The Following is a Fan-Based parody of a Fan-Based parody

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Play: Party Party Party (Fauxchestral)

ALUCARD: Let me see if I get the grand scheme here, Benjamin Button. The Jerrys thought that if I purged all my souls, I wouldn't have my and at least *one* of you could kill me. So, when the "very fine people" of the Nazi military, those KKK-lookin' sons of bitches, and Alaexander MOTHERFUCKING Anderson couldn't do the job, you thought you… …YOU were the guy. But quick question, Jolly-Wally; How many people lived in London? Or rather… died? Let's take a census! LET ME GET SOME SIP!

THE MAJOR: "Ah, willkommen!", said the spider to the fly. Although I'd say you're more of a hornet— [gunshots][Major giggles] And unlike its modest brother, zhe bee, zhe hornet does not die after it has stu— [more gunshots] It guards its nest with the ferocity and the tenacity of a— [even more gunshots] —OF A MOTHER WHO IS PROTECTING HER CHILD! [sword breaks]

THE MAJOR: Okay, if zhe bullets veren't going to work, zhen vhy vould the sword?

INTEGRA: YOU COWARD!

THE MAJOR: Ah, ve all have our shields. Some of us have tempered glass, others have the King of Vampires… Speaking of whom…

*Turns on the tv monitors behind her showing an insane loli Alucard*

INTEGRA: Huh? [Alucard cackling maniacally]

INTEGRA: Oh, Jesus… [Alucard cackling maniacally]

THE MAJOR: Someone's on a binge after purging, [Alucard cackling maniacally] and it seems like our dear Alucard is looking to get vhite-girl-vasted. Let's hope that nobody spiked his drink, ja

SCHRODINGER: (Laughing manically / gurgling) EEEEugh...! [Splash]

ALUCARD: Look at me, Walter! I'm sucking everyone but you! So in celebration of your wasted attempts, I'm going to give you the little death you deserve. And before you ask… YES! This IS a JoJo reference!

WALTER: I gave up everything to kill you! So just lie back… AND THINK OF HELL!

FEM/ ALUCARD: Ah, 'yameru', Walter! You're splitting me in two! [Ah, stop it, Walter!]

ALUCARD: Now do it another three million times, why doncha?!

THE MAJOR: Ah, poor Walter... Each second ticks his life down, all to grasp a victory zhat never belonged to him. A piece of our puzzle… three million, seven hundred and eight thousand, nine hundred and seventeen pieces large. and now… it falls to The Millenium… …to finish it.

INTEGRA: What's going on!?

THE MAJOR: Ah-hoh-hoh, Fräulein, have you ever heard of Schrödinger's cat?

INTEGRA: I SHOT Schrödinger's cat!

THE MAJOR: Indeed! And yet it lives! And yet it dies. It is here, yet it is not. It is a curious creation, von of infinite possibilities, as long as it remains unobserved. Yet, to consume a zhing is to know a thing. Alucard is now partaking of Varrant Officer Schrödinger's paradoxical existence, and as our dear cat-boy stares into the abyss zhat is within Alucard… …That abyss. Stares. Back, the wave function collapses… uncertainty becomes certainty… the proverbial coin flips… and.…

ALUCARD: 'Am I a bad person

*POP, Alucard disappears*

30 years Later

Issei Hyoudou was your average 17 year old boy, he has brown hair and brown eyes. Issei is an open pervert who frequently boasted about being the harem king. His average day starts with his alarm clock taking the form of various harem girls telling him to wake up, eats breakfast with his family that tell him he is a slacker, and then goes to school to only look at the female population. Kuoh academy only recently let male students in it's female only campus, so the ratio of student gender population was in favor of the girls.

This was the only reason that Issei and his two friends, Matsuda and Motohama came to what was suppose to be a prestigious academy. This day was going to be a different one however, because today is the day that a girl named Yuma Amano asks him out.

Yuma had long black hair and kind, violet eyes. She wore a uniform to another no name school and just came up to him and asked him out on a date for Saturday. When Saturday came around Issei acted like a perfect gentleman, and the date seemed to go so well that they decided to cut through a romantic water fountain around sunset to finish up their little date.

Everything was going good until Yuma started to act strangely and ask if she could ask him something out of the blue. When he answered yes, he thought he would be asked for something perverted, but instead when she leaned into his ear she said, "would you die for me?"

Issei thought that he heard her wrong so he tried to clean gunk out of his ear and asked, "I'm sorry what was that?"

Yuma lost all of the kindness that was in her eyes and asked in a more woman like and lusty voice, "would you die for me?" Suddenly she grew taller and her outfit disappeared and for a brief moment, he could see the boobs that he wanted so much. When she finally had clothes on again, she wore the bare minimum with black being her only color of choice.

Before Issei could react, Yuma had forged a spear made of red light and plunged it into his stomach. As he was about to touch it, it disappeared and allowed blood to spray out of his stomach. As he was lying there waiting to die, Yuma was saying something about a sacred gear, and told him to blame God for it. She disappeared in the sky leaving only black feathers in her wake.

Just as he was about to die, when a red magic circle appeared and out stepped a figure with red hair and green eyes. The figure stepped out and Issei could see that it was a female, but that was all he could see as he died after he finally noticed this. If he lived for a few more seconds, he would have seen Rias Gremory come over to him and say, "Fear not, I shall give you a new life. A life that is filled with adventure and immortality, the life of a devil."

Rias took out all of her remaining pieces and tried each one: the knight did nothing, as did her rook and bishop. When she came to her pawns she gathered them all up and found that only one of them were glowing, signifying that that piece is the only piece for him. The pawns piece sunk into his chest and what happened next was unbelievable, even for her. Issei Hyoudou's body started to rise and glow his hair became black and longer, flowing to the left side of his head and somehow defied gravity. His eyes shot open in shock and she could see his brown eyes turning blood red with cat-like slit pupils . His body became more defined and she could already see muscles form on his arms.

Rias didn't know it but when Issei finished his transformation, he was no longer Issei the same idiotic pervert who dreamed of being a harem king. He was the Crimson Fucker Alucard, the Vampire king and the Fuck Mothering Vampire. When she saw his transformation complete, she had only one thought, "What in the hell have I done?"