Chapter Four

Dean took a long, cleansing breath, then flashed Cas a smile, but Cas still didn't say anything. He just gave Dean a sharp look, and narrowed his eyes. He tilted his head and folded his arms, examining Dean's face.

'Why aren't you saying anything?' Cas asked eventually.

Dean shrugged. 'I ain't got anything worth sayin',' he murmured. 'I'd rather hear you.' Then, to his horror, Cas's face twisted back to bitterness and anger.

Cas shook his head. 'Is that really what you think?'

'What - what do you mean?'

Cas ran a hand through his hair. 'Dean, this is what got us here in the first place,' he said exasperatedly. 'You put everyone's feelings before your own, you try and fit yourself into boxes expected of you, and I just-' Cas smashed a fist into the counter. 'I need a drink,' he growled, storming from the room.

'No, Cas, wait,' Dean followed him out, and Cas rounded on him outside.

'What was this, just a way for you to soothe your guilt?' he demanded. 'Have you really learned nothing?'

'Cas, I really don't know what you're talking about,' Dean said, with a short, nervous laugh.

Cas pinched the bridge of his nose. 'I don't believe this.'

By this point, they were beginning to attract the attention of the people inside the cafeteria.

'I never needed you to prioritise my feelings,' he said. 'I needed you to prioritise yours. You think that if you can pay enough attention, or do exactly the right things, then you can somehow earn affection, and you hold yourself to such impossible standards.' Cas span around in a circle, unaware of the volume of his voice. 'Such impossible standards,' he repeated. 'You doom yourself to fail, and when you do, you sabotage your relationships because you feel like you don't deserve them.'

Dean was too shocked to speak, frozen by the emotions crossing Cas's face in quick succession, as though his heart was breaking all over again.

'I can't believe, after all this time, you haven't learned anything.'

'That's not - I mean, you…' Dean trailed off, unable to think of anything to say.

'I loved you, you know,' Cas said, tears swimming in his eyes, but refusing to look away from Dean. 'You never needed to earn anything from me, and all I ever wanted was for you to realise that. It appears you still haven't.'

'Cas-'

Just then, Charlie burst out of the cafeteria. She saw both of their expressions, and scowled at Dean. 'What did you do?' she said. Then she spotted Cas's hand and grabbed it. 'Is this a bite mark? Did you bite him?'

'What? No, of course not. Why would I bite him?'

Charlie just gave him a disgusted look.

Cas wiped his eyes. 'I need a drink.' He walked away from both of them and shoved the cafeteria door open, Charlie close at his heels.

Dean watched them walk away, rooted to the spot, unable to comprehend how he possibly could have ruined this, Cas's voice ringing in his ears. The noise from the cafeteria still seemed so far away and muffled, even as he walked back into the room to find Sam.

'Have you been in the bathroom this whole time?' Sam asked.

'Uh yeah, I had one of those burritos for lunch.'

Sam tutted. 'How many times have I told you not to eat Mexican food from random gas stations in the middle of nowhere?'

'Whatever, Sam.'

Sam squinted at him, noticing the deflated tone to Dean's answer, but decided not to question it.

Dean swept the room until his eyes found Cas, standing in a corner with Charlie. She was saying something, gesturing furiously, but Cas was ignoring her in favour of staring into his wine glass. He was swirling his wine around, his shoulders slumped, defeated, and only vaguely nodding at whatever Charlie was saying. Then he drained the entire glass in one go, and looked to the bar for more. He caught Dean's eye, and quickly looked away, but not before Dean saw the clear disappointment all over his face.

Dean grabbed another whiskey for himself, then moved away from the bar, so that Cas would have space to get a drink if he wanted one. He pretended to be oblivious to the stares and dirty looks coming his way.

Cas had always been more popular with these people than Dean, no matter how much he considered himself a weird nerd. He was handsome, smart, kind, charming if a little awkward. Why wouldn't they all prefer Cas over the delinquent, almost drop-out, who spent most of his time loitering around the bicycle racks. It had surprised everyone, including himself, when he had actually managed to graduate, in no small part thanks to Cas. But then, Cas had been the only person, except maybe Sam, able to see straight through all of his bullshit, even from the day they met.

For whatever reason, the school had made Cas a hall monitor on the one day Dean had decided to skip detention. He was certain that there was nothing to be learned by sitting in the stuffy math classroom that supposedly had air-condition, but the unit merely rattled uselessly.

Cas had taken one look at him in the hallway, raised an eyebrow and said, 'Shouldn't you be in detention?'

'That's a good question,' Dean had said cockily. 'A question of life, really. Who's to say who should be where? Do we make our own decisions, or are we at the will of a higher being?'

Cas's expression hadn't changed, he'd just pointed back down the hallway. 'Let's go.'

And though every instinct told him to just ignore Cas, the spark and slight air of authority that had always existed within Cas jumped out, bending Dean to his will. For the first time in years, someone had caught Dean's attention, and his hold over Dean had never loosened.

Dean glanced over again and saw that people were now taking turns going up to Cas, asking if he was okay. Cas looked just as annoyed by it as Dean felt, and pushed past most of them to get to the bar.

Dean sipped his whiskey, and thought about what Cas had said to him. Shouted, more like. As usual, Cas cut right to the bone, and rooted around until he'd unearthed the core of the issue. He knew about his problem with voicing his own needs, Sam had roasted him enough for it by now, but he hadn't even considered the possibility that Cas knew about it. He realised that he really should have, but he'd never thought of himself as particularly smart anyway.

So, he retreated to a shadowy corner, leaving Sam to awkwardly socialise with people he didn't know, and running interference on Charlie, who looked as if she wanted to murder Dean with her bare hands, not that Dean could blame her. He tried to examine himself. What did he want? What did he feel? The answer was a resounding echo of Cas in his mind. But did he deserve a second chance? Dean shook his head at that. Cas told him that wasn't the point, so what was? He circled back to his own wants, and still only felt Cas. That much was solid. So, what could he do about it? Cas glanced at him from the bar, sipping on another glass of wine. It was his third, so would be his last of the night.

Dean was beginning to feel his own drink, and the ice cubes clinked in his glass. He looked around the room for inspiration. He wanted Cas. That much he knew. It was time to be selfish, and show Cas that he could be. His eyes landed on the stage, the microphone, and the band members preparing for a break. Maybe it was the alcohol blurring his brain, or how he felt for Cas, or perhaps a mixture of both that propelled him forward, but he downed the rest of the whiskey, and climbed up on the stage.

'Dean, get down,' Sam hissed from the bottom of the steps.

Dean just passed him the glass, and turned to the band, pointing at a guitar on a stand. 'Hey, can I borrow that?' he asked.

The guy whose guitar it was shrugged. 'Can you play?'

'Sure.'

'Knock yourself out, man.'

Dean grinned and grabbed the guitar, ducking his head through the strap, and tweaking the tuning. He gave it a couple of test strums, then, satisfied, approached the microphone. He cleared his throat, catching everyone's attention. His stomach flipped underneath all the eyes in the room, but it was too late to turn back now.

'Hey, everyone,' he said, with a quick smile. 'This is for… well, I guess you all know who it's for, huh? I'll just get on with it.'

He played the first few notes of Cas's favourite song, his fingers moving up and down the neck, confident in where they were going. Dean had always loved playing this song, even if it wasn't his personal favourite, and still played it regularly. He quickly sought out Cas, to check his expression. Despite everything that had happened between them, Cas was still a sap for romance, and Dean was pleased to see the bitterness melting. He leaned forward, closer to the microphone, and began to sing.

'Someone's always comin' around here, trailin' some new kill,' he sang, ignoring the faces of everyone but Cas, and focusing on the song. 'Says, "I've seen your picture on a hundred dollar bill".'

Cas warily stepped towards the stage, listening to Dean sing. Charlie tried to hold him back, but he simply brushed her away, so she went and stood by Sam instead.

'Can't believe he knows Cas's favourite song,' Charlie commented.

'Wait, this is Cas's favourite song?' Sam said.

'Yeah?'

Sam groaned and rubbed his face. 'We're all so stupid.'

'Excuse me?'

'Has Cas had any relationships since they broke up?'

'Nothing long term. Why?'

'Yeah, neither has Dean,' Sam said in a disbelieving voice.

'Where are you going with this, Sam?'

'They never got over it. Neither of them.' Sam took a deep breath. 'Dean plays that song all the time. I thought it was his favourite.'

'Oh man, this is way deeper than I thought.'

Dean was still singing, coming to the end of the song.

'Do you think there's one person for everyone?' Sam asked Charlie.

'Nah,' she snorted. 'What about you?'

Sam nodded thoughtfully. 'I don't know. Maybe they're it.'

Cas was now leaning on the edge of the stage gazing up at Dean, and Dean down at him.

'No one's gonna fool around with us. No one's gonna fool around with us,' Dean crooned. 'So glad to meet you, Angeles…' Dean played the last few notes of the song, letting them linger, then slowly fade.

There was a smattering of applause as Dean took off the guitar, and handed it back to the band. Then he approached the microphone. 'What's up everybody, I'm Dean, and I'm here to ruin your night,' he said nervously. 'Now I just want to tell y'all a little bit about myself.' He looked down at Cas, who was still staring at him, and smiled. 'I'm an Aquarius, I love long walks on the beach, and I'm probably the last person who should be up here doing this, but what the hell, you only live once, right?'

Cas began to walk towards the steps of the stage, not taking his eyes off Dean.

'There are a few things I want,' Dean continued. 'I want to drive all the way down the East Coast. I want to eat as many terrible burgers as I possibly can on the way. I want to visit every shitty landmark I can find, up to and including the world's largest ball of twine. I want to camp out at Yellowstone.'

Cas hesitated at the bottom of the steps.

'There are a few things I need as well,' Dean said, holding his hand out to Cas. 'I need a new bulb for my tail light. I need a haircut.'

Cas took Dean's hand and stepped up onto the stage.

'I definitely need Sam to drive me back to the motel tonight, 'cause I have had way too much to drink.'

Cas snorted softly, and didn't let go of Dean's hand once he was onstage.

'And I-' Dean cut himself off, but Cas's hand gently squeezing his helped his confidence. 'I need - I need you to give me another chance.'

There was a murmur around the room, and someone whooped.

Dean took a deep breath. 'I think about you…' he said, still talking into the microphone. 'I think about you a lot.'

'I think about you too,' Cas murmured, away from the microphone.

Encouraged, Dean smiled. 'What do you say, Cas? Will you let me take you to dinner?'

Cas nodded. 'All right.'

Dean's heart soared, and he nearly dropped the microphone. 'Wow. Okay,' he grinned. He cleared his throat again, addressing all the people staring at them. 'All right, everybody, back to your regularly scheduled programming.'

'Smooth, dude,' one of the band members called.

'Thanks, man,' Dean said with a thumbs up, leading Cas down the steps.

They were immediately confronted by Charlie, with her arms folded.

'Charlie-'

'Shut up,' she said. 'I won't let you do this. You can't fool me, and I-'

'Enough,' Cas interrupted. 'This is my choice.'

Charlie still didn't look convinced, but unfolded her arms. 'If you ever hurt him again-'

'Never.'

'It better stay like that, or I'm coming right for your ass, Winchester.'

'I wouldn't have it any other way.'

Charlie nodded stiffly. 'Fine, then.'

'I don't need your permission,' said Cas.

'Hey, she's just looking out for you,' Dean said gently.

'Yeah, I am,' she said fiercely. 'I got my eye on you.' She gave Dean one last glare, then left them to it.

Dean watched her go, then leaned closer to Cas. 'You wanna dance?' he asked.

Cas smiled. 'That would be nice.'

Dean pulled him into the crowd of people. Some glanced their way, but with nothing more to hold their attention, they soon went back to talking in their groups.

Dean took Cas's waist, and the people ignoring them made them feel strangely alone, which Dean was grateful for.

Neither of them spoke for a moment.

'I loved you too, you know,' Dean murmured.

'I know you did,' Cas said sincerely, resting his hands on Dean's shoulders.

Dean swayed with him, then leaned in, kissing him softly.

Cas had turned pink when he pulled away.

'Was - was that okay?' asked Dean, worried that he'd gone too far.

'It's fine,' Cas smiled.

'I could… maybe drive up to Chicago? We can do stuff when you're not busy.'

Cas chuckled. 'Do you have anything more specific than "stuff" in mind?'

'I've never been much of a forward thinker. Maybe we just wing it for now?'

'Perhaps I'm just better at the specifics,' Cas teased.

'Oh yeah, you're super specific,' Dean laughed.

Cas hugged Dean close, laying his head in the crook of Dean's neck.

Dean breathed deeply. He still smelled like Cas, albeit now with a faint scent of hand sanitiser and wine. 'Where are you staying tonight?'

'Charlie and I have a hotel room.'

'Maybe you switch with Sam and stay with me tonight.'

'Uh - well-' Cas cleared his throat and pulled away slightly, embarrassed. 'I - I couldn't - I mean-'

Dean laughed as he realised what Cas was saying. 'Third glass of wine, so you're getting sleepy, right?'

'Yes.' Cas admitted.

'You're such a lightweight.' Dean lightly spun him around. 'I kinda just want you there… Is that okay?'

Cas nodded. 'All right, I'll come.'

Dean grinned. 'Awesome.' He was struck by Cas's bright blue eyes again, boring into him, and doubt itched the back of his head. 'You think I can do this?'

'I've always believed in you,' Cas murmured, pressing his forehead to Dean's. 'Do you think you can believe in yourself this time?'

Dean thought about it. 'I'm not the same person I was,' he told Cas. 'I can do it.'

Cas smiled widely and flung his arms around Dean's neck, kissing him deeply, though a little sloppily. 'I'm glad,' Cas said, once he was done, then he blinked and rubbed his eyes, losing focus. 'I think it's hitting me,' he said, holding onto Dean for balance.

'Yeah, I'd say so,' Dean laughed. 'How about, one more song and then we go back to our room?'

'I like the sound of that.' Cas tripped on his own feet, but Dean held him up.

'You good?' Dean laughed.

'Yes.'

Cas held him tightly, and Dean caught Sam staring at them from the side of the room.

Sam rolled his eyes and Dean just shrugged.

The band moved onto their next song, and played a very familiar tune.

'Oh, Journey, really?' Dean frowned.

Cas snorted. 'Do you think you can come to one of these things and not hear that song?'

'Yeah, you're right. Let's not come to these again.'

'I'm happy we did this time. I didn't think you would.'

'I didn't think you would either.' Dean enveloped Cas in his arms, mostly to feel Cas against his chest, but also to keep Cas on his feet.

For that moment, everything was perfect, and Dean almost hoped the song would go on forever. He would put up with Journey as long as he had Cas with him. The song came to an end, and Dean gave Cas one more kiss. 'Let's go get you to bed.'

He beckoned to Sam and Charlie, and the four of them left back through the reception, ignoring the stares and whispers as they went.

All Dean felt was Cas's head buried in his shoulder. They both fell asleep in the back of the car, soothed by the movement as Sam drove, and by each others' presence, touching familiarity, ridding themselves of the deep longing they'd never been able to shake off.

Reunited at last.

Welcome back everyone! Thanks to Eyum daRelmera for the review!

Well, I hope that was some tasty cheese for you all lol. Thanks for reading, and I'm gonna go try and tackle Heart Sense again. Not sure why I'm having such a block with it, but let's see what we can do. For real, I'm taking suggestions if anyone's got any.

See you again soon!