This little story came to me about a year and a half ago when watching Adrift. I wondered what would happen if Harm didn't survive and how Mac would take it. I envisioned her moving on but, not quite... Not really.

So tissue warning for some of this story but, there is happy ending at some point. :)

The title is from a Roxette song of the same name. Achingly sweet and sad song. "A hint in the night, a touch of a dream has come to an end we run from one heart to another again. The rose of our love is withered and torn and gone from one heart to another."

Chapter 1 - Echoes of Loneliness

"Morning, flyboy." Mac stood before the fireplace, eyes gazing sadly at the mantle and the neatly folded American flag set inside a frame that hung just above it. Inside the wood and glass, a picture stared back at her, that charming smile and sea blue eyes of a man she would love for all time. "Damnit."

At times she could look at the memorial and feel next to nothing but, today the pain stretched across her heart, squeezing with all its might. She closed her eyes and braced herself against the mantle, willing herself not to cry but, still the tears came.

The pain was always amplified two days out of the year when the weight of everything that happened crushed Mac the most. The first was his birthday, signaling another year without him. The second was May 12th, the night Harmon Rabb Junior went missing.

Missing. Yes, because she rebuked the beliefs that Harm was dead.

"Oh, how I miss you." Still. Despite the five years that had passed, Mac still missed him the way she did since that fateful night...

The lot of her wedding party along with a few other friends and family had gathered for dinner at some Italian place in Washington. She was happy, sort of...No, she was trying to he happy and face a future Mac wasn't sure in. She loved Mic, wanted to be happy with him but, there was always a dark cloud looming over there nuptials. Perhaps it had to do with one crucial fact: The Bride-to-be was in love with someone else.

Helplessly. Irrevocably. Completely… Sarah MacKenzie was in love with Harm and knew that no perfect future with Mic could change that. Yet, she plastered a smile on her face and was actually enjoying the evening until the bombshell was dropped.

Harm had been missing at sea for hours and the SAR crew could not locate either him or his raft. They had managed to pluck his RIO from the storm tossed sea but, the pilot could not be found.

Mac knew something was wrong, she felt an odd jolt when walking down the aisle during rehearsal. She stumbled and AJ's firm hold stopped her from falling when a quick vision of Harm's jet crashing nose first into the sea assaulted her senses. She'd shaken her head to dissolve the vision, took a breath and continued moving forward.

That moment would weave a web of guilt around her that held her captive five years later. It would also serve as an occasional brand of self torture when her nightmares replayed the mishap as if she were in Harm's place.

'His seat never ejected.' Was the last words on the accident after an investigation was conducted. Some mechanical failure caused his bird to lose power and his ejector seat's propulsion unit had shorted as a result. 'Commander Rabb died on impact.'

'Died on impact.' Mac gripped the edge of the mantle and tried to level out a fresh wave of nausea. The tears came next followed by the sobs held back only by the hand she brought to her mouth. "I'm sorry, Harm." Would she ever stop crying for him?

Mac knew the answer - no - although she was having more better days than worse ones. She stared up at his picture once again knowing her daily morning routine served no purpose, it only maintained a kind of sadness that had become deeply rooted. But, then she couldn't let him go out of fear that he'd be forgotten like the rows of markers at Arlington that were seldom visited.

Carefully, Mac ran her fingers over the wood frame and over his picture - the handsome Naval Commander in summer whites with that dazzling smile.

Oh, how she missed him.

Sighing, her eyes moved over the pictures on the mantel, depictions of a happy, flawless family stared back - and she was happy, to an extent, as far as a woman that was married to one man but, in love with another had a right to be.

"Come back to me." Mac whispered her plea, one that she'd adopted as a way to end her morning routine. "Please, just come back to me." She always stood there waiting for a sign, some sort of something to tell her he was near. As usual, there was nothing - even when Mac closed her eyes tightly and pleaded for an answer - there was silence.

Dejectedly, she walked to the kitchen and began to pull out the appliances and ingredients needed for breakfast. She would try to reach him tomorrow and the following day and the day after. Mac couldn't stop.

She turned on the faucet, splashed some water on yer face and heaved a sigh. Mic didn't like seeing her like this so she'd learned to hide the grief although, often enough it would crack her veneer.

Mac tossed eggs and flour into a mixer and added the rest of the items required for blueberry pancakes.

Saturday mornings in the MacKenzie/Brumby household always began with a hearty breakfast that she always finished cooking just before Gracie woke up and stumbled down the stairs.

At just over four years of age his daughter was a spitfire, intelligent, bubbly and the only reason Mac hadn't fallen into complete despair. Gracie was the life force that kept her sane, happy and by the same token - the one person that reminded her the most of him.

Because she has your looks and his eyes. A little girl with olive coloured skin, brown hair and sea-blue eyes - Harm's daughter - a parting gift from the one and only night Mac was loved by him.

...

Author's note:
I apologize if some of this sounds a bit like minimindbender's - 'Letters to Harm' it definitely was not my intention. However, Mic is actually very good to Mac in this one and loves Gracie like his own. :) No worries, no Mac/Mic love scenes... I am not that nuts.