Watership Down

Category: Angst/Darvey

Summary: Donna hands in her resignation, choosing to focus on herself while Harvey tries to build a relationship with Paula. Amid everything changing, they find their way back to each other, navigating another new normal that doesn't quite fit.

AN: This is set about 6 weeks after Inevitable and follows an AU timeline. Something new for me! And my first multi-chapter fic involving Paula. I won't lie, it's been challenging :P Thank you to the amazing Darvey fandom for always being so supportive! And an extra special huge thank you to Southsidesister (darvey_love on twitter) who has helped and grown my writing in so many ways!

In these crazy times, I don't think there's a better twitter family I could have asked for :) xxxxx

1. HARVEY

Harvey wakes to the sound of rain clattering against the windows, the weight and warmth beside him inviting, and yet he can't bring himself to roll toward the dip in the mattress. He chose Paula, the smell of her perfume tangling in the surrounding sheets, familiar and comforting like a place he could learn to call home. But it's going to take time. A lot has happened, and he shivers against a sudden chill, wondering if the notion of perfect really exists.

He'd given a piece of himself to get here, Donna. He'd made a sacrifice, and in the weeks she's been absent from his life, he still can't reconcile with the way it fell apart, how they're living in two separate worlds, void of communication or contact, existing without each other. She'd been angry, he'd been exhausted- accused her of forcing his hand, and then she was gone, a single piece of paper as heavy as a divorce settlement ending their relationship, with nothing to show for over a decade of being by each other's side.

There were no drawn-out proceedings, no wrestling with compromises. She just left, like her job had been the only influence keeping them in orbit for so long. It hurt, and his ego had slammed up defenses guarding against the brutal separation. He didn't reach out and she hasn't either. Not one phone call or text to indicate the dull, aching pain he feels is being reciprocated.

A roll of thunder growls through the rain, in-tune with his thoughts, and goosebumps startle his skin, tingling down to his spine. He's spent too long revisiting the moment that led him here, the way Donna's lips had teased his, her fingers blazing a trail of fire at the base of his neck. The feel of her had opened a floodgate, confusion and mistrust crashing through the barriers.

It did affect him.

He'd moved to kiss her back, had clung to the taste of her like she was air and he was drowning. In the aftermath, shame and embarrassment had propelled his anger, until she'd given him an out by calling it a mistake. Accepting she didn't feel anything was better than letting himself believe she did, and it had allowed them to move on. He'd been naïve enough to assume they could, until Paula had issued her ultimatum; that their relationship wouldn't survive if he kept working with Donna.

Faced with a shitty choice, he'd reacted in accordance, some part buried deep within him secretly hoping Donna would figure it out, come to him with another solution like she always did. But whatever she'd tried had failed. He was left alone, reading her resignation with moisture clouding his gaze, forced to mourn the consequences of his actions.

He'd let her go because it seemed easier to leave their cards lying face down on the table and walk away than staying to call each other's bluff.

That's what he's been telling himself, his ego at the helm steering him forward.

He doesn't regret the choice he made. Paula has shown him support and love, growing him in ways he never thought were possible, and when she starts to stir, curling towards him, he slips down under the blankets wrapping his arm around her.

"Morning." He relaxes, smiling as she nuzzles him, her cheek warm against his bare chest.

"It's getting colder," she hums, her voice thick with sleep and her mind not fully comprehending she's awake

"I thought you were British." He smirks against the top of her hair, his gaze drifting to the weather outside again. It's harsh and unwelcoming, but the need to release his energy vibrates through him.

She senses his restlessness, the familiar coil of his muscles leading her to a more coherent place. He's been getting up earlier recently to go to the gym or for a run, and she suspects the rigid routine is his way of working through the recent changes that have been happening, but she isn't worried. Donna was an integral part of his life for a long time. Even though in her opinion it hadn't been a healthy relationship, an adjustment period is normal. But she would much rather be included, and sneaks her leg across his, hoping the act will deter him from leaving. "You Americans must be softening me up."

He chuckles, subconsciously rolling his hips toward her, skimming his palm over the cotton of her t-shirt. He's tempted to forgo his work-out, or exercise it in another way, but she stifles a yawn which discourages the kind of release he's looking for. He needs hot and sweaty, hard to breathe punishment. Something to clear his mind for the upcoming day. "I'm going to hit the gym, you want me to make you a coffee?"

She shakes her head, trying not to show her disappointment and seeing it as something he has to do. He made the right decision committing to them but there are still layers that need unravelling, and she's willing to put in the effort, they just have to get over this hump first. "No, you go. I'm going to sleep, like a normal human being."

Amusement rumbles in his throat, drowned out by a clap of thunder that almost makes him reconsider leaving, but he's wound too tightly to stay, and untangles himself from her warmth, scrubbing a hand through his hair as his feet hit the cold floor. He shakes off the shock, trudging his way over to the drawer where his gym gear is stashed, rummaging through Paula's clothing to find his own. It's what couples do, they share space, and he doesn't mind.

Not really, although Donna would have known to put her things with his weekend outfits.

The invasive thought makes him flinch, his heart clenching at the unnecessary comparison he wasn't expecting. He tells himself it's because Donna knew him better than anyone else for over a decade, that it's normal to slip up and forget she's not part of his life anymore.

She left him.

That's the reality they're both living now, and he's coming to terms with it, just like he's sure she is.

.

.

Half-way through the day and Harvey's flustered, the pounding he let loose at the gym a distant memory as he tears through the papers on his desk, looking for the notes he needs for a call in fifteen minutes. Numbers aren't his strong suit, that's why he had Louis print off the figures he can't find, and when Mike swings through his door, he snaps at the intrusion. "Whatever it is, can you get Donna to-" he stops, the slip puncturing through to his consciousness, and he tugs his tie, trying to release growing tension that's suffocating him.

He'd learnt to navigate chaos when Donna had first left his desk but even as COO she'd always maintained a presence, warning him about upcoming changes and keeping his day from spiralling out of control. He may have let her go from his personal life, but the instinctive need to seek her out in his work one is still proving a challenge. "What is it, Mike?"

He flinches, stepping further into the space. "Cavanaugh are threatening to pull their deal." It's the last thing Mike wants to pile on-top of the Managing Partner, and he rushes his movement, landing a folder down in front of Harvey.

He feels responsible, not for the withdrawal their client is making, he had no control over that, but for the way things are in general, and for not coming clean about the advice he gave Donna. He knows about the resulting kiss. Rachel had learned and revealed the real reason for Donna's departure, leaving him wracked with guilt over the unforeseeable outcome. For years he's been silently rooting for his best friend to be with Donna, but he'd been a catalyst in tearing them apart, and he doesn't know how to reveal the truth to Harvey. There are no right words to apologize, but he needs to find them- when the timing is better, not here, or like this. "What can I do?"

"Nothing," he grumbles, sliding his gaze over the documents. Since Jessica's name came off the wall they've been hemorrhaging clients due to the bad press. All they can do is focus on the ones they have left and try to keep any more from leaving, which is his responsibility as Managing Partner. "I'll take care of it."

"I can-"

"Mike." There's a warning behind his tone, not in the mood to pander to the kid's good intentions. "Leave it."

Mike digs his hands into his pockets, retracing his way back out with a heavy sigh, Donna's vacant office making him squirm as he stops outside the four transparent walls. He really screwed up, and flutters his eyes closed, opening them when he feels a light pressure against his arm.

"Hey. You okay?" Rachel queries, her mouth turning over a frown.

He breathes in, dragging his gaze from the empty chair opposite them. "Cavanaugh just threatened to walk."

"Shit." She doesn't bother trying to mask how serious the threat is. If they lose the company's business, it's going to have a disastrous impact on the firm, the last thing any of them need right now. "Can I do something?"

"Harvey's taking care of it." Another stress added to the man's list of never-ending worries, and he sinks a hand across his face.

"This wasn't your fault." Rachel takes in his tense shoulders, sliding her fingers up to give his left side a soft squeeze, not just referring to the case. He's been beating himself up about everything recently, the clinic, missing out on becoming a named partner, and now he's taking responsibility for the mess between Donna and Harvey, but that wasn't his doing, and her best friend agrees.

"You sure about that?" he asks, the sarcasm bouncing freely.

"I am." She fixes him with a firm but soft look. They all miss Donna. The ghost of her presence is impossible to ignore, but she isn't gone, she's just not here anymore. Harvey refusing to recognize the difference is one thing, but Mike sharing the burden isn't fair. "Harvey made his choice, and so did Donna," she reminds him, pulling her hand down to tangle with his. Her soon-to-be husband is a good man who was trying to do the right thing. Nothing that happened can be pinned on his advice alone, but if he doesn't come clean, it's going to keep eating away at him, and she can't stand to see him suffering like this. "You need to tell him, Mike."

He blinks, the warmth of her touch grounding him, and she's right, he can't keep putting it off. "I know." Maybe if he explains to Harvey that he wanted his friend to find something special, like the connection he has with Rachel, the lawyer will be more understanding, but even if not, he's learnt keeping information from Harvey is far worse than the consequences of revealing it. The longer he waits, the harder it's going to be, and he gives Rachel a small smile. "You mind if I hang back here tonight?"

"Of course not." Supporting each other is what they do, and if he can smooth things over with Harvey, he should take as much time as he needs, though she does press him with a playful warning. "Just remember, it's a school night."

"Gee thanks, mum," he smirks, watching her crinkle up her nose with a disapproving snort.

"No."

A grin teases the corners of his mouth. "No?"

"Definitely not." She tries to keep up the facade, but her amusement bubbles out when he kisses her, his lips smothering her giggle.

He lingers longer than he should, a feeling of contentment spreading through him. He really doesn't know what he did to get so lucky, but he honestly can't wait to marry the woman pressed in his arms. Part of him would rush her down to City Hall right now, but she deserves more than a quick elopement. He wants to give her the wedding she's always dreamed of, and when she pulls back, he's smiling like an idiot.

"What?" she queries, butterflies dancing in her stomach when he pushes her aside, skating his thumb across her cheek.

"Nothing," he assures her, "I'm just looking forward to the day I get to call you Mrs. Rachel Zane-Ross."

She blushes, but feels the exact same way. "Well, if you get home early enough, maybe we can start practicing for our honeymoon."

She winks, her body slipping out of his grasp, and it's even more incentive for him to bite the bullet, prompting him to slip out and find a bottle of Harvey's favourite whiskey. He's hoping the gesture will clear a path to redemption, and he returns, sitting on the belief for another couple of hours, until it's time to enact the theory.

The rest of the office, save for Louis, have gone home, and he's grateful there's still at least one person around who can act as a witness if his confession isn't received well. But it's now or never, and he clears this throat, pushing open the door in front of him. "Hey, you got a minute?"

Harvey glances up sharply, his eyes falling to the amber liquid in the kids tightly closed fist. He's never once known Mike to approach him with alcohol, that always been Donna's signature move. She'd saunter in with a drink, or pour one with no hesitation. Unlike Mike, who looks like he's about to shit himself.

Whatever the kid wants, it can't be good, and he glances across at his decanter that's remained untouched since he and Donna were here, listening to his father's records. She'd sent him over to Paula's after, neither of them knowing it was spelling an end to something, and he swings back in his chair with a sigh, figuring why the hell not? Maybe starting a new tradition will help erase the ache that's been grinding away ever since the loss of his old one.

"Sure."

He picks himself up, shrugging out of his jacket and rolling up his sleeves, ignoring the look of surprise on Mike's face. Instead, he grabs two glasses, avoiding the chair and perching on the edge of the sofa.

Mike sinks into Harvey's usual spot, pouring three fingers into each tumbler for good measure. He needs the liquid courage and takes a large mouthful, trying not to flinch as it slides roughly down his throat. It's a welcome distraction, and he holds the roundness in his hands, tilting it absently, "So… how are you doing, with everything?"

Harvey shrugs, taking a sip of his own and swallowing it down. "Cavanaugh agreed to stay on, for now."

It's good news, but not the direction Mike was angling at, which he suspects Harvey knows. "That's not what I meant."

Of course it isn't. Because if that's all the kid wanted, he wouldn't have come in armed with a shield of whiskey, but that doesn't make him any more inclined to dig for the actual reason. He's had a shit day, and would rather just get straight to the point. "Mike, if something is going on-"

"I need to tell you something," he admits, cutting his friend off before he loses the balls to say what he has to get out. "And you're going to be pissed."

Harvey immediately tenses, his eyebrows knitting together in preparation, but he doesn't interrupt whatever confession is about to come tumbling out.

"That night, before we went to see Malik, I kind of told Donna if she had feelings for you, she should say something before it was too late."

A heavy silence follows the admission, and Mike winces, keeping his head down and his focus on the glass clutched in his hands. "I know about the kiss, Harvey, but I didn't know that's what she was going to do, and I wanted to tell you sooner, as soon as I found out it happened, but I was worried if I did-"

"Mike." He stops the ramble with a sigh. "It's okay." There's no anger or resentment in his expression. He isn't over the moon Mike stuck his nose in, but even if the kid fanned some flames, he didn't create the situation he and Donna winded up in. That was their doing, no one else's.

"It is?" Mike asks skeptically, eyeing his best friend. It certainly wasn't the reaction he was expecting, but there's nothing in Harvey's demeanor to suggest it's a lie.

"Things turned out the way they did for a reason," he says simply, letting the rest go with a slight shake of his head. He won't pretend it hasn't been hard, that losing Donna wasn't painful, or one of the worst things he's ever had to face. He'll be resentful, then the next second filled with heartache, but not seeing her has made it easier in some ways. It's helped him to avoid what he's been feeling, and he navigates around a sudden, irritating scratch in his throat. "It was time for us to move on, that's all."

Two adults who care about each other don't move on.

The words haunt him as he downs a sip that does nothing to take the edge off, but he grips the glass more tightly anyway.

Mike wants to call bullshit, but doesn't, sensing the hurt is still too deeply buried, that antagonizing it will only cause his friend more pain. There are instances where Harvey needs to be pushed and others when he has to take the first step. Ironically, it was Donna who helped teach him the difference, and he sits back, leading instead of forcing the conversation. "Things are going well with Paula?"

"They are." Harvey offers a small smile, the comment genuine but he can't quite wrap his mouth fully around it. Things haven't been all smooth sailing, but at their stages of life, there was bound to be some baggage to work through, which they're doing. He's committed himself to being with Paula and can't say if it will be forever or not, but they stand a fighting chance of building foundations together, something that could last and that's what he wants, taking the rare opportunity to be completely honest with Mike. "Donna kissing me knocked us onto different paths, but this is the direction I want to be going in."

"Then I'm happy for you, Harvey."

It might not be the path any of them expected, and Mike still isn't sure it's the right one, but he's also done nothing to prove his intuition wrong. He's been standing in Donna's corner without even trying to understand the reason behind Harvey's decision, and as the man's friend, it's something he should put more effort into accepting. "Why don't we all go out to dinner, I'll invite Rach, and we can get to know each other a little better."

Harvey scoffs at the implication."You mean, so you can tell Paula stories about what an asshole I was when you first started."

"What do you mean, was?" Mike ribs back with a chuckle that steers them into silence again. Usually Harvey would be quicker with a retort, but instead of bantering, he lifts his gaze seriously.

"Thanks, Mike, for being straight with me.

Loyalty has always been the one thing he's valued above all else and if Mike knew about the kiss, the real reason Donna left, then he's not just grateful for his friend coming forward, but for also not taking sides. He'll admit, reaching out has never been his best attribute, but he'd like the chance to prove he wasn't the bad guy in all of this, and that his girlfriend wasn't either. "I know Paula will appreciate the offer."

His features relax and Mike knows it was the right thing to suggest, even if the weight of it sits somewhat awkwardly in contrast to his role as Donna's friend as well. He isn't trying to undermine what she's been through, but he needs to support Harvey at the same time.

Something that makes complete sense to him, until they call it a night, and he finds himself having to defend the dinner-date to his fiance.

"You agreed we'd do what?"

Rachel's voice hikes up an octave, and he flinches when she storms off, his feet sluggish as they trail behind her into their bedroom. "I didn't think-"

"No, Mike, you didn't think." She stops by the foot of the bed, folding her arms tightly over the front of her chest. She thought he was staying at the firm to clear his conscience, not sign them up for a couple's happy hour with a woman she has no intention of becoming friends with. "You can't expect me to sit there and act like Paula isn't responsible for Donna leaving the firm."

Her nostrils flare with anger as she spins around, and he throws his arm up in defeat, not sure what else to do. He gets it. She's being protective of Donna, and that's one of the reasons he loves her- because she'd go to hell and back for the people she cares about, but he's not asking her to battle a three-headed hound. It's one dinner, and he hovers at the door to their ensuite, watching her angrily slap water onto her face. "You said it yourself, Donna made her own choices."

"That was different, and you know it." She glares through the droplets clinging to her lashes, patting her skin with the nearest towel. Donna had decided it was better to leave and for once it wasn't to put Harvey's needs first, it was to protect herself, and it's been hard enough respecting the fact it's a complicated situation. They'd both made mistakes, Donna owning up to hers through too many tears, and because of that, Harvey isn't exactly her favourite person at the moment. She can be professional at work, even make pleasantries for Mike's sake, but sitting down to a meal with the lawyer and his girlfriend is outside of the realms of anything she's comfortable with.

"How do you think Donna's going to feel when she finds out?" she asks, leaning against the sink and catching Mike's guilty look in the mirror, her gaze narrowing at the apologetic turn of his lips. "Don't you dare tell me she doesn't have to know."

He snaps his mouth closed, the stupidity of the idea stinging like a physical slap, one he probably deserves. They've been taking a lot of liberties, being careful not to let what happened affect their relationship, and he'd assumed they were on the same page, but this isn't a grey area. It's something with the potential to cause a conflict, and he should have at least asked first. "You're right, I'm sorry," he admits, but even though he might be in the wrong, he still had a valid reason for making the call on her behalf. "It's just, Harvey needs this… you should have seen his face Rach, he won't admit it but he's hurting."

"So is Donna." She pushes off the basin meeting the uncertainty in his eyes, the regret pooled there, and she doesn't blame him for trying to do what's right by his friend, but whether she's being biased or not, the facts are the same. "Harvey didn't have to give up his home and his family so they could both finally move on. She needs us too, Mike."

"I know." He pulls away from her gaze, feeling like shit as he sinks into the mattress, letting the object take some of the weight he's carrying. There's no easy solution, but he can try to find a way around this one, at the very least take things back a step. "I'll talk to Harvey, tell him it isn't the right time, he'll understand."

She moves to the doorway, leaning against it and reading the anguish in his expression. She doesn't want to betray Donna, but can't stand seeing Mike wear the burden of another decision that was born from good intentions. She loves him more than anything, and she shifts forward with a sigh. "No."

His brows dip with confusion, and she settles herself in-between his legs, drawing a different determination from the soft grip of his palms as they close around her waist. "If you take it back now, we'll start down a road where one of us always has to pick a side. That's not fair."

He glances up in complete agreement. He made a mistake by forcing this on her and he's going to be a lot more careful in the future, but he's never been so grateful to have someone in his life who's willing to stand by him and wear the consequences of his sometimes bad decisions. "I really am sorry."

She cups her palms over his shoulders, gently massaging the tension out of them. "It's just one meal, right?"

He can't help but smile, doing the one thing he knows isn't wrong, and expressing exactly how he feels. "I love you."

She bends down to kiss him, and without a doubt, he's never felt more sure about himself or them. She's the woman he's going to marry, and the sooner it happens, the better.