a.n. So this is based on a prompt from the Harmony & Co prompt blog. "Married at first sight AU." It's one I've wanted to do for a long time, and now I'm doing it. This is completely AU. No magic either. Also, I've not seen the show this is based on, so the version in this story is completely from my own mind. Finally, this is OOC. Hermione isn't this impulsive, but we'll go with it anyways.

Thank you to autumnmariefifa who did the wonderful artwork for this story. Thanks to StruggleMuggle for looking this over.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I'm broke, can't afford it.

-:::-

Hermione couldn't believe she was doing this. It wasn't something she would normally do. Hell, it wasn't something anyone would normally do! How she had let Ginny talk her into it, she wasn't sure. But here she was, sitting in a small room, letting a stranger do her hair while she waited to be on a TV show where she would be married to some strange man! What the hell had she been thinking?

Oh, right. She hadn't been thinking. She'd been heartbroken over Nick's betrayal and had been moping through life for months, hoping that her love would come back to her. But that was dumb, and she knew it, and she was doing fine! But Ginny had told her that she needed to live some and do something spontaneous.

The TV show wasn't something that Hermione had ever even heard of before Ginny had signed her up. Married at First Sight was a hit, and everyone loved it. Hermione had watched several episodes after Ginny had forced her to send in her application. It was...an interesting show. Not something that she would really ever watch on her own, but not terrible. Definitely not anything she really wanted to be on herself. Frankly, she was much more of a Jeopardy! person.

But, when she had been accepted, Ginny had nagged and nagged until Hermione had agreed. Now, she was just a half-hour away from being on TV for the first time and marrying someone she had never met. Now she was contracted to be on the show for months, with cameras following them around everywhere! Even if she was compatible with the man she was paired with, how would they build any type of normal relationship with that kind of pressure?

Hermione wasn't sure. Well, that was untrue. She was positive that this was going to be a complete waste of time. All she'd have at the end of this was a hefty bill for a divorce she shouldn't have ever had. Christ, what was she doing here?

"You're going to do great, love," the hairstylist, Jeanne, said. "You're gorgeous and well-read. You'll do just fine."

"I'm not sure…" Hermione said. "I don't really look forward to having cameras follow me around for the next six months."

"It's not that bad. The cameras are hidden pretty well. It's not as if cameramen are going to be following you to the loo every day," Jeanne said with a laugh. "The ones who are successful at this just ignore the cameras as much as possible. The best advice I can give is to focus on getting to know your new husband. The ones that work put effort into the relationship and that means talking."

Hermione nodded. "That sounds like good advice. Hopefully, my future husband will be someone I can talk to."

"I'm sure he will be. They do a fairly good job of matching people up. I mean the failure rate is high, but that's more because most couples don't put in the work and just jump right into the more physical aspects of marriage, thinking that they'll get more screen time. Those are the ones who are only doing this for attention. I don't think that applies to you, dear."

"No, no I don't even really want to be here. My best friend made me apply."

"Well then, just keep what I said in mind and you'll do great!" Jeanne said with a slight laugh. "Now, your hair is all set. It's gorgeous. Marcus did a great job on your makeup, not that he needed to do much. I'll tell you, your new husband is a lucky man!"

With that Jeanne wished Hermione luck and exited the dressing room, leaving the soon-to-be-married Hermione behind, deep in thought.

-:::-

The show was simple. The producers asked several questions after an application was accepted, and then they paired up a man and a woman who were good matches on paper. They did, often, put an emphasis on how good the couple would do for their show – they were in the money-making business after all – but mostly they did try to do a good job.

Once the match was made, the show would begin taping. The couple would meet for the first time at their wedding altar. Their vows would take place right there in episode one, with the fading credits being the pair signing their binding marriage certificate for authenticity. Before the wedding, the audience would learn more about the couple. Namely, they'd learn their professions, what they were looking for in a marriage, and a little bit about their personality.

After the vows, the couple would be given their own flat where they would be expected to live for six months. Each couple had to agree to stay married for at least six months. Once that time was over, the show's season was over, and the couple could carry on as they wished. The flat itself was decked out with hidden cameras in all public areas – everywhere but the bedroom and bathroom. Once a week, the couple would be interviewed about their experiences with their marriage. These clips would be played interspersed with events from within their flat.

Most couples divorced after a year or less, but there had been success stories, and that kept the audience coming back. The audience loved the successes almost as much as the spectacular failures.

Now it was time for the ninth season of Married at First Sight.

-:::-

Hermione ran her fingers down her font, intrigued by how the lace felt under her fingertips. She'd never worn a wedding dress before. She was surprised by how uncomfortable the damn dress was. It felt like she was wearing something that had the life starched right out of it. There was no movement in it. She didn't know if all dresses were like this or if it was just the one that had been selected for her.

It was pretty, though. The dress hugged her curves in just the right way without being crass, and it flared out around her hips flowing around her legs. The bare shoulders were an interesting choice, not something she would normally select, but she did look fantastic. The little bit of makeup they'd added and the great work they'd done with her hair made her look good enough to go on TV.

That thought made her hate the dress a little, but she pushed that aside. She was just moments away from walking down the aisle. The producers and director had already put her in the proper place, and the cameras were all pointed at her – though she knew that there were more cameras in the 'church' where her marriage was to take place, presumably pointed at the man she was about to marry.

"Okay, folks, let's get these two hitched!" The Director called out. "Remember, Ms. Granger, you just act natural, and start down the aisle when the music starts to play."

Hermione squeezed her father's arm nervously. Her parents had not been happy about the way she was going about this, but eventually, they had agreed to take part.

"You ready for this, sweetheart?" Her dad asked.

"No."

"Still time to back out, you know?"

"Not with a contract in place, dad. It's much too late. Besides, if I stop this now, all this will have been for nothing. And Ginny would kill me. She was so excited when I saw her this morning."

Her dad just grunted.

"I know this is all dumb, but maybe it'll be okay." Hermione didn't know who she was fooling.

"We'll see, Hermione. Just know your mom and I will be there for you no matter what."

"Thanks, daddy," Hermione said with a sniffle.

"Alright, folks. In 3…" the Director shouted.

Hermione gulped and tried to stuff down the need to flee for her life.

"2…"

This was a terrible mistake. Her parents were right. She was being reckless.

"1…"

God, she was going to be sick.

"Action!"

Hermione closed her eyes for a second before her father squeezed her hand. He didn't say anything, but he did make it feel better. She looked up at him and gave him a small smile, which he returned. Then the music started to play and she started walking. The music was traditional, but that was okay. She wasn't really paying attention. Instead, all she could see were cameras and people sitting in the fake pews. Her mother was there sitting in the front row. Ginny and Luna were already standing up near the altar, having finagled their way into being Hermione's bridesmaids. She saw an older man with a Van Dyke beard along with a haggard-looking man with blonde hair sitting on the other side of the aisle.

And then there was the man standing at the head of the aisle in front of the alter altar. Hermione looked at him last.

His hair was a messy black and looked like it might have never seen a comb. It suited him, though, if she could judge from a distance. He was very fit. The tux he was wearing clung to him and made his shoulders look miles wide and made his slim waist stand out. Then there were his eyes. Hermione could have sworn that she had never seen eyes so green. As she and her father walked closer, those eyes became more and more intense.

Her last thought before her father handed her off to her groom – whose name she still didn't know – was: Well, at least if I had to marry a stranger, at least he's hot.

-:::-

Harry Potter was going to kill his godfather. Sirius Black was a prankster extraordinaire. He was also a huge pain in the arse. Harry loved the man who had raised him, but that didn't mean that Harry approved of the constant pranks that he had been subject to throughout the years.

At 25 years old, Harry felt that he should have been used to it. After all, Harry had been on the receiving end of Sirius' pranks since he was just a toddler. But that thought was before Sirius had signed him up for this stupid TV show. How the man had done it without actually getting Harry to apply for himself was beyond comprehension, and neither Sirius nor Remus were talking about how they had done it.

Needless to say, by the time Harry had found out about the whole thing, it was too late. He had been accepted. When he had tried to back out before the contract was signed, Sirius had called him a coward and bet that he would never be brave enough to go through with it.

Harry, being who he was, was not about to put up with Sirius' attempts at besmirching his honor, so he had signed the damn contract. And now, here he was. Moments away from marrying some total stranger.

He'd had his hair done – not that the hair artist had been able to do anything other than make it look like a stylish mess – and had makeup put on his face. He'd talked a bit with his godfather and Remus, mostly glaring at them for getting him into this in the first place, and then he had stood on the x where the Director had told him to stand.

It had all happened so fast, and Harry was afraid that he was never going to catch up.

Just four months ago, he was happily shagging Tonks every single day. They'd never really made their relationship official, but they enjoyed each other's company. But then she had met some guy and she'd dumped Harry so fast he'd received whiplash. It had hurt a bit. They'd been 'together' for two years, and Harry had thought that maybe someday they would make it official. Then it was over and Harry had moped around.

He had moped right up to the point where Sirius had signed him up for this idiotic TV show. Then he'd gotten angry. Then insulted. And then he'd signed the contract because reverse psychology had always worked on him, no matter how hard he tried to avoid such situations.

Harry shuffled his feet as he waited for the Director to start the cameras. This was a mistake. He knew it. There was no way in hell that he'd still be married to this girl in seven months. All he'd get out of this was a divorce and probably a broken heart. Goodness knows he always got too attached to the women he dated – Tonks being the latest example.

"Buck up, Harry," Draco, his best man, said. "You'll get this done and you'll be able to get back at Padfoot and Moony. Maybe your new spouse will help you in your revenge."

"Shut up, Malfoy. Why am I even friends with you?" Harry asked, knowing the answer.

"Oh, I don't know? Maybe because we've known each other since we were in nappies? I'm pretty sure my mum still shows that picture of us in the tub together when we were three to every girl who comes to visit."

Harry groaned. "She showed Tonks too. I hate her so much."

Draco laughed. "Yeah me too. Seriously, though, you'll be fine. It might be fun, who knows? If it's not, get an annulment in six months and move on. By then maybe Tonks will be sick of her new boy toy and you can go back to working her over as often as possible."

"Yeah, that's not going to happen," Harry said. He was about to say more when the Director called them to action and the bridal march started to play.

The normal way for the bridesmaids to enter wasn't used here. Harry thought that it had something to do with the cameras wanting to put all the attention on the bride and groom. Instead, a young redhead and a pretty blond were standing on the opposite side of the steps.

It wasn't long before a young woman appeared through the archway at the end of the 'church' on the arm of an older man. Harry, not one usually to be captured by someone's looks right off the bat, couldn't take his eyes off from the woman in the pretty wedding dress.

Her brown hair was done up in a frilly bun, with just a few curly strands left loose to frame her face. The veil she wore didn't hide her beauty away at all. Her face was perfect, but her eyes were what caught him. Dark, stormy, chocolatey brown eyes stared at him like they knew his every secret. He couldn't take his eyes away, nor did he want to.

When the young woman and her father reached the end of the Aisle, Harry reached his hand out and grasped hers. He gasped when a shock of electricity passed through them. The woman noticed it too if her wide eyes were anything to go by.

"May I introduce you?" The magistrate asked.

Harry didn't say anything, but the woman nodded. They were still staring at each other. Harry was enthralled.

"Lord Harry James Potter, Earl of Gryffindor, please meet, Hermione Jean Granger."

Hermione. That was such a cool name, Harry thought. Hermione's eyes had widened even more when the magistrate had given out Harry's title. Harry grimaced a bit, already hating that he had let them use his title.

"We gather here today to witness the joining of this couple…" The magistrate started, but Harry wasn't listening. He was still staring at the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He would have to thank Sirius later for such a wonderful prank.

-:::-

a.n.2. We're just going to have to pretend that the Earldom of Gryffindor is real. I thought about using an extinct earldom that actually once existed, but decided against it. Also for artistic license, we'll pretend that an Earl would be allowed to get married on a TV show. It's fiction, deal with it.

Until next time.