Helloooo, back with the final chapter. I so so hope you like it - i feel quite nervous about it anyway thank you so much as always for being so lovely. I'll reply to everyone i can reply to over the coming days but for those I can't, you make me smile so much. I hope i do a little bit of the same for you too. xx

The first thoughts Hailey had when she'd looked at the caller ID were that a) the lateness and Jay's not called this late before and b) would Voight even let her come back if Jay's hurt again?

Not that that would have stopped her even if he said no. Wild horses wouldn't keep her away.

She half expected it not to be Jay. Will with the awful news or maybe Vanessa. Turned out it was Jay and now she's sat up in bed, one leg underneath the other as she hears him talk.

"So, uh, I'm at your place, here to monitor Rojas." then before Hailey can articulate her concern he adds, "She's fine, bump on the back of her head so I'm keeping an eye on her."

"What happened?"

"A suspect pushed her to the ground, and she hit a lot heavier than he even expected, she is fine though."

"And you, are you okay Jay?"

He hesitates before he responds, "I am, yeah I'm good, it," there's a pause as he cuts himself off, takes a breath and then continues, "Everything ok with you? You and tall guy keeping those streets safe?"

"OA, that's what everyone calls him."

"You're everyone now, are ya?"

Hailey grins into the phone, "Jay, he's literally just my partner while I'm here, calm down, anyway did I tell you he was a Ranger too?"

"Oh yeah, Afghanistan?"

"Iraq."

Jay falls silent and Hailey's accustomed to it except it's harder over the phone, not knowing what's going on with him, whether she shouldn't have mentioned OA's military past, whether something else entirely is bothering him.

"Jay? What's up?"

He exhales, and his voice is quieter when he replies.

"I should've paid more attention, been more there for you. I should've been a better partner and if I had this wouldn't have happened. it also kinda sucks here without you."

"And if you knew everything, do you think it would make a difference? I'm still me, still not regretting the decisions I made, though I know why they're wrong and I realize it's not something I can keep doing. That still doesn't mean that given a chance I wouldn't do the same thing again tomorrow, whether or not you knew."

"Still," Jay starts.

"Still what, Jay? You're still here, you're still talking to me, and more than that, you still listen. You've probably figured out what went on both times and I know how important certain things are for you and yet you remain the person I look to every day, the one who doubts himself when you have no reason to because honestly, it's never easy but you, you're the one who makes it easier."

"Yeah?"

Jay sounds almost disbelieving. Again, he's so full of contradictions; he's the most confident person, the most reliable person, the best partner she could ever have dreamed of having and yet sometimes, he doesn't get it, he just doesn't.

"Yes, Jay."

"Need this next week and a bit to fly by, you know," he whispers like it's a confession or a secret.

"Same," Hailey whispers back.

"Anyway, It's late there, right?"

"That's okay, I couldn't sleep and even if I could, s'okay, Jay."

"I should let you go though."

Something has Hailey thinking that's the last thing he wants, it's the last thing she wants too. She could, she would talk to Jay for as long as he needed and even if she got only 2 hours sleep, she'd be okay.

He's closed off again though, like a switch flicked on or off and, it's fine, Hailey gets it. She's been there. She really gets him even if the reasoning is different.

"Okay well, sleep well Jay and tell Vanessa to listen to Doctor's and your orders too. I'll call her tomorrow."

"Please stay safe, Hailey."

"You too, Jay."

An hour after the call ended, Hailey lies in bed, still awake, analyzing every second, every word she can remember to disprove the feeling she can't shake.

Till eventually she falls asleep.

Over the following week, Jay alternates between Kev, Ruz and Kim as his partners.

Without Hailey and now Vanessa, they're depleted and so what they can do is somewhat limited. It doesn't help Jay keep distracted. It means more time in the bullpen.

More time to think. The times they leave the 21st is for low-level, for now at least, stakeouts which of course require concentration but give Jay more time again as his and Kim's energy levels drop in the quieter moments, as the conversation quiets.

More time to come to the same conclusions, the same amount of unanswered questions, the same doubts and fears.

"Wanna talk about what you've been sighing about for the last 3 hours, Jay, or not?"

He glances across to Kim and grins, "Sorry, but no, I'm good."

"Okay, but don't forget we do all talk, we are cops and we detect stuff Jay so I checked and Adam said you were huffing and puffing yesterday and Kev, the day before so even if it's not me or the guys, make sure you talk to someone okay?"

Several hours later and Jay steps into the ED at Med, his eyes searching for Will, finding him eventually, deep in concentration, pen in his hand.

Jay almost turns straight back round to leave but his feet betray him and he walks toward his brother who looks up as Jay nears him.

"Hey man, you okay?"

Jay frowns, "You got a minute?"

Will's eyes narrow and he clicks the pen he's holding, laying it down on top of the papers he was writing on and nods, "Sure."

Jay follows his older brother to a quieter area, a corridor where hardly anyone else is around, and Will turns back to face him.

"'Sup?"

"Hailey."

Will's face darkens with concern, "The hell? She's in New York, right, she okay? SHe's not hurt, is she? You need a ride to the airport or?"

Too late Jay realizes his mistake and shakes his head, "God, no man, she's fine or at least she was when I messaged her before I came to see you."

"Well, that's a relief, except if that's not the issue, what is? They keeping her there longer?"

Jay fixes Will with a look. Will returns the look and then some.

"What? Get to the point quicker Jay if you don't want me to jump to the worst and for us, most natural conclusions."

His older brother has a point, Jay concedes, in his head though because he'll be damned if he admits it. He rubs his eyes, counts to ten in his head, though at his brother's put-upon sigh, he knocks it down from ten to five and takes a deep breath,

"I may have feelings for her."

Jay shuts his eyes, thinking if he opens them, it'll be fine, he'll be back in the bullpen, none of this will have happened. Hailey will be there, it'll be 2019 again and he can do everything once more knowing what he knows now and he won't have to do this.

Will's hands on his shoulders and the patient way he says, "Come on, open them, man," show that he was wrong. His forlorn hopes were just that. He's here in 2020 still, and he just said out loud what he's not said to a single soul before now.

He opens his eyes, sees Will's smile and huffs, taking in the way Will's expression changes to slight confusion.

"Wait, it's a bad thing?"

"No, it's not, except what if she doesn't feel the same way?"

"That'll always be a risk Jay but knowing how risk averse you've been with relationships in the last couple of years I'm guessing that you have a ton of evidence to think she may feel the same?"

"Not a ton or hardly any in fact, mostly just a feeling and maybe, it doesn't matter cause this is how I feel except."

"She's not Erin."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"When you first said to me that she'd gone to New York, I could see it in your eyes, that wasn't a normal kinda 'my partner's gone to New York for a few weeks' thing, it was more except till right now I didn't do the math."

"Okay but I still don't get the connection to Erin."

"I could see the fear that history was repeating itself and now I realize I could see in your eyes you were scared that you wouldn't have the chance to say how you felt, that somehow fates would conspire and you'd wind up not just searching for a new partner again or perhaps I'm wrong."

Jay looks at the floor, shakes his head and looks back up at Will.

"You're not."

"Okay, so like I was saying she's not Erin, man, just because it happened like that before, have faith."

"I'm trying."

"So, the bit of evidence you got? What was it?"

Jay walks across to the chairs in the corridor and sinks down, shaking his head, clasping his hands together.

"The day they discharged me after the shooting, Hailey came by to take me home and just before we left she said she'd realized something that she wanted to tell me, then we got interrupted and the moment was gone and she said it didn't matter except it felt like it did, looked like it did to her too but what if it was something about being partners? What if it was nothing like this?"

Will crouches down facing Jay.

"And what if it was? What if that moment wasn't the right moment because both of you were still traumatized after you almost died and she almost lost you? What if that was it was?"

Jay shrugs, his brother has a point.

"So what's the plan? When's she back?"

"Friday. Going to pick her up from the airport."

"And tell her I hope."

Jay grimaces as he looks at Will, "Maybe, really don't want to mess it up, mess us up as partners, you know. The timing, I don't want her thinking I'm trying to save her, that it's only because she went to New York and I'm afraid of losing her."

"Well, it's part of it, right? But, I think anyone with eyes would know and Hailey has eyes, it's just that probably like you, she's been seeing it through a skewed lens thinking there's no way you could feel the same and even if you did, you got your history and she's got hers."

"Huh," Jay let's Will's words sink in before he lightly slaps his arm, "Since when did you get so good at this shit?"

"Relationship advice? Well, I'm good at it, but I rarely ever live by it."

They share a smile before Will stands up and Jay gets off the chair, the older of the brothers glancing at his watch.

"Better go back, we're getting crazy busy these past days."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, much more than usual anyway I'm happy for you man, whatever else happens at least you know now."

They exchange a hug at the end of the corridor.

"Tell me how Friday goes?"

Jay nods, "Sure thing, thank you, hope things calm down here."

Will walks away, a quick wave before the doors slide shut and Jay steps outside, a little clearer, a little more certain.

A lot more nervous.

When Jay had first suggested collecting her, she'd said there was no need to worry as her car was in the parking lot already at the airport.

Ten minutes later and he'd convinced her she'd be tired and that they could go back and collect it the next day, he'd seemed set on the idea and although it seemed on one level illogical, she'd agreed, it shouldn't take too long if they timed it well tomorrow and he was right, she was tired already so right now it definitely wasn't the most stupid idea she'd heard.

Now when it's raining hard outside as Hailey steps into the arrivals hall at O'Hare and scans the faces, looking for Jay, stifling a yawn as she does, she's glad she agreed.

If she can ever find him, that is.

It takes a few minutes till she sees him, leaning against a pillar, looking at his phone. She stops, reaches for her cell and types out a quick message.

Thanks for keeping an eye out for me, Jay. it's so clear you missed me. :/

She can hear the message tone almost immediately and she watches as his fingers tap at the phone, presumably to open her message.

She watches him mouth 'what?' before he looks up and around and sees her and she thinks he'll apologize and rush over to her and he shifts as if he's about to before he leans back, glances at his cell and taps at the screen. Seconds later, Hailey's phone makes the sound of the message alert and she holds it up to look at the screen.

I wasn't waiting for you. I was waiting for someone called Hailey Ann Upton who puts 3 x's at the end of her messages, thanks all the same xxx

She shouldn't be so endeared, and she shakes her head, looks up expecting Jay to be across from her and not in front of her as he is now, a wide smile fixed onto his face like it'll never budge.

"Welcome home," he says, pulling her into the briefest, warmest, most secure hug she's had and needed for weeks.

Then he looks her over, and she does the same to him, happy to see there's no sign of even a scratch, forgetting about herself until Jay frowns and his hand goes to touch the dressing on her forehead that meant at the final hurdle, she came out with a scratch rather than without.

"Tall guy couldn't save you then?"

Hailey rolls her eyes at him, "OA looked after me just fine, like I looked after him, he couldn't account for the overhead bin and an oversized bag hitting me on the head though when I tried to put my case there before the plane took off."

Jay winces in sympathy, "You okay?"

"I'm fine, Jay, glad to be home."

"Missed me, huh?"

"Yeah, right until the moment I remembered just how very Jay Halstead you are."

Jay's smile is full-watt, full beam. And she'd never admit quite how much to him, but man, she missed him so much.

"You think I'm bad now, wait till I tell ya that Voight wants to see you before I drive you home."

"Now?"

"Uh-huh."

She groans, "Oh man, on second thoughts, how do you fancy being a cop in New York, Jay?"

He crinkles his eyes, and shakes his head, "Not even for a second, come on, it'll be okay, I'll be around this time so he can't yell the place down."

She raises a skeptical eyebrow but walks alongside him; him reaching for her case and pulling it for her as they exit the arrivals hall.

Reunited at last.

It's early evening as they arrive at the 21st, going up the back way to the bullpen. They had said little in the car, after the lightness of their reunion at the airport, something felt off, maybe it was Hailey trying to stop the thoughts and apprehension running through her head.

Hailey settles on that thought rather than anything else as they step into the bullpen, the lights turned on but no one else about.

Except Voight.

She exchanges a glance with Jay who gives her an encouraging smile as she scans the bullpen, her eyes settling on her own desk unable to stop a half smile before she takes a step to her right and stands at the doorway of Voight's office where he's in his chair, looking up, his expression impassive.

"Sarge."

He gestures for her to step inside with one hand and she does, hearing Jay's quiet, "You got this," before she turns to shut the door.

"No, leave it open Hailey."

She breathes out slowly, a little more hopeful as she turns back round, walks over to the chair and sits down, facing Voight. Voight who watches her for what feels like forever but is more likely a minute or two at most.

"You know I don't take the decisions I make lightly. I don't choose to lose one of my finest cops even just for a few weeks unless I think it'll help Intelligence, and ultimately unless I think it'll help them."

"Sarge," Hailey cuts in, or rather tries to.

"Not done yet," he responds shaking his head, he says it warmly though and there's a hint of a smile before he continues, "I will never regret the decision I made even if it had backfired. I'd do it again, hell I'd even say the same things I said in this office those few weeks back, even if you'd gone there and stayed there. You were getting more reckless, you were going too far down a path that wasn't sustainable, the wrong habits, you understand that, right?"

She's about to respond when he moves, the air releasing from his chair as he gets up and rounds the desk to sit just to her right. Hailey tenses at the proximity, the memories of just a few weeks ago vivid, nowhere near close to fading.

"They liked you, they liked you a lot down there. Tried to convince me you needed several more weeks of reconditioning your brain or whatever bullshit it was they said, I forget. You made an impression, Upton, I knew you would," he nods, the smile more prominent now, warmer, no trace of danger.

"I'm pretty sure I know what I learned, though I guess it's only what I knew already," she sighs, shaking her head, "this last year I don't know, I tried to make things right, find a way to deal and I understand I can't do what I did again or at least not without talking to you, talking to Jay, nothing that jeopardizes us; the unit," she clarifies.

"Honestly though Sarge, even with the benefit of hindsight I don't regret a single thing. I don't regret that Darius Walker is off the streets for always, and Gael too for a while."

Voight purses his lips, a thoughtful nod.

"I understand but also that thing you said that you thought it was something I would do, never use me as an example to follow, for your sake okay?"

He waits for her to nod.

"And I guess we'll see what happens in the coming weeks, whether you have learned. Be in no doubt that you keep down that path even just for a few more steps, even though, you're every bit as much the future as Halstead is for this place, this unit and losing you would detrimentally affect us, it's a decision I won't back away from so don't make me do it. You're great police Hailey, you always have been, need you to bring that back without the other crap now, got it?"

"Loud and clear, sarge," she replies, feeling herself relax as he stands up and returns to the other side of his desk.

He gestures towards Jay who as Hailey looks behind her she can see he's making heavy work out of adding more paper to the tray underneath the printer, casting covert glances, or not so covert now, toward Voight's office.

"Sometimes I can't quite believe you guys are adept at undercover," he smirks then looks back to Hailey, "Monday, you and him, partners again, right?"

Hailey releases a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, scared that she'd have to do desk duty for a few days at least, nervous she'd partner up with one of the others even though she and Jay work the best.

"Right," she nods.

"Okay then, Monday, see you then unless we catch a case in the meantime."

Hailey stands up, "Monday," she confirms as she stands up and walks back toward the bullpen.

"Good to have you back," Voight says quietly.

Hailey pauses in the doorway, not looking back, her attention on Jay who's mouthing 'are you okay?' and grins as she responds, "It's great to be back."

Jay drives Hailey home, shooting her occasional glances. Trying to figure out how and when to start the conversation that's burning to escape from his brain and out into the open except the longer it goes on, this silence, the more doubts creep back into his mind as they get closer to her place.

What if, despite everything, despite their staying in touch, despite her clear relief when she'd told him that Voight was keeping them together, something's changed, and this is the clearest sign that they're off on the wrong foot?

Two or three times, he almost starts the conversation but then she looks at him as he exhales and each time Jay looks away, finds something to focus on in the road ahead, fingers drumming on the wheel as he drives and Jay thinks he sees Hailey frown each time.

When Jay slows the truck to a stop outside Hailey's place and turns off the engine. He thinks it'll be easier and that he'll start talking, or she'll say something.

Anything to break what's not like them at all and hasn't been for years. This uncomfortable silence aside from the windscreen wipers as they clear it of the drizzle that's scattered across it as it falls.

"Hailey, I-," Jay starts but stops himself, the time's not right, surely? Hailey just got off a flight from several weeks away, she deserves space; she deserves time and not to get hit over the head by Jay and his feelings.

Except a little voice inside him says 'isn't that how you're here now, one of you being scared of what at worst would be a no and you're both adult enough, close enough, open enough to not let it affect you long-term at least if it is a no?'

And what if it's a yes?

Jay's on the edge, like he's standing at the top of a mountain, toes curled over the edge, about to free fall.

"It's okay, Jay." Hailey's voice is gentle, her expression so damn understanding and if he's right, if he's even halfway right about those moments in the hospital then of course she'd understand. She lays her hand on his arm, nods and opens the door, jumping out as Jay hits his head against the headrest and blows out a dissatisfied breath.

What happened to the courage he's always had?

The back door opens and a waft of chilly air is probably what brings Jay to his senses, has him jumping out of the truck and rounding the vehicle, just as Hailey picks up the case and walks toward her door.

Jay reaches out for her, lightly grazing his hand against her arm, so lightly he doubts for a moment she'll stop, but she does and turns halfway.

He tries a smile, just as a thought occurs to him before he says anything else.

"Hailey, gimme your cell."

She looks confused, but she reaches into her pocket anyway and hands it over, just as Jay reaches into his inside pocket and pulls his own out, opens the passenger door and throws them onto the passenger seat.

"Okay, no interruptions at least," at her nod of recognition, at the brief flicker of a smile, he thinks 'here goes nothing'.

"Part of the problem was that it's been a long time, both since I got to know you and since, I felt anything like this."

She turns fully to face him then lowering the case to the ground, giving him the same look he thinks he gave her one day in what feels sometimes like a lifetime ago.

Encouragement. Hope, perhaps a little fear.

"I think I was so closed for so long because well you know I almost proposed to Erin. I've told no one that aside from Will then she left and then the thing with Camilla happened and we both know how that turned out," he chokes out a broken sounding laugh.

Hailey doesn't smile, just lifts her hand to his arm, just for a moment letting it rest there before she pulls it away.

"I think, no I know I resented you for the longest time even when things got easier between us. I saw you as this person who was the barrier to me going back to how I could wanted to be, closed off, feeling safe because I was closed off. You challenged that, you challenged me and yet everything seemed so straightforward for you then Booth happened and I was facing this new feeling that I look back now and realize wasn't just as a partner, that I think at that stage was still as a friend."

Jay looks away, dragging his hand across his head, feeling the rain fall harder.

"By the time you were telling me you trusted me, by the time, I was promising to follow you anywhere, all the times I got mad at you, you got mad at me and all the while my brain was trying to tell me something. it's just I figured it was that we were friends because that was such a change to the resentment I had for you and I was okay with that; even when you and Adam were a thing, and it was like someone had kicked me in the stomach, it was okay cause being friends with you Upton, it's enough."

"Same for me, Jay."

He hears Hailey, but he's shaking his head.

"Except is it? Is it enough and I don't blame you for not saying what I think you wanted to say that day in the hospital because if I read this wrong then I'll feel like crap but every time, every day I looked around and needed someone, you've been there until one day you weren't and you know I'd rather say it outright than keep saying it in my head instead. Maybe run the risk you say it's not the same for you because one day just say something happens to one of us and we wind up thinking 'why didn't I give them the chance to say it's not the same when the other could say it's all they've been waiting for."

The drizzle is more like torrential rain now. Jay scarcely notices, too certain of what he's going to say next.

"Okay, that's long speak for I love you Hailey," the words he practiced saying aloud for so long had felt so unfamiliar, almost unnatural. Here though? In front of her? It's as natural and as easy as breathing, so easy it's just crazy how long it's taken to get here.

Jay shrugs, dipping his head before he looks up, gauging her reaction, watching as she tilts her head, appraising him with a smile.

"I think that's the longest thing I've ever heard you say to me aside from when I was mad at you and you were mad at me."

"Or in the interview room?" Jay suggests.

"Likening what you just said to me to interviewing suspects, that's romantic Jay."

Jay maybe pouts a little, perhaps grins a lot.

"It's easy to say it's only recently that things got tough. Except the Hailey Upton you met never really was okay after Garrett died. It was like hanging onto a life preserver except the life preserver was old, worn, adrift from anything that represented security but it was all I held onto because I had nothing else. I couldn't trust anyone else."

Hailey brushes at a drop of rain that falls on her cheek as a wry grin appears on her face.

"Then yeah you were an asshole in the start but the one benefit to my start to life is that you get a pretty good sense of who's good; who's not, who's defensive because it's safer. You're good Jay, you're better than good, it's innate in you and you're worth it. You're the one who made me realize that I didn't need some tattered old life preserver when you got an anchor that's always there and just like you I thought that would always be the case which is crazy in this life, in this job then one day you weren't and you're right that day I almost said it but it wasn't right then."

"And now?"

"Now, then, months ago, maybe even years ago except a different kind of love then I think, yeah, I love you too Jay."

The look they exchange, just another in a long line of books they could write with just their eyes.

"So?" Jay starts.

"So," Hailey replies, "Maybe we should do the cliche thing fast so we can get out of this rain and dry by sometime next year by which time we may have progressed to our second I love you."

"Your sarcasm, that's what I love about you the most."

"Second love confession in less than 5 minutes, full of surprises J-."

Jay shakes his head, laughing before he cuts her off mid-sentence, leaning down, gently pressing his lips against hers, feeling her breathe into the kiss before they pull away from each other.

Far enough that they can see the way the other smiles, enough that Jay sees the way she no longer stands on her tiptoes like just before.

Far enough that Jay can see what could be a tear, but he suspects is simply a raindrop that he brushes away gently with his thumb.

"That cliche enough for you Upton."

She tilts her head to one side and shakes her head, "Not even close Jay, not even close."

Thank you all so much for reading - I had planned to include more reference to the current world situation, there is a thinly veiled reference in here. maybe in a future fic. xx