Colonel

For Ed, before Roy was anything - even before the word "bastard" first passed Ed's lips in regards to Roy...before Roy was anything else, he was Colonel Roy Mustang, officer of the Amestrian State Military.

Ed's first impression of the man was exactly that, except replace "Colonel" with "Lieutenant Colonel" - yes Ed knew military ranks, thank you very much, he was not an idiot.

He'd been sitting in that damn wheelchair, Al beside him, in silence. Al had wheeled him next to a window that opened up to the rolling hills of Resembool. Al was almost as quiet as he, only occasionally breaking the silence with fatuous remarks about sheep and sunlight and a butterfly that had just fluttered past the windowpane. Ed barely heard. It was hard to focus on anything past the nauseating pain in his stumps - stumps, fuck, he was ten years old and had fucking stumps - and the churning, sickening guilt in what remained of his body.

More than anything, Ed wanted to throw up. He'd done it more in the past weeks than he knew was possible, yet the nausea never settled. He'd cried those first few nights out of sheer horror and anguish, but those tears had eventually dried. The overwhelming terror he'd felt from the Gate was receding, albeit slowly. Even the pain of his - damn, his stumps had begun to lessen. Yet the guilt never died.

He saw them when they were still more than a quarter of a mile away from the house: two blue-clad figures, tall and upright, moving quickly. The guilt inside him, the guilt that was the abomination he had made, that reached its inhuman claws to him in supplication, that guilt whispered that they had seen it. They had seen the house, the circle, the remains of the thing Ed had made. That guilt whispered that his reckoning was coming.

The anger inside him - small, barely a spark, but still living - retorted that his reckoning had already passed. Truth had already taken its toll.

He watched with dull eyes as they came closer. His too-light body felt heavier and heavier. The one in the lead, a man, held an expression of absolute fury. His steps were brisk and forceful and he walked as though he had not the slightest concern as to whether his companion could keep up. Said companion, a woman, looked tense and wary but not angry.

Ed thought she should be. He deserved it.

They knocked on the door. Al said nothing, but he turned Ed towards it.

The door opened. The man shoved past Pinako, stormed towards Ed and Al, and seized Ed by the shirt. "We went to your house. We saw the floor. What was that? What did you do?"

Ed said nothing. The man's - a lieutenant colonel, Ed realized dully as he dropped his gaze to the man's uniform - voice was loud, strident. Ed couldn't find it in himself to be afraid, though he realized he should be. There was a military officer who'd broken into his house, grabbed him, and demanded to be told the truth about Ed's attempt at human transmutation, the greatest taboo of Alchemy.

Two metal gauntlets set themselves on the lieutenant colonel's arm. Al. Doing what he always did: mediating, placating, trying to save Ed from the punishment he deserved. He'd done the same thing that night, when Ed had limped to Pinako and told her everything.

"We're sorry," Al said softly. Ed closed his eyes and imagined Al's warm hands against the lieutenant colonel's sleeve, his gold eyes tearing up. Then he opened them and saw cold, grey, empty metal. "We didn't mean it."

The man's grip on Ed loosened. Al kept going, spewing the same apologies he'd been murmuring for days now. Ed had heard the words so often they were meaningless now.

"Wait..." the man said softly, leaning forward to examine Al more closely. "Are you...?"

Pinako came in before the man could continue, but Al had already turned away, head low in shame. The sight was almost enough to puncture the suffocating despondency that had rendered Ed silent ever since that night.

"Get your hands off my boys!" she snapped. "The nerve of you military people! You break into my house without a warrant, manhandle a child, and scream in his face? You should be ashamed!"

The woman had come forward with Pinako and was now hovering in the back. Her posture was rigid, her eyes flicking between everyone in the room guardedly. Winry had appeared now and stood just in Ed's view. She and Ed had a brief second of eye contact before she looked away, lips pinched and fearful.

The lieutenant colonel released Ed more gently than how he'd picked him up and turned to Pinako. "The house we were told was the Elrics' house had a transmutation circle covered in blood. That gave us cause to suspect criminal proceedings. We can take both of them in for questioning, or you can tell us here, now. Which will it be?"

Al stepped forward before Pinako could respond. "Lieutenant Colonel, sir, we'll tell you. Just please...please, please don't blame my brother."

"I..." the man actually seemed taken aback. "Edward Elric? Or Alphonse?"

"Alphonse, sir."

"Right. Alphonse, then. I'll hear your story, then I'll decide who, if anyone, should be blamed for this." The man's gaze locked onto Ed's. He felt the weight of it and swallowed. "I'm Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang. I think this is a conversation that should be had sitting down."

Pinako nodded heavily and turned to lead them to the table. Ed saw the woman lead Winry away from the room, probably to give them privacy. Good. Winry didn't need to hear this.

"Right this way."

Mustang sat first with all the stiff decorum of an officer. Pinako sat across from him, leaving Ed with no choice but to let himself be wheeled in between them. Al didn't sit - they hadn't found a chair big enough for him yet, and Al insisted he didn't get tired anymore.

Perhaps others would've found that a blessing, but Ed knew it was yet another curse he'd heaped onto his brother. Maybe Al couldn't get tired, but he also couldn't rest. Maybe Al couldn't get hungry, but he also couldn't eat. Maybe Al couldn't get hot, or cold, or thirsty, or sick, but neither could he be warm and content and well.

Ed had taken some of the bad from his brother, but he'd also taken every drop of good.

"So," Mustang said. "Start from the beginning. Why did you draw that circle? What was it supposed to do? Why is there...blood on it? And why is Alphonse an empty suit of armor?"

Al gasped. Ed felt nothing. He should've expected the man to guess. He was an officer in the military, after all.

"Brother?"

Ed didn't respond.

Apparently realizing he wouldn't get Ed to break his silence today, Al gave a sound like a sigh - not an actual sigh, not ever the real thing, not anymore - and began the tale. About their mother's death, about how Ed had raised him, about how they'd learned alchemy for one goal. To bring their mother back.

As soon as the words left Al, Lieutenant Colonel Mustang stiffened. Ed looked up from the table and felt a sense of grim satisfaction. There was the horror he'd been expecting. Now the condemnation was sure to follow. Ed welcomed it. He deserved it.

"That circle...I had my suspicions, but now...it was a human transmutation circle, wasn't it? You actually tried to bring her back."

There was such an utter silence.

"Yes," Al finally said, defeated. Guilty. All emotions that belonged to Ed, not Al. It wasn't Al's fault he was like that. It was Ed's. "We thought...we thought we'd gotten it right. We didn't know - we didn't realize what...what we were doing. We knew it was forbidden but we didn't know why. We didn't know it was- that we were-"

Al's trembling voice faded into that heavy, oppressive silence.

"What happened?" Mustang finally asked.

Ed looked up. Mustang's eyes were on Al, not Ed, but they weren't condemning. Ed wasn't sure what they were.

He felt...disappointed. The guilt inside him demanded punishment.

"I-I'm not sure," Al said. "We activated the circle together. It wasn't long until we realized something was wrong. There was- something awful looking back at us. I remember screaming, and then...nothing. That's when I lost my body."

"The toll," Mustang said contemplatively. "Human transmutation always exacts a toll, and for you it was your entire body. For Ed, it was his arm and his leg?"

"...No," Al said. "Just the leg."

Ed wondered if Al ever thought about how unfair it was that he'd lost his entire body to the transmutation, and Ed only one limb. He wondered how much Al hated him for it.

"Just the leg? Then...?"

There was metallic clinking from behind Ed. He knew it must be Al taking off his head - no, the helmet of the armor he's bonded to. Mustang gaped, clearly seeing the blood rune.

"Brother sacrificed his arm to bind my soul to this armor," Al said. Again Ed heard guilt. He hated it. "I can't feel or taste or smell...but my soul is still here. And it's all because of him. So please don't blame him for this. He didn't - we didn't know, and Brother's suffered horribly for it."

Me? Ed thought, the spark of anger inside of him glowing. I've suffered? What about you, Al? You don't even have a body and it's all my fault! Look at that lieutenant colonel, Al, look at him! He knows the truth, too! He knows whose fault it really is!

But Mustang's face was expressionless. He released a breath, the only sign of tension he'd given, and said, "This is a surprise, to say the least. I'd heard reports that there was a brilliant alchemist living in this town, so I came to check them out. The last thing I expected to find was a boy skilled enough to attempt human transmutation-"

Ha! See, Al, he knows I'm the one who should be blamed, I'm the one who did it!

"-or advanced enough to bond a soul to a suit of armor. I'd say he's more than qualified to become a State Alchemist."

Ed's breath paused.

Was Mustang...offering...?

"Should he choose to accept the position," Mustang continued, glancing at Pinako, "he'll be required to serve the military in times of national emergency. In return, he'll receive privileges and access to otherwise restricted research materials. Given time, they may be able to find a way to get their bodies back, or even more."

Everything - his guilt, the agony in his body, the suffocating numbness he was enshrouded in - vanished. He looked up and found Mustang staring at him. For the first time, Ed met his gaze.

Pinako was talking. Ed didn't listen. He knew what it was: the overbearing hag trying to protect him, railing against alchemy like she had been for weeks now. He only looked at Mustang, and the man only looked back. When Pinako finished, his eyes were still squarely on Ed's.

They still held no trace of condemnation.

"I'm not forcing you," Mustang said. "I'm merely offering you the possibility. Will you sit in that chair, wallowing in self-pity, or will you stand up and seize the chance the military can give you? If you believe the possibility exists for getting your bodies back, you should seek it out, keep moving, whatever it takes. Even if the way ahead lies through a river of mud."

The spark inside Ed flickered. Then it burst into flame.

Mustang looked at him for a second more and nodded. A strange understanding passed between the two of them. The man stood then, and turned.

And left.

Ed watched him go, felt that feeble spark inside him grow brighter and brighter every second.

He didn't know why the condemnation he'd expected from Mustang wasn't there. He didn't know why Mustang had given him a chance. But he had. And Ed vowed he would not squander it.

As the door clicked shut, Ed looked at Al. "I'm going to get your body back, Al. I promise."

It took one year before Ed began to fulfill that promise.

It also took one year before Ed spoke his first words to Mustang.

He had gone through the agony of automail surgery and the endless months of rehabilitation all for this. For this moment as he strode into Eastern Command to take the State Alchemy Exam. His shoulder and leg ports ached, but for once he barely felt it. Once he passed the test he could finally make good on his promise to get Al's body back. Nothing else mattered.

Ed strode down the corridor with single-minded purpose, heedless of the soldiers' gawking. This was the one day he would not let himself be distracted. He didn't care if they stared. He didn't even care if they called him short! For once, Ed would not let himself be distracted.

"Oh, is that you, Elric? I almost didn't see you down there."

...Never mind.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MITE OF DUST SO SMALL YOU WOULDN'T EVEN CLEAN YOUR HOUSE OF IT?"

Ed spun around to see-

Oh. He was so used to trading insults with Pinako that the sight of a different, not-quite-familiar face was off-putting. It was the man who'd first given him the offer to become a State Alchemist. Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang.

Ed took a cursory glance at the man's uniform and edited the thought. Colonel Roy Mustang. Damn, the man had been busy in the past year.

"Ah, Colonel," Ed said with as much ease and familiarity as if he were talking to a childhood friend. "Bet you thought you'd seen the last of me, didn't you?"

The colonel gave a smug smirk. "I knew you'd come. It was only a matter of time. I admit, it definitely took a...shorter amount of time than I was expecting, though."

Ed's eye twitched.

"I'm assuming you know where the exam will be held?" Mustang questioned.

Ed grinned. "Damn right I do."

Mustang didn't even raise an eyebrow at Ed's language. That automatically earned him points. Maybe, despite the short jokes, this Colonel guy wasn't half bad. Ed was sick of adults telling him he shouldn't use "adult language" because he was a child. He bet they wouldn't say that if he were taller!

Instead, the man returned Ed's grin with a smile of his own. "Good. I'll be watching. Don't make me regret giving you this chance."

"Regret?" Ed scoffed. "You'll be thanking me for taking you up on it by the end of today!"

"Is that so? Well, assuming I can even find you-"

"I'M NOT SO SHORT I'M COMPLETELY SWALLOWED UP BY A CROWD AND CAN'T EVEN BE FOUND BEFORE I'M TRAMPLED TO DEATH!"

Mustang just chuckled and walked away. "I'll see you there, Elric."

Ed took back everything he'd said about how nice the guy was. Colonel Roy Mustang was an absolute bastard.