Harry Potter and the Unwanted Marriage Contract

Not So Sirius Edition.

HP AU ? [HP/DG] eventually.

A Marriage contract story with a difference.

AN: Not a fluff story. Some bad language. Harry makes jokes about killing himself. Harry's not 100% saintly.

The sequel to my crackfic Harry Potter and the Method of Double-tap. Go read that first.

This story takes place after Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire; and if you don't read the prequel, nothing will make less sense… Or more sense. Or something. This is fanfic.

There is a version of this that's not very funny, and rather grim.

This version, has rather more humour and less grim-ness. And I'm Sirius about that.

If you weren't reading… Harry's killed Peter Pettigrew, somewhat vanquished Voldemort in the graveyard with a lot of help from Cedric Diggory, killed the fake Mad-Eye moody, been freed forever from Dursleys by a freed Sirius Black, handed back the gun Sirius gave him, then avoided death by accidental arranged marriage to Delphini Riddle, and gone home to Grimmauld place.

Harry's betrothal contract with Delphini Riddle showed up as an extra face on the magical family tree with a line linking Delphini Riddle to Harry. There were of course lines up the family tree showing her parentage. Tom Riddle finally made into a real pureblood family tree. Briefly.

[AN: This is a crack version of the original sad sequel. I originally wrote it as a sad story, but I guess a crack version may be more to some tastes]

If there's not enough silliness in this version… I'm sure we can cut a deal over some reviews.

Grimmauld place, kitchen.

Sirius Black sits down at the kitchen table and admires his leather jacket on the back of the kitchen door.

Harry heads off upstairs.

"Where are you going Harry?" asked Sirius, chasing Harry.

"Just going to check the family tree. Just to be sure." said Harry.

"Fine, my paranoid godson." said Sirius, chasing Harry, Sirius liked chasing things.

Harry enters the room with the family tree and heads for his own section.

Harry and Sirius bend down and look at Harry's face on the family tree that covers the walls of the whole room. "Fuck… there's still a girl there linked to my name" said Harry. "I'm still in a marriage contract!"

"Lumos" said Sirius, squatting slowly.

"I still can hardly see.. still a witch D something"

"Lumos" repeated Sirius.

"Who the hell is Daphne Greengrass?" asked Harry. 'And why am I in a marriage contract with her.' he thought

Sirius snorted "The Greengrasses are in the sacred twenty eight and she's born in 1980, like you. She's at Hogwarts with you" said Sirius certainly.

"How do you know all that?" said Harry, noting the year of birth on Daphne's name-rectangle-thingy.

"Harry, there are only twenty eight names in the sacred twenty eight. It's easy." said Sirius.

"Sirius, I solemnly swear, I've never heard of her" said Harry.

Sirius snorted. "Well, she's not a bastard, or a halfblood" said Sirius, tracking upwards. "Her mother's an Abbot."

Silence.
"Sirius, can I have the gun back, so I can shoot myself?" asked Harry.

"Harry," Sirius squinted at the painting "She looks alright" he said.

"This is not happening" said Harry, shaking his head.

"Harry, you probably don't have to marry her" said Sirius.

"What?"

"We'll find the Potter family rules, I'll un-adopt you, you'll be fine"

"Sirius, that sounds like a load of bull"

"I Was trying to make you feel better" said Sirius.

"So I go from having Voldemort try to kill me, to having to marry some girl I've never met." cried Harry.

"Harry, you've met her, you might not have ever noticed her, or talked to her, but she was at the same sorting as you" said Sirius.

"Well she's not in Griffindor"

"Well of course not"

"What do you mean?"

"The hats tell you the house people were in at Hogwarts" said Sirius.

"But her hat is silver"

"Yeah, well, that explains why you haven't talked to her." said Sirius.

"Huh"

"Harry, look at most of the Blacks. What colour are their hats"

"Umm…. Silver"

"Slytherin" said Sirius.

"I'm dead. A witch from Slytherin, forced to marry me… I'm a dead man" moaned Harry.

"No Harry, you'll just be dead on the inside" said Sirius, cheerfully. "Like all your Black forebears"

...

"Harry, you can talk to snakes, right" asked Sirius

"Yeah"

"Problem solved. Use snake speech on her" said Sirius.

"Asshole" said Harry sulkily.

...

"We need to deal with this, write her family a letter"

"I'm fourteen" cried Harry.

"And you're an adult at seventeen, so you only have three years to get to know her."

-==0==-

The kitchen, that afternoon

"Come on Harry, we're going shopping you need clothes that fit."

"You're going to buy me clothes?"

"Well, you're too small for mine, and I'm wearing them"

"Sirius, thanks"

"Don't thank me, this is going to take ages"

-==0==-

Back at Grimmauld place, later.

"Sirius, why is your house filthy and full of magical pests"

"Because my mother died and left it for ten years"

"I'm sorry" said Harry.

"Don't be, she was an horrible woman, who supported Voldemort" said Sirius.

"No, I'm sorry it's disgusting." explained Harry.

"Well, we could hire some cleaners, I suppose" said Sirius.

"Sirius, I'm really upset about the marriage contract stuff" said Harry.

"It is awful, but we're Blacks. Show some stiff upper lip."

"I'm fourteen and forced to marry Sirius, I'm very sad" said Harry.

"And I know about the contracts Black uses Harry, I'll do all I can to help you." said Sirius.

-==0==-

"Harry, before we go see the Greengrasses, there are some things about them you need to know." said Sirius seriously.

"Oh, let me guess, they supported Voldemort?" said Harry.

Sirius snorted "Cyrus Greengrass is far too slippery for that. His nickname is Cyrus the virus. The Greengrasses never take sides, and Cyrus is the pinnacle of Greengrass evolution. If you cast fiendfyre into the wizengamot, he'd survive. Don't be deceived. He's not a vile as Lucy Malfoy, but he's not a goody goody."

"So my future father in law is a rat-bastard?" asked Harry.

Sirius laughed "Yes, but never say that. He was a pretty fair dueller at Hogwarts. In Slytherin, of course."

Harry shrugged "It runs in families, doesn't it?"

"Daphne's mother is Salome Greengrass nee Abbott. She was a Hufflepuff" said Sirius.

Harry snorted "A puff. What a creampuff"

Sirius snorted "Harry, you mess with one puff, you get hexed by all of them. She was cute at school. These days she's er, beautiful."

"Did you date her?" asked Harry

"She, um, didn't accept my Hogsmeade invites" said Sirius sulkily.

-==0==-

The Leaky Cauldron, the back room.

Sirius and Harry walk in, the door is marked "Private function"

There's a family sitting, waiting.

Harry sees a blonde mother, a blonde daughter… That must be Daphne. She has vividly blue eyes, and an angry face.

"Lord Black, Mister Potter" rasps the father, standing up. He's thin, has bug-eyes and thin dark hair. The younger daughter, who seems excited has dark hair too.

"Lord Greengrass" says Sirius, nodding.

"My wife Salome" said Cyrus and she nods.

"My daughter Daphne," Daphne stares at Harry angrily. 'This is not going well' thought Harry.

"My youngest, Astoria." Astoria seems highly amused and winks.

"I think everyone knows Me, and Harry's more famous than I am" said Sirius.

Mrs Greengrass frowns.

Harry tries to do the thing they rehearsed "Lord Greengrass, Lady Greengrass, Daphne, Astoria" he nods to the all.

"Please, call me Gary" says Lord Greengrass.

Astoria titters.

Salome Greengrass elbows her husband "Cyrus, call me Cyrus" says Cyrus.

Harry can't help it, and he snorts. Salome and Daphne and Astoria all look like they've heard Cyrus make a joke like this before, and have ceased to find it funny.

Cyrus waves them down and they sit, opposite the Greengrasses.

"So, our children are caught in a dangling marriage contract" rasps Cyrus.

"Our second this month" said Sirius.

Astoria snorts. Cyrus looks peeved. Daphne briefly stops glaring long enough to look surprised, then goes back to glaring.

"We heard about that Riddle Girl. Who are they anyway?" asked Cyrus.

Harry coughs "Voldemort's bastard daughter" he says, as plainly as he can.

Salome speaks up "Well, I can see that would have been unacceptable" she says, in a dignified voice.

Daphne looks like she's trying to skin Harry with eye power alone. Great.

Sirius speaks up "So at present, Harry is my Heir, to Black, and Potter as well."

Cyrus blinks. "Both?" he says, in a tone of incredulity.

"Well, I don't have a wife or children" said Sirius "But that could change"

Daphne gives Sirius a look that makes Harry think she thinks 'not bloody likely.'

He snorts. Daphne glares at him.

Sirius starts again "Now Harry hasn't met Daphne, even though they're both at Hogwarts."

Daphne mouths 'griffindork' silently.

Harry tries to smile but he's feeling terrified.

"So, I assume that from how they're looking at each other, neither is very happy with the contract" said Sirius.

"Daphne is uh.. " said Cyrus

"Ropeable" said Daphne clearly, in an upper class accent.

Salome smiles thinly, as this is clearly more appropriate language than has been used before.

"Well Harry, did say.. that he thought he was a dead man" said Sirius.

"I'm dead. A witch from Slytherin, forced to marry me… I'm a dead man" said Harry, quoting.

Daphne's face brightened up at this admission. Harry noticed that she was actually pretty, when not trying to glare his skin off.

"So, we have a quite standard, unwanted contract. Any exit clauses you can find?" asked Sirius.

"Our lawyers have found it, and it is an old Black contract" said Salome, ominously.

"Oh dear" said Sirius.

"You are familiar with these contracts?" asked Cyrus.

"They have turned up in family discussions before" said Sirius and sighed.

"Is there any way out of it?" asked Harry. Daphne looked very pleased at the question.

"Well, if either of them die, the contract goes dangling again, and as you have two daughters..." said Sirius.

Astoria, who'd been looking fairly amused, suddenly looked horrified.

"And if Harry dies?" asked Cyrus

"My next male heir, probably. The age range allowed in Black contracts is thirty years, with marriage at seventeen"

Both the Greengrass girls looked at Sirius murderously.

"And if either party murders the other, the contract will probably kill the other." said Sirius.

Daphne Greengrass looked very angry. "Father!" she spat.

"Dear, our lawyer is in hospital from trying to read the contract" said Cyrus gently.

"Oh yes, can't be read by uninterested parties." said Sirius offhandedly.

"You seem well informed about these contracts" said Salome.

"Well, my cousin Bellatrix had one with Rudolphus LeStrange." said Sirius.

"Bellatrix LeStrange was contracted into ..." said Daphne Greengrass, looking disgusted.

"Yeah, Bella didn't take well to the contract, and then, well, she went mad." said Sirius

"What?" cried Cyrus.

"If they don't both say I do, and mean it, they get cursed, a compliance curse" said Sirius.

"You Beasts put this contract onto my poor Daphne!" cried Salome.

Harry was horrified. "I'm so sorry" he said.

"So If I don't say I do and love that twit, I'm going to get my mind destroyed!" exclaimed Daphne.

"There is a loophole" said Sirius.

"What, How?" asked Cyrus sharply.

"They have to say I do, and mean it. But they can change the vows they take, by mutual agreement."

"That's a hell of a loophole" said Cyrus.

"How much can you change the vows?" asked Daphne.

"Lets take a look" said Sirius.

Cyrus slid a very large, bulging envelope over to Sirius and he pulled out a hefty bundle of very old parchment.

"This is old" said Sirius.

"Problem?" asked Salome.

"Older than I've seen before…. Oh that's not good. Oh that's awkward….. Oh bugger."

Sirius looked up "This contract has some fixed vows."

"What?" asked Cyrus

"Fidelity Loyalty and Domesticity" said Sirius.

"They have to live together, can't fool around and can't make oaths to others." Sirius explained

"Oaths?" asked Salome.

"Yeah, so they won't be saying "Basil, I love you and swear I'll marry you when Potter dies", because that would be breaking a vow, and that's very painful, or fatal." said Sirius.

"You know this contract?"

"I read fast" said Sirius "And summarise well, It got me EE's at Hogwarts."

Harry looks at his godfather and feels a surge of dislike. What a jammy prat.

"Anything else?" asked Cyrus, clearly equally irritated with his dogfather. Salome looks amused.

"O dear, It's got old-timey pre-marriage clauses." said Sirius, sounding disappointed.

"Pre-marriage?" asked Salome, sounding intrigued.

"Yeah, uh, fidelity, uh, " Sirius stopped reading. "Look, we can change some of this contract by mutual agreement."

"We can?" said Cyrus

"We can't stop it from being a contract, and we can't make it not a marriage contract, but we can take out the more awful clauses." said Sirius.

"We can?" asked Daphne hopefully.

"We can't get rid of the penalty clauses." said Sirius.

"Crap" said Daphne.

"What blondie said" said Harry. Daphne kicked him in the shins, hard. Harry tried not to wince.

"Look, loyalty" said Salome brightly. Daphne looked incredulously at her mother.

"We can take out the er, pre-marriage fidelity clause, and the loyalty clause. We can't take out some of the courting clauses." said Sirius.

"Courting clauses" said Daphne, as if she'd just said "Terminal cancer"

"They have to date a set number of times per month, which is … two , and dine together weekly" said Sirius.

Daphne looked at Harry and mouthed what Harry was pretty sure was 'just kill me'

"And there it is… the gala clause." said Sirius despondently.

"What?" asked Salome.

"At Galas, balls they must be on each others dance cards" said Sirius.

"That doesn't sound so awful" said Salome.

"And if they dance with anyone else, they die." said Sirius. "This is the contract grandmother Black used to scare us kids with."

"You're joking" said Daphne.

"No, I'm always Sirius" said Sirius. "It's a stinker of a clause."

"So hypothetically, If you and Harry were both to die unexpectedly, what would happen ?" asked Daphne.

"Harry's best friend in the entire world, Mad Eye Moody would be very interested."

"Urk" said Daphne.

Cyrus looked at Harry. "How did Harry Potter get to be Mad Eye Moody's best friend?" he asked raspily.

"By saving his life" said Sirius. Cyrus swallowed noisily.

Harry spoke up "What counts as dining together?" he asked.

Sirius flipped pages "The same room at the same time" he said.

Harry laughed then said "Miss Greengrass, may I have the honour of dining with you at Hogwarts in the great hall, I'll be at the Griffindor table, you'll be at Slytherin"

Daphne looked amused "That sounds delightful. Why let us dine together there up to three times a day."

Salome laughed. She had a very pretty laugh, though Harry. Shame her daughter was going to kill him.

"So what counts as a date?" asked Harry.

Sirius flipped backward and forwards "Er, that's harder, they have to be in close proximity, interact and be seen."

"Hmm. Potions?" said Harry.

"No way. You're hopeless, and I'm only getting A's" said Daphne.

"Walks to the black lake?" asked Harry

"Ugh."

"Well, Hogsmeade's right out" said Harry.

"Social death" said Daphne and they nodded in unison.

"Er, if you skip the courting clause… it's … you'll get sick and have to touch." said Sirius.

"Potions?" asked Harry again.

"How close do we have to be?"

"Arms length" said Sirius.

"What if we went for a run in the morning" asked Harry.

"Social suicide." said Daphne

"What if we were in a larger group… a running club" said Harry.

"That could work" said Sirius, reading frantically, after fifteen minutes, he sighed "That will work."

"I'm not that keen on running" said Daphne.

"Well, something" said Harry.

"Choir?" asked Daphne.

"Can't sing." said Harry.

"Gobstones?" said Daphne.

"Okay, that's doable" said Harry.

"Can you two get that close at Gobstones club without social death?" asked Astoria.

"Er, that's a point" said Daphne.

"You'd best get some muggle running shoes and clothes" said Harry.

"Ugh!" said Daphne.

"Um Daphne, do you like to dance?" asked Harry.

"Not particularly..." she replied glibly.

"Well, we just don't dance" said Harry. "Gala clause averted."

"But if I do?" asked Daphne.

"Lets burn the bridge when we come to it" said Sirius.

"This is important. My daughter could Die!" rasped Cyrus.

"Look they just have to …. the old lost bet gambit" said Sirius smiling to himself.

"The what?" asked Salome.

"You claim that as part of some stupid bet, you lost a bet and end up having to dance with someone you detest, in this case, Daphne with Harry."

"Nobody would believe it" said Daphne.

"Carry parchment with the forfeit written out on it." said Sirius.

Cyrus tipped his head sideways a bit and smiled slightly.

"No-one would believe that" said Astoria.

"My cousin used it to dance with her muggleborn boyfriend for years. Till she eloped" said Sirius, and blinked at them all.

The Greengrasses digested this for a bit. Salome looked curious, but didn't speak.

"You need to do some groundwork, make sure everyone knows they dislike each other" said Sirius.

Daphne snorted "That's trivial"

"A teensy bit dangerous, we need to strike the loyalty and fidelity per-marriage clauses before its safe to say for example 'I detest Harry Potter and dancing with him would be the worst forfeit ever.'" said Sirius.

"What ever would anyone use as lost bets?" said Salome.

"Quidditch matches?" asked Harry.

"Honestly, if you're playing, and there aren't Dementors, you're going to win" said Daphne, waving one hand dismissively.

"Pleased you appreciate me" said Harry, nodding.

"Children, be nice, we need to vary the contract before you can safely be obnoxious to each other" said Salome.

"Well at least I don't have to kiss him" said Daphne.

Sirius nodded "That would only be in a really old contract."

"Isn't this one really old?" said Cyrus nervously.

Sirius flicked through it "Here we go… courting clauses… no no no No specific kissing clause."

"Whew" said Astoria.

Daphne snorted.

"Daphne, have I told you how much I love you and want you to be healthy" said Astoria.

Daphne rolled her eyes. Harry laughed.

Sirius was running his finger down the pages and he stopped and snorted. "Oh, that's awkward."

"Awkward" asked Cyrus.

"There's a, er, intimacy clause in the courting clauses." said Sirius.,

"Not..." asked Salome, looking aghast.

"No.. but they've got to swap spit. They've got to hold one another... and laugh." said Sirius.

"Laugh?" said a horrified Salome.

"They just have to make each other laugh" said Sirius.

"Well I can just look at the boy who dorked. I'll laugh" said Daphne.

Harry sighed.

"What's the penalty on that?" asked Cyrus.

"Oh… um , oh that's very creative.. I'd be proud of that myself." said Sirius.

"What?" asked Salome.

"If Harry doesn't make Daphne laugh, she won't taste sweet, and vice versa" said Sirius.

Cyrus snorted "They are the sweetness of each other lives" he rasped. The adults chortled.

"Can you lot stop laughing at my imminent loss of a taste bud" said Harry angrily.

Daphne looked apoplectic "No sweets!" she cried.

"The courting clauses don't kick in till you're fifteen" said Sirius.

"Which of us?" asked Harry.

"Either"

"July 31" said Harry.

"May 12" said Daphne.

"Thanks Daphne, I'm sure" said Harry.

Daphne looked disgusted.

"What about love potions" asked Astoria, rubbing her hands together.

"What?" asked Sirius

"Well, they can take a love potion, do disgusting things, and not hate themselves, and do it again two weeks later." said Astoria.

"A mild love potion" said Salome.

"Amortentia would be right out" said Cyrus.

"Well, really, would it?" asked Sirius.

"What's Amortentia?" asked Harry.

"The most powerful love potion there is" said Cyrus.

"Why the hell would we want to use that?" asked Daphne.

"Because the required dose would be tiny" said Sirius, "And you'd easily comply with all the courting clauses"

"They'd be all over each other. I'm not having that" said Salome.

"Not with a tiny dose." said Sirius thoughtfully.

Daphne and Harry looked thankful.

Sirius sighed "Okay a tiny dose. What do you two think?" he asked.

Harry looked at Daphne, who shrugged "There's no way I'm kissing him voluntarily." she said.

"Oh shit!" said Sirius "Quick, get a quill and change the per-marriage clauses, taking out the fidelity clause" he cried.

"Why" asked Cyrus.

"Because Daphne just swore an oath to not kiss Harry voluntarily." said Sirius.

"Oh… shit, a quill" rasped Cyrus.

The parents found the section, and crossed out the fidelity clause and Sirius and Cyrus initialled it.

"Harry, hold Daphne's hand for about twenty minutes" said Sirius.

"Why?"

"Because otherwise she'll be sick till you do, she violated the now removed fidelity pre-marriage clause"

"Now that they're holding hands, we can get rid of the pre-marriage loyalty clause too" said Sirius.

Sirius found that section, and crossed out the fidelity clause and Sirius and Cyrus initialled it.

"Okay kids you can be obnoxious to each other" said Salome.

"Later" said Daphne.

"I'm never going to like treacle tart ever again" moaned Harry.

Daphne looked dismissive. "Hey Potter, what do you call a man with no brain?" asked Daphne.

"I dunno Daphne, what do you call a man with no brain?" asked Harry.

"Your godfather." she said.

Harry chuckled. Maybe treacle tart wasn't going off the menu.

Harry looked at her face and thought, one day, I''ll be married to her. It made a tiny part of his heart warmer, in a cold sort of way. She seemed like a bit of a bitch, really.

"So the funny thing about Amortentia, is it smells different to everyone" said Cyrus.

Daphne, Astoria and Harry were all surprised.

"Although it's a love potion, if you smell it, you smell your actual love." said Cyrus.

"What?" said Harry.

"So if I smell it, I smell you mother's perfume" rasped Cyrus. Salome held Cyrus's hand.

Astoria mimed vomiting.

Harry chuckled.

"Well, now we can let the children discuss things more freely" said Cyrus.

"He's a moronic halfblood" said Daphne. "My life is ruined"

"I'd never met her" said Harry "But at least I know she hates me, and my life ends on my seventeenth birthday" said Harry faux-cheerfully. He had lots of practice after all.

"My Fifteenth" said Daphne. "After that I have to kiss you, you reject"

Cyrus took a deep breath "Well, this is, not great." he said, sounding very depressed.

Sirius nodded "My cousin screamed all the way to altar. Of course, then she screamed afterwards, but that was because she went insane. Not that she was ever all there to start with..." said Sirius.

Harry and Daphne swallowed and looked pale.

"We need to change the vows" said Harry.

The removable vows were removed.

"So that's what we have to say" said Daphne, reading the page.

"Not for three years" said Harry.

"I hate you" said Daphne.

"I'm sorry this happened" said Harry. "My life's been rubbish, but I'm sorry you're dragged into it"

Daphne looked surprised "You really are sorry, aren't you?" she asked.

"Well of course" said Harry.

Sirius patted Harry on the back "Well said Harry"

"So Potter, why do you only wear school robes, even on weekends?" asked Daphne.

"Harry lived with his Muggle aunt and uncle until I was freed. They didn't like him, and gave him nothing but hand-me-down clothes. So he hasn't been spoiled" said Sirius

Daphne looked from Sirius to Harry and back "But Dumbledore..."

"Isn't exactly our favourite person" said Harry darkly.

"But you're his poster boy" said Cyrus.

Harry shook his head "I swear, he keeps trying to get me killed."

-==0==-

"Sirius, can I have the gun back" asked Harry, sitting in the kitchen.

"What for?" asked Sirius.

"I've got an idea… There are only four Greengrasses, and the gun has ten bullets" said Harry.

"Harry, No!" said Sirius. "You can't solve all your problems by shooting people"

"It would solve all my problems" said Harry grumpily.

"No Harry. No murdering your going-to-be-in-laws. Wait till after you're married like a normal person" said Sirius.

-==0==-

Harry has a perfectly nice time on the Hogwarts express.

Hermione and Ron are pleased to see him, he catches up with Seamus and Dean, and enjoys some sweets and exploding snap with his best friends.

Eventually Hermione descends into a book and Ron and Harry play some more snap.

Harry reaches into his pocket and finds a piece of cardboard. He takes it out and reads it 'Running club'

"Oh yeah, I'm thinking of starting a running club at Hogwarts, we'll go for a run first thing" said Harry.

"Seems a bit… early for that" said Ron.

"That seems like a great idea Harry, physical fitness is very important"

"You joining, Hermione?"

"I, um… Okay" she says.

"Cool, I'll put some signs up around school tomorrow" said Harry.

"Harry, are you going to make it an open club?" asked Hermione.

"Well, why not. School unity and all that" said Harry.

Draco Malfoy turns up for his annual on-train bullying attempt.

"You're back, you stinky glory thief" says Draco Malfoy.

"Sorry Draco, yes I am" says Harry, looking back at his card game.

"You can't just ignore me!" says Draco.

"Draco, I had two adults try to kill me last year. A bit of verbal abuse from the Heir to the Malfoy name, really, you're not so bad"

Draco doesn't know quite what to think at this statement.

"You'll get yours" says Draco.

"Draco, as you may have heard, I got captured by a dangling Black marriage contract. So my life is already ruined, and there's a special witch who wants me to die of natural causes before her fifteenth birthday. Really, you're going to hex me painfully and call me names. Big effing deal"

Hermione and Ron look at Harry incredulously.

"Do neither of you read the paper" Harry said.

"I thought you got out of the contract with that Delphini girl" said Hermione.

"She was never a threat. She's a bastard daughter of a halfblood, so Sirius tore up the contract"

Draco Malfoy's mouth opened and shut.

Ron looked up at Draco "I think you broke him, Harry"

"Marriage contracts are a barbaric" said Hermione.

"Yes they are" said Harry. "And involuntary for everyone in my case"

Draco Malfoy left, looking at Harry briefly, with a look of, was that pity?.

-==0==-

Harry casually left the compartment later. Ron and Hermione ignored him. After all, it's a nine hour trip. People take breaks.

Harry exited the bathroom, and bumped backwards into someone. He turned around and saw a distressingly familiar blonde with blue eyes. "Potter" hissed Daphne Greengrass.

"Hi Daphne" said Harry, smiling weakly, trying not to show fear. Maybe she wouldn't attack.

Miss Greengrass doesn't hit Harry, just said "If you think I'll tolerate being 'bumped into' or dragged into bathrooms, you've got another thing coming."

"It was an accident" said Harry.

"See it stays that way" she said, and swept off stylishly. She's rather cool when she does that, thought Harry's traitorous mind.

-==0==-

Term starts with the surprise announcement that Professor Moody is back for a second year "I wasn't here last year, that was a Death eater polyjuiced as me" says Moody in his introductory speech. By Hogwarts standards, a pretty upbeat start to the year.

Harry is surprised, when after the announcements, a group of students led by Professor Flitwick go up to the platform high table sits on and form three rows.

Harry avoids staring at a certain blonde Slytherin, who is in the back row.

The ones in the front row are holding toads, and some more students are holding musical instruments.

They start to play a boppy tune, and then the group sings. It's a witchey song, about bubbling cauldrons and trouble, and rather catchy, and Harry enjoys it.

Judging by the applause, so does most of the school. She really can sing.

After the singers depart back to their tables, Professor Moody winked at him from the high table.

"Harry, are you really stuck in another marriage contract" asked Hermione, after the first course.

"Yes mother" said Harry.

"Who is it?" she asked, slapping his arm.

"I'm not saying. We don't know each other, don't like each other and we have to get married. We have three years left, then..." said Harry.

"Blimey" said Ron "You have the worst luck Harry"

"There has to be some way out of the contract, maybe I can research it and help" said Hermione.

"Hermione, listen carefully. The contract is cursed , and if you read it, you'd end up in St Mungos."

Hermione looked horrified. "That's awful"

"Not as bad as having to marry someone you don't love" said Ron.

Hermione gave Ron a look that seemed oddly approving. Harry resolved to remember the time when Ron said something Hermione approved of fully. He suspected it might not happen again soon.

Harry took a poster for the running club to Professor McGonagall during her office hours and she enthusiastically approved.

"Harry, this is very good. I will see that this notice gets put on every noticeboard. If you keep this sort of behaviour up, you might be made Prefect next year."

Harry wasn't sure being prefect was compatible with sneaking round having adventures, but maybe this year would be quieter.

-==0==-

The first Thursday saw the running club's first meeting, in the front hall, at eight.

Harry tightened his running shoe's laces and looked out the narrow window at the day. It was typical Scottish weather, and summer was ending. Harry zipped up his windbreaker.

Hermione stood nervously, in a tracksuit and trainers. "I hope I don't get stitch" she said.

After a while, students appeared, some wearing muggle running gear, others in what Harry assumed were wizarding exercise robes.

After his new watch said it was ten past, Harry spoke up "Okay, it's time to start off. We're running down to the lake, round once and back. We'll be going easily, and it's okay for people new to running to go slow."

"Who made you the boss of this club?" asked a seventh year.

"I started it, but if someone else want to organise it, please, feel free" said Harry, turning back to the group. "Come on. Lets run."

Harry ignored the grumbles and set off slowly down the hill. He tried not to look out for a certain blonde Slytherin. He figured he'd go slowly, end up in the new runners bunch and accidentally run with her.

A group of seventh years blew past Harry laughing. Harry thought they were the Hufflepuff Quidditch beaters maybe.

Someone female fell in beside him and jogged along. "Hi Hermione" said Harry, then looked over. It wasn't Hermione. It was Daphne Greengrass, in a neat green tracksuit with silver piping. "Potter" she said.

"Greengrass" he said.

"Did you have to start it on the first week back" she complained.

"We only have till your birthday to make this a routine" he replied.

"Daphne" said Hermione, pulling alongside. Hermione must have been doing some exercise, because she wasn't puffing that badly. Then again, neither was Daphne.

"Granger" said Daphne, like she knew Hermione.

"You know Greengrass?" asked Harry, pushing his luck.

"Runes" said Hermione.

"Arithmancy" said Daphne.

"Some of us take subject that aren't easy O's" said Hermione.

Daphne snorted.

"Did he really?" asked Daphne.

"He got the idea from Ron." said Hermione.

"Dunderheads" said Daphne, in a very Snape-like tone.

Hermione laughed. Clearly Hermione had friends in classes Harry didn't take. Harry wasn't sure what to think about that. Harry didn't have extra friends in classes Hermione didn't take.

After getting a quarter of the way around the lake, Harry felt warmed up and was disturbed to hear one of the sixth year boys, who were tailing the sixth year girls, Harry noticed, say "Potter starts the club and can't even run."

Harry thought 'Right, that's enough,' took deeper breaths and started to really run. Like in the bad old days of Harry hunting. He shot past the sixth year groups, noticing that the girls were really um, developed and carried on around the lake. He picked up his pace and started to get hot, so unzipped his windbreaker, and tied it around his waist. Feeling the run, he kept running, and when he got to the path back to Hogwarts, continued for another lap.

He caught up to the slow moving group of learners as they nearly reached the path back to Hogwarts, and though he was getting sweaty and starting to tire out, he kept running up the path.

"Bloody showoff" said someone loudly behind him.

Harry was slowing down to cool down by the time he got to the entrance hall. He stood, panting, hands on bent knees feeling more alive than he had in ages.

Some of the faster runners were hanging around the hall

"Pooped from one lap Potter, you're not much of a runner" said a young man in an open tracksuit; Harry thought he was a Ravenclaw maybe.

"Two laps" he panted.

The Ravenclaw? looked green at this and wandered off.

"Two laps eh?" said one of the, must be seventh years "Think we'll have a group for real runners"

"I'll keep pace with the slow ones" said Harry, panting "Give them help"

"You noble little squirt" said the Seventh year "Pembroke Beedle, no relation, Head boy." Pembroke held out his hand.

Harry stood up straight, and shook Pembroke's hand. "Sorry I'm sweaty" said Harry.

"Good work starting the club. Keep up the good work" said Pembroke and sauntered off. Harry noticed Beedle was tall and handsome. Bloody seventh years.

Harry stayed, tired and sweaty in the entrance hall until the slowest of the students he'd lapped came in.

"Harry!" said Hermione, sweaty in her tracksuit "You did two laps, you showoff"

"I just wanted to run" said Harry.

Daphne Greengrass walked past on the way to the dungeons, sweaty and tired and looked at Harry like she wanted him dead. Because she did.

-==0==-

Professor Moody held Harry back after class.

He spelled the door shut and then asked "Potter, Where's your gun?"

"In storage. I figure with Voldemort contained, I'm a lot safer, and the gun is hard to hide, and if someone found it..." said Harry.

"Yes, that would be a problem. You're going to practice fighting with a magic instead, twice a week. After dinner."

"I have Quidditch practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays"

"So Mondays and Wednesdays it is, my office. Eight pm. Sharp"

Harry nodded "Thanks Professor"

"Are you really cursed by a marriage contract Potter?" asked Professor Moody.

"Yes sir."

"Well, who is it?" asked Professor Moody.

"Daphne Greengrass, Slytherin"

"huh, you could do worse" said Professor Moody.

"The first one was Voldemort's daughter!" cried Harry.

"Well, that was pretty unlucky, but you got out, and I caught wee miss Riddle."

"What !"

"Well, lets just say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" said the Professor.

"So she was evil?"

"Like a miniature Bellatrix LeStrange"

"Er, that's my aunt, and I think it was the marriage contract that drove her mad" said Harry.

"Huh, you didn't arrest her over and over again at Hogsmeade like I did for fighting. She was a mean, angry young woman" said Professor Moody.

Harry's testicles tried to retract spontaneously into his body.

"Don't you worry. Every few generations someone gets caught by a dangling contract. They do fine" said Professor Moody.

"She hates me" said Harry.

"So what. You're not going to get lovey hugs and kisses. She'll be on your side, guarding your back." said Professor Moody

"Hardly romantic is it?" said Harry.

"Romance, pish. If you took her out to dinner at a nice restaurant, and chatted you couldn't tell the difference" said Professor Moody

"But feelings" said Harry, angstily.

"You're fourteen. You'll get feelings alright. And then you'll get older, and get over them. At least your beat Voldemort. You only have to worry about the usual suspects now."

"Can I go now?" asked Harry.

"Sure you can, you poor wee boy" laughed Professor Moody.

Telling Professor Moody about the whole Greengrass situation was looking less and less like a good idea. He just wasn't sympathetic at all!

-==0==-

Harry took the train back to London at Christmas.

Hermione sat opposite him, wearing a woolly jumper with a snowflake a pattern and reading.

Ron had found the lure of the castle over Christmas, and infinite food, irresistible. All the Weasleys were staying, so Harry surmised that the Weasley parents might want to get value for money from their education.

After an hour on the train, Hermione looked up, cast a locking charm on the door and said

"So who is she?"

"Who is who, Hermione?" asked Harry.

"The witch you're contracted to"

"Can we not do this" said Harry. "I don't like her, she hates me, we can't get out of it."

"Harry?"

"What, Hermione?"

"Is there another witch you'd rather be with" she asked.

"Not really" said Harry.

Hermione's eyes did a … thing.

"I still like you Hermione, you're my best friend" said Harry.

"Best friend?"

"Well, Ron's my best mate, but he's not my best friend" said Harry.

"I'm your best friend" asked Hermione.

Of course Hermione. You're like the sister I never had" said Harry sincerely.

Hermione gave Harry a watery smile and raised her book.

He didn't hear anything out of her all the way to Kings Cross. 'Must be a good book' he thought.

-==0==-

Kings cross, Platform 9 3/4

Sirius grabbed him, hugged him and said "Come on, Christmas shopping to do"

"What" asked Harry

"Well you need to buy Miss Greengrass something, and I need to buy her family something."

"I suppose so"

"You suppose so. We're going there for Christmas lunch"

Harry's heart fell "Not with her..."

"Oh you two will get over it" said Sirius. "Once the snogging starts, you'll soon both be gagging for it."

-==0==-

Christmas dinner was awkward.

Sirius and Harry sat at one end of the table, and Daphne was forced to sit next to Harry.

"Greengrass" said Harry, trying not to seem as irritated as he was.

"Potter" she said, clearly working on her skinning with a glare skills.

She elbowed him in the ribs when he was reaching for the parsnips.

He 'accidentally' elbowed her when she reached for the yorkshire puddings.

The glared at one another.

After dinner, they exchanged gifts.

Daphne had got him a forearm wand holster… which was actually a great present, come to think of it.

"Thank you, this is great" said Harry honestly. Daphne looked at him sideways.

Harry felt terrible, because he'd only got Daphne a box of chocolates and a book on runes.

She opened the parcel and looked surprised. "Chocolates from DeThierry's and Strowager's On Exchange runes"

"I'm sorry" said Harry.

Daphne looked up "This is a… great gift, Harry" she said, straining over saying Harry.

She settled down on the couch with the chocolates and swatted Astoria's hand when she tried to take one. "These are from DeThierry's, and they are mine. Get your own"

Harry retreated to Sirius, who was watching , looking amused "Sirius, why didn't we just get Honeydukes"

"Because DeThierry's are a fancy french brand, and your Daphne clearly appreciates them"

Daphne was currently nibbling a chocolate, while reading the book on runes.

"You set me up" accused Harry.

"Harry, you can give a girlfriend Honeydukes, keep it in the cupboard, but to really impress a witch, you pull out the stops and buy something more exclusive. Though as you'll never have an ordinary girlfriend, you can skip the whole Honeydukes thing."

"No he can't" said Daphne loudly "I expect to be supplied with essentials, like Honeydukes and sugar quills!"

"Good thing you can go to Hogsmeade to stock up" said Sirius, winking at Harry. Harry rolled his eyes.

"What is it with witches and Sugar quills" said Harry.

"Harry, don't wonder. Just supply your betrothed and bask in her love" said Sirius.

Daphne stared at Sirius, and Harry wondered again when she would master magically skinning by glaring. Fairly soon, he guessed.

Harry got dragged off by Astoria for a chat

"So, what do you like?"

"Flying, quidditch, um… exploding snap, exploring the castle." said Harry.

"Well Daphne likes hating you, telling mother and father how much she hates the contract, and you, and some other boring things, like horse riding, Gobstones and choir."

"Gobstones" said Harry incredulously.

"She's very competitive" said Astoria. "Won't stop till she's won."

"uhuh. The choir thing was very good"

"She's been in it since first year. Some years they put on actual performances in the great hall". They're doing one this year, she's been talking about it"

"When is it" asked Harry.

"June" said Astoria.

"Oh" said Harry despondently.

"What?" asked Astoria.

"After her birthday" explained Harry.

"You'd better get her something good for her birthday, especially as she has to kiss you after that"

"That's why, oh."

"Are you two really going to use the love potion?

"It's that or hex one another" said Harry.

-==0==-

Daphne approached Harry near the end of the visit.

"Potter, we need to organise a way to meet"

"uh, yeah" said Harry, and checked his watch. 'About time' he thought.

"Well, do you have an idea?" she asked.

Harry grabbed one of her long blonde hairs, and quickly pulled it. She started "Ow" she said, surprised.

Harry took a vial of potion out , dropped in the hair, which made the potion fizz and turn to gold. Harry swigged it. Wow. Tastes… delicious… abso-bloody-lutely delicious. You could literally sell this stuff, even if it wasn't Amortentia.

"Potter, did you just dose yourself with love potion?" said Daphne incredulously.

"Amortentia. Drunk directly… " Harry's eyes crossed. He blinked "It's very effective. Have I said before, how very beautiful you are Miss Greengrass"

Daphne looked conflicted. "Potter… I don't think..."

"Oh I figure, with chocolates will have taken effect any minute now" said Harry.

Daphne blinked. "If you think I'd fall for a ridiculous trick like potioned chocolates, well ,you wouldn't get far in Slytherin"

"Yes, so one ingredient on the book, and the other in the chocolates" said Harry; noticing that Daphne's eyes had grown very dilated.

"Potter, find myself wondering, just what is kissing all about?" asked Daphne.

Harry clamped himself to Daphne and they kissed; poorly, passionately, and with some giggling.

"If this is just a potion, I will be hexing you into a girl later" said Daphne.

"Oh, are you into girls?" asked Harry, licking her earlobe. Daphne groaned "Potter, no. No. Don't stop!"

"To meet up, go to a abandoned classroom and wait there, I'll turn up" said Harry.

"How would you know that?" she asked, licking Harry's neck. Harry squeaked. "That tickles!"

"I just… look I have a magical map of Hogwarts I inherited from my father. It shows everyone, so I if I see you in an abandoned classroom, I'll come." moaned Harry, nuzzling her hair.

"People will see you coming" said Daphne, giving Harry a hickey.

"No they won't, I have a cloak of invisibility from my father." said Harry, then he kissed her, again.

"Nonsense, your invisibility cloak would be gone soft by now." said Daphne, when they broke for breath. "Oh I meant worn out" she corrected herself.

Harry pulled the cloak out of his robe pocket and pulled it on.

"That's amazing" said Daphne with wonder, as Harry wasn't there. Harry flicked it over Daphne.

"Instant privacy" said Harry. Daphne pulled her collar down and Harry kissed as directed.

"Uh.. Potter, stop. We can't do this here" groaned Daphne. "My parents might hear"

Harry took off the cloak and put it away.

"Now you can't tell anyone about the map or the cloak" said Harry, doing his shirt up.

"Of course, family magic" said Daphne, matter-of-factly, doing her shirt up.

"I'd like a method that worked better" she said.

"We could use owls" said Harry.

"Please, your owl is very beautiful, but rather distinctive."

"Hedgwig. Her name is Hedgwig." said Harry.

Daphne smirked "The other woman in your life, or rather the other other woman."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you need to let Granger down gently."

"Granger, you mean Hermione?" said Harry, confused. "She was asking me I if had some other witch I fancied other than being contracted to you on the train too"

Daphne's eyes narrowed briefly

"I told her no." said Harry.

"And how did she take that?"

"It was a bit odd, but I reassured her that she's my best friend, really she's like a sister to me"

Daphne's face blanked. "You said that to her?"

"Well she's been like a sister to me for years. My second friend, really better than Ron"

"Well, I see" said Daphne.

"Then she got all caught up in her book for the rest of the trip" said Harry.

Daphne looked at him oddly, then kissed him, and walked off back to her book and chocolates.

-==0==-

The trip back to school was noisy, with everyone showing off their presents.

Hermione seemed preoccupied with books again. Harry wondered why she was interested in him. After all he was Daphne's.

-==0==-

Harry and Daphne made a habit of running with Hermione in Running club.

Harry ran with Hermione and Daphne ran with Hermione.

A little jostling on corners and they managed to stay within arms length.

-==0==-

A few weeks into term, Harry received a heavy book sized parcel from Sirius.

He took care to open it in his bed, with the curtains closed just in case.

It was a pair of mirrors and a letter.

'Harry, these are communications mirrors. You hold it, and say the name of the other person, and their mirror heats up. We used to use them to talk between detentions and organise pranks. I think you said you needed a way to contact Daphne and vice versa. The one with a stag on it is called Prongs, and the other one is with the awesome grim is called Padfoot. I was going to keep one, but your need is greater, what with the contract starting to really bite after Daphne's birthday.

When you get called, the mirror heats up.

Good luck and enjoy the kissing.

'

It took a day or so, but Harry managed to slip Daphne a note to meet in the second classroom on the third floor after dinner on Saturday.

-==0==-

"Well what?" she asked, sitting on a desk.

"I've got a way for us to communicate quickly" explained Harry.

Harry explained about the communications mirrors.

"These are very rare" said Daphne.

"Well, if you need me, just call prongs" said Harry.

'"And you'll see whatever the mirror sees and hear it?" asked Daphne.

"Yes" said Harry

"Well, I wonder when a poor lonely girl like me might use it, probably all wrapped up in by big four poster bed with the curtains shut." said Daphne.

Harry swallowed.

"I hope you're good at following verbal directions" said Daphne. Harry's mind blanked.

"Now, I believe you dosed us with with Amortentia?" she asked.

"Both of us. It seemed a logical thing to do. We might as well enjoy our fates" said Harry.

"Are you aware that it's not permanent?" asked Daphne, tilting her head, and smiling.

"I, uh , did not know that" said Harry.

"And now, we have an opportunity for you to beg for mercy" said Daphne cheerily.

"Oh" said Harry, seeing pain in his future.

"Well, Harriet, lets see what this spell does?" said Daphne and she cast a yellow spell on Harry. The spell rebounded straight back and hit Daphne. It crackled and fizzed over her body. "Ow" she said, in a very girly tone.

"What was that, by the way?" asked Harry.

"A change to female curse. It should not have rebounded. And It should not have affected me."

"Well, maybe you're going to be extra girly now." said Harry.

Daphne got up and flounced over to Harry. "You know, I think I am" she said, and kneed Harry in the balls.

Harry fell over in a private universe of pain.

-==0==-

The day after Daphne's birthday, they met in an abandoned classroom.

"So this is it" said Harry nervously.

"yes"

"Do you want to use the potion" asked Harry.

"No" said Daphne. "I want to get this over and done with, and not..."

Daphne started to cry.

"What's wrong?" asked Harry.

"You're what's wrong. MY first kiss, and it was with you and you used a potion on me. I don't even like you" she cried.

"I'm sorry" said Harry. "It seemed like the only way to survive"

"You're always sorry!" said Daphne angrily.

"Well I am, it's not like it was the first kiss I wanted either" said Harry.

"We'll start by hugging." said Daphne with a sigh.

Harry walked right up to Daphne and they hugged awkwardly.

"Now, we ruin our second kiss" said Daphne.

Daphne turned her head sideways a bit and leaned in.

Their lips touched. It felt odd. Daphne smelt of peppermint.

Daphne broke the kiss and sighed "And now we have to swap spit."

Harry felt dubious and it must have showed on his face.

"Oh come on I'm not hideous" said Daphne.

"No, you're very pretty actually" said Harry, unthinkingly.

Daphne startled, pulled away from Harry.

"Are you getting weird?" asked Daphne "Are you potioned again?"

"We have to kiss and swap spit. In two years we get married . This all weird." said Harry.

Daphne sighed, and leaned forwards.

Harry leaned forward a little and their lips touched. Steeling himself, he stuck out his tongue, and after an awkward moment of pressing his tongue against Daphne's lips, she opened her lips and he got the oddest feeling. After a moment, he pulled his tongue back, and withdrew.

"That was weird" he said.

"You were a typical man. Penetrating the innocent woman" said Daphne.

Harry felt terrible. He went pale. "I'm sorry, I.. um, we … oh bother." he said.

"And if you think I'm doing that you you!" said Daphne.

"Oh you have to next time, it's your turn." said Harry, dropping the loose hug.

"Ew!" explained Daphne.

"There's always the potions" said Harry.

"What if we ended up doing.. stuff" asked Daphne.

"Er, no that's gross." said Harry. The snog at Christmas was weird, his memory coloured by the potions. He remembered kissing Daphne, and loving her while he did it. He did not feel anything but afraid of her now.

"Says the boy that swapped spit." said Daphne harshly.

"I happen to want to taste sweet things" said Harry.

"That's laughing, you have to make me laugh."

"Whats the penalty for the spit than?" asked Harry

"We get sick and have to hold one another to get better"

"Okay… like I said, two weeks, your turn to do the tongue." said Harry, upset.

"Why are you so upset."

"I really like treacle tart" said Harry.

"Not for much longer, besides, Tiramisu's miles better" said Daphne.

"Tira-what?"

"It's an Italian desert, made of cream, chocolate, coffee cream cake, all in layers"

"And it's sweet?"

"Well, not soon, mister un-funny" said Daphne.

"Ditto" said Harry.

"I am so funny"

"Prove it?"

"What do you call a man with no brain" said Daphne.

Harry snorted.

Daphne put her nose in the air.

Harry started to leave

"What about me?" asked Daphne.

"Well, I don't think you need to be any sweeter, princess" said Harry.

Daphne scowled and drew her wand. Her spell faltered as she cast it.

Acting on instinct, Harry cast a tickling curse on Daphne.

Her wand dropped and she jerked about, snorting, then laughing.

Harry stopped the charm.

"A tickling curse! you hit me with a crappy tickling curse!"

"And you laughed!" said Harry.

"Why you!" she said and hit Harry with a tickling charm.

She left the spell on and Harry, after snorting, laughing, slid down to the floor and rolled uncomfortably. "Take it off" Harry begged, his eyes watering.

Daphne lowered her wand.

"You've worked it out" said Daphne.

"You showed me. Can't curse me, not really, can you"

Daphne tried to cast a stinging hex, and it failed.

"Sit down on the floor" said Harry.

"Why?" asked Daphne

"So I can try a stunner" said Harry simply.

"No I'm not getting my robes dirty sitting on the floor." said Daphne.

Harry pointed his wand at a chair, summoned it closer, and scourgify'd it clean.

"A chair" he said.

Daphne sat down carefully.

Harry shot a stunner at Daphne and she slumped, unconscious.

Harry leaned over and groped her breasts. "Ohhh. Boobs" he groaned.

A quick 'rennervate' and she was awake. "That's quite unpleasant" she said.

"But we know the limitations of the contract. We can't injure each other, but we can stun, and tickle" said Harry… 'Boobs. I felt boobs' he thought. Boobs.

"If we Ever have to duel in public, you'd better use stunners" said Daphne.

"Understood. But the tickling curse is a neat loophole for the laughing clause" said Harry.

"I'm not so sure it's accidental" muttered Daphne.

"What?" said Harry, still thinking about boobs.

"Well, I can make you laugh, you just aren't funny." said Daphne blandly.

"My Sirius joke worked." said Harry.

"your dirty joke about your godfather"

"Yes, after all, he turns into a dog, then he goes in the corner and licks his..."

Daphne snorted.

"All our jokes are about your godfather" said Daphne.

"He's larger than life." said Harry. Boobs he'd touched boobs, dangerous boobs that the owner of which would probably neuter him if they found out he'd touched them… in hindsight, the grope had been a bad idea.

"What about your dad with "Call me Gary" asked Harry.

Daphne glared at him "That is funny once. He does it over and over again"

Harry snorted, "like Sirius and his "I am Sirius" line.

Daphne frowned

"You ask him if he's joking and he says. "No I'm Sirius'"

Daphne groaned "Not funny"

"Only once, and you've already heard it twice" said Harry.

"I think it's because he's less funny than me, just like you are" said Daphne.

"Less funny than you?" said Harry.

"What do you call a man with no brain?" asked Daphne.

Harry snorted.

"See, I'm naturally funny, you and Sirius are not." said Daphne, smiling.

"It's lucky for you I'm good at the tickling curse then" said Harry, with a tiny grin.

Daphne frowned and left.

-==0==-

By a freak accident, the next day, Harry Potter was just about to step onto a staircase when a misfired tickling curse dropped him on the the staircase. He rolled painfully down two flights of stairs, and was taken to the infirmary. Although he broke many bones, with magical treatment he was readily, if painfully cured. He was released the next day, sore all over.

-==0==-

By a freak accident, the very next day, Harry Potter was just about to step onto a staircase when a misfired tickling curse dropped him on the the staircase. He rolled painfully down two flights of stairs, and was taken to the infirmary. He was released the next day, and walked with a pronounced limp for a week.

Deputy Headmistress McGonagall made an investigation, suspicious that Harry Potter had a new secret enemy, but found no signs.

-==0==-

By a freak accident, the next day, Daphne Greengrass was just about to step onto a staircase when something mysteriously knocked her over. She rolled painfully down two flights of stairs, and was taken to the infirmary. She was released the next day.

McGonagall suspected there was a new poltergeist forming, more malicious than Peeves.

-==0==-

Slightly less than One week later.

In a disused classroom.

"So, ready?" said Harry.

"Have you cleaned your teeth?" asked Daphne.

Harry looked guilty.

"The charm is recens spiritus, just point your wand in your mouth."

Harry casts the spell and it's faintly tingly in his mouth.

He stares pointedly at Daphne.

She huffs and casts the spell.

They advance and hug loosely.

"Remember, you do the tongue" said Harry.

Daphne stand there.

"Hey, the kiss?"

"You're the boy. You lean forwards"

"Oh no. equality in all things. I did it last time, you do it this time."

Daphne blinked at him "Equality in all things?"

"Oh course, how else"? said Harry.

Daphne leaned forwards and kissed Harry, and for a moment, it wasn't weird, then the tongue thing. And the spit, and she leaned back.

Harry let go and stepped back.

"Now, if you could make me laugh, Miss Greengrass." asked Harry.

"What do you call a man with no brain?" asked Daphne.

Harry snorted.

"Like hexing fish in a barrel" she said sourly.

"How's the tiramisu?" asked Harry.

"The elves only make it infrequently" she said.

"So do you need a laugh?" he asked.

"Get on with it" she said crossly. "I had to use three sugars in my tea this morning."

"How do you find an old man in the dark?" asked Harry.

"huh"

"It's not hard" said Harry.

Daphne stared for a second, then went pink and snorted.

"Where did you get that?" she said.

"Dorm. I just asked for someone to tell a joke" said Harry, smiling.

Daphne shook her head. "That was awful"

"Oh, that's a nice joke, Seamus told me a limerick, and it's too dirty to repeat"

Daphne's eyes grew large as saucers.

"I couldn't tell it to a girl" said Harry, blushing and shaking his head.

"That bad?" she asked.

"Worse" said Harry.

-==0==-

Harry sneaked, invislbe down to the Kitchens of Hogwarts and called out to Dobby.

"Dobby" said Harry.

After a while, Dobby the house elf, looking a bit embarrassed walked over on his floppy bare feet.

"Of Great, Majestic Harry Potter Sir, what can I do for you?"

"Can you deliver special meals to students?" asked Harry.

"We might have to do that already, Great wise Harry Potter sir" said Dobby.

"Oh,well , could you make sure Daphne Greengrass in Slytherin house gets Tiramisu at least once a week for desert?" asked Harry.

"Dobby can make sure Miss Greengrass gets tiramisu every night" said Dobby.

"Er, twice a week Dobby. Twice a week."

"A large serving?"

"Oh… a normal serving" said Harry, visions of his cousin Dudley stuffing cake in his mouth, filling him with horror.

The year dragged on.

Daphne Greengrass mysteriously got a small bowl of Tiramisu twice a week.

Harry Potter seemed to be victim of mysterious magical attacks, that always left him hospitalised. After the second incident with a suit of armour almost accidentally neutering Harry with a halberd, Madam Pomfrey had issued him with a gentleman's protector.

-==0==-

Harry confronted Daphne in a small classroom, when they met for their fortnightly joke, hugging and kissing session.

"Daphne, I suspect you are behind the series of nearly lethal or neutering attacks on me" said Harry.

Daphne blinked and looked innocent "Why, whatever give you that impression?" she said.

"Motive" said Harry bluntly. "You have the most motive of anyone in the castle. It can't be Voldemort, because he's retired."

"If I was responsible, why should I stop?" said Daphne, raising her eyebrows.

"Because I can stop your Tiramisu ration" said Harry.

"My WHAT!" said Daphne indignantly.

"Your mysterious twice-a-week dish of your very favourite desert that before this year, the house elves only made infrequently?" said Harry.

"You? You're supplying the Tiramisu?" asked Daphne, looking distraught.

"I know one of the house elves very well" said Harry. "He's making it and serving to to you because I asked"

"Oh" said Daphne, looking at the floor.

Silence

"How do you know you-know-who's retired?" asked Daphne.

"I just do" said Harry. "I'll tell you more… after.. you know."

Daphne's kiss lingered fractionally that night.

-==0==-

OWLs loomed.

Hermione started to lose it.

Harry found running every morning was good.

He was running along when he looked over and found himself admiring Daphne's running body.

She was getting more curves in interesting places. 'Snap out it' he thought, and sped up.

Half term came and all the fifth years stayed at Hogwarts, cramming.

Harry's mirror heated up

He dashed up the stairs from the common room to his dorm and answered "Hi" into the mirror.

Daphne glared at him through the tiny frame "Room 31 on level four. I can't taste sugar, and I feel like I'm coming down with something."

Harry recovered his books and notes and bolted out the portrait hole.

He made good time, the school halls were free of traffic and once he got to the fourth floor he pulled on his cloak.

Daphne was standing in room 31, which had a surprising set of metal benches instead of desks.

"Hello" he said, taking off the cloak.

"A joke. Now!"

"Why do mice have little balls?" Harry asked.

Daphne frowned.

"Because they like to dance" he finished.

She looked at him darkly.

"Why did the widow wear black garters?"

Daphne rolled her eyes.

"In memory of those who had passed beyond" said Harry.

She snorted.

"I broke my finger last week" said Harry.

Daphne shrugged

"On the other hand, I'm okay" he said.

She snorted again. "Your dorm mates are terrible jokers"

"What do you call a pony with a cough?" asked Harry.

She shrugged.

"A little hoarse." said Harry.

She snorted again "Potter, you're sad"

Harry walked over and held her gently. She sighed.

"I'd like a real hug, a real kiss, from a real boyfriend, not you, not because of a cursed contract"

"Well, we don't always get what we want in life Daphne." said Harry, and kissed her gently.

"Hey, you didn't do the spit"

Harry reached up with one hand, held the back of Daphne's head and kissed her firmly, with tongue.

He released her and she stared at him "That was a bit.. much" she said.

"Compared with what we did on potions, that was pretty chaste." said Harry.

"Our lives suck" said Daphne.

"How's revision going?" asked Harry.

"Fine" said Daphne.

"So not great then" said Harry.

"Potions is hard to revise" said Daphne.

"Come on, notes out" said Harry, sitting down.

Daphne reluctantly sat down.

They left two hours later, both less confused about OWL potions.

-==0==-

Harry met Daphne for potions revision the next night.

They worked for three hours. Finally, Daphne broke the dam of silences punctuated with "what's the answer to this"

"Do you have any plans Harry, for your life?" she asked.

"Well I'm rich enough to afford things. I'll get a job doing gardening or something to pay for food, I've got a house somewhere, I think. I'm good."

"What about me?" asked Daphne.

"Well, you're only a girl, so you don't eat much..." said Harry, yelping as he got poked in the ribs.

"Seriously, Can you support me?" she asked.

"I've got a vault full of gold and I'm heir to Sirius. I could get a proper job, I suppose." said Harry.

"You haven't thought about life at all?" asked Daphne.

"I wasn't expecting to have one. He-who-shall-not-be-named kept trying to kill me. The Basilisk alone nearly did."

"Basilisk?"

"Killed one in the Chamber of secrets" said Harry.

"Is it still there?" asked Daphne.

"Probably, only I can open the chamber" said Harry.

"You're the Heir of Slytherin?" asked Daphne, backing away, eyes wide.

"I'm an heir, maybe. Lord you-know-who was in charge of the Basilisk." said Harry.

"Basilisk venom is incredibly valuable" said Daphne. "We sell potion ingredients. We can never get Basilisk venom"

"Well, I suppose we could see.." said Harry.

"Now?" asked Daphne.

"Why not, it'll only take an hour or so. We need to take a broom." said Harry.

Harry gave Daphne the cloak and went back to Griffindor tower and got his broom.

When he emerged from the portrait hole, he said softly "You there?"

Daphne replied from behind him "That's Griffindor tower, what a dump" she said dismissively, robe pockets hanging heavy.

"Did you steal from the Griffindor dorms?" asked Harry.

"You don't really want to know the answer to that" said Daphne.
Harry led the way to Myrtles bathroom.

"Moaning Myrtles bathroom" said Daphne.

"Yeah the chamber entrance is here" said Harry. "heshpeshesh" he hissed.

Daphne squeaked when the sink opened. "You… the…." she said, staring at Harry, then at the hole.

"Yeah, so now we slide" said Harry.

The Basilisk in the chamber was long, green and dead.

The cool temperatures or perhaps the magical nature of the beast had preserved it.

"It's like it died yesterday" said Daphne.

"Oh this brings back bad memories" said Harry, starting to breathe fast and shallowly.

"How did you kill it anyway?" she asked.

"I rammed the sword of Godric Griffindor up through it's brain." said Harry, blinking. The night's adventure was coming back to him, and a cold sweat to go with it.

"How do you do that without getting bitten?" she asked.

"I don't know. Phoenix tears heal almost everything." said Harry, really wishing he was somewhere else.

Daphne looked at Harry "bullshit"

Harry pulled up his sleeve "See, here's the scar" he said.

"Well how can we get this to my Father?" asked Daphne, gulping. Potter was a walking compendium of disasters.

"I've got an idea." said Harry.

"Dobby!" Harry called.

Dobby appeared, wearing a woolly hat and a jersey.

"Master Harry Potter sir, Such a great wizard you are, So glad to see you Dobby is." said Dobby.

"Dobby, can you move this snake to Daphne Greengrasses father"

"Greenygrasses, Dobby knows them" nodded Dobby.

Daphne frowned "Why do you have a Malfoy house-elf?"

Dobby turned and berated Daphne "Dobby is a Free Elf, Dobby works for Hogwarts and gets paid, and works for Mister Harry Potter, and gets paid for that too" said Dobby, and put his hands on his hips.

"Dobby, this is Daphne Greengrass. We're engaged, I guess. So one day we'll be married" said Harry.

"Master Harry Potter is so Great. Greenygrass will be Potter one day. Lots of Tiramisu then." said Dobby insanely.

Daphne's eyes narrowed "This… nut is my Tiramisu chef?"

"Does Mistress not like Dobby's Tiramisu?" said Dobby "I can bang my ears in the oven door if you like?" said Dobby.

"Dobby, no injuring yourself" said Harry. "Remember… you're a free elf, and you don't injure yourself"

"Is Dobby's Tiramisu acceptable?" asked Dobby, head bowed, peering up at Daphne.

"It is very good Dobby. I appreciate it." said Daphne politely.

Dobby relaxed.

"Dobby, the snake" Harry reminded.

"Does Great Master Harry Potter want the snake moved now?" asked Dobby.

"If you would, Dobby. Tell Mister Greengrass Harry Potter sends his regards" said Harry.

"Master Harry Potter Sir, It may take Dobby some time to move the snake" admitted the house-elf.

"Take your time Dobby." said Harry gently.

"Well, that's the Chamber of secrets" said Harry.

"Does it have any other secrets?" asked Daphne.

"I don't know." said Harry. "I was in a hurry"

Four hours later, they left the chamber of secrets, tried from casting detection charms.

"Harry, why did you-know-who stop trying to kill you?" asked Daphne, as she rode up the pipe on the broom, side side saddle in front of Harry.

"I think he got tired of failing and retired." said Harry. "He failed in nineteen eighty one, again in nineteen ninety one, and again in nineteen ninety four"

"Three times!" she exclaimed and turned on the broomstick to face Harry, right in his face "You beat him three times" she said, looking very alarmed.

"Lots of luck" said Harry "I must have used it all up in nineteen ninety four" he continued, flying up the dirty tunnel in near darkness.

"You're lucky to have me" said Daphne. Harry remember snogging under the effects of potion, and boobs. "I am" he said firmly. Daphne turned back to face forwards "Good answer Potter" she said.

-==0==-

Harry and Ron watched Hermione wind tighter and tighter over OWLS, and started to sit slightly further away.

Harry found had the exams difficult. Running was helping him, and the sight of the sixth and seventh year girls running was doing something for him. Potions revision had helped.

OWLS exams came and went.

Nothing was left inside him at the end of exams. He just felt like a burnt match. He just wanted to get on the train and go home.

Hermione kept discussing exam questions obsessively with anyone who didn't run away.

-==0==-

The day after OWLS, Harry was finishing breakfast when an eagle owl dropped off a letter for him.

He picked it up

'Harry Potter,

Dear Harry.

I was somewhat surprised to find a dead giant basilisk outside my house.

The elf said It was Harry Potter sending it, but was a bit incoherent.

I've got it in a warehouse, and have experts harvesting it.

It looks like Greengrass Potion ingredients will have Basilisk venom for sale for some time.

You stand to make a fortune from this. So I'll never bother asking if you can support Daphne.

Well done.

Cyrus. Greengrass

P.S. Over one million galleons and climbing. Anything you want for Christmas?

'

Harry snorted, and looked over at the Slytherin tables. Daphne Greengrass had just finished folding up a letter and putting it in her robes. She glanced in his direction, and smiled crookedly, fleetingly.

-==0==-

Harry knew he needed to catch up with Daphne again, the Treacle tart was starting to loose it's sweetness again. He went to his bed, closed the curtains and got out the mirror. "Padfoot" he called.

The mirror waited, reflective. Harry waited. After ten minutes, he got out the map and looked for her instead. She was in the Slytherin dorms, in a group of names he recognised as his year.

He called out again "Padfoot". Finally her footprints moved, and went to what he guessed by it's size was a bathroom.

The mirror cleared and he saw Daphne, in a bathroom stall

"What is it Potter" she said crossly.

"I need to see you. I can't taste sugar" said Harry.

"I'm busy. With my friends" said Daphne.

"Oh, I … well , afterwards, the room" said Harry.

"Yeah whatever" said Daphne and the mirror went back to being a mirror.

-==0==-

It was nearly after curfew when Daphne entered the classroom. Harry sat up "Hello" he said.

"Look I know we need to, but I don't want to" said Daphne.

"Well, to cheer you up, your father put a postscript on the letter he wrote me."

"There's a way out?"

Harry handed Daphne the letter. Her eyes bulged "You're filthy, stinking rich" she said.

"And heir to two houses." said Harry. "How about that kiss then?"

"If you think my affections can be bought with money..." said Daphne.

"Oh bear up dear, we're millionaires" said Harry, embracing a surprised Daphne and kissing her.

The medicine was good.

"I'm not going to be throwing myself at you, just because you're rich" said Daphne.

"No, dear, that would be more a Pansy thing to do" said Harry. "I think that the Malfoy's net worth is around two million galleons. With all the Black and Potter assets, we'll be nearly as rich"

Daphne snorted. "Are you going to turn up in decent new clothes next year?"

"Believe it" said Harry "I killed a basilisk, and a couple of men. I can probably cope with Ron not liking me buying new clothes"

"You've killed men?" asked Daphne, shocked.

"Professor Quirrell… Professor Moody; the fake one." said Harry. "And maybe some more… but they all had it coming to them" said Harry.

"I thought you were some goody-goody" said Daphne, looking at Harry surprised.

Harry snorted "Dumbledore's PR machine."

"I suppose you'll think that as a bad boy, I"ll find you attractive?" asked Daphne.

"Well, a bad, filthy rich boy, who literally will only dance with you." said Harry.

Daphne looked undecided.

"And I arrange for there to be Tiramisu for you twice a week" said Harry.

Daphne got Harry some more medicine, and vice versa.

-==0==-

Harry thought about seeing Daphne on the train but discarded the idea. There was no way it would be private enough to tell jokes.

Hermione was reading a book, but fell asleep once the train started moving.

The trip was long, Harry was tired and he dozed off too.

Harry awoke to Ron shaking his shoulder.

"Harry, it's Slytherins" said Ron nervously.

Harry opened his eyes and saw Daphne and her best friend Tracey, followed by Lilith Moon.

"Oh Hi Daphne." said Harry.

Daphne sat down next to Harry.

Ron shuddered "Harry" he croaked "It's the Ice Queen of Slytherin, and she's sitting next to you!"

"Oh Ron, meet my fiancee, Daphne Greengrass" said Harry blandly and leaned over and kissed Daphne on the cheek. Tracey made a choking sound and rushed into the compartment and sat down. Lilith moon followed cautiously, and perched on the end of the far bench seat.

Ron's mouth opened, and nothing happened.

"Save yourselves, we're about to be sucked into the Weasley food vortex" said Tracey.

Hermione woke up and startled "Daphne,Tracey, Lilith, what are you doing in here with.. well them" said Hermione.

"You know them?" asked Ron

"They're in ancient runes and Arithmancy" said Hermione. "Why is Daphne sitting right next to Harry.

"We're engaged" said Harry.

Hermione's eyes rolled upwards and she fainted.

The trolley witch knocked on the door and slid it open "Hello Dears, want some snacks?"

Harry reached into his pocket "Uh, eight sugar quills, a block of honeydukes chocolate mint, a box of Bertie Botts every flavour beans, and one of everything" he said , and handed over a stack of galleons.

The trolley witch laughed "Impressing your girlfriend" she said and handed over piles of snacks.

"Why eight sugar quills" said Daphne, taking one, and palming the chocolate block.

"Four witches times two quills, plus chocolate for you" said Harry. "Berties for a game of bean-challenge, and one of everything because that's what I bought in first year, and Ron's hung around ever since"

"Oy, I'm not just here for the sweets" said Ron, taking a bite out of a licorice wand.

Tracey grabbed the cauldron cake.

Lilith frowned "Can Potter really afford this?" she asked. "He wears rags sometimes" she observed.

Daphne blushed "He um, can afford it" she said.

"Oh come on Daphne, Malfoy's almost twice as rich as me. At this rate, we'll run out of spending money some time… in the year ten thousand." said Harry, snagging a chocolate frog. "Hmmm Oh yes! It's MEEE" said Harry, proudly showing the girls his own chocolate frog card.

"If you're famous, is it vanity to keep your own chocolate frog card?" asked Lilith.

"No" said Ron, around a rapidly disappearing licorice wand.

Tracy spoke up "Besides, probably Daphne wants the card"

Daphne erupted "You… bitch" she said and threw a cockroach cluster at Tracey, who was laughing too hard to duck. Daphne gave a giggling Tracey the finger.

Hermione came around and Harry handed her a sugar quill "Get your blood sugar up." he said.

"Oy Greengrass, you can't take the whole block" said Ron, looking at the chocolate bar in Daphne's hand.

"Harry bought it for me, didn't you" Daphne said, viciously, staring at Harry.

"Yes dear" said Harry.

Hermione gnawed on the sugar quill anxiously.

Harry spoke up "Everyone, save the stringmints for Hermione. She has to pass inspection by dentists on arrival. That's healers of Teeth, to those who don't know muggle jobs." said Harry.

Tracey slid the stringmints along the centre table towards Hermione.

Harry sat next to Daphne for the whole trip. They elbowed each other surreptitiously.

"Are they going to start snogging" asked Lilith.

"I don't think so. Daphne's got her I'm going to hex you face on" said Tracey.

"Does she ever not?" asked Ron. Lilith smiled sweetly and hexed Ron in the groin. Ron gasped.

"That cooling charm works well, Daphne" said Lilith. "It really is detention free payback"

"Daphne's been worse tempered since she got unwillingly engaged to the specky git of Griffindor" said Tracey.

Ron laughed. Hermione looked affronted.

"Daphne's usually hilariously sarcastic" explained Lilith. "She's been put off by specks over there."

"Sarcastic? She never says anything in class" said Ron.

"That you hear" said Tracey. Hermione looked furtive.

'Hermione, what's going on" asked Ron.

"Privacy charms Ron, they're a thing" said Hermione bluntly.

After sitting uncomfortably for a while, Harry started a game of Bertie Botts.

Part way through the box, he whispered in Daphne's ear. She dropped the bean she was going to eat.

"You what!" she said, turning to glare at Harry. Harry grinned awkwardly.

Daphne stood up and put her hands on her hips.

"Crikey, they're like Mum and Dad" said Ron, paling.

Daphne glared at Harry "You will go to the proper authorities immediately." she said.

Harry sighed.

Daphne's hand came out and her index finger started to shake at him "Don't you dare go doing something Else stupid. My sister or I could end up engaged to some.. some.. deranged offspring of Sirius's. With a tail!"

Harry swallowed "Yes dear" he said.

Daphne stormed off.

Harry looked very pensive.

Ron leaned over to talk to Lilith and Tracey.

"Shouldn't you two follow her?" asked Ron.

"No that's her going off the scream in the bathroom huff" said Tracey. "She's been doing it a bit since getting engaged to" she gestured with her thumb at Harry. "First time I've seen them really looking married in an argument. Did you notice they way Daphne said very little, her mum does that too."

"Harry, what did you do?" asked Hermione.

"I may have dome something ill-advised and reckless" said Harry. "I will get it sorted over summer" he said.

"Why weren't we there for it" asked Ron.

"Well, remember the portkey malfunction" said Harry.

"Yeah" said Ron.

"Well it was a bit more than that.. More sort of … secret chamber under Hogwartsy adventure" said Harry.

"What is Potter talking about" asked Lilith.

"Harry killed the beast of Slytherin under the castle in second year." said Hermione. "It was a Basilisk"

"A bloody huge one" said Ron. "Bit him and all"

"That's enough Ron" said Harry.

….

They arrived at the station.

Next to him, Ron drooled on the bench seat.

Harry sighed and stood up, the Slytherin girls having left earlier to their own compartment.

He pulled his trunk down.

"Ron, wake up" said Hermione, shaking his shoulder gently.

Harry looked at at friends, and suddenly saw, in the tender look on Hermione's face, love. It was then that Harry realised that Harry, Ron and Hermione was soon going to be Hermione and Ron, with Harry. Harry's heart died a little, he knew that no witch would ever wake him lovingly. He was going to marry Daphne Greengrass, and they disliked one another, rather violently at times.

And he had homework. With the bloody ministry, no less… no double homework, because there was a potions essay too. Bloody Snape, just did it to ruin the holidays.

"Harry, what is it?"

"It's.. just, my life. It's… a pain" said Harry.

"Harry are you really a millionaire" asked Ron.

"Yeah" said Harry.

"Well stop your whining." said Ron harshly.

"I'm in a cursed marriage contract here!" said Harry.

"Are you sure there's no way out?" asked Ron.

"Well, if she died, and her sister, and her dad, and her Mum" said Harry, and regretted saying anything.

Hermione was frowning, "You can't solve all your problem with homicide, Harry!"

"You're right, the contract will bind with up to thirty years age difference" said Harry thoughtfully.

"Erk" said Ron "You could end up with some really old bird, or someone… who won't be born for years. Yuck."

"Ron, stop now" said Hermione "You're not helping and Harry doesn't need to be reminded."

"I got so lucky on the first contract" said Harry "Though it was Voldemort's bastard daughter, because she was a bastard and a halfblood, Sirius could just rip up the contract"

"I remember you were in the prophet for the ripping up" said Ron.

"Yeah" said Harry, as Ron got his trunk.

Harry led the way to the exit, trying to give Ron a moment with Hermione.

-==0==-

By the time Harry side-along apparated to Grimmauld place, he was dreading the conversation he had to have.

"Are you alright Harry?" asked Sirius.

"I many have done something a bit reckless, and I need to get help from the ministry" admitted Harry.

"Harry, Daphne Greengrass is a fine looking young witch, I'm sure her father will understand if you've knocked her up." said Sirius, trying to cheer Harry up.

"Sirius, Its really not that. I, er, defeated Voldemort in 1994" said Harry.

"You're grounded till you're infinity" said Sirius. "How?" he demanded.

"Got lucky, he was in a gross little baby body and I fed it draft of living death."

"Harry, never do that again. The DMLE are really down on child abuse" said Sirius.

"Then Cedric transfigured him into a pebble, and we put the pebble in a cistern." said Harry.

Sirius looked at him "Are you kidding?"

"Sadly, no"

"Well, lets go kill him" said Sirius simply.

"When he died in 1991 he turned into a black wraith and flew off. I think he did that in 1981 too." said Harry. "He has put his memories into a book, I destroyed that in 1992, a cloud of black came out and screamed"

"Harry, have you ever eaten wild mushrooms from the forbidden forest" asked Sirius.

"No"

"Well, I feel like doing that right now." said Sirius. "We'll make an appointment with the DMLE and you can tell them your story."

"How's the Greengrass girl?" asked Sirius.

"Oh Sirius, it's not so bad. Even after we marry, we don't have to, you know." said Harry.

"Harry, being involuntarily celibate is pretty awful" said Sirius.

"Speaking of which, where's my new step-mother?" asked Harry.

"I, er, haven't found anyone who'd, well" muttered Sirius.

"Nobody will date you" said Harry.

"I'm off to eat mushrooms" said Sirius, and flooed off.

-==0==-

Greengrass Manor, a few days later.

Harry and Daphne sit in a drawing room.

"So, we need to laugh" said Daphne.

"Yes we do, and I'm feeling sick, I assume you are too"

Daphne nodded.

Harry took the Amortentia out of his robes.

"Keep that way from me" said Daphne.

"It's unkeyed. Just take a whiff" said Harry.

Daphne rolled her eyes, but accepted the bottle, uncorked it and sniffed.

Her eyes narrowed. "It's odourless" she said.

"Not for me" said Harry, about to launch into a description.

He unstopped the bottle and took a sniff. It truly was odourless.

"You're right!" said Harry, confused.

"Must be defective, I suppose" said Daphne.

"Good thing neither of us drank it" said Harry and Daphne burst into slightly hysterical laughter.

The sight of Daphne laughing, and the ironic reason why tickled Harry's funny bone and he couldn't help laughing too. He clumsily corked the bottle and put it back in his robe pocket.

"Are you laughing at me Mister Potter" said Daphne, pink faced and snorting.

"Certainly not Miss Greengrass" said Harry, snorting to a stop.

"Well that takes care of sugar for a week or so" said Harry.

"But we must still do that..." said Daphne.

Harry took out the faulty Amortentia and uncorked it "And this is no good" said Harry "smells of nothing" he said. And sniffed. Smelt of nothing. He corked the bottle and went to stuff it in his robes.

"Spill Potter!" said Daphne.

Harry handed the bottle back "Smell for yourself!"

Daphne uncorked the bottle and sniffed "Odourless" she said hastily and corked it bottle, putting it on the couch.

Harry stood up "Well time for that" he said, and cast the mouth freshening charm.

Daphne stood and repeated the spell.

"Who's turn is it?"

"Yours" said Daphne.

"I'm sure it's yours" said Harry.

"Well we'll both do it then" said Daphne crossly.

Harry approached Daphne and held her in a loose hug. 'She'd got curvier this year.' he was sure.

He leaned forward with practised ease and they kissed, then Daphne's tongue split his lips apart. Harry waited a moment and pushed his tongue back, into Daphne's mouth. It was familiar, and not really unpleasant.

Daphne pulled her head back "Are you still feeling sick?" she asked blandly.

"I think so" said Harry, who was feeling much better but still like he was coming down with something. They leaned in and kissed again, Harry's tongue first to enter Daphne's mouth.

Harry's eyes closed.

They kissed for a while, purely for medical reasons and stopped, both breathing deeply.

Harry felt better than he had all year. "That was the right dose, I think" said Harry, opening his eyes. Daphne looked a bit flushed and her lips were pink and swollen.

"Yes, that was the right dose" said Daphne, stepping back.

"So, two weeks is now too long between doses, isn't it" said Harry.

Daphne nodded "Sweetness only lasts a week or so." she said glumly.

"The cold-like symptoms, they start in around a week" said Harry.

Daphne glared at him "That depends if I'm on my monthly or not." she said bitterly.

Harry gulped. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise"

"So I don't just feel bloated and irritable, I feel like I've got a cold, all because I need to kiss you. Of all people." said Daphne. Harry nodded "Just mirror call me. In fact, call me in three days, we can tell jokes and taste sugar"

"Oh thank you" said Daphne sarcastically "Helping out a poor woman who just want to curl up with a hot water bottle and some ice-cream."

"Well, if that's what you want to do, I'll get on out. We've done what we had to"

Daphne sighed "Yes, and thank you"

"Good afternoon, Miss Greengrass" said Harry.

Harry left the drawing room and was leaving when he was accosted by Daphne's little sister Astoria, in casual robes.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"Why yes," said Harry

"And she didn't hex you?"

"No, she was irritable, but we did what we had to, and now we both feel much better" said Harry.

"It's just that Daphne's..."

"Having her monthly" said Harry drolly. 'Where did I get this utter lack of embarrassment from?'

"Yeah" said Astoria.

"We've had to do this all year, it's not the first time" said Harry.

"Oh no, do you two.. "

"None of your business, Astoria. But, no, we hug, we kiss, we tell jokes, we depart"

"You two aren't normal." said Astoria.

"The contract is basically a curse." said Harry. "We're bound by it. That doesn't mean we're ever going to be lovey with one another"

Astoria muttered "You poor bastard"

"Goodbye, Astoria" said Harry, and he flooed home.

-==0==-

Daphne dreamed of holding a man, kissing him, feeling love. In the dream, obviously the hugs were Harry's, because he was the only man she'd hugged, and the kisses were Harry's; she had no other reference but the love… it was a chimera, and when she awoke, she was left with the cold fact of the contract.

She got up and went to her dresser and sniffed her own bottle of the faulty Amortentia again. Sweat, beeswax and treacle tart. Nothing of consequence. Probably just going off. She opened the other bottle of the pair. Still the beeswax smell. Decomposing potions. They'd probably exceeded the shelf life. The chocolate frog card of Harry Potter tucked into the edge of her mirror made a rude gesture. She'd hoped it would blow her kisses or something. Fat chance.

-==0==-

Harry and Sirius had written to the DMLE about Harry's Voldemort issue. They replied promptly, and have Harry and Sirius an appointment first thing the next day.

Harry went with Sirius to the Ministry and took the lurching, side-ways and backwards going lift to the DMLE, where they were met in a meeting room by a couple of Aurors.

They asked some questions, sent a memo flying off and a scary looking grey-robed person arrived, cast some diagnostic spells, squeaked in terror and ran off. A bigger, slower moving grey-robed person turned up while Harry and Sirius were eating tasteless dry sandwiches and drinking awful milky tea.

The Aurors pointed at Harry, the grey-robed type cast some diagnostic spells then said "Come with me, Mister Potter"

Sirius stood up and said "Now wait a minute, you can't just…."

And that's when the grey-robed person turned Sirius into a small end table.

"He's unhurt, just quieter, and goes nicely with a sofa" said the person. "Come with me"

One of Aurors asked "What do we do with Mister Black?"

"Oh bring him along, he keeps really well like that"

Harry was led to the lift and taken down to level eight. The Aurors stopped looking so big and tough and Harry was pretty sure he heard one of them say "Unspeakables". Harry was taken to a dull office, and he explained what he'd done, and the Voldemort magic he'd seen.

"Ah, well we'll be seeing you again, once we've shaken Albus Dumbledore upside down. He really has the stickiest fingers." said the Unspeakable.

A day later, the Prophet ran a story on the third page about new evidence against three death eaters. Bellatrix LeStrange, Rastaban LeStrange and Rudolphus LeStrange. They had apparently murdered some missing people, and their sentences became death sentences.

The side effect of that was that Sirius inherited Bellatrix's vault.

Stranger still, Sirius got grabbed by the Unspeakables, and returned a day later, tight-lipped. Though he admitted, the extra gold and treasure was very handy.

The LeStranges major assets went to a distant family member in America, who'd been ejected from Britain two generations ago.

Harry didn't see why that was so interesting. He had to find some matching rosewood for a tabletop that needed a single plank replaced. The axe that had been stuck in it was cleaning up nicely in vinegar.

True to their words, a week later, a grey owl arrived, telling Harry and Sirius to turn up at level eight of the ministry the next morning.

Harry remembered turning up, his scar hurting, and a weird dream where everything was white. And seeing a Voldemort baby again, but this one was really deformed and looked like it was dying. Harry was pretty sure nobody was looking, so he poked it with one finger. It caught fire, and then Harry woke up in a hospital bed.

There was a familiar looking end table. Eventually a grey-robed person came in and looked at Harry, cast a diagnostic spell and said "Well, that seems to be fine. You and your end-table can go home."

"I had a strange dream" said Harry.

"You had a classified dream." said the person. "We won't be explaining it. We are the Department of Mysteries, not the Department of Explanations."

Harry and a disoriented Sirius went home. Sirius ordered pizza, then went "out".

-==0==-

The next day

Harry woke up and felt a deep need to get some new clothes. Sirius was snoring on his bed, fully clothed, stinking of alcohol, so Harry put on his best clothes and went to The Leaky Cauldron via floo.

After puking his guts out, he apologised to Tom the barman; who shrugged "I clean up a lot of puke, I do run a bar" was Tom's response. Tom merely insisted on a sixteen sickle cleaning fee.

Harry feeling lighter of stomach and purse, went into Diagon alley, and went to the bank.

The goblin teller looked at him like he was something he'd found stuck to his shoe, and charged him three sickles to make a withdrawal. Harry took out a thousand galleons, and a thousand pounds.

Being clearly underage, he went on a shopping spree that ended, as do a lot of young men's shopping sprees, with Harry giving Madam Malkin a lot of money to think for him. The bundle of clothes shrunk magically to merely be the size of a small suitcase, and Harry took it home to Grimmauld place. He cleaned his room's wardrobe out by getting Kreacher to do it. Kreacher seemed to relish some new rags. "Oh these will polish silver well" he murmured.

Harry expanded the clothes bundle, unpacked it roughly into the right places, and left for muggle shopping. Having never been shopping for clothes properly, he went to Harrods and left immediately, discovering his thousand pounds was insufficient. He went instead to an anonymous menswear store, and bought black jeans, black slacks, and black shirts. He thought the black leather jacket made him look really edgy. The taxi back to Grimmauld place was crowded with Harry's new clothes.

-==0==-

Sirius found Harry sitting proudly in the library, reading a book. In black jeans, a black shirt and black leather jacket, with black boots.

"Oh, you went shopping on your own" said Sirius. "Next time, don't just buy black."

"It's part of my new bad-boy image" said Harry. "I've killed a lot of men."

"Harry, so what?" said Sirius. "Shooting people is easy. Hell, Mooney's cut a swathe through the werewolf population, and he cries at kittens getting stuck in trees."

"Moony's a werewolf" said Harry "He nearly killed and ate us in third year"

"He hates that potion" said Sirius "I mean Remus likes it, but the wolf hates it, tries to get him to forget it"

"Duh!" said Harry. Harry wasn't sure he particularly liked Remus. Nearly being eaten was hard to get over.

-==0==-

Greengrass Manor

Harry flooed over in new casual robes, his new black boots shiny.

Daphne was waiting for him. "Oh, you got new clothes. Good." she said.

They went to drawing room and took turns to drool into the medicine glasses Harry had bought to Daphne's specification.

"Best idea ever!" said Harry.

"Bottoms up" said Daphne, and they swapped glasses and spit without icky kissing. Then waited. And waited.

"It doesn't bloody work!" said Harry.

"Fine!" said Daphne.

"Daphne dear, at least we tried your idea" said Harry.

"Don't call me dear" said Daphne.

"Okay, Honey" said Harry.

"Are you really trying my patience?"

"You're cute when you get angry" admitted Harry.

"Cute" she hissed.

"Well, verging on terrifying" admitted Harry. "I think I'm very disturbed young man, what with my unusual upbringing". Harry glanced at his wristwatch.

"There's no way you could have potioned me!" said Daphne.

"About thirty more seconds" said Harry. "The inside of both medicine glasses was painted with it" he continued.

"This thing where you dose us with Amortentia is despicable. Almost rape-like" said Daphne.

"I'm not going to do anything, you goddess you" said Harry, blinking.

"Not do anything!" said Daphne.

"Well, you see, I'm a fifteen year old boy told he has to kiss one of the prettiest, funniest girls in school, in private. And I've only been kneed in the balls once. I have iron self control" said Harry.

Daphne grabbed Harry by the lapels of his robe and delivered a searing passionate kiss.

"Fabulous" said Harry "And considering there's no Amortentia on the glasses, rather awesome"

Daphne blushed. "You tricked me!" she said.

"Oh go on, who's kidding who" said Harry "This is turning into an excuse to snog"

"It isn't" said Daphne. "I feel better, you may go"

"Damn" said Harry.

"Do you really think I'm funny?" asked Daphne as Harry left the room.

"You can always make me laugh" admitted Harry and departed.

-==0==-

Sixth year

Remus came back to Grimmauld place a few days before Harry left. He looked at him with sad, kind eyes "Oh Harry, I'm so sorry" said the werewolf.

"I'm sorry too" said Harry "I want my gun back. The death eaters have probably regrouped by now!"

"Harry, homicide is not the solution to all life's problems" said Remus.

"Let me see, first year: killed Quirrell, one point to homicide. Second year, killed basilisk, two points. Third year, should have let you two kill Peter; three points. Fourth year: lets just say three points and leave it at that" said Harry, running out of fingers on one hand.

"I did hear that someone was using tickling hexes to tumble you down staircases. That sounds like a subtle, deadly enemy" said Remus thoughtfully.

"Oh that was Daphne and I having a disagreement" said Harry. "She's not often homicidal, much like you, only for a few days a month"

Remus left, shaking with fury. Harry got his gun back. With Mad-Eye back in retirement, his disillusioned holster was probably good enough.

When his prefect's badge arrived with his Hogwarts letter, Sirius began mercilessly pranking him.

Harry spent most of the week before September 1st bald with antlers as a result. His pillows were all destroyed.

Harry left a stash of dog treats laced with laxative in the kitchen on the last day of holidays.

-==0==-

Harry got on the train and went to the Prefect's carriage.

The new Head boy, another Puff, David Corbys greeted him. The Head Girl was Frobisher's little sister Helena from Ravenclaw, and she had a clipboard and a steely gaze.

Hermione turned up, in robes, with her badge on.

The appearance of Daphne Greengrass with a prefects badge surprised Harry.

'I mean her grades are good, maybe not potions, but then Snape is a useless git and mine are no better. Why am I surprised that Daphne, who never gets detention and good grades, and is calm, well in public, is a prefect. Come on, I'm a prefect, and I'm an ass. Sometimes.'

Daphne stood next to a nervous looking Draco Malfoy "Touch me and I'll break your arm in eighteen places" she hissed.

Harry remembered that Daphne was a teensy-tiny bit assertive.

Draco looked across the carriage to Harry. Harry felt the imp of the perverse, and smiled at Draco. Draco paled.

Harry looked around the compartment and noticed the room filling up.

…

Helena Frobisher got around to patrol schedules

"Now we're having mixed gender, mixed house patrols. Because, frankly I don't trust two boys, or two girls, and I certainly don't trust two… for example Griffindors not to let Griffs away with things. So Girls, you'll need to be prepared to hex your patrol partner. The witches smirked.

Harry realised the opportunity, but tried not to show too much interest.

..

"Now sixth years. Greengrass, Potter?"

"Oh please, that idiot" said Daphne. Harry knew she wasn't putting it on either.

Harry nodded.

...

"Come to me to pick out times after you get your timetables. First come, best times" said Helena.

Harry went back to the compartment with his trunk, and sat down. The thought of a whole year of not feeling sick was making him very happy.

Hermione turned up after a few minutes. "Harry" said Hermione crossly "You have to patrol the train, with Greengrass"

Harry got up and went back to the front car and collected an irritated Daphne. "Where did you run off to, idiot." she said.

They patrolled down the train, checking compartments, mostly for upset firsties.

Harry knelt down and explained to the small blonde girl that no, they didn't have to fight a troll.

Daphne looked at him oddly as he shut the compartment door, they stood in the corridor of the gently swaying train.

"Why did you spend so long calming down one firstie?" she asked.

"Oh come on, she was tiny. Besides, fighting trolls is an elective in first year" said Harry.

Daphne looked at him, blinked and burst out laughing. "You ass" she snorted.

Harry snorted. "Thanks" he said. "I'm looking forward to treacle tart now". Daphne looked suddenly distracted. "Oh, if you're lucky there'll be tiramisu" he said.

"Come on, we need to protect firsties from the legends you and Granger made"

"I'd like to point out, it was Ron that knocked out the troll"

Daphne stopped "You're joking"

"No, I'm Sirius" he said, and laughed.

Daphne coughed and stood up straighter "Are you really" she asked.

"Yeah, and he'd only learnt wingardium leviosa that day"

"Bull" said Daphne, shoulder checking him.

"No bull" said Harry, looking into the next compartment through the window and seeing third years, it looked like, all eating and playing snap.

The view of Daphne's growing curves was making him feel all.. well horny. The urge to cop a feel fought the desire to arrive at Hogwarts with unbroken bones.

Several cars down, they found seventh years drinking firewhiskey.

Harry opened the door and barged in, Daphne following.

"Congratulations, you've earned detentions, before the year begins." said Daphne.

"Pissoff Snake" said a large Griff, that Harry thought was James Peake.

"Peake. Language to prefects.. that's another detention" said Harry.

"Harry, my man, you're not Granger. We just want to have a few drinks"

"Sadly, if you'd carried it in in your trunk, I'd let it slide. But not on the train. The firsties are tiny, and you lot are big and drunk." said Harry.

"Harry, don't make us hurt you" said Peakes' buddy… who was Fitzy?

Daphne rolled her eyes. "Potter, stun them and I'll bag the contraband." she said.

"Letting a snake tell you what to do man?" said Peake.

Harry sighed, flicked his wrist holster to drop his wand into his hand and area-effect stunned all the sitting passengers.

He felt it in his magic… and sank almost to his knees, then Daphne grabbed his arm steadying him.

"I didn't mean all at once, you bloody showoff" said Daphne.

"Safest way" said Harry, wobbling and letting his intended hold him up.

"You're heavy" she said.

"You're tiny" retorted Harry, sagging to below eye-level to Daphne.

"I'm only three inches shorter than you" protested Daphne. "An I was taller than you till you grew!"

Harry grabbed the luggage rack "Shut the door" he panted.

Daphne closed it and pulled down the blind.

"Oh, privacy?" asked Harry.

Daphne flicked her wand at the lock.

"Miss Greengrass, I find myself in a locked room with you, and five unconscious men" said Harry, and took deep breaths.

Daphne snorted and transfigured an empty sweets packet into a carry bag and put the firewhiskey bottle in it.

"Shall we search their trunks?" asked Daphne.

"They're getting detention already." gasped Harry reasonably, nearly not out of breath anymore.

"You're right" said Daphne, and with waves of her wand, opened the trunks, then cast 'accio firewhiskey'.

Three more bottles came to her, which she caught one of. Harry dropped his wand and caught the other two.

Daphne held out the carry bag and he put the two bottles in it. Harry bent over to pick up his wand.

Daphne put the fourth bottle in the bag with a clink.

"So dropping all of this with Filch?"

"I think the Slytherin women's benevolent fund needs a bottle or two" said Daphne.

"If you'd said I'd have packed some for you. Nobody's going to search my trunk" said Harry.

Daphne took out a notebook and wrote down the compartment, and then asked Harry for names

"James Peake, Fitzwilliams, Backley, and Mervyn" said Harry.

"Bravo. Four, the year above you. Are you worried about retaliation?"

"No, they just want to drink. I'll do a butterbeer run and get them a case."

"A butterbeer run?"

"I've got a way out of the castle to Hogsmeade, then I pop over to the Hogshead and buy a case."

"And you never told me?"

"You never asked. I'll get you what, two cases?"

Daphne sighed, and wrapped her arms around Harry. "I feel ill." she said, leaning against him.

"Well, we know what to do" said Harry, who was feeling sick with tiredness, but kissed Daphne dutifully. Well, it wasn't bad. But just medicinal, just had to swap some spit because of the curse.

The way his hand held the back of her head, that was for balance on a moving train. Speaking of which, the rocking train made them rub together.

They kissed, very um, medicinally till Daphne pulled back, out of breath. That's why she was panting.

Her lips looked very pink.

He picked up the contraband and gestured to the door.

Daphne held up one hand, getting her breath back.

After a minute, they left the sleeping beauties, with trunks flicked shut by Daphne's wand.

"Remember Potter, I don't like you" said Daphne.

"It's mutual" said Harry, grabbing her ass. He got a slap. 'Worth it' he thought.

"And if we kiss so readily, it's familiarity. We've had to do it so many times" she said.

"Front carriage, to drop this off?" asked Harry.

"I need to abstract two bottles." said Daphne.

"Be careful in dorms with firewhiskey." said Harry quickly "Drunk witches can't hex".

"Oh I won't be the one drinking it." said Daphne. "I'm only selling it"

Harry shoulder-tapped her as the walked along "I feel much better about that" he said.

"Hmh!" snorted Daphne, walking with a slight swagger.

Harry realised Daphne was really his girlfriend. It could be worse.

-==0==-

The opening feast announcements were… odd

Professor Snape finally got to teach Defence. Professor Slughorn was taking back Potions.. apparently he was Snape's predecessor.

-==0==-

Harry was eating breakfast when Ginny Weasley sat down opposite him.

"Uh Harry?" she asked.

"Yeah what" said Harry, looking up.

"Would you go to Hogsmeade with me" she asked.

Harry's blood froze. He stared at Ron's cute little sister, and then slowly turned his eyeballs over to the Slytherin table, where a Daphne had taken a knife was slowly stabbing a bread bun… over and over again. "No" said Harry "My fiancee would be very angry" he said. Ron started trying to explain to his little sister.

-==0==-

Griffindor Common room

The Quidditch team was celebrating their first win of the year.

Music is playing so loudly you can hear it from out in the hallway.

Harry was just about to go into Griffindor tower, just back from the Quidditch changing rooms, when a familiar voice said "Stop right there Potter".

Harry turned around and found Daphne Greengrass, Prefect had been waiting in an alcove.

"You will step away from the Griffindor tower entrance, and proceed to the nearest abandoned classroom" she said, a wand in her hand.

"Are you alright Daphne?" asked Harry. Her eyes didn't seem glassy; no obvious sign of the imperius curse.

"There's a party, which will have dancing. You will get drunk, dance and some Griffindor quidditch fan will grab you. At which point, I might die. So step away from the door, and proceed" said Daphne.

Daphne shot him with a quick tickling hex. "Move along" she said as Harry rubbed his aching arm.

"Have you considered a career in law enforcement?" asked Harry.

"If your next words were, 'because I think you'd look great in a uniform', I may need to injure you, again, rather a lot."

"Don't be silly, You look great in anything" said Harry, and blushed.

The nearest room was accidentally the room of requirement. Which decided that what they needed was a cosy little room with a loveseat, and a nice fire.

...

Daphne moaned. Her eyes opened. She blinked. Harry stopped kissing and pushed himself up off her.

"Idiot" said Daphne, lying on the loveseat, lips swollen, face flushed.

"Sorry" said Harry. Daphne's eyes narrowed.

Whack. Daphne smacked Harry in the face.

Time passed, with Harry sulking around the hallways invisible.

Harry Potter came back to the Griffindor party after it was over, looking like he'd spent hours snogging. A smack to the face after ten minutes snogging looks very similar.

He went to bed.

-==0==-

Harry was sitting waiting for Daphne to go for a run.

Daphne put a large box on Harry's lap. He sat up and opened it.

Inside were red t-shirts. The shirts had embroidered on them "Property of Daphne Greengrass", on the front and rear.

"I have badges to go over your robes too." she said.

Harry smiled a lopsided smile. "Sure thing. Anything to avoid dying."

Daphne smiled viciously.

"Do you have some for yourself?" asked Harry.

"Don't be silly, red's not my colour" said Daphne.

Harry laughed "Oh thanks" he said.

"So you got some green sweatshirts with Property of Harry Potter on them or what?" asked Harry.

Daphne snorted. "I'm not property" she said stiffly.

"Don't be silly, it's the shirts that belong to you" said Harry, holding one up.

Daphne snorted "Keep trying" she said.

Harry nodded , then his hand shot out and grabbed Daphne around the ribs and he tickled her.

She giggled and squirmed. "Stop it..." she said.

"D'ya reckon that was enough" asked Harry.

"Maybe." she sighed.

"Well, see how you go." said Harry.

Silence.

"Everyone knows" said Daphne.

"Well, that's sort-of a relief" said Harry.

"No it's not." snapped Daphne.

"well, we could just wear rings like normal people" said Harry.

"These shirts cost money. You're wearing them" said Daphne.

"Okay, for running club" said Harry.

"Well, you could get some rings to prevent other people touching our hands." said Daphne.

"Cursed rings… use a curse to save a curse" said Harry.

Harry got onto the twins immediately. When they stopped laughing they said "We can get them, yeah but we're a bit short on galleons. Harry gave them a fistful of galleons "Remember, green is her colour"

"Oh we think maybe bottle green, like your eyes?' said Fred. Harry snorted.

The rings turned up from Sirius a week later with a note.

'

Set of four Cursed rings as requested.

If anyone but the other ring holder holds your hand, they get shocked.

I'm not giving you the ones that are more dangerous.

Your contract is second page news.

You're now famous as a victim of a cursed contract.

Sirius.

'

Harry looked over the great hall and caught Daphne's eye.

She got up and he followed a minute later.

"Well what?" she said, standing in the front hall.

"Cursed rings. Nobody can touch your hands without wearing the other one."

Harry want to hand Daphne the rings, to receive a stinging slap to the head.

"What'd you do that for" said Harry, resentfully.

"You will be putting the rings on my fingers" said Daphne.

"Oh yeah" said Harry. 'bad tempered.. oh… yeah' The penny dropped for Harry.

"You're the only woman for me" said Harry, honestly and slid the ring on her ring finger.

"You'd better remember that!" she said, with a sob, and he put the other ring on her other hand.

"I'm sorry Daphne," said Harry, taking the other two rings and starting to put the on his hand.

"Stop" said Daphne.

"What?"

"Hand them over" said Daphne.

Harry handed Daphne the rings and she grabbed Harry's open left hand.

"You're the only man for me" she said, and put the ring on his finger.

Harry started to realise what Daphne was trying to do, and he gave her his right hand.

She uncurled his fingers and put the ring on his right ring finger too.

"So, we're safer now" said Harry.

Daphne looked at him "You don't have any other rings?"

"Just these ones" said Harry.

"Not a heirs ring or anything?" asked Daphne, curiously.

Harry shook his head.

"I wish we could dance" said Daphne.

"We, dance?" said Harry.

"Well I can't dance with anyone else can I" she said bitterly.

Harry held out his hands, and Daphne held them, the rings fizzed slightly on his fingers.

Harry and Daphne awkwardly stepped from side to side, holding hands, not near each other, but dancing as best they could. 'The only way I can' though Harry.

"This would be easier with music" said Harry.

"So find a music box" said Daphne.

"Dobby" called Harry. Dobby found one very easily and reappeared with it. It played tinkly music. It would suffice.

"Your hand goes on my hip" said Daphne. "You hold my other hand"

After Daphne literally moved his arms one at a time like a pose-able doll, Harry was holding Daphne and they shuffled about on the tiled floor.

Some other students were staring. Harry saw and didn't care. He'd could have died from laziness and this was an apology to Daphne. That it was the only dancing he'd ever do in his entire life… that was a weird thought.

Daphne said "You can turn us as we step"

"Not and not step on your feet" said Harry.

He look up from his feet and saw a few other couples sharing their lonely dance.

The music box wound down and Harry round it up. There was a spranging noise for the music box, and when it started playing the tune was quite jaunty. Daphne frowned, but Harry dragged her off, dancing faster, maybe poorly, but quickly. By the end of the dance they were both out of breath and almost laughing.

"Well, that was pretty good really" said Harry, still a bit breathless, raising his eyebrows.

"It had it's moments" said Daphne, flushed.

Harry waited until Daphne started off to the dungeons

"Oh Miss Greengrass" he said innocently, reaching behind himself and calling Dobby.

He handed Daphne the box that had arrived from the twins that morning "A gift for you"

Daphne stuck her nose in the air and left.

-==0==-

Daphne Greengrass sat down on her bed with the box.

"You got a present?" asked Tracey Davis.

"From Potter" said Daphne, and opened the box. Green cloth.

She pulled the garment out and it unfolded; a green t-shirt with "Property of Harry Potter" stamped on the back and front. Daphne's eyes narrowed "As If I'd wear that!" she said scornfully.

"I would" said Tracey. "He's good looking, rich, polite. You've already admitted he's a good kisser"

"I'm engaged to him. You can't have the shirt." said Daphne.

"Is he just getting you back for the running shirts?" asked Tracey.

"Perhaps. It's is unoriginal and childish after all". At around about this point a piece of green cloth slid out of the t-shirt onto Daphne's bed.

Daphne put the shirt down and picked up the pair of green knickers. Green knickers with "Property of Harry Potter" embroidered on the front, rather low down, and printed across the seat in large letters. "HE Dares!" she shouted.

Tracey walked over "Derivative and childish, but those are cute little pants"

"With his name all over them!" said Daphne.

"Huh, save them, you never know when a girl will need spare pants." said Tracey.

Daphne looked in the box "The cheek of the man!" she said, flinging more green underthings out of the box.

"The lacy ones are pretty" said Tracey.

"The words! The words!" said Daphne, working herself up.

"Well it's kind-of rude, but you two are really unavoidably married to one another at the end of seventh year" said Tracey. "And some of this stuff's nice."

Lilith picked up a green triangle with green strings curiously. "What is this, an eyepatch?" she asked.

Tracey giggled "I think it's a g-string" she said. "They found room to embroider the words though"

"I will Never wear that ridiculous garment. It doesn't cover… my .. anything" said Daphne.

"Hair loss curse, I'm just saying" said Tracey, waggling her eyebrows. Lilith sputtered. Across the room, Millicent looked up "Keep it down, you're upsetting my puffskien" said the large girl.

"Oh look, a bikini" said Tracey. "Cute swimwear"

"Embroidered, humiliating swimwear" corrected Daphne. Each cup embroidered with the slogan.

"Oh go on Daphne. Try the t-shirt" said Lilith.

"There are five" said a disgusted Daphne.

"Oh go on."

Daphne relented and tried it on. It fitted well "It's a cute colour. The words. Just no." she said, taking it off and putting her blouse back on.

"Well, emergency pants" said Tracey. Daphne gathered them up and dumped them in the far end of her sock drawer.

"I think he's going to have another staircase accident" said Daphne.

Lilith started "Daphne, did you really… he could have died"

"He started it" said Daphne stubbornly.

-==0==-

Harry found Ginny Weasley in the Griffindor common room.

"Miss Weasley" he said. He didn't feel very friendly, as she'd nearly killed him, by repeatedly asking him out when Daphne could see. Ron admitted that his little sister was… a teensy bit obsessed.

Ginny looked up at Harry hopefully.

"Can you please stop asking me to Hogsmeade. I'm engaged" said Harry.

Ginny looked at him and nodded "I understand" she said.

Harry relaxed.

"So, will you leave her for me?" asked Ginny hopefully.

I'm cursed by a marriage contract and I can only be Daphne, or I'll die, and so will she. So keep your hands off. Never touch me." said Harry.

Ginny's face went pale. She looked mortified and about to cry.

"Oh and you owe me a favour from your first year, so this is it. Keep your mouth shut and if any other witches look like they want a piece of me, you hex them." said Harry.

"You're a prefect, you can't tell me to hex people,. I could get detentions" said Ginny.

"I don't care. I might die; You're handy with a hex." said Harry.

"Who is she" asked Ginny.

"Daphne Greengrass; do you not read the papers? " said Harry, angrily.

Harry stormed off up to his dorm room and put on Daphne's badge.

"Hi, I'm cursed, touch me and I die" said the badge, which flashed red.

'Not exactly the truth, but still, close enough' he thought.

Harry tromped back down the stairs to the common room and saw Hermione and Ron standing looking at one another. 'Get on with it' he thought. He accidentally, on purpose pushed Ron, who fell against Hermione, and they accidentally kissed. For four minutes. The common room applauded when the broke apart. About bloody time thought Harry.

He had prefects patrol that night. He found Daphne by using the map as she left the Slytherin common room. He nodded to her from his position leaning against the wall next to the super secret exit of the Slytherin dorms.

She jumped "Jerk!" she said. "Your joke underwear wasn't funny"

"I just got you some printed t-shirts" said Harry, confused.

"And the bikini and the bra set and the knickers and the g-string?" asked Daphne.

Harry looked awkwardly at the floor "I got the Weasley twins to get the t-shirts made; they have connections for their prank business. They must have used their creativity. What's a g-string for?"

"You'll never know" said Daphne darkly.

"Sorry" he said. They started in the dungeons, and slowly climbed floor by floor, checking the abandoned classrooms, the cupboards and the secret passages that were known snogging spots.

Harry was bored on the second floor and looked at the map to do a quick check "There's nobody there, we can go up to the third floor"

Daphne was furious "We could have just checked this stupid map instead of walking around all night"

"I'm not sure the map shows all the secrets, it doesn't show the chamber of secrets, for example" said Harry.

"There are no students snogging in the chamber of secrets" she said harshly. "You're the only person who can get in there, and I'm not snogging you there, and you can't snog anyone else!"

"That's a good point" said Harry, nodding. "My dad and his friends made the map and they didn't get all of the castle. The might have missed a passage." said Harry.

"That we know about?" said Daphne dubiously

"Well it's been a couple of decades. One student finds it, soon we all know" surmised Harry.

"Hardly" drawled Daphne.

"Dobby!" called Harry.

Dobby appeared with a pop, a rag in his hand. "Harry Potter..."

"Dobby, look at this map and tell me, are there rooms or passages missing?" said Harry, handing Dobby the map. Dobby held it for a few seconds then bit the edge.

"Dobby, don't bite the map" cried Harry, pulling on the map. It tore a bit. Harry pulled Dobby's ear.

"Sorry Master Harry Potter sir" said Dobby, looking covetously at the map.

"Well?" asked Harry.

"The come and go room is missing." said Dobby.

"What's that" said Daphne, with a touch of sass.

"It's a room that is where us house elves store… lost things, because it can be whatever we need." said Dobby.

"The Room changes?" asked Daphne, sounding interested.

"You walks in front of it's entrance three ties, thinking about what you need, and the door appears, and the room has it. Mostly we need somewhere to put things we find at the end of the year" said Dobby.

"It's a magical lost and found office" said Daphne, sounding excited.

"Oh no Miss Greeny, the room much more than that. The room of lost things be bigger than the great hall."

"Okay, we are going to see this" said Daphne, rubbing her hands together. "Where is it?" she asked.

"Seventh floor, opposite the tapestry of the trolls dancing" said Dobby.

"Dancing?" said Daphne, in a tone that Harry was starting to recognise.

"We're going all the way to the top" said Daphne, pointing upwards.

When the door appeared in the wall, Harry was very impressed.

When the door opened to a cathedral like space full of lost and clearly concealed embarrassing and incriminating things, he wasn't so impressed. "It's a hoarders fortress" he said.

"Potter, find a trunk in decent condition" said Daphne briskly.

"Why?" asked Harry.

"We're going to make money fast" she said.

Harry dragged a potion stained trunk over to the door.

"Accio booze" said Daphne.

Harry spent the next thirty seconds casting cushioning charms.

"What do you want all this booze for anyway?" asked Harry "Are you an alcoholic?"

"I told you, I just sell it" said Daphne, putting the six sherry bottles into the trunk.

She continued packing firewhiskey and finally butterbeer.

"Can you find another trunk?"

"Why?" asked Harry.

"Because I'm going to accio jewellery next"

An hour later Harry was impressed with Daphne's cunning. Well, and she was bending over a lot.

She'd found a bucket full, of mostly junk jewellery and unpaired earrings, a small sack of coins; which she gave to Dobby, to give to Hogwarts "Always pay the house man," she said. "Though in this case they are house elves"

Then she started on potions. Not many good ones, but a good idea.

When she got him to summon wands… that was really sneaky. And there were a bucket full of them.

"We can take the wands to McGonagall to give to unfortunate students" said Harry.

Daphne blinked at him snorted and just said "Untraceable wands. They're worth at least ten galleons each."

Accio gems had been interesting. Painful, but interesting, as they'd been pelted by shiny rocks.. "Gringotts will cash these" she said, looking at the bulging, dirty sack happily.

"Shouldn't' we be doing prefect things" said Harry.

"Check the map. If there's anyone obviously snogging, we go bust them." said Daphne.

It did only take a minute.

"Why are you so keen to make a galleon in here?" he asked.

"Well, you've only got the money from the Basilisk, plus whatever your parents left you. I'm trying to get us a nest-egg"

"They had a cottage" said Harry.

"I went there once for a history lesson" said Daphne. "The whole side's missing, the rain's got in. It'd need expensive repairs."

Harry groaned. Another Harry Potter plan up in flames.

"Only an idiot would want it" said Daphne dismissively.

When Daphne told Harry to summon used parchment he baulked "That's junk"

"Humour me" said the humourless witch.

The cloud of parchment was immense and the piles of junk all fell about.

"Now what?"

"We bundle it up and get rid of it later." said Daphne.

"What?" asked Harry, not getting it at all.

"It takes up space so we can't see valuable things. Bundled up it's much smaller" explained Daphne.

"Surely we've summoned all the valuable things" said Harry.

"You can only summon what you know of" said Daphne.

"Yeah" said Harry.

"So, what's out there?"

"Old furniture, clothes, bottles… junk"

"Are you sure?" asked Daphne.

"Well, no"

"So there may be valuable things you haven't seen and hence can't summon." she explained.

"Some of this stuff is just rubbish" protested Harry.

"Grandmother always said, never throw anything away you can sell instead. We can sell parchment, bottles, clothes, transfigure broken things, we can repair the broken furniture and sell that. We can have an antiques business"

"This will take years!" said Harry, impressed.

"We're here for two more years. Get back to work" said Daphne.

"I'm rich, why should I work so hard?" asked Harry.

"Because it's free money. And you get better at spells by practising them"

Daphne cried out "Accio size five women's boots"

"You're sorting boots with Accio?" said Harry as boots flew past into a lidless trunk.

"Why ever not?" asked Daphne, looking for another trunk to use.

"Where will we sell all this stuff?"

"We can sell them retail, to the shop in Hogsmeade, or rent a shop somewhere over summer and sell them ourselves."

"Our own junk shop?"

"It's not a junk-shop. We're turning opportunities into galleons."

"Knuts" said Harry.

"Don't knock knuts. One and we've got today's paper."

"So"

"So we sell some size five boots for two knuts, today, and a few more things like that and we've got spending money. For nothing."

"Do people even buy this stuff?"

"Why not, repair charms are easy, so is colour changing. People don't buy much stuff, but cheap stuff sells. We paid nothing, so who cares if we sell it cheaply and quickly." explained Daphne. Harry realised Daphne saw the world differently to him.

"What about the furniture?" asked a confused Harry.

"If you can reparo it… good. Otherwise, your friend the house-elf… you give him some tools, I'll bet he can fix anything."

"Where will he get wood?"

"The worst ruined things" said Daphne. "Well, we'll vanish rotten things" she conceded.

"So we're selling furniture?" asked Harry.

"No, we're investing in furniture. Otherwise we'd need to buy it later." said Daphne.

They worked late into the night.

"Where will we store all this stuff?" asked Harry.

"Chamber of Secrets" said Daphne instantly.

"No, it's damp" said Harry.

"Well we need somewhere dry and out of the way." said Daphne.

"I know of a manor house we could use" admitted Harry.

"You have a manor?" she asked, suddenly curious.

"Voldemort was using it. I don't think anyone else goes there" said Harry.

"Why weren't you in Slytherin?" she asked rhetorically.

It was going twelve when Daphne, rubbing her hands while looking over the sorted piles of boots and clothes called it quits.

"The out of date clothes are junk" said Harry.

"Costumes" she said "There's a shop in Hogsmeade. A knut at a time"

"Oh and Potter, You're taking me to Hogsmeade" said Daphne on the way out of the room.

Harry must have looked shocked.

"Everyone knows, and because it's a cursed contract, I'm getting less crap than I could have."

"Sure. This weekend?" asked Harry.

"And Tomorrow night" she said.

"What?"

"You said you could sneak out. You're sneaking me out, and we're having a 'date' in Hogsmeade."

"We're prefects"

"So what" said Daphne. "I've made five gallons off that firewhiskey"

"Don't you mean galleons?"

"No, gallons, I cut it with Filch's floor cleaner and sell to the boys"

"You're unbelievable" said Harry. "What about the trunk you just got"

"Oh I expect I'll make ten or fifteen off that"

"Some of it's old, and half-drunken" said Harry nervously.

"And that's why I cut it with floor cleaner and sell it to boys" she said, smiling sweetly.

-==0==-

"What do you do all night" asked Ron, sitting on his bed in the dorm room.

"Practice Reparo, mostly." said Harry honestly.

"Eh, why?"

"I've got to get my own house after school, and furnish it. Broken stuff is cheap. So Reparo" said Harry.

"You're as bad as Mum and Dad" said Ron. "Always fixing everything. 'Cept clothes, they do get a bit thin to spell back to good"

Harry suddenly saw the Weasleys clothes and trunks in a different light. Their house was quirky, true, but nice, and their furniture used, but whole. He suddenly had the urge to talk to Mr Weasley about his family budget. How much do jobs pay anyway. Where do you get food, if you're magical. Harry realised he had no idea. But Daphne... she was already making them money. And poisoning senior year Slytherin males, but really, who cared.

Harry wrote a letter. Hedgwig needed some flying anyway.

-==0==-

Harry led Daphne to the statue of the humpbacked witch "Dissendium" he said.

Daphne got Harry to buy three bottles of firewhiskey at the Hogs Head, then they went to the Three Broomsticks, where she sat at a table, and Harry got them butterbeers.

"Potter, you're not completely useless" said Daphne, drinking butterbeer.

"Daphne, I, um… you really have good ideas about making money." said Harry, and dived into a butterbeer.

They took some medicine in the tunnel before they re-emerged out of the witches hump. It tasted of butterbeer.

-==0==-

Harry carefully read the long letter from Mister Weasley, folded it and stored it in his trunk to refer to later. Mister Weasley was Harry's new hero. Given the minuscule salary he got paid, his, and his wife's skills in making food and clothes and a house keep going on practically no money… If Harry could do half of that, his vault wouldn't ever empty out.

Over the next week, Dobby's trip to Gringotts to drop off jewels made Daphne three hundred and twenty galleons. Harry was pretty sure that was a lot. Mister Weasley said he got thirty a year. The Jewellery made less, sold to a jeweller for recycling mostly, but still, another hundred galleons. The bucket of wands Daphne got her father to take to someone and they made four hundred galleons off it. By the end of the week, Daphne had made nearly a thousand galleons, and Harry was certain that the secondhand store, that was on the verge of being leased for next summer, would make a tidy profit.

Instead of organising via mirror, Harry just spent all his free time in the come and go room, fixing and tidying. When Daphne announced that the Hogshead would pay a sickle a crate for bottles, Harry was forced to admit that even empty bottles were worth money. Then, after casting 'evanesco' for an entire Saturday, that half empty bottles of dubious liquid were worth money too.

Daphne made him Accio swords, axes and daggers. It was really good shield practice. The goblins bought the weapons for a surprising sum of galleons. Daphne had looked disappointed when Harry wasn't horribly injured, though she did look slightly impressed.

By second term, the piles of junk, once so high and disordered, started to look different to Harry, like piles of galleons, just not exchanged yet. They were getting less disorderly too.

One evening, after "prefect patrols" Harry leaned over and kissed Daphne, for medicinal reasons. It was as natural as drinking pumpkin juice.

Daphne had taken to doing silly impressions using the vast piles of odd clothes, to make Harry laugh. She'd sing funny songs. Her singing was very… pretty.

"Accio wig" she cried and there was a tinkling sound like falling jewellery, followed by a dusty old wig flying over the mounds of junk.

"Did you hear that?" asked Harry.

"Yeah, jewellery"

"And it couldn't be summoned." said Harry

"So it's magical… and therefore valuable" said Daphne.

It took an hour to find it, a thin, corroded jewelled tiara.

Harry went to pick it up and felt a sudden unease. "There's something very odd about this" he said.

He could almost hear a chittering sound. "It's making a weird sound, and my scar hurts" he said.

"Eeek" said Daphne, drawing back.

"Is it cursed?" asked Harry

"Hmm. I'll try a detection charm" Daphne cast something complicated and the tiara glowed a malevolent purple.

"That's cursed" she said. Harry bent down and really looked at it. His scar hurt. He fell over backwards and scrambled away from it.

"What is it Harry?" asked Daphne, as Harry panted.

"It's really dark. I've seen something like this before.. It had Voldemort's memories in it. We need to stab it with a basilisk fang." said a panicky Harry.

"Is it safe to touch" asked Daphne.

Harry shook his head vigorously "No. Really really un-safe."

"Well, get a box." said Daphne practically. "I'll owl father"

"Or we could get Dobby to go get one"

"With my letter. Otherwise Father will think someones robbing him" said Daphne sensibly.

She gave him a hug before they parted on the stairs.

-==0==-

The next night.

Wearing a pair of dragon-hide gloves covered in chunks of some kind of long-forgotten mortar, Harry stabbed the tiara. There was an ear-splitting shriek and a black cloud oozed out of the tiara and faded away.

"What was that?" said Daphne, showing great restraint.

"Well, that's distressingly familiar. I'll have to tell Professor Dumbledore" said Harry.

"I thought you didn't trust him" asked Daphne, frowning.

"And I don't" said Harry. "But he knows about this kind of stuff"

"What's your story?" asked Daphne, tilting her head.

"I found it in the room of lost things,stabbed it with a basilisk fang." said Harry.

"Don't be drawn on details" said Daphne. "And keep it, the jeweller will pay for silver and gold"

Harry nodded.

Dumbledore was astonished. And upset, but let Harry sod off back to his bed. Harry accidentally picked up a book on the way out. Dumbledore clearly hadn't wanted it.

As Harry had expected, Harry learned nothing… which was itself learning something; Hanging around with Daphne was doing things to his brain.

'Mischief Managed' thought Harry.

-==0==-

Harry was working in the Come and Go room, sorting using Accio, trying to not even say the words, when he noticed Daphne Greengrass's feet on the map, making a beeline from the slytherin dungeons, to the Kitchens.

Harry grabbed the invisibilty cloak and set off, using all the shortcuts, including a complicated secret corridor that went uphill one floor, and let you out four floors lower down. He arrived and sneaked through the door. Daphne Greengrass, in heavy robes was sitting at a small table in the corner, out of the way, stuffing her face with icecream. Harry tiptoed over.

"Stupid boy" she muttered, taking another spoonful of icecream.

Harry froze. Daphne continued to consume an entire bowl of icecream, muttering and sulking.

Harry was wondering what was going on, when Daphne suddenly winced and grabbed her stomach. "owww" she groaned.

Daphne was eating icecream, grumpy and having pains… Oh. Harry didn't move.

Daphne got up, thanked the house-elf who ran over to sieze her bowl and spoon, and walked slowly out of the kitchen. As she passed Harry, she sniffed and looked about, looking confused, but sighed and left the kitchen. Harry followed closes behind her and let the portrait door close on the kitchen.

He waited by the kitchen until Daphne's feet on the map showed she was long out of earshot.

Harry took the mirror out of his pocket and called "Prongs".

Nothing happened.

Then, after what felt like forever, the mirror changed to display Daphne Greengrasses face with a dungeon hallway as a backdrop.

"Hello Daphne" said Harry.

"Harry" said Daphne.

"I, um… I'd like a hug" said Harry.

"I'm on the way back to the Slytherin common room. Meet me in the abandoned potions lab behind the stairs" she said, sounding irritated, yet not at Harry.

Harry followed the map and opened the door and entered, and took off his invisibility cloak.

Daphne Greengrass stood there "Well?"

Harry walked over and hugged her. She stood stiffly for a bit, then rested her head on his shoulder.

Harry made no move to move, save for resting his head against hers.

"Thanks" said Daphne after a while.

"I.. I wanted a hug" said Harry.

"Goodnight" said Daphne. Harry kissed her cheek and left.

Behind him, Daphne Greengrass stood, her hand to her cheek, looking happy.

-==0==-

Harry got an invite to a wedding at the Weasleys. He was going to skip it, then realised Greengrass would read about it in the Prophet , and put him back in hospital, again.

Harry hadn't been there much, but he knew the Weasleys, and Ron was a mate.

Ron's big bother, Bill who apparently was Indiana Jones (bless Sirius and the bankroll of pound notes over summer) was getting married. To Fleur Delacour, who remembered Harry, and thought he should come.

Harry felt strangely sad... not that that was unusual, but he had to take her with him. So he wrote a letter.

'Daphne Greengrass,

Dear Daphne,

I have been invited to a wedding of some friends. As there will be dancing and I wish to stay alive, I would like to bring you as my date. It is in three weeks, and it is Bill Weasley marrying Fleur Delacour. The wedding will be at the Burrow, Ottery St Catchpole, Devon. Bill is a curse-breaker with Gringotts, as is Fleur.

Do you agree to come along? We will dance, obviously, and take in a wedding.

Harry Potter.

'

Daphne flooed over the next day. It was an interesting process; not their cursed wedding, but they had to turn up in outfits of equal dressiness; dress robes all round. And in colours that worked as a couple. In the end, it cost Harry two hundred galleons for their robes, and Daphne was very odd the whole time. She kept looking at him like she was expecting something.

Once at the actual wedding, Harry danced with Daphne to the best of his limited ability, and for a while, he cheated, closed his eyes and imagined that he was with someone he loved.

If he'd been a third party, he'd have seen Daphne had her eyes shut too. As it was, Ron and Hermione saw and thought they were being all lovey together.

After the dancing bit, Harry watched Fred and George getting literally burnt trying to pick up Fleur's Veela, or was that part Veela cousins.

"Cretins" said Daphne Greengrass.

"The cousins are Veela" said Harry

"You're unaffected" observed Greengrass.

"I have you" said Harry sarcastically. Daphne rolled her eyes. "Moron" she said.

-==0==-

Just before the start of Seventh year.

The secondhand store had netted five hundred galleons, and the rent had only been fifty.

"We're hiring someone to keep the shop running. We make more in a day than wages for a clerk, so by the end of the year, we'll have sold all the stock… including the all we put in the manor house and have a tidy pile of galleons." said Daphne.

"We should sell the stock to another shop, quit the shop like we planned" said Harry.

"Coward" said Daphne.

Harry didn't know what to do. So he asked Sirius.

"I wouldn't know the first thing about making money. Just do what Daphne says" said Sirius.

"But I've already argued" said Harry.

"And you might be right, but you might not be. You have to trust her judgement, she's made you two a pretty pile of galleons so far" said Sirius.

"She sells confiscated booze in the Slytherin dorms" complained Harry.

"Huh, we did that in seventh year" said Sirius chuckling. "Your dad would confiscate it, and sneak it past your mum and I'd sell it in glasses. Always sell it in glasses."

"Huh?"

"So nobody gets too drunk. Nobody resells it, And you know who's drinking what, and because you make more money" said Sirius.

Harry gave in. He suspected it was going to be a theme in his so-called life.

He went out to Muggle London, and found an arcade and played shooting games for a while. The game took all his money, and left him slightly over-excited. He supposed it was better than nothing.

-==0==-

Seventh Year started, as traditional, with Draco Malfoy visiting Harry on the train.

Harry was not a prefect this year; He'd begged off for NEWTs… and to spend more time turning the room of lost things into the room of galleons as a nest-egg.

Besides, Ron and Hermione looked spiffy in their Prefect badges.

And as neither of them knew where Harry disappeared to, his evening Snog sessions… carefully metered out to every five days now, were going to be uninterrupted. Well except for fixing the growing mountain of furniture. Stacked neatly over at Tom Riddles' old house, it started to look like a real furniture shop.

"Potter!" yelled Malfoy, breaking Harry out of his revere.

Harry looked up from his textbook "Oh, Malfoy. Good to see you, How were the holidays?"

Draco shook with anger. "You can't ignore me. Just because you're betrothed to Daphne Greengrass, you're still a stupid halfblood."

"Actually Draco, as I did not choose to be Daphne's future husband, it's not exactly a thing I regard as positive" said Harry, in a bored tone.

"Her family is in the sacred twenty-eight, they're too good for you, you should be kissing her feet!" said Draco.

Harry choked. Her feet… ulp. He sat. not thinking about the feet.

"Potter?" have you gone mad?" asked Draco loudly.

"And.. there we go again….I'm sure you're going to chose your bride.?" asked Harry, desperately trying not to think about Greengrasses feet. Not in company.

Draco muttered and blushed.

"And I never get to" said Harry

"Greengrass is beautiful and pureblooded, what's more to want!" said Draco.

"Thank you for complementing her." said Harry. "But some love, ever, would be nice." said Harry drily. 'I'm starting to sound like Professor Snape' thought Harry, suddenly more self-aware.

Silence from Draco and his goons.

"You'd be interested to know, Draco that the contract I'm under is much like the one that drove your dear Aunt Bellatrix insane. You know, how she's in Azkaban, has been most of our lives. SO If you don't mind, I'm trying to enjoy my life… what little there is left of it before one or other of us is driven insane by the curses in the marriage contract and starts hexing all and sundry." said Harry.

Draco snorted "As If, you two go to Hogsmeade, you're a normal couple."

Harry flicked his wand out and with a twist, tipped Draco, Crabbe and Goyle upside down.

"Malfoy, much as I find personally find Pansy distasteful, she at least likes you. Greengrass and I are cursed to be together, and been have to … do things to avoid the courting clauses cursing us. Ask your Mother about them, but be warned, you're only a hanger-on in the Blacks, so you can't inflict them on any of Your children.

"I'd never do that to a child of mine!" said Draco. "Its inhumane!"

"And calling a child Draco isn't?" retorted Harry.

His visitors sodded off.

Times like this, Harry really hated the thing called his life.

Daphne went past later, and didn't stop. She was still prefecting.

Harry went back to his book. Transfiguration was dead useful for fixing things, and charms for fixing things… and, well, turning evening into galleons.

"Oy Potter!" said Daphne Greengrass later, standing over him.

"Harry looked up "Greengrass" he said. 'Wonder what scheme shes cooking up now'

"Your trunk. Open it I'm searching it for contraband." she didn't seem to be kidding.

Harry looked at Daphne "Come on Daphne" he said.

Daphne flicked her wand and slammed the door. Another flick pulled the blind down.

"Open your trunk Potter, or I'll open it for you" she said.

Harry opened his trunk. In one corner, neatly packed were a case of butterbeer, and a bottle of firewhiskey.

"Contraband" said Daphne, and pulled it out, and put it in a carry-bag she conveniently had.

"You're honestly shaking me down for contraband" said Harry incredulous.

"And you'll get a detention" she said.

"Are you just getting back at me for arguing about the shop?" asked Harry.

"I'm getting free stock for my booze store. You, you get detention with filch for a night."

"That cuts into my furniture fixing time. That costs you money" said Harry.

"You argued. It's worth one days profits" said Daphne viciously.

She left. Harry really, really disliked her right now. Then as she left, he saw the shape of her rear end. Damn she was growing up pretty.

-==0==-

Professor McGonagall had words to say to him before the feast.

"Harry Potter, why are you always making trouble. Attempting to smuggle alcohol onto the school grounds. Your detention is quite justified. Prefect Greengrass has shown an admirable level of professional integrity, where you gave up prefect-ship to spend more time doing god-knows-what. If you had been bringing in perhaps some butterbeer, that would have been a different matter. Not firewhiskey. That was crossing the line. Enjoy cleaning toilets with Mister Filch for a night."

Harry got into the feast, having missed most of the sorting.

The new Defence against the Dark arts teacher seemed to wear a lot of pink, and talk about incomprehensible things. Still, how bad could it be. Slughorn had retired (again), putting Snape back into potions.

-==0==-

A day later.

Harry was stacking some tables he'd repaired into neat, piles in the room of requirement when the door opened and Daphne Greengrass, Prefect came in.

"Map" she said, without any preamble.

"Why should I let you use my map?" asked Harry.

"So that I can save the night for more profitable activities"

"You could have dumped being a prefect and saved more time"

"Seventh year prefect sounds pretty good on a CV." said Daphne.

"A job?"

"I could get a ministry job, keep my penniless husband" said Daphne.

"Who's rich and has a job restoring furniture, with the help of his friend Dobby" said Harry defensively.

"I might want a real job, something challenging." said Daphne.

"Well, do you?" said Harry, interested.

"I'm going to apply to the ministry, Department of Mysteries."

"What do they do?"

"Study mysterious magic" she said.

"Is the pay okay?"

"Better than selling stolen furniture" said Daphne.

"Well, you do that, if you want to"

"You're not going to stop me, or fight, or complain?" asked Daphne

"No, you want to, if you can get it, go for it." said Harry, turning back to a table.

"Why are you so damn reasonable about that?" asked Daphne.

"Why not" asked Harry, turning and looking at Daphne, curiously.

Daphne shook her head "You fight about keeping the shop open, but you don't care what I do for a job?"

"Oh, as long as you want to do it, feel free" said Harry.

"Men" she said.

"You want the map?"

"Yes, now"

Harry handed his just-after the end of final-term wife the map.

She checked it quickly.

"Who's your patrol partner?"

"Weasley"

"Ron?"

"He shot off as soon as I said I as going to the library to get the map from you" said Daphne.

"Where'd he go ?"

Daphne scanned the map, folding out sections for awhile. "Broom cupboard with Granger"

Harry wanted brain bleach, but still snorted.

"Don't judge them, they actually like each other" said Daphne and shuddered "Why she's with him, he's a gross eater and lazy"

Harry wanted to defend Ron, but really, was starting to feel that hid friend Hermione deserved, well, better then Ron. Only Seamus acted worse in the dorm room in his year.

"So do we do it today, or wait three more days?" asked Harry.

"What, you want to snog early?" asked Daphne

"Might as well" said Harry.

Daphne looked at him "No" she said. "I am not sick, though I could use a laugh, needed two teaspoons of sugar this morning.

"You know we could get some fresh Amortentia..." said Harry.

"I don't think I'm ever going to want to do that" Daphne shook her head.

"Well I bloody do. I want to love someone, to feel loved. And the only someone can be you, because of some fucked up ancestors." Harry sat on the table nearest him.

"I just wish there was some way out of this." said Daphne, gazing across the piles of junk

"I have an idea" she said suddenly.

"An idea?" asked Harry.

"There's a potion that can change a persons family tree" said Daphne.

"It what?"

"It was traditionally used for blood adoptions. It ensures the adopted child becomes an actual descendant of their adopting parent."

"How would that help us?" asked Harry.

"You could take it, become someone the contract won't bind to, and the contract would be invalid."

"Why Me?"

"Because my heritage matters. You'd probably have to use it to become a bastard"

"A bastard"

"It would make the contract invalid"

"Invalid?"

"Like the one with the Riddle girl"

"So I take a potion of make myself a bastard and there we go" said Harry. "Great, who do you suggest I take on as my new father? Severus Snape?"

"Sorry I was just trying to help." said Daphne.

"Maybe what's what we need to do" said Harry. "I'll owl Sirius."

-==0==-

The next day a letter came

'Dear Harry and Daphne,

Sorry Kids, it won't work.

Because I adopted Harry, that's all that matters.

Using the potion on Miss Greengrass might work but would ruin her life thereafter.

I did find an exit clause. It is guaranteed to work, but it does take five years. As long as you two don't have a child, five years after the marriage, the contract terminates.

Sirius'

"Well, at least it isn't going to be forever" said Daphne, and sighed.

"We don't have choices about being IN this horrible contract." said Harry.

"Don't remind me"

"And we're not going to like each other anytime soon" said Harry.

"Hasn't happened in a year" said Daphne sarcastically.

"Lets just leave that there" said Harry.

"Here's my idea. We're both chained to the same oar, right" said Harry.

"Indeed"

"So, I will try, from now on to make this horrible marriage thing as not awful as I can." said Harry.

"How?"

"Well, for example you wanted to dance right?"

"And we danced, poorly on the front hall of Hogwarts." said Daphne

"And at Bill and Fleur's wedding"

Daphne looked pissed off. Given that was how Harry normally saw her, he continued.

"We're in a room that can literally be anything. We can have our own ballroom. We can dance" said Harry.

"You don't want to" accused Daphne.

"I like to get my grove on, proper dancing's not that different, and it'll make you happy" said Harry.

"And my happiness matters to you why?"

"We're chained to the same oar. We might as well not be miserable" reasoned Harry.

Daphne sat, angrily for a bit.

"So that implies we'll have as normal a wedding as we can?" she asked.

"Yeah, with dresses and flowers and all that stuff." said Harry.

"Not just a signature in a Ministry office" asked Daphne.

"Not that" said Harry.

They sat silently.

"So you see, my idea is that we accept the things we can't change, they are all awful. But I can be nice about it" said Harry.

"I'm not doing more than swap spit with you" said Daphne.

"Of course not. We just… we don't" said Harry.

"We don't." said Daphne emphatically.

"But we can hug, and we do know how to swap spit" said Harry.

"Is this all about you getting a snog?" asked Daphne.

Harry led Daphne back into the room. The ballroom was magnificent, with a full orchestra of magical musical instruments. And a love seat, for resting on.

'She's not that devious, for a Slytherin, really' thought Harry on the way back to Griffindor tower, lips bruised, feet sore. But she is a great snogger.

-==0==-

Wednesday saw Harry's first Defence against the Dark arts class.

He walked into the classroom, prepared to see ghoulish pictures of tortured bodies (like Snape had put up). Creepy dark creatures (Like Lupin had kept around) , or even Creepy pictures of the teacher (Like Lockheart). Instead, the walls were covered in decorated china plates. All decorated with... kittens. Cute, big eyed kittens, some with bows on their heads, some playing with balls of yarn. Harry still wasn't entirely sure he liked cats, Crookshanks was okay, he supposed, but Mrs Figgs' cats growing up had made Harry leery of cat-lovers.

"Books out, Wands away" said the Teacher, a black bow in her hair, a revolting pink dress around her toad-shaped body.

Harry got the book out and opened it. After a few seconds of reading, he put his hand up. A year of DADA with Snape had taught him some self-control.

"Yes, Mister Potter" asked the Teacher.

"This book, is there a mistake. It's a bit, well, it's for first years, isn't it?" asked Harry.

"Slinkhards book is the only book needed for a defence against the dark arts course" said the Teacher firmly.

"But, there are no spells in it" said Harry.

The teacher glared at him. Harry ignored it, as Daphne had sort of burned out his being glared at receiver in his brain.

"Are you implying that you, a student have a better idea of what should be in the course than a Ministry appointed teacher, like me?" said the Teacher. Harry racked his brain but couldn't remember her name.

"How are we going to pass the NEWT practical if we learn no spells" asked Su Li.

The Teacher rounded on Su. "No asking questions without raising your hand and being acknowledged. Now all of you, read chapter one"

Harry couldn't help himself "This is bullshit. We need a proper textbook, or we'll fail the exam" he said loudly.

"Mister Potter, Detention, and fifty points from Griffindor" said the Teacher.

Harry sat and read the pointless book, fuming.

At the end of class the teacher said "Mister Potter, your detention is at eight, my office."

…

Harry left the office clutching his hand. That had to be illegal. He hurried to McGonagall's office.

"Professor" he said, knocking on the door.

"Come in" said Deputy Headmistress McGonagall.

"The new Defence Professor" said Harry.

"Professor Umbridge" said the Professor.

"Professor Umbridge gave me a detention. She made me use a quill that used my own blood to write lines." said Harry, and showed his bleeding right hand to Professor McGonagall, his other hand also dripping with blood.

"Get some dittany on that" she said "Professor Umbridge is here at the behest of the ministry, she has powerful connections. Keep your head down." she explained.

Harry straightened up and nodded "I understand" said Harry.

Professor McGonagall nodded "Will that be all?" she asked.

"Yes Professor" said Harry and left, putting on his invisibility cloak.

He rushed to the third floor corridor and quickly slipped down the tunnel towards Honeydukes.

Once he was about half way, he called "Kreacher!"

Kreacher the elf appeared with a pop "Halfbood master" he croaked.

"Kreacher, bring my gun" said Harry.

Kreacher nodded "Master is going to kill some filth?"

"A big pink toad" said Harry. "You may not tell anyone I called you, what I got you to bring, or why"

"Master is a Black after all" said Kreacher happily, and disappeared with a hard crack.

Kreacher reappeared with Harry's gun a few minutes later. "Traitorous Muggle-loving Master was in the kitchen" said Kreacher, handing Harry his gun and holster.

Harry took off his robes "You may go, Kreacher" he said, put the holster on and put his robes back on.

"Master does not require Kreacher to dispose of the body?" asked Kreacher.

"I think we will be subtle" said Harry. Kreacher sighed and popped off.

-==0==-

A week later.

Harry knocked on Professor Umbridge's door, while wearing his invisibility cloak and thin gloves. The door clicked and swung open "Come in" she called

Harry slipped into the room, and pushed the door shut, crouching low, and shot Umbridge twice in the chest. She'd been drawing her wand, and collapsed in a blubbery heap.

Harry checked for paintings, saw none, just more hideous kittens on plates, and without taking off the cloak, transfigured Umbridge's bullet holes away. God Moody was a great teacher. Fake Moody had his good points too.

Having cleaned up the blood, picked up the casings and ensure the bullets were vanished, Harry opened the desk drawers and put Umbridge's collection of black quills, which all felt vaguely magical, on her desk blotter.

He left the room, fairly sure He'd left no magical traces, bullets or evidence. He went on up to the seventh floor and went to the room of requirement.

The Room was still quite full of things, but Harry needed his gun to be somewhere else. Eventually he had an idea, and he transfigured it into a stuffed parrot on a perch. Well, after fifty attempts that were all terrible.

The next day, Aurors turned up and ran about. They questioned a number of students, and even Harry.

"Did you cast a lethal spell on Professor Umbridge" asked one Auror, while the other covered Harry with a wand.

"No" said Harry, feeling the vague headache he associated with Snape and Dumbledore.

"He's telling the truth" said the Auror with the wand.

Umbridge was replaced with a succession of Aurors on what was clearly a punishment detail.

After one lesson, they replaced the textbook with the one from the year before. Harry rejoiced, as the leaving seventh years had left a dozen, which all ended up in the room of lost things. He'd made ten galleons.

"Was it you" asked Daphne one evening, in the Room.

Harry just kept cleaning bottles.

-==0==-

A week later

The Daily Prophet ran a story about a mysterious death of several prominent, Dark leaning people. They had apparently all died at a party, from some sort of magical poisoning. Reading between the lines, Harry saw the handiwork of Mad-Eye Moody. God he loved that crazy old man.

Harry didn't recognise all the names, but Nott, Avery, Crabbe, Goyle, MacNair and Malfoy were memorable looking. It looked like the Department of Mysteries was doing something… mysterious.

Daphne came to see him that evening "Things have changed" she said.

"The deaths?" asked Harry.

"Theo Nott's in change of his family now, so is Draco." said Daphne

"Dracos' mum?" asked Harry.

"Wearing the pants" nodded Daphne.

Harry smiled "Fancy a dance?"

"Haven't got time…" said Daphne, suddenly thoughtful. "Did you do it?" she asked.

Harry signed "Not till after we're married" he said.

Daphne burst out laughing.

"What?"

"That's what good girls say to their fiancee's" said Daphne.

"Oh, so are you good?" asked Harry.

"Oh, you'd like to know" said Daphne.

"We're marrying in August, I'd like to find out" said Harry.

Daphne snorted "Oh… what a pickup line" she said.

Wedding day. August 3rd, 1997.

They were in a church near Daphne's home. All surrounded with muggle repelling wards for the day.

Harry walked up the aisle and waited for Daphne to arrive.

The officiating wizard was an old one, with wispy hair and glasses. He seemed cheerful. Harry and Daphne hadn't told him just how cursed their contract was. It wouldn't help.

Ron stood beside Harry, holding the rings. Over on the pews, in the front row left, Daphne's mother blew her nose. Astoria looked impressed with the pomp. On the right side, Sirius and Remus looked like serious adults. Daphne's friends and relatives on the left, Harry's on the right. Okay, the right side wasn't crowded.

A Bridal march of some kind played; Harry had no idea what it was, but Daphne had liked it; played.

Daphne came up the aisle with her father, Daphne wearing a fancy white wedding dress. She did look very pretty once she lifted her veil. Her father Cyrus stood to one side in fancy silver robes and looked important.

Harry and Daphne recited the vows from the parchment; the vows they couldn't eliminate.

"I Harry James Potter swear an oath of fidelity; to cleave only to Daphne Isobel, forsaking all others. I swear an oath of loyalty to Daphne Isobel, to hold her secrets close, to defend her from all threats. I swear an oath of domesticity to Daphne Isobel, to find my hearth and home only with Daphne Isobel. These things I swear till the end of my days."

"I Daphne Isobel Greengrass swear an oath of fidelity; to cleave only to Harry James Potter, forsaking all others. I swear an oath of loyalty to Harry James Potter, to hold his secrets close, to defend her from all threats. I swear an oath of domesticity to Harry James Potter, to find my hearth and home only with Harry James Potter. These things I swear till the end of my days."

At the end of that Harry put an heirloom Potter family wedding ring onto Daphne's finger and she slid a gold band onto Harry's ring finger.

"I now pronounce them man and wife" said the officiator. Harry liked the sound of it, he'd heard the line in TV shows and movies and Daphne had shrugged when he'd suggested it during planning.

Then they kissed publicly, just a quick peck.

They turned to the exit, and music played. Harry couldn't remember what it was called but it was music for leaving to.

He held Daphne's hand and walked slowly down the aisle out of the church.

They rode back to Daphne's house in a rented car, all the outside activities were arranged to be Statute Safe, so they could use muggle vehicles.

They got out and went into Daphne's parents ballroom. It was set up with round tables and chairs, all covered in white linen. They sat at the big centre table, Daphne smiled a lot at everyone.

Harry tried to remember as much as he could of what was happening. Daphne did look like a beautiful bride.

They were eating the first course when Daphne stopped, patted her lips with a napkin and said "We're freer now than we were. No gala clause, no courting clauses. Just Fidelity Loyalty and Domesticity." she said.

Harry smiled at her "Well that's hardly difficult is it. Not being at risk of sudden death on the dance floor, quite a weight off my mind." he said.

Daphne laughed.

"Now, Mrs Potter, we should dance. It is expected" said Harry, standing.

Harry and Daphne danced slowly in the middle of the dance floor, their eyes shut. Daphne's mum cried, Mrs Weasley cried and Remus cried. Remus had started crying as soon as he got to the reception. His date, an Auror with Pink hair wasn't sure what to do with a six foot two werewolf sobbing. Sirius was watching, pensively.

After the speeches and dinner, Harry turned to Daphne and said "I have a present for you."

Daphne looked at him "Today is a pretty good effort, Potter" she said, a small smile on her face.

"I got Dobby and another elf to fix my parents cottage" he said.

"Oh, I don't think it would be good to live there" said Daphne quickly, her face falling.

"Oh I wouldn't do that. I can still remember them dying there. I sold it to muggles. And they paid an absolute fortune for it. I made two hundred thousand galleons." said Harry, winking.

Daphne looked at Harry "You made what!" she said, looking surprised.

"So I think we can afford a nice house and still have lots of savings" said Harry.

Daphne blinked, gave a sob and threw her arms around Harry and hugged him "You amaze me. I thought we'd have to buy or even rent something terrible. And you did this"

"So you like it" Harry asked.

"I think you've outdone yourself." she said and kissed him, briefly.

It felt like every other kiss, but with simple affection behind it. Not love, because, well they didn't Love each other, but it was the best kiss Harry had ever had.

Harry was pretty sure that he could cast a Patronus off the memory of that kiss.

-==0==-

A month Later…

Harry was going back to the shop after lunch at the leaky when he was disarmed of his wand and dragged down an alleyway by two wizards. A sneering Marcus Flint pointed a wand at him "You're going to die Potter. Dumbledore can't save you now, you filthy halfblood, you'll die for touching a pure-blood witch like Greengrass."

Harry put his hand in his robe pocket. "Crack Crack Crack Crack" went the Glock.

The other guy was Rosier, Harry thought. They both bled a lot of pure blood.

It really was his lucky gun. And Dobby was really disturbingly good at cleaning up dead bodies. Kreacher, he understood, but Dobby... oh Lucius Malfoy. Maybe the father who heard about things from Draco had had some nasty hobbies. It sort of figured.

-==0==-

Five months Later…

Harry apparated home from the shop, they'd sold a third of the furniture he'd repaired and it was less a junk store and more an antique furniture store now. The shoes and robes still sold, knuts piling up.

Dobby and his friend Winky had come to an arrangement of some sort, and they took the piles of furniture and other saleable goods from Hogwarts and stored it in the manor house. They hadn't technically paid to use it, but whoever owned it, hadn't used it in years, it seemed pretty good at the price. It was a lot drier than the chamber of secrets, so Harry felt confident he wouldn't have to fix stored furniture twice.

Harry had cleaned up the main rooms and a couple of bedrooms, and saw no reason to seek out a landlord who did no property repairs.

Daphne had done quite well in NEWTs getting 4 EE's and the rest A's, and got an entry-level job in the ministry. Supposedly in the DMLE, but Harry knew she was an Unspeakable, in the Department of Mysteries. Having an invisibility cloak meant you learnt a lot about your wife, even if you didn't share bedrooms. 'Oh for a pensive' Harry thought, a camera would be too dangerous.

Everyone seemed surprised that the boy-who-lived, and came first equal in the Tri-Wizard cup was running a furniture shop, with three EE NEWTs, but free publicity was free marketing.

Harry went into the kitchen and checked on the casserole he'd set going in the morning. It was ready to eat, and it would not matter if Daphne came home now, or in an hour.

Harry sat down with the duplicate accounts books Daphne gave him and tried to do the accounts for the business for the day. It was difficult… not the maths, the accounting part.

He toiled away, and thought about eating. He didn't actually wait for Daphne to come home before eating, it was just a sort of almost joint meal.

The door opened and Daphne came inside.

"Evening Dear, how was work" said Harry, setting the ledgers on the sideboard and getting out some bowls.

Daphne snorted "Fine. How was the shop?" she asked, hanging up her travelling cloak and washing her hands in the kitchen sink.

"Thirty eight galleons" said Harry.

"Today?" said Daphne, her hands still under the running water.

"Two tables" said Harry proudly.

"You're making my ministry salary look bad" said Daphne, turning off the taps and drying her hands on the tea-towel that hung in front of the wood stove.

"Only today." laughed Harry, spooning casserole into bowls.

"What's dinner?" said Daphne, sitting down.

"Griffin casserole" said Harry, putting the plates on the table.

Daphne flicked his ear "Chicken I assume?" she said.

"Yeah" he said, waving his wand at the breadbox and levitating some buns over to sit on the centre plate.

They ate quietly, saying what came to mind.

After dinner, cleaned up with some pretty fancy wand-work by Daphne, Harry turned on the Wizarding wireless Arthur Weasley hand given them as a wedding present, and tuned in the dance music channel.

They stood in the spacious sitting room and danced slowly to the music, their eyes closed.

After half an hour of dancing, Harry went to his room and went to bed, read some of his favourite book, and as usual, cried himself to sleep.

-==0==-

A month later

Harry apparated to the back to the manor and looked at the dwindling pile of furniture in the spare rooms.

Business was good, but the spare rooms Harry used as storage were emptying out.

'There's still lots at Hogwarts' he thought.

Being end of term in a month, he had an idea.

That night after dinner, he pulled out the marauders map and placed it on the dinner table.

"Hey Daphne, come see this… It's interesting"

Harry poked the locked map with standard revealing spells and the marauders insults began to show.

Daphne came around the table and looked and poked the map a bit with her wand.

She snorted at some of the insults.

"So how does it work?" asked Harry, "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good"

"Why are you using the map now?" asked Daphne, sitting down next to Harry, her elbows on the table.

"I'm thinking about going in with Dobby and Winky and getting more furniture. The spare rooms are getting emptier." said Harry.

"I think we should get ownership of this place. Not because I work for the ministry, but because the muggles could turn up and cause problems" said Daphne, resting her head on her hands.

"You were okay with it at the time" said Harry, looking at his wife and wishing, wishing he had love in his life.

"You're a mostly respectable business and if you keep going, we'll have a long-term business that keeps us quite comfortable."

"I'll eventually run out of junk from Hogwarts" said Harry.

"We can take some profits, use it to buy an estate sale" explained Daphne.

"A what?"

"A house gets sold with all it's junk. Houses get sold surprisingly cheaply, full of stock we could fix and sell" said Daphne.

"How did you find out about this?" asked Harry.

"The ministry internal newsletter lists the sales."

"The dirty dogs" said Harry, indignantly.

"You have your agent on the inside" said Daphne, winking.

"In the DMLE" said Harry, and laughed.

Daphne frowned at him "It's a secret."

"So how does the map do the insults" asked Harry.

"It looks" Daphne cast a few strange spells "They come from some fixed lists"

"So nothing really clever" said Harry.

"The map's function is very clever. It's tied into the magic of the whole castle. Really it's very well done."

Daphne sat for awhile "You should tell me some secrets" she said.

'Oh yes, Mrs Potter, I would like to explain how to get into Hogwarts.'

"How?"

"The secret tunnel comes out in the basement of Honeydukes. It terminates on the third floor, in the hump of the humpbacked witch. The hump opens when you say dissendium"

"We used that for our date in sixth year" said Daphne.

"Not a lot of people know about it" said Harry.

"Who else knows?" asked Daphne.

"The Weasley twins, Lee Jordan, Sirius." said Harry.

"Why Sirius"

"Because Sirius, Remus and my Father made the map while they were at school" said Harry.

"I'm impressed"

"I'm mostly annoyed. Sirius's party trick with the will made me jealous." said Harry.

Daphne laughed. "The boy who lived, jealous."

"Daphne, I have a bigger secret" said Harry.

"Oh, are you gay?" asked Daphne.

"Not that" said Harry.

"Oh" Daphne seemed disappointed.

"I may have… shot a bunch of people" said Harry quickly.

"Yes in 1994." said Daphne nodding. "Did you kill Umbridge?"

"Yeah" said Harry. "She was using a cursed quill in detentions. It used your blood as ink, and cut your hand to ribbons."

Daphne blinked "You could have complained" she said.

"McGonagall said she was too well connected, and to keep my head down" said Harry.

Daphne laughed "So you killed the toad" she said.

"Well, not just her" said Harry. "Flint's not missing. He pulled a wand on me with Rosier in Diagon"

"Okay."said Daphne, "Tell me more. This is a cup of tea story , or a cup of firewhiskey story?" she asked.

"Tea, we both have work tomorrow" said Harry.

"So it all begins in 1993, when I saved Sirius for a hundred Dementors"

Daphne coughed.

Harry pulled his wand out and cast a Patronus. It was a huge, glowing silver stag. Prongs pranced over and sniffed Daphne. She raised an a hand and felt the silvery mist.

"You've never showed me you could do that, I'm.. I'd say really impressed, but I really want to say, how?, and teach me how!" said Daphne, shaking her head in disbelief.

"So I saved Sirius from the Dementors, and he escaped on the hippogriff that was supposed to be executed."

"How does that work?" asked Daphne. Prongs kept sniffing her.

'Hermione and I used time turner to ride the hippogriff to the tower Sirius was being held in, then he got out onto it. We rode back to the ground, got off and he rode off into the sunset."

"You had a time turner?" asked Daphne. Prongs was trying unsuccessfully to lick Daphne's hair.

"Hermione's' schedule wouldn't work, she was taking every class, so she got a time turner and did them all anyway" said Harry.

Daphne groaned "That violates so many good guidelines for safe use of time turners" she said.

"You used to confiscate booze as a prefect then sell it" said Harry.

"That just booze… she could have died" said Daphne, ignoring the floor cleaner in the stuff she sold to boys.

"So Sirius was free, and I owled him… he gave me money and I had some good times that summer. Saw films, learnt muggle things." said Harry.

"Sounds nice" said Daphne. Prongs was getting oddly agitated around Daphne.

"So in fourth year, I ended up portkeyed to a graveyard with Cedric, to be executed for Voldemort."

"That sounds adorably vague" she said. "You told me about the rest, and went to the ministry with this though"

"All sorted, apparently" said Harry.

Prongs started trying to mount Daphne (fortunately from behind, so she didn't see), and Harry waved his wand to get Prongs to dissipate.

Daphne looked at Harry and looked thoughtful. "I just had the oddest feeling" she said.

Harry tried to keep a straight face.

"It was like I was soaking in love." Daphne blushed slightly.

"Heh, that's really odd" said Harry. 'Bloody prongs' he thought.

"Well, goodnight dear" said Harry.

"What no dance?" asked Daphne.

"It's a bit late" said Harry.

"Goodnight Harry, you brave man" said Daphne.

Harry went to bed and went to sleep, which was plagued by nightmares.

In the morning as he woke groggily he thought 'Shouldn't talk about it, just makes for more nightmares.'

Daphne was very late down, her hair messed up.

"Are you okay?" asked Harry as she hurried through breakfast.

"Didn't sleep well" she said.

"Yeah I had nightmares again too" said Harry.

Daphne blushed and left.

-==0==-

The next day Harry's search for the owner of the manor house wasn't going so well.

That night, Daphne sat down before dinner and said "Harry, can you make some time for me this weekend"

Harry shrugged "Sure" he said.

-==0==-

Harry went back to work, trying to find the owner of his house, trickling stock out the Come and Go room to the spare rooms with Dobby and Winky.

-==0==-

Several days later, Daphne was excited and after dinner, showed him some parchment.

Harry had been expecting something about magic, but it was a section from the internal newsletter, listing a large house for sale, as an estate lot. On paper it looked like a solution to both furniture storage, and supply issues. But Harry found something about the description familiar.

"Daphne, read me the description" he asked, and closed his eyes.

As Daphne read the description, three stories, large grounds, he realised where he'd seen it.

"I know that building" said Harry.

"You do?"

"We're in it" said Harry.

"Well we can buy it" said Daphne.

"So we should" said Harry. "Have we got some leprechaun gold to pay with?" he joked.

-==0==-

Friday night

Daphne came home from work looking upset. Harry was surprised because Daphne liked her job and there was no indication that Daphne had any sort of work related problems.

"Harry, can you come here?" she asked nervously.

"What is it?" asked Harry, confused as hell.

"I know what the magic was." she said.

"Oh, and it's evil, right?" said Harry.

"There's something you need to listen to, in the department" she said, mysteriously.

"Something?" asked Harry.

"A prophecy" said Daphne, as if that explained everything.

"A prophecy?" asked Harry, again.

"We collect them, store them and index them" said Daphne.

"And I should listen why?" asked Harry.

"I don't know. It's about you, and some other people and only the people it's about can listen to it" said Daphne.

"Well, I'll owl Sue then" said Harry.

-==0==-

Saturday.

The prophecy was disturbing. And neither can live, while the other survives at the end, had Harry asking Unspeakables questions.

"So I'm not alive?" asked Harry.

"You're alive, Mister Potter" said the Unspeakable's buzzy disguised voice.

"So the prophecy is wrong?" asked Harry.

"When did you vanquish Voldemort, Mr Potter" asked the Unspeakable.

"About a week before my life went to shit" said Harry flippantly.

The unspeakable nodded "So he was vanquished, yet not dead. The last part of the prophecy engaged, and your life, Mr Potter, undergoes some improbable circumstances."

"Well being contracted to Voldemort's daughter, Delphini riddle was very odd" said Harry candidly.

"Exceedingly improbable." buzzed the Unspeakable.

"Then you survive that threat and immediately, you are again bound, improbably into an even more cast iron contract to the then Miss Greengrass" said the Unspeakable.

"You know about that?" asked Harry.

"It is in Mrs Potter's employee file" said the Unspeakable.

"Figures" said Harry.

"Tell me Mr Potter, do you have a normal life with your wife" asked the Unspeakable.

"That's a very personal question" said Harry, hotly.

"And the answer is very important" buzzed the Unspeakable.

"We don't sleep in the same room, we don't kiss, we just live in the same house." said Harry.

"And you cannot divorce her?" asked the Unspeakable.

"Not with a Black marriage contract, no" said Harry.

"So your situation could be described as that your life is over, Mister Potter" said the Unspeakable.

"Well I may have said that in the past, yes" admitted Harry.

"You might as well be dead, in limbo" said the Unspeakable.

"This is all very depressing ,but I don't see how it's relevant." said Harry.

"We feel it is the work of the prophecy" said one Unspeakable.

-==0==-

Harry went back to work. Furniture is good that way. It just is. A table leg is loose… you fix it.

-==0==-

Dinner…Saturday and Daphne's bursting to say something.

"The prophecy's complete" said Daphne.

"So what?" asked Harry.

"And neither can live while the other survives" said Daphne, as if that explained something.

"So, My life's messed up by the accident of the contract, So's yours" said Harry.

"Caused by the prophecy" explained Daphne.

"And now it's over, what, the contract will disappear?" asked Harry, curiously.

"No, Harry it won't, but we only have a few more years" explained Daphne.

"So no change then" said Harry.

"Harry, you might have to live with me, and we can't love others, and all that. But at least now you have a chance" said Daphne.

"Thanks love" said Harry.

Daphne looked at him oddly

"It's just an expression" said Harry.

That night he read some more of his favourite book and Harry cried himself to sleep.

-==0==-

The next morning Harry walked into the kitchen, greeted his wife, who'd either slept better or taken Dreamless sleep potion, and made cup of tea.

She looked up at him tired, red eyed and said "I don't hate you anymore."

Harry shrugged "I haven't for a year. I had people to hate, didn't have the energy to hate you for something you never did". Maybe she hadn't slept so well after all.

-==0==-

That night they danced, their eyes closed to the music on the Wizarding wireless, and then went to bed.

Harry as was his habit, read some more of his favourite book and cried himself to sleep.

-==0==-

The next day, Harry contacted the ministry via floo about the Riddle house.

Delphini had been sent to Azkaban for using unforgivables, and the official said, the liquidation of the estate had encountered a snag, as the goblins had found a distant relative who was alive.

Harry thanked the official for their time and stood up.

He went back to furniture.

About lunch time, an owl dropped a letter on Harry.

'Harry Potter,

The old curiosity shop

Diagon Alley.

Harry Potter,

You are requested to attend a intestate properties meeting

two pm today.

Estate services, Grabbit, Snatchit and Runne,

Lawyers.

Diagon Alley.

'

Harry turned the sign over to closed, Sue would be back later to run the till.

He went to the back room, ate lunch (cold casserole), tidied himself up by brushing wood-shavings off his robes and went to see the lawyers.

-==0==-

"Mister Potter, so glad to see you here. This meeting is to inform you that your distant cousin, Tom Marvolo Riddle has died, and left no will. As his mothers family has been, er, gone for some time, you are the nearest living relative."

He had a bastard daughter" said Harry, seeing more paperwork in his future.

"She's not able to inherit, due to her legal status as a user of unforgivable spells." said the Lawyer.

"So once the appropriate forms are signed, you will inherit Tom's estate"

"And what is that?" asked Harry.

"A house, some land, not magical, he inherited it from his muggle father" explained the Lawyer. "And a small plot from Tom's Gaunt relatives."

"Oh really, well, where do I sign?" asked Harry.

"Here is the form" said the lawyer.

"I just need to take this past my wife. She's got the real business sense" said Harry.

"No hurry Mister Potter, we will be taking some modest fees, on an hourly basis, of course"

Harry smiled "See you later" he said and walked briskly out of the room holding the form.

-==0==-

That night, Daphne arrived, looking tired but happy to eat dinner.

"I was given this from the executor of Tom Riddle's estate" said Harry, sliding it over.

"Apparently I'm the nearest relative not in prison for life." he explained.

"And you didn't sign it?" asked Daphne.

"I wanted you to look it over" said Harry.

Daphne's lips twitched "You can learn?" she asked, jokingly.

"Take it to work if you want, they're going to bill hourly on hours expended" said Harry.

"Little grass snakes" said Daphne.

"But cheaper than the ministry, who now can't sell it, because I probably own it" said Harry.

"You checked that today?" asked Daphne.

"Seemed prudent" said Harry.

Daphne's lips twitched again "You really can learn!" she said.

Harry turned on the radio to the music show.

"Harry turn off the radio, I want to talk" said Daphne.

Harry did as he was bid.

"Harry, I know we've got nothing in common" she said.

"Apart from the last three years" said Harry.

"Granted." said Daphne.

"And that my family is different to yours" said Daphne.

"Mmm" said Harry.

"So, why do we get on so badly?" asked Daphne.

"I think we resent each other." said Harry.

"What?" asked Daphne.

"We say, it's the contract, not you, but we're the face of the contract to each other." said Harry.

"You know, you're right" said Daphne.

"Had to happen sometime" said Harry.

Harry pointed to the Radio "Dance?"

"Not tonight" said Daphne.

Harry sighed and sat waiting.

"Harry?" asked Daphne

"Yes?" said Harry.

"Why have we not fallen afoul of the compliance clause in the contract?" asked Daphne.

Harry thought about this 'The clause punishes us if we don't comply with the vows. The vows are

Fidelity Loyalty and Domesticity, right?"

"Yes" said Daphne.

"So are you unfaithful to me?"asked Harry.

"No, of course not"

"Me neither" said Harry.

"So we're complying" said Daphne, "Or are we? Are we just not not complying"

"What" asked Harry, his brain stalled.

"Whats infidelity?" asked Daphne.

"Having sex with someone outside the marriage" said Harry.

"So is not doing that fidelity?" asked Daphne.

"That's a tricky question" said Harry.

Harry got a dictionary from the bookshelf, a gift from Hermione which was mostly used for crossword puzzles.

"Oh. Faithful devotion or submission, unswerving allegiance, conformity, fealty" read Harry.

"Oh indeed Mr Potter." said Daphne, sounding intrigued.

"Just for the sake of an experiment, how about a snog?" asked Harry

"A snog?"

"You do remember how we snogged" said Harry, blushing a little at the memory of that memorable snog in the room of requirement. He still didn't understand why she'd socked him in the face. It'd been a fantastic snog up till then.

"For the courting clause" said Daphne, shattering Harry's woolgathering

"One more time." said Harry.

"I think this is a silly idea" said Daphne.

Harry and Daphne got up and embraced loosely

"Who's turn is it?" asked Harry.

"Not yours" said Daphne, and kissed Harry. Treacle tart, beeswax and sweat.

Daphne slid her tongue into Harry's mouth and they osculated.

Harry pulled back "Well that was a bust" he said, glancing briefly downwards.

"What were you expecting?" said Daphne, licking her lips and brushing lint off her clothes.

"Some sort of magical pain relief as per how it used to work" said Harry.

"No" said Daphne "Goodnight Harry" 'Damn he was so stupid , you could use his head as timber.'

Harry went to bed and couldn't sleep. He kept thinking about how he wanted to snog his wife's brains out. He sighed and went to the bathroom, and thought of his wife.

He didn't feel any less inclined afterwards.

He went to bed and slept very little.

-==0==-

He woke early and started breakfast.

Daphne came in to the kitchen, her hair damp from the shower.

Harry sat to eat breakfast and stared at his wife. His beautiful, young wife.

"Harry, why are you staring at me" asked Daphne.

"I um, want… nothing" said Harry.

Daphne got up to get toast, leaned over and kissed the top of Harry's head.

Harry ate some toast, drank some tea and got his bag.

Daphne got up and followed him

"What are you doing"

"Today's Saturday, I'll come and work on the books" said Daphne.

They apparated to the shop, unlocked and Daphne sat in the back room, working on the accounts while Harry mended a desk.

Daphne got up "Harry, I just need to check something"

Harry shrugged, and Daphne grabbed his buttocks. "Yup, as hard as they look" she said.

Harry turned around "What the!"

"Look Harry, we're married, I was just wondering, are they really that hard and… well they are" she said.

"That's.. I didn't ask for that" said Harry.

"And you can put up or get your mind broken by the compliance clauses" said Daphne.

"When you say it like that, I hate you, dear" said Harry.

"The feeling is mutual. Though, you do have very hard buns." said Daphne.

"And what's stopping me from grabbing you? You look like, well a very beautiful woman" said Harry.

Daphne laughed "Thanks for the compliment, but touch me and I'll hex you in your sleep" said Daphne.

Harry fixed a broken drawer and a wobbly leg on the current table. He realised a while later, Daphne couldn't hex him.

"Harry, you need to kiss my feet" said Daphne.

Harry looked confused, then suddenly thought about kissing Daphne's feet.

"Don't fight it Potter, you'll fry your brain" said Daphne.

Harry knelt and kissed Daphne's feet.

"Why'd I do that" he said, standing up

"Because fidelity means faithful devotion or submission, and Harry, you're my servant from now on"

Harry felt something melting in his brain… not his sanity.. just his will to fight Daphne.

Harry thought briefly and said "Daphne, you need to take your blouse off"

Daphne took off her blouse. "Don't force me to do something and destroy my mind" said Daphne, but Harry was busy admiring her bra-clad breasts. Breasts.

"This compliance clause is stupid, it works on both of us" said Daphne.

"Breasts" said Harry.

"So it was developed by a pervert" said Daphne.

"You grabbed my ass" said Harry.

"Touch my chest and I will work out a way to kill you" said Daphne.

Harry wanted to remember that day in the shop forever. Daphne, even cross, in her underwear was a sight that, well, got him hard. She'd not gone mad from being snogged while only wearing her underwear either. Now THAT was truly Patronus worthy memory. The soft groan she gave when they stopped snogging, he just wanted a pensive, so he could hear it over and over again. The view was… well he'd be trapped in that imaginary pensive. He'd never leave. The mirror of Erised, pshaw.

-==0==-

That night, Harry read his favourite book and cried himself to sleep.

-==0==-

A year Later

The Riddle house finally cleared probate and Harry took legal possession.

Within the week the all the spare rooms were full of slightly recycled, slightly not paid for furniture.

Harry finished cleaning up the kitchen and went to his bedroom.

One he sat down on the bed, read his favourite book and he started to cry again.

He lay down, and after an hour or so, of crying, he fell asleep.

-==0==-

Their fifth Anniversary came and Harry and Daphne sat in their large, grand living room, looking at the contract, sitting on a silver salver.

The birth of an heir clause started to glow red.

They cheered as the contract burnt itself to cinders.

Daphne handed Harry a glass of champagne "To you, Harry Potter. You kept your agreement and we exited the contract." said Daphne.

Daphne picked up a glass for herself.

"So could I have a foot rub now?" she asked.

"Are we even still married?" said Harry, fingering his wedding band.

"I swear that that killing curse damaged your brain" said Daphne. "We Had to marry because of the cursed contract. We are still married. We can get divorced now" she said.

Harry swigged the champagne. "Ergh. A bit bitter" he said.

"Oh you probably wanted a cold butterbeer" said Daphne sarcastically.

"Well, yeah, I like butterbeer" said Harry. "So why do you want a foot rub now?"

"Because you're not compelled to do it" said Daphne.

"And as gratitude for being enslaved, I'll give you a footrub." said Harry.

"No, as gratitude for being married to me, you'll give me a footrub." said Daphne.

"But I never wanted to marry you in the first place" said Harry.

Daphne scoffed "And you would have married who? Weasley, her whole family so poor"

Harry gave Daphne a footrub. She moaned gently "That's the spot"

Some time later.

"Goodnight Potter, probably divorce you in the morning" said Daphne and stood up.

Harry went to the bathroom. Stupid sexy wife.

-==0==-

Harry went to sleep thinking of all of Daphne's things he would send away with Daphne when she left. The bowl her mother gave her. The vase from her aunt Sophia. The portraits of horses all over the place. Her bra.

-==0==-

That night Daphne came home to find no dinner.

"You didn't make dinner?" asked Daphne.

"Well, where's the divorce papers?" asked Harry.

"I didn't get around to it" said Daphne. "What are we going to eat?" she asked.

"Pub grub down in the village" said Harry.

"We'll have to go muggle" said Daphne. Harry rolled his eyes. "Come on, your jersey and jeans." he said.

Daphne took a very long time to get ready.

-==0==-

Harry and Daphne, in jerseys and jeans went to the Strangled Lark down in Little Hangleton.

Harry noticed that his wife had a more than usually amazing bust. And he knew what it looked like without a jersey over it. Bless his fathers invisibility Cloak, bless the pervert who wrote the Black family marriage contract's compliance clause.

They opened the door and went in.

The pub was very old, dimly lit and quiet, with a few locals at tables and a group playing darts.

Harry went over to the bartender, a large orange haired man with big mutton-chop whiskers.

"Hello, Harry Potter" said Harry.

"Ted Ainsworth" said the Bartender

"That's my wife Daphne, we bought the old Riddle place" said Harry.

"Oh, been there long?" asked Ted.

"A wee while" said Harry, and Daphne frowned.

"Oh I forgot to cook and we need two dinners, whats good?" asked Harry.

"Shepherds pie" said Ted thoughtfully.

"Well two, and a couple of ciders" said Harry, pulling a wallet out.

"What d'you do" asked Ted.

"I fix old furniture, Daphne works for the government" said Harry.

"Oh ah?"

Harry nodded.

"You're not from round here then?" asked Ted.

"I'm from Surrey" said Harry. Ted nodded.

"Daphne's from Hampshire". Daphne folded her arms "Get on with it Harry" she sighed.

Harry took a glass of cider and handed it to Daphne. She took a sip. "Not terrible"she remarked.

"Well Thank you Mrs Potter, from the big house" said Ted, pulling his forelock.

Daphne's eyes narrowed. Harry stepped back from the bar and put an arm around her. He gazed at her 'please don't hex everyone' he thought, closely followed by 'Damn she's stacked.'.

Ted snorted. "Sorry Mrs P. Just joking" he said.

"Get your drink" said Daphne.

Harry walked back to the bar as Daphne headed tablewards.

"You two've been married few years then" said Ted.

"Does it show?" said Harry, taking a pull on his cider.

"She's not happy being here, but you hug her to calm her down." said Ted softly. "You're like an old married couple."

"I've known Daphne for… must be over eight years" said Harry.

"Well, I'll bring your dinner when it's dished, Mister Potter from the big house. Harry flinched.

Ted's eyes narrowed "So you're from Surry but people treat you toff and you don't like it. And your wife's a classy one with a big temper. I reckon you're slumming it fixing furniture Mr Potter"

"Antiques." said Harry. "Since before I left school"

"Antique dealer? Well, that explains how you got the big house" said Ted.

"I do alright" said Harry.

"And the little woman more than does her share" said Ted softly.

"Are you a mind reader, Ted?" asked Harry.

"No, just a bartender." said Ted, and started polishing a glass.

Harry took his pint over to the small table where Daphne sat looking at Ted with a hint of a glare.

"He made fun of me" she said.

"He made fun of me too." said Harry. "They've not had anyone at our house in fifty plus years. He's feeling us out"

"Well, on a brighter note, there is a juke box here, and we can have our after dinner dance." said Daphne.

"Is there waltz music?" asked Harry.

"You can… get your groove on I believe you said" said Daphne.

"And you can survive that" asked Harry.

"I've been married to you for five years. I'll cope" said Daphne.

After dinner, they compromised with a slow song.

As usual, they danced, slowly, eyes closed.

Ted and most of the locals watched with interest,well the ones that weren't playing darts.

Harry and Daphne left after the song ended.

-==0==-

A minute after the door shut Ted said loudly "Harry Potter, Antiques, Daphne Potter, works for the government. Ten to one He's old money,no bet she's old money."

"Why's he old money?" asked Janice, a dark-haired woman of indeterminate figure, who did something with administration in the council down in the big town.

"Mrs Potters got a ring you could moor a boat to on her finger." said Ted, shaking his head.

"That Mrs Potter's a fine figure of a woman" said old Jeffry.

Old Evan, who had a beard a sparrow could choke on snorted "See them dancing, them lovebirds do that every night"

"Howd' you know that?"

"I can lipread" said Old Evan. "cos I'm mostly deaf you daft arse" said Old Evan loudly.

"Think we'll see them at the fete?" asked young Bill, a very blond, wet, Anglican young man, who was pants at darts.

"She's a bit high powered government job for that" said Ted.

"A real looker but the temper on her." said Basil, who moved things from place to place.

"Mr P just jumps to hug her." said Ted.

"Holding her back more like it" said Old Evan. "She was going to put you in your place."

-==0==-

Harry and Daphne walked back home and went to their beds.

Harry didn't cry but slept poorly for some reason.

-==0==-

Harry was woken very early by Daphne coming into his room "Oh My Head!" groaned Daphne at what Harry quickly discovered was 4 am.

"For gods sake woman, why'd you wake me!" cried Harry, holding his head, which hurt.

"I need hangover cure" she said, from the doorway to his room.

"So do I" said Harry.

"Well there's none in the cabinet" said Daphne stiffly, holding an empty potion bottle.

"SO I have to go make some" said Harry.

"You're the one with a NEWT on potions" said Daphne.

"I got an A" groaned Harry, and got out of bed.

"And put on a work robe, you'll ruin your pyjamas" said Daphne. Harry didn't.

Harry thought about hexing her, just one of his father's old spells… hang her upside down by one ankle...don't think about that.

Harry lit his wand and opened the locked door to the basement and went down the stairs. Daphne following him with her wand lit.

They went to the locked room with the potions lab in it, and stepped through the second set of muggle-repelling charms.

Harry got the potions textbook down off the shelf and found the right page.

"You haven't memorised the recipe" asked Daphne.

"I'm having difficulty thinking, dear" said Harry, holding his head with one hand.

The potion came out looking a pleasant whitish-blue. Maybe Snape's strategy of harassing people really did make them better brewers at four am, when they were hung over and desperately needed Hangover cure.

Harry decanted two vials and bottled the rest in the bottle Daphne had brought from the bathroom.

"Bottoms up" said Harry.

Daphne and Harry drank the potion. Within moments, Harry's headache disappeared.

Daphne sighed.

Harry handed Daphne the bottle "Here you go" he said.

Daphne smiled briefly.

Harry evanesco'd the cauldron and tidied the workbench.

Daphne stood there, wand raised, making light.

"Thank you" said Harry.

"We should get a lamp" said Daphne.

"I think the Aurors took it" said Harry. "Or someone since"

Harry lit his wand and they left the basement, locked up behind themselves and traipsed up the stairs to the third floor where the good bedrooms were. Harry looked upwards and watched the frankly gorgeous ass of his wife in a nightgown as she climbed the stairs. He got hard. It's not perving when it's your own wife, he rationalised.

Embarrassingly, Daphne stopped on the landing before his room. He held his lit wand as far from his body as he could, trying to keep his pyjamas in shade.

"Thank you for the potion Harry" said Daphne "See you in the morning."

Harry watched Daphne turn and walk down the hall to the bathroom.

He entered his room and shut the door.

A quick tap of the lamp and he had some light, and he locked his bedroom door.

He put his holly wand down and opened the sock drawer. There, under some sock in the back corner was a purple bottle. He got out out and uncorked it. He sniffed it. It smelt of nothing. Just chocolate, peppermint and parchment.

He corked the bottle and put it away. Looking down, he'd lost his reaction. Whew.

He got back into bed, took off his glasses and tapped the lamp. Darkness.

-==0==-

Later that morning, Harry got up and dressed, and went downstairs.

Daphne appeared after breakfast was on the table, long hair still a bit wet. She was wearing a grey skirt and a black and white striped shirt. It was very Daphne.

"Next time we go to the Strangled Lark we're not having the cider" said Harry, to have something to say.

Daphne nodded "Too lethal" she said.

"Here's you toast" said Harry, handing Daphne a toast rack with warm toast.

He poured a mug of earl grey tea, two sugars, added milk "And your tea"

Daphne bit into marmalade toast, drank some tea "Running late" she said.

"Well yeah" said Harry.

Harry ate breakfast, Daphne getting up to put her plate and mug in the sink.

She stopped near Harry "Did you not wash this morning?" she said, sniffing.

"Er, running late" said Harry.

"Honestly you smell of sweat and beeswax and..." Daphne stopped, grabbed her bag and walked very briskly out of the room.

There was a crack as Daphne apparated to work.

Harry wondered about the villagers. 'Fuck it I'm going to need to get a car' he thought. 'Can't confound them forever, they'll wonder how Daphne gets to work.'

-==0==-

Harry went up to the first floor after cleaning up the breakfast dishes. The rooms on this floor held spare stock, and Harry went to the end room and mended the drawer slide on a cabinet. Sue would open up and work the till, and knew to floo over if there was something urgent.

Harry started a casserole, and looked around for meat. Seeing nothing, he went outside, checked for muggles and cast as strong an 'Accio rabbit' as he could. Rabbit casserole tonight for a change.

The day passed, the clock in the hallway ringing, reminding Harry to have some lunch.

After some bread and tea; the casserole looked and smelt like it might be good tonight, the lemon was working with the rabbit., He found himself going to his room and, after locking the door, opening his sock drawer and pulling out the purple bottle, The bottle that smelt of nothing but chocolate, pepper mint and parchment. He uncorked the bottle and sniffed. Citrus, bergamot and lavender. He quickly corked the bottle and stared at it. 'Too much to hope to ever fall in love with his wife now it's all over' thought Harry bitterly, and put the bottle away, so it could not accuse him.

He went to the bathroom, splashed cold water on his face, stared at his red rimed eyes in the mirror, took a deep breath and left for the shop.

Sue, an older witch with a complicated messy past, but who worked for what they paid, ran the daily selling part of the shop, greeted him from the counter. "Afternoon Harry" she said.

"How's the shop" Harry asked.

"Someone asked for parchment, of all things" said Sue, shaking her head.

"How would you use used parchment" said Harry "evanesco doesn't work on it" he said lightly.

"Oh you can scrape it clean if you're careful" said Sue. "We're also nearly out of boots"

"We won't have more till we get another estate lot, I think" said Harry.

Harry moved furniture, greeted Dobby and Winky, who popped stock in to fill the spaces that had opened up from selling furniture. Dobby happily brought in five bales of parchment.

The day wound to a close, Harry tired from his broken night. He picked up some desert, to make it up to Daphne for the night before and the cursed cider.

-==0==-

He apparated home, stasis charmed dessert and went and looked at the storerooms again.

"Dobby!" Harry called.

Dobby appeared with a pop "Oh, Great Master Harry Potter Sir, Dobby is so pleased to see you" said Dobby, holding a tea-towel.

"Oh Dobby, are you making dinner?" asked Harry.

"The little ones need regular meals" said Dobby.

'Oh shit. Dobby and Winky have little elves and I never knew. Hermione would gut me with a rusty hook if she knew I didn't know.' thought Harry.

"Oh, Dobby, this isn't urgent, you go back to your family, I just wanted to go see the room of lost things, pull out some things to mend and sell" said Harry.

"Mistress will be needing dinner" said Dobby, shaking his head and popped away. Harry realised he didn't know where Dobby and Winky lived, which was weird, as they were house elves. Maybe at Hogwarts still. 'What had he been doing for the last year.' he thought, then remembered, bitterly.

-==0==-

Daphne arrived home looking tired, but her hair was orderly, not a hair out of place. Harry's lip twitched. She still presented the same highly groomed facade to the world.

"Dinners here when you are" said Harry.

Daphne sank into a chair. "I need a good nights sleep" she said.

Harry dished up dinner.

Daphne ate thoughtfully. "Rabbit casserole, aren't we being fancy". Harry snorted "Accio'd it out of the gardens" he admitted.

When they were finished picking at the casserole, Harry served Daphne the Tiramisu.

"Tiramisu!" she said "That's far too much, I'll only eat a quarter of that".

Harry picked up the plate and split it off, stasis charming the main portion.

Daphne waited, looking slightly amused, till Harry replaced her plate. "There" said Harry.

"Why thank you Harry" said Daphne.

Harry cut himself a slice of Treacle Tart and sat back down.

Daphne eyed the Treacle Tart as if it was toxic.

Harry ate Treacle Tart. Harry reminisced at the taste of Hogwarts, 'ample food, of warm beds, soft sheets.'

Daphne pushed the tiramisu to one side. "I got the papers" she said abruptly.

Harry dropped his spoon.

He pushed the suddenly tasteless Treacle Tart to one side, and waited.

Daphne pulled a scroll out of her bag and handed it over.

Harry summoned a self-inking quill and filled in his name and details.

"I had to go have a shower at work after lunch. I felt so gross after this mornings effort" she said, filling the silence.

Harry finished filling in his section, and he handed the quill and paperwork back to Daphne.

"It still needs to be filed, there's a fee and it takes a few weeks" she said, then sat, mouth pursed, filling in her section of the form.

Harry walked to the drawing room, turned on the wireless, and waited.

Daphne arrived, a bit watery eyed.

They held each other gently and danced, their eyes closed.

Harry tried not to cry on Daphne's blouse, she really loved this black and white one with the Gibson sleeves. Her hair smelt faintly of lavender.

They rocked, slowly dancing orbits around the room, Harry keeping an eye out, but their feet knew the room.

After an hour or more Daphne stopped, leaned over and kissed him on the lips.

She tasted of earl grey tea, of the lemon from the casserole.

"Good night Harry." she said softly.

Harry let her go, turned off the wireless and went upstairs.

He closed and locked his bedroom door, 'Bergamot, Citrus and a hint of lavender' he thought.

He thought about reading his favourite book, Watership Down, but having eaten rabbit tonight, just went to sleep.

Nox.

AN: I had wondered what would happen if the perennial marriage contract story happened to actual human beings. I'm not sure what would have happened, but maybe this? My version probably has less uxoricide/matricide.

AN2: They had already signed the paperwork by the time Harry worked it out.

AN3: Not advocating arranged marriages.

AN4: corrections by alix33

AN5: Crack added… did I add enough?

The next day of the rest of his life.

Harry got up and got dressed, and went downstairs. On a whim, he started cooking a fritatta.

Daphne arrived by the time the fritatta was ready. "What's this"

"Fritatta" said Harry. "It's good"

Daphne dubiously ate some. "Why, you little shit. You can cook this for breakfast and for five years I get tea and toast!" she said, regarding the fritatta.

"I didn't want to be married to you" said Harry.

"Were you pretending to be a lousy dancer as well?" Daphne asked.

"No, I really am pretty crap at it" said Harry.

"Yet you're a natural on a broom and an ace at defence." said Daphne

"Oh Daphne, do you want to go for a ride on my broomstick?" asked Harry.

Daphne flushed and glared at Harry "Ho Ho Ho Harry, you're so funny"

"We've already established out of the two of us, you're the comedian" said Harry.

"There is no us anymore" said Daphne.

"Why Miss Greengrass, your ex husband not even cold in a grave, and there is no us"

"We were married because of the contract. Now we're free" said Daphne. "And you're an unambitious shopkeeper."

Harry stood up "I have three quarters of a million galleons. The shop makes me a hundred plus per week. I like restoring antiques. I like working with my hands" said Harry, clenching his muscles.

Daphne looked at him oddly, and said nothing for a while "Whereas I am doing what I want"

"And you're independently wealthy" said Harry "You have over half a million"

"I'd like my family ring back, Dear" said Harry.

"Likewise" said Daphne.

They exchanged rings.

"I expect a decent dinner" said Daphne, putting on her travel cloak. "I'm not going to the Strangled Lark again this week"

"Miss Greengrass, we are not married anymore" said Harry. "Perhaps you might go to your parents?"

"Why should I move out of this sixteen bedroom manor" said Daphne "I own half"

Harry nodded.

"And a decent casserole. Do rabbit again!" she said. "And make venison pie this week too"

Harry snorted "So Now you're demanding better food"

"I didn't know you were actually a great cook" she said, picking up her bag.

"Accio Rabbit" said Harry crossly.

-==0==-

Daphne sat down at the dinner table and looked at her plate "Rabbit casserole, with ciabatta"

"Home-made ciabatta" said Harry.

Daphne dropped her fork "You can bake?"

"I used to have to cook all of the Christmas dinner, and cakes and biscuits" said Harry.

"I need to send your Aunt a gift" said Daphne, savouring the ciabatta.

Harry got a kiss on the lips as Daphne went to bed after dancing.

Confused, he went to bed, and didn't read his favourite book; he'd eaten rabbit again.

The next day, Daphne insisted on a packed lunch "Your bread's so nice" she said.

By the end of the week, Harry was feet oddly at peace. He'd even read some new recipes, and made a venison wellington and pork pies.

Daphne confronted him after dinner "What's gotten into you. You're… less depressed. Was being married to me really so bad?"

"I've, er been sleeping better" said Harry guiltily. "Maybe it's my book"

"What?" said Daphne and dashed up the stairs, drawing her wand.

Harry got to his room to find Daphne looking at Harry's favourite book, wand in one hand. "You've been reading this a lot?"

"Not this week" he said. "I feel guilty about reading it if I've eaten rabbit"

"Well it's not magical. I"ll check it, maybe something subtle" she said, and left.

Harry went to sleep. His room smelt all Daphne-ish.

He woke feeling, er, horny. He had a long shower and got up.

After what seemed like an age Daphne came down, tired, holding the book.

"You read this every night?" she asked.

Harry nodded "It's my favourite book" he said.

"Idiot, it's a really sad book" she said, and took a wide-eye potion, after a few blinks, she seemed wide awake.

"Don't read it every day." she said "And go see St Mungos. You need help." she said.

The healer at St Mungos gave him a foul-tasting potion, and told him to take more every day for a month. Harry sighed. It was as bad as being back at school.

That night, Daphne asked a few questions, determined Harry had some potions, and then ate Venison wellington and salad with a look on her face of absolute bliss.

"Harry, you're a really good cook" she said, staring at the empty plate.

"Oh, thanks" said Harry.

Daphne went to the drawing room and turned on the radio.

Harry got up and danced. She kissed his cheek as they parted "Goodnight Harry"

"Can I have my book back" he asked.

"Not till the healer's done with you" said Daphne, and went to bed. Harry followed her up the stairs. It's not perving when it's your ex-wife, he told himself.

Harry woke up feeling relaxed, and got ready for his day. He made it down to breakfast, to see Daphne sitting at the table, knife and fork in her hands. "Fritatta" she said.

"Get stuffed" said Harry casually.

Seconds later, he was on the floor, hit by a powerful stinging hex.

"Watch your mouth" said Daphne "I can hex you now"

"Well I'm not cooking for you, you hexed me" said Harry "Cook it yourself"

"I can't cook!" said Daphne. "We had house elves. Dobby!" she called.

Dobby appeared with a crack.

"Yes Mistress Daphne" said Dobby.

"Fritatta. Harry doesn't feel like cooking for me today"

"She hexed me" said Harry.

Dobby went to the stove and quickly started cooking breakfast.

Harry got up off the floor and asked Dobby "How are the elflings?"

"They be fine, Great Master Harry Potter Sir" said Dobby.

"Not so much salt Dobby." said Harry, watching the elf cook.

"The Great Master Harry Potter Sir wishes to change Dobby's recipe?" asked Dobby. "The Great Master Harry Potter Sir didn't let Dobby cook for five years, and now wants to change the recipe?"

"I do like Harry's Fritatta" said Daphne.

"Dobbys Fritatta is very good" said Dobby, defensively. "Perhaps if Mistress spent more time with The Great Master Harry Potter Sir he would cook for her"

Daphne blinked.

"Daphne, if you're going to keep living here, we need to get some cars, or the muggle villagers won't believe you work for the government." said Harry, as Dobby cooked.

"But I do work for the government" said Daphne. "The DMLE".

"They will expect you to drive to work, so we need a car for that, and one for me to got to work with"

"No, you would drive me" said Daphne.

"It would take all day to do that" said Harry.

"You drop me off on the way to the shop. I'm certainly not learning to drive a car" said Daphne finally.

"One car then" said Harry.

"And you drive it" said Daphne.

"I don't know how!" said Harry.

"You grew up muggle, surely you know" she said dismissively.

"I was eleven, Eleven year old's can't drive cars" said Harry.

"Details. You have plenty of spare time. Learn" said Daphne.

Harry spent an annoying several days reading the road code. Getting a learners licence was even more annoying. He resorted to a driving tutor immediately he had a learners licence.

He'd run out of icky tasting potion by the time the driving tutor thought he could learn more at a special course.

The healers sent him an owl to remind him to come to St Mungos.

He turned up, a bit annoyed. The muggle driving tutors weren't cheap and having to cancel a lesson cost money.

"Ah, Mister Potter" said the healer. We're ready for the next phase of your treatment"

They led him to a small room with a chair and a cart of potions ingredients.

"What exactly are you treating anyway?" asked Harry. "I'm fine"

"You, Mister Potter, have a nasty case of curse residue, and brain injuries from your rough life"

Harry's hands went to his head involuntarily. "Will I be all right?"

"We need to to sit down here and take this potion. It's the last one" said the Healer.

Harry sat on the unpadded wooden chair and drank the bowl of purple potion he was given. It tasted like old socks cooked in rotten beets. His head pounded, and his tongue felt too big. The lighting in the room changed, and everything got too big and too far away at the same time. The he suddenly felt very ill. He tried to hold his gorge down, but couldn't and, embarrassed, vomited copiously.

After vomiting till he couldn't vomit, he felt strangely light. The healer bustled over and cast some spells, cleaning up the vomit, cleaning Harry's clothes, then cleaning Harry's mouth out.

"Was the vomiting really necessary" asked Harry.

"Unavoidable" said the Healer. "Just sit and wait, and in a couple of hours you can go home and rest."

"No more potions?"

"You don't need any more. You may sleep rather more than you are accustomed to, and have more dreams." said the Healer. "Don't fly or ride for three days, and no complicated magic till then either. We recommend you use the floo instead of Apparation"

"Oh nightmares" said Harry glumly.

"No, that is not typical. Usually quite pleasant dreams" said the Healer.

"I always have nightmares" said Harry.

"Oh, you won't have so many now." said the Healer. "One of the consequences of the treatment."

Harry got home by floo in time to see Dobby finishing up a fancy dinner.

"Thank you Dobby" said Harry, slumping into his chair at the kitchen table.

An hour or so later; Harry had sort-of drifted off in the chair, Daphne arrived. "Harry? what are you doing."

"Getting over my trip to St Mungos. Last potion was rather awful" he said, and looked up at… his beautiful, clever, sneaky ex-wife. "How was work?"

"Odd." she said. "It often is" she chuckled.

He ate dinner, and tried to explain driving lessons to Daphne.

She got hung up on traffic lights "So you do what a light tells you?"

"Everyone has to, or the drivers of the cars could crash into each other" explained Harry.

"Surely they have charms to stop collisions, like learners brooms" asked Daphne.

"No, nothing, You can die driving into a wall or bridge pier, or another car, or a Lorry"

"What's a Lorry?"

"A big wheeled box for moving, for example, a house lot of furniture all at once"

"And they are on the same road as cars? Isn't that dangerous"

"Safer than hippogriffs" said Harry. Daphne snorted "Not while I'm eating!" she said, laughing.

Daphne sat, looking full, and Harry went and turned on the wireless.

"I'm full" she said.

"All the more reason to dance. You should be running" said Harry.

"Are you saying I'm getting fat?"

"Of course not dear" said Harry automatically.

"When would I run?"

"With me, first thing, we could run around Little Hangleton"

"The locals would see us!"

"Well It's not like you ever wore the yoga pants" said Harry, and Daphne stood up "Get your dancing feet on" she said.

-==0==-

Harry had a very clear, simple dream where Daphne and Harry snogged, then did much more than snogging. Harry woke up suddenly and cast evanesco.

-==0==-

Three days later

Harry got up early, went downstairs, whistling and cooked a fritatta with some salami he had in the larder.

Daphne came down the stars sniffing "What IS that" she said.

"Fritatta" said Harry putting some on Daphne's plate.

She took a biteful on a fork.

"This should be illegal" she said.

"Come on, lets go running" said Harry.

"I don't have time" said Daphne, looking at the clock "How did you wake me an hour and a half early?"

"I cooked fritatta with salami" said Harry and grinned. Who says he learnt nothing in ten years at the Durselys.

Daphne apparated upstairs after breakfast and back down a minute later in her tracksuit and trainers.

Harry nodded "Nifty" he said.

They left the manor, ran down the drive, and took a loop around the village, it was a mixture if quietness and people grimly driving off to work. Harry was feeling horribly out of shape when he got back to the manor.

Daphne leaned over , hands on knees, panting. "This used to be easy" she puffed.

"Desk job" said Harry, headed upstairs.

"I bags the bathroom. I need to get to work" said Daphne.

Harry kept climbing the stairs, to find the bathroom door locked when he got there, and he heard the shower running. Sneaky witch had apparated inside the house again.

Said witch blew past him minutes later, wrapped in a towel, smelling clean, her hair already dry.

"Your hair's dry" said Harry as Daphne rapidly strode down the carpet runner into her room.

She poked her head out around her bedroom door. "Drying charms. Mandatory in dorms" As she retreated, Harry caught a glimpse of a bare shoulder. Stupid sexy ex wife.

-==0==-

Harry sat at the table at the Leaky Cauldron, eating lunch with Hermione.

"Harry, you've been divorced for months. One of you needs to move out" said Hermione.

"Eh, I'm used to her, she's been like she was in the same Dorm for five years."

"So does she snore?" asked Hermione.

Harry blushed "How the hell would I know" said Harry.

"You were married to her for five years and betrothed for three" said Hermione bluntly.

"And nothing of the sort happened." said Harry.

Hermione snorted "Harry Potter, going all proper on me" she said.

"What's the wizengamot doing?" asked Harry, changing the topic.

"Talking about Harry Potter" said Hermione, stifling a smile.

"They are not" said Harry. "I'm a respectable businessman"

Hermione's voice dropped to a whisper "are you still selling furniture stolen from Hogwarts?" she asked.

"Well, yeah" said Harry quietly.

"So only respectable as long as nobody knows how your business works" said Hermione.

"Is that a threat?" asked Harry.

"Just a reminder. Get some legitimate sources of antiques in case you ever get audited." said Hermione.

"Was that a hint?" asked Harry.

"You seem to like the business. Just looking out for you" said Hermione. "You should try dating"

Harry spluttered. "I'm… I'm not ready to do that" he said.

"So you'll play house with Daphne forever?" asked Hermione.

Harry's mind played out the thought of old Harry and old Daphne eating dinner together, talking about their day. Harry's chest suddenly felt horribly constricted. His eyes filled with tears.

"Oh I'm sorry Harry." said Hermione, and gave him a one-armed hug.

"It's been a difficult eight years" said Harry. "How are you and Ron doing?"

Hermione looked at the table "We… broke up" said Hermione. "Ron wanted me to stop working, and act like his mother"

"OH, I'm sorry" said Harry.

"It was nearly a year ago." said Hermione dismissively.

Harry felt trapped. He'd missed out on his friends breaking up. He was so… bad at people.

"So, you should date" said Harry, thinking, Hermione just said this to me.

"I'm busy" she said, blushing.

"You're too busy to live?" asked Harry.

"No, I'm seeing someone, okay." said Hermione, looking more embarrassed than Harry had ever seen her.

"Oh, who is it?" asked Harry.

"Promise you won't be mad?" asked Hermione.

"Hermione. You're my best friend. You could be dating a goblin and I'd be supportive. Concerned, but supportive." said Harry.

Hermione snorted. "You're snark's coming back" she said.

"Yeah, I needed some treatment at St Mungos" said Harry.

"You didn't tell me" said Hermione.

"You didn't tell me you were dating someone new" said Harry quickly.

"Its..." she stopped talking.

Harry had a sudden vision. Draco fucking Malfoy. Oh god no, not that little shit. Hermione hated his guts. No there was no way. Harry braced for what Hermione was about to say.

"Theo Nott" said Hermione.

Harry's mind went into free fall. Nott's dad had been a Death eater, but Nott was a weedy, bookish swot…. And his best friend was a bookworm.

He opened his mouth and slowly said "Best of luck to you"

"He didn't get on with his dad. I think… I think his dad killed his mum." said Hermione.

Harry thought today wasn't going to get weirder. Showed what he knew. So Nott… Theo Nott's dad had been a spouse-murdering, everyone murdering Death Eater. And Nott was a bookish swot. Some of the looks on Thoe Nott's face made a sudden sickening, horribly familiar sense to Harry. Nott had been keeping his head down at Hogwarts. Nott's home life had been like Harry's, but if Harry had stayed with the Dursleys till he was older, and never expected to get away.

"Get Nott, I mean Theo to go to St Mungos and get checked over by the healers. He may have curse residue that needs potions. It helps. It helped me." said Harry.

Hermione looked at Harry "When did you get smart about life?"

"Hanging around with Daphne" admitted Harry.

-==0==-

Theo Nott was mysteriously arrested two months later, and released after a sealed trial.

-==0==-

Harry made a lunch date with Hermione. With privacy charms

"I can't tell you" said Hermione. "Theo does feel better after the treatment, thank you"

"Is he treating you well?" asked Harry, full of protective feelings.

"I can look after myself Harry. And Theo is respectful. A little set in his ideas, but he is learning"

'Learning to shut up and let you talk' thought Harry.

"So hypothetically, Theo bumped off the Death Eater old guard" said Harry.

Hermione's eyes narrowed "Why did you ask, if you already knew?"

"Because you just told me?" said Harry.

"How did you get so sneaky?"

"Married a Slytherin" said Harry. "If you like Theo Nott, you might as well."

"Certainly Not" said Hermione "I've only known him almost a year"

"Well, if you two need help hiding bodies, just give me a call" said Harry.

"Harry!" yelled Hermione.

They ate.

"Harry, what does Daphne do in the DMLE?" asked Hermione.

"Records" said Harry.

"No she doesn't. I went looking for her" said Hermione, crossing her arms.

"It's a mystery to me" said Harry pointedly.

Hermione looked puzzled for about a second, then goggled at Harry. "No"

"I can't speak of it" he said. "You might say it was…."

Hermione looked conflicted. "She… ugh!"

"It's an unusual job, I'll say that" said Harry.

"Not. One. More. Pun." said Hermione. "Bloody Greengrass, gets a cool job, Marries Harry Potter."

"Neither of those is what it's cracked up to be" said Harry. "I'm divorced and set in my ways, and well, the job's often long and very difficult"

"Long?"

"She sometimes gets home after nine hours. Sometimes, not till the next day" said Harry, honestly.

"She used to hex you down the stairs" said Hermione.

"And she 'fell' down them too" said Harry.

"Harry Potter! You can't hex a witch so she falls down a flight of stairs" said Hermione, flushing.

"Only the once, after she put me down the stairs two days running" admitted Harry. "Though, she probably had a good reason for that" admitted Harry.

"You don't remember?" asked Hermione.

"It was years ago" said Harry. "And I refuse to incriminate myself"

"Harry, when you were married, did she abuse you?" asked Hermione.

"Apart from demanding footrubs?" asked Harry flippantly. Hermione snorted.

Hermione really was not Slytherin at all, thought Harry.

"Did YOU abuse her?" asked Hermione in a suspiciously calm tone.

Harry looked Hermione in the eyes and said "I never raised a hand to my wife, or even really called her anything but dear."

"Dear?"

"And love, and honey" said Harry smirking "It wound her up"

"Harry!"

"I love it when she gets riled." said Harry, and wished he'd not said that.

"You were being an asshole, Harry" said Hermione.

Harry shrugged. "I'm no hero, that's for sure" he lied.

FINALE.

-==0==-

Harry Potter, seller of secondhand furniture was having good day.

The table leg that had been so troublesome was replaced, with fox wedges and the glue was setting.

The wizarding wireless played a dance song in the background and Harry wished, for a moment, to be dancing with his wife.

The shop bell rang.

Harry put the brush of oil down and puttered into the shopfront.

An older wizard was looking around at the furniture.

"Can I help you?" asked Harry.

"So you're Harry Potter?" asked the wizard.

"Look, I don't do interviews, or sign autographs, If the shop has it we sell it." said Harry.

The wizard smiled, creepily, and pulled his wand.

Oh thought Harry. Did not expect that.

Harry was pulling his wand and ducking sideways as a purple curse hit his side.

"Dobby!" called Harry from the floor, feeling very very bad.

Dobby appeared with a pop.

"Throw me a chisel Dobby" said Harry, coughing.

Dobby looked nervously over at the wizards with his wand out and nodded.

Harry watched as Dobby banished a chisel out of the workroom over into the chest of the wizard. Whoever it was stared stupidly at the four inch wide chisel sticking out of their sternum and fell over.

"Good work Dobby" croaked Harry. "St Mungos Now!"

Harry woke up on his back feeling terrible. The ceiling was light green. The walls were too.

He turned his head and saw Hermione Granger sleeping awkwardly in the visitors chair.

Harry tried to speak, but all that came out was a croak, and his chest hurt like hell.

Hermione woke with a start. Her red-rimmed eyes looked at Harry. "You nearly died" she said.

Oh she's going to be all angry and stuff thought Harry.

"It was Dolohov's uncle." said Hermione. "Which is how he knew the curse Dolohov was so famous for."

Wow… amazingly terse for Hermione.

He looked at the bedside table. Resting on it was a little basket with tiny treacle tarts.

"Treacle tart, my favourite" said Harry.

"You have a lot of explaining to do" said Hermione.

"What?"

"You lied to me." she said.

Harry tried to guess which lie she'd twigged to. He couldn't. It was too hard, he was too sore.

Hermione stood up and helped Harry sip water.

"Thanks" he said more easily.

Hermione smiled, a bit… viciously and pulled a tasseled cord by the bed.

A little bit later, healers came in and started poking and prodding Harry, and made him drink an entire rack of noxious potions. Hermione sat smugly in the chair the whole time.

"Ten potions a day for weeks" she explained.

Harry started to feel a bit floaty.

"Before the pain potion sends you to la la land, Last night I had a very interesting discussion with your ex-wife. Who by the way, stayed here till she was nearly dead on her feet. Theo took her home, to your shared house. She will be back after work, no doubt. I am on carers leave, and I will be here days for a week."

"I never meant for her to be badly hurt" said Harry.

"Not that" said Hermione, and wave her wand. The door shut and squelched into the door-frame.

"You actually did it, you defeated Voldemort, and you never took any credit for it"

"Mostly got lucky" said Harry.

"You were foolishly brave, and lucky. I'm your friend. You didn't tell me." said Hermione.

"It was a secret" said Harry.

"That your ex-wife told me last night. While she sobbed over your mangled body."

"Sobbed?"

"She loves you, you dimwit."

"No she doesn't"

"She went and found mini treacle tarts for you. And when did you get to be such a good cook?"

"Er, I cooked for my relatives since .. since I could reach the stove" said Harry (and a bit before that).

"Daphne was sobbing, saying how she'd miss you, miss your cooking!."

Harry felt tears in his eyes.

"You are terrible at relationships" said Hermione.

Harry stopped crying.

Hours later… Harry had been slipping in and out of consciousness, Daphne Greengrass turned up.

"Granger" she said.

"Greengrass" said Hermione, with a smile.

"How has he been" Daphne asked.

"Ten potions a day, slipping in and out of consciousness."

Harry spoke up "I'm not dead" he croaked.

Daphne looked at him, lips pressed together. "And why is that?"

"Dobby" said Harry.

"You need to get some spell suppression in the shop" said Daphne.

Harry spoke up "Hermione said you sobbed over me all night"

Daphne looked at Hermione "Oh, really? Considering I only found out you were here today, I find that hard to believe" said Daphne coldly.

Hermione smiled "Er..."

"Oh she's bullshitting" said Harry tiredly. "She does that sometimes"

"I'll need to tell Theo that" said Daphne.

"So who sent the mini treacle tarts?" asked Harry.

Daphne turned away from Harry.

"Oy, Greeny. Did you send me mini treacle tarts?" asked Harry.

"I might have" said Daphne, still facing away from Harry.

"So it's true… you love me?" asked Harry.

Daphne turned around, eyes wet "There's more to love than treacle tarts" she said.

"How did you find out I was here" asked Harry.

Daphne started talking at the same time as Hermione

"Theo told me" said Daphne.

"St Mungos called me, you don't have a next of kin" said Hermione.

Harry thought for a bit "Theo told you?"

"I couldn't find you, I went to see Theo" admitted Daphne.

"At one am" said Hermione. "Crying"

"Daphne? Were we boyfriend and girlfriend at Hogwarts?" asked Harry.

"We were betrothed." she said.

Harry rolled his eyes.

Hermione spoke up "Harry, if you ever wondered why Daphne slapped you in the face… that night, it was because you apologised for kissing her. On the love-seat"

Harry's mind churned. What?

Daphne Greengrass, Harry Potter's ex-wife sniffled. Harry looked at her. She looked sad.

"Daphne, I um… I miss dancing with you… and kissing" admitted Harry.

"We danced the other night" said Daphne. Hermione snorted.

Harry raised one hand and beckoned.

"Oh… you want a kiss?" said Daphne.

"Actually, I DO" said Harry, and Daphne's eyes widened.

Harry beckoned.

Daphne bent over and kissed Harry on the cheek.

"Oh come on, I've seen you two kiss better than that!" said Hermione. She really is a Griffindor, thought Harry.

"Daphne's been going to visit Theo and sobbing her guts out for months about how she let Harry get away" said Hermione.

"I told him that in confidence!" said Daphne sharply.

"And I'm going to marry him, so he tells me things, or he doesn't get to play naughty librarian and boy with overdue library book" said Hermione, not even blushing.

"Betrayed by your friends" said Harry.

"You are a stiff-necked idiot" said Daphne.

"And you are always pretending to not have feelings." said Harry. "You loved dancing and snogging in seventh year"

Daphne blushed "You've told Granger, she'll tell Theo"

"We were engaged, we got married a few months later" said Harry. "I'd like a kiss?"

Daphne leaned over and kissed Harry delicately on the lips.

"Thank you love" murmured Harry, eyes closed.

Hermione snorted "So the the fabled Ice Queen of Slytherin is all an act?"

"What?" asked Daphne.

"The Ice Queen of Slytherin, that's what, um people called you"

Daphne laughed "Because I always put huge amounts of ice in the drinks I sold." she explained.

Harry chuckled… shit that hurts.

Hermione looked at Daphne accusingly "You were selling booze?"

"Since fifth year" admitted Daphne.

"You were a prefect!" said Hermione angrily.

"So nobody ever suspected me" said Daphne, smiling.

"Hermione, meet Daphne, this is what she's really like" said Harry.

"A liar and a sneak!" said Hermione.

"Considering you bullshitted Harry as soon as he woke up? A bit hypocritical of you" said Daphne.

"Do you have any other secrets?" asked Hermione

"Well, we sold the basilisk I killed" admitted Harry.

"You… sold it? Was it worth a lot?" asked Hermione.

"Is a million galleons a lot?" asked Daphne, idly.

"You're millionaires?" said Hermione incredulously. "But you sell secondhand furniture"

"He likes working with his hands" said Daphne, a trace of fondness in her voice.

"Where do you live anyway? Sirius wouldn't tell me" asked Hermione.

"Tom Riddles family manor" said Daphne, a trace of a smile on her face.

Hermione froze "You don't!"

"Yeah" said Harry. "Long story."

Hermione got up "Daphne, you might want to sit next to Harry, now you've both stopped being asses about um… loving each other"

Daphne replied "Oh, I'm sure Harry will still be an ass. It's his thing. They are as hard as they look" she said.

Hermione looked confused, then blushed "But… you two"

Harry croaked "Uh, maybe Hermione doesn't need to hear about that"

Daphne snorted "Yes dear" she said, and sat in the chair next to Harry.

Harry dangled a hand out of bed next to Daphne. She picked his hand up and tucked it back into bed.

"I'll um be going now" said Hermione.

Daphne waved her wand and stuck the door shut.

"So you love me?" she asked

"I think so" said Harry "I'm not sure how it works, but… I miss you when you're not around, and when dance music starts, I want to dance with you"

Daphne's eyes glistened "Well" she said, and leaned over and kissed Harry on the forehead.

"Not a proper kiss?"

"You're too weak for the kind of kiss you need" said Daphne.

"So are we going out?" asked Harry.

"We are not. You are too sick." said Daphne.

"I'm not that sick" said Harry and pointed down the bed. Daphne cleared her throat, and rearranged the bed-sheets.

"Oh, aren't you going to take a look at the new scar?" asked Harry

"New scar? You have more than one?"

"Well, basilisk left a hole in my arm, Dragon messed up my shoulder" said Harry.

Daphne looked harry in the eyes "You're joking? You're covered in scars"

"The new one is on my chest, I think" said Harry.

Daphne lifted the sheet and peeked. "Oh my… it goes from your um… chest to your hip." she said, then made a choking sound, and dropped the sheet.

"You're...sticking up again" she said.

"Well, being around you does that to me" admitted Harry "Even tired like this"

Daphne coughed. "Are you okay?"

"I need a kiss. A proper kiss" said Harry.

Daphne Greengrass snogged Harry Potter gently.

"Daphne, I um… I I'd like to marry you again" said Harry.

"Good grief no" said Daphne. "You're divorced, and have terrible habits"

"And I want to be with you forever" said Harry.

"What?"

"Months ago., Hermione asked if I wanted to play house with you forever. I… saw it in my minds eye. It was beautiful" said Harry.

"You take all this time to find out how to say sweet things?" said Daphne.

"Not as sweet as you" said Harry, wheezing.

"Are you alright, should I call the healers?" asked Daphne.

"Well, you should probably unstick the door" said Harry.

"I'm not done yet, said Daphne, kissing Harry one more time.

"How long am I going to be stuck in bed?"

"A week to two, then bed rest at home" said Daphne "I"ll take some leave"

"The elves can look after me" said Harry.

"I'm spending that time in bed with you" said Daphne.

Harry blushed.

"You're too sick. I just want to cuddle you" admitted Daphne.

"Daphne Greengrass is a cuddler?"

"And Hermione plays kinky dress up with Theo?" retorted Daphne.

"Please… don't make me imagine that" said Harry. "She's my best friend"

Daphne kissed Harry softly. "Okay." she said.

Harry looked up and Daphne was taking her shoes off.

"What?"

"There's plenty of room on your good side" said Daphne, and took off her outer robe.

Then she wriggled around for a bit, and dropped a bra into her robe.

Harry's eyes widened. Daphne turned around and Harry gazed… wow.

Daphne in a blouse and slip slid under the sheet and snuggled up to Harry. She was really warm. And soft. Oh boy.

Daphne kissed the side of his head "goodnight Harry" she said.

Harry work up warm, and really sore down one side. He could smell Daphne's scent. He opened his eyes and saw strands of light. Hair. Out of focus hair. He reached over and found his glasses, and put them on. Next to him snuggled up in bed, was Daphne Greengrass, a peaceful look on her face, her long blonde hair everywhere.

"Wake up" he croaked.

Daphne woke up and blinked. She looked at Harry curiously "It wasn't a dream" she said.

"No love, it wasn't." he said. Daphne winkled her nose. "Morning breath" she said and got out of the hospital bed. She found her wand, cast a breath freshening charm on herself, another that tidied her hair, and the turned her back on Harry, and to his shock, took her blouse off. Her back was gorgeous. She pulled her bra on and did it up, hands behind her back, and pulled her blouse back on. She turned to look at Harry, smiling "Liked what you saw?" she said, looking at Harry's lap.

Harry straightened the sheets. "I like you" he said.

"Evidently" said Daphne, putting her robe on. "Well I need breakfast and then I'll have work. I'll see you afterwards. Take all your potions and be good."

"Yes Dear" said Harry, and got a kiss on the forehead for his troubles.

Moments after Daphne departed, a Healer came in "Mister Potter, your door was spelled shut. Can you not do that, you need to be checked every four hours"

"My wife" said Harry "We had to have a discussion"

"For eighteen hours?" said the healer, glaring at Harry's messed up bed.

"And she got tired and had a sleep" said Harry.

"This is not a hotel mister Potter. You family can visit, but they cannot sleep over. You are in no fit state for a sleepover."

"We slept" said Harry. "That's all"

-==0==-

Weeks later

Harry was dancing with Daphne to the wizarding wireless, then the song ended. He looked down at Daphne's face and on reflex, kissed her. It was soft and familiar.

Daphne stood still for a moment, then started kissing Harry back. Harry felt that Daphne's head needed held, and the hand on her waist wrapped around her waist. It was just like the old days at Hogwarts… familiar and … comfortable.

Daphne's arms ended up wrapped around Harry's neck. It wasn't entirely clear how.

Harry broke the kiss and looked at Daphne "Uh, just… felt like it" he said.

Daphne's pupils were large and her lips pink "Well, I think that was very good. Have you considered some snogging?"

Harry returned to kissing.

Harry and Daphne snogged in their drawing room for a long time.

"Harry" said Daphne "Lets go to bed" she said.

"I have to warn you, I have no idea what I'm doing" said Harry.

Daphne snorted "How hard can it be?" she said.

"Reach down and find out" said Harry, winking.

Daphne gasped "Mister Potter" she said, slipping a hand down… "Oh… very hard" she said.

"Uuk" groaned Harry.

They ran briskly up the stairs, both getting into Harry's bed and snogging some more.

Harry stroked Daphne's side. She messed his hair with one hand.

Harry pulled Daphne closer and Harry could feel Daphne pressing against him

"Mmmm" said Harry.

Daphne pulled back from Harry and looked at him, blushing.

"Well, do you know the charm" said Daphne. "I never learned it, because you know, contract"

"I don't know the damn charm. Why would I need to know it. I've been married to a witch who can't stand me" said Harry, frustrated.

"Well I don't have the potion. Because I clearly wouldn't need it either." said Daphne.

"Goodnight then!" said Daphne and got out of Harry's bed and went to her room.

Harry went to the bathroom frustrated.

Afterwards, he still felt annoyed and horny and sorry.

He went and knocked on Daphne's bedroom door.

"Go away" said Daphne.

Harry opened the door and opened his mouth to apologise, to see Daphne, naked, on her bed, 'damn, patronus moment right here' doing.. things.

"Oh fuck off!" said Daphne, her back arching, and her hips shaking.

Harry ran over and grabbed Daphne's head and snogged her like he'd never snogged before. Her mouth was hot and warm and Harry's other hand, with a mind of it's own, grabbed Daphne's thigh, slid up it, his hand got slapped once, and them Daphne grabbed his hand and… he was helping. Daphne groaned, and Harry wanted to bottle the sound.

Some time later, Harry's mouth felt like jam, his tongue felt like it's been ripped out by the roots and his hand ached. Daphne relaxed. Harry stood up, his back aching.

"You were very rude, coming in here like that" she said. 'Nakedly. His naked wife nakedly.' thought Harry.

Harry kissed her again. She wriggled luxuriously. His aching hand moved.

"Mmmm, not now" she said. "Sleepy."

Harry climbed into the bed on the other side, pulled up the covers and snuggled up to his wife.

"Ow! You're on my hair" she exclaimed.

"Sorry" said Harry, moving her hair, and snuggling right up so his nose was right next to her hair.

"Nox" cast Daphne.

-==0==-

"Harry" said Daphne, finishing her tea.

"Yes dear?" said Harry, gazing hungrily at his ex-wife.

"Get the potion today. Both potions, and learn the both charms." said Daphne, putting her breakfast plate in the sink.

"Any chance of a quick snog before you go?" asked Harry.

"No. Lets not start by getting pregnant" said Daphne, and left.

Harry sat, brain seized for a bit.

Then he changed into respectable clothes and Apparated to Diagon Alley. He had shopping to do.

-==0==-

Harry had a light dinner under warming charms, dessert under stasis charms and a bottle of spiced mead. Oh, and an unopened bottle of pregnancy preventive potion for witches. He' already taken a carefully measured dose of pregnancy preventive potion for wizards. He frowned at the room and moved everything to the dining room, careful to polish the twelve seat walnut table before putting placemats and dishes down. He frowned at the place settings and Apparated away.

He returned with a canteen of silverware from the Potter vault, and a box of china. Ten minutes of charms later, the table was dressed with silver flatware and plates from his grandmothers house.

He looked at the table.. Still seems a bit bare. He Apparated off and returned with a couple of silver candelabra. That looked better.

He Apparated upstairs and looked at his bedroom. It was, a room. He changed things, fresh sheets, fluffed up pillows and some fresh candles. Oh, some chocolates? He Apparated off.

...

Harry sat in the kitchen, waiting nervously.

Daphne came in the back door "Hi" she said, slightly nervously.

"Hi" said Harry. "I've got dinner in the dining room"

Daphne sighed "I'm a bit nervous" she said.

"Well, here's the potion" said Harry.

Daphne stared at the bottle and the filled measuring cup, took a deep breath and walked over and casually drank the tiny cup of potion.

She handed Harry her cloak. Harry hung it by the door, then came back and hugged Daphne.

"Why have we been such asses?" she asked.

"I've no idea. That theory that it's the prophecy, it sort of makes sense"

"I think that the creator is just cruel, to us, making us suffer" said Daphne. "We could have had so much more happiness"

"What sort of universe would it be if our only purpose was to suffer to amuse the creator?" said Harry. "Come on, lets have dinner."

…

"Oh Harry, silver service… Family china, candles ? You're really trying"

"Its kind of important" said Harry. "Lets have dinner, love"

"Harry, why is this a light meal?" asked Daphne, raising one eyebrow.

"Because there's tiramisu for dessert" said Harry. "And chocolates"

Daphne sat down opposite Harry, smiled and ate dinner.

Harry played a bit of footsie with Daphne as they ate.

"Mister Potter, footsie?"

"You'd better believe it" said Harry.

"Oh, the chocolates are Here" said Daphne.

There was some giggling.

Harry woke up covered in sleeping blonde witch.

Nineteen Years Later

AN: Oh yeah, I'm going there.

Platform nine and three quarters was shrouded in steam as the Hogwarts express pulled in.

Students and parents flooded onto the platform, the Station clock's hands approaching eleven.

A thin man with messy dark hair and glasses, wearing a coat over a messy shirt and trousers pushed a luggage cart with a black trunk on it along the platform. A boy with dark hair; but less messy was helping push. A bit. "I wanted an owl" complained the boy.

"You set fire to your brothers curtains. You'll get an owl when we're convinced you're sorry." said the father.

Behind him, a blonde woman in neat, official-looking robes pushed another cart, with a trunk on it, atop which sat a regal Persian cat. She had an even smaller boy beside her. The boy was fair haired and holding his mothers robes.

"What if I'm sorted into the wrong house" said the small boy. The woman stopped pushing and squatted down, and spoke to the boy "No child of mine is sorted into any house but Slytherin." she said kindly.

"But what if I'm not?" said the boy, anxiously.

"Then you will be disowned, and fed to a troll" said the woman brightly.

"Mum!" said the boy.

"Your Father doesn't care where you end up, and I can see his argument" said the woman.

"But grandpa Sirius says"

"Sirius is often wrong" said the woman. "Ask him about his quest for a wife"

Behind the woman, out of the mist , came a tallish older man with wavy black hair. He was carrying a small girl, with long blonde hair. "I wanna go to Hogwarts" she said.

"Next year" said the man. "Your parents aren't going to break that many rules for you"

"But Charlus and Henry are going" said the little girl.

"Sophia, you will go next year" said the older man, and kissed her cheek.

"Ugh, grandpa Sirius! You prickle." said the small girl.

The three adults and three children stopped, seeing a couple with a small child. Around the couple were red-robed Aurors.

"Hermione, Theo" said the thin messy haired man.

"Oh Harry, you're here, with Daphne and Sirius" said the Woman, frizzy haired.

"Only way we could be sure Sophia didn't get on the train" said Harry.

Sophia made a childish glare.

The little boy, with frizzy hair, between the two parents stepped over to the dark haired boy "Charlus" he said.

"So you're coming this year?" said Charlus, "Remember to sit with Henry. Where's your trunk?"

"Shrunken. Dad put runes on it so I can shrink and unshrink it"

The father, a dispepsic looking brown haired man, smiled thinly. "Don't show off, Gavin" he said.

"Yes dad" said Gavin, and hugged his dad's legs. Theo rubbed his sons back.

In the distance, a couple, dressed expensively, were revealed by the dissipating steam. The father was blond, the mother dark haired. The mother waved to the blonde woman. The blonde father nodded. The small boy, blond, stood in a stuffy looking suit looking unfortunate.

"Oh he's out of gaol" said Harry.

The blonde woman cleared her throat. "It's not his fault" she said.

"He was selling illegal dragon parts" said Harry.

"Pot Kettle Black" said the blonde woman quietly.

"Remember to at least talk to your cousin Scorpius" said the blonde woman.

"Yes mother" said her two boys.

"How are you Minister?" asked Harry.

The frizzy haired woman sighed "You're never going to let me live this down, are you Harry"

"No Minister" said Harry.

The blonde woman snorted gently.

"Well boys, get your trunks on the train" said Harry.

"Aren't you going to help us?" asked Charlus.

"You have a brother. One each end. You'll do fine" said Harry.

"Skit, get onto the train" said Henry, to his cat. The Persian cat looked at Henry.

"Cats generally need to be put in carriers for the train" said Hermione Nott, Minister of Magic.

Skit jumped up onto Henry's shoulder. "Skit doesn't like carriers, aunty" explained Henry.

Henry and Charlus lugged their trunks onto the train, followed by a totally not showing off Gavin.

Along the train, Scorpius's trunk was lugged on by his father.

Later, the train departed, Sirius holding Sophia firmly.

Hermione, Theo and the Aurors departed.

"Come on, I'm seeing my sister." said the blonde. Harry sighed melodramatically "Yes Dear"

Sirius held an increasingly squirmy Sophia. "Oy, Sophia. You aren't allowed to run around on the platform" said Sirius.

"It wasn't my fault" she said.

"You pushed a cart onto the tracks" said Sirius, to the small girl in his arms.

"It was an accident" she said.

"Sophia, dear, never bullshit a bullshitter" said Sirius.

"Yes grandpa Sirius." she said softly.

The blonde woman walked down the platform and embraced the brown haired woman, who was a bit taller. "Astoria" she said softly.

"Daphne" said her sister.

"You brought the idiot" said Daphne.

"He wasn't doing anything our families haven't historically done" said Astoria.

"He got caught" said Daphne.

"Oh and Mrs DMLE file clerk, two point four children, with mister secondhand store is such a risk taker"

Harry caught up to the sisters "Astoria, good to see you and Scorpius" he said.

"Did you just put on a coat and come from your workshop?" asked Astoria.

"Meh" said Harry.

"Potter" said the blonde man, lined around the eyes.

"Mister Malfoy." said Harry with a nod.

"How goes the fast paced world of second hand boots?" asked Draco Malfoy.

"Mostly antiques these days. The muggles pay truly insane sums for three hundred year old furniture. The prices they'll pay on thousand year old furniture. I mean it's not even comfortable."

"You're selling to muggles" said Draco, clearly disgusted.

"I've moved the antique shop to muggle London. I'm making nine times the money from the same stock" said Harry.

"Well, at least Daphne's children won't starve" said Draco.

Harry snorted "No, Draco, they won't starve, or be tortured." he said.

"I would never!" exclaimed Draco.

"Well, we both got it as children" said Harry. "I'd hope we could both learn from that"

Draco Malfoy looked confused.

Astoria looked at Harry, then back at her sister "He's so unambitious" she said. "And you've caught it."

Daphne kissed her sisters hair and whispered a few words, and pulled back, and gave Harry a kiss on the cheek "See you after work love"

Astoria stared at her sister, eyes widening. Daphne winked.

"Whenever that is" said Harry, and took gave Sophia a kiss "Mummy's off to work again, and Daddy's got work too. Grandpa Sirius will take you back to school, won't you grandpa Sirius"

Sirius spoke up "I solemnly swear, I am up to no..."