Been a while…

(M for mature and Moron)

Naruto had just finished having dinner at Ichiraku ramen. Home of the the vaunted ramen made by Ayame and Teuchi Ichiraku

The stand is one of the very few places where Naruto felt safe and welcomed

It was paramount Naruto made it home as quickly as possible for on this night, the anniversary of the Kyūbi attack, also coincidentally it was Naruto's birthday, the fox hunts began

Naruto was running home as quickly as possible. Should he have been spotted then it was game over for Naruto

Naruto turned a corner and came face to face with a group of drunkards. The sudden skidding noise of Naruto coming to an abrupt halt alerted the drunks to his presence

"Look! It's teh' Demon Brat!" One of them shouted, alerting the others

Having been spotted, Naruto made a run for it

After dodging, ducking, dipping, diving and dodging, Naruto was finally cornered

"No pls, don' hurt me" Naruto begged but to no avail

Naruto was beaten by a mob of civilians and ninja as they took their revenge on the 'Demon brat'

oOo

Naruto awoke in a what appeared to be a sewer

There were a few discoloured pipes but beyond that the sewer corridor was barren. Picking a direction, Naruto decided to walk down the corridor

After a while, he walked into what appeared to be a huge cavern that was halved by a row of what looked like prison bars

Beyond the prison bars was naught but darkness. However Naruto could hear what sounded like sobbing coming from within the darkness

Being the curious George that he is, Naruto entered the cage to investigate

What he found was shocking

There was a woman on her knees crying into her hands. She had crimson hair, fox ears? Nine tails protruding from her lower back. Naruto couldn't see her face but he could see her assets sticking out from the Kimono the girl was wearing. Her breasts were easily a meter in diameter and her backside half that in diameter

"Is you okay?" Naruto asked gently

"No, is mine fault you is hurt" the woman cried "as apology, me give you all me power and we have lots of sex" the woman answered

"Okay we does that" Naruto answered "but who are you?"

"Me is Kuubi" the woman answered

Naruto was shocked. It all made sense now why everyone hated him. Naruto then and there decided he would have his revenge

Naruto was about to speak up once more but before he could his vision was enshrouded in darkness. When he could see once more, he was in what he interpreted to be a hospital room

Looking around, Naruto spotted the old man Hokage

"Ah young Naruto, you is wake. Me sorry for all hurt you have. I give you all Jutsu and knowledge in village as apology" Naruto nodded in acceptance and the Hokage left

Naruto looked around the room once more and spotted a mirror. Looking at his reflection, he was shocked. Naruto was now sporting ice white hair, blood red slitted eyes, crimson fox ears atop his head. Naruto also spotted nine tails behind him

'You is now half demon because of my powers. You penis is now also fifteen inches' the Kuubi sounded from within his mind

Naruto got up and walked out of the hospital room. As he left he came face to face with the fourth Hokage his wife and what appeared to be his daughter

"Naruto, we left village to train your prodigious sister Naruko and left you here because we no love you" Minato stated "cause you have Kuubi, you are no son of mine"

Naruko and Kushina got had breasts a foot in diameter

"I will have revenge" Naruto said in a dead voice. He put his hands in his pockets and walked off with an aloof air about him

"So cool! We have sex now Naruto!" Both Kushina and Naruko squealed

As his wife and daughter followed his disowned son, Minato clenched his fists and made a vow

"I will have revenge, I go join Akatsuki now"

oOo

As Naruto was walking through the streets, he passed a one Fugaku Uchiha who was walking with his family. As he passed, Naruto overheard his conversation

"We do coup soon" Fugaku said to his wife. Naruto stopped him before he could walk on

"Coup is bad" Naruto said. Fugaku had a moment of clarity

"Yes, we will no longer coup. You will always have friends in the Uchiha Young Naruto" Fugaku responded

"So cool! We have sex now!" His wife said who had breasts a meter in diameter

"I am Uchiha! Give me Jutsu" Sasuke said arrogantly

Itachi faded to black and disappeared

oOo

Naruto was walking along when he decided to use the summoning technique

When he finished the hand signs, he was transported elsewhere. When he could see again he came face to face with a huge dragon

"We accept you as our king Naruto-sama, your arrival had been foretold" Naruto signed the summoning contract and left

oOo

Naruto was walking home being all emo and brooding like. Naruto is 6'4 and wears all black. He is 8 years old

Naruto turned a corner and came face to face with Danzō. Using his powers, Naruto deducted that this man was bad and killed him on the spot

Naruto kept waking, he turned another corner and came face to face with Orochimaru. Naruto Killed him

Naruto was deemed a hero and made an SSS class Shinobi

oOo

When Naruto made it home, he noticed something weird with his Chakra

'Because you have my power, you have boil, lava, storm, steel, hurricane, crystal, wood, dust, tornado, scorch, explosion, ice releases as well as Sharingan, Byakugan, Rinnegan' the Kuubi sounded from his mind

Just then the village council appeared, both civilian and Shinobi

"Demon" the civilian council shouted upon seeing Naruto

The Civilian council was killed by Naruto

"Naruto, you are to be put under the clan restoration act" the elders Koharu and Homura announced

"Okay" Naruto killed them both

"So cool! We sex now!" Tsume shouted. She had breasts a meter in diameter

oOo

Naruto practised a jutsu and shot them off in four directions

A week later news reached the hidden leaf that the other four great villages were destroyed and that all the women in the villages now want to sleep with the great overlord destroyer, Naruto Uzumaki aka Naruto Uzumaki Senju Hyuga Namikaze Uchiha Otsutsuki Kaguya

"I've taken my revenge but at what cost" Naruto cried learning of this

"I love you Naruto" Hinata Hyuga said to him once she had located him at training ground seven. Her breast were half a foot in diameter

"Me feel okay now" they had sex

oOo

Naruto awoke and instantly had a stroke trying to comprehend how fucking stupid that dream was. I mean, imagine having all of those obscenities in a story

You'd have to be a complete moron to consider including anything like that, right?

Anyway Naruto got up and out of bed, still feeling sick after having that dream

After having ate and showered, Naruto sat at his dining table and set down a stack of paper

This was Naruto's newest project. A sealing master piece in his opinion

Through the grape vine (Jiraiya's) Naruto had heard of a Ninja who could turn himself intangible

That idea flew right up Naruto's flag pole

Naruto was adding the finishing touches to a seal that will allow himself to do the same thing

The seal is placed over the eyes. What the seal does is, it works similarly to a storage scroll. Naruto's entire body will be transported into the storage seal while projection seals are used both within and without the seal. Naruto linked the seal with his optical nerve and cochlear nerve so while in the seal he can see and hear his surroundings. While in the seal, an ordinary clone is left in his place. The ordinary clone is of course intangible and requires just enough chakra for its use to keep the seal over his eyes in the real world

Naruto's body is inside the seal while the seal itself remains on the regular clone left in his place. Having a seal placed directly over chakra is an extremely high level technique which is essentially making the seal buoyant on chakra so that the seal isn't lost the the wind or washed away in water

The chakra made to create the clone in Naruto's place acts as his body which he directly controls from within the seal making Naruto intangible but not undetectable as the clone is a chakra construct. Well it's a Genjutsu but still requires Chakra

The technique is quite the masterpiece in Naruto's humble opinion

This is quite the ridiculous chapter

I just called out some of the stupid tropes in fanficion

Not that I give a damn if they're used in a fanfic I like, to each his own

However given they're the more popular ones… clout

Hope you enjoyed, cya