Note: I've been reading fics anonymously for some time now and thought, why not make an account and take a crack at it myself? A fair warning though, this won't be a strict word for word retelling of Skyrim's main quest, so expect some minor and some major changes. This also isn't exactly all fluff or all smut either. I'm not really sure what this is actually... eh.

Chapter 1

Rising from one knee and dawning nothing more than hide armor, the newly named thane of Whiterun accepted his title graciously. He thanked the golden-haired Jarl Balgruuf the Greater, who put up one hand to stop him midsentence. There was more! His bodyguard Irileth walked over to give the young man a weapon wrapped in yellow cloth and bearing the city's insignia. From it, he pulled out a fine steel axe whose very handle gave him the chills. It was a weapon empowered by the arcane arts! The title of thane and now this? What more could the Jarl possibly give him?

"…I assign you Lydia as a personal housecarl, and this weapon from my armory to serve as your badge of office. I'll also notify my guards of your new title. Wouldn't want them to think you're part of the common rabble, now would we? We are honored to have you as thane of our city, Dragonborn."

"Um, many thanks once more my Jarl, but what do you mean by a housecarl?" asked their newly appointed hero and soon-to-be savior of Tamriel.

"See for yourself," said Balgruuf while pointing to the end of his hall. The young man looked back to see there was indeed someone waiting by the doors for him. He bowed to the Jarl before walking down the steps to greet his supposed new companion.

A steel-clad maiden like none other approached. She was a Nord like him, with a fair complexion, dark hair down to her shoulders, and possessing a rather friendly set of green eyes. Her height was not particularly imposing, but the notably younger man before her was simply much shorter. His forehead reached only up to her chin as he continued to look her over. And upon doing so, the Dragonborn took one big gulp as he ogled what had to be the most absurd body he'd ever seen on any woman thus far.

The very front of her cuirass had been crafted around a truly enormous bosom. It was custom built no doubt and seemed to highlight the very shape of her mammoth mammaries. There was then the immense swell of her hips as they led to her huge legs. The young Dragonborn also noted that her armored backside jutted out behind her from its substantial size. This woman clearly wasn't built for combat, she was built for breeding! Just what sort of joke was the Jarl trying to pull on him?

"Hold on, you're Lydia?" the Dragonborn questioned as if unable to believe his own eyes.

"Yes, my thane. Is something wrong?"

"No not at all! I'm just a bit surprised."

With a raised brow and a somewhat defensive tone, she said "Why? Are you doubting my abilities as a housecarl? You think a woman can't fight just as good as a man?"

"No ma'am, I mean- Lydia! I think you look more than capable of handling yourself. Probably more so than me!"

"Oh? Well in that case, your words of praise are most appreciated!"

With that, she answered the Dragonborn's other questions regarding her service. She explained that as his sword and shield, her life would be laid down in the protection of his own. On top of being his bodyguard, she would also be sworn to carry his burdens. The young man assumed she meant literally and thought it'd be nice to have someone help him carrying some of his excess baggage. He was still a bit jarred by the sight of her womanly figure, but thought it'd be beyond rude to bring something like that up. Speaking of rude, they've already stepped outside of Dragonsreach and he has yet to properly introduce himself!

"I can't believe we're about to journey to the throat of the world together, and I haven't even told you my name. I'm Ulmir, son of Nolruun."

"That's a fine name, but I'm afraid it would be out of place for me to refer to you as anything other than my thane," she told him with reluctance.

"Huh? There's no need to be so formal. I'm not some high and mighty noble and you're not my servant girl. We're equals in arms. How's that sound?"

Lydia's radiant smile under the blue sky made his heart flutter. She nodded in agreement as they headed down the stone steps through the Cloud District. It was here, on these elevated levels where most of the first-class citizens and wealthy merchants resided. There were impressive buildings that actually had more than two floors, something that a farmhand like Ulmir had never seen before coming here. The occupants of these lavish homes however, were less than regal and upstanding in their demeanor towards what they considered, the less fortunate. This one Redguard in particular got on his nerves as they walked by the great Gildergreen near the statue of Talos.

That snooty Nazeem soon found himself confronted by a glaring housecarl and took his leave with a contemptuous snort. Lydia informed Ulmir that the folks in the Wind District were much more receiving of newcomers than those up in the Cloud District.

Ulmir found this statement to hold true upon visiting the bustling marketplace and chatting with some of the vendors. This one lady selling fruits and vegetables with her daughter, was kind enough to give him some free goods for protecting their city. It wasn't hard for Ulmir to see why this single mother, Carlotta, was being pestered by some lute player at the Bannered Mare. She was quite the beauty herself. The young man promised he'd have a word with this Mikael upon his return and went on his way with his Housecarl in tow. Whiterun seemed to have no shortage of beautiful women.

There was Ysolda he spied entering Belethor's Goods, and Adrianne the smith arguing once again with that guy from the Battle-Born clan. Despite the lovely ladies he saw, one look behind him and he knew his housecarl had them all beat by a longshot. But it wasn't solely because of Lydia's borderline obscene curves. That comforting smile and gentle aura she seemed to exude, had him smitten.

The duo soon passed through the large gates of the city. Beyond Whiterun's walls, there were plenty of farms in the surrounding area. Ulmir decided to make a quick stop by the Khajiit caravan that had finished setting up shop along the main road outside the city. As he sat down to talk with the oldest Khajiit near his tent, Ulmir was a bit disappointed by his housecarl's reaction. She kept her distance and looked upon the cat-folk was slight disdain. Not the same kind that pompous snob Nazeem gave them, but enough for him to understand she wasn't comfortable being around these furry vendors from Elsweyr.

He couldn't blame her of course. Most Nords shared her xenophobic sentiments towards the other races, especially the beast folk. Ulmir wasn't about to make her change for his sake and just bought some extra supplies for the long trip ahead. He secured his furred backpack as Lydia did the same with her own leather knapsack. They passed the stables and got onto the main road heading east of Whiterun. Once they left behind the Honningbrew Meadery, Lydia told him that they would not come across another civilized area for a good two-three days depending on how frequently they stopped for rest.

Tirdas

It was no exaggeration how tall the throat of the world truly was. Even from where they walked, the clouds obscured his vision and Ulmir couldn't see the top. If this really was going to be such an arduous trek, he was glad to have some company. It also didn't hurt that this company was a Nord goddess blessed by Dibella herself. Though very alluring was the sauntering motions of her wide hips, Ulmir decided to take the lead. Lydia probably had an endless drove of men and guards throwing themselves at her back home. She didn't need another dog hounding her, and definitely not from some young punk barely passing his eighteenth birthday.

In fact, compared to the usual lot of big and burly Nord men you'd see in Skyrim, Ulmir was on the smaller end. Not just in his already established short stature, but his body too was trim and toned rather than bulging with muscle. His short, brown hair was wavy and slicked back, with a boyish face to boot. Even worse he thought, his fighting style was more akin to a thief's or assassin's. His choice of weapon after all consisted of a hunting bow and steel dagger combo. He's never really swung anything bigger than a short sword before. The Axe of Whiterun felt clunky and awkward in his hand. But for both their sake's and all the mortal realm, he will fight no matter what to stop Alduin's return to power.

One thing at a time however, he must hone his skills not only as a fighter, but as the Dragonborn too. Who better than to show him the way, then these masters of the Voice, the Greybeards. With this renewed confidence, he marched on.

The first day saw little rest for them. At least twice they encountered small packs of hungry wolves looking to make a quick meal out them. The ferocity of their attacks made him wonder just how many unprepared travelers have been lost without a trace. Not just to these beasts, but to the bigger and deadlier horrors lying in wait. Lydia noticed his concerns as she skinned some pelts for later. The only solace she could offer someone who has yet to truly experience the dangers of the world, was to never let his guard down. Animals and creatures were one thing, people without morals and honor were another.

"C'mon Lydia. I took down a dragon, didn't I? Some bandits don't scare me."

"With all due respect, you won't have Irileth and a dozen Whiterun guards to fall back on," she said in a teasing manner.

"True, but I do now have the most capable housecarl in all the nine holds, right?"

That got a good chuckle out of Lydia, who told Ulmir to keep moving. Skyrim's vast wilderness was no place to be after dark. The stone path they walked on began slowly falling apart as the dirt took over and the grass and flowers grew wilder around them. The sun was running towards the horizon and the sky was coming to life with a colorful array of lights and twinkling stars.

It was only once they had delved far enough into a heavily wooded area, that Ulmir noticed his housecarl unsheathe her steel sword. The young man didn't immediately notice it himself, but he too picked up on this feeling of unnerving tension in the air. They both slowed their pace as Lydia whispered, telling him to take out his bow.

The forest was dead silent. Not a bird's chirp or insect's buzz could be heard. Even the wind had grown quiet and foreboding as the light was gradually overtaken by sinister shadows creeping closer. The two were slowed to a crawl, carefully eyeing their surroundings. Lydia warned him against taking out a torch. The momentary blindness of their adjusting eyes could be their end. She simply marched forward and kept her shield raised. Ulmir watched their backs and was already drawing an iron arrow on the string of his hunting bow. Though he lacked the combat experience of a trained housecarl like her, hunting for game with his father had taught him a thing or two about the wilderness.

Few beasts hunted in such a cautious and patient manner. Wolves were prideful and tended to announce their pack's approach. Bears stood their ground and would charge only after being provoked. That left just one culprit capable of making his blood run cold and his body sweat even in this nipping nighttime air.

A second, lingering glance to their right, and Ulmir saw it. Hidden perfectly in some thick bush a few meters away, were the golden, sharp eyes of their stalker. He quickly gave its position away to his companion and stopped her before she could do anything rash. The large saber-tooth tiger came quietly out from hiding. It knew they could see it and had no further reason to be stealthy. Ulmir and Lydia kept eye contact with the rather bulky big cat and continued to do so until it ran off in the opposite direction.

"How did you know it wouldn't attack?" his housecarl questioned.

"I didn't. It's just something my father taught me. If you stare them down long enough, they might just let you walk away in one piece."

"Emphasis on might. Let's get out of here before it has second thoughts."

The danger was gone, and it was time to make camp for the night. They settled on an elevated plateau overlooking their path. Ulmir had wanted to talk to Lydia over a warm flame and some much need food, but they had been walking for quite some time since leaving Whiterun. A quick dinner and rest would serve them better for the even longer trip tomorrow. They both dozed off in their own sleeping bags as the forest came back alive with noise once more.

Middas

Packing up their gear and smothering the charred campfire remains, they headed back onto the path. The forest didn't follow them for much longer and gave way to a cobblestoned path hugged by a flowing river. Some grazing deer fled towards the woods behind them as the two adventurers pressed on. A signpost with Whiterun and Ivarstead painted on, renewed their spirits and told them they were getting closer.

Further down, a bold Skeever attack left Ulmir feeling jumpy. He didn't want to seem lame in Lydia's eyes, but the furry pests always got under his skin. For some people, it was frostbite spiders, for him it was these overgrown rats! He shook off his nerves as Lydia tried her best to cheer him up without making her grin too obvious. Yet another reason she would never see him as anything more than her thane. Ulmir cursed his luck and wished some wolves or bandits would show up so he could prove himself. His wish would soon be granted. The duo briefly stopped to check out a large set of two towers sitting above the widening river. Ulmir referenced his old map to see that it was indeed the Valtheim towers, a landmark on their journey. Upon closer inspection however, they saw that it was occupied. Heavily occupied.

They decided it would be best to avoid conflict for now and just sneak passed the bandit infested towers. Easier said than done, because as they came near the entrance to the old spire, a watchman rose from his slouched posture. The studded armor wearing man had a cold glare hidden behind a bandana and dark warpaint. He was much older than either of them, and came over with an iron war axe in hand. Something was different though. Instead of calling out to his buddies, the gruff looking bandit kept his weapon low and did no more than block their path. He wanted to talk. And despite Lydia insisting she "handle this", Ulmir saw this as his chance to shine. He waltzed right up the man with his bow at his back and his empty hands in full view.

"We're not looking for any trouble, we just wanna get through and we'll be on our way."

"300 coin."

"What?"

That throaty voice repeated itself as the man sized Ulmir up. He wasn't impressed.

"Ya deaf? 300 Septims's the toll. Pay up or go back from where ye came."

"That's a bit high don't you think? How's about a more reasonable offer?" the young Dragonborn asked.

"Hmph. Fine," he growled back while taking a lengthy look behind Ulmir. "How's about 150 and ya let me show yer wench there what a real man can do."

"Ha! As if I'd ever let you put those filthy hands on-"

Ulmir didn't realize what had happened. One second he was taking a step forward with boiling blood and the next, he was on the ground with a shooting headache. The bandit had swung his axe, bashing him with the iron head and sparing him from its sharp edge. He could barely stand, let alone fight back. The foot planted on his back didn't help either as the much larger man removed his bandana to show his bearded face.

"Shoulda taken the deal welp! Now yer woman's gonna be serving me and my boys till she's beggin for more! Don't worry, I'll letcha watch while we-"

The bandit didn't get to finish his rambling as cold, hard steel brought him to the ground. But unlike Ulmir, he didn't get back up. Lydia put away her heavy shield to help her thane back on his feet. The frantic shouts from the towers told them they couldn't stay and stepped over the unconscious bandit to make their escape.

Ulmir couldn't stand it any longer. He stumbled away from Lydia's shoulder to walk on his own. He was now more ashamed than ever. Not because his housecarl did her job in protecting him, but because his own immature outburst nearly cost him his life. Had that bandit not been feeling merciful, a headache would be the least of his concerns. Lydia now probably thought she was babysitting an impulsive boy rather than traveling with the fabled Dragonborn of legend. Some adventure this turned out to be.