Hi! Hope everyone is staying as safe and healthy as possible during these scary times-truly. This is the time to band together (figuratively, be sure to practice that social distancing!) and support those that we can. Onward and upward peeps!

Any-who, I'm new to the site and to the practice so I hope you'll all be honest and kind in your judgments, but anything is welcome! Yes, flamers, even you. Free speech and all that. Now, with that said, this is not a serious fic in ANY way, it's totally just for fun and there will be very minimal drama. Unless Edward acts up. Who knows with him.

Chapter One

The sharp rap of well made leather shoes rang through the hallway, louder and faster as the man sprinted closer to his destination, breath heaving and uncaring that he disrupted other meandering workers milling about in the corridor.

Essentially, time was of the essence and he had very little of it.

Rough brick scraped along his palm as he grabbed the corner to swing himself suddenly to the left—twisting in a move reminiscent of a football player and rushed past the woman with the giant stack of loose papers piled precariously in her hands.

"Sorry! Sorrysorrysorrysorry—" he continued the half whispered desperate mantra as he ran, unconcerned if anyone actually understood him. "Almost there—come on!" Run…faster…finally!

An unassuming brown door loomed in front of him, closed with the implied message that its inhabitant was either gone or busy and wishing to not be disturbed. Which was unfortunate for the messenger who broke conduct and attempted to get her attention without running through the proper channels first.

He hoped he wasn't one of them. Or really that this news was so important that she would forgive his insolence.

Either way, it was too late. He was already committed and frankly the punishment would be much worse if he didn't deliver this news and she found out. So slowing down only as much as was possibly necessary, he flew past the empty receptionist desk and barreled through the door, attempting not to shrink back when her surprised glare bore into him.

"Apologies ma'am! Please don't hex me," he blurted, "but I really thought you'd want to see this!" Thankfully for him she didn't waste any time or send a stray spell his way, she just took the crumpled piece of paper and unfolded it, rapidly scanning the rushed scrawl.

"Oh for fucks sake!" He jumped when the vulgar phrase was shouted out, shuffling (and slightly cowering though he'd deny it later) to the corner when she burst up from her chair, wand waving and transfiguring her clothes; paper airplanes then launched themselves from her desk and out the door to zoom off in completely random directions.

"Of all the places, of all the bloody reasons—of course she's in it! Bloody neck deep in this shite!" Abruptly he found himself the sole recipient of a heated hazel gaze he wanted absolutely no part of.

He will admit to flinching here.

"If you manage to get Rogers to the apparition point in less than five minutes I'll think about forgetting that you bulldozed into my office without so much as a knock and a hello."

Needless to say he was already gone before she had fully finished the sentence.

Isabella Swan liked to consider herself open minded, especially when it came to what other people might think of as 'freaky shit'.

Guy she liked ended up being a vampire?

Cool.

Best friend turns into a giant wolf?

Sure, why not?

Crazy widow out for her blood and created a mini army of vicious newbie vamps to get it?

Not ideal but whatever.

So when a random man popped up out of nowhere and fed her the famous come with me if you want to live line before grabbing her and her boyfriend, she just went with it. Although when they ended up back in the field with the Cullen's looking at her like she was insane, she could admit some confusion.

Edward's snarling didn't help much either.

The stranger merely sighed and rolled his eyes before taking a stick out of his sleeve to tap her boyfriend on the nose with it—freezing him in place. Under different circumstances she would probably be laughing at the outrageous fact that someone had the balls to boop a vampire, let alone her surly one, but her attention was fixated with mounting horror on the stick the man was now twirling in between his fingers.

"Oh shit."

The man—wizard, she knew now—took one look at her face and threw his head back to laugh.

"Oh yes," he purred. "You definitely should have told her. She probably would have let you go through with this idiotic plan if she knew ahead of time but here we are. You're hip deep in the middle of a shit storm and I'm on babysitting duty," he said, glancing at his wristwatch before eyeballing the rest of the group (that she thought had been weirdly silent during this brief but twisted interlude). "The guests of honor should be here any moment now so do me solid and don't do anything stupid. She's planning on letting out a little frustration and I don't really want any left over rage pointed at me because you decided to run off and hurt yourself."

Okay. That's fair.

"Bella? Would you care to explain what's going on?" Esme's clear voice didn't sound how she imagined. There was no anger or fear and there was a distinct lack of what the fuck like if a certain blonde had been asking.

"I—" she was interrupted by a thunderous crack, louder than any she'd heard before (she lived in Washington so that was saying something) and she peeked over to the wizard to find him rocking back onto his heels with a shit-eating grin on his face.

Not good, she decided.

Bella turned back around and peered over Edward's still frozen shoulder to spot someone standing in the middle of the field between them and where the newborns would be coming through.

It was a woman. Black utilitarian clothing (ass-kicking boots included) with long brown hair in a tight braid down her back. She couldn't see her face but she knew immediately who it was.

I am so screwed.

"What the fuck is happening?!" And Rosalie finally decided to chime in. Super.

So. As you can tell, both my Bella and my Hermione are a bit different but hey, that's the beauty of fan fiction. I also haven't decided on who Hermione is going to be paired with, I'm thinking either Sam or Jacob (no Renesmee because that shit don't make sense). I'm fully open to bribes for your favorite man candy in the form of reviews.

Just kidding. Mostly.