Four Days

It had been four days. Four days and his life was unrecognizable. He was unrecognizable. It was as if someone took the timeline of his life and put a harsh, red line between his life before and his life after. No other milestones, no other important events, nothing other than the dividing line between Kyo Sohma before and Kyo Sohma now.

It was June and the air was sweltering. The cicadas created a constant white noise around him. His shirt clung to his chest because of the humidity. The sun was oppressively bright. How had he not noticed these things before? Four days ago it was just as hot, just as loud, just as humid, just as bright and he was apathetic to it. He wore an invisible mask that prevented him from ever caring about what was around him. It didn't matter to him. Nothing mattered to him except for obtaining the unobtainable. He was so hyperfocused on his goal that, as far as he was concerned, nothing else existed. He was so hyperfocused on getting to her, that the world was greyscale. Everything around him was dull, muted, and unimportant; she was the only thing in color.

Tohru. All he wanted, all he would ever want, was her. He couldn't do anything else but think about her, crave the sound of her voice and the smile on her face. He'd have done anything to see her, to be near her, to talk to her, to touch her.

Seeing her, in the hospital garden, for the first time in what felt like years, he knew nothing else mattered. She was the most precious, vital person in his life. It didn't matter that she ran away from him, he would catch her. It didn't matter that she was heartbroken by him, he would fix it. It didn't even matter that he couldn't hold her in his arms, he would figure out a way to be close to her. Nothing else mattered but Tohru.

Hearing her say she loved him, the second time, the time when it really mattered, kissing her the second time, the time that she actually remembered, holding her hand, seeing her face, her sweet voice, he wanted to burn all of that into his memory. He could never forget it. It was the most perfect moment in his entire life.

And then she hugged him and he held her as close as he possible could, maybe even uncomfortably so, and inhaled her smell, felt the hairs on the top of her head tickle under his chin, the feeling of her arms, her chest, her back, her everything, in his arms, just for him. Closing his eyes, he tried to quickly catalog every sensation, saving it in his mind, before he would be reduced to a cat. Albeit, a cat who he knew Tohru loved, but who he really didn't want to be in that moment. He squeezed her tight, vowing to remember exactly as he felt in that moment because that moment was all that mattered.

The following minute, though, was competing for first place in his mind, more so than hearing her say she loved him or kissing her or holding her, because as his eyes sprang open and he realized that he was still human, everything around him melted into color. A shade had been lifted off of his eyes, the tension he'd always seemed to carry melted away, and the rest of his senses were heightened, seemingly finally tuning in to everything around him. He took a step back, even though his body was screaming to be near her, because he needed to absorb it all. He didn't immediately understand what was happening to him. And Tohru looked on, already weeping, as he reached down to the handcuff he'd worn since the day he was born and tore it from his wrist, finally freeing himself of the weight he'd been carrying all his life. He couldn't help but weep, even though Tohru had already completely devolved into openly sobbing.

In the days that followed, one thing had made itself abundantly clear: he didn't just want to be near her, he needed it. He craved it. In such a short time, he became completely addicted to touching her, holding her, kissing her, even just being in the same room with her. If he thought he'd had it bad before, it couldn't have been worse than this. Each time either of them were pulled in another direction, whether it be because one of his damn family members wanted to see her, or because he'd told Kazuma he'd stop by, or because she had to do something, or because they actually had to finish their classes at school, he internally screamed in protest. All he wanted to do was be near her.

They spent every possible second they could together. They were still a bit awkward, unsure quite how to interact with one another given the change. He very much wanted to be respectful, and Kazuma had even lectured him on that very notion. "Your hormones are going to be even worse now, Kyo," Kazuma mentioned, pulling him aside briefly as Tohru visited with Rin. Kyo could feel his face blushing deep crimson. He was desperate to immediately stop this conversation, but Kazuma was determined. "I think we should talk about the implications of entering a sexual rela—" Kyo clapped his hand over his father's mouth. "Do not," Kyo insisted. "Do not ruin this day with your talking." Kazuma, thankfully, let it go for the time being, but not before imploring Kyo to "just be respectful."

As if Kyo didn't already know that. He was so hesitant at first to do anything that could possibly push her away. But quickly, over the course of four days, they'd figured some things out. On the walk home from Kazuma's that first day, Tohru slipped her soft, delicate hand into his large, calloused one. Kyo, unintentionally, flinched when she grabbed him and she jumped back, profusely apologizing. Kyo also, much louder, began profusely apologizing and the two began to attract attention from passerby. He grabbed her hand again and they walked home, hand in hand, the rest of the way and anywhere else they walked since.

Reaching out to touch her or hold her was an instinct he'd always fought, but now that it was an option, he wanted to be sure it wasn't something she was going to resist. When they were in the kitchen together, cooking dinner on her second night home, he slid past her to get something out of the refrigerator, gently scooting her aside with a hand by her waist. Upon remembering, with his hand on her waist, that he could actually put his arms around her waist, he pulled her body close to his. She clearly wasn't expecting it, because she yelped and dropped the spatula she'd been holding and, much to the chagrin of Shigure, who was home, they ended up in a shouting apology match again. After that debacle, they'd both been better at just automatically reaching out to one another, remembering that it was now an option, and they didn't have anything to actually apologize for.

On the fourth day, they'd been busy at alternating times. They both went to school and Tohru walked him to Kazuma's after, but then she had to attend a follow-up doctor's appointment. She was done before he was, so she went home to make dinner. Kyo called from Kazuma's, saying he would be staying for dinner (unfortunately so Kazuma could finish his conversation) and it was just Shigure and Tohru for dinner that night, making idle chatter.

Kyo suffered his way through dinner with Kazuma. Kunimitsu cooked and then joined the two of them, contributing to the conversation with his own, unwarranted input. Kyo said nothing, knowing he had missed out on this conversation when he was younger, as so much of his youth was focused on not touching girls. And the second Kazuma finally finished explaining everything to him and even, embarrassingly, presented him with a small pack of condoms, Kyo stood up from the table, thanked him for dinner, and ran as fast as he out of the door.

It was quiet downstairs when he returned. He saw the light on in Shigure's office, but slipped off his shoes and walked right past. Looking into the kitchen, the lights were off and everything was clean and put away. He climbed the stairs, briefly down the hall to see if there was any light coming in from Tohru's or the rat's door, but nothing. Yuki was gone most evenings now and where he went, Kyo didn't really know or care, but he wasn't exactly sure where Tohru was.

He haphazardly hid the condoms in the back of his closet. He'd briefly thought, on his way home, about throwing them away, but decided against it. He felt like a dirty old man for even considering the possibility and yet…he seriously hoped it was a possibility. Kazuma had briefly mentioned something to him at dinner about moving away with Tohru to help teach at a dojo somewhere along the coast and, while Kyo again was only half-listening, he'd figured if they were going to move away together…well…

He was disappointed Tohru wasn't home, but couldn't blame her. Everyone around her wanted to spend time with her recently. The Yankee and wave girl had probably taken her out to go do something. He sulked his way into the shower, disappointed he couldn't spend even a little bit of the evening with her.

As he showered, he thought about Kazuma's offer. He didn't have all of the details, but he'd been thinking a lot about what to do after graduation. He was certainly not the university type and he didn't think Tohru was either, given how much she'd talked about working after high school. The place Kazuma had talked with him about was somewhere he'd only been once and it was far. Nearly five hours at the very south end of the country. It was on the coast, which he was sure Tohru would probably love, but how could he possibly think about pulling her away from everyone here.

The man who owned the dojo was a great friend of Kazuma's. Kyo was certain that the two men had conspired long before even the thought of the curse being broken a Kazuma certainly held out hope for Kyo to have a future. And Kyo couldn't help but want to go. He had spent the last 18 years of his life anticipating only living 18 years of his life in the outside world. He'd kept his world small, guarded, and tried to have as few relationships as possible, but that wasn't a requirement of him anymore. Now, he could go anywhere and do anything and he wanted to. He wanted to have new life experiences, he wanted to be pushed out of his comfort zone, he wanted to leave this city and the Sohma main house, and he wanted to bring Tohru with him.

It was selfish. He was selfish. Toweling off, his mind coursed with anxiety. On the one hand, he wanted to be selfish and go out and live a different life, and on the other hand he couldn't imagine pulling Tohru away from everyone she loved. And what if it didn't work out? Say they did go and made no money and had nowhere to live? It wasn't like staying here, where if they needed something they could throw a rock and hit a Sohma who could help them. They would truly be on their own. What if they moved away and were absolutely miserable together? Kyo gritted his teeth, unable to invite that possibility in.

Kyo exited the bathroom, making sure his towel was folded so she wouldn't have to come re-fold it, and his dōgi was hung up in his wardrobe. The light under her door was still off and, downstairs, the house was still dark. He crept past Shigure's office once more and around the side of the house so he could climb up to the roof.

There she was. Tohru. She was sitting on the roof in the light of the full moon, bent over a book. He recognized the title as the third year mathematics textbook. She was so engrossed she didn't even glance his way when he'd poked his head up. The took the moment to admire her. She was so adorable when she tried to study. He'd found her several times, bent over her textbooks after getting home from work at night, desperate to get her work done even though she was exhausted. She tried so hard in school and she had a knack for certain things. She had an impeccable memory, which made up for his absolute shit one. She could remember dates, formulas, elements in the periodic table. It was the second anyone asked her to actually apply what she'd memorized, she drained of all color.

For the past three years, mostly rat boy helped her study for school. Kyo helped occasionally, when Yuki wasn't home, but she'd never actually asked him. He couldn't deny Yuki was the better student, though Kyo didn't mind studying and doing homework.

He knew she was overwhelmed by the final exams she'd missed while she was in the hospital. She had the make-ups coming up and, even though she purportedly studied while she was in the hospital, he knew with everyone visiting her, it made it hard to get really anything done. She wasn't the type to ask for peace and quiet in order to study, but she held so much accountability in her grades. She wanted so desperately to do well and graduate, so the make-up exams were no exception. He knew that their teacher, Mayuko Shiraki, wouldn't fail her, even if she missed every question on the exam, given the circumstance, but even if he told Tohru that, she wouldn't believe him and still claim she would try her best to get every question right with the blind resolve she always had.

It was still rather hot, despite the sun having gone down, and Kyo saw little beads of sweat on Tohru's forehead, no doubt a mix of the heat and the intense studying had her sweating. She had her hair pulled off her face and she was wearing white, cotton pajamas. She looked irresistible, the moonlight reflecting off her pale legs, her hair pulled back revealing her long, slender neck. The pajamas, too, were so cute. He'd rarely seen her in pajamas, she was always so modest and changed before exiting her room. Occasionally, he'd run into her darting from her room to the bathroom and back before bed and he could catch a glimpse of her. This outfit, in particular, featured a frilly button-down shirt and matching white shorts. He stared at the hem of the shorts, exactly where it hit her mid-thigh, and felt his cheeks get warmer.

Shaking his head to push away the thoughts, he finished the climb and softly called out "hey" so she wouldn't jump.

She turned, eyes wide, and met his gaze. She smiled and he felt his knees weaken. He couldn't help it. She had the power to reduce him to a puddle with no more than a glance. "Kyo-kun!" She exclaimed. "Welcome home!"

He slid next to her, knocking her head gently with the back of his hand. "I've been home for a while, silly," He said. "I figured it was you who wasn't here."

Tohru blushed, ducking her head into her chin. "I'm hiding," she confessed. Kyo's eyes widened and she immediately amended her statement. "Not from you! Sorry. I'm hiding from Uo-chan and Hana-chan. And Momiji-kun. And everyone, really."

"Were they hounding you to hang out with them after school?" Kyo asked, even though he knew the answer was yes.

"Uo-chan and Hana-chan were, but I told them I was going to be with Momiji-kun," Tohru admitted. "And I told Momiji-kun I would be with Uo-chan and Hana-chan." As she spoke, her eyes widened and she turned bright red. She covered her face with her hands. "I thought I was being sneaky, but I didn't think about them running into each other! They will find out I lied! I'm such a horrible friend."

Kyo grabbed her hands from her eyes and held them together in his own. "You're not horrible. It's okay. You're allowed to study; I'm sure they would understand."

Tohru's blush deepened and she cast her gaze downward, avoiding his eyes.

"What?" He asked, confused as to why she'd suddenly become so shy.

"It's just…" she sighed and pulled her hands back, touching them to her crimson cheeks. "I was hoping you'd be home sooner. I was only studying to pass the time until you got back." Kyo's cheek color began to match hers. "I came up here to see you when you were getting closer to the house and I brought my textbook with me, but I was so busy trying to make out what it said in the dark, I wasn't paying attention to when you got home."

Now it was Kyo who looked away, trying to calm his heart, which was now about to pound out his chest with how much blood it was pumping to his face. "Sorry," he responded. "I didn't think I would be so late, but Shishou was…" he stopped, feeling the hairs stand up on the back of his neck when he thought about the conversation that had kept him for so long. "Trying to scrub the pan he'd burnt and he had no idea what he was doing." He'd hoped the pathetic excuse would close that part of the conversation. It was true, that Shishou had badly burnt a pan trying to fry some fish, but Kyo left so quickly he didn't even care to help.

"I'm glad you're home," Tohru said, grabbing his hand and leaning her head against his shoulder. Kyo felt butterflies in his stomach. He turned, gently kissing the top of her head and leaned his head on top of hers.

"I'm glad you're home," He responded. "I missed you."

He didn't just mean that day. He had missed her for the past three years. He'd longed for her, her warmth, her voice, her gentle touch, everything. Now that he had all of it, he missed it the second it was pulled away from him, even for a few hours when they were busy. Even going to bed at night, sitting in his desk at school; pulling himself away from her was awful.

They sat on the roof for over an hour, lying flat on their backs and looking at the stars. Tohru updated him about what the doctor said and showed him the scar on her arm, from where she'd had the stitches removed. Kyo didn't have much he wanted to share about Shishou's, so mostly they just enjoyed the quiet time. It wasn't until Tohru nearly couldn't keep her eyes open that Kyo insisted they go downstairs and go to bed.

He stood in the doorway of her room and kissed her softly on the lips. Tohru lightly grabbed the hem of his shirt and looked up at him, seemingly conflicted. Kyo cocked his head and asked "what?"

She blushed and ducked her head. "I was thinking…" she started. "That, tonight, you could, um, stay? If you wanted to."

He searched her face, heart racing. There were a thousand responses he could have given, ranging from overly excited, to overly paranoid, worrying about whether or not Shigure would find out. He said nothing, instead following her into her bedroom, watching her gently slide the door closed behind her.

Tohru clicked off the lamp next to her bed and they slid into the small, pink bed together. They faced one another, allowing their eyes to adjust back to just the moonlight, streaming through the window above her bed. They were inches apart. He didn't think he'd ever been this close to a person. Let alone a woman. Let alone her. He tried to keep his hormones in check, but it was a challenge. He could practically hear her heartbeat (or maybe that was his). He could see the rise and fall of her chest as she inhaled. He could see her face, in every intimate detail. Damn, he thought to himself, thanking the universe for being in this exact situation.

Her brow furrowed and Kyo realized he'd actually said that aloud. "Sorry," he quickly said. "It's just…" he struggled to find the right words as outward affection still felt unnatural. "You're so beautiful."

She placed her hand gently on the side of his face and leaned in to kiss him. His hand found its way into her hair, pulling her face closer to his, deepening the kiss. Her hands floated to his chest, gently exploring the contours of his upper body. His hand traveled down to the small of her back, gently skimming the her shoulder blades and the curve of her waist.

Outside the door, the hall light clicked on and cast a ribbon of light across Tohru's face. The two pulled apart, listening as, presumably Yuki, made his way to his room. It was still early yet for Shigure. Footsteps padded down the hall, back and forth in front of her room twice, and both Kyo and Tohru held their breath, waiting for the light to once more darken. It seemed to take forever. Kyo gritted his teeth and whispered "damn rat," very eager to return to his previous activity.

The light turned off outside and they heard Yuki's door slide closed. Tohru returned her lips to his, kissing him with more intensity than she had before.

Hormones be damned, he couldn't help himself. He rolled his body so that he was looking down at her, her head against the pillow. He looked into her eyes before kissing her deeply, gently pressing his body against hers. Beneath him, she reached her arms around him, tugging the hem of his t-shirt up over his head and casting it to the floor. She gently explored his shoulders and chest with her hands, each molten touch branding his skin.

He dipped his head into the curve of her neck, gently kissing her there, eliciting soft sighs of pleasure. Like pouring gasoline on a fire, those soft moans just fueled his passion. He reached for her shirt and began undoing the buttons. He caught her gaze as he did so, and searched her amber eyes for any sign of uncertainty or hesitation, but what he saw was a mirror of his own desire and longing. Her cheeks were flushed, her breathing hitched, but on her face there was no fear, no anxiety, nothing but trust and her typical, earnest expression.

Her shirt fell open, exposing a pink, lacey bra sitting against her porcelain skin. His fingers gently skimmed the edges of the pink lace, trying to record each sensation, both hers and his. Creeping in, from the back of his mind, was the feeling familiar with likely every other teenager except him. The feeling of secrecy, sneaking around; the feeling of the youthful deviance of fooling around with a girl in your parents' house or sneaking out to meet up with friends after dark. It stirred in him an unexpected mirth and he paused, a smile fighting its way to his face, as he tried his hardest not to laugh and ruin the moment.

"Now the world is open for every experience," Kazuma had told him just hours before. "Don't take anything for granted."

He couldn't help it. His bare shoulders shook with the laughter he was trying his hardest to suppress. He felt completely unbound, almost giddy, as he relished in this experience of pure, teenage innocence. He hadn't ever anticipated feeling this. He didn't even know how much he'd longed for the 'typical' adolescence until it was right in front of him. He buried his head in Tohru's neck, muffling the laughter that had escaped.

Tohru pulled back, examining his face, eyes lit up with confused amusement. She wasn't exactly sure what joke she was missing, but the honest laughter and pure joy that Kyo exuded brought tears to her eyes. She couldn't imagine being happier than she was in that exact moment, witnessing his completely unguarded, unwavering joy.

Outside the door, Shigure's voice traveled up the stairs, singing a bastardized version of an Italian lullaby as if he had no concern for the fact that there were people sleeping (or…pretending to be sleeping) down the hall. As Shigure walked into the bathroom, turning on the shower and continuing his poor bellowing, Kyo reached down to the floor for his t-shirt, slipping it back on. He gently re-buttoned Tohru's pajama top, taking delight in her expression of disappointment.

"Go to sleep," He said, pulling her tightly into his chest. "It'll be better when we're alone." He said, promising more to come once they'd managed a moment alone in the house, no one else around. She sighed, nodding and nuzzling her head against his chest.

After a minute, her head popped up, chin resting on her hands as she looked at him. He raised an eyebrow as she whispered "Can I ask a question?" He nodded. "Can I call you Kyo?" She asked, dropping the honorific from his name.

"God yes, please," He responded. He'd always hated the honorific, longing to hear his name, just his name, come out of her mouth, free of any titles she used for anyone else.

She craned her head forward, stealing one last gentle kiss. "I love you," She whispered. "I love you, Kyo."

He pulled her closer, deeply inhaling her scent and listening to the sound of her breathing. "I love you, too," he responded, his voice barely audible. As her breath evened out and her body relaxed against his, Kyo stared out the window, burning every second into his memory, vowing he would never take anything for granted as long as he lived. Every experience, experience with her, was so precious to him. The world was open, life his for the taking. He closed his eyes, succumbing to sleep, feeling like the happiest, most relaxed version of himself. He couldn't imagine it would get better than this, but he couldn't wait.