Another post ep for 7x18 - this will be either a two or three chapter story and I'll have it completed over the weekend, all being well. Hope you enjoy and thanks as always for being so lovely. xx

Hailey's feet somehow carry her to the front desk without her needing to think too hard.

Hardly anyone is about, only Platt and two other officers behind her.

"You've got tickets for me," Hailey says, not recognizing the tone of her own voice.

Hailey's aware enough to see the flicker of concern in Platt's eyes and she has to look away because to acknowledge the concern is to acknowledge that what happened before was real.

It'll be real enough when Platt hands her the envelope she has in her hand, never mind facing up to her emotions.

"The flight's in the morning, someone will be waiting to meet you at Laguardia."

Hailey reaches for the envelope, but at the last moment, Platt pulls her hand away.

"Only giving you these if you promise to be careful."

Despite herself, Hailey smiles, "I promise."

"Okay I trust you, so here ya go," Trudy hands over the envelope.

Hailey stares at the envelope and murmurs, "Thank you," before she turns away, walking towards the door. Away from here for a few weeks, that's all, though it feels like forever right now.

"He does this because he cares, he's just got a weird way of showing it sometimes."

Hailey stops, her head lowering as she hears Trudy's voice. Not trusting herself to look back-at the older woman, not wanting to say that those exact words were words she'd heard from her mother's mouth years ago about her father.

Not wanting to admit that for a moment upstairs in Voight's she felt like she was in another place entirely, in another time.

She settles for a nod she hopes Trudy sees, walks down the stairs, pushes the door and steps out into the cold of the night.

Hailey gently closes the door behind her. Immediately she recognizes the familiar aroma, and she pauses, closing her eyes. Somehow she can get through this, them, through this.

Vanessa's greeting is so different from normal, hesitant. She's holding a pair of oven gloves and her smile is fragile. As fragile as Hailey feels.

"I made pasta. I know it's late, but I bet you're hungry?"

Hailey returns Vanessa's smile and like magic; Vanessa brightens, looking so young again and yet old beyond her years. For a moment Hailey reconsiders telling her, not wanting to ruin this, wanting to keep the illusion that everyone's normal and nothing's changed.

"What's up, Hailey?" Vanessa asks, frowning. Too bad that Vanessa is as intuitive as Hailey.

Hailey lifts her hand to squeeze Vanessa's shoulder, tries another smile and shakes her head, "It'll wait, let's have food, it smells delicious."

Vanessa looks uncertain, and perhaps it's the worst idea Hailey's ever had as they eat the pasta in silence, all too aware of the occasional nervous glance Vanessa sends Hailey's way.

Too late, Hailey realizes what it reminds her of; a time so long ago, stony silence during family meals with her father's deliberately loud chewing and crashing the cutlery back onto the plate at the end of it being the signal for more nights spent hiding out of sight, her hands covering her ears.

She puts the fork down and without the hesitation that if she displayed it now could mean that she may struggle to even get the words out, she talks. As matter of fact as she can muster, even though it feels anything but that.

"Voight and I talked earlier, I'm going to New York for a few weeks. FBI Task Force, only for a few weeks."

Hailey believes she repeats the 'few weeks,' mostly for Vanessa's benefit except it's half-true because she needs to convince herself of that too because the alternatives?

There are none.

"This is because of me, right?" Vanessa sounds dangerously close to tears as she shakes her head, the fork still in her hand. Though her interest, her focus, is only on Hailey.

Hailey shakes her head, "No."

"It has to be though, it should be me going, not you Hailey. I messed this up so badly."

The tears run freely down her face. Hailey jumps off the stool, walks around to where Vanessa's sat and as much for her as for the younger woman, she throws an arm around her and draws her in, hearing the quiet and sharp intakes of breath as Vanessa continues to cry.

"It wasn't you, it was me. This isn't on you Vanessa, please don't think that."

They stay like that till Vanessa's breaths slow and she lifts her hand to wipe her eyes, managing a tiny smile as she glances at Hailey.

Hailey pulls her arm away and leans against the counter.

"You 'kay?"

Vanessa nods, leaning forward, fixing Hailey with a stare.

"How do you feel about this Hail? Not that I don't appreciate your concern for me, but you're the one going to a new place, without us, without Jay."

The way she emphasizes her last two words has Hailey raising her eyebrows and shaking her head.

"New York isn't another country, and it isn't permanent, it's not, it's absolutely not."

"You sound like you're trying to convince yourself, not me."

"No, that's not it."

"Was it negotiable?"

"You've met Hank Voight, right?"

"Ok, enough said," Vanessa responds as her face creases with concern, "Was it bad?"

"I've had worse, much worse."

Rojas gets it and her sympathetic nod and quiet acceptance of Hailey's need, whether she expressed it to leave it at that or not, is something Hailey's both grateful for and sad that she understands.

"What I need from you is to keep this place going, water these plants, tell me you're okay and about your day, stay safe and keep everyone else safe."

Vanessa nods, "You know I will and I need that from you too, not only me, I speak for everyone. Voight included," with a grin she adds, "Jay too."

"OKAY Rojas, I got the message," Hailey stands up straighter and pulls Vanessa in for another hug, more for her this time, "I'm going to go pack."

They pull apart and Hailey casts an eye around the kitchen, committing everything to memory, this sense of home and the security it provides.

"You told him yet?"

It's telling, or perhaps it's predictable that Vanessa doesn't have to clarify who the 'him' is.

Hailey sighs, "Kinda figuring out how to, I will though whether it's a call or a text."

"A bit of friendly advice Hailey, don't text him, even if he accepts it you'll regret it."

Something else to add to the list of regrets, Hailey thinks before she nods and squeezes Vanessa's hand as she walks toward the stairs.

She's nearly at the stairs by the bannisters before she turns back, takes a step to the side and watches Vanessa as she places the plates and cutlery into the dishwasher and wipes down the counter.

"Rojas?"

Vanessa stops and looks her way, "Yeah?"

"I'm your people, or at least I can be if you want me to be."

Vanessa's eyes lower and Hailey thinks her bottom lip trembles before she raises her eyes and there's a flicker of a smile before it's replaced with one that's so bright and an accompanying nod.

"I would love that."

"It's done," Hailey replies simply before she walks up the stairs to pack for something that a few short hours ago would have seemed so unlikely.

There are blue skies for Jay's early morning run, it's still cold, with every breath out there's a cloud of condensation. It's perfect running conditions. It's quiet too for once, it's stress relieving. It's what he needs after the past few days.

He's looking at his watch intently, stopping it and looking at the split times with such concentration that he nearly misses that she's there.

"Jay."

He's automatically smiling as he jerks his attention away from his watch and toward the voice and sees her, leaning against her car, a smile on her face but something about her which has him realizing even without hearing the reason for her being here that there's nothing about this that's normal.

"Well, this is new," He tries with a smile, hoping he's wrong while knowing he's not.

"Uh-huh," she replies.

Jay looks past her and into the car where he can see a suitcase in the back.

"Going someplace?"

Hailey looks like she wants to say something and she opens her mouth, but instead, she looks down at her feet.

"You could come up, make you a coffee?"

She shakes her head, "I can't be late and I'm sort of wishing I'd called instead."

"Late for what?" Jay asks, certain now that he won't like her reply.

"New York Jay, I'm going to New York, they needed a loan-out officer. I'm that loan-out officer."

"What? Why?"

"I did stupid reckless things, feels like that's all I've been doing lately."

Jay takes a step nearer to Hailey, "This about Darius Walker or?"

Hailey's laugh is hollow, and she looks away, her fingers fidgeting with the zip on her jacket.

"That's not the half of it, Jay and now isn't the right time."

"I think perhaps there'll never be a right time but I won't push, I won't pry except what made you choose to go there now?"

"It's not a choice Jay."

The way Hailey says it is all Jay needs to get it, no need for her to spell it out and he nods. Inside him immediately are emotions warring for his attention, he does his best to quiet them because Hailey right now needs him calm, needs him accepting and he needs it too.

"How long?"

"Few weeks."

"Just when we get back together as partners, sometimes it feels like the universe is telling us something."

"The universe isn't always right Jay."

Jay looks away, his trainers scuffing the ground, attention focused beyond the roof of Hailey's car, a million and one words coming to mind, none of them feeling right. Fear and anger, they're the principal emotions right now. Fear of saying the wrong thing, fear of something changing that means this goes how it went with Eri which is odd to say, because it was different with her. There was love, and of course, he loves Hailey. He does, how could he not? But it's different.

Isn't it?

Fine time for all those thoughts he's buried for so long to come back to the surface, so he pushes them back down and thinks of the anger. The anger which has a different target, so he contains it. He looks back to Hailey and smiles, taking another step nearer, his hand reaching out to rest on her shoulder.

"It'll be fine, we'll keep in touch right?" At her nod, he continues, "And if you need to talk, if you want to talk, any time day or night I'll answer."

"Got it," Hailey replies, her eyes fixed on Jay's arm, the hand that's resting on her shoulder squeezing it, providing comfort and strength, "You take care of yourself please, don't get shot and if the moment comes that, you're finally ready to admit how badly things have affected you, it'll be like I'm here but on the other end of the line any time."

"Yes ma'am," they both grin but Jay's expression darkens, "Who'll take care of you, watch your back?"

"Me, Jay, I'll watch my back and they will too."

Jay huffs and shakes his head, "I hate this, I never imagined this would be what would separate us, you need anything, someone to watch your back, you tell me, just say please?"

"Copy that," Hailey smiles before she looks at her watch, "Time to go."

It's instinctive when Jay pulls her in, enveloping her into the hug, his arms wrapping around her as he breathes in everything about this moment, long enough that he feels her arms tighten around his chest, feels the certainty that she needs this as much as he does.

Until he lowers his arms and feels her pull away.

"Go get 'em, 'kay? Show everyone how amazing you are, solve cases in record time and come back sooner."

The 'to me' goes unsaid. He wonders if she has any idea that's what he means.

Hailey salutes him and he laughs even as he steps back as she opens the car door and goes to get in, but stops and fixes Jay with a stare.

"I'm coming back, Jay. Even if New York is invigorating, exciting, challenging, we didn't waste these past years just for me to throw it away," with a mischievous grin she adds as she sits in the driver's seat, "I didn't train you up to learn it was okay to have feelings and show the person you are, to recognize all that goodness inside of you, to let someone else get the benefit of it."

"Okay, Upton, out of here NOW." Jay responds, his cheeks reddening despite his attempt at deflection and the way he shuts the car door and rests one of his hands on the roof, looking down at Hailey who's rolled the window down, the other finding warmth in the pocket of his hoodie.

"See you soon, Jay."

"Counting on it, partner," Jay pats the roof of the car as Hailey starts it and raises one hand to wave as Jay steps back, returning the wave watching as she pulls away till she's out of sight.

Only then does he allow the fear, the emotions of the goodbye and the fear that she won't come back because New York and Jay and people he cares for don't have the best track record, to give way to quiet, controlled anger.

The bullpen is empty as Jay arrives. It's still early, and he's thankful that no one's here. No one else, that is.

Jay doesn't stop to take off his jacket, he doesn't even knock on the door. He's not rehearsed what to say.

"This was low, even for you, it was low."

Voight doesn't react at all, he doesn't shift in his seat, he just watches Jay, allows Jay to continue.

"I just don't get why you allow me to make mistakes and you didn't send me to New York. Everyone there in that bullpen who takes a seat today, we've all made mistakes and you've still not sent us to another city without backup. I don't get it, I don't understand why you think it's okay to play god with us, why you think you know better than all of us. Hailey and me, we're good right otherwise you wouldn't have put us back together so why do this? Why now?"

Jay sits down heavily, his hands pressed against the back of his head then dragging across his chin, shaking his head before he looks up and stares at Voight.

Voight who's expressionless, giving no sign of having heard Jay till there's a quiet release of air as he shifts position on his chair and leans forward, hands clasped together.

"You done?"

Jay doesn't reply, just maintains the stare and Voight sighs, leaning back in his chair.

"In 5 years time I see me in retirement if I'm not dead before then, I see you leading this unit, just like I always said you would and I see largely the same group of people out there waiting for you to show them the way each day, top of that list I see Upton but only if she stops pressing self-destruct."

"Never stopped you," Jay snaps back.

"And look where that got me, look where I am, Jay. My kid is dead, so is my best friend. Erin's in another city, hell Antonio's in a different country and this job is changing, this unit is changing and she needs to realize that the way she's done things recently has to change."

Voight stands up, rounding his desk, sitting on the edge, closer to Jay, "What she's done, listen I don't want her to become a version of me and she won't because she's still Hailey Upton and she's great police, she is but she's reckless police right now too and I need her to realize it can't continue."

"By sending her away like she's the worst police? Come on, Hank." Jay protests.

"She's not the best police right now Jay, she's not the worst either, far from it but she's in danger of being a liability too if she doesn't stop it soon. Emotions are fine, important even and she's always had those emotions, but in the past it was her head that kept that in control, kept you in check too Jay. I don't see it right now or not always, and she's as much as the future of this place as you. But that could change, and that's why I sent her."

Jay shakes his head, rubbing at the back of his head.

"Why not let me help? See if we could make it work."

"That'll come but it'll be more a case of how it's always been for you two, you balance each other out, two sides of the same coin."

"What if this, what if this shock tactic doesn't work, what if it backfires?"

"We'll have another space open in intelligence."

"And if she gets hurt or worse?"

"She won't."

Jay raises a skeptical eyebrow, "Oh man, I hope you're right, not just about that, all of this."

"So do I, Jay, so do I."

Jay stands up then, looking toward the bullpen, his gaze resting on Hailey's desk.

"What do we do for now? I don't have a partner."

"Rojas mostly, Burgess too, we'll rotate."

Jay doesn't look at Voight as he walks away, just nods absently, thinks he hears Voight go to speak but he's done hearing him as he sinks into his chair, jacket still on, staring over his computer and at Hailey's desk.

On one level he gets what Voight's done, as a cop with a mind into the future, he sees it. He recognizes all that Voight's said, Jay's own concerns about Hailey that he'd expressed to her himself, it's not like it's a giant surprise.

It's just that Jay envisaged always he'd be the one who'd carry her through it, back her up and now he can't.

He's almost tempted to book a flight, follow her just like he'd promised, instead, he stands up, takes his jacket off, goes to throw it on the back of his chair but after a moment of hesitation, he walks around to Hailey's desk, places his jacket on the back of her chair instead, leans down and picks up the stapler that has her initials on it, walks back around to his chair and sits back down, staring down at the stapler.

He reaches for his cell from his jacket, unlocks the screen and types out a quick message.

Safe flight, taken ownership of your stapler and the back of your chair while you're gone, they'll be safe, make sure you stay safe too x

He backspaces and deletes the 'x' then retypes it several times before he leaves it and presses send and puts the phone back on his desk, reaching for his mug to go get a drink but then his phone vibrates and he put the mug back down, picks up the phone and unlocks it, grinning at the response, definitely doesn't go back to it multiple times that day when he feels her absence already so keenly.

Thanks Jay. You just gave me an idea for the present I bring back for you from New York, hear they do the best staplers, take care too otherwise I'll be mad x

Jay wonders how two tiny, simple actions and one simple text make him feel less adrift from her.

Realizes that it's probably not such a normal reaction to 'just your partner' leaving just for a few weeks and that perhaps this affords him time to breathe, time to think.

Or not.