Hi everyone! I haven't posted a story on ff in a long time, instead I've used AO3. But I decided that I was going to try to post everything that I have over there on here so this is just the first however, it is still in progress and I will try to update it every Wednesday.

I just started writing for upstead (I am a huge fan of rhekker on Med-yes, I know that they crashed and burned but they're still my favorite and alive and well in my universe). I have fallen in love with PD and Hailey is my favorite with Jay as a close second and of course, I want them to be together. This is my second upstead story (I will be posting my first on here soon). I really love this story and it's kind of a heavy one...I know, perfect for this time of crisis but, this is what I've decided to write so this is what you're getting :);)

I can't wait to see what you guys think! Btw, there are a few Med characters in this so it's kind of a crossover but the majority is of upstead and Intelligence so I didn't think it qualified as a true crossover. And yes, Will Halstead is one of those characters.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything you recognize. Quotes, characters, song titles or otherwise.

(PS. The story title is a song by Andrew Peterson and the chapter title is by Jose Gonzalez)

The first thing Hailey realized was that Jay wasn't wearing a vest.

The second thing Hailey realized was that she couldn't follow him, not this blindly. Not this time.

And the third thing Hailey realized was that bang she just heard was a gun going off.

"And in closing, congratulations on finding someone who you think you can put up with for the rest of your life."

Jay looked at her. His eyebrows were raised, and he was clearly unimpressed, "This is going to be the worst Maid of Honor speech in the history of the written world."

Scowling at him, Hailey slapped Jay across the chest with the back of her hand, "That's what you said about the last Maid of Honor speech I had to say."

"Well, that's because you essentially said the same exact thing last time," He pointed out as a smirk crept across his face.

Hailey tried to look aggravated at his lack of support but found she couldn't, her lips tugging upwards into a smile. She shook her head, running her tongue inside her cheek, "Oh, come on! It's not like you're an expert or anything. I mean, Ruzek probably didn't ask you to be his Best Man because your last Best Man speech, well," She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly before scrunching up her face at him, "It wasn't the greatest."

Jay furrowed his brows, trying to look offended, "Shut up, Hailey. You know I was a big hit at Will's wedding, and you know Adam's always wanted his dad to be his Best Man, so I'm honored to just be a groomsman."

He paused, glancing over to her, "Besides, I much prefer watching you struggle over your speech instead of struggling over my own."

Hailey rolled her eyes in annoyance. Jay was never any help when it came to things like this. Instead, he preferred to tease her mercifully, but she honestly wouldn't have it any other way even if it did get on her nerves from time to time.

Besides, she was more than capable of taking it and even better at giving it.

She clicked her tongue. Sighing, "If I didn't love Kim so much, I wouldn't have agreed to this whole Maid of Honor thing."

Jay threw an arm around her shoulders, grinning widely as they continued to walk down the sidewalk towards the 21st District, "Oh, you know that secretly, deep down, you enjoy it. You should be a pro at this whole wedding thing; I mean, you planned ours and it turned out great. You were Ava's Maid of Honor and helped her plan everything. And then we did all that stuff for Nat and Will's wedding so," He pressed a kiss to her temple, "old hat."

Hailey huffed, glancing up at him, "Easy for you to say. You don't have to help do all the shopping; picking out flowers, finding caters for the reception, lining up music, locating the church, getting a photographer," She pulled a face, "Wearing a dress."

He chuckled and was about to respond when he suddenly slowed down, his muscles tensing. He turned into Hailey, murmuring in a low voice, "Am I seeing things or is that Damian Flint in that drugstore over there."

Her eyes flashed up to his-the only indication that he'd startled her with his words-before she subtly leaned into Jay in the pretense of nuzzling his ear but really, she was running her eyes over the large glass storefront of the pharmacy almost directly across the street. Hailey let her gaze land on the back of the tall, muscular white man standing at the register; the tattoos covering his arms, unmistakable.

She couldn't believe their luck, or maybe misfortune seeing as how they were vastly unprepared to chase this guy down but still, they actually had eyes on him.

Damian Flint. The guy that'd had Intelligence frustrated and frazzled for at least a month.

The high-end drug dealer who played everything extremely close to the chest. Never incriminating himself and never showing his own face at meets. He was one of the most paranoid drug-dealers the team had ever encountered and that had them all at wit's end, annoyed that they'd essentially been chasing their own tails for weeks.

It made him dangerous and extremely hard to catch.

Hailey's lips touched Jay's ear. "Oh, it's him alright." Murmuring. "We've been staring at every angle of his profile we could get our hands on for weeks. I'd recognize him anywhere."

Jay had artfully corralled them near a large oak tree, giving them both a decent vantage point without looking obvious.

He held her waist. His green eyes surveying the street and then the pharmacy carefully. He was quiet and Hailey could see the plan formulating in his mind. Could sense the adrenaline that was starting to build; Could feel him subtly touch the top of his gun holstered to his waist, out of sight and a pit started to form in her stomach.

She caught his darting irises with a glare, "No." It came out as a hiss. "You cannot go after him."

"But Hailey," His gaze was urgent but steady, "This may be our only chance. We haven't gotten a single solid lead in two weeks; We haven't even really gotten close to catching this guy but for some reason…"

He glanced towards the pharmacy again. Flint was pocketing change, clearly almost done with his business, "He came out of hiding to go in that drugstore and somehow, someway, we were passing by at this exact moment, down this exact street."

Jay's eyes found hers. Her breath quickened. Mere seconds passed and words were said though looks.

She put a firm hand on his chest. Panic starting to swirl in her stomach, "Jay." It was a warning and a plea. "We have no backup, no plan and most importantly, you're not wearing a vest! It's way too dangerous for you to go chasing after him," She gave him a little shove against the tree, "Use your head!"

The door to the pharmacy was opening and Hailey could almost hear the bell ring. Like an ominous alert, telling her time had run out to convince Jay not to do what he was about to do. She felt him inch out from behind the tree and Hailey knew that there was nothing she could say that would change his mind.

He cut his gaze to hers. His face solemn with regret yet filled with determination. Apologetic but unwavering, "I'm sorry Hailey but we're never going to get this good of a chance again."

His expression changed for an instant, softening into one she was quite familiar with.

A look. A promise. A vow that he'd do everything in his power to make it back to her alive. An unspoken I love you.

His eyes always held those assurances. Before every call, between every case.

"Stay here and radio the team."

Feeling helpless, Hailey's eyes followed his quick, purposeful steps cross the street. His hand reaching for his gun as he subtly approached Flint but the moment he saw him, Flint ran, Jay right on his heels.

She cursed, furious at Jay's inability to stop and think rationally; To think with his head and not with his heart. Frustrated that she couldn't provide backup; That she couldn't follow him this time because she wasn't wearing a vest either.

Upset that she hadn't told Jay yet because maybe if she had, he wouldn't be doing something this reckless. And terrified that it was all about to go to hell; knowing in her heart that this wasn't going to end well.

But she couldn't think about any of that. She couldn't change the past and what she was feeling wasn't helping matters any; she couldn't let her emotions get in the way. All she could do was reach for her radio and request backup, doing her best to keep her voice calm and steady as she started quickly moving in the direction of the chase.

Her speed picked up when she caught a glimpse of Damian, Jay still in pursuit. She ran down an alley and back onto a side street that ran parallel to the street Jay and Damian were sprinting down.

Hailey pushed herself, keeping up with Jay just enough to see him on the street below every time there was a break in the buildings after each block.

Her footsteps pounding rhythmically on familiar streets helped keep her grounded and her head in the game. The blood whooshing in her ears kept her fears at bay as she focused on keeping an eye on Jay until someone with a vest could intervene because she sure as hell couldn't risk it if things went south.

She felt powerless and alone and she just wished her team would hurry up and get here before something happened.

Everything was pushed to the background. Honking horns. Yelling people. Sirens blaring through the city. Quick chatter coming through her two-way. All she focused on was keeping Jay in her sights and willing Flint not to pull a gun.

Her chest was hurting from breathing so hard and her mouth was dry, but she didn't slow down.

Not when Kim fell into step beside her and a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders now that her team was there. And not when she caught a glimpse of Adam and Kevin catching up to Jay who was still sprinting after Damian, jumping over cars and dodging trash cans.

They disappeared again. Behind another row of run-down houses before suddenly, they were in front of her running down the street perpendicular to the one she was on. She was formulating a route that would keep her relatively out of harm's way but still be nearby when she heard it.

Three loud pops. An unmistakable sound. One she was all too familiar with in her line of work.

This time, her steps did falter. She did slow down. She came to a screeching halt, icy fear gripping her and a part of her didn't want to turn the corner. That if she didn't look, then it wasn't real.

But she'd always faced her fears head on and today wasn't going to be any different.

She didn't hear Kim urgently talking to her, barely felt her firm hand gripping her shoulder and she hardly saw Vanessa sprint past, careening around the block, out of sight.

The sight of Voight's SUV speeding down the street with lights and sirens snapped her out of her frozen denial.

And she was running again. Pushing through the urge to throw up when she rounded the corner and saw Jay writhing on the ground, trying to move out from under Kevin's heavy hands placed strategically on his chest.

Not letting herself lose control over her emotions like she desperately wanted to.

Because she wanted to scream. And cry. And yell at whatever fate or God that dictated all this tragedy in their lives.

And she wanted to strangle the man responsible for this but somehow, she was distantly aware of Adam spreading him out on the ground. His knee grinding into the gunshot wound Jay must have managed to inflict before everything went to hell. What she'd predicted would happen what must have only been minuets ago.

God, it felt like it had been an eternity.

And that's when she realized she was screaming. Or at least shouting Jay's name over and over again, like somehow that would make everything better.

She dropped her gun somewhere in the middle of the street, throwing herself down on her knees. Kevin looked up at her from across Jay's form, a shocked look still on his face. Devastation and fear in his eyes.

She thought maybe he was saying something to her. Apologizing frantically or maybe explaining what had happened because he was at a loss for what else to do other than hold pressure to the bullet holes in his friend's chest and that just didn't seem like enough.

Hailey honestly didn't know what to do either but somewhere in the back of her mind she knew dispatch had already been alerted and that ambulances were on their way.

She was just numb. In shock. And all she could think to do was put her hands next to Kevin's, marveling at how small they looked next to his. Anything but her husband's sticky blood coating her fingers and palms.

Because she had to do something.

His unfocused eyes drifted slightly open. She cupped the nape of his neck with one of her hands, not caring that she was smearing his blood all over him as she tried to look frantically into his lolling irises.

"Jay! Jay!" Why was it that all she seemed capable of saying was his name over and over?

Hailey swallowed, working her throat, "Stay with me, Jay. Just breathe; Everything's going to be okay."

At the sound of her voice, he turned his head slightly towards her. It startled her how green his eyes looked in the moment, glazed over, trying to focus on her face.

Hailey had always loved his eyes.

His lips were moving, just barely but Hailey could tell he was trying to tell her something. She tried to give him a comforting smile. To not let him see how worried she was as she grabbed the shaky, weak hand that was struggling to find hers.

"It's alright Jay. Don't try and say anything. We've got you; the ambulance will be here any second so save your strength, okay?"

She kept smiling at him, desperately trying to blink back the tears that were threatening to fall because she knew she needed to be strong. She needed to be strong for Jay.

He needed her to be strong.

He was forming words now, quiet moans leaving his lips instead of what it was he was trying so desperately to say. He coughed and she tried not to show how frightened she was when she saw blood coating his pale lips a bright red.

"Hailey…" His voice was week and barely there. So much so she saw him whisper her name more than she'd heard. It was all she could do not to break down just at the sound of his raspy attempt.

She blinked and felt a couple of tears fall as she ran her hand holding his neck to caress the side of his sweaty face. Her other hand squeezing his as hard as she could, anything to keep him with her.

"It's alright Jay," She said again, sounding more desperate, "I don't want you to exert yourself."

She felt his hand tighten marginally around hers and his eyes became clearer, like her words were helping him focus. Stabilizing him. Anchoring him to her.

His gaze bore into hers. He managed to shake his head slightly. "No." It was forced and filled with pain and she just wished he would save his strength.

His tongue darted out, "I-I need to…say this."

A look of understanding passed between them. Even shot, he could tell her a lifetime of things through his eyes.

She ran a hand over his head and through his hair. Trying her best to sooth him, "Okay, okay." She scooted slightly forwards on her knees, leaning down so he didn't have to strain any more than he had to for her to hear him, "What is Jay? What do you need to say?"

He lifted up a shaky arm, struggling to swipe some of her blonde hair out of her face and behind her ear. Something he'd always done ever since they started dating, before letting his hand drop again, clearly exhausted from just that small movement.

"I love you, Hailey," It was surprisingly quite clear, and she could see the conviction blazing in his eyes even though they were hazy with pain.

He was looking at her. Staring straight into her soul in a way she'd never seen him do ever before and he was honestly, truly starting to scare her. She could feel another wave of tears rise in the back of her throat.

Be strong. Be strong for him.

Hailey took a breath, adjusting her hold on his neck to cradle it more on her lap as she continued to run a hand through his hair. Trying to do something, anything to comfort him from the pain she knew he must be feeling.

"I know, I know, Jay." Her voice was thick with the tears she was so desperately trying to hold back. She could barely swallow. "I love you too. Everything's gonna be okay. It's all gonna be okay."

It was a poor attempt at optimism. Her words shaky, her voice on the cusp of hysterics, losing its resolve to mask the tears. To mask the fear, the desperation and she wasn't entirely sure who she was trying to soothe anymore.

A small sob escaped. And she knew she was starting to break but her mind was screaming at her to stay strong. To just stay strong, that everything was going to be okay. She brought his hand up to her lips, whispering, "It has to be okay."

Jay groaned. His head lolling from side to side as Kevin adjusted his hands slightly, murmuring a 'sorry bro'. Hailey had honestly forgotten he was over there, but she was thankful someone was actually doing something to keep Jay alive because she'd given up trying to stop the bleeding. Her small hands were doing nothing compared to Kev's sturdy ones.

Jay settled on her face again. That look still in his eyes, "Hailey…Please. I-I need you to…to know that you," He swallowed again, obviously having trouble speaking. Tears gathered in his eyes, "You are the very best thing…that," Another cough, some more blood, "That has ever happened to me."

Okay. Now that really scared her.

"Jay," She warned, her eyes searching his frantically, "Jay, no! Stop talking like that. Why are you telling me these things?"

He either didn't seem to hear her, or he'd elected to ignore her because he just drew in another gasping breath before he continued to talk. And she got the feeling he wasn't crying because he was only in pain.

But because of what he was saying to her. Because he thought he was going to…

His raspy voice cut into her terrifying thoughts, "And please," He looked at her with anguished eyes, "please forgive me. I am…so…sorry."

I just couldn't help myself.

Dozens of past injuries flooded her mind.

As much as it drove her sick with worry. As many times as she'd found him, bloody and bruised, she could never fault him for being who he was. She just wished he wasn't so reckless about it.

But that was who Jay was.

He was a great cop with a good heart. When someone's in trouble or causing children to OD, like Flint, Jay was just there. Jumping headfirst into a situation with little thought of his own safety.

And she loved him for it. But that didn't stop the very real fear of it killing him one day.

Like today.

"And I want…I want you to keep being the…greatest cop I know," Jay's eyes were barely open anymore and he was starting to sound less aware. His words slurring together in a mumbled ramble, "And you gotta…you need to stay safe, 'kay? Find a—find a…good partner."

Hailey had never heard him talk like this. She was more than scared now. She was terrified and sick with worry and she wasn't quite sure what to do.

She wanted to yell at him. Scream at him to stop saying those things because it was okay; Everything was going to be okay and he had to stay with her, he couldn't—

He couldn't die. Not now, but the words wouldn't come.

And she'd never been one for inaction, but right now, all she could do was kneel frozen by his side, clutching onto him like her life depended on it.

"Hails…I love ya…" He licked his lips mindlessly, "Tell…the team…I love 'em…and Trudy. 'Cause…they're my family…and I love 'em."

He was delirious. With fever, with pain, with shock, she wasn't sure. It was a wonder he was still even awake at all.

But then he trailed off and was quiet which was a hell of a lot scarier than him being delirious. Hailey shook him roughly, "Jay! Jay! Keep talking…Stay awake okay."

Her voice broke and though his words were frightening, she'd rather have him rambling than not saying anything at all.

God, what had she done to deserve all of this heartbreak? What had Jay done?

Her shaking had roused him slightly, his eyes cracking open, "l'm awake…" He blinked lazily, "Tell…Will sorry. And Voight'll take…care of…he'll take care of you, 'kay. 'Cause I…told him too, you know. And…he loves ya…too."

She had no idea what he was talking about, but she could finally hear the ambulances getting closer, so she let him keep babbling; whatever it took to keep him somewhat awake by the time the paramedics arrived.

"And…Kev an' Adam an' Kim… 'nessa. They're…gonna be g-good 'tectives," He trailed off. His cloudy gaze staring off into space before mumbling, "An' the weddin'…Sad I…won't see," Some more coughing, "see it."

Hailey knew she was losing him, and the ambulances weren't here yet.

"Jay! Jay," Hailey shook him again. She was practically yelling, and her eyes felt impossibly wide with frenzied emotion, "No, no. You're gonna see it. You just gotta keep talking. Okay. Jay, keep talking."

He opened his eyes again, but it seemed like with every lapse in consciousness brought him closer and closer to staying that way.

His eyes suddenly became slightly clearer, but they were still bright with an on-setting fever. He looked straight at her before whimpering, "Hailey."

She sniffed, trying again to smile at him through the tears she couldn't stop from falling, "Yes, Jay. I'm right here, honey. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

The sirens were coming from right around the corner now and Hailey felt Jay's weak grip loosen completely as he just barely whispered a, "Hails…I love you," his eyes fluttering shut and staying shut. His face a stark white, his own blood smeared across his forehead and over his cheeks from her hands.

"No, no, no, no, no, no! Jay! Jay," Hailey was frantically cupping his lifeless face, turning it towards her, "Jay, you gotta wake up! Stay with me, okay. Please you gotta stay with me."

Her mind was screaming, and her heart was racing.

Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay with me.

Please, just stay with me Jay.

I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Not sure how many there will be but I will try my best to update every Wednesday! If you liked it then give it a follow so you know when the next chapter is up! And please add a comment so I know what you think! They mean the world!

Love ya bunches!