i had major writer's block with this chapter. (like 3 months of writer's block) So sorry for the wait and I hope it's kinda worth it.

As always, any mistakes down to me x

"No, but seriously Halstead, stop staring at me. It's unnerving."

Jay mutters an apology as he breaks his gaze toward his friend, feels himself stare again and shuts his eyes to stop himself doing it.

Mouse is sitting on the armchair, Jay on the couch. Both nursing a mug of coffee. Mouse's crutches discarded on the floor beside the armchair temporarily.

Now Mouse is here, Jay's lost for words. Keeps starting the conversation in his head, always coming up empty.

"You look good, man, or at least better than I thought you'd be from those emails."

Jay hesitates before looking up from the coffee, schooling his expression into something he hopes is strong, is sure, and not the Jay who'd poured out so much vulnerability in those messages.

One look at Mouse and the searching, penetrating but ultimately kind gaze back at him and he knows he didn't succeed.

Jay shrugs, "Bullets heal you know," then changing the subject quickly he points toward the crutches, "What happened to you?"

Mouse doesn't respond at first, shakes his head slightly but doesn't push it further, for now anyway, and then grins, "Where we were was attacked and I fell down some stairs, snapped my leg in half or it felt like it."

Jay winces in sympathy, "Where was that?"

Mouse taps his nose, "Somewhere hot so nowhere near here and I could tell you but I don't wanna have to kill ya, not this quickly anyway."

Jay grins, looks away and then back to his friend, "Man, I missed you."

"The feeling's mutual, buddy," Mouse takes a breath, and the gaze is back and within a second or two, so are the questions, "So, a lot's changed since I left?"

"Is there really no hope I'll be able to get through however long you're here for without dodging the questions?" Jay asks, his eyes pleading for the surprise it would be if Mouse said that there was hope.

He doesn't reply, and that's Jay's undoing. The silence.

"Everything. Everything has changed."

"None more so than you I'm guessing."

Jay chews at his bottom lip, rubs his face and sighs, "I'm not sure about that. Though you know I think you leaving was the start of everything falling apart for a while."

Jay looks up, expecting to hear some wisecrack from the other man. All he sees instead is sympathy, empathy, and it's the undoing of him.

Almost.

He shakes head, "You already heard everything in those emails, Greg."

"I suspect they were Cliff's notes. You know all I do know without hearing it from your mouth and being able to hear you say the things out loud is that I don't know many people, hell any people who could cope with all that and still be here. Living. Breathing."

Jay deflects because it's always easier, it's a habit, "Plenty of people have it worse."

"Name them."

The challenge in Mouse's voice startles Jay, and he has to look away. Stands up with his coffee mug to get away and reaches for Mouse's mug too. Except Mouse moves his mug out of his reach, shakes his head and points towards the couch Jay had vacated.

"Sit. Talk."

"Who died and made you this bossy?" Jay complains, though he obeys and slumps back down onto the couch, the mug placed back on the coffee table again.

When Mouse says nothing in response, just stares, Jay shifts uncomfortably under the scrutiny.

"We all lose people. Correction, we've all lost people. I don't have the monopoly on it, man. That's it."

"Want me to remind you of some things you said in the emails?" Mouse says it gently, without judgement.

"I was in a bad place. It wasn't long after," Jay gestures vaguely towards his shoulder, "I wasn't sleeping."

"Sleeping any better now?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, didn't think so."

Jay looks up sharply then, annoyed suddenly and shakes his head, "I've changed, really changed since you left. You don't get to judge me."

"That's why I'm not judging. I'm not, Jay. You think I don't know what it's like when your days comprise wakeful nights too? I know it. I've lived it."

"Past tense?"

Mouse quirks a half-smile, "What do you think?"

Jay returns the half-smile and looks like he's about to say something, but then he glances at his watch.

"It won't be long till Hailey comes by. We could do this later?"

"Come on, man. I don't want minute detail. I also don't wanna bring back the past unnecessarily except, I don't think the past is ever far from your thoughts anyway, right? Besides, since when did you guys start this early, anyway? And knowing you and knowing that despite how much you may protest, you haven't changed so much that I don't still know how you work, you do it now, you get it out of your system. By the time I meet Hailey, it's done, at least for a little while."

Jay says nothing, steeples his hands together and shuts his eyes, then nods.

"You know things weren't perfect while you were around but things really fell apart after. All my past mistakes, Abby," Jay looks up at that point, sees the flicker of recognition and the pained look Mouse sends his way, "came back to haunt me. I was messed up. Things were getting to me. I moved out of Erin's and stuff happened and she left on the same night I was going to propose."

"Ouch."

"Yeah, that about sums it up," Jay agrees. His lips curled into an imitation of a smile, "Not long after that, I shot a kid. Accidentally, but it was still my bullet that killed her. There were a couple of cases that messed me up some more. I got into a relationship with someone I really should have walked away from, and then Al was murdered."

"I read about it. About 3 weeks after the event. Still keep an eye on what's happening here, even if the thought of being here is too much. Wanted to reach out, but there was never long enough for me to do that in a way that would've felt anything other than unsatisfactory. I felt like reaching out would be the opposite of what you needed if I wasn't there to back you up after it. I figured Erin would be around too I guess and Will."

"You didn't need to, man. You had your own shit to deal with. Staying alive and all."

Mouse frowns, "Still, Olinsky was good. He thought a lot of you, I could always see that and I know he meant a lot to you. To all of you. Don't dismiss that."

"I'm not. He did." Jay's voice is quiet, the tension in his jaw, the muscle in his cheek twitching, the only sign of emotion.

"And hey, you know something if I thought that was the end. That was all, and I use the word all knowing that was still way too much, that you had to deal with, that'd still be a lot, but it's not. Not by a long way, is it?"

The silence doesn't go on for long, but the time it's there is almost suffocating. More suffocating and more stressful now it's all there in his head and front and center in his mind and he's not articulating it so he does.

"Dad and I were never close, you know that."

"You only get 1 dad, Jay."

"Yeah, I guess. Hey, you wanna know something funny?"

Mouse narrows his eyes, mutters, "Sure."

"I almost got shot dead. Had the bullets been a little higher and had I not worn a vest then maybe you'd have been back home a little earlier and in this apartment but about to attend my funeral."

"Jesus Christ." Mouse shakes his head.

"What?"

"That's the something funny? I thought I had the monopoly on the strangest sense of humor, Jesus, Jay."

"It's okay. I'm okay. The other guy not so much, but he was the one who killed dad and a bunch of other people. It was worth it."

"Only worth it if you're not dead and you're not, but still, you don't get to say something's funny when it's not. When it's the least funny thing ever."

"Ok, sorry," Jay mutters.

Mouse waves away his apology. The need for it already forgotten as far as he's concerned, "So how's Will? Things better between you both?"

"I guess. I mean yeah, we both deal with things differently, but that's common, right? It is better though and I feel awful saying this, but it's easier without dad. You know dad was always pretty equal opportunities about railing against us both, but he was always harder on me. I think Will would see it differently," he pauses, lifting the mug again, staring into it. A distraction, "You know I spent my life after I joined thinking dad resented everything about me being in the job. Found out after he cared more than he let on."

"That's got to hurt."

"Not if you try not to think about it," Jay admits.

"Ah denial, my favorite friend."

Jay shares a rueful look with his friend before continuing, "Which brings me to the past few months and well, this."

"Why do I feel you're missing out a bunch of stuff?"

"Nothing important."

Jay feels the penetrating stare and meets it. Determined to not look away first, he succeeds as Mouse sighs, looking away for a fraction of a second before he looks back at Jay, pointing toward him.

"Well, I gotta say I'm surprised you said as much as you did. I stand by what I said, though. All that crap and that. The healing bullet wound in your shoulder, which I bet right now is reminding you it's there like every wound does the moment you think of how you came about it. How do you keep functioning, man?"

Jay leans forward, pointing his finger towards his friend's leg, "Same way you do."

"This? Man, this was nothing. Just a little rotten luck."

"That thing you said about monitoring what's been happening in Chicago but not wanting to be here. I'm only not pushing because I know already there's no way in hell you'll say more, so you're as full of BS as I am, Greg."

Mouse holds his hands up in submission, "Learned from the best, didn't I?"

Jay's small laugh and mutter of "Touche," says it all.

"Seriously though Jay, I'm proud of you for dealing with it all, You look better than I thought you'd look too. Now, get me another drink and then you can tell me all about Hailey or if she's coming as soon as you say she is then at least you can make a start."

Hailey splashes her face with water, patting it dry gently with a towel, and stares at her reflection in the mirror of her bathroom.

She'd barely slept last night. Had got out of bed 3 times. Twice she'd made it as far as the front door, keys in hand, but each time something had stopped her. She scrapes her hair back and wraps it in a hair band in a loose ponytail and then turns the light switch off and shuts the door behind her. Walking down the stairs, she glances at her cell before she pockets it again. It's 7.47am and she can hear Vanessa moving around the kitchen.

"Morning Hail, coffee or a smoothie?" The younger woman calls out loudly right as Hailey joins her in the kitchen, "Woah, sorry thought you were still upstairs," she says lowering her voice as she realizes.

"That's okay. And no thank you, think I'll pick up some coffees on the way to Jay's and maybe a nice pastry or something."

Vanessa shakes her head though and gestures towards the tupperware container on the counter near to Hailey.

"That's the banana bread we made or some of it. Figured you could take some home to Jay and then I'll take the rest in. Already promised Kev some."

Hailey arches an eyebrow, "Oh really?"

Vanessa rolls her eyes, "Come on Hailey, he's just a friend and friends bake banana bread for all their friends which includes Kevin."

"Okay, well I'll take your word for it, but just for the record not so long ago, you were calling me out about me and Jay."

"And was I wrong?"

"That's not the point, you know the point Vee, but okay, he's just a friend."

"Yes, he is. Now go take the bread to Jay and those coffees and I'll see you later."

"Yes mom," Hailey mock-salutes as she picks up the container and walks toward the door, this time she leaves the house as she pulls the keys from her pocket.

"And anyway then she shot out the ceiling and I didn't have to infect myself."

"Uh-huh."

"What?"

"What what?"

Jay rolls his eyes, "The way you said 'uh-huh'. That was a very judgemental uh-huh."

"It was literally just me saying 'Uh-huh' as an acknowledgment to what you said about your super duper super hot partner, who may just also be the love of your life from the way you smile every couple of seconds when you talk about her, and girlfriend who also is an ace shot too. Is she even real?"

"What? Like I invented her?"

"No, I mean yeah, but no. I don't know how you manage it, Jay. Emotional screw up like you and yet you get these amazing girlfriends while I," Mouse looks around him and then leans over the side of his chair and quickly finds what he's looking for, "have these amazing crutches."

Jay smiles sympathetically then grins, "You're just not as handsome and charming as me."

"Smarter though."

"Yeah right."

"Well, it wouldn't have taken me over 2 years to admit my feelings for the person I'd been in love with for that long."

"It wasn't that long."

Mouse makes a scoffing noise, "Oh okay yeah, twenty months, my bad."

Jay's inevitable argument backwards stops when he hears the key in the door and he glances behind him over the back of the couch towards it, standing up quickly, nervous suddenly for a reason he's not even sure of.

He's vaguely aware of Mouse reaching for his other crutch and standing up too as the door opens and Hailey steps into the apartment.

Jay looks anxious. No, not anxious. Nervous, but not in a negative way. Kid at Christmas like nervous. He looks younger with it, years younger Hailey thinks despite the gray circles under his eyes from the recent absence of sleep.

She hears the door close around her and tilts her head to one side as she notices that Jay's not alone in the apartment. The other man's just a little shorter than Jay, accentuated by the way he's leaning into his crutches, but he's smiling as he gives Hailey an appraising look. She's never met him, but she already knows who he is. Understands now why Jay's grinning as he looks between Hailey and the other man. Except he's not just the other man.

"Mouse?" She tries as she lays the coffee cups on the counter and the container next to them and then walks towards the stranger who's not really a stranger at all.

She glances at Jay who nods - a slight smile on his face, his shoulders relaxing instantly before she turns her attention fully onto the man now in front of her.

"That would be me," Mouse confirms, lifting a hand to shake hers and she holds hers out, squeezing his warmly before she nods towards the chair.

"Sit down before you fall down, Mouse, it's so good to meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

"Oh yeah? Betcha, it's not as much as I've heard about you." Mouse nods towards Jay as he obeys Hailey and lowers himself onto the chair. Jay reddens just slightly.

Hailey laughs, it feels good to laugh after how she's felt over the last few days and to see Jay grin genuinely even as he blushes. "Well, maybe we can discuss what Jay said about each of us over a coffee and some banana bread before me and this guy have to go to work?"

"That sounds great," Mouse nods toward Jay before Jay turns toward Hailey and follows her to the kitchen.

"Hey," he whispers, his hand touching her waist lightly as he leans in, "Missed you last night."

Hailey turns toward him, meeting his eyes, "The feeling's mutual," quietly she adds, "I needed it though and also I think it was kinda serendipitous," she nods toward Mouse, "I can't imagine the relief when you opened the door."

Jay follows her gaze, his eyes widening as he does, "You know I have to keep checking he's there even when we were talking I kept thinking maybe I was asleep and for once it was a pleasant dream."

He stops himself, looks down briefly as he realizes what he's said and it's the squeeze of his hand and the gentle way she whispers, "Jay," that has him looking back at her, seeing her smile.

"It's okay to admit it. I won't sound the alarms. I won't suggest you see a therapist each time you suggest that bad dreams can be a regular occurrence. I get them too. It happens."

"Ok," Jay murmurs his acceptance and watches as Hailey opens the container and grabs a knife from the silverware drawer.

"Grab 3 plates for me, Jay?"

Jay nods, casting a quick glance back toward Mouse before he does, sees the smile and wink of approval on his best friend no matter how long it's been's face and he exhales that little easier.

Hailey and Jay are watching a house, part of a fresh case, their attention focused there. It's quiet in the truck, aside from the occasional click of the camera. Then the door of the house opens and the 3 occupants leave it, walking to their car, unaware of the eyes on them.

"Seeing this, guys?" Hailey says into her radio.

"Yep," Adam replies, "We'll follow them."

"Copy that. We'll stay in position in case anyone else shows or they return quicker than we expected."

"Copy," comes the reply and Hailey sets her radio down, exhaling as she sees the car move away and out of sight. They can't entirely relax, but there's a little time at least to talk.

Hailey smiles at Jay then narrows her eyes at him, "Thought you'd be more excited that he's back."

Jay doesn't look at her at first, just shrugs instead. Eyes focused on the camera as he frowns, "See the size of his bag? It's not for long."

"Shows how much you matter to him if it's just for a day or two then," Hailey points out.

Jay nods, "I guess. I suppose I get greedy. I want him here so I can keep an eye on him. Keep him safe so he doesn't do stuff that leaves him on crutches."

"Uh-huh."

Jay had looked away for a moment towards the house, but his head immediately snaps back to look at Hailey and he rolls his eyes.

"That's the same way that Mouse said 'uh-huh'. Also, what are you uh-huh-ing me about?"

Hailey gestures towards Jay's shoulder.

"I'm just thinking maybe it's hard for him too. You both have dangerous occupations."

"It doesn't need to be like that. He could come home," Hailey's about to say something but Jay continues, staring out the window, not looking at Hailey as he speaks, "He won't though. That's why he won't stay long. Even if it's for the better and even if he believed he wouldn't slip backward, I can see in his eyes, it's not the right time."

"So?" Hailey gently touches his thigh to bring him back to her.

He swallows, shutting his eyes for a fraction of a second then turning towards her, sounding more convinced than he feels, he says, "Then we make sure the twenty-four hours or however long it is that he's here is worth the while. Gives him something to want to come back for."

"You're gonna stick around, right?"

Jay's been gone for maybe 3 minutes when Mouse asks the question. He's gone to get the pizzas. Mouse rejecting the opportunity to head out for food, preferring to stay in one place. Avoid the city and all its memories and mostly, to get the chance to talk to Hailey.

Hailey realized this the moment he'd suggested Jay do it. The loaded expression and pointed finger toward Mouse from Jay showing they all know it. She hadn't expected the question so soon, though. A little light questioning, but this? Hailey admires it honestly. The directness.

"Because a lot of us have left him. Pulled the rug out right from underneath him just when he may have thought for once things would be okay or that everyone was around him who mattered the most till they weren't. I include myself in those people firmly, by the way. We all had a reason but, yeah anyway, you'll stick around?"

Hailey pauses before she replies. Sees the guilt that Mouse shouldn't feel at all. People move on in life all the time but she gets it, she's seen it in Jay, the effects of people leaving. Jay's still here though, intact despite all that's happened and for now, even if it's just for a few more hours, so is Mouse. Hailey's not one for lying though even if a simple yes answer would be the kindest, easiest response to give.

"As long as I'm alive and as long as the crap that threatens to pull us apart and our pasts which play a part in that strengthens us instead, I'm here," she gestures around the apartment and then fixes Mouse with a stare, "Even if this between us doesn't work out that could never change."

Mouse returns her stare, his head tilting slowly to one side, expression so serious at first now switching to a smile, "You know what, I believe you. I'm glad he has you, Hailey, and even though he's a big old dumbass who has this propensity to attract danger and trouble, I'm glad you have him too."

Hailey waits a beat before she replies, "How about you? Who do you have, Mouse?"

He laughs. It's genuine enough, and Hailey would know. Expert as she is at pretending.

"I got the guys, the camaraderie I need. I have a career that fulfills me. I got people, or maybe just a person or two in this city, and you know I've never wanted much more than that," he shrugs and smiles, a quiet smile that Hailey tries to see through. To call out the lie, but there's no sign of one. No tell, "The love of my life, right now it's my career. Maybe someone'll clobber me over the head and I'll fall in love with a person, but I see what love does with people and it ain't always pretty."

"Sometimes though." Hailey says, her fingers fidgeting with the edge of the couch.

Mouse's quiet smile turns to a full beam grin, "Oh man, Jay Halstead, huh? Somewhere along the line he finally got some luck and I ain't even mad about it."

Jay tosses the paper napkin toward the now empty pizza box and leans backward on the couch, blowing out a contented breath, looking to his right at Hailey and then Mouse, pointing towards the box.

"Now if that didn't convince you to stay in Chicago a little longer, I have no idea what will."

"You do realize they sell pizza in other states. Guess what, they even sell it in different countries."

Jay scoffs, then his eyes light up, "Like Thailand."

Mouse's mouth falls open, and he claps his hands together at the shared memory, "Oh man, Thailand."

Hailey looks from Jay to Mouse and then Mouse to Jay twice over, "What happened in Thailand?"

Both men raise their eyebrows and let out a whistle between their teeth. They exchange a glance before Jay replies, "What happened in Thailand stays in Thailand."

"Yeah," Mouse agrees.

Hailey throws her hands up in the air in exasperation and then stands up, "You're not Brad Pitt, Jay but whatever. I'm going to take a shower," she squeezes Jay's shoulder as she walks past him at the back of the couch and disappears into the bathroom.

Jay peers toward the bathroom and then looks straight ahead to the TV.

"Thailand huh?" Mouse interrupts his thoughts.

"Yeah. Thailand."

It's quiet for maybe 2 minutes, though it feels like longer. Both of them lost in thought and memories, some good, some, well, awful. Jay catches the second that Mouse breathes out, nodding just before he speaks.

"I'm leaving tomorrow. You think you and Hailey could go for brunch some place and then you can see me off?"

It's not unexpected of course, Jay had admitted it himself, but it doesn't mean Jay doesn't feel the sting of disappointment. He's aware though that Mouse is unsettled in the city. No desire to want to go out or spend time out in the city here apart from right before he leaves.

Jay has no right to beg him to stay, even though the words lie perilously close to the tip of his tongue. There's no way Mouse will open up. This time. Perhaps the next, or the one after that. Somehow he finds different words instead.

"Absolutely, Greg."

Mouse's look of relief reveals that he probably worried Jay would try to talk him out of it, and he's glad now he sees it that he didn't.

"Hold on to her. You know, I wondered if it was a good idea for you. Dating someone from the job. Your partner again. Within 5 minutes of meeting her, I changed my mind. Just 5 minutes of talking just to her. She needs you, you need her, but it's not in a bad way. An unhealthy way. You've changed and the most credit goes to you, but seeing you together? It works."

Jay swallows reflexively, "Apart from you and maybe Will, she's the only one who I've allowed to see me at my real worst. The most painful things. As soon as I began to open up and realized how much it helped," he pauses, frowning, "No, how much she helped. It got easier. Now it's just a matter of getting her to realize it's okay to do the same with me."

The tiny movement at the corner of Mouse's lips is Jay's only warning.

"I'm trying, Jay," Hailey says from behind him, rounding the couch quickly, dressed in one of Jay's flannel shirts and a pair of old jogging bottoms of her own, her hair still damp from the shower, she sits down next to him, kissing him on the mouth tenderly, repeating, "I am really trying," before she reaches for his hand, rests her head against his shoulder and smiles at Mouse who simply nods.

Jay reaches for the tv remote and turns it on. The old familiar, comfortable, glorious routine with Hailey's head against his shoulder. Occasionally stealing a glance at Mouse. Trying to savor every moment he's here till the next time. However long that may be until it happens.

"So where are you going?" Jay asks as he places the small backpack on both of Mouse's shoulders before he rejoins Hailey, standing next to her outside the place they'd just had brunch.

"That's between me and my plane ticket," Mouse taps his nose.

"Wait, plane ticket? Man, we can give you a ride to the airport?"

Mouse shakes his head, "No. I know you could, but no. I'm good from here. This was only ever a brief stop. Just to check you were okay and I know you're not there yet, but with that one," he gestures to Hailey, "You're gonna be great as long as you don't get in the way of a bullet again."

"Gonna do my best not to," Jay promises as he steps closer and draws the other man in for a hug, hearing Mouse's voice as he does.

"If I have to come back again and it's not for your engagement party or wedding, I will slap your head so hard, Halstead ya hear me?"

Jay grins before he whispers back, "Loud and clear. Never make me worry for you again like I was, okay?"

They pull apart. Jay's hand cupping the back of Mouse's neck. Smiles and the things they say now without words that speak volumes for their history, their love for each other and their quiet hope in each other's future.

Mouse switches his gaze to Hailey. Hailey who steps forward to embrace him too.

"Please take care of yourself," she instructs him.

"Yeah, I will. You too, and that idiot over there. Also, if he hasn't proposed to you within the year, look me up, 'kay?"

Hailey laughs lightly.

"That was a bona fide offer, actually Hailey."

She laughs louder before she presses a kiss against Mouse's cheek and squeezes him once more before she pulls away and stands next to Jay, who draws her in closer.

"Just between you and me, right Hailey?" Mouse taps his nose once more and beams as Hailey does the same.

"Get outta here, Gerwitz, and stop hitting on my girlfriend."

"Oh yeah, what are you gonna do about it, huh?"

Jay waves a hand toward the crutches, "Kick those out from under you for starters."

Mouse frowns, "You used to be so much nicer to me," then he turns away and gestures toward an approaching cab, looking back toward Jay and Hailey as the car stops beside him, he shrugs, "Take care of each other okay?"

Jay takes a step nearer to him to help with the bag and his crutches but stops as soon as Mouse barks out, "Nope," which stops the cab driver from helping too.

Instead, they all watch as Mouse slips the bag from one shoulder and then the other, tossing the bag onto the seat, leaning heavily on one crutch, then he lowers himself into the cab and pulls both crutches in, waves at Hailey and Jay and shuts the door.

"Be seeing you."

"Counting on it, man," Jay says, the words hitching in his throat as he feels Hailey's hand squeeze the one that isn't waving, "I love you."

"Love you too," Mouse echoes as the car pulls away, leaving Hailey and Jay waving till it's out of sight.

"You good?"

Jay looks down to Hailey and nods, small and uncertain. Not quite able to articulate himself though he tries, "Saying goodbye never gets easier, right?"

"Not when you love someone. Not when you have a history like you guys do."

Jay nods slightly then looks at Hailey properly now who mouths, "It's okay," and then tugs his hand gently as they walk back towards the truck "Now I can think of no better time for you to tell me about that trip to Thailand."

Jay lets out a groan, rubs his face and mutters, "You're not ready to hear it, Hailey."

"Oh no, you're not getting out of it that easy, Jay Halstead, come on."

"Okay, so it started like this."

Hope it was okay. Thanks for reading. I initially envisaged Mouse sticking around for a while but I dunno, it felt off to me for him to do that. His vocation, his calling, the way he wants to feel useful is sated only by his job for now at least (or at least for me anyway in this story). I hope you enjoyed.

Do let me know what you thought.

We're probably not far off the end with this story. Going to work with the rest of s7 as far as Upstead was concerned with an AU slant to it, so I hope it won't take another 3 months to do it. Take care and stay safe xxx