"Halstead"

His sleepy voice made her smile involuntarily, "Hey, it's me. Were you asleep?"

"Yeah, I think…I don't know"

"How are you feeling?", Hailey closed the car door slamming it before focusing her attention on the phone again.

"Well, my shoulder is going to kill me, but I think I had collapsed and slept, not that I have much else to do", Jay grunted and Hailey felt him move in bed.

"Okay listen, I thought I'd come over there tonight, when I end up here in the district...just to check up a little on you, if you want…"

"Yeah sure, I'm here. Don'r run, I'm not going anywhere. See you later, Hails", then, without waiting for her answer, he closed the call.

"So, how's Halstead doing?", Vanessa walked past her holding the door open.

"Bruised and he admits that he's in pain, which means he suffers a lot", Hailey smiled briefly, "But he only got home since a few hours, so, as long as he can sleep, it's okay, no?"

"Sure, I guess. And how are you?"

Hailey looked away, paying attention to the documents Platt had left for her on the counter at the entrance. Her mind was looking for an escape from Vanessa's question, because she knew she couldn't lie forever. The serious look Vanessa gave her made her sigh, she would not let go.

"I'm really fine. I'm glad he's improving: he's absolutely insufferable as a patient!", she pretended exasperated.

"Yeah and precisely because he's insufferable you spend every free moment with him and if you're not with him you call him…"

"Ah, shut up!", the woman laughed walking away towards her desk. The words Vanessa told her in the emergency room still buzzed in her mind. It's hard because you love him. Of course she loved him, he was her partner. She also loved Vanessa and Kevin…and Adam, Kim, hell! But it was Jay they were talking about…and Jay wasn't like Vanessa, wasn't like Kevin, wasn't like anyone else, it was just Jay. He was part of a separate category in her life. And he was part of her life that when she thought she was losing him she couldn't understand how she would face the future. So maybe…maybe she loved him. Did she really love him?

When the question flashed through her mind, she slammed a hand against her desk and stood up abruptly. When they all turned to her, she stammered something like she was going for a coffee, but she wasn't sure what she said because her mind was still too busy wondering if she loved him.

She couldn't allow that to happen. That if it already happened? What if she already fell in love with him? But hell, it was just Jay! He was her best friend! How could she fall in love with her best friend? Damn.

...

"Jay? Hey, it's me", Hailey stepped forward closing the door silently. She struggled to the first lamp and finally managed to see something in his apartment where darkness and silence reigned. She left her bag and coat on the sofa and slowly made her way to her bedroom. In any other situation, she would have seemed to invade his privacy but she just wanted to make sure he was okay.

She opened the door a little and when she saw him sleeping, his chest rising and falling rhythmically, she breathed a sigh of relief.

She left her shoes by the sofa and went into the kitchen to get something to eat. Then slowly, a toast in one hand and a bottle of water in the other, she sank down on the sofa and turned on the TV with the lowest volume. Just the time to eat and stretch out on the sofa and the stress of the last week hit her with the force of a train. And before she knew it, she was fall asleep.

She woke up hearing noises, the time to realize where they were and immediately understood they were groans of pain, then she rushed into Jay's room catching up his pills and a glass of water.

She reached out to him, sitting on the edge of the bed: he had drops of sweat on forehead and a pained expression on the face.

"Hey Jay, it's me", she said touching his shoulder, but he widened his eyes and wriggled hard from her.

"Jay, Jay, it's me, Hailey. It's all right, it's all right…", she raised her hands in surrender until he finally focused on her, but when his green eyes recognized her, her heart broke noticing how much pain and confusion he felt.

"It's all right, Jay. Take the pills, come on…", for a moment she thought of calling Will, but rationally realized it was better to wait and see if it would have been better with other painkillers.

She helped him swallow the pills and lean back on the cushions, one of her hands caressing his short hair over his ear.

"Hails, I didn't hear you… When did you arrive?", his light grunt and his already half closed eyes made her smile.

"A few hours ago, I think I fell asleep. It's better now?"

He nodded almost dozing, so she slowly parted from him to let him rest and go back to the sofa.

"Can you continue? It's relaxing, I like it…", he said taking her hand and pointing to the other side of the bed.

Hailey looked around for a second, Vanessa's words continuing to swirl in her mind. She fixed her gaze on him and noticed how his eyes stared at her, confused and, perhaps, hopeful.

"Sure. I change quickly and come back, okay?", she left before he could answer her.

She had spent other nights with him in the hospital, but this seemed so much to digest. Getting into his bed, with him asleep… Of course, she would have stayed as long as he wanted, but taking a moment for herself seemed the safest thing for her own sanity.

She changed clothes with a more comfortable suit and went back to his room, found him more sunk between the pillows but struggling to stay awake.

Then she dragged herself under the blanket extending an arm towards him, her hand reached him immediately and, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, she slipped behind his neck gently stroking his hair.

"Thanks, Hails", she saw him smile with his eyes closed and her heart skipped a beat. It's hard because you love him.

...

Will found them still like that at dawn. Hailey curled up on herself with one hand still tied to his hair and Jay still asleep with his face turned towards her. Then he closed the door with a smile on his lips. Maybe it would have been all right.

...

They had kept that routine for days on end, Hailey's duffel bag resting by Jay's chest of drawers with crumpled clothes overflowing. She had only go to her house a few times to take some changes and pretend she was still living there. Vanessa proved curious only the first few days, then did not ask more questions. What did you have to ask to someone who spend all his free time at his partner's home?

When she finished work she went directly to Jay's house and they ended up spending the evenings eating and watching movies. On worst days for Jay, he went to sleep as soon as the pills took effect and Hailey ended up always finding herself in his bed.

Although he had always been a morning person, the effects of the operation left him asleep and groggy until Hailey had already arrived at the office. So, in reality, they never woke up together and Hailey thanked this because she didn't believe she was still prepared to wake up with him.

Her sanity faltered several times during that week, from the first time she helped him get dressed after the shower to every awakening when she found him peacefully sleeping beside her.

She couldn't help but notice how, night after night, they always ended up approaching in their sleep. First night were her feet tucked between his ankles, second night his hands stuck in her hair, then her head stuck under his healthy arm. They practically always ended up finding a way to touch each other, what they always did working on a crime scene, it was so natural that even in sleep they moved until they felt the presence of each other.

Still, the more Jay regained his strength and he felt better, the more she felt his eyes follow her around the home. She knew he was waiting for the moment to make her talk about his accidenti, but she really didn't want to. She didn't know what to say, she had almost lost another partner, what was there to say about this? It's hard because you love him. She was so lost in her thoughts she didn't notice one of her boots on the floor in front of the bedroom door and ended up straight on the ground.

"Shit", she muttered, massaging her elbow on which she had landed.

"Hailey?", Jay sleepy voice caught up with her as she tried to get up quietly, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine. I'm late, flying to work. Go back to sleep", she crawled around the corne without waiting for his answer and, holding her head in hands, she realized she had just touched her point of no return.

She didn't want to wake up next to him, of all of the limits they had already overcome she knew that overcoming this would represent a point of no return for her. And she couldn't afford it. She realized she was already fallen in love for her partner.

...

"Hey, I'm back. Sorry, I know it's late but we closed a crazy case", Hailey said closing the door and hanging her coat on the hook.

She went into the kitchen seeing the light on, "Oh! Hi Will! I didn't know you'll be here, then maybe I'll go home!"

"No problem, Hailey. I have the night shift and I just thought about coming here for dinner, I wasn't expecting all this good mood…"

"Hi partner, how did it go today?", Jay turned to her with a smile and holding out a glass of wine.

"You feel better today…"

"Yup! I also cooked! Tell her, Will!", he had a childly smile and when he placed a plate of spaghetti in front of her, she almost cried.

It had been a hellish and endless day, she had headache and she just wanted to go to sleep to forget everything. But coming home and seeing him standing up, chatting with his brother and wandering around his kitchen with a smile on his face, almost cancelled her.

She participated at their conversation in silence, the headache that barely made her keep her eyes open.

"Hails? You good?", Jay waved a hand before her eyes with a worried expression.

She nodded carelessly, "I just have a headache and I'm tired."

"Okay, take a shower and go to bed, come on!", Jay pushed her with his good arm towards the corridor, moving away from Will.

"No, that's not a problem."

"Listen to me, you've been taken care of me for weeks. Let me do something for you tonight, okay? Will can help me wash the dishes, don't worry! Come on!", he insisted continuing to push her towards the room. Then he smiled and went back to the kitchen where she heard him chat with Will.

She dragged herself slowly into the shower, the warm jet of water in her hair and on her shoulder made her sigh with relief.

She remained under water more than she really should, but the comfort that went through her almost made her fall asleep.

She dried her hair slowly and looking at herself in the mirror, she realized how the entire situation seemed to be normal. Takin a shower in his bathroom made her feel more comfortable than she should be.

When she finally got into bed, despite the closed door she could still hear Will's voice mocking Jay, probably about his orderly way of storing dishes and glasses. She turned off the light and stretched out under the covers, only in t-shirt and shorts, and the sheets never seems to her as fresh and relaxing as that evening.

...

She awoke when she heard him crawl under the blanket in the dark.

"How are you feeling?", she whispered still half asleep and approaching him imperceptibly.

"The sling starts bothering, what about you? What happened today?", his restless tone reminded her what kind of man he was. He had been shot recently and still worried about not being on the field with her.

"I don't like working without my partner. I love Vanessa, but she isn't you…"

"You know I'll be back soon, right?", he murmured knotting his fingers to her curled hair.

"I don't know if I want to work with you anymore, Jay."

She immediately felt him stop his hand and hold his breath, "What? Why? Hailey?", he called after a few seconds of silence.

She didn't really want to talk about it but the words slipped out of her mouth before really thinking about it. It had been a lousy day, a day that, if he had been there, would have been only difficult, not crapy. But he wasn't there and simply not having his support or his eyes following her everywhere made her feel lost. Vanessa was a good partner, but she didn't have the same natural connection with her as with Jay.

"I just think I can't continue working with you…", she turned, pressing her chest against the mattress and dipping her face in the pillow as soon as she felt a lonely tear slip on her cheek, "I can't face everything yet. You throw yourself into situations that are close to your heart, even if they are wrong, and I know you do this because you are a good man, and this is one of the things I admire about you…but you can't… You don't think this will have repercussions also on me, but it does!"

"Hailey", he breathed her name so lightly she almost thought she had imagined it, "Don't you want to work with me because you think I'll been shoot again?"

"I don't know if I want to work with you again because I don't know if I can face it again! You… I'm your partner and my job is taking care of you, but I can't do this if you shut me out and do what…", she let herself sob against the pillow, clutching the blanket in her fist.

"I'm so sorry, Hailey. I heard your voice all the time and all I was doing was telling myself I was hurting you… But I…I don't wanna hurt you. You are the last person in the world that I would like to hurt, you have to believe me…", he reached out to touch her cheek with the tips of his fingers, "Hailey…"

She refused to meet his eyes but slowly moved closer to him.

"We won't talk about it anymore if that's what yo want, Hails, but you have to trust me, okay? Just…trust me…"

She nodded slowly then turned away from him, leaned her head on his arm and curling up against his side. Her hand slipped into his and weaved their fingers.

"I was lying, you know? I want to work with you, you are my partner…"

"It's all right, I'll be back so quickly you won't even miss me", he squeezed her hand and dipped his face into her hair.

Maybe everything would have been fine in the end.

Here we are!

Second and final part of 'It's hard because you love him'!

I hope you enjoyed it, I loved writing it. I always like to analyze Hailey's moods! And I love Jay and Hailey together, I never get tired of writing about them two.

Let me know what you think about and we'll meet again in a few days on 'Everything's gonna be fine'. Haven't you read it yet? Bad!

Bye, H.