...Are they taking the fucking piss?

"Peedro, viejo, te- te voy a extrañar hermano, y-yo-!" The barely conscious primate stops his tirade and starts to loudly cry like if the world was about to end horribly. Bloody hell, what did I do to deserve such bollocks? Damn you past version of me and your curiosity! It's in moments like these where I miss the comfort of my office, where another version of myself must be reading a book or doing something productive...or watching another timeline unfold with the same events and the same bloody protagonist. Ah, there we go, my desire to cease existence ended, works like a charm.

The other imbecile is not doing much better. "Fraancis- No, no, mejor te llamo Pancho desde ahoraa...Pancho! Yo también estoy viejo! No, espera, uh... Y-Yo-!" He joins the misery pile and starts to wail. Ugh, I'm not even bothering to translate these arseholes' dialogue anymore, the only reason I did it in the first place was for consistency's sake. Not that it helped me reside in this wasteland of a brain in any way, shape or form, but it's the small victories that count.

Right at this moment, my living RV, better known as Francisco Guerrero - or as I like to call him, Asshat - is drinking his ass off alongside that psychopathic teacher of his. Dear lord, just ten minutes and they're already crying like overdramatic teenagers, what the heck are they even drinking?

Wait, it seems like Asshat is about to say something. "Pedro...heh, chúpala con mayo." Oh, it's just more nonsense, great.

Tch, dickhead, what am I supposed to do now? Those two don't seem like they'll do anything relevant besides smashing themselves up with cheap alcohol for a while, and the only other conversational partner I have besides the crying wanker over there is Death, which isn't better in any way seeing as he speaks like an old man in life support and is generally a giant twat.

Hm, maybe I could roam outside of this cunt's head for once and explore the world for a while on my own. Ah, brilliant idea Time! You truly are-

...I just realized the fact I'm basically self-narrating just like Mr. Lightweight over there, oh good lord, I'm even doing the same jokes as him. Living inside his head has been a grave mistake, must make sure to spend another hundred years cultivating my strong sense of humour again to avoid any more mental breakdowns in the next millennia. Noted second Ti- Bah, I give up.

Either way, I need to go do something more interesting, just let me turn off this stupid fucking tone of voice and we should be ready to go.

Ah~ Much better, you don't know how annoying it is to process an idiot's thoughts while I have to emphasize my every sentence only for him to not get confused. It's bollocks, that's what it is. Well, let's go see something more interesting now, shall we? I'm pretty sure that whoever is the target of this self-narration must be bored to tears of the point of view from a barely-functional teenager that has a tad too much fire-power, so I hope that my timely assistance makes your awful evening a little less miserable. Alright, enough lollygagging, time to part ways.

My consciousness starts to seep away from Asshat's, letting it disconnect from it and also cutting away his train of thought from mine. Yes, I could hear all of his drunken thoughts. Yes, they were as stupid as one would expect. Also yes, I can get away from his head anytime I want, did you really think someone as remarkable as me would willingly let himself get chained up to a mortal? Foolish, of course I can go see the world for myself, both it's past, present and future and how it splits in different paths.

If anything, the more interesting parts of a timeline is how it splits in different routes. What if the wanker that gets godly powers dies and doesn't revive in his first encounter? What if this other angsty youngling fails at one thing for once and doesn't just blow away everyone because he's just so amazing? What if this other blatantly immature cunt finally stops being a blatantly immature cunt? Or what if consequences are - for once - a thing?

What if Francisco Guerrero died? Horribly at that.

Heh, I'm anxiously waiting for when that little miracle happens. One can even argue that the whole reason I even bothered with a deal to get into his head was to get front-seats to witness his incoming, pending doom! Hm, it certainly is more interesting than just killing him myself, that's for sure. Now when is this split in the timeline supposed to happen? Let's see...

Oh! It's tomorrow! That's bloody fantastic! The next day he either becomes stronger and gets a sense of responsibility, making him a better person...

Or he dies horribly!

Ah~ I feel as my entire evening has been brightened up by this realization. Not that my deal with him is off if he ends up being the copy that dies, I'll just hop onto the other path where he lives, but that doesn't mean that seeing him die first-hand won't be immensely satisfying; I still don't forgive him for telling my name to the wrong people after all, so I figure this is a good way for me to let off some pent-up steam. Hmm, could it be possible to enjoy some of that 'poppycorn' mortals always eat when watching a show?

As I start to free my consciousness, I hear one last thing from the soon-to-be dead drunken person.

"A-aver, que es más rico? El pichí o la caca?"

...Yes, I'll most definitely enjoy his premature death, all of my hopes go towards me being the one in the path where that happens.

After that I finally free myself from the idiot's mind and the moment I break the connection I'm snapped back in an instant to the Void, or the Dimensional Gap as they like to call it these days. I'd like it more if I was in my personal lounge, but there's already another copy of me using the place, so my presence there would just be a general nuisance, and I know that I'm most definitely not a nuisance in any sort of situation. Well, now what?

So many places, so many options, what could I possibly do? Hmm, let's just go and peruse all the other non-important characters in these sad, repetitive play that most definitely will end in a shade of shite. I'll limit myself to short peeks though, because despite what a bystander may think, I don't know every single thing; Not because I can't know it, but because I restrict myself from doing so. I enjoy surprises you see.

Who's first? Hmm, let's say...the redhead, maybe in this timeline she finally stops dedicating her entire existence to a male figure and does something worthwhile with her life, although it doesn't seem like it'll go that way if recent events are to be trusted. Well, at least tomorrow something will most definitely change, if not for the better then for worse. Not that I care either way, I'll just enjoy the fireworks.

Target decided, I summon the device from which I'll experience these memories. It always differs from timeline to timeline, sometimes it's a normal generic book, others it's a blatantly offensive pornographic magazine, and in the worst case scenarios it's just some piece of toilet paper, because even the timeline knows it deserves to be used as such.

In this occasion, what gets summoned is a large botched-up notebook that has some crudely edited stock-photos and some really low-quality pictures of a celebrity known as "Guy Fieri" holding a giant hot-dog at the front cover. Above all of that there's some text formatted in MS Comic Sans which states the following:

"hlep"

Oh dear, even the timeline itself knows it's stupid. Glad to know we're on the same page, timeline, there have been an uncomfortably large amounts of occasions where the cover tries to convey something dark when in reality it was just some pre-school worthy ramblings. Let's just get on with this.

I will the notebook to open, in a normal situation I'd just do it myself, but seeing as at the moment I'm just a floating consciousness without any sort of body, it can't be helped; My original body is suffering back there in my lounge, which now that I think about it has no coffee, which is a mistake that should be rectified the moment my host dies of old age.

After the notebook opens I will it to go towards the pages I desire, the notebook has bookmarks all around stating the events from all points of views from everyone present in them. Yes, these little objects tend to be deceiving in their appearances, with them being clearly bigger than just a bloody notebook, but that's something that I've already gotten used to after so many millennia. The notebook finally reaches the page of the redhead and whatever she's doing at present time. Let's take a dive, shall we? A white light starts to emanate from the pages and it engulfs me completely until I get transported to my target's location.

After I take on the scenery - Yes, I can see despite not having a body. - my attention gets grabbed by the lass I was looking for. She's...hm, just making battle plans for the upcoming match she's having; Not that they'll have it of course, because tomorrow happens. I write a mental annotation to check on her reaction once all the nonsense occurs, it's going to be plenty entertaining after all.

...Well, nothing interesting is going on really, so I'll just take the time to wonder why the actual hell are they all still wearing their school uniforms?! It's stupid! With her being none the wiser, she just keeps doodling on a piece of paper that has diagrams and all that sort of things. The sounds of a pencil fill the silence.

...How boring, I expected more crying and maybe some drama, at least that's trashy enough to keep me entertained for a while, but this doesn't really do anything for me. Eh, there are still some other minor characters left, let's hope they are better at being entertaining. Before I hop onto the next scene, I hear some mumbling from Asshat's King.

"...I-Is Francis really c-cheating on me with Yuuto?"

...That one's going to be fun. Anyways, onto the next one!

The scenery changes accordingly and I leave the scene to be transported onto whoever's next. Honestly I wasn't all that entertained with this whole idea, so I'll just self-narrate some extracts from the visits, just to cut short some time because while I have all of it, you don't.

Alright, let's see, after visiting the redhead I went towards that girl's queen, she was just putting on a face of determination. For what? I know why, but I'm sure you must do too, so I won't bother explaining. Then I visited the blonde sword guy, who's suspicious of being my host's lover, which is something that he should've expected considering his little show there. Mr. Blonde is sleeping with...huh, yes, truly curious indeed, he is sleeping alongside that blue one, the nun and that girl who looks like a twelve year old; As an icing on the cake they're all completely naked and under bed sheets. This is a rarity in the wasteland that are timelines, so I'll give it a thumbs up of approval despite the clear debauchery at display.

Did anything of interest happen later? Hm, I did go through many scenes, let's see...Lucifer said something about protecting his clan; Azazel drinking while muttering; A red suit of overpowered armor going through some woods at high speeds; A girl with cat features doing some magic circles; And lastly, a circle of cloaked figures talking in hushes about an impostor to Hades and something about attacking him the next day.

Well, and in all that was pretty pointless, I already knew most of these things and I feel like I just wasted everyone's time (Tee hee.)

But if anything, all I can gather from this recollection of things is this:

Tomorrow is going to be one messy day.

AN: Woah! That was short! Sorry for that, but I've been uh, procrastinating heavily and I felt the need of at least posting something decent this week as some form of obligation. Next chapter will be the party where, well, a lot of shit I've been planning on finally show their ugly head.

Also yes, most of this chapter is a blatant cocktease. What are you gonna do about it?

I thought about mixing this little break with the entire party chapter, but in that context it would've seemed like pointless filler, so I decided that the best course of action was to just post this separately. Next weekend the real chapter will go up, I expect it to be 12k words long, maybe more if I feel like it, but I'll see about that when the time comes. Once again, sorry about this lackluster chapter, it won't happen again, pinky promise.

Thanks to anyone who reviews my piece of written medieval torture.

And thanks for reading.

PS: I may or may not post a NEW STORY later, which may or may not be a Pokémon one. Yeah, that's the reason why I didn't post anything good today, very sorry, I just got caught up in nostalgia and I had to write that mess. It'll have it's own little spin on it, so please give it a chance when it does come out. Yes, it also features Francis.

PS2: The rewrite will get done, uh, sometime this week...or the next. Not that you really care about the earlier chapters, but if I don't update as often then blame that instead of my laziness.