Just a little fun fic that I thought I'd write to get back into writing! It's most definitely not perfect as it hasn't really been edited, but I kept putting off finishing/posting it so I decided just to go for it. Pretty PG apart from mild language. Set sometime towards the current day before S21, Frannie doesn't exist. Hope you enjoy!

Dragging her feet and a moody 4 year-old around CVS was not how Amanda Rollins wanted to spend her Friday night, but here she was, trawling the store with one eye looking for a box of migraine relief and another making sure Jesse wasn't taking things off the shelves as they wandered around.

Everything had been going so smoothly—for once she'd left work at 6pm on the dot, whilst it was still light outside. There was no expectation to leave after the Lieutenant, but she still felt like she had to prove her commitment to the job to Olivia.

(Even though their problems had nothing to do with Amanda's passion as an SVU detective, and more about the trust with her superior that she couldn't hold for more than a week.)

As she had left the precinct, she felt a little nauseous and a low-level pain in the middle of her forehead, much resembling to the beginnings of the stress headaches she had developed shortly after moving to New York, which occasionally become intense migraines that left her bedridden, unless she took something stronger than aspirin. It had only been a couple of days since her last one though, and since she'd had an unusually calm day, she shrugged it off with a quick swig from her water bottle.

By the time she got home, however, the dull ache had turned into an intense throb, and turning her apartment upside down in 10 minutes flat had revealed a complete absence of any painkillers. She was left with no choice but to chuck on an old university hoodie (the second she got home she was in comfy pants and a tank top) and drag Jesse a few blocks down the street.

Her little mini-me got distracted by shiny pink things a total of four times between the basket stacks and the till—firstly a pastel scrunchie (understandable), then a princess toothbrush (also understandable), thirdly a specialist toothpaste (hmm) and finally, a pack of razors ("Jesse, put that down right now sweetheart"). Once they had paid for the painkillers and the painkillers only, Amanda breathed a sigh of relief that they'd manage to survive a shop without any additional damage to her wallet—that is, until they went through the hair dye aisle on their way to the exit.

"Hey mama, look!" Jesse squealed, pointing up at a shade of pink that could only be described as bubblegum, bearing a strong resemblance to the sweets in candy machines that Amanda always used to get her hand stuck in, trying to sneak a couple home before either her mother or Kim noticed.

(Her childhood had largely consisted of creating dozens of secret sweet stashes all over their house and garden; she'd often had to relinquish her control over things to her little sister, but teeth-rotting candy rights wasn't one of them. And whilst she would take any sweets she could get her hands on, she had a penchant for gumballs and anything chewy; bonus points if they were pink, also her favourite childhood colour.)

Jesse tugged on her arm, pulling her out of memory lane. "Mama, please?"

Whilst the box said it was temporary dye, Amanda knew that getting Jesse to wash it out would be a nightmare, and that she'd be too exhausted on Sunday evening to chase a stubborn 4yo round her apartment. In the likely event of Jesse evading a shower (she refused to get her hair wet in the bath), there would almost certainly be comments made by one of the snotty Vineyard Vines-clad moms at Jesse's playgroup.

"I don't think that's a great idea at the moment, maybe in the summer sweetheart?" Amanda replied softly, twirling one of Jesse's pigtails around her finger.

"No, for you mama!"

"I…oh." Suddenly Amanda couldn't think of any excuses, other than it had better wash out before she got to the squad room on Monday morning. What harm could a little hair dye do anyway? She'd put the occasional streak of Crazy Color in her hair as a teen, and her hair had always returned to a golden blonde a week later. She rolled the box over in her hand once more, but then put it back on the shelf.

"Another day, honey…c'mon, let's get home so mama can make some dinner."

With that, she tickled Jesse under the arms, eliciting a giggle of delight, and led her out of the shop.

They hadn't even made it halfway down the street however, until Amanda felt a niggling sense of guilt appearing at the back of her mind. She tried to ignore it, mentally promising her and Jesse a more fun weekend when she didn't feel so crap, but it returned, aided by an unusually quiet Jesse.

Another few steps later, and she couldn't take it anymore, so she scooped up Jesse into her arms, ignoring the throbbing objections from her temples, and made a beeline back towards the shop. Once they got inside, she headed straight back to the hair dye aisle (ignoring the cries of "mama, pink toothbrush!") and picked up the box, paid for it, and left.

As soon as they arrived back in the apartment, Amanda plonked Jesse down in front of some cartoons (remembering to put the remote control out of reach after a recent QVS incident almost involving the purchase of a thousand dollar bouncy castle) and set about making dinner. Whilst the mince was sizzling, she knocked back a couple of pills to soothe her throbbing head, and mentally started making a list of what she needed to prepare for the Rollins girls salon adventure.

In between chopping some carrots and cooking the spaghetti, she ran between her bedroom and the bathroom, making a pile of old clothes and towels on the counter. She was still a little shocked by her own decision, but what Amanda wanted more than anything was to make her little girl smile, and if Jesse wanted her mama to have pink hair, then so be it.

(Better that than a triple figure bouncy castle, anyway.)

Dinner time went more smoothly than usual, with precisely zero carrot complaints (quite frankly, a miracle) and only one escapee spaghetti noodle. Even getting Jesse into her pyjamas was painless, and for a moment Amanda wondered about risking her job for some permanent pink hair dye, and striking up a deal with her 4 year old.

Pushing those ridiculous thoughts out of her head (if she turned up to work with pink hair, the whole squad would rip her a new one), she set about preparing herself for the makeover. She removed her college hoodie, revealing a worn NYPD t shirt (standard off-duty cop loungewear) and slipped on a pair of old grey shorts, figuring it would be easier to remove dye from skin than from fabric.

Amanda propped Jesse up on the counter, and as she began sectioning her hair, she wondered if dying her honey blonde hair was such a good idea after all. What if she never went back to this colour? What if it turned a weird vomity-orange shade?

Suddenly Jesse let out a little squeal of delight as the dye bottle she was shaking started developing into a vibrant magenta shade, and in that moment Amanda didn't give a damn what happened, as long as she could bond with Jesse. And anyway, it was only a wash-in wash-out formula, what could go so wrong that couldn't be fixed by a few showers. Live a little, she thought, when was the last time you had fun like this?

She started applying the pink gloop to her hair, cheered on by Jesse (who was far more entertained with this than she had been with any tv show), and with a slight rush of adrenaline that she hadn't felt off the job in years. With the help of her salon co-worker pointing out patches she'd missed, Amanda gradually worked her way over her scalp, until her head looked like she'd just been dipped upside down into some cake icing.

The only tricky bit of the process was the painstaking wait for the dye to work its magic — Amanda had very little patience, something that unfortunately Jesse had inherited from her. She eventually managed to pacify her daughter with an ice cream and herself with a beer, as she became increasingly anxious as the clock ticked closer to reveal time.

After what seemed like hours (it had in fact only been 20 minutes) Amanda hopped in the shower, with Jesse tucked up in bed with the promise that mama would come and show her before she went to sleep. The shower flushed crimson as she rinsed the dye out, gradually paling until it ran clear (or as close to clear as Amanda could convince herself).

Stepping out the shower, she caught a glimpse of herself in a part of the mirror that hasn't steamed up and gasped at the flash of pink she saw. It was brighter than she expected for sure, but thankfully not the neon/puke disaster she had prepared for.

She rummaged round in the drawers below the sink for her hairdryer, and then flipped her head upside down as she blasted hot air at it, aware that it had passed Jesse's bedtime a long time ago. When her locks felt dry enough, she uprighted herself, and then immediately almost fell back over.

Amanda barely recognised the reflection staring back at her. It was so bizarre seeing someone that resembled yourself in so many ways, but so different at the same time. It looked like Amanda from an alternate universe, a universe where she spent her teenage summer holidays dying her hair at sleepovers with her friends.

(Instead, she spent the majority of her teenage summer nights in a blanket fort with Kim, trying to block out the drunken slurs of her father and the weeping defeat of her mother. It was ironic that the only time her and Kim weren't fighting was when their parents were.)

Shaking these thoughts out of her mind, she allowed herself a little smile at the bumblegum princess in the mirror. Admittedly, it was fun, and didn't look too hideous after all. Hopefully, Jesse would agree.

When she slipped into Jesses bedroom, she found her sleeping softly, looking so peaceful that Amanda couldn't bring herself to disturb her. However, Jesse rolled over just as Amanda was about to leave, partially opening her sleepy eyes to squint at Amanda through the dark.

"Mama, is your hair pink?" Jesse asked, as she tried to sit up in bed but ultimately gave up and eyed her mother sideways.

Amanda crept over to the bed and flicked the switch on her fairy lamp, illuminating herself next to Jesse. Upon the reveal, Jesse's face burst into a huge smile, her little blue eyes twinkling at Amanda.

"It looks so pretty!"

Amanda planted a kiss on her forehead, whispering "thank you honey, sleep well" at Jessie, who was fighting yawns. She then turned off the light, took one last look at her girl who had already fallen back asleep, then gently pulled the door closed and left.

The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful, but Amanda felt herself truly relaxing in a way she hadn't done in years. Maybe it was because she finally felt that she was being enough for Jesse (Carisi always told her otherwise, but you could never win an argument with cripplingly low self esteem), or maybe it was just that she had let herself step outside of her comfort zone, her strict expectations of herself she'd kept up for most of her life. It felt so good to let go a little, to let herself enjoy something fully for once.

She was almost a little sad when it was suddenly Sunday evening, Jesse was tucked in bed and Amanda was standing in her bathroom, towel in hand, staring at herself in the mirror. She liked the person she had become this weekend, a little more carefree, a little happier. She hoped she'd be able to keep a little of that the next morning, when it was back to blonde doing the same old day in, day out.

The sadness was short lived, however, when Amanda stepped out of her shower only to find her hair the exact same shade as the one went into the shower with. Shit.

Within seconds she was back in the shower, straight into the icy cold water and scrubbing at her hair like there was no tomorrow (or at least, a very short-lived tomorrow, when Olivia would undoubtedly berate her). But on her exit 10 minutes later, she found to her dismay that the colour hadn't budged an inch.

Then it hit her—this wasn't wash-in was-out hairdye.

Still only wrapped in her towel, Amanda skidded into the kitchen and began desperately searching the recycling bag. Yep, there it was, in large letters across the front of the packaging: PERMANENT.

Shit. Shiiiiiit.

Olivia was going to kill her.

How could she be so stupid? Why couldn't she have at least waited until her and Jesse were on vacation, preferably out the country? Why couldn't she have actually read the instructions, instead of being the impulsive mess she—

Patter patter patter. "Mama?"

Jesse stood in the kitchen looking surprised, one hand clutching her blanket and the other ones thumb in her mouth. It took Amanda a second to realise how strange it must look to the 4 year old, her mother wearing only a towel, hair dripping wet, on her knees rummaging through a pile of rubbish.

"Hey sweetie, are you okay? Did mama wake you up?"

The little sleepy figured nodded.

"Awh, I'm sorry. Let's get you back to bed, mama also needs to go to sleep," she said, scooping Jesse up with the hand that wasn't grasped around her towel. She carried Jesse back to her room, to find that she was already asleep in her arms. She tucked her into bed, whispered goodnight (by this point Jesse was completely conked out), and tiptoed back to her bedroom.

She contemplated getting back in the shower, but she didn't want to wake Jesse again, and it was likely to be a fruitless attempt anyway. Letting out a big sigh, she slipped into some pyjamas, and resigned herself to facing the wrath of Olivia.

The next day, Amanda slunk into the office early, so that she could at least avoid making a dramatic entrance (aka a late entrance, as usual) and hopefully earn some brownie points to make up for the amount she was about to lose. When Olivia arrived, she walked past Amanda's desk without so much of a glimpse and she breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe this wasn't so bad, maybe—

"Rollins, a word?"

Amanda's heart sank; she knew a disappointed tone when she heard one, and that was the textbook definition of one. Turning round, she saw Olivia leaning on the doorframe of her office, expression completely unreadable (as per usual). Taking a deep breath, she pulled her heavy limbs off the chair, mentally preparing herself for whatever unspoken rule she'd broken now.

As soon as she got into Olivia's office, the apology-excuse-explanation came tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop it.

"Livimsosorryimessedupitwasntsupposedtobepermanentithoughtipickedupatemporarydyeandjessereallywantedmetoand—"

"Woah, Amanda, wait a second." Olivia threw her hands up in the air, overwhelmed with the panic radiating from the younger detective in front of her. "I didn't want to talk to you about your hair, which, by the way, looks cute."

"Uh," Amanda managed to squeak out in surprise. "Wait...you're not mad at me?"

Olivia laughed, looking a little shocked. "Of course not, why on Earth would I be mad?" She stepped around her desk until she was face-to-face with Amanda. "Amanda, listen," she said, more softly this time. "Accidents happen. And yours happened because you were trying to make Jesse happy, which is the best possible type of accident. It'll fade, but it'll be worth it for your little girl."

Amanda frowned. "Why did you bring me in here, then?"

"To tell you that I think you've been doing a great job recently, and I've been impressed with your dedication to finish up cases even late at night. I know paperwork is not your strong point, but I have noticed that you're putting in the hours, and I appreciate that."

"Oh."

Again, Amanda could barely get her words out, still very much taken by surprise that Olivia only had good words. (That, and the fact she'd called her hair cute, which elicited a blush that she definitely didn't conceal.)

She finally cleared her throat and met Olivia's gaze. "Uh, thanks captain, it means a lot."

And with that, she ducked out of her boss's office, wanting a quick exit before she ruined the moment. She hadn't expected a box of bubblegum pink hair dye to result in one bonding moment, let alone two, but she wasn't complaining. Hell, next time, she might try some purple dye...

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little story, please let me in the comments what you thought.