Standard disclaimer: I don't own them or much of anything else.
Spoiler:Season 8 finale
Revelations
Harm's POV Paraguay
Two questions kept running through my weary mind. Poignant yet separated by time and circumstance. At the time they were put to me I didn't have an answer or at least it had that appearance. But now with hind sight as my traveling companion I had more answers than I wanted. Now what would I do with that information?
The first question was asked a year ago on the Guadalcanal. As I tried to put my heart on the line (in a very ineffective manner, I add) Mac asked what I would give up to have her. I knew the answer before my mouth started to form the words, but they tripped over my tongue on the way out and before I uttered them she had given up on me.
The second question was put to me only yesterday by my commanding officer (formerly) and mentor. What will you do when you find her? My stupid answer was that I hadn't thought that far ahead but, the truth was that I had thought of little else. I just wasn't ready to admit it to the Admiral or anyone else at that time.
Now both questions seem moot. Even though I have given everything up for her and want to have her in my life permanently as my wife, I have again acted out of synch with fate. The daggers tear at my heart as I watch her hold Clay's hand and kiss him. I hear them exchange tenderness that I had longed to give her, was ready to give her. Once again I watch another man doing what I should.what I wish I could. I must have a dominant stupid gene in my make-up somewhere.
I watch Gunny drive away with Clay knowing I can't go through this again. I can't sit by as she takes another man into her heart and her bed. As soon as we get back, if we get back, I will move on. I will heal, but will I love?
Mac's POV Paraguay
My insides have turned to jelly. It is my worst nightmare come to life. They are going to torture me and I might talk. These guys make an art of torture and I don't kid myself for a minute into thinking I am up to their game. Still, I couldn't watch Clay endure it again. They would have killed him as I am certain they will me. I couldn't bare that. I am surprised at the new feeling I have found for Clay. He has shown me a tender side and I find myself reciprocating. Is it real or is it circumstance? If we found ourselves back in our old lives at the mall in D.C. next week would we feel the same? I can't be certain, but I know I will never live to find out.
The man set to interrogate me wear a sadistic grin and I know he is going to enjoy this. I take a deep breath and try to recall my marine training, but there was never anything like this in the manual. I hear the electricity arc as I clamp down on my tongue. I AM A MARINE I tell myself. It is my mantra.
I hear gunshots from outside in the compound. The interrogator stops and takes up a rifle. If only I could get to him, but I am shackled and defenseless. Shots ring out and the door bursts open. I look up to the interrogator's chest stitched with two rounds. I look up and catch my breath as we make eye contact and I remember something he once told me; I'll always know where you are. And I know that our souls are bound. Even as I know he would never allow our hearts to meld, I know our souls are bound.
We find Clay and enlist Gunny to get him to a medic ASAP. He is weak now and I wonder if he will make it. Part of me knows he won't survive the trip. It's that part of me that wanted to continue to play the role of lover, to make promises and give him hope. I kiss him tenderly tell him to not to worry. As we part I look over my shoulder to see Harm. I see the hurt flash across his face before he is able to hide it. How do I deal with that now?
TBC.if you like.
Revelations
Harm's POV Paraguay
Two questions kept running through my weary mind. Poignant yet separated by time and circumstance. At the time they were put to me I didn't have an answer or at least it had that appearance. But now with hind sight as my traveling companion I had more answers than I wanted. Now what would I do with that information?
The first question was asked a year ago on the Guadalcanal. As I tried to put my heart on the line (in a very ineffective manner, I add) Mac asked what I would give up to have her. I knew the answer before my mouth started to form the words, but they tripped over my tongue on the way out and before I uttered them she had given up on me.
The second question was put to me only yesterday by my commanding officer (formerly) and mentor. What will you do when you find her? My stupid answer was that I hadn't thought that far ahead but, the truth was that I had thought of little else. I just wasn't ready to admit it to the Admiral or anyone else at that time.
Now both questions seem moot. Even though I have given everything up for her and want to have her in my life permanently as my wife, I have again acted out of synch with fate. The daggers tear at my heart as I watch her hold Clay's hand and kiss him. I hear them exchange tenderness that I had longed to give her, was ready to give her. Once again I watch another man doing what I should.what I wish I could. I must have a dominant stupid gene in my make-up somewhere.
I watch Gunny drive away with Clay knowing I can't go through this again. I can't sit by as she takes another man into her heart and her bed. As soon as we get back, if we get back, I will move on. I will heal, but will I love?
Mac's POV Paraguay
My insides have turned to jelly. It is my worst nightmare come to life. They are going to torture me and I might talk. These guys make an art of torture and I don't kid myself for a minute into thinking I am up to their game. Still, I couldn't watch Clay endure it again. They would have killed him as I am certain they will me. I couldn't bare that. I am surprised at the new feeling I have found for Clay. He has shown me a tender side and I find myself reciprocating. Is it real or is it circumstance? If we found ourselves back in our old lives at the mall in D.C. next week would we feel the same? I can't be certain, but I know I will never live to find out.
The man set to interrogate me wear a sadistic grin and I know he is going to enjoy this. I take a deep breath and try to recall my marine training, but there was never anything like this in the manual. I hear the electricity arc as I clamp down on my tongue. I AM A MARINE I tell myself. It is my mantra.
I hear gunshots from outside in the compound. The interrogator stops and takes up a rifle. If only I could get to him, but I am shackled and defenseless. Shots ring out and the door bursts open. I look up to the interrogator's chest stitched with two rounds. I look up and catch my breath as we make eye contact and I remember something he once told me; I'll always know where you are. And I know that our souls are bound. Even as I know he would never allow our hearts to meld, I know our souls are bound.
We find Clay and enlist Gunny to get him to a medic ASAP. He is weak now and I wonder if he will make it. Part of me knows he won't survive the trip. It's that part of me that wanted to continue to play the role of lover, to make promises and give him hope. I kiss him tenderly tell him to not to worry. As we part I look over my shoulder to see Harm. I see the hurt flash across his face before he is able to hide it. How do I deal with that now?
TBC.if you like.