And if you howl, I'll give you the moon

Prologue - Loneliness

"Well then, my Lords, I believe that settles the matter." Sansa rises to her feet as soon as the words are out of her mouth and the assembled lords are quick to follow in the wake of their queen. "It's late and we are all tired. I believe all further matters can wait until tomorrow." She watches as they bow their heads and she gives a quick nod and a polite smile in their direction before she turns and leaves the room.

She walks through the dimly lit hallways towards her chambers, her steps quick yet unhurried. The few servants still up and about at this late hour curtsey as they come across their queen, and she takes the time to smile and exchange a few gentle words with each of them, asking about the work being carried out, giving instructions and counsel or merely enquiring about their loved ones.

A lifetime ago, she had told Cersei that she would make her people love her, and that is exactly what she strives to do, every day since she has become queen.

As she finally enters her chambers and closes the door, she breathes a small sigh of relief though. She has been up since before dawn, and her day has been a whirlwind of places to go and things to do, and she feels drained.

She is quick to dismiss her sleepy looking chamber maids, choosing to undress herself in solitude. She easily recognizes the pull of exhaustion at the brink of her mind and knows that, soon, the ghosts of all those she loved will be here, keeping her company and pulling her under with the weight of all that she's lost.

She recognizes and even cherishes the ones who have died, her memories keeping them alive in her mind, making them an integral part of her life still. Her mother and father, Robb and Rickon, Theon and Lady. She wishes to keep them as close as possible and treasures these small moments when she can remember them in peace, no matter how much these memories clench her heart and make it bleed out with the strength of their absence.

It's the ones that are still living that have the power to hurt her the most.

Bran, who is as far away from her as he's ever been, ever since they first parted so long ago, both physically and in the way he's just not her little brother anymore. A king now, and a strange creature that bears little resemblance to the sweet boy who wanted to become a knight, but she fears her brother exists no more.

Brienne, who now stands on the other side of the continent, the brave and bold she-warrior whose path had taken her to positions previously unthinkable in any of the seven kingdoms. She had left by her own design and with Sansa's blessing and she can hardly begrudge her for her choice. She simply misses her friend.

Arya, the sister who was finally becoming one, who has left for only the gods know where, whom she cannot contact, cannot speak to no matter how much she wishes she could.

And Jon…

Jon, who has willingly left her and their home behind.

She had sent dozen of ravens to Castle Black, entreating him to come back. Assuring him it was safe, that he could return even if it was just for a visit. Telling him about the repairs being done to Winterfell, how they were coping with winter, all the ideas she had to make life for their people better, how much she missed him.

When her letters had gone unanswered she had sent a party to what remained of the Wall, under the guise of assessing the needs of the Night's Watch, so they could report back and have them answered. Their return, a few moons later, had told her what she already feared. Jon had gone north of the Wall and hadn't been seen since.

She feels the familiar prickling of tears and she closes her eyes, allowing them to fall freely. Here in her chambers, in the dead of night, is the only place and the only time when she allows herself this brief moment of weakness, this release from the constant demands of duty, where she can just be Sansa and not the queen in the north.

Where she can be the girl who's gained everything she had ever desired and lost everything that ever mattered.