Harry Potter and the... oh fuck not again.

Harry Potter, awoke with a start as dust misted down onto his face. He glared up at the underside of stairs that made up his bedroom. His bedroom under the stairs.

THUMP. THUMP.

Harry pinched the bridge of his nose, drowning out the noise of his fat fuck cousin jumping on the fucking stairs to wake him up. Harry reached over and grabbed his glasses and pushed them onto his face.

The Boy who Lived stared up at the underside of the stairs with a hopeless, listless and detached expression as he uttered one word. "Fuck."

Taking a deep breath he pulled himself upright and swung the door open into the hallway, he could hear his aunt shrieking as she usually did as Harry pulled himself out of bed.

"Wassmatter with you, the-" said Dudley menacingly only to be cut off by Harry stooping in and driving his fist into Dudleys as yet undeveloped but still highly sensitive balls causing the overfed boy to drop onto his belly gasping in pain.

Harry stepped over his cousin as he heard the voice of his uncle shouting at him, clearing running off to get his belt or some other implement to take an attempt to fuck up Harry's already mightily fucked day.

"God fucking damned Dragons" muttered Harry swinging the front door to the house and stepping out into the Autumn Surrey air, still dressed in his tattered old pyjamas. To any of the Dursley's well to do neighbours, seeing young Harry Potter strolling down the street would have been quite a sight. Muttering to himself as he trudged with deep purpose, his uncle shouting at him from the doorstep only to be silenced by his wife for fear of what their neighbours might think.

Harry continued his trudge for a long while, ignoring all the drawn eyes as he walked, sidestepping a kindly couple who attempted to inquire if he was lost. Another twenty minutes of fuming walking later the dark haired boy with the lightning bolt scar on his forehead boarded a southbound train from Surrey Quays station to London Cannon Street Station.

Plopping himself into a seat Harry watched the scenery as tried not to snap at the incessant chattering of people on the same carriage as him. Some twenty minutes later he arrived, and with a few quick exchanged and a lot of bemused stares of Londoners, Harry walked out of the Charring Cross tube station and headed quickly over to the Leaky Cauldron.

The door creaked as it swung open, the pub was empty except for the usual suspects of passed out Witches and Wizards.

"Must've gotten here first" muttered Harry crossing the bar and sliding the wand out of the pocket of Mundungus Flectcher who was thankfully passed out from what Harry assumed was a long night of drinking beer and gargling shit.

"My god!" exclaimed Tom the Barman as he turned from the till to spot Harry Potter, the Boy who Lived Crossing his bar in his pyjamas.

"Yes, yes. Harry Potter, look like James, Lily's eyes. Fuck off." snapped Harry stepping out in to the back and tapping the bricks with Mundungus's wand opening the concealed gateway to Diagon Alley. Harry turned and flung the wand back into the still open door of the pub for Dung to find when he eventually woke up.

Harry strode up Diagon Alley, once more ignoring the stares and exclamations as he headed into Ollivanders Wand Shop.

"My word its-" said the elderly shopkeeper.

"Harry Potter. Yes, I know." said Harry rolling his eyes and walking around the back of the counter and stepping around the highly baffled Ollivander.

"Excuse me!" exclaimed the shopkeeper. "This is highly irregular, customers must wait on their side of the counter."

Harry proceeded to ignore Ollivander as he pushed the moveable staircase down the asile and quickly climbed.

"No no, you can't possible want that one!" shouted Ollivander as Harry pulled out a box containing an eleven inch wand, Holly with Phoenix Feather core. Harry tore through the box and pulled out his wand for what felt like the millionth time. The deep warmth resonated through his fingertips as he rolled his eyes. Harry was about to turn to Ollivander and belittle the man as the door sprang open with a ring of the bell hanging above.

Into the shop stepped Ron and Ginny Weasley. Harry flicked his wand at the rack opposite and silently summoned three boxes of wands and snatching them out of the air. Harry threw a box each to Ron and Ginny and pocketed the third.

"Dragon, you?" asked Ron ignoring the gawping Ollivander.

"Same dragon, about three minutes later" said Harry bitterly as he climbed down the stairs. Ron tore open his box and too pulled his own suited wand as Harry strode across the room and embraced Ginny and pressed his forehead against her.

"You?" asked Harry.

"Last stand at Grimauld Place with Hermione" whispered Ginny. "It never fucking ends does it?" she asked.

Harry sighed deeply. "Back to the start. Again" he muttered.

"Oblivate" muttered Ron, his wand directed at Ollivander as the trio stepped back out into Diagon Alley, the memory of the three and their wands erased from the shopkeepers mind. "Remind me to actually try to pay him if we survive" said Ron.

"You said that last time" said Harry.

Ron shrugged as he turned to the far end of the Alley and saw the blur of brown hair. Eleven year old Hermione Granger came running down the alleyway, her bushy brown hair in an absolute state.

"Hey love" said Ron reaching out for a hug. Hermione stepped into an embrace as she smiled at Harry and Ginny.

"Sorry I'm late, train was delayed" said Hemione with an apologetic shrug.

"We're in a closed time travel loop, how the everloving fuck can a train be delayed from the last time?" asked Harry exasperated.

"British Rail?" offered Hermione with a shrug.

"Yeah fair enough" said Harry handing her the third and final wand box before pulling her into a hug with himself and Ginny.

"So what's the plan this time around?" asked Ginny. "Want to just take a break for a few cycles and go crazy? I always wanted to see if we could end the ministry."

"Fuck. I don't know." said Harry glancing over at Ron. "Want to try the Dumbledore way again?" he asked.

"Harry, mate. We need a bit of a break?" said Ron. "Blow off some steam."

"He's right" said Hermione quietly. "Besides, I don't think trying Dumbledore any more is going to help."

"Fine" conceded Harry as the Weasley siblings broke out in a grin. Even Hermione had a small smile. "But can't exactly blow off steam in a pre-pubecent body can I?" he said with a weary sigh and a glance at his once again very... very young wife.

"Give it a few years. Won't feel like time has passed at all" said Ginny leaning into Harry's side.

Harry gave a huff as he went into decision making mode. "Right, then Ron and Gin. You handle your family. I'll sort the Dursleys and Dumbledore, Hermione you sort your parents and the ministry... speaking of?" said Harry glancing up at the clock at the end of the Alley.

Three loud pops filled the Alley as ministry officials arrived to deal with the case of the underage wizard performing a Memory Charm. Ron grabbed Ginny's arm as he turned and the pair disapperated on the spot. Hermione gave a nod as she to turned and disapperated.

One of the ministry wizards looked baffled as he stepped across the alley, his eyes flicking up to the scar on Harry's forehead.

"Oh do fuck off" snapped Harry flicking a stunning spell at the official before turning on the spot and him too disapperating back to Surrey to oblivate the fuck out of his aunt, uncle and cousin.