Arren Kae had not fully understood what it was to be a Jedi for some time now. There were too many questions for her to claim to be a model Jedi. But she supposed that's what a model Jedi was, especially an aspiring Historian. Hungry for answers. She had spent countless years dedicated to the Code, to trying to build upon it, perfect it. To take all it was and find what made it so...lacking. She had yet to find that truth, still ever just beyond her reach in the infinite abyss of the galaxy. It taunted her, hiding in shadows too dark to dive in... and in the light too bright for her eyes to handle. It had enraged her, despite her self control, that she could not find the answer. She could not understand how to better something she could obviously see was broken. Exar Kun, Ulic Qel Droma. Even as far back as Ajunta Pall. The Jedi had given way to Sith, and thus an eternal, spinning wheel of war and chaos. Why? Why?! Why did the Jedi return, bringing balance, only for the same events to repeat endlessly across every era of the galaxy?
She had never asked this question of anyone in her career as a Jedi. Except for her Yusanis, the Senator of the Echani. He was a regal man. Tall, and proud. He had amassed power and status despite his homeworld being a matriarchy that looked down on his gender, rarely allowing them to attain a position of true leadership. He was an unbreakable will, a result of his homeworld's culture even as he overcame that culture. A warrior would not bend or bow unless it was their own will to do so. To understand battle, one must understand art, music, culture, history. He was so refreshingly different to all she had known. He had much of the same information she did, but he saw it all so very differently. Perhaps it had been the Will of the Force that on one of her first missions as a lone Jedi Knight, she had been sent to advise him. Perhaps it was more simple than that and the Jedi Council simply wanted the both of them to learn from one another. And so they had, spending long nights observing the best way to get what was needed from other Senators or the Chancellor or even the Admirals. And during that studying, she allowed herself a friendship unlike those in the Jedi Order. Even friendships were... cold, in that place. To avoid attachment was the basis of the Jedi Code, and so all relationships were met with this inward knowledge on both ends it must be treated as temporary. Unfulfilling. Only her old friend who had left the Order just before she had become a Jedi had disagreed. He had vanished, and so she had decided to do as a Jedi did from then on and pull away from those attachments.
Yusanis did not allow this. He was no Jedi. He did not refuse to form attachments as they did. He instead refused to let go, and so she realized to deny his friendship that was pointless. Besides... it was nice, to have a friend. To have someone who cared enough to worry when they did not speak for some time rather than accept she may be dead with a placid face. And so she let herself joke with him. Ask questions with him. To spar and fight with him, to the point she would win as often as she lost. The two formed a rapport over the years. She knew his wife and his daughters, even teaching the young children to wall their minds from the influence of others. He knew her promising, young Padawan and showed him how to wield a blade like a true Echani. She had been there when he had become the leading senator of his homeworld. He had been there when she became a Jedi Master and Historian. He was her one, true friend. And so one night, she asked that question. Why was there always war between the Jedi and their enemies, and why were those enemies always Jedi themselves? She hadn't expected a real answer. The Jedi were, to many, simply the Jedi. Unfeeling paragons of logic and justice. Understanding them was a pointless endeavor.
"The Jedi lack something," he admitted to her as he tightened the bandages on his fists. He brushed them against his loose, white warriors pants – something he had given in to his friend when she insisted they could not spar naked, no matter his peoples' customs. When he was done, he began to stretch. "I will not pretend to understand what, but I have been able to gleam that much from our combat. Your people lack something in their souls."
The Jedi Knight finished pulling her hair into twin tails on either side of her head. "But you have nothing you can even guess?" she inquired. She finished tightening her own bandages and ensured the padding over her knuckles was sufficient. Her gray eyes flashed to his pale, shirtless form, then dashed away. She may have believed the Code was flawed, but she was a Jedi and an adult woman. There was no reason to blush at her old friend. She clenched her fists beside the plain, brown combat attire of a Jedi. No reason for anything at all.
"Everyone believes the Jedi are unknowable and inhuman. Perhaps your people lack something that is truly human." He frowns and pushes his white hair from his face. He always does that when he's thinking, she notes. "To have such power and lack humanity. No power is worth that."
"The Force is more than simple power. It is everything," Arren retorted defensively. "To have the Force is to do anything. Surely sacrificing something is worth not creating a greater evil..."
"And yet your question remains," he pointed out calmly. "Why do Jedi constantly Fall to the Dark Side despite that sacrifice?"
Ah, and the first round of combat went to him. He had learned too well how to speak words like a senator. Gone were the days she could easily twist his words against him as she had been trained to do from her young age as a Consular. "No retort, Ari?" he asked teasingly.
She turned slightly away. "We shall see," she responded simply. Better to remain cryptic – no one could retort cryptic.
And he could not. Having reached an impasse in this duel, Yusanis sighed and readied himself for the next one. After pulling a small cylinder from his waist, he spread his legs and raised his right hand behind him. His left hand remained low, presenting his shoulder and arm like a shield. The cylinder snapped outward, and his long quarterstaff – his brand – was held across his back.
Arren Kae smirked and raised her right hand, summoning a wooden training lightsaber to her hand. The weapon flew through the air and she caught it effortlessly, the familiar weight comforting her. This battle was simple. Easy. She loved difficult questions and hunting down ancient secrets. But simple combat was a refreshing change. Especially with Yusanis. Her friend. She forced all thoughts but the battle from her mind and raised her left hand in front of her, palm open. Her right hand held her weapon behind her, low and ready to move at a moment's notice.
The two were on one another in a breath, dodging and attacking. Arren deflected his first attack with her weapon and turned, taking a fencing stance to attack his throat with a lightning fast jab. He twirled his own two ended weapon to deflect the attack and spun, landing a back kick to her chest. Arren hissed in pain and stumbled backwards, then forced herself to respond and deflect his next attack, then dash around him and slam a palm right between his shoulders. Yusanis' body spasmed and he lurched forward at the sudden pain and contact. She pressed her advantage as he tried to turn on her, but she slapped his sloppy attack away with her palm and brought her weapon around, twirling it around his brand and bending his wrists in a direction they could not bend. Then she yanked back and his brand flew from his hands, soaring through the air. She grabbed him and held her weapon against his throat and her face inches from his own. "I surrender to you," he said quietly. He leaned closer to her, and she did not move away. She went closer.
And then his brand clattered loudly against the floor behind Arren. She dropped her training weapon and quickly turned away. "I should be going, Yu," she muttered. She moved towards her over robes and began to grab one. "I -"
He grabbed her wrist. "You have wondered what it would mean to me, if the two of us sparred and fought. And you won, completely and utterly?" he asked quietly. She refused to turn to him. "I know your heart, Ari. I have seen it in our combat. I know you, as you know me."
"Yu, I should be leaving. I -"
"I give in." He turned her to him, eyes locking on hers. "I surrender myself to you. To your beauty, yes, but more to you. Your mind. Your soul. Your will. Your desire. You, Ari."
And at that, she betrayed the Jedi Order for the first time.
X X X
Arren Kae loved her daughter. Her old question of why the Jedi had failed had never left her, but the obsession was lessened by that one simple statement. She loved her daughter, even if she could never see Brianna. Never hold Brianna. Never love her little Brianna in person. Her daughter was hidden from her, both to keep her a secret from the Jedi Order that would take her and held hostage the angry hatred of Yusanis' wife. A fair hatred, Arren supposed. She had betrayed her friend by following her own heart. She still betrayed her friend by refusing to break off her tryst with Yu. She would continue, despite the guilt, to betray her friend. It could not be completely wrong if it had given her those few moments she had been able to steal with her daughter when she had been so young. Almost fifteen years younger than her old Padawan, who was now calling for the Jedi to join the Mandalorian Wars. Ten years younger than his friends and followers, Alek and that boy that Vrook hated so much.
Yu had left not long ago, leaving Arren alone in the apartment used for their meetings. She pulled one of her two white robes from the closet and pulled it on, quietly turning to a mirror and smiling quietly for a few moments while pulling her hair back into She sighed and crossed her arms, placing her hands within the opposite arm of her white robes. "I did not believe hiding in the shadows was the way of the Jedi," she remarked dryly. She turned towards the balcony overlooking the sunset on Coruscant.
"I was not hiding. I was ensuring a renowned Senator of the Republic would not be harmed by your indiscretions," Jedi Master Lonna Vash remarked as she turned around the edge and moved into the room. She held her saber in her hand.
"That is not necessary, foolish woman," Arren Kae told her disdainfully. "I take it that the Council wishes to see me for this... what did you call it? 'Indiscretion?' I will go with you to speak with them."
Arren felt a twinge of anger in Vash's Force signature, but it was quickly forced down and the emotionless mask returned. Arren let her own emotions remains. Controlled, quiet, and tempered by her concern that a foolish, sudden decision would harm Yu. How like the Masters, to be willing to blackmail her with a threat to another in the name of 'the greater good.' "Then let us be off."
It did not take long to arrive in the High Council's chambers. Mercifully, given that every Jedi had glared at Arren on her way there. The whispers exploded before the door to the chambers was even shut. "Dark Side, traitor, oath breaker...
"Mother."
That one gave her pause. The Jedi knew? She tried unsuccessfully to shake off the terror that had gripped her heart. No, they would not attempt to take Brianna. She was too old, to closed off from the Force by shame at not having the same face as her sisters. Powerful in the Force, yes, but deafened to it. She took a few deep breaths at the edge of the Council's audience hall, ignoring Vash as she walked past. When she had calmed herself, she walked into the chamber, going and around the pillar at the center where Exiles would surrender their lightsabers, and stopping in full view of the Council. Her peers. Her eyes flicked over to her own chair, empty save for a young Knight in white robes standing behind it. "Training a new historian before judgment is even passed, Master Kavar?" Kae caustically remarked, turning her gaze to the head of the chambers. The stoic Battle Master of the order regarded her question with the same emotionless placidity she had expected from him. "And I assumed the Jedi believed in assumption of innocence."
"Your guilt in this matter has already been proven," Vrook remarked angrily. Arren Kae turned her gaze on him and frowned. The bald Jedi Master was glaring at her, and he slammed his fist on the arm of his chair. "Surely we can all see in her lack of remorse the facts."
"Careful,Master Vrook. Where is the Peace of a Jedi Master?" she inquired mockingly. The man seethed before Master Zez-Kai Ell turned his gaze on his fellow Councilor and helped him release his emotions into the Force. "And my guilt has not been proven. Despite you sending Master Vash like a common spy."
"That is indeed shameful," Ell remarked, running a hand through his mustache. It fell a moment later. "But it is not why we have called you here, Arren Kae."
The woman in white closed her fists within the sleeves of her robes. Then why? What could they possibly be blaming her for like this? Her eyes widened, then narrowed. The question. It was all about the question. Why did the Jedi continually fail to prevent their pupils from disobeying the Jedi Code? From seeking out adventure, conflict, and helping others, damn the consequences?
The Jedi Council had already decided what their answer to this question was.
Her.
"You seek to blame me for my pupil's imminent decision to join the war against the Mandalorians?" Arren Kae asked, almost in disbelief.
"With a Master who would engage in acts like yours -"
Arren Kae whirled on the girl who had said that. "I will ask your opinion when you have the wisdom to offer one, Child. To speak without insight into an issue only invites your own embarrassment," she hissed. The girl sunk back into herself.
"Do not scold Knight Atris for calling out your so plainly visible flaws."
Kae turned on Vrook. "Would you scold me for calling out all of yours?"
The Council grew quiet and tense. "Ah, and there it is. The hypocrisy. You hate me, but you deny it. You claim to try and aid those suffering, but you deny them. You claim to do good, but deliberate in opulence while evil is wrought across the galaxy. The galaxy hates the Jedi for this. At least the Sith actively do anything. The Jedi just let the galaxy die."
"Enough!" Vrook snapped, rising to his feet.
"No!" Arren Kae growled, freezing him in place. "You assumed my guilt for a decision my pupil made, a pupil who all of you decided was a Jedi Knight in his own right. One capable and responsible for his own decisions. You do not wish to see your own guilt, the blood on your own hands, so you try to bathe mine in it. Cowards. Fools. If this is what it is to be Jedi, then I cast it off." She pulled her lightsaber from her belt and tossed it to the ground, refusing to follow their rules and place it in the obelisk. "To have such power and lack humanity... Bah. No power of the Jedi is worth that." She turned from the council chambers.
"You were not dis -"
"Let her go, Vrook," Vash cut him off. "Let her go."
"She will join her student in the Mandalorian Wars!" Vrook protested. "She will do immeasurable harm and -"
"She is no Jedi. And as long as she is no Sith, it is not our duty," she heard Kavar say. Arren Kae scoffed. So like the Jedi. Push the duty off on another. If that was the way of the Jedi, she would refuse to be one.
And so she betrayed her upbringing for the first time.
X X X
The Mandalorian Wars had been... good. It was not something she had expected. To enjoy the campaigns of violence and destruction. At first, she passed it off as having an opportunity to see her pupil become everything she had ever thought he could be. She passed it off as finally having Yusanis all to herself. They fought at one another's side, one of Revan's greatest strike teams. They fought in perfect sync, and her command of the Force was impressive. Intense. She allowed all to believe that it was Yusanis, and she was simply his bodyguard. She had no desire to be recognized as a Jedi. Not anymore. A Jedi would not be here, fighting. A Jedi was not alive.
Eventually, she had to admit it to herself. It had been quiet until that moment. Comforting to ignore and just accept. She had spent the entire war accepting that silence. Letting it fill her so she would not have to confront the truth. Yusanis watched, growing further and further from her. But he still loved her. Right up until that moment. Right up until Revan's third in command activated the Mass Shadow Generator, and the Force filled her with its truth, peeling away the quiet lie she had told herself and nearly breaking her. She was forced to admit something in that moment. She had Fallen.
It shook her to the core. It echoed within her, as it did to many of the Jedi that remained after the battle. And then it was comforting. The horrors she had seen and inflicted were not horrors. They were necessities. They were necessary to gain power. Power she could use to see her daughter again. To wipe away the corruption of the Jedi Order, to fix it. She had found the answer. The Jedi refused power, refused conflict, refused life. That was what they lacked. So she would find more conflict. She would find more power. She would find more life. And when she was ready, she would change the face of the galaxy for the better. "Ari."
Arren Kae turned her head towards the voice, ignoring the messy, gray and brown hair extending into her vision. He sounded so... so very tired, in that moment. His hair had once been a shining white, vibrant and full of life. That color had dulled into an exhausted gray. He had scars. So very many scars. Wrinkles. He was old. She was old, she realized with a start. His gray eyes fixed on her, searching desperately for something in her gaze. "Please. Come back with me." He held his hand out to her. Those hands she knew so well. She loved the feeling of her hands in his. "See our daughter with me. Let her know you."
She stared at his hand and her own twitched. It wanted to reach out and feel them again. She wanted to hold his hand and go with him, embracing her daughter and let all of this go. She took a half step towards him.
But then she stopped. Her daughter. She would be destroyed by the Jedi. They would lose her as soon as she was opened to the Force. She pulled away. "I need power."
Yusanis watched her and let his hand fall. "You need our child, Ari. You've changed and – And I'm afraid."
"I have done what was necessary," she hissed coolly.
Yusanis' gaze fell to the ground. "I have seen you enjoy hurting others. Enjoy killing them. This weapon was necessary, yes, but the glow in your eyes when it was used?" He shook his head. "Ari, please... Please."
She turned from him. "This place. It has so much power. If I learn to use it – Yu, this is the answer to the question! I can fix the Jedi with what I find here. I can free them from what binds them to a foolish code. And then I can teach our daughter and -"
"No!" Yusanis snapped, and she whirled on him. "You would teach her to be like you are now? Ari, you lack something even more than the Jedi, now. You don't love me. I can see it. You don't even love Brianna. You love... power."
Arren Kae scoffed and moved towards the shuttle. "If you leave now, you leave our daughter forever. You lose me, you lose her, and you lose yourself. You will be dead to us all."
She froze at the edge of the ramp, and that desire to go with him flared up. Bright and hopeful. She imagined losing him and it destroyed her. She loved him. He loved her. They loved their daughter! She could not lose that, could not kill it!
But... a quiet voice in her mind began. But... if he really loved you would he not support you? Would he not agree with you? The Jedi endanger Brianna. The Jedi endanger you. They endanger the galaxy by letting such things as the Mandalorians run rampant. They are fools and cowards. They had already blackmailed Yusanis so long ago to use against her, she knew they would use her daughter. For the greater good. She could never allow such a thing. And with nothing left to lose, nothing left to sacrifice but herself... it would be worth it.
And so she betrayed Arren Kae for the first time.
X X X
Darth Traya had thought that if the Jedi were lacking, surely then the Sith must be the answer. And Traya agreed that there was something they had that the Jedi ignored. Something beautiful and powerful. Conflict was constant, and thus growth never ending. She had grown significantly since taking the title of Darth Traya upon herself, teaching two powerful Sith who bound themselves to life through the power of the Force. Sion was a corpse, his flesh turned to stone through hatred. He was broken bones and flesh, gangrene blood, blinded eyes, constant pain. But that gave him incredible strength in the Dark Side. He hungered for approval, and was thus firmly under her thumb. The other was concerning. Nihilus was nothing. His Hunger, a desire to devour the Force entirely, had devoured his body and he was enslaved to it. But he was powerful, and useful. One day she would destroy him, but until then he would one day be useful in helping to exterminate the Jedi. By all rights, she should feel fulfilled.
And yet she felt hollow. She searched for more power to fill that emptiness. She had aged much faster than usual in the short years she had been on Malachor V. The atmosphere of the place devoured her, its hunger even greater than Nihilus'. A wound, a scream that filled her mind. At times, she would cast her mind into the universe and take comfort in a single spot she had found. No screams, no echoes. Just quiet. A dead spot. That moment without the force was when the hollowness was... not filled. Rather, it was simply not there.
And so a new question arose for her to ponder. If the Sith believe more power is the only path to peace, why does it inspire emptiness instead? She had meditated on the question in the Trayus Core often, using the Force Nexus within to surge across the Galaxy and seek out the answer. A galaxy thrown into war by Revan, her former apprentice.
He had visited her, before its start. He had spoken to her of what he had found beyond the Unknown Regions. Death and destruction. The Old Sith. Revan had been broken by their Emperor, as had Alek. No, Malak. But not their other friend. He was gone. Dead? Perhaps. But Revan was different than the other Sith. He seemed close to the answer that Traya herself sought. Or perhaps the antithesis of the answer? It was hard to tell with unknowns. But he was different from Sith, yet different from Jedi. There was an exhaustion in him. Yes, the rage and hatred were there. But he was tired, and those emotions were devoted to something else: defending against the other Sith. He said he would send her Jedi to break, to make loyal to him. She had agreed, recognizing that Revan was the greatest chance to defeat this Sith Empire he had described. He had promised to return one day, to ask her aid once more. And then he had left.
And so she pondered him and her question, trying to understand it. The Jedi created Sith, over and over. The Sith feel hollow no matter what. And those between? Exhaustion. Why were all with the Force cursed like this? And why did it happen a thousand times over? The Jedi claimed the Force desired Balance and enacted its will for that. The Sith claimed the Force wanted creatures to live for themselves. And yet those who tried to embody those beliefs were rewarded with no semblance of peace. Why? What could –
And then, as she meditated, she felt it. The hollow feeling within her imploded in an instant, the entire feeling concentrated on one spot. Her mind cast about in the galaxy in her meditation and she lurched forward, one hand to the offending organ. Her mind burned and spun, searching for the source of this pain. She traced it back, deeper within herself, then it echoed out into the galaxy. Immediately, she was on Eshan, seeing the events playing out in the mind of a young woman. She saw him, a man in flowing black robes, the Darkness emanating from him. Red burned in his right hand as he dueled with a great warrior with white hair. The young woman watched the battle with rapt attention, filled with terror. She knew... without a doubt...
Her father would lose.
It was not surprise that drove that feeling in her to scream into the galaxy. No, she knew her father was about to die. She knew he would be annihilated by the person dueling him. It was not even the specific way he was killed, his head rolling across the ground in front of her and her older sisters. It wasn't the gaze of the man fixing on them as he lowered the red thing in his hand. It was anguish that burned deep within her, sending that feeling out as a scream. The man raised a hand and seemed to flinch at the noise. He moved forward a moment later, excited by something. He reached out for the girl, ready to grab her. Take her. His mask stared down at her and he froze. His hand slowly retreated, and he turned away, leaving the young woman to cry apart from her family.
The young woman's gaze turned on her father's head, finally still on the ground. Yusanis' gaze locked onto the young woman. His youngest daughter.
Traya's mind flinched and she was torn away from the moment. "No..." she whispered. Arren Kae looked around. "No, I... I have to..." She shut her eyes and cast her mind out. She had to protect Brianna. She had to protect her daughter. Her mind searched the galaxy for an answer. How could she protect her little girl, the last remains of Yusanis. Oh, Force, Yusanis. She felt her heart fracture for a moment but she pushed it from her mind. She had to focus.
And then she found it.
It was a familiar mind. A seeker of answers, on a path Arren Kae had already walked. Easy to predict. Yes... Yes, that would do. She pushed her mind into the Force and connected with that mind.. A simple suggestion, that would be all she needed. Any more and she would be discovered. Any less and it would not be planted. She shut her mind off from everything.
:Atris:
And so she betrayed Darth Traya for the first time.
X X X
Darth Traya's first student had returned as he had promised, and told her the war had changed. She had not mentioned that he had as well. He was Light again. Different from the Jedi still, but not Dark as he had once been. And still, not at peace. He was still stuck with that exhaustion, the weight of the cycle upon him. It informed her own answer. But she hid from that truth. Hid from its power. She already knew it was a quiet thing, to fall. It was far more terrible to admit it. But this answer was far more terrible to admit. It denied all she had learned as Jedi or as Sith. She hated it. She hated her answer.
She hated the Force. It doomed everything to war for the sake of balance. It destroyed the Jedi for being unwilling to grow. It mocked the Sith for trying to grow at all. It enforced its will in a way that ensured no living, thinking, feeling being would ever be victorious. It became her enemy. It became all she wanted to destroy.
And when she had told her students...
And so, she was betrayed for the first time.
X X X
"... Kreia? Kreia!"
Kreia's blind gaze turned up. "Hm?"
The man in front of her was gazing at her with worry. His shaggy beard hid his frown, but his eyes were so bright with concern. "Are you okay?"
Kreia rolled her eyes. "I was thinking on your question, Exile," she explained quietly. "Do not pity me. Pity causes you to underestimate a threat."
"But you're my ally, Kreia."
"And the greatest threats are betrayers," she explained quietly. "Trust nothing, for it will betray you one day."
The Exile shook his head. "Just tell me why it matters I'm spending time with the Handmaiden."
Kreia sneered inwardly. "I knew her mother. She was a Jedi Knight – a master, named Arren Kae," she began, the old story burned into her memory. Her memories. "Jedi are forbidden to have children, and when the crime finally came to light almost a decade later, Kae was exiled. She joined the Mandalorian Wars after the shame of her birth was revealed..."
"She served under Revan?" the Exile asked, frown deepening. "I... I don't remember her."
"Revan welcomed her. And she was... said to be... a skilled warrior." She fought off a wistful tone. "Beautiful, and strong in the Force." She examined the Exile's face as she continued, desperately trying to know his response. "The Force flows strongly in the blood of those born from Force Sesitives. I doubt that Arren was any different. If the servant of Atris is of her blood, then the potential lies within her. If you train her, if you teach her the ways of the Jedi, you will be asking her to break her oath to Atris." The only thing that had kept her safe to this point, even from Atris. Safety already weakening, but... What remained of Arren Kae would not let her endanger the girl. To not let her own past or her goals endanger her. "It would be best not to train her, and let the bloodline die with Telos." Ah, a hint. Perhaps he would hear it.
But no. He cared for the girl too deeply. "But shouldn't she know her heritage?" he wondered instead.
"Should she?" Kreia retorted. She scoffed. "By whose judgment should such truths be revealed? Hm?" Arren Kae's, likely. And Kae demanded she not know. She screamed for it. "I do not have such arrogant presumptions. The Jedi separate children from their parents – as they did you. It is because family exerts a powerful influence on one's development. I am merely saying that revealing such things can have profound consequences... nothing more." Profound and dangerous consequences for all involved. If he loved her as his mind kept whispering, so loudly across their bond, would he see that she deserved to live without the Force using her like she used the Fool Pilot, a pawn in a game of Dejarik.
"... You said 'teach her the ways of the Jedi.'" The Exile raised an eyebrow at Kreia's small, pleased smile. "Curious choice of words."
She hated he was clever. She loved it, but she hated it. Perhaps the answer to her question, the one he could answer, would change her plans. "Ah... that was an interesting choice of words, indeed," she agreed. Going down this logical game would tell her much. "She has sworn not to follow the path of the Jedi, by her oath... but even that oath is limited. One does not need to be Jedi to learn the ways of the Force. I suspect it cares little for our codes and philosophies." It cared for little. Nothing. It caused countless deaths of mere mortals for a goal it refused to share.
He didn't respond to that, his eyes simply showing he was thinking through her words.
"But we were speaking of the servant of Atris – I would caution you to be careful of your interaction with her. She is not as... tempered as you."
The Exile gasped and grew flustered. "I – I..." He too a deep breath and glared at Kreia, eliciting a smirk from the old woman. "I don't want to train anyone."
Good. That was good. "As you will," she said instead. "But there may be a point when you have no choice... you have a curious influence on those around you."
"... I... I have to go."
Kreia held her remaining hand out before he could leave. "Before you go – a word of caution." She lowered her hand and probed their bond, trying to read his emotions and truth. "Spend time with her, if you must – but recognize where your true loyalties lie: to the galaxy and yourself."
He shook his head. "My loyalties lie to my friends and allies."
Kreia nearly laughed at that. "Ah, so it is loyalty you claim when you squander away your time with her." Not a lie, she noticed. Was love not a form of loyalty?
"Never have you wondered," she began, echoing from her memories once more, "what it would mean in the Echani rituals if the two of you sparred and fought – and you won, completely and utterly? If perhaps she would give in, surrender herself to you?" She glared at him in the Force, demanding the truth. "Few are the thoughts that can hide in the shadows of your mind, Exile... and such passions are not strength, but erosion." She would know. They had destroyed her, and that piece of Kae threatened her still. The memories of Yu, and Brianna she had to shatter. It was easier not to gaze upon Arren Kae's face, to refuse the presence of Bri – the Servant of Atris.
The Exile glared at her. "Maybe you should keep your thoughts to yourself," he growled.
Ah, anger and love. Passions. But they did not consume him. An improvement on the Jedi and Sith, she decided. But still reliant on the Force. Still exhausted from the weight of it all. "I cannot help but hear you at times – and such curious thoughts they are, not at all like a Jedi... But I shall keep such thoughts to myself, I think." He turned to leave without another word. "And you should as well," she told him.
He stopped in the hall for a moment. "Kreia..." He turned to her. "Handmaiden. She has a family heirloom. The only thing left of her mother. Perhaps you would like to see them? The robes of Arren Kae, once more?"
Arren Kae stared at the Exile for a moment. Then Kreia turned and knelt down once more, killing that part of her again. "Put weight in truth, Exile. Never in speculation."
"Then perhaps I was simply mistaken." He turned away again and walked away, voice quietly echoing down the Ebon Hawk's metal hallway. "Very well – I shall keep such judgments to myself."
Kreia cast her mind into the Force. What if..?
And so, she betrayed herself yet again, as she always had.
AN:
So I watched The Philosophy of Kreia: A Critical Examination of Star Wars. It was good. An impressive, in depth journey into Kreia's mind. There was a lot I agreed with, a lot I already assumed about Kreia, a lot that changed my mind, and a lot I disagreed with. But more than anything, it reminded me why Kreia is, perhaps, one of the best written Star Wars characters of all time. A villain, yes, but one destroyed by her own decisions and trying to fix a real problem. She just went about it in the wrong way. And even after all of that, her student does not fix the problem. The Exile exacerbates it, rebirths it. And the Force... in Star Wars it does seem like Kreia is right, in a way. It actively wills destruction 'for the greater good.' Not simply bringing good from the bad, it causes bad events in order to create good. I understand why she would hate it. Greater good is a bullshit term. Problem is she decided to enact the same philosophy in response to it. Everything became for the greater good.
Getting off track.
Watching that, I was inspired by one of my favorite quotes of hers. So, I guess, any quote of hers.
"There must always be a Darth Traya, one who holds the knowledge of betrayal. Who has been betrayed in their heart... and will betray in turn."
I've always thought that Kreia was interesting for so many reasons. And with the Arren Kae theory, she becomes so much more. Her daughter, a room away. She obviously has the capacity for love. She does love the Exile. She wishes the best for them, challenges them but never hates them if they are not Sith. She wants them to grow and change, to be more. She is a parent. She would have killed the galaxy for the Exile, for her child. But what is left of Arren Kae? What is left of the first person that Kreia ever betrayed? Does she value that child she carried? Did she ever value Brianna? Does she fight to keep that out of her heart now?
I'd like to think she still cared, despite herself. And that's why she hated Handmaiden so much. It was that connection that threatened her plans. Not Handmaiden's connection with the Exile, but her connection to Arren Kae, to Kreia herself. Family exerts a powerful influence on one's development, after all. And for one who continued to develop even until her death, that effect could be even greater. A temptation to change, to become Arren Kae once more. Perhaps she tried to prevent Handmaiden's training to keep her safe should the Force die. Perhaps she brought her to Atris, in a way. Perhaps she hated Handmaiden. Perhaps she loved her.
And so, she betrayed herself, yet again. As she always had.