Lying to myself I can make it on my own
Making it alone is lonely
Twisting and I'm turning
Oh I'm crashing and I'm burning

(Rescue my Heart by Liz Longley)

Jasper's car smelled like fresh leather and pine trees, and Scarlett burrowed into the comfortable seat, legs tucked against her chest, and watched the blurry shapes of the forest as they whizzed by them. All fight had left her by then, and there was a palpable exhaustion spreading through her limbs.

She looked over at him several times, taking in the easy way in which he had one hand on the steering wheel, the other one leaned against the window to his left. There was a familiar tightness to his jaw, though, one she had grown to recognize quite well by now, and it betrayed his own inner turmoil. It looked like he desperately wanted to say something but didn't know how.

That was all right and well with Scarlett, who was in the midst of her own little crisis. Embarrassment at her earlier meltdown had started to manifest the second she'd gotten in the car and she was desperately trying to keep a lid on it. Despite her trying to act like she didn't care what others thought about her, Scarlett was a little more succeptible to it than she might have liked to admit.

By now she'd become an expert at keeping those things hidden, but she'd already discovered that the man next to her was an exception to the rule, that he could see right through her no matter how hard she tried to keep her emotions under wraps. And while at times it was relieving to be able to communicate without words, sometimes she felt terribly exposed, vulnerable in a way she wasn't used to. To say Jasper put her well out of her comfort zone would have been an understatement and if he didn't also make her feel like stars were bursting from every fiber of her being she'd have abandoned whatever this was a long time ago.

But against all rationality, she was sitting next to him because she wanted to. The need to curl up in a ball of shame because of her state didn't change anything about that.

After what felt like an eternity of tense silence but must have only been a couple of minutes, Jasper decided to finally give voice to his thoughts, seemingly not able to keep them in any longer.

"Don't be embarrassed," he rumbled out next to her, startling her out of her self-depreciating thoughts.

"I'm not." Scarlett recognized how petulant her voice sounded in that moment, and pressed her icy hands to her flaming cheeks so she wouldn't have to look at him.

"Yes you are," he argued, the weight of his gaze on her made obvious by the way the back of her neck was tingling. "Don't be."

For whatever reason, his insistence and the fact that he was spot on irritated her.

"Stop overanalyzing me," Scarlett said, perhaps a little more harshly than was necessary, but she was dealing with a sort of twisting, constricting onslaught of shame and anger and grief that curled around her insides and made her mouth feel entirely uncooperative when it came to listening to reason.

"This isn't about me overanalyzing you, it's about you being embarrassed about whatever it is that's going through your head. And I'm telling you that you shouldn't be." He sounded pleading and while what he said made perfect sense, Scarlett wasn't in the mood to just accept it. Jasper had a habit of trying to get her to overthrow her stony principles about emotions and the habit she'd kept indulging in for most of her teenage life: suppression.

So instead of agreeing, she bit her lip to stop a snarky remark from slipping out and heaved a deep sigh, rearraring her legs into a more comfortable position. From the edge of her seat, Scarlett peeked a glance at Jasper to find his eyes trained on her with a startling clarity, genuine and patient, waiting for her to make the next move.

A weird feeling struck her out of the blue and she suddenly felt bad about him having to deal with her continuous mood swings and trauma that went well beyond the anniversary of her father's death. The small patch of irritation she'd felt a moment earlier dissipated into nothing and was replaced once again with shame. Jasper had only been trying to help her, like he'd done since day one and she was thanking him by giving him lip? And to make matters worse, she'd been the one to ask him to come with her. He probably thought she was unstable at this point with the way her feelings kept flip-flopping all over the place.

Swallowing the lump in her throat she mumbled "Can you please drop it?" A small peace offering, she hoped. Her voice was a barely audible whisper and while she wasn't purposely trying to appear like it, she must have made a pretty pathetic picture with her bloodshot eyes and messy appearance.

She dared to peek at him and just barely witnessed the way his eyes became overshadowed with something undescernible until he turned his gaze back on the road. There was a small, crinkling sound as his hands tightened on the steering wheel. That familiar little line between his eyebrows appared once again.

"I'm sorry," he said, sounding considerably less sure of himself in contrast to only a few minutes ago. Scarlett didn't have a fucking clue what he was apologizing for. "I didn't mean to overstep any boundaries." His words prodded her eyes to widen a fraction and she almost huffed out a laugh at how much he'd misinterpreted the situation. While his earlier words had frustrated her, it wasn't him she was angry at but rather her volatile self. By lashing out like that she must have given him the wrong impression.

"Fuck, Jasper," she said, shaking her head. This time she waited for him to look at her so she could meet his eyes head on. "I'm just a mess, alright?" Festering dangerously close to the surface, Scarlett could feel the beginnings of even more tears threatening to overwhelm her. She bit her lip hard enough to sting to keep a grip on herself. "I already told you I'm not going to be the most pleasant person to be around these couple of days," she sighed, realizing that she'd put Jasper in the middle of a hurricane and all of a sudden felt a little guilty about it. "Just drop me off at home, please? I don't want to burden you with any of this even more than I already have. I'll just end up snapping at you even more and I don't want that."

An angry frown appeared on Jasper's face that made Scarlett fear she'd said something wrong. She unconsciously shrunk back into her seat a little more. "I don't care about any of that," Jasper said in a hard voice. "For me, this is not a pick and choose. There are good and bad times and I want to be around for all of them, not just when things are going great. You're human, Scarlett. Cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to be sad. Nobody's going to judge you for it, least of all me."

Deep down, she realized that this was what she didn't necessarily want, but needed to hear. While running away from Jasper might have been easier, hearing him accept her vulnerability was so much better. Scarlett couldn't remember the last time someone had urged her to face her sorrow head on, except for Alma maybe. But that was an entirely different thing. Years and years of ignoring the thundercloud of her emotions had turned Scarlett into someone afraid of her own feelings, of what she might discover should she choose to allow herself a moment of weakness.

Being overwhelmed was not the same thing, she couldn't control that. But voluntarily opening the floodgates was something she was terrified of.

"If you don't feel comfortable doing it in front of me, I'll respect that. Just don't force yourelf to be someone else because you're afraid what others might think."

She hadn't said anything for a long while and even doubted that she could with the way her lower lip was quivering as a result of her inner turbulence. She'd naively believed that her earlier outburst had been the worst of it, but now realized that it had been a small fraction of what she was capable of.

Jasper placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and with a start, Scarlett realized that he'd parked the car in an abandoned parking lot in the forest, a small, weathered hiking path leading off to the side.

"It's up to you," he whispered, his thumb resting just below her nape. „What do you want to do?"

"I don't know," Scarlett breathed, shaking her head slowly. Her eyes were burning.

"Let me rephrase that: What do you need?"

His words rumbled against her skin and prompted a small shiver out of her. Once again, she shrugged. "A bottle of wine and a pack of cigarettes?"

Jasper huffed a disapproving breath and gently nudged her side. "I've got an idea. Come on."

Ignoring her continued questions about where they were going, Jasper led her up the beaten path, a cool hand pressing against her lower back with a gentle firmness, as if he were afraid that she was going to bolt any minute. For some time, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of their shoes making small identations on the gravelly ground and her labored breathing as their course steadily sent them into an upward slope.

For the entirety of the short walk, Scarlett was in a detached sort of state. She took in their surroundings, a small rock off to the side, the gloomy grey of the sky above them, a dusting of pine needles near the trunk of a huge tree, but they seemed far away, as if she were watching them through a lens that didn't allow for more than basic shapes.

More than once, she stumbled over her own two feet, prompting Jasper to turn around and inquire whether she was alright. Every time, she would nod and continue on, too proud to acknowledge the lethargy that had begun to spread through her like sludge.

After probably the fourth time, Jasper bent down and scooped her up without batting an eyelash, ignoring her spluttered protest as she flailed her arms in search of somewhere to grab on. In the end, she settled with tangling them around his neck, a dusting of soft hair tickling her wrist in a soft caress. Deep down, she had the urge to run her hands through it.

"You could have at least warned me," she said with a small pout.

The corners of Jasper's mouth twitched. "You would have said no."

"Whatever," she mumbled, too tired to argue. And she had to admit that this was considerably more comfortable than stumbling over roots, the firmness of Jasper's chest and his comforting, sweet smell lulling her into a considerably more relaxed statw

It didn't take much for Scarlett's drooping eyes to close as she settled back against Jasper. Her head was relatively empty as he carried her to wherever and she focused on the easy way in which he maneuvered through the winded path, a soft sway that almost lulled her to sleep. Her weight didn't seem to faze him in the slightest, and on the few occasions where he adjusted his grip on the undersides of her knees, he was as tender as always, his touch a soft breath of spring that might have prompted a shiver out of her at another time.

The wind had picked up significantly by now and a rather strong gust did make Scarlett shiver, the one layer she was wearing not enough to ward off the increasing chilliness. Jasper's arms instinctively tightened around her as he held her even closer, but his lack of body heat did little to help. Burying her hands in the worn out sleeves of her hoodie, Scarlett huffed a lackluster laugh as she caught his dissatisfied gaze.

"What?"

"Nothing," she shrugged, poking out her bottom lip. "I was just thinking how you're clearly not as hot as everybody always makes you out to be."

"That was bad," Jasper said drily. "Even for you."

At his words, she felt a small spark of something below the blanket of resignation that was residing over her. "Listen, buddy," she said. "Give me one to two business days and I'll be back."

"The Sarcasm-Machine is out of order?"

"Exactly."

They shared a barely-there smile before Jasper announced that she should hold on tight and leapt up a rather tall ledge that loomed before them. Despite the warning, Scarlett felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her, heart sinking into her stomach and her stomach sinking into her ass. They were in the air for a fraction of a moment, and as the ground came closer at an alarming speed, Scarlett screwed her eyes shut and clawed her hands into the collar of Jasper's jacket. She didn't dare to breathe until they touched back onto solid ground with a grace she'd grown accustomed to when it came to Jasper.

"Fuck," she breathed, cracking her eyes open. Body singing with adrenaline, she slowly loosened her grip on his collar.

"You alright?"

At his concerned voice, she looked up and nodded, a small, but sincere smile tugging at the corners of her lips for the first time that day. "I didn't know you could do that. Looks like I've still got a lot to learn about you."

With the way they were still pressed together, she felt the rumbling chuckle vibrate in his chest rather than hear it. "I think that goes for both of us."

They were simple words, but to Scarlett they sounded very much like a promise. That everything had just begun, that they were on the beginning of a long path, destination still unclear. And there it was again, that feeling of inevitability, like autumn giving way to winter. She, just like everything else in this world was powerless against nature. And much like winter, Jasper was cold, but a strange sort of cold – the kind that soothed instead of stinging, the kind that doused fires and turned cheeks red without a touch but with a smile. And like the last leaf on the tree, Scarlett could feel herself slowly fluttering to the ground.

Lost in the beginnings of a dangerous realization, she didn't notice that she'd been staring at him like a creep for the past few moments, mouth slightly parted and brows furrowed as if she were solving a particularly difficult equation. But rather than appear weirded out, Jasper was watching her with a patient expression. Neither of them moved or said anything for some time, eyes locked in a silent conversation. Eventually, as her treacherous mind wandered, Scarlett's eyes dropped down to Jasper's lips. His bottom lip was elegantly arched and slightly fuller than the top one, and only from this angle could she see that there was a small, silvery scar running all the way down to his jaw. She was itching to touch it with something other than her fingers.

Jasper cleared his throat, taking her completely by surprise. She looked up to find him studiously avoiding her gaze.

"We're here by the way," he announced gently, nodding at something behind Scarlett.

The moment was over and a little reluctantly, head still reeling from a second ago, she untangled her arms from behind his neck as he bent down to put her feet back on the ground. She turned around and for the second time in less than a minute, Jasper had caused her to become overwhelmed.

They were less than a few feet away from a sprawling cliff, the ground dropping into nothing a couple of feet away. Rocks the size of her thumb littered the ground, eventually giving way to dirt where they'd broken through the treeline. In the distance, the sky was painted with white and charcoal grey, mountains rising to the top in unruly shape. Below them, or from what Scarlett could see from her position, even more forest lay beneath in a blanket of green.

It was a beautiful scenery, something one might see in a painting and Scarlett let herself take it all in for several moments before speaking.

"Where'd you find this?" she asked, a little breathless. Carefully peeking over the edge, she was amazed to find that there was nothing but nature for miles around. Filling her lungs with the icy air, Scarlett felt some of the restlesness eating away at her melt away.

"We sometimes hunt in the area," Jasper explained as he came to stand next to her. Glancing up at his profile, Scarlett envied the strands of her that were tickling his jawline. "I thought you might enjoy the view."

"I do," she said quietly, not taking her eyes off him.

He didn't say anything else like she'd expected him to and Scarlett realized that he seemed tense, as if he were contemplating something serious. She took a page out of his book and decided not to bother him, to let him decide whether he wanted to share or not. She patiently watched the beautiful play of nature around them, and got close to getting lost in it before he spoke up again.

"I grew up in Texas," he said, gaze straight ahead and hands buried in the pockets of his jacket. "I don't remember much but there was a lot of heat and sand and sun. A bland scenery in my opinion. It wasn't until this life that I realized the world is a much bigger and more beautiful place. Although it took me a long time to be able to appreciate it. I had a one track mind, living for the promise of violence."

Scarlett was hanging onto his every word, greedily sucking up every piece of information he was willing to divulge. Very carefully, not wanting to dig too deep, she asked, "What changed?"

"I'd been living the same way for too long, doing things that without a shadow of a doubt had turned me into a monster. A real one. I didn't want to be that anymore. Or to redeem myself, I guess." He barked out a bitter laugh. "If that's even possible."

Scarlett opened her mouth to retort something, but he continued talking before she had the chance. "A soldier in my first life and a soldier again in this one. It seemed fitting at the time, and there was this… person who made it seem like that was the only path for me. I won't say I didn't have a choice because I did, I just didn't know it at the time."

Scarlett couldn't help it, but she had to ask. "A woman?"

There was a long pause. "Yes."

She'd been trying to connect the dots since he'd started speaking and although her tongue felt like sludge and something inside of her was warning her not to, she still needed confirmation. "This woman… she was the one who changed you?" Even to her ears, her voice sounded meek and quiet, but she was glad that she'd had the courage to ask nonetheless. Carefully, Scarlett peeked up at Jasperand cringed at the way his expression was that of a pained man, any semblance of happiness dusted off by painful memories.

He was still beautiful, but in a twisted way that only confirmed how much willpower it must have cost him to tell her all this. There was no answer this time, the question evidently hitting too close to home, but his silence was confirmation enough. Jasper turned away from her, managing to hide his stormy expression as Scarlett felt a wave of remorse punch her right in the gut. She hadn't meant to cause him any pain, but he'd been so open only a moment before. Clearly, he had his own battle of unresolved emotions to deal with.

She felt rooted to the spot by guilt and the revelation, mind racing with the glimpse of his past and how horrible it must have been. She only knew a tiny portion of it, but still shuddered at the idea of what he'd gone through.

Fighting the stiffness in her bones, Scarlett took a step forward, arm outstretched, and very gingerly laid a hand on his rigid back, right between his shoulder blades. He didn't move an inch, but let out a long breath as she ground out a small, "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize," he said. "I wanted to tell you. I haven't talked about all of this in a long time and it took me by surprise how much it still…"

"Fucks you up?"

He let out a sound that was somewhere between a groan and a laugh. "I guess you could say that."

"You don't have to tell me anything you're not comfortable with," she replied, although she was still full of so many questions.

"I am comfortable with you." He turned around, making her hand drop from his back and got so close she could count his eyelashes one by one. "And I want you to know me, the real me. I think it's only fair."

"Why?"

"So you can fully know what you're getting into."

Jasper's ability to make so much sense was something she both loved and hated. And right now, she loved it. Because it meant that she would get to know more, fill out all of those gaps that flickered with bright question marks. But before she could fire out another question that would make him react like earlier, she forced herself to really think about her next words. She wanted answers yes, but not at the cost of making Jasper suffer like that.

He pointed at a large rock a few feet to the side, its surface relatively flat, and Scarlett gave a nod of understanding. Her tired legs were more than thankful for the opportunity to sit down and even though the stone was cold, it was a lot better than standing right at the edge of the cliff where the wind was even more piercing. Right as she rubbed her icy palms against each other for some warmth, something large and soft was dropped onto her shoulders.

As the honey-sweet scent filled her nose, she realized that it was Jasper's jacket. Slipping her arms through the sleeves, Scarlett immediately felt a few degrees warmer. Whether it really was due to the jacket or simply the fact that it was Jasper's, it didn't matter. She mumbled out a sincere "Thank you" and tried to inconspicuously bury her nose in the jacket's collar so she could catch a few more traces of sweetness and vanilla and starlit sky.

In the midst of Jasper's numerous revelations, she'd forgotten about why they were here in the first place; her unstable ass. He'd really managed to divert her attention from some of the brunt and for that she was thankful, but she also knew that he could only do so much. At one point she would have to go home and face those snarling memories of hers. She shrank back further into Jasper's jacket, searching for a comfort she only she could really give herself.

Jasper had sat down next to her, their shoulders brushing, or rather, her shoulder and his arm with the way their height difference decided to show itself.

"Ask me something," he said, gently bumping into her. The look he was giving her was strange, a blend of worry and determination and something else she couldn't put her finger on. With a start, she suddenly realized what he was doing.

He wasn't just telling her about his past so she'd fully know what she was getting into, but rather to distract her from this day. He was willing to confront his own demons so she had some more time until she would have to meet face to face with her own. And he didn't even know what he was distracting her from because she'd never told him anything. But he was still trying. Because apparently, there wasn't a thing Jasper hadn't been willing to do for her yet.

Something was bubbling up inside of her, something that had been begging to come out since the moment in the parking lot but was still being held back by a mountain of doubt and pride. But right now, with him here prepared to open himself up for her, she felt the urge to return the favor. Not because she felt indebted to him by any means, but because she felt like she could trust someone for once.

So in typical Scarlett fashion, all graceless and undignified, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "My father killed himself five years ago today."

The regret that swept over her a second after the words were out was unparalleled by anything she'd ever felt and the need to bolt, to just run, get ouf of there (!) was so strong, it took all of her willpower to stay seated. Jasper was dead silent next to her and she didn't dare to look at him lest she find him looking at her with disgust, or even worse, pity.

Her tongue felt like lead as she tried to get out another coherent sentence. "I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head in hopes of getting rid of the dizziness. "I just… I was thinking," she took a deep breath. "To be honest I didn't know what I was thinking. I just wanted to say it, I guess. Fucking word vomit."

She made to stand up, needing to move if she wasn't going to pass out from adrenaline any second now, but Jasper snatched her wrist and pulled her back down before she her ass had even left the rock they were sitting on. His touch was gentle but firm and she knew that he wasn't going to let her go that easily.

"Scarlett," he said, prompting her to look at him. She sucked in a deep breath and peeked up, afraid of what she might find there. Her worries were squashed immediately as she didn't find any semblance of pity or distaste in his gaze. His amber eyes were intently trained on her, as if he were trying to figure her out even more, his mouth downturned in that usual frown of his. "You're alright," he assured her in a steady voice, his hand slipping down from her wrist so he could take her hand into his.

His thumb swept out to caress a dry spot of skin between her forefinger and thumb and she closed her eyes, bundled up as much of the distress as she could, and swallowed it down. For the next three breaths, she focused on the coolness of his touch and that familiar feeling spreading through her veins that meant Jasper was trying to calm her down.

"You're alright," he repeated, this time in a soft whisper.

"Yeah," she croaked, letting her hair fall in front so it framed her face and hid her from Jasper's watchful gaze. She squeezed his hand as a silent thank you. "Sorry, I just - I haven't told anybody about this in, well, forever."

"You don't have to feel obligated to tell me something like that just because I told you about my past, Scarlett," he said, sounding way too dejected for her taste.

"I told you because I wanted to. Because," she hesitated to find the right words, „you've proven to me over and over again that I can tell you without having to feel like shit about it. I mean, I still feel like shit but that's just an aftereffect, I think. I don't feel like shit because I told you." Her rambling words made little sense and she cringed at how awkward they must have sounded.

There was a sudden coolness near her cheek and she realized that it was Jasper's elegant hand tucking a strand of hair behind her ear so he could catch her gaze once more. "For what it's worth, and I know it isn't much," he said, "I'm so sorry that happened to you."

Usually, whenever she heard those words in correlation to her father's death, Scarlett felt something ranging from annoyance to anger. But in this case, Jasper's words sounded so sincere she didn't have it in her to be annoyed or angry, not with the way he was looking at her. As if he would fight the whole word if it meant making her feel alright again.

And in that moment, it was enough. It clouded over her hollow chest and awakened something she hadn't felt in a long time; the need to tell somebody her story. She'd already come out and done the first step, the need to go on getting stronger with every breath and second that Jasper fixed her with that look.

Scarlett mulled over her options and the strangeness of her sudden desire to talk about things she sometimes didn't even dare to think about. What did she have to lose? If Jasper was to be deterred by such things he'd have left her in the dust a long time ago.

For the first time in a long time, that part of her that was responsible for keeping everything in was steadily getting overpowered, and Scarlett found herself wanting to take that next step for real. Fucking hell, she really did.

"Can I-" she started, the rest of that sentence getting stuck in her throat. She swallowed. "Do you mind if I tell you some more?"

"Of course I don't," Jasper said right away, gripping her hand a little tighter. "You could tell me that you've killed a man and I wouldn't bat an eyelash, Scarlett."

She barked out a laugh at that and felt her chest tighten with a familiar fondness. "That's a little extreme. I haven't, for the record."

"I'm serious," he intoned. "Whatever you want to tell me, you don't have to ask. Ever." He underlined that statement with a serious look, amber eyes glinting with a bold conviction.

She sent a quick prayer up to the heavens because she surely must have gone insane before giving Jasper's hand a final pat and standing up. Arms wrapped around herself, Scarlett chanced a look over the exposed cliff, gaze sweeping over untouched nature and a bland, grey sky as she searched for the right words to begin. She could feel Jasper's eyes boring into her back but remained as she was. Telling him was one thing, looking him in the eye while doing it was another.

But she'd already learned that things never were simple and straightforward so her, so the next part shouldn't have come as much of a surprise.

Before she'd even thought of a coherent sentence, there was an unnatural gust of wind right beside her face and not even a second later, Jasper appeared before her, rigid and tense, not at all like he'd been a moment ago. Something was obviously wrong and it didn't take long for Scarlett to realize that something was seriously wrong.

Jasper's features were screwed up with dread, his mouth a grim line and his eyes betraying something she'd never seen on him before: pure, unadultered fear.

"Wha-?" she brought out as he grabbed both of her arms in an almost painful grip.

"We have to go."

She wanted to argue, to ask that the fuck was going on, but his expression made her shut up and nod. Without another word, he'd swept her up in his arms again and they were flying through the forest.

A/N: Soooo I don't even know where to begin... Obviously I've been gone for quite some time but I guess that's life. A lot of stuff happened, some good and some bad and I needed some time to get back to a good place. But I haven't forgotten about this story, quite the contrary, and am super glad to continue now.

This chapter was a whole lot of dialogue but I needed to set some things up before we get into more of the action next chapter. I've been thinking about Jasper and Scarlett and their story almost every day and have some really juicy stuff planned.

Despite me disappearing from the face of the earth for three months, I hope you guys are still sticking with me and enjoy this one!

As always, I would love to hear your comments and thoughts!

Until next time, lovelies :)