It had been a couple hours since Barney arrived at White Forest, only to find Kleiner panicking as Eli stood over a blacked out Gordon, with the large burnt body of a fallen Combine Advisor sitting motionless on the cement floor.

Nothing even made any sense, why did this happen? How did this happen? They had done it, hadn't they? The citadel was gone, the rocket was launched, and the portal was closed. They were winning... so why didn't it feel like it?

Freeman was still resting quietly in the medical bay when Barney took a seat next to him. His eyelids and lips quivered with the rest is body as he occasionally shook in his sleep. Barney sighed, softly taking his friend's hand and squeezing it. "It's gonna be ok bud, you're safe now"

He felt the soft squeeze of his hand in return as Gordon's eyes lazily blinked open.

His eyes seemed unfocused at first before he shot upright as he noticed Barney's presence.

"Whoa there bud, take it easy, you got pretty banged up during that whole thing." he quickly and softly put his hands on Gordon's shoulders, resting him against the back of the medical bed.

[Barney? When did you get here?]

"I arrived just a few hours ago. I walked into a complete mess though, you were roughed up pretty bad.. Eli said you just passed out after he tried to hand you your crowbar"

[Eli... Alyx! Where's Alyx!]

"We don't really know. I think Eli knows but he hasn't been saying much, I suspect Kleiner knows something about it too, but he's been pretty quiet as well. Do you know anything about it?"

[I...] he paused, [No, I don't..]

He could tell he was lying, but for his friend's sake, he didn't press him about it.

"Well I figured as much..." he let out a sigh and gave Gordon a small smile, "How are you holding up?"

His friend was silent for a moment, placing his hand on his side and wincing a bit before laying back again.

[Ok I guess, I've been worse]

"Are you sure?" Barney raised an eyebrow at him,

[Yes, I'm sure] he signed, a slight look of frustration crossing his face.

He could still tell he was lying.

"Well alright, if you say so." Barney let out a long exasperated sigh, "Eli's been asking about you, he wants to get going with you to try and find Alyx as soon as possible."

Gordon was silent.

"Let me know when I should give him the go ahead, but I still think-"

As he turned he noticed Gordon was shaking violently, clutching onto himself.

"Gordon are you ok?" he said, turning to him quickly.

[I'm fine]

"No you aren't, you need to tell me what's wrong."

Gordon's breath was heavy and fast as he tried signing, but Barney couldn't manage make anything out due to how heavily his hands were shaking.

He gently took Gordon's hands in his and held them to his chest, "Shh, it's ok, slow down, take deep breaths bud"

Barney had seen him do this before, only once a long time ago. Barney once walked in on Gordon in the middle of a panic attack at Black Mesa after he had accidentally lost a lot of his work in a computer malfunction.
"If only things were that simple" he thought to himself.

He sat with him for a couple more minutes, still clutching his hands, guiding him with his breath.

When Gordon had finally calmed down he slumped against the back of the bed and held his hands against his face, letting out a long sigh.

"Look, Gordon, if you've really recovered physically, that doesn't mean you're doing ok. You still need your rest. I'm going to tell Eli you need some time, whether or not you want me to"

He didn't even turn to see if his friend had put up any protest, he knew Gordon would push himself until he was dead to help his friends. It was noble, but Barney didn't like seeing him hurt himself like that, and he knew Alyx would want him to rest for a bit as well.

"Barney..?"

A familiar and quiet, but rough sound froze Barney to the ground as he reached out for the door.

"I don't know how long I can keep doing this."

He turned around slowly to see Gordon hunched over, tears slowly falling onto the sheets that covered him.

"Gordon, I-"

"I am so tired. I have been fighting, and fighting, and fighting, and fighting. My god, I am tired"

He didn't say anything more, he didn't have to. He slowly turned and crouched down to sit at eye level with Gordon, grabbing his hands gently.

"I'm supposed to be the hero right? I'm the one who's supposed to fix everything. I have to."

His voice was soft and quiet, almost a whisper, but still more gritty as it had ever been.

"But I can't, I can't keep doing this, I can't.. I don't.. I don't want to do this forever. But i have to, I have.. I have to.. I have-"

Barney took his face into his hands and turned him so their eyes could meet.

The pure weight of sorrow and exhaustion poured from his eyes as he continued to shake in his arms.

Both of them fell silent as they gently leaned together until their lips met in a passionate and soft kiss. Gordon pushed his fingers between Barney's and let his body relax as he put his arm around him.

Barney ached as he finally pulled himself away from Gordon. He wished it could be over, he needed it to be over, both of them did. Gordon was right, they couldn't keep doing this, but they need to. If it were up to him, Gordon would stay in White Forest to rest for the rest of the war, safe and sound by his side. The war was already long enough, and he knew Gordon would fight until he used up every bit of energy he had left, and he had already gotten so close to crossing that line. But he didn't want to think about that right now. He pushed his forehead against Gordon's and shut his eyes.

"Gordon, please listen to me." he said, "You've done so many amazing things, you've saved so many people. Hell, you've saved me. The resistance wouldn't be where it is now without you, Eli wouldn't be here without you. You already are our savior. You're.. You're my hero Gordon"

he could feel his breath, warm and steady as it brushed against his cheeks,

"The resistance is important, Eli is important, and Alyx is certainly important, but please, please listen to me when I say that you are important too. You're only human Gordon, you can't keep pushing yourself forever, and even though you have done plenty of amazing things, you've never done any of them alone. You weren't alone then and you aren't alone now."

He buried his face into Gordon's shoulder as they took one final embraced.

"If you need to rest, then rest, we will all wait for you, but if you wish to fight please know you don't have to fight alone. From now on I will be by your side until we wipe every single piece of Comebine scum off of the face of this planet" The lump in his throat grew as tear trickled down his face, but he didn't fight it.

"I love you Gordon, and I will be here for you no matter what. For now until forever."

"I love you too, Barney"