A/N for 2009-03-15: This is an out-take from "A Perfect Metaphor", and falls between chapters 37 and 38. It was published as part of the 'Babies at the Border' fundraiser last year. Many, many thanks to Eeyorefan12 for her work in nudging it to where it needed to be and polishing it to a shine.

- Erin

"Oof!" Edward said, as Josh bounced onto his midsection. "You are getting big."

"Big!" Josh repeated.

"Yes," Edward said, holding him up a bit to keep him from hurting himself as he continued to bounce delightedly. "You're getting tall."

Bella chuckled knowingly as she watched them. She'd recently pointed out that Edward might want to imitate a few human behaviours with Josh, especially when their play became more physical. He'd paid close attention to other parents and their children since then, studying the ways fathers, in particular, engaged with their boys.

"I tall," Josh said, calming while he looked at Edward, still straddling his chest.

Bella's breath caught.

"You are, little man," Edward said, smiling widely at him. There were more words together than apart these days, and each phrase seemed to surprise and delight Bella as equally as the last.

Josh squiggled onto the ground, grinning at Edward. "Hide?"

"Sure. I'll wait here and count, okay?" Emmett had taught Josh the game of hide-and-seek the week before, explaining the 'rules' one way to Josh but directing innuendo-strewn comments and images at Edward that had gone straight over the children's heads. Bella had forgiven Emmett, when Edward had explained why he'd been muttering at his brother throughout the lesson, only because his efforts had finally produced fruit with Josh, when so many others had failed. For his part, Edward was wondering how soon he would be able to look Rosalie in the eye again.

Josh nodded at Edward, his little body vibrating with excitement.

A ways away, Meredith moved slowly around the circumference of the meadow, a large bouquet of blossoms in her arms.

"One . . . two . . . " Edward began loudly.

Josh pattered away.

"This is so nice," Bella murmured.

"It is," Edward whispered, then resumed full volume, "three . . . four . . ."

"We should come back without the kids sometime," Bella sighed.

If he'd had a beating heart, Edward would've felt it skip a little. "Really?"

"Mm-hmm." She drew her finger over his forearm, up and then down, then up and down again. If he were human, he imagined it would make his toes curl. Since he was not, he swallowed a mouthful of venom and drew his hands into fists with a force that would crush diamonds.

"Five . . . six . . ." he said hoarsely, lifting his eyebrows in question and slight admonition. She waggled hers back at him and then laughed, clearly undeterred and unafraid. God, how he loved her.

"Oh, the seductive power of your snort," he whispered as she wiped her eyes. Then he called out, "Eight, nine, ten! Ready or not, here I come!" He leaned over and ghosted a kiss over her hair before running off to 'find' Josh.

"Did you see where Josh went, Mer?" he asked, jogging towards her.

"That's cheating, Edward. Alice never cheats when we play hide and seek." She gave him a prim look.

"Oh, she doesn't? " Edward asked innocently. "Well then, I'll follow her excellent example."

In the distance, he could hear Bella's muffled laughter, as she covered her mouth with her hand.

"I wonder where Josh is," he mused loudly. "Hmm. Under this rock?" He picked up a stone. "Nope. Maybe behind these trees? No." He sighed, "Hmm. Where could he be?"

"Here!" Josh squeaked, a few trees away. Then he popped out from behind his spot, giggling and wiggling with excitement. "Win!"

"Yes, you win," Edward concluded, trotting over to pick him up and carry him back to Bella upside down as Josh shrieked with laughter.

Bella was busy admiring the bouquet Meredith had brought her, naming the flowers for her daughter.

Edward listened with interest. He hadn't known she had any kind of botanical interests. As with all new Bella-related discoveries, he weighed how best to uncover more information.

"Some of those flowers are quite obscure," he murmured, when Meredith had skipped off to look for more.

"Some, yes," Bella agreed, watching Meredith and calling out, "Not too many, honey, or there won't be any for next time."

The distant, "Okay," was definitely a reluctant acquiescence.

"I um. . . " Bella started, chuckling a little, "I was short on reading material in the psych ward those first few days. They don't want to give you much to do. You know, sort of see what you're like without distraction. There were a few magazines and one book, which happened to be a field guide to the wildflowers of Washington state."

"Ah," he said, tucking a stray curl of hair behind her ear. Something told him her light tone hid something heavier.

Bella watched Meredith for a bit longer, throat constricting around some emotion. When she spoke again, her features were pinched, and she tried to smile through them. "It made me think of here and—it made me think of you." Pulling in a deep breath, she let it out. "I haven't thought about those first days in a long time, and I'm really glad that you're here with me now, and that that time is over."

The apology wanted to leap from his mouth, but she'd asked him to stop with them, so he kept himself mute, hoping his face spoke for his heart. From time to time, she would reveal some small nugget of those painful years past. While he had a broad sketch of what had transpired, there were few details.

He wondered what she'd thought about, when she thought of him, learning the names of the varied flowers that blossomed around them.

"Mama, I'm hungry," Meredith said, ambling over with a few more flowers.

Edward watched Bella's lips pull into an apologetic smile while she snuck a sideways glance at him. He had taken on almost all the food preparation lately, yet her children still always went to her first when they were hungry.

"I'm sure Edward has prepared a delicious snack of broccoli and zucchini. Right, Edward?"

Meredith looked horrified.

"Fortunately," Edward whispered conspiratorially to Meredith, "I didn't let your mama pack the snack. I brought strawberries and almonds."

"Oh," Meredith said, still looking a little crestfallen. She'd thought that a special outing meant a special snack. "Well, okay."

"I think the words you're looking for are, 'thank you, Edward,'" Bella prompted.

"Thank you, Edward," Meredith said politely, accepting the small, divided container he handed her.

"Snack?" Josh asked, running back towards them. He'd been looping around them in circles, spinning and turning at various points. He too accepted a container, but immediately passed it back with a flatly-intoned, "Help," to Edward. As usual these days, his eyes didn't meet Edward's.

Nudging up the lid, Edward returned the container. "You're welcome. Here you go," he said softly.

Josh's answering smile was directed at the ground, as was his gaze, but Edward knew for whom it was meant.

Eye contact overwhelmed Josh. Not in the way his tantrums did, but in that they took all his mental energy to process what other people's eyes were telling him. Josh noticed everything about them, and when writers waxed poetic about eyes being the gateway to someone's soul, they wouldn't be far off from Josh's perspective. He could read a person's eyes so well, that those orbs eclipsed everything else about them—words first, then body language. Edward had come across hundreds of autistic minds in his time, and he was always interested in the differences as well as the similarities between them, but Josh was the first person he had ever been close to like this—the first one he truly cared for. The boy's bright mind and thoughts fascinated him and made him focus on how best to assist him in navigating the world.

Josh ate for a little, but with only half his attention on his food. He was mostly interested in watching Edward. "Eat?" he asked him, holding out the container. He knew he'd say no, but he liked Edward, and he liked his food, and he couldn't quite understand why they didn't go together.

"Oh, no thank you," Edward said. "I'm not hungry right now."

"You're never hungry when it's just us around," Meredith observed casually.

He heard Bella's breath hitch.

"Yes I am," Edward countered. "I'm often hungry." This was true. He was.

"But you don't eat the snacks you make us," Meredith said, a hint of suspicion in her voice. Her thought conclusions were not worrying. She was, however, wondering if Edward might sneakily eat things that she wasn't allowed to—like the sugar cubes by the tea canister.

"Maybe," Edward said, leaning over, "I want to eat you." He sniffed at her dramatically. "Then again, maybe not. You don't smell tasty enough." She giggled, but Bella looked mildly alarmed. He winked at his fiancée before leaning over towards Josh, "Now you smell delicious! Nom-nom-nom!" He buried his nose into Josh's midsection and unleashed a genuine growl, although he tempered it. This wasn't a wrestling match with Emmett or Jasper, after all. His behavior elicited a fit of giggles from the trusting children in front of him.

After a repeat performance, he declined their request for a third, giving Mer and Josh time to calm down a little and finish their snacks.

Bella lifted both eyebrows at him when the children scurried away. "Really?" she asked.

"I can be the fun parent," he said airily, keeping the smirk off his face with difficulty

"Apparently," she said, arching her head so she could whisper into his ear. "I'm not quite sure who you are and what you've done with the old Edward Cullen, but you can stay. I like you way better than that old stuffed shirt."

He had her pinned and squealing from a few well-placed tickles in seconds. This ended quickly, morphing into gentler laughter and kisses. Their lips were becoming more intimate when Meredith's excited voice pulled them pull apart.

"Mama, come see!" she called. "I think it's a glacier lily!"

"Okay," Bella replied a little reluctantly, slowly hoisting herself upright with Edward's help. She wagged a finger at him, "I'm coming back for revenge later."

"Which I await with mighty trepidation," he said in a mock-serious tone. He had a feeling the payback would be most welcome—and come later in bed.

He wasn't left long to speculate, as a little body plopped itself onto him with a sigh. "Man," Josh breathed.

"Hi Josh," Edward said, rubbing his small back. Josh slid off his chest and down to the ground, Edward's body forming a semi-circle around his little one.

Their faces were very close when Josh turned to look at him. Putting his hand on Edward's cheek, Josh furrowed his brow, and then veritably shoved his thoughts at Edward.

They were so strong, and so forceful, Edward almost flinched.

I want to be like you.

They weren't words, but they were so clear, they made Edward's heart ache.

"No," he breathed out, laying his hand over Josh's tiny one.

The tumbling kaleidoscope of images continued, documenting all the things Josh knew of Edward—his speed, his ability to hear him this way, his kindness, the tenderness he'd shown for his mother, and the way—here Edward laughed—the way he was so blissfully cold. He was never overheated. Josh loathed being too hot.

Glancing over at Meredith and Bella, Edward made sure they were fully engrossed in conversation before speaking. He knew that much of what he wanted to communicate was well beyond Josh's ability to understand, but he wanted to honour the boy's deep desire as much as he could. "Your mama wanted to be like me too, once."

Josh's eyes widened as he looked over at his mother, and then back at Edward. Edward could hear his vague wonderings as he contrasted Bella's warm skin and occasional clumsiness to Edward's coolness and grace.

"It didn't happen, but it was a good thing after all. Your mama met your daddy, and they made you and Meredith. If she was like me, I wouldn't have gotten to know you and that would be sad. I love all of you."

Josh understood the word love. It meant hugs, which were okay, and kisses, which were tolerable, and when Mama rubbed his back just right at night in bed. It meant Mama. Edward caught a flash of Matt's face before Josh's thoughts decided it meant Edward too.

Oh love, Edward thought, feeling his own chest tighten with what he felt for this boy, and his mother and his sister.

"I don't want you to be like me, Josh," Edward said, "You need to grow and change. That's what children do. They grow up and they try new things and they learn about the world."

Josh didn't grasp this concept at all, frowning. Edward tried making it much simpler.

"You won't get taller if you're like me. You won't get to ride a big-boy bike."

Ah. Yes, he understood. He wanted those things.

But he still wanted to be like Edward. He imagined himself bigger. The image was comical: Josh's tiny head on Edward's body.

Edward didn't laugh.

Josh kept focusing, trying to imagine himself older and like Edward. His mind struggled for all the visual details.

"I understand," Edward said. "You want to be like me when you're older. After more birthdays." He waited for the thought to fill him with dread, but the sentiment didn't come. Its absence made his insides churn with guilt. How could he even think of this innocent becoming like him without horror?

Josh's tiny nod was solemn. He ran through the thoughts again, pushing them in Edward's direction. Clearly frustrated and unsettled when Edward didn't respond this time, Josh reached out and replaced his hand on Edward's cheek, virtually stepping inside his head. "Man?"

Edward allowed his gaze to meet Josh's, marvelling at how the boy's profound determination to share this allowed him to maintain eye contact. He could feel, through their connection, how much it was costing him. Then Edward nearly gasped aloud as Josh showed him, with uncanny focus, the image he had obviously been struggling to pull together in his mind: that of Bella, Mer, Josh and Edward all together, all of them ghostly white, with blazing golden eyes.

"Maybe someday," Edward breathed, completely overcome. Maybe.

DISCLAIMER: S. Meyer owns Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.