Chaldea; the organization created to protect humanity. Its remaining members include its last master, Fujimaru Ritsuka, Mashu Kyrielight, Leonardo Da Vinci, Fou, and many other servants summoned from the Throne of Heroes.

Usually, every day in Chaldea is always eventful because of the number of servants around.

However, today may as well be Chaldea's most eventful and craziest day ever...

All because of a saint quartz summoning of a certain hero...

Ritsuka now stands in Chaldea's summoning room. After countless hours of grinding for saint quarts, he was finally ready to summon new servants, hoping that he would get some servants instead of Black Keys, Mapo Tofu, and other craft essences.

"All right! Hope I can get some new servants today!" Ritsuka exclaimed excitedly. He was hoping to get some new servants after his last summoning event in which...it didn't go so well for him in which he ended up with only craft essences.

And that happened multiple times on that day...

Anyways, Ritsuka puts the negative thoughts from his last summoning event behind him and thought positively. "Hope I get something good today," he thought as he placed the saint quartz onto the summoning alter.

"Senpai. Are you sure about this?" Mashu asked.

"Sure. Why?"

"Well..." Mashu meekly said before thinking about the last summoning event...

(Flashback...)

"GOD DAMN IT! JUST HOW?! HOW?! AFTER MULTIPLE TIMES, I STILL DIDN'T GET A SERVANT?! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! IS THE SUMMONING SYSTEM SCREWING ME OVER OR WHAT?!" Ritsuka yelled on the other side of his room after the multiple failed attempts.

At that point, he was starting to sound like berserker and started cursing like there was no tomorrow.

It was then that Mashu happened to be nearby and was traumatized at Ritsuka's yelling and cursing.

(Back to the present...)

"That's why," Mashu said after recalling what happened after the summoning event.

"Oh..." Ritsuka said embarrassingly after finding out that Mash heard his berserker-crazed outburst and curses. "Well today can't go that bad."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. I just probably had a bad streak that day. Anyway, after weeks of grinding for saint quartz and summon tickets, I'm finally ready to summon some new servants!"

"Okay then...just don't rage and flip out when things go wrong please," Mashu pleaded.

"Relax. What's the worst that can happen?"

(A few minutes later...)

Ritsuka was in despair. Total despair as the saint quartz and summoning tickets he was saving up for were completely wasted as all that came out of the summoning system were like last time: craft essences.

Especially when most of the craft essences were Mapo Tofu and Black Keys.

"Damn it...it's just like last time..." Ritsuka muttered as he was all fours on the ground in despair while crying.

"Senpai..." Mashu said worryingly.

"Why...just why?"

Mash looked at Ritsuka and gave him some words of comfort. "If you don't mind...you can have this," she said as she hands him a few saint quartz.

Ritsuka looks at Mash in shock. "Mashu, you..." he stammers.

"I know it's not much...but please. Take it."

Ritsuka grabed the saint quartz and gave her a hug. "Thank you."

Mashu blushed at the hug. "N-No problem."

As Ritsuka released Mash from the hug he gave her, he then went up to the summoning altar and placed the saint quartz there. As the summoning system glowed up, Ritsuka made a prayer.

"Please give me something good! I beg of you!"

As he prayed, the alter lit up, temporarily blinding the two from how bright the light was. The saint quartz then disappeared, then formed into multiple blue orbs. Then the blue orbs started to connect with each other and turned into a ring of blue sparks swirling around. Then the ring split into three and continued to swirl around.

As the light faded, it revealed a silver card showing a knight holding a sword with both hands. However, the card started to cackle as gold sparks moved around the card, turning it into a gold saber class card. The card then disappeared as a man appeared.

The man had red hair, golden brown eyes, and his facial features looks like he's Japanese. He was nearly shirtless as on his left arm was a red shroud with markings with a white kimono on his shoulders. On his legs were black pants and steeled toe boots along with a Katana strapped on his side.

"Servant class saber: Emiya Shirou. Pseudo-Servant vessel to Sengo Muramasa, the demonic blacksmith. I have responded to your summoning call. I ask you, are you my master?"

The seconds become endless and the tension grew in the air as the three of them looked at each other. After a few minutes of silence, Ritsuka finally spoke out.

"Y-Yes," he said in shock as he was trying to process what just happened. Not only he managed to get something hopefully good for once, but the servant he managed to summon was a pseudo-servant, something he has not seen for a while.

"Oh my, just what is going on here?" A new voice came in.

Ritsuka and Mashu looked behind to see Da Vinci coming into the room. "Ah! Da Vinci, you're just in time. Can you check the stats on Shirou-san please?" Mashu asked.

"Shirou? Who's he?"

"A new servant that I just summoned. He's right in front of you."

As Da Vinci looked at Shirou on the alter, she noticed something as she was checking her stats that made her gasp.

Servant: Emiya Shirou(Saber)

Strength: A

Endurance: B+

Agility: C+

Mana: B

Luck: E

Noble Phantasm: ?, ?

"What the heck? Why can't I see his noble phantasms?" Da Vinci thought.

"What's wrong Da Vinci?" Mash asked.

"Well...Ritsuka, Mashu, you might want to see this."

Ritsuka and Mashu then went over to see what was going on with Shirou's stats. While Ritsuka was inwardly smiling as he finally got something good for once, they were surprised at how his noble phantasms were blurred out.

"What the heck? We can't see his noble phantasms?" Ritsuka exclaimed.

"Is it even possible for this to happen?" Mashu asked Da Vinci.

"Honestly, even with my genius and experience, this is something that I am stumped on as well. We never had a case where we can't see his noble phantasms, so this is a first."

"Uh...master...just what is going on?" Shirou asked.

The three then looked at Shirou.

"Umm...Shirou-san. For some reason, we can't see your noble phantasms in the stats," Mashu replied.

"Huh...guess something went wrong with the summoning system."

"Can you still use them?" Da Vinci asked.

"I think so, although I rarely use one of them to be honest. I consider the other noble phantasm that I have as a last resort when things get ugly."

"I see...well then, welcome to Chaldea Shirou! Let me and Mash show you the place!" Ritsuka exclaimed happily.

"Chaldea? What's that?" Shirou asked as he, Ritsuka, Mashu, and Da Vinci left the summoning room and began walking in Chaldea's hallway.

"An organization designed to protect humanity. What we do is that we find singularities and try to fix the problem."

"I see...just how do you do that?"

"Simple. We summon heroic spirits using the summoning alter we have here. It's how you got here to begin with."

"And I suppose you get those heroic spirits from the Throne of Heroes correct?"

"Y-Yes! You know about the Throne of Heroes?" Mashu asked.

"Yeah. I used to be a magus before I became a heroic spirit, so I know what the Throne of Heroes is."

"Really?! What skills do you have?"

"Well...I have a B-rank in magic resistance and riding, and a C-rank in Independent Action, which is fair considering my actions in the past. As for my personal skills, I have quite a few. I have the Mana Burst skill at A-rank, in which it boosts my parameters to what a master can muster. My Eye of the Mind is ranked B, in which it allows me to predict my opponent's next moves in battle to a certain extent. I also have the clairvoyance skill at rank C. It isn't like Merlin's or Solomon's as it can only let me track fast-moving objects from long distances away."

"Wow! That's a lot!" Ritsuka exclaimed.

"Yeah. Lastly is my magecraft. Like mentioned earlier, I was a magus when I was a human. While my magecraft is ranked C-, I specialize in a certain magecraft."

"And what would that be?" Mash asked.

Shirou smirked. "Well, just take a look at it and see."

He then stretched his arm out and said two words that were stuck to him in his entire life.

"Trace on."

As soon as the words left him, a familiar pair of Chinese falchions appeared in his hands.

"Is that a-?!" Da Vinci exclaimed in shock.

"Yup."

"Wait...did you just project a noble phantasm?!" Mashu exclaimed in shock.

"Yes."

"Wow! This is incredible!" Da Vinci exclaimed. "So are you able to mass produce noble phantasms?"

"To a certain extent. It all depends on what weapon I see and if I am able to copy it or not."

"See? Copy?" Ritsuka asked.

Shirou let out a sigh before continuing. "The way my projection magecraft works is that whenever I see a weapon, I put the image of it in my head and attempt to replicate it."

"Is that so..." Mashu asked.

"Yeah. However, one limit to this is that I can't replicate divine constructs."

"Are you somehow related to EMIYA in any way since you carry that name as well as tracing noble phantasms?" Da Vinci asked.

Shirou gave it a long thought before saying, "In a way, I am."

"I see..." Ritsuka said before his stomach starts growling, making him blush.

Shirou chuckled at that. "You seemed to be hungry."

"Yeah...let's stop by the cafeteria."

"As you wish master. Do you want me to cook something as well?"

"You can cook?"

"Yes."

And then the group of four then left for the cafeteria.

(Meanwhile in the cafeteria...)

"Archer! More seconds!"

"Yes, yes, coming right up."

In Chaldea's cafeteria, Archer(also known as heroic spirit EMIYA) was cooking up multiple plates of food for a bunch of groups that included Arturia and her alternate selves, Ishtar, her rider self, and Ereshkigal, Pravati and her look-alikes, Illya and her alternate selves, Miyu, and Astraea. Right now, Arturia and her alternate selves were chowing down on the food Archer made for them, Ishtar, her rider version, and Astraea were fighting over who gets the last slice cake from Archer while Ereshkigal watched nervously, Pavati, BB, Passionlip, and Meltlilith were talking to each other, and Illya, Kuro, Sitonai, and Miyu were eating deserts with Irisviel and surprisingly, Kiritsugu.

As such, this was a usual day in Chaldea's cafeteria, in which it always involves the archer making food for the den of lions, three goddesses fighting each other with one watching on the sidelines, a bunch of look-alikes having a chat with each other, and sisters enjoying sweets with their family.

However, as soon as Shirou, Ritsuka, Mashu, and Da Vinci entered the cafeteria, things changed completely.

Because apparently, Shirou's presence can alert others immediately.

"This famillar presence...could it be?" they all thought in unison.

All the Arturias, Rins, Sakuras, Illyas, Miyu, Luvia, Irisviel, Kiritsugu, and Archer suddenly dropped what they were doing and noticed that Shirou along with Ritsuka, Mashu, and Da Vinci just came into the room. However, all their attention was focused on Shirou, especially the girls. As the girls gazed upon Shirou, they blushed at how handsome he got.

Especially in the abs. Oh those defined abs of his.

After a few moments of silence, Ritsuka tried to break the silence, but the girls got to him first.

"SHIROU!" Arturia and her alter, lily, summer archer, rider alter, santa alter, lancer, lancer alter, and ruler versions along with Mysterious Heroine X, Mysterious Heroine X Alter, and Mysterious Heroine XX exclaimed happily as their sheath returned.

"EMIYA-KUN?!" Ishtar, her rider self, and Ereshkigal exclaimed as they let the emotions of their containers taking over.

"SENPAI?!" Parvati, BB, Passionlip, and Meltlilith exclaimed after seeing their senpai again.

"ONII-CHAN!" Illya, Kuro, Sitonai, and Miyu exclaimed in joy for seeing their big brother again.

"SHEROU?!" Astraea exclaimed after seeing her crush again.

"Shirou..." Kiritsugu said, not knowing what came over him.

"Shirou? Then is this the Shirou Illya, Kuro, Sitonai, and Miyu have been talking about?" Irisviel asked.

"..." EMIYA just stayed silent after seeing this.

Shirou, Ritsuka, Mashu, and Da Vinci had to cover their ears to lower the sound damage they were receiving. As the shouting was over, the group of four removed their hands from their ears and looked at the groups of girls with looks of shock on their faces. Especially Ritsuka, Mashu, and Da Vinci since they didn't know that Shirou had a connection with everyone in the cafeteria until now.

Then came another moment of silence, and it made the tension quite thick in the air as everyone was staring at each other.

"Wow...is it me...or am I seeing multiple versions of Saber, Rin, Sakura, and Illya along with Luvia, my old man, and Archer in the same room?" Shirou thought. He then blinked once, then twice, and let out a few small breaths. After a few minutes, he said, "I-I'm back."

Then suddenly, all the Arturias, Rins, Sakuras, Illyas, Miyu, and Luvia jumped out of their seats and immediately tackled him to the ground with a hug.

"WELCOME BACK SHIROU/EMIYA-KUN/SHEROU/SENPAI/ONII-CHAN!" they all exclaimed in happiness.

Moving sightly apart, Shirou showed his joy with a contagious grimace, not knowing that a shadow was approaching him. Soon, he noticed the shadow and saw Irisviel coming forward to him.

After a small exchange of glances, Irisviel started the conversation.

"So...you're Shirou that Illya, Kuro, Sitonai, and Miyu has been talking about?" she asked.

"Y-Yes. Who are you?"

Irisviel let out a giggle before saying, "My name is Irisviel Von Einsbern! The wife of Kiritsugu, the mother of Illya, Kuro, Sitonai, and the adoptive mother of Miyu! And since you're their big brother, that makes you my adoptive son! You can call me mom if you want!" in an excited tone.

"Iri..." Kiritsugu muttered while trying to look stotic, but failed because of Iri's shenanigans and laughed a bit.

"I see..." Shirou said sheepishly, now knowing where Illya gets her personality from.

"How did you get here Shirou?" Arturia asked.

"Master summoned me here."

"And it was worth it! All of those quartz..." Fujimaru exclaimed happily.

Arturia sighed. "Anyway, welcome back my scabbard."

"Your scabbard? Don't you mean my scabbard?" Arturia Alter asked in a menacing voice while glaring at her, causing Arturia to growl at her.

"Now, now, we don't have to fight over him...right?" Arturia Lily meekly said.

"I'm sorry Lily, but Shirou's mine," Lancer Arturia said.

"As if. He's mine for the taking," Lancer Arturia Alter replied while staring at her non-altered version.

"Not if I can help it," Ruler Arturia said as she attempts to cling onto Shirou, but fails.

"Hey! Hands off him!" Archer Arturia yells.

"Shouldn't I say the same about you?" Rider Arturia Alter said.

"And what about you?" Santa Alter Arturia asked.

"That's it! No saber-face is going to steal what's mine!" Mysterious Heroine X yelled.

"That's right. After all, Shirou is mine," Mysterious Heroine X Alter said.

"Like hell I would allow that!" Mysterious Heroine XX exclaimed.

As the Arturias let go and started fighting over Shirou, Astraea tried to grasp her chance, but failed because of Ishtar getting in her way.

"Hey! Get your hands off him Astraea! He's not yours!" Ishtar yelled.

"And why not!? He's not yours either!" Astraea replied.

"Will you two please calm down?" Ershekigal said with a sigh. However, she didn't get an answer as the stand-off between Ishtar and Astraea turned into a brawl.

"Let me join in on this!" Ishtar Rider yelled as she joined in the brawl.

Meanwhile, Parvati, BB, Passionlip, and Meltlilith tried to take Shirou during the chaos, but Illya, Kuro, Sitonai, and Miyu intervened.

"We won't let you steal onii-chan away from us!" Illya, Kuro, Sitonai, and Miyu exclaimed.

"No! Senpai is mine!" Parvati, BB, Passionlip, and Meltlilith said in unison.

As a result, Chaldea's cafeteria was turned into a brawl room with groups of people fighting each other over who gets Shirou, with Shirou, Archer, Ritsuka, Mashu, Da Vinci, Irisviel, and Kiritsugu watching from the side lines.

"Wow...Mashu, should I stop them?" Ritsuka asked.

"For your safety senpai, I think not," Mashu replied.

"Unless you want to die early," Da Vinci said.

"Oh my...I never knew that my adoptive son was this popular with the girls...I want grandkids now!" Irisviel exclaimed.

"Iri..." Kiritsugu said, not wanting to argue with her.

Shirou and Archer looked at the chaos in front of them. They were just shocked at how much destruction the girls are causing now in which multiple chairs were thrown, tables were flipped, cracks on the walls were created, and some of the plates on the tables were shattered from the throwing.

Eventually, Shirou had enough of this and went in to stop the chaos in the room.

"You know, that's hell you're walking into," Archer said to Shirou as he arrived at the kitchen counter.

"I know Archer, I know," Shirou replied. Shirou then grabbed the katana and its sheath that was placed on his side, and tapped the ground with it, grabbing everyone's attention and making them stop fighting each other. "Okay then, now that I have everyone's attention, can we all stop fighting among each other? I don't want everyone here hurting each other. Please?"

As soon as Shirou said that, everyone blushed immediately from Shirou's voice and words and stopped fighting amongst each other, surprising Ritsuka, Mash, and Da Vinci.

"Did...did Shirou-san just calmed everyone down?" Mashu asked.

"I think he just did," Ritsuka replied.

"Wow. That's something you don't see every day. Is this one of Shirou's skills?" Da Vinci asked jokingly.

"What? Like that's possible," Ritsuka said with a laugh. Then Ritsuka's stomach starting growling, alerting everyone in the room.

Shirou noticed this and asked. "Master, forgive me for asking this, but are you still hungry?"

"Y-Yes..." Ritsuka muttered.

Shirou let out a smile. "You want me to make something then?"

"Yes please."

"Very well," Shirou said as he proceeded to grab some utensils and ingredients to make something.

Not wanting to miss out on this chance knowing that Shirou was about to make food, all the Arturias, Rins, Sakuras, Illyas, Miyu, and Luvia yelled out, "PLEASE MAKE SOMETHING FOR US TOO!" in unison.

Shirou let out a sigh. "All right, all right."

Moments later, Shirou was preparing multiple dishes of food not only for Ritsuka, but also for the Arturias, Rins, Sakuras, Illyas, Miyu, and Luvia. He even made food for Mashu, Da Vinci, Irisviel, and Kiritsugu to not leave them out. As soon as he was done and placed them on the countertop, everyone grabbed a plate of food and started to take a bit out of it. As soon as they took a bite, everyone displayed extreme joy on their faces. In fact, the joy was so evident on their faces that it generated a yellow and pink aura with imaginary flowers around them as well.

For a short while, peace seemed to return in Chaldea's cafeteria...until Illya asked Shirou a question that raised hell all over again.

"Hey onii-chan, have the staff at Chaldea given you a room yet?" Illya asked.

"Not yet. Why?"

"Well...just where are you going to sleep?" Illya asked.

"Well..."

Arturia then entered into the conversation and said, "Obviously he'll be sleeping in my room."

That's when the chaos returned after that one line was said.

"WHAT!? JUST HOLD ON A SECOND! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Ishtar, her rider self, and Ershekigal yelled.

"That's not fair! You can't just tell everyone that Shero's going to sleep in your room and make everyone accept it!" Astraea said.

"Yeah! If anything, shouldn't Shirou sleep in my room considering that you're also me as well?" Arturia's other versions said.

"No! That's not allowed either!" Parvati, BB, Passionlip, and Meltlilith said.

"Stay away from onii-chan!" Illya, Kuro, Sitonai, and Miyu said.

Eventually, the yelling got worse, and the girls started fighting all over again. Shirou sighed at what just happened.

"This is going to be my life in Chaldea from now on huh? Well...at least it can't get any even crazier than this...even though it's already too crazy." he thought as he watched the chaos from the kitchen.

Then, as his luck would determine it, four more servants came into the room and immediately saw Shirou on the counter with wide eyes.

And they knew Shirou as well.

"Shirou! Is dinner ready yet?" Jaguar Man asked.

"Hey kid! It's been a while! You're a heroic spirit now? Nice!" Lancer Cu exclaimed.

"Shirou-san..." Medusa said, surprised to see Shirou in Chaldea.

"FAKER!" Archer Gilgamesh yelled, clearly showing that he was not happy seeing him here.

"Damn it..." Shirou thought.

"Senpai, I think life in Chaldea will be a lot crazier with Shirou-san around," Mashu said.

"You may be right," Ritsuka said, agreeing with her. "Although now I'm wondering is how all of these servants know Shirou."

"Who knows?" Da Vinci said.

And this is how Chaldea experienced its craziest day ever...

Author's note: Honestly, I have no idea what came over me when writing this lol. Although it would be interesting to see the reactions between Muramasa and the Arturias, Rins, Sakuras, the Emiya family, and Astraea if DW WOULD MAKE MURAMASA A SERVANT!

Anyway, hope you guys enjoy this crazy mess of a fanfic I made XD.

Update: 4/12/20: Changed a few things to make the story a bit more sense and added a few more things for more hilarity.