As a reporter, Alya was a naturally curious person. She tended to be more observant than most, especially if something caught her attention. And as a good friend, it was only natural that she paid some attention to the object of Marinette's crush. There was nothing weird about that. She was just being supportive.

Nino called it "second-hand stalking". Alya was not pleased about that.

Besides, he paid attention to Adrien, too, because he was his friend. So was Alya, come to think of it.

Point was, it wasn't weird for her to notice stuff about Adrien.

What was weird, was that she seemed to be the only one who did.

Ever since the failed Lucky Charm… well actually she'd opted to call it "partially successful" on the Ladyblog, there was a strange vibe in class. In most of Paris, really. She'd tried to discuss it with Marinette, but her best friend had suddenly acquired a "new project" that made her disappear even more than normal. Every break, every afternoon, Marinette was suddenly busy. Not that Alya didn't support her friend's design career, but working on secret projects so much she didn't have time for a social life anymore couldn't be healthy, right?

Most people in the class were more subdued. Sure, Akuma attacks were scary while they happened, but it was easy to compartmentalize when everything got instantly fixed, after. The damage left over from this fight mostly caused traffic jams and a partial closure on metro line 14, but it was easy to imagine bigger consequences. Some Akuma attacks had caused a lot more widespread damage, and if that had stuck...

Stormy Weather's second appearance only being partially fixed could still have resulted in a climate catastrophe. A slightly quicker one than the one currently in progress, anyway.

Not to mention the disturbing picture of Chat Noir one of her reader's sent her, that she hadn't, in good conscience, been able to post.

So Alya understood people's concern. Even if she was ready to throw hands at Chloé's newfound dismissal of Ladybug's abilities. Alya suspected that it something to do with the bee infestation right after Love Eater that had left all of Paris with several hours of amnesia, but of course she couldn't prove anything.

What Alya didn't understand was how no one seemed to have noticed that Adrien wasn't breathing anymore.

Or was he?

He had to be, right?

The first time she noticed it, was in the middle of a boring class about… geography, maybe?

Okay just because she thought of herself as observant didn't mean she always managed to focus her attention on stuff other people would want her to focus on.

He'd cracked his knuckles pretty loudly and Nino had teased him about it. Adrien had given a self- conscious little laugh. Alya had been pretty zoned out at that point and just looked idly at his shoulders shaking from the laughter. And then they stopped. The boy just stopped moving entirely.

Alya couldn't claim that she usually paid attention to people breathing, but something about how still Adrien was all of a sudden seemed very strange. When she noticed, she looked around at others, and with just a little tuning in to their rhythm she could spot the slight movement of everyone's breathing. Marinette's chest moved, so did Nino's, and even Chloé breathed.

Adrien on the other hand… She focused back on him, and, nope. Just no movement at all. She tried to stop breathing and see if she could breathe in at the same time at him, but it just wasn't happening. She took a slightly gasping breath, that signaled the failure of her experiment.

Marinette turned to her. "Everything alright?", she whispered.

"Yeah, but… have you noticed anything weird about Adrien?", Alya murmured back.

"Well he does have that migraine…" Marinette's faced scrunched up in that expression that was somewhere between guilt and concern. Not that Marinette had anything to feel guilty about, not like Adrien's headache was her fault. But Marinette did have a tendency to make things she didn't have any connection to her fault.

"Yeah, but aside from that, don't you think he's a little… off?"

"People acting different with a headache is normal, don't you think? I hope he gets better, soon."

"Right, yeah", Alya said, turning her attention back to the lesson. Okay, not really, she still couldn't muster much enthusiasm for… agriculture? Economy? Whatever Mme Bustier was drawing on the board. Instead she kept watching Adrien for breathing.

She must be imagining it, right? She couldn't honestly claim to ever have paid attention to what people's breathing looked like, maybe Adrien's was always less noticeable? Maybe he was trained to do that as a model? Part of the "holding still while people take pictures of you" skillset?

Yeah, that was probably it.

Any other explanation would be crazy, so she should just stop thinking about it, and instead focus on… demographic change, maybe?

It actually took three days between Adrien dying and seeing his father again. He was waiting on the steps when Adrien came back from school, with his hands clasped behind his back and the costumary frown on his face.

"Hello Father", Adrien ventured, suddenly very aware of his make - up and sunglasses. Would his father notice how weird he looked?

At least his hair was impeccable, what with the lack of oil production from his scalp and not sleeping anymore. Way less chance to mess up his look.

"Adrien", his father acknowledged. His gaze travelled from his feet up to his sunglasses. Adrien felt the familiar sensation of being analyzed by a microscope. If there was ever an Akuma that turned him into an amoeba in a petri dish, he'd probably feel right at home. "Nathalie informed me of your headache. Are you recovering?"

This was probably meant to be fatherly concern, Adrien reflected. Like the time when he'd been eight and sprained his wrist playing basketball, and his father had asked multiple times a week when he'd be able to take up his piano practice again.

"Well, it's persistent, but with the sunglasses it's not so bad", Adrien said.

"Right. They might also dissuade paparazzi. However, your photoshoot tomorrow is for our upcoming winter catalog, so sunglasses don't fit with the aesthetic. I'm sure you understand."

"People do wear sunglasses for skiing…", Adrien ventured, but the stern look on his father's face told him he needn't have bothered even before he started talking.

"Nathalie has already been over this with the shoot's creative director, he was quite firm on the point."

"Okay… I'll see if I can manage without them tomorrow?"

"See that you do." Gabriel descended the steps at that, turning towards his office. "Oh and Adrien?"

"Yes, father?"

"Do stay away from foods that might cause bloating, tomorrow. The pieces you'll be modeling are tailored quite precisely."

"Of course", Adrien said, as the door closed behind his father. He took a deep breath just to be able to sigh. At least staying away from food wasn't a big challenge at the moment.

As he ascended the steps to get to his room he looked down at himself. He could see where the comment was coming from. His stomach did look a little bloated. Not that a dietary change would help.

"You know, that would be a real asshole move if you actually did have a migraine", Plagg commented as he floated out of Adrien's bag towards the cheese cabinet after Adrien had closed the door to his room. "Those lights at those things are so bright, they give me a headache sometimes."

"That must be hard for you, considering you're 90% head", Adrien mused, putting his bag away.

"Ah yes, even the most ubiquitous teen model of Paris' billboards can only dream of achieving the divine proportions of a Kwami", Plagg said, stroking a piece of camembert.

"Gravity just won't allow me to be as perfect as you, Plagg", Adrien lamented with a hand thrown over his forehead dramatically.

"Truly pitiful", Plagg commented, before unhinging his jaw and throwing the camembert in.

Adrien meanwhile pulled up his shirt and inspected his, admittedly pretty bloated, stomach. There was greenish discoloration that had started at the lower right quadrant, but was now spreading across his abdomen. At least a winter shoot meant crop tops were unlikely to make an appearance.

He pressed down on his stomach and could feel how it was filled with air. Well, not air, per se, just the gasses the bacteria living in his large intestine produced as they slowly digested his insides. Fun stuff.

"At least he didn't notice the whole… dead thing", Adrien commented.

"Dunno if that's a point in his favor", Plagg said. He'd pulled out a the newest issue of his cheese lover's magazine and was flipping through the pages lazily. "Their only kid dying seems like a thing a parent should notice."

"I'm doing everything I can to make sure no one notices, that's exactly what I want, here."

"Yeah but you're not very good at it. You're only breathing to talk, I told you multiple times you need to keep that up."

"I know, I forget… I didn't usually have to actively think about it when I was alive. It's kind of annoying, honestly."

"So what, if it didn't happen automatically, you'd have suffocated long ago?"

"Probably. I'm not that great at multi-tasking", Adrien admitted. "But I gotta figure out what to do about that photoshoot. Specifically how to get all of this gas out of my insides."

"You know, nature did invent farts for that."

"Yes, well, people without peristalsis don't just have the luxury of farting", Adrien protested. "The place where farts happen isn't where the gas is, and I don't have any way of moving it there."

"Didn't the mortician lady say something about that gas eventually exploding out? Maybe that would help. Also I don't think the gas is your biggest problem. The eyes are way more noticeable."

"I just don't think exploding is gonna solve my problems, Plagg", Adrien pulled his shirt back down and sat down at his desk.

"Explosions can solve all sorts of problems, you just have to open your mind. Just like I like to open my mouth to admit luscious camembert."

"I do have an idea for the eye thing, though", Adrien said, pulling out his phone and sending a text to Wayham.

Hey Wayham, you do cosplay, right? Do you know a good place to get colored contacts?

The reply was nearly instantaneous, just like Wayhem always was. Adrien wasn't sure if the fanboy was glued to his phone at all times, or if he made special allowances for Adrien. It always made him a bit uncomfortable to know how obsessed he could become. Especially since Adrien felt like he didn't have much special to offer, to capture so much attention of someone who didn't even know him that well.

Having fans was weird thing.

But your eyes are so beautiful, Adrien, don't change them!

I get my contacts from this place, though. Attached was a link.

These ones are good ;)

Adrien typed a quick Thanks before opening the link.

And then he stared.

"That's…"

"Hm? Not finding a solution?"

"No, actually…" Adrien said, gesturing at his screen. His flailing was enough to capture Plagg's interest, evidently, as the little kwami floated over.

Plagg burst out laughing when he saw the "Adrien" contact lenses, promising eyes just as dreamy and radiant as famous teen model Adrien Agreste. "So that's exactly what you were looking for, isn't it? Your pupils are probably still going to look weird, though."

"Yeah, it's just… why does this exist?"

"Cause you're famous", Plagg shrugged. "Weird that you haven't noticed before."

"Well there's being on some billboards and then… whatever this is. Who would ever cosplay as me, that's the most boring costume ever!"

Plagg patted the link to people who looked at this also bought… "Hey, they have Chat Noir ones, too. And Ladybug."

"See that one I understand", Adrien said. "At least those are actual costumes, but me?"

"Chat Noir is also you. Well actually, the eyes are more mine", Plagg said, blinking at Adrien. "And I gotta say kid, mine are a lot more dreamy than yours."

"Yes Plagg, you're the most beautiful entity here", Adrien said scratching his kwami's chin.

"And don't you forget it!" Plagg floated back to his cheese magazine, while Adrien ordered the contact lenses and paid extra for express shipping. Even if he felt weird about their existence. The package promised it would arrive midday tomorrow, which was exactly in time for what he needed. Hopefully it would be enough to pretend he was actually alive.

Now for the other problem.

The gasses had to go. He couldn't show up at the photoshoot bloated, because it would definitely cause his father to make Nathalie question his diet, and the answer that he'd been avoiding all food would just raise further questions.

The gas wasn't coming out the natural way, so it needed somewhere to go. A niggling doubt told him he should probably put more thought into his idea, but maybe he was overcomplicating things?

He did have a sewing set from an unsuccessful attempt of his father's to teach him to sew to eventually take over the family business. The attempt had failed mostly because his father didn't actually have time to show him, and Adrien had been looking forward to Gabriel spending time with him so much, he'd refused to even pick up a needle when a tutor had attempted to show himtried to give him classes.

He decided to go to the bathroom and sit in the tub before attempting his idea. He rolled up his shirt again, and felt around his abdomen, trying to find where it was most swollen. There wasn't really any specific spot, he was ballooning over all. So…

"Here goes nothing", he murmured to himself, before poking his stomach with the biggest needle he'd had in his sewing set.

It… sort of worked. As soon as he pulled the needle back out, a puff of gas followed it. And kept following. The hole wasn't very large, and it wasn't exactly like popping a balloon, but his stomach did steadily get smaller, until there was barely any bloating left.

What he hadn't expected, and he really should've, was the liquid that followed. It looked… well the less said about it the better. Adrien jumped up and frantically pressed a towel to the hole in hopes of saving his clothes. On second thought, he could've gotten undressed before attempting this, but that was just another hindsight thing.

"Ew, what is that?", Plagg exclaimed from his room, before floating through the open door.

"I'm… solving a problem." Or maybe causing one, it always depended on perspective. "I barely look bloated anytmore."

"Kid you really need to breathe more." Plagg said, shaking his head. Adrien took a breath, and breathed out again. "Through the nose", Plagg instructed.

Adrien did. And immediately wished he hadn't.

"Yep, you've unleashed the odors", Plagg said. "People are gonna notice that more than you looking slightly rounder than usual, how are you gonna fix that?"

"Well first thing's making sure nothing else comes out", Adrien decided, and dug through his medicine cabinet for bandaids to seal the hole.

"And then? You know, if you shower it might slough your decomposing skin off", Plagg said unhelpfully.

"I know", Adrien said, opening another cabinet. He really really didn't want to go there, but what choice did he have? "Extraordinary times do call for extraordinary measures…"

"Don't tell me you're gonna…" Plagg's eyes widened. Adrien just nodded and reached into the cabinet. "Are you sure this is worth it? You could just tell people what happened, you don't have to do this to yourself. And to me!", the kwami pleaded.

"Sometimes a deal with the devil is unavoidable."

Alya had spent five minutes just sniffing the air, trying to identify the weird smell, before Marinette slid into her seat, cutting it very close before the start of first period as usual.

"Mmm", Marinette sighed. Alya looked at her, and was surprised to find a blissful smile and closed eyes. "Adrien… le parfum…" she quoted in the exact inflection of that perfume commercial. Alya only knew that because Marinette had sent that video to her multiple times to squeal about how perfect Adrien was, and Alya had obligingly clicked on it every time. That's what real friendship is about.

Though, to be fair, Alya's devotion to Marinette hadn't extended to actually smelling the fragrance. Mostly because she knew Nino had asked Adrien what he thought about the scent. The answer had apparently been some excessively polite deflection. That told her all she needed to know.

So it was pretty odd that Adrien was suddenly a middle of the cloud of the stuff. Alya had to agree with his (presumed) earlier opinion: the scent wasn't great. Not the worst perfume she'd ever smelled, but definitely not something she would've wanted anyone to spend money on. Adrien probably hadn't, but still.

Of course if he wasn't breathing, he might not smell it.

Which was still a ridiculous thing to think, Alya, get it together.

Class started before she was able to comment on it, and even though the class topic was slightly more interesting than the last time she got distracted, she couldn't help but stare at Adrien a lot. (This time class was about a 18thth century play they were reading. Alya wasn't a big fan of the play, but hey, at least she knew that's what they were talking about).

And Adrien still wasn't visibly breathing.

Which was probably just her imagining things. Because if it was true, then it meant, what, exactly? That Adrien was a Twilight vampire or something? That would explain his good looks, but he definitely didn't sparkle in the sunlight. Though she imagined that Gabriel fashion would market the shit out of it if he did.

Still, she was willing to admit she might be obsessing over nothing, and she was willing to let it go, honestly.

Until Nino patted Adrien's shoulder later in the day and said, "dude, you're kinda cold."

Alya had to investigate. If only so she could stop obsessing over it.

"Adrien, can I talk to you for a moment?", Alya said as class was over and everyone filed out of the classroom.

"Yeah, sure", Adrien said, staying behind. Marinette had left as soon as the bell had rung, to get home to work on her project. The girl better be producing some epic fashion to justify abandoning her friends at every opportunity. Nino stayed with Adrien, though.

Alya waited until everyone had left. She knew she was going to sound ridiculous, but hopefully Nino wouldn't be too surprised by some mild craziness.

"Why aren't you breathing?", she said as the door closed behind the last student.

"What? That's ridiculous, of course I'm breathing", Adrien said, his voice sounding quite a bit higher than usual. "See, I'm doing it right now." He took a few exaggerated breaths to prove his point.

"Uhuh, sure, and why don't you do it in class?" Alya pressed on, ignoring Nino's look of incredulity.

"I totally do it in class. I do it all the time, just like everyone else", Adrien said. And sure, the content was convincing, but his tone really wasn't.

"And why do you suddenly wear approximately three bottles of perfume, when you never usually do that? And why is your skin super cold? And why do you have make up on your ears?"

"What are you saying, babe?", Nino asked, looking helplessly between Adrien and his girlfriend. But Alya wasn't focused on him. She could tell Adrien was floundering.

"I… just… fashion?"

"Cut the bullshit, sunshine, what's going on with you? You've been weird ever since the partially successful Lucky Charm a few days back, don't think I haven't noticed that you've never mentioned migraines before."

"What are you even accusing him of?", Nino asked incredulously.

"Right, what do you think is going on?", Adrien said. "I have a headache now, it's not some big conspiracy."

"And what happens if I take this?", Alya said, reaching for Adrien's sunglasses.

"Then my headache gets worse", Adrien complained, but Alya needed answers. She plucked the glasses off his nose and… stared. Adrien's eyes didn't look like his eyes anymore, at all. There was a milky white film over them, that made it hard to even tell what color they were.

"Dude, what the hell is wrong with your eyes?", Nino exclaimed. Alya wasn't sure what she'd been expecting, but it somehow hadn't been this.

"Instant onset cataract?", Adrien offered. He didn't sound particularly convinced of what he was saying.

"Yeah, wanna try again?", Alya insisted.

"Okay fine, just promise not to tell anyone, okay?" Alya crossed her arms. Until she got to the bottom of this, she wasn't sure if she was willing to promise anything.

"During the last Akuma attack I… died", Adrien said. "And the broken Lucky Charm sort of brought me back, but not quite all the way? So, I'm animated, I guess, but not really alive, so I'm walking around and talking like normal, but also kind of decomposing at the same time."

"what", Nino said.

"what", Alya echoed.

"The corneas actually stop being transparent if the blood flow ceases, and I don't have a headache, but this is the part I couldn't hide with make up, and the colored contact lenses I ordered only come in this afternoon. Well, and the whole putrefaction thing made some… odours, and I decided smelling of this horrible perfume was probably the lesser of two evils. On the plus side, I'm done with rigor mortis, though, so at least I can move without cracking again."

Both Alya and Nino just blinked at Adrien as he finished his rant.

"Wait, actually, you didn't hear what I said about the fragrance, as a representative of the Gabriel brand I obviously like the perfume named after me, very much, okay?"

"Sure", Alya said. "You know, that's not the weird part."

"Don't look so shocked, you suspected me already. Shouldn't have made me say it, if you didn't want to hear it", Adrien declared, crossing his arms with a pout.

"I… I don't actually know what I suspected. Somehow not this, but it also fits… I don't know."

"Dude", Nino said.

"So I was right, you're not actually breathing?"

"Yeah, I know, I need to do a better job with this, but honestly, if you had to manually think of every single breath you took, you'd probably forget, too", Zombidrien defended himself.

"Dude", Nino said.

"I guess. So, you're like a zombie, now, but you still decided to go to school?"

"I care about my education!"

"Dude", Nino said.

"Do you? Or are you actually here to find young supple brains to consume? Or blood to drink, I don't know, are you more zombie or vampire? What's your undead allegiance?"

"I'm not going to eat brains! Or drink blood, Alya!"

"Dude", Nino said.

"Why not? According to the literature that would probably help with your decomposition thing."

"Okay first of all, all the brains I know are in use", Adrien started.

"More or less", Alya said with a shrug.

"Dude", Nino said.

"And even if I could find one, I really, really don't want to."

"Let me reitaratereiterate: why not?", Alya insisted.

"Really think about it: Would you eat a raw human brain?"

"Dude", Nino said.

"I never said you couldn't cook it", Alya said. "And it's not about if I would eat it, I'm not a zombie."

"Well, neither am I, I'm just a corpse!", Adrien said, throwing his hands up.

"Looks kinda similar from where I'm standing."

"Dude", Nino said.

"Cannibalism just isn't going to solve my problems, okay?"

"Dude… wait, cannibalism? Zombies aren't cannibals!", Nino protested. Looked like his brain had successfully restarted.

"What? Yes they are, they're humans that eat other humans", Adrien said.

"No, zombies aren't humans. It's not the same thing!", Nino said. "Don't call it cannibalism, that makes it weird."

"Oh yes, calling it that is what makes it weird", Adrien said.

"Okay, so Adrien sucks at being a zombie", Alya said, "but like, seriously, you become an undead abomination and you decide to slather yourself in make up and go to school anyway?"

"I like going to school. And I didn't want people to find out about this, hence the make make -up."

"Well you should've foreseen that the incredible Ladyblogger would see right through you!" Alya declared.

"Why go through the trouble of hiding it, anyway?", Nino asked. "You're a cool undead terrible zombie, we're not gonna judge you. You know Kim would be all about that. And then you wouldn't have to put make up in your ears."

"I don't want a make a scene. If people hear there's a zombie in school, that would definitely cause problems, and I don't want to bother anyone", Adrien said. "Also, still not a zombie."

"So you're hiding it because you're too polite. Yeah that checks out", Alya admitted. "But, like, how long do you think you can keep going like this? If… decomposition stuff is already happening, you can't keep hiding this forever." If not for his eyes, he would look pretty normal, so it was weird to consider that he was decomposing right now. All of this was weird, though.

"I don't have to keep going forever, just until Ladybug casts another Lucky Charm and I go back to normal."

"You think it's gonna be that easy?" Nino raised an eyebrow. "What if it doesn't actually fix the stuff that broke with the last one?"

"Then my best bet is probably mummification", Adrien mused. "Or laying in a bog for a few years, that's good for preserving bodies."

"Couldn't you just get embalmed?", Alya offered. "Isn't that how dead people stay fresh." ?"

"Yeah… I looked into that, and that's really not something you want to be concscious conscious for", Adrien said with a shudder.

"What? Why? Don't they just put some creams on you? You know, like a balm?"

"I thought that, too, but no. Very much not what they're doing."

Alya waited for a moment, but apparently Adrien wasn't planning on elaboratingxplaining that further.

"Anyway, please don't tell anyone", Adrien said, taking his sunglasses back and putting them on. "Ladybug is going to fix this any day now, and then nobody has to know."

"And we can run interference for you, now that we now, dude", Nino agreed. "Don't worry, we won't tell anyone how bad you are at being a zombie."

"Thanks man."

„So... now that we've cleared that up, what was that with how much you love Adrien le parfum?"