It wasn't enough to just begin to memorize boxing stances and moves. Before Miu could fully commit to the style, she had to get herself into shape. If she had to sum it up in one word, 'grueling' was the best fit. By the end of the first week, every muscle in Miu's body was stiff and that was from taking things slow.

There really wasn't any rush and Miu didn't mind at all taking her time. Pound by pound, she increased the amount of how much she was able to lift in a given set. Miu learned about extending and breathing and the importance of stretching. On days she couldn't lift with her arms, she used her legs and when her legs felt like they would give out, she switched to arms again. When Miu's body couldn't handle weight lifting, she jogged or even just went for walks.

Miu copied the moves of the instructors she watched on her television screen. She would watch and then repeat. If something felt off, Miu would do it again and again until she was certain it was right. At the secondhand store Miu also combed the shelves for battered but still legible books and found herself doing something she hadn't done in ten years.

It was unthinkable; all those years Miu never had trouble keeping up with her classes, but it was all done out of necessity. She didn't care about anything the teachers tried to impress on her mind and it was all forgotten fairly quickly, but Miu never felt it was a loss.

Now every night before bed Miu read a new chapter, made a new scribble in her notes for her techniques, and it just branched out from there. Amateur boxing was Miu's main focus; she read that it was supposedly the creation of an ancient civilization that attributed it to a deity known for music, poetry, and the sun. It also seems boxing goes by similar rules that Heaven's Arena follows; losses are determined by either knockouts or disqualification. Before Miu knew it, she was pouring over more material than she had ever bothered to when she was a student.

Studying and training went hand in hand and both were about as exhausting. Miu wasn't sure what kept her going at first. It might have been for a distraction or a change of pace. In the end, she supposed the main reason was no reason. By the time Miu is able to see clear definition in both her arms and legs and can lift over two hundred pounds over her head with ease, spring has turned into summer. It's been over three months and Miu has stopped wondering when Hisoka will pay her that promised visit again and collect his things.

In the back of her mind, he's there though. When Miu is tempted to throw in the towel and questions what she's doing, wasting time on this hobby; as Miu pushes herself a little more each day, she recalls Hisoka's words.

Today Miu had taken the bus right after work to take a trip to the market. It was an eerie experience to be there on a weekday afternoon. Miu hasn't found the energy to go directly after a long shift; she doesn't even need to shop for groceries yet, but currently Miu feels compelled to go all the same. The store is exactly the same of course; the same aisles, same food; nothing was noticeably different.

Miu takes her time browsing the shelves before finding herself at the flowers. The red rose bouquets were on sale, but this time Miu doesn't make a beeline for them. This time, she pauses to look at the others. There were cheaper flowers like carnations and daisies and tulips of all colors. There were tiny boxes of violets and single orchids and decorative pots of geraniums and poppies. Miu turns her attention to the roses section and really looks over the selection. There's single stems and bouquets and wreaths; the colors the roses come in are as varied as the other flowers. White and cream, yellow and peach, pinks and even blue. Miu actually feels pretty stupid for never noticing. She makes a note to pull out Katsumi's books to look up some of them herself for reference.

"Can I help you?"

Miu almost jumps out of her skin. "Oh, no. I'm just looking."

"Do you like our roses? We just got a new shipment."
"They're nice."

Miu hopes the woman can't see how hot her face is becoming.

"Were there any in particular you wanted to get?"

"I was," Miu berates herself for saying it outloud. "Do you have purple roses?"

"Yeah, they're over there." the woman points to the bouquet wedged between the blue and orange roses. "We only have one bouquet today though."

Miu doesn't know how she can tell the woman she didn't mean to actually buy them.

The woman smiles as Miu grabs the bouquet from the others. Miu can't stop blushing; she almost feels like she's being suckered into buying the flowers, even though no one is forcing her.

"Are you buying those for someone? They're so pretty, right?"

"Yeah."

It's been ten years since Miu has talked to anyone outside of Katsumi and her boss. This is just sad. She's never even properly spoken to staff at the supermarket she goes to at least once a month.

"Purple roses are so romantic, even more than red ones."

The florist's name is Aina. Miu tries to read her name tag discreetly.

"Really?"

"Purple roses symbolize highly spiritual love. I guess it's like having a soulmate."

"A what?" Miu frowns. "What's that?"

"You don't…? Um, I guess," Aina pauses. "I guess it's a friend, but more?"

"More?"

"Someone special to you, I guess. They inspire you...they accept you and you accept them." Aina shrugs. "At least, that's what I've always heard about it."

"Oh."

Aina looks at Miu strangely. "So, did you want these?"

"Yeah. And the red ones."

"Do you want them in the same bag?"

"Sure, thanks."

"You look familiar." Aina tears a large plastic covering out from the wrapping containers. "You don't go to the city university, do you?"

"Oh, no. I've never even been there."

"Really?" Aina asks. "I'm starting a semester there in a few months. I'm taking botany courses."

"What?"

"Basically studying plants. I really wasn't sure what I wanted to study until I started working here. This was just supposed to be a way to get extra money; I never expected to get so invested in what I do."

"That's nice." Miu wouldn't know personally about anything Aina's saying, but she doesn't need to tell this stranger her life story.

"My parents wanted me to study something like medicine or law, but what's the point in that?" Aina selects a ribbon to tie the flowers together in the bag.

"Well...I don't know about botany, but jobs in medicine in law make a lot of money." Miu reasons. "I can see why they'd want you to take classes for them."

"Is that what you'd go to college for? Just to get a job and make money?"

"Isn't that what college is for?"

Miu wishes she hadn't said anything; after all, she just came in to buy flowers, but this Aina is looking at her like she's the weird one. Miu doesn't understand how she got caught up talking to someone about a topic that doesn't have anything to do with her. It's not like Miu will ever go to school; she probably wouldn't be able to get into any college anyway and she doesn't want to. It's not necessary.

"Sure, but it's not the only reason to go." Aina purses her lips. "I mean, what do you plan to do when you take classes?"

"Study." Miu doesn't bother to mention all the reasons why this scenario doesn't apply to her. Aina doesn't seem to be listening.

"And then?"

"Then what?"

Aina raises an eyebrow. "What else will you do?"

"What else…?" Miu frowns; it feels like they're going in circles. "That's all. I mean, that's why people go."

"Sure," Aina looks exasperated when she hands over the bagged bouquets. "But come on, there's more to life than studying."

Miu carefully takes the flowers into her arms so she doesn't bruise the petals. "But I have to study to do well."

"That's all fine, but what about having a good time?"

"Having...a good time?"

"Having a good time." Aina repeats with a grin. "Come on, don't tell me you don't know how to have fun?"

Miu brings the flowers closer to her face. "These smell nice. Thanks, see ya."

Miu had walked off quickly to the registers, all the while feeling like something of a fool. She really could have waited until her usual time to visit the store; the awkward conversation could have been avoided entirely. Granted, Miu suspects she was the only one who felt tense during the exchange; Aina seemed almost eager to talk to share her thoughts to a perfect stranger, but then, maybe it's just Miu. She wouldn't know the first thing about holding a normal conversation with anyone. Hisoka didn't count; he was clearly a hundred times more unhinged than anyone Miu had ever met. His comments were bold and uncaring of who cared to hear what he had to say.

Miu takes the withered roses out of Katsumi's old seasoning jar. After Miu places the new red roses in the old jars, she folds her hands, unsure what else to do with them while she's speaking.

"Hey."

The space Miu's reserved for Katsumi's memorial has been moved to a cabinet in the living room. With the money Miu received from Hisoka, she's been able to make something of a savings. She did splurge a little and her main purchase was relatively recent.

It was different. Miu slept easier, but now when she came home, the first thing she would see was Katsumi's face. She would glance over at the memorial while she was watching TV, training, studying, cooking, and cleaning. It was a new routine; at night Miu would say goodnight as she switched off the lights. In the morning she greets the picture with a small smile; when Miu left for work, she gave the space a little wave.

The unexpected thing is, Miu doesn't feel constricted by this new routine. She thought keeping Katsumi out in the open would bring on negative feelings, but it was the exact opposite. Instead of spending energy on containing memories of her sister to almost nothing, Miu was allowing her thoughts of Katsumi to weave in and out of her daily life.

It could be something so small and insignificant. Shelving Katsumi's cookbooks on the kitchen counter, eating a meal they had shared, even visiting the cafe that they used to go to. It was like each day Miu would let herself receive another gift Katsumi had left to remember her by.

"It only took ten years, but I guess it's better late than never. I'm sorry. I stopped living when you died. I knew you didn't want that. But I didn't want you to die either. you know."

In reality, Miu recognizes she sounds borderline insane trying to converse with a photograph surrounded by trinkets and flowers for someone who can't enjoy them. It doesn't matter. It's all she can do now.

"I would have done anything for you; even I had to spend everyday wondering when or if you would try to hurt yourself again. Losing you just meant trading in one pain for another. But the thing is, I just wanted you here, no matter what you did. No one else in the whole world ever loved me. Including me."

Katsumi must have believed in some dark place that Miu might be better off. Maybe she thought it would be easier for Miu to not have to deal with her mentally ill, unstable sister who routinely had breakdowns and lashed out at nothing. It was possible in her warped mind that Miu would move on and start a new life without any burdens.

"You were wrong. I didn't want to go on...but I didn't want to die either. I guess you could say I did the next best thing. But I'm not the same person I was last year. I still miss you so much, but now it's...it's almost like that pain is driving me forward. Something's changing me."

This restlessness that's been gnawing at Miu for months is finally being tempered. Every day is a challenge; sometimes Miu lapses and she lets it happen. She stays in bed too long, she eats too much junk, or she refuses to acknowledge her own pain. It lasts for a day or so and then Miu forces herself to wake up. The off days are less frequent than the productive ones, so Miu figures she must be doing okay. She's purposefully using her time and trying to vent this feeling she has into her practice and finding new ways to understand boxing. It's something Katsumi would have wanted for Miu; she would be happy to see her little sister hard at work and enjoying it for her own benefit.

Miu takes one of her taller plastic cups and fills it with water for the purple roses; this time she remembers to trim the thorns off the stems. She's already decided to put them on her bedside table. It will be nice to wake up to flowers, no matter what the world outside looks like. With a faint half smile, Miu traces the edges of one of the rose petals with a feather light touch.

"Hm...having a good time, huh?"