Chapter 24 – This World Sucks

The truck was followed by a huge cloud of dirt as it sped towards us, and I held my breath. Even from that distance, I knew it looked a hell of a lot like one of our trucks, but I couldn't be certain and I was even less certain of who the driver was.

It seemed to take forever for it to close the distance between us, and the closer it got, the harder it was to see into the windshield because of the way the sun was glaring on it. As it finally screeched to a stop in front of me, I couldn't tell if the world was coming to a stop, or speeding faster than ever before.

When the door to the truck opened and the driver emerged, I nearly cried from the sudden harsh disappointment of seeing Emmett's face there instead of Edward's. However, that feeling only lasted a moment, because the following moment brought a second face into view from around the passenger side, and that face was the most beautiful in the world.

"Bella!" he shouted the moment he saw me, and when he raced to my side, I nearly collapsed in his arms.

"Edward!" I cried as we grasped onto each other tighter than ever before. We held on with everything we had and didn't even reserve enough strength for our legs to keep us standing. We didn't fall to the ground hard, but when I landed in his lap it felt like it was intentional, though I wasn't sure if it was his intention to do so, or mine.

"Are you okay?" he asked me emotionally as he pulled back just enough to cradle my face in his hands. He was kissing me before I could answer. Not just my lips, but he left quick kisses over my entire face before circling back to my mouth.

I kissed him fervently back, but I couldn't help but taste the blood on his lips. "What happened to you?" I asked as I noticed his bruised and swollen face.

Something made me glance back at Emmett, and to my horror, his face was pretty messed up too.

"It doesn't matter," Edward murmured. "All that matters is that you're home now."

"It sure looks like it matters," I heard Seth say.

"You need to learn when to be quiet," Rosalie hissed at him.

In one swift motion, Edward shockingly pulled out his gun and pointed it directly at Rosalie's head.

Rose gasped, and she even squeezed her eyes shut as if she was preparing herself for the bullet.

"Whoa, bro," I heard Emmett say, but my focus remained on Edward.

"Edward, put the gun down," I said gently, but intensely enough for him to know just how serious I was. "Rosalie helped me get away from Irina."

"She kidnapped you," Edward disagreed without taking his eyes off of Rose or lowering his weapon. If anything, his grip on the trigger tightened and his entire body was shaking with anger.

"Edward, put the gun down, now!" Emmett demanded – his tone becoming increasingly more urgent. "There's been enough death. You need to let this go."

Edward shook his head, ever so slightly. "She did this. Irina was never smart enough to figure out a way to overpower anyone."

"You're right, she was manipulated into taking me, but then she saved me from not only Irina, but also from an attacking horde," I told him in a rush as I watched his knuckles whiten. "Edward, put down the gun! If it wasn't for Rose, I would be dead. She saved me from Victor's crazy ass too."

Edward finally unlocked his death glare on Rose to turn his attention back to me.

"What did Vic do?" he asked concerned as his gun hand dropped and Rose was abruptly forgotten.

"He killed Pete, for one," I told him, which made Edward's concerned features morph into shock. He looked to Seth for confirmation.

"Yeah, Vic was a shit-face," Seth told him. "He killed Pete and ran me off. I was living in the caves with Sam for the past few weeks. Fucking dick."

"What did he do to you?" Edward then asked me. Whatever anger he had felt towards Rosalie before was only intensified, but thankfully redirected to our deceased house-guest.

"Oh, not much. Just tried to cut out my baby so he could rape me and impregnate me with a baby of his own. Nothing too serious."

"I guess I was wrong about Vic being a nice guy," Seth added. "We should probably stop trying to save people. My bad."

Edward ignored him as he let go of the gun and brought his hands to my belly. "Bella, look at you," he said to me in sudden amazement. "There is like, really a baby in there."

I giggled, which felt odd considering I was just trying to stop him from murdering my best friend a moment ago. Even though he seemed fairly serious at the time, deep down I knew he would have never pulled the trigger, so it wasn't too difficult to hang on to that particular mood swing.

"I know. Crazy huh? Look, it's moving," I said as I placed his hand over the little baby nudges.

"I feel it!" he said excitedly and so incredibly in awe. It brought tears to my eyes seeing his love for our baby, and I couldn't have been more grateful that we were reunited in time for him to experience it with me.

He kept moving his hands around my belly, trying to soak up every movement, but it wasn't long before his mood darkened again. "Did Vic really try to cut it out of you?"

I nodded. "Rose saved me. She stabbed him in the neck… and then I shot him in the head," I said hesitantly.

"You killed him?" Edward asked surprised.

I nodded again. "Is it wrong that I don't even feel sorry about it? I mean, he was bad, like really bad, but he was still a person. I should feel a little remorse, right?"

Edward stared at me for a heavy moment, as if he was searching for something – perhaps the right words to express something he was feeling. However, the conflict in his eyes, and subsequent resolution, made me think he decided against whatever he really wanted to say.

"No, I don't think you need to feel any remorse," he told me quietly. "It was self-defense."

"It wasn't really," I said honestly. "He was walking away. I shot him as he was leaving the property."

Edward sighed. "He hurt you. He could have returned and tried to hurt you again. You did what you had to do to protect yourself and your baby. There is no fault in that."

"Yeah, but I should still feel some kind of remorse for the life I took, right? I'm worried that I'm starting to go numb to feeling any grief at all," I admitted. "I cried when I found Pete's body, but not because I was grieving him. It was relief. I was so relieved it wasn't you. But I know that's wrong of me. I know I should feel more for Pete. I should feel more for all of our family that we've lost, but I just… can't."

"Don't worry about it," he murmured as he rested his forehead against mine. "If you felt it – if you really felt the loss of the world, you would probably collapse under the weight of it. Your lack of feeling is your mind's coping mechanism, and in a world like this, you have to take whatever method of coping you can get."

"But I don't want to feel numb forever," I disagreed. "I want to give our child all of me, because it deserves that from its mother."

"It deserves a lot of things that it will never get with the way the world is now. But I don't think you will be numb forever. Give yourself time. Eventually you'll find those emotions again if that's what you want."

"I hope so."

Edward moved his hand on my belly again, and then bent over to kiss it before finally climbing to his feet and reaching down to help me up.

Once standing, I wrapped myself around him again. "I'm not ready to let you out of my arms just yet," I told him.

"I'm fairly certain I'll never let you out of my sight ever again," he said with complete sincerity. "But I need to go somewhere, so come with me," he added, loosening my arms from his body so he could take my hand securely in his.

"Where are we going?" I questioned.

"I need to talk to Rosalie," he explained vaguely. It was only then that I realized we were outside alone. At some point during our reunion, everyone left us. I suppose I was grateful for the privacy, but now I was slightly concerned as to where Rose went and what Edward was going to say to her.

"Please go easy on her," I asked him. "She is nervous around people, but especially men."

"I swore to myself that I would kill those two bitches the moment I found them. But…" he let his words trail off as we entered the house and saw a very distraught looking Emmett. He was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, looking like he just lost his best friend.

"What's happened?" Edward asked, immediately on edge.

"Rosalie and the kid just left. I tried to stop them, but she was trembling like she was terrified of me," Emmett explained.

"We were out front. We didn't see them pass us," I said as I let go of Edward's hand to go look out the window.

"They left out back," Emmett told us. "Seth said he would come back, but he wanted to make sure she made it okay."

"Made it where?" Edward questioned.

"The Amish," Emmett and I said simultaneously. "You knew she was leaving?" he asked me.

"No, but she said she would if Edward didn't want her here. I assured her he would be okay," I said with a raised brow directed at my love.

"Look, I know she did the wrong thing helping Irina, but I really believe she took advantage of her," Emmett said strongly. "Edward, please let her go. I can't just stand by and let you hurt her, so I'll have to stop you…and I really don't want to hurt you either, bro."

"When I threatened her outside, I didn't know the details of what happened," Edward said apologetically. "All I knew was that she was one of the reasons Bella was taken from me. Knowing she is also the reason Bella and my baby are still alive is all the repentance I need from her. I swear, no harm will come to Rosalie from me; I just want to set it right."

"They left on foot?" I asked Emmett. "That would take them forever and be far too dangerous. I'm going to go bring them back," I said, heading for the back door.

"No, I'm going to bring them back," Edward countered, rushing ahead to take the lead but grabbing my hand again so we would stay together.

Seth and Rose didn't get far, but when I called to them, they just kept walking.

"Damn it, I'm too pregnant to chase you!" I shouted, finally prompting Rose to wait.

"Bella, it's better this way," she said as we approached them. She kept her eyes forward and didn't turn to look at me, so she must have assumed I was alone, or perhaps with Emmett.

When Edward spoke, she finally looked at us, but her eyes were wide and wary. "I want you to stay," he told her gently. "I apologize for pulling the gun on you. I just reacted emotionally, and I didn't stop to ask questions. Irina wasn't around, so you were the easy target. It was wrong of me, and I'm sorry."

"I'm not faultless," Rose told him.

"Neither am I," Edward retorted. "I've done more horrible things than I care to admit, but at least you changed your mind before Bella was seriously injured, and you saved her more than once. For that, I will be forever grateful to you."

"Hey, I just realized, you guys never did say what happened to Irina," Seth questioned. "Where is she?"

"Eaten," I answered automatically.

"Ew, you guys ate her?" Seth asked. "Gross. I mean, I guess if it was a matter of survival, but I bet she tasted rotten."

"We didn't eat her," Rose clarified. "A horde did…and then I ran her over to make sure she couldn't come back."

"Sweet," Seth said impressed. "You're even more badass than I realized."

"I would do it all again, I just wish I never participated in taking Bella away in the first place," Rose said, but then seemed to reconsider. "Then again, I heard some truly awful things about you guys, so I was really doing what I thought was right and I'm not sure I regret anything."

"What kind of things did Irina tell you?" Edward questioned confused.

Rose hesitated, so I answered for her. "She said she was raped multiple times since she got here, and you knew about it, and you threatened her to not tell me. Then she said she heard you laughing after the guys told you they were hoping our baby was a girl so they could rape it too."

"What?" he spat. "Are you kidding? Ok, first off, no one ever went close enough to Irina to rape her. She screeched at us if we even happened to look her way. I know it's my word against hers, but I swear, none of us ever touched her. Ever."

Rose huffed. "Look, Irina wasn't exactly consistent with her accusations, and a part of me did wonder if she was making it all up, but the last thing I wanted to do was call her a liar if she was telling the truth."

"So, you agreed to kidnap Bella based on a shaky story you didn't exactly believe?" Seth asked with incredulity.

"Of course not," Rose replied. "But then it became about the baby," she said, letting her words trail off again.

"You were concerned that one of the guys would hurt my baby and I would actually be okay with it?" Edward asked, trying to clarify.

"You laughed…. I heard you," she said to him slowly, taking me aback.

"You heard him?" I asked her. "I thought it was just something Irina told you that happened?"

"Bella, I'm sorry. I wasn't sure if they would ever make it back, so I didn't want to tell you this and break your heart." She glanced at Edward with fear, as if she was worried her next words would set him off, but she steeled her featured and continued regardless. "Irina overheard the beginning of their conversation, and then she pulled me over to hear it for myself. I specifically heard one of them saying they hoped the baby was a girl so he could be with her… romantically. He even said he would call Edward dad. They all laughed. Bella, they laughed, even him," she said, pointing at Edward.

When Edward huffed with some sort of enlightenment, I turned and looked at him questionably. Rose wouldn't be so bold as to lie about something like that, especially right in front of Edward. Something was definitely off about the alleged overheard conversation, and I was determined to get the bottom of it.

"What is she talking about?" I asked Edward, unsure if I should be hurt, horrified, angry, or all of the above. Who would say something like that about an unborn baby?

"Okay, she might not be wrong," Edward admitted, shocking the hell out of me.

"What?" I shouted.

"But it's out of context," he said quickly.

"What kind of context would make it okay for adult men to talk about an unborn baby in a romantic way?" Rosalie asked with more aggression than I was expecting.

"This whole misunderstanding is my fault," Seth spoke up. "We were discussing curing the red-headed zombie in town, you know, evil Vic, and then I asked if after we were done with him if we could then cure me a girlfriend. They kept telling me no and that they weren't going to cure lady-zombies just to force them to be our romantic partners. But, I'm freaking lonely and I'm only sixteen so I have girls on the brain!"

"He said if we didn't agree to let him cure a woman, he would just wait until our baby became an adult," Edward explained.

I turned to glare at Seth.

"It was a joke!" Seth shouted defensively. "I was arguing my case and trying to convince them. Maybe it was a bad joke."

"Maybe?" I snapped at him.

"And, as far as laughing goes, I doubt you two could hear it from where you were spying on us," Edward said to Rose. "But I leaned in to Seth, and what did I tell you?" he asked him.

"That if I so much as breathed on your kid, you would cut my balls off and shove them down my throat," Seth recited.

"That was what Emmett and Pete were laughing at. And yes, the look on Seth's face made me laugh too," Edward told us. "But I meant every word," he added while pointing to Seth.

Relieved, I hugged his side and he kissed my forehead.

"We definitely didn't hear any of that," Rose mumbled quietly, clearly feeling better and remorseful at the same time. "I completely misunderstood, and it led me to believe Irina's convictions. I know saying sorry could never make up for it, but I am," she said sincerely to Edward.

"Rose, if you still thought the guys were a threat to the baby, why would you leave?" I asked her gently. "You told me before you wanted to help me protect the baby from anything that would hurt it."

"I watched your reunion with him. It's clear how much you love him. I didn't think you would ever believe me and I doubted he would let me stay anyway. I just figured if I left, I could always try to come back to check on you and your child in a few years."

"Bella, I owe you an apology. I guess I owe all three of you an apology," Seth told us with the utmost of sincerity. "I'm sorry for joking about your baby in that way, and I'm so incredibly sorry it was the catalyst that caused all of this."

"Look, it's been a long few months. Can we just all go home now?" Edward asked us, but let his eyes linger on Rosalie.

Seth and I both looked to Rose as well, and after locking eyes with me, she nodded.

"Everything is going to be okay now," I promised her. "Just wait and see."

We headed back to the house, and I couldn't help but laugh by the way Sam just appeared out of nowhere and walked with us as if he was always there.

"Where did he come from?" Edward asked, surprised.

"He got freaky with a feral bitch and now they have a litter of mongrels in those caves way over there," Seth answered. "But he still comes and hangs out with us. They let me crash on their cave floor for a few weeks after Vic ran me out. It was cool, but I think I wore out my welcome."

I laughed at him and Rose even cracked a smile. Only Seth could make a dire situation sound funny.

When we arrived back at the house, I was surprised by just how relieved Emmett was. After all that time, and losing all hope of ever being anything more with Rose, it was obvious how much he still cared for her. It was heartbreaking. I couldn't imagine the pain of unrequited love, but Emmett put on a happy face and seemed to be just grateful everyone was home and safe again.

We spent the next few hours settling in to our new normal in the house. Victor and Jamie had desecrated our home and took out our figurative patriarch, so we definitely felt slightly lost without Pete's presence and it felt unfamiliar in the space without him. We were reunited as a family, but we would never be whole again. Then again, that was the way the world was now. Loss had become all too familiar, and all we could do was keep moving forward.

Before the sun set on that day, however, we all needed to say our goodbyes to our fallen friend. We gathered at his grave and every one of us offered words of love and friendship. Even Rose wished for Pete's soul to be at peace. I placed flowers by his makeshift headstone and promised to always keep him in my heart. It was an emotional event, but I still had a hard time finding real grief. He was just one more loss in a long line of losses, and a part of me couldn't help but wonder who we would lose next.

Like before my kidnapping, we all pitched in to make dinner, and we ate together in the kitchen. The atmosphere between us was thick, and I wasn't sure if it was because of the funeral, or the fact that it had been months and none of us really knew what to say to each other. Even Edward seemed to be plagued with heavy thoughts as he ate quietly next to me. He kept one hand on my leg, but he wasn't really present. After being away from him for so long, I just ached to know what he was thinking but it was like I almost forgot how to speak as well. Of course, I should have counted on Seth to break the tension.

"So, you two look like shit. What's up with your faces?" he asked Edward and Emmett. "Did you get into a tussle with a horde, or did you fight each other?"

Emmett and Edward exchanged looks, but they both refocused on their food.

"Nothing happened. Just eat your dinner," Em told him evenly.

I rubbed Edward's hand on my leg, which made him glance at me, but he quickly looked away. Whatever they were keeping from us must have been pretty bad, but I wasn't sure if I should push the matter at the moment.

As the sun was setting, Rosalie headed out to the ambulance, but I stopped her.

"Don't go sleep out there. I know you're still not comfortable around the guys, so you can sleep in the bedroom with me," I told her.

"I think Edward might have a problem with that," she replied quietly. "He just got you back, I'm sure he's going to want some alone time with you."

I looked back at Edward and my stomach twisted. He was just sitting on the couch, staring blankly into the fireplace. Something was seriously wrong with him and I was terrified to find out what it could be.

"He will understand you not being comfortable with sleeping out here. It will be fine," I tried assuring her.

"Bella, I'm not going to sleep in the bedroom with you now that he's back. I'm just not. The ambulance is fine. We haven't had a single zombie attack here, so there is nothing to worry about."

Rose opened the door to go outside, but that was when Edward woke from whatever trance he was in. "Don't go out there right now," he told her with an intensity I wasn't expecting.

Rose stared at him for a minute, and then must have understood his urgency because she shut the door and locked it.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to freak you out," he told her. "It's just, we've been to a lot of different towns lately, and I think some of the hordes were trying to follow us. It's just safer to stay inside at night," he explained, but I still had a strong feeling that he was leaving out something major.

Rosalie agreed to stay inside, but despite her discomfort, she insisted on sleeping in the living room. Because Emmett and Seth were both really good guys, they not only let her sleep on the couch, but they actually decided to sleep in the kitchen to give her a little extra space.

"Still more comfortable than the cave," Seth assured her.

Edward and I turned in for the night as well, but as we walked to the bedroom together, I couldn't help but feel nervous. We had been apart for so long, and my body was completely different than it was the last time we were together. Would he still want me in the same way?

The moment the door was shut, however, we crashed together like magnets and my concerns were completely unfounded. Edward still wanted me. He wanted me just as badly as I wanted him and the intensity between us burned even hotter than ever before. I wasn't sure if it was my hormones and extra blood flow, or just the built-up desire from our long separation, but everywhere he touched me I felt deep in my core. My arm, my thigh, even my shoulder felt like a live wire under his fingertips. Having my extended belly between us was a non-issue – I doubted he even noticed it.

He couldn't push himself into me fast enough. He couldn't go deep enough. There was no such thing as enough that night, and I briefly wondered how we would ever stop. Unfortunately, we were only human and could only last for as long as our feeble bodies would allow.

The last thing Edward said to me that night before exhaustion took over, was that he would never lose me again. I doubted he knew I was awake enough to hear him, but I was going to damn well make sure he kept that promise this time.

I woke up in his arms the following morning, and all I wanted to do was touch his sleeping face and bask in his beautiful glory, but his perfect features were battered and bruised and that was when I noticed just how hurt he actually was. His entire body looked to be covered in deep bruises and lacerations. I wasn't sure how he was moving at all without crying out in pain. I knew he didn't want to discuss it, but I couldn't just dismiss it either. I had to know what happened to him.

"Good morning," he said with a smile when he finally opened his eyes and saw my face so close to his. He puckered his lips so I would kiss him, but when he tried to take it deeper, I pulled back. "What's wrong?" he asked concerned.

"Tell me what happened to you," I said softly but with enough sternness that he knew I wouldn't accept another deflection.

His eyes immediately darkened, and I could see definite pain there, but he was doing his best to bury it.

"We ran into a little trouble, but we handled it," he said simply.

"Edward, please tell me what happened," I practically begged.

He looked like he wasn't going to budge, but then he sighed. "Em and I were separated most of the time we were gone. We figured we could cover more ground that way. We each ran into occasional trouble, but we managed. Then Em got the message that you were safe at home, so he came and found me. We were traveling back together, each driving a truck, when we got about an hour from here. We stopped in a little town to fill our gas tanks, and then…"

"What?" I pressed gently when he hesitated.

"I don't know what exactly happened. It was the middle of the day, but there was a group of… people, I guess. We thought they were infected at first, but it was sunny and they were…normal."

"Edward, you're not making any sense," I told him. "There was a group of unaffected people not far from here? How? We checked all the surrounding towns."

He swallowed hard. "I don't know. We were confused so we stopped and got out. Em and I both had our guns drawn because we didn't understand what we were seeing. When we realized they were all people, we dropped our guns. It was so shocking. There were like two dozen of them. Mostly men, but a few women too."

"They were just living there?" I asked surprised.

Edward shook his head no. "We didn't know what was going on. They were just in the street, and they all had bats and shovels, and they looked so angry. But then I saw a particular woman… Victor's wife."

I gasped. "No."

"I only saw her once, several weeks ago, when I came back to check to see if you were home yet. Vic had explained that he went back for her. We didn't think much of it, and when I left again everything was fine. Pete had said they were a little rude, but no big deal. I didn't understand why she was there and where all of those people came from."

"We would have known if there was a group of survivors that close," I told him again, still trying to make sense of it.

"They weren't just survivors," Edward said quietly. "I think they were cured. All of them. She cured them, and it wasn't until we came back here yesterday and found out what Vic did, that I think I finally figured out why she would do such a thing."

"She wanted revenge," I said with sudden understanding. "We killed Vic, but we let her go. She must have gone there and cured all those people so she could use them against us."

"She was creating an army," Edward agreed.

"So, what, they were going to come after us? What explanation could she have possibly given to convince them to do that?"

"Oh Bella, she could have told them anything. It doesn't matter at this point."

"Edward, what happened in that town?" I asked slowly.

He shook his head, suddenly lost in a thought again. "This world fucking sucks. It really does."

"What happened?" I pressed.

"I don't know what she told them, but they attacked us. The moment we put down our guns, they fucking jumped us. They came after us with their sticks and shovels, and the ones further back were throwing rocks at us. They just kept coming; strike after strike, kick after kick. It all happened so fast. We didn't really have time to defend ourselves, and there were so many of them. We had fought off zombie hordes and wild animals, and I stopped seeing a difference. I just… I just somehow got to my gun... Fuck Bella, I didn't know what was happening. I saw them tie a rope around Emmett's neck and they were dragging him somewhere, and I snapped. Once I started shooting, I just… I just didn't stop. I killed them. I killed all of them," he said with a tear rolling over his cheek.

My chest tightened as he spoke, and my stomach twisted in a painful knot. I had killed Vic without remorse, and I would do it again, but I wasn't sure how to feel about Edward's admission. He was telling me that he killed over twenty people that he didn't know, some of which were only armed with rocks. Real people. People that didn't even understand what they were fighting for. I could see his struggle with accepting it, and I wasn't sure what to say or do to make it better. Despite all of that, I just wanted to love him through it.

I hugged him tightly, and even though he resisted it at first, he eventually gave in to my embrace, and he cried.

This fucking world really did suck.