a/n:

originally published on ao3 last march 8, 2020

a much needed break from the angsty rerik stuff!

Erik was a complicated man who had a bad habit of unnecessarily turning the simplest things into the most complex.

One of those things was yearning for affection but absolutely refusing to ask for one. The opera ghost had made many ludicrous demands, and something so human, so embarrassing, would likely put his infamous reputation at risk.

Let no man find out that the Opera Ghost had feelings.

Let no one find out to whom these were directed to.

Let no man find out that he was the vicomte de Chagny's lover.

Let no man find out his desire to be touched by a man who was simply too good for him.

It wasn't like Raoul deprived or neglected him. In fact, Raoul was rather a shameless and reckless young man.

He would wink in Erik's direction when no one was minding anyone else's business. He recalled the first time Raoul did it. He was caught off guard that he almost revealed where he was hiding. Raoul ended up having to distract the managers and the rest of the company.

Erik absolutely didn't miss the playful smirk on Raoul's face. That brat knew he had Erik wrapped around his finger.

Erik cursed him under his breath.

Whenever he felt that Erik's was observing from the shadows backstage, he would sneak into one of his usual hiding spots and steal a chaste kiss from his lips and bury his face in Erik's chest.

Raoul would often get too lost listening to his heartbeat that Erik would have to pull back and push him away whenever he heard someone approaching.

During a performance, Raoul would come to box five even if the managers and Madame Giry warned him of the Phantom's wrath. He was not there to bask in the exquisiteness of the singers anyways, but to drink in the breathless moans of Erik, pinned against the wall as an eager Raoul demanded more of him.

To be honest, Raoul gave him so much.

Too much that Erik who was content with so little at first, had become as greedy as him.

Erik wanted to hold his hand.

Erik wanted to be embraced.

Erik wanted to be kissed.

Erik wanted to be taken care of.

He had lived for decades unloved, and he had managed to survive. Yet it did not mean he was alive.

He only came to understand what it truly meant because of Raoul.

Now he cannot live without love.

He cannot live without him.

Erik wanted to keep him all to himself. Make him stay with him down below. Whisk him away from the light of day which he clearly belonged to.

He knew that he had no right, but he knew Raoul unfortunately loved him enough to permit him to do so. He would probably be even delighted at the thought. That somehow frightened Erik.

Raoul would give him the moon and stars but the problem was, Erik did not know how to...express the love in the same ardent, physical manner—let alone ask for it. He never asked, he just received. With his consent, he always let Raoul do whatever he wanted with him.

Though both inexperienced with love, Raoul seemed to be more confident with how he expressed himself through physical affection.

Erik was the exact opposite. It terrified him to make the first move. The thought of Raoul rejecting his advances frightened him.

He knew Raoul would gladly accept whatever he was willing to give.

He just didn't know how much of it he could give.

Also, he was easily embarrassed. And awkward.

And well, he was Erik.

His eyes followed Raoul's hands as they moved to his words, entranced at their elegance. His thoughts only consisted of how warm it must be against his cold ones, and how soft they should feel against his callous ones.

"Erik, are you listening?" Raoul frowned, as he took a sip of water, parched after complaining about his day. Erik gulped as a small amount of it trickled down his chin.

"Yes, I was just..." Erik trailed off, distracted by the way Raoul used the table napkin to wipe the droplets off his mouth.

"Is there still something on my face?" Raoul asked, worried.

Erik nodded, still in a trance. "Beauty."

Raoul hid his embarrassment with a laugh. "Erik, your words never fail to flatter me."

Erik blushed and fiddled with the coat of his sleeves.

"Flattery was not my intention. I simply offered the truth."

Raoul giggled as he placed his finger on his lips, silently asking Erik to stop. His delight came to a halt once he noticed Erik fidgeting in his seat. He already knew what that meant. Erik had something in mind but could not speak it into existence.

"What is the matter?" He followed Erik's gaze and blushed as he realized what he was looking at.

"Raoul…" Erik began with a whisper. He cleared his throat, still hesitant.

"Yes?"

Raoul loved him,he tried to convince himself.

He shook his head, his shoulders slumping. "It's nothing."

"Erik," Raoul insisted gently.

"Close your eyes," Raoul blinked at the odd request.

"Why?"

"Don't ask," Erik murmured shyly. "Please?"

Raoul observed him for a brief moment before pouting and finally closing his eyes.

Erik was indeed a strange man with strange requests.

Before Raoul could ponder further about Erik's peculiarity, he felt the lightest brush on his forehead. It was gone in a heartbeat before he even had the chance to realize what it was.

He opened his eyes, brows furrowed in confusion. He saw Erik was sitting across from him, face buried in his own hands, red from his neck to his ears.

He blinked once. Twice.

Oh.

His eyes widened with realization as blood rushed to his cheeks. He covered his mouth, silencing the smallest gasp that escaped his lips.

"Did you…?" Raoul asked in a daze, fingers touching where Erik's lips were moments ago.

Erik could only grunt in reply. Raoul could not contain the stupid smile on his face, enjoying quite the sight of a flushed Erik.

He immediately got out of his seat and kneeled beside him. He felt Erik stiffen as he laid a hand on his arm.

"Erik, please let me see you."

Erik shook his head and apologized.

"What in the world are you sorry for?"

"Because..." Erik bit his lip in shame. "The need for your touch consumes me, yet I could not bring myself to let you know that."

"Erik…" Raoul gently pried his hands away from his blushing face. Erik resisted at first, but eventually sighed and let him. He refused to look at him. "You have made me the happiest man."

Erik's doubtful, yellow eyes met his. "Lies."

"Not at all. I am pleasantly surprised that you would convey your feelings in that manner."

Raoul guided Erik's hand until they pressed against his chest. "See?"

Erik gave a small nod, fixated on his hands grasping his and how it was possible that Raoul's heart could beat so fast just from a kiss on the forehead. A kiss from him—Erik!

"Thank you, Erik," he brought his hands to his lips. "It must have been difficult."

Erik shook his head and smiled at him. "I shall keep trying."

"I don't think my heart can take any more," Raoul chuckled as he stood up, their hands still entwined. He gave his hands a final squeeze of reassurance before taking a step back. Erik refused to let go.

Raoul watched how Erik squirmed in his seat, trying to find the words which were still so foreign and uncomfortable in his tongue. Raoul smiled at him. It didn't even matter if Erik was busy avoiding his gaze. Erik did not need to say anything because he already understood.

He bent down to Erik's level, placed a hand behind his neck, and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. He felt Erik relax and sigh.

They parted for a moment, nothing but the warmth and fondness in their hearts. They smiled at each other, their love already declared without being uttered.

Their lips found each other again, this time with a sense of urgency. Erik, still unsatisfied at their closeness, pulled him in by his collar. Raoul giggled as he ended up straddling him. Erik had to restrain himself from moaning as he finally settled comfortably on his lap.

By the time they parted again, they were gasping for air. Erik's mask was already discarded and forgotten on the floor. He immediately buried his face in his chest, more self-conscious of how scarlet his cheeks may have turned more than his deformity.

Raoul stroke the back of his neck and left a kiss on the top of his head.

"Erik, do you know how adorable you are?"

"You simply cannot call the Opera Ghost adorable," Erik grumbled, inhaling the familiar scent of Raoul. "It took me years of hard work to build this reputation."

"I absolutely can! Of all the things you let me do to you, that is where you draw the line?" Raoul gasped dramatically. "Oh, the pain is unbearable!"

"Stop saying such embarrassing nonsense!" Erik protested, the rosiness of his cheeks now spreading to his neck and ears.

Raoul laughed and kissed his forehead.

"Absolutely adorable."

Erik was just grateful that Raoul could not see the silly smile on his face as he let Raoul's heartbeat lull him to sleep.

a/n:

thank you so much for reading! would be lovely to hear your thoughts! x