Postcards
DG32173

Sarah: had the idea for a short Delena fanfic after thinking about a story I had read a while back. Don't worry, my lovelies, the only thing that is similar to that fanfic is that Elena goes on a trip and sends Damon postcards. Other than that, this story is my own.

CREDIT
Credit goes to crzykittyfangirl for her help in making my stories the best they can be. Thanks so much for your help.

DISCLAIMER
I only own this story as it is written. Anything you recognize unless claimed in another story belongs to someone else. If I own a concept as it is portrayed, I will claim it before the chapter it appears in. If I'm inspired by a reviewer or my beta to create a scene or concept, I will put a credit section like the above and give credit to the person who inspired it before the chapter it appears in.

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE! PLEASE READ!
This is an alternate universe of Season 3. No, Stefan never got a chance to steal the coffins because he was captured and detoxed back onto the animal diet just after Klaus released him. No, there was no Esther and no evil Alaric. At some point during Stefan's detox, Caroline got the brilliant realization that she can use Klaus' infatuation with her to get him to leave Elena alone and made some pretty pointed threats to his face that had him backing off. No, Elena never died and became a vampire. This story starts the summer after high school graduation and just after Elena's 19th birthday.

WARNINGS
Other than the alternate universe warnings above, rated T just in case. Rating may go up for later chapters, but as of right now, I do not plan on having anything more than some mild cursing take place. Those who are fans of my typical hot smut scenes, go look at another story of mine because I don't think they will make an appearance here. Alternating viewpoints, though the story will primarily be told from Damon or Elena's viewpoint. The first chapter starts with Elena.

SUMMARY
When Elena gets fed up with how everyone is shoving their opinions on who she should be with down her throat, she takes matters into her own hands and leaves Mystic Falls with only a note to each Damon and Stefan. She needs to find herself and her heart again and the only way to do that is to be away from all who would try to influence her decisions. With only weekly postcards to Damon to let anyone back home know she's still alive, she decides to travel the world to find herself. Will she return and, if so, who will her heart have chosen in her absence? Damon/Elena

Chapter 1
The Decision

I sigh as I finish writing my notes to Damon and Stefan. Even after Caroline managed to get Klaus to give up using me as a hybrid blood bank, even after we had captured and detoxed Stefan back onto the animal diet, I'm still miserable.

That's because my heart and my head are at war over the right Salvatore for me. It's impossible to make the choice I know I need to make with everyone shoving their idea of who I should be with down my throat. And my friends and family are split on who I should end up with and why. So no matter who I choose, there will be people unhappy with my choice.

That's part of how I came up with this plan. I'm going on a road trip alone and not coming back until I've made up my mind on which brother I can't live without. That's one reason for the road trip. Once both reasons for it are fulfilled, I will come back and tell everyone my choice and why I made that choice.

I don't know how long I'll be gone and I definitely don't know where I'll go. But I'm leaving a note for each brother to tell them why I left.

It was actually thanks to Jeremy that I came up with this plan. His words to me this morning were like rocks thrown into the still pool of my soul: "Elena, you need to stop trying to make everyone happy. It's only tearing you apart and making you miserable. What makes you happy? Do you even know anymore?"

I realized with a jolt of ice cold terror that I have no idea what makes me happy I had at some point along the way lost touch with myself. I know that if I stay here with everyone shoving their opinions on me, I'll never figure it out.

So now I have to get out before anyone can stop me. I have to get out an discover who I really am and what makes me happy. Then I will finally have the answer to the choice I must make, I know it.

But it's agonizing writing just these letters to the two men I love, knowing neither of them will ever understand why I couldn't say the words to their faces. Finally, after many iterations, I come up with two letters I am satisfied with. I will probably never be fully happy with letters of goodbye, but I don't cringe when rereading them.

I tuck the letters into the envelopes already labeled with the recipients name and seal both of them with a kiss. I carry the envelopes to Jeremy's room and find my brother sitting on his bed, listening to his IPod.

As soon as he sees me, he yanks out his earbuds. "All finished?" he asks.

I nod and hold up the envelopes. "Will you make sure the right letter goes to the right brother after I've had a chance to get far from Mystic Falls?" I ask.

He comes over and takes the envelopes. "Sure," he replies. Then he surprises me with a hug. "I'll miss you, Lena," he says.

I return his hug. "I'll miss you, too, Jer. But I have to find myself and the only way to do that is away from everyone," I say softly. "I've lost myself somewhere along the way and I need to find myself again."

"Then go before anyone shows up to stop you," he says, pulling away to gently shove me towards the stairs.

"Thanks for understanding, Jer," I say as I head downstairs. My car is already packed with the few items I will take with me. All that's left is to get in and drive away from everything important to me to discover the most important thing of all that I've lost.

"I just want my sister back to who she really is," he calls after me. "She's been missing for too long."

It isn't long before I'm on the highway heading north. First stop, Richmond airport. In my note to Damon, I told him where my car will be and asked him to pick it up for me so long-term parking doesn't cost too much.

Four hours later

Damon

I reread the letter Elena had left for me with her brother a second time, certain I had misread it.

Dear Damon,

I know this letter will come as a shock to you. But I need this. I need to get away from everyone so I can rediscover myself. Somewhere over the past two years, I seem to have lost the girl I truly am.

I used to be a very different person than I've portrayed since meeting you and Stefan. As I once said, I used to be more fun. Truth is, I used to be a real wild child, staying out until all hours on a school night while still keeping a 4.0 GPA. I used to get drunk on a regular basis, which is how my tolerance is so high. I even experimented with drugs and cigarettes.

Some of that was the crowd I hung out with. Some of that was who I truly was. But ever since the crash that killed my parents, I've changed into someone I don't recognize. It was only when Jeremy asked me this morning what makes me happy that I realized I had changed into someone I don't like. I couldn't answer that question immediately. I still can't answer it, even though I've been thinking about it for hours as I try to write these letters to you and Stefan.

There was a time I could have an entire list of things that made me happy without thinking about it. To realize that's no longer true is a very unwelcome surprise. So I have to leave everyone, even you, behind as I try to rediscover who I am. In that process, there is something else I must do. I must make a choice. You know what choice I'm talking about. I refuse to be like Katherine, allowing my heart to waver between the Salvatore brothers without making a choice of who I love more.

To not be like Katherine, I have to figure out who I'm in love with and who I only love as a very dear friend. I can't keep up this tight wire act of allowing you both to have hope of winning my heart completely. That's not fair to any of us. My heart is only capable of being in love with one person. I can love many people as family and friends, but I can only feel the forever-after kind of love for one person. I need to figure out who that is.

And both you and Stefan will have to accept who my heart chooses. No more fighting over me when I make my choice. No more feuding to be the 'better' brother. You both have your strengths and your weaknesses. Neither of you is 'better' than the other and you need to stop thinking that way. You are both too different to ever compare. And only one of you has won my heart with who he is as an individual, not because he's the 'better' brother.

I will not come back until I've sorted out my heart and my head. When I come back, I'll have made my final choice. There will be no changing my mind. There will be no outside influences on my decision. It will be my choice made while away from all outside forces that might have swayed me one way or another.

I love you both with equal measure, but in very different ways. I need to figure out who I love as a very dear friend and who I love as a woman loves a man.

This letter up to this paragraph is the same for each of you. What follows will be a personal message to each of you abut why I didn't say goodbye to you personally.

Damon, I know road trips are usually our 'thing'. But this one trip I have to take alone. If you were with me, your mere presence would be influencing me to choose you. I can't allow that because then I would always wonder if I might have made a different choice alone. And in the back of your mind, you'll wonder the same thing.

I think I've loved you since Georgia. But right now I don't know what kind of love this is. Is It the forever-after love where I can't live without you? Or are you merely my closest and dearest friend? I just don't know. And I won't know until I'm alone with just myself and my heart to make the choice.

There is so much I have to think about on this trip so many decisions I have to make on my own. Even with this explanation, I know you'll try to track me down so you can protect me from the big bad world. That's why I'm not going to leave any clues, though I plan on sending you postcards of where I've been as I'm leaving.

Also, by the time you've read this letter, I'll have left my car at the Richmond airport in the long-term parking lot. Will you please pick it up for me so the fees aren't too extravagant? Thanks beforehand.

Love, Elena

I close my eyes. I didn't misread. Elena left. Sure, she had good reasons, but how can she protect herself from what's out there? I decide to honor her request and pick up her car from the airport. No telling how long she'll be gone or how long before I can manage to figure out where she is.

Stefan

I reread the part of the letter directed just at me for the third time, my heart sinking. Maybe a third reading will help me understand better what she's trying to say.

Stefan, I had to leave. I had to get away from your control and everyone shoving their opinions down my throat. Ever since we detoxed you, you have barely allowed me quality time with anyone else. I can't handle that, now or ever.

You can't make every decision for me. In fact, you can't make any decision for me. I have to make my own decisions. That's why I'm wearing vervain, right? So my decisions are my own, right? You haven't been allowing that since we detoxed you this last time.

That's one reason I fled the way I did. I need to make my own decisions. I need to make my own choices. I can't have them made for me or I might as well be compelled to comply. You've been forcing your decisions down my throat since we detoxed you. I feel like I'm one step up from being a compelled slave to you. The only difference is that I can resent the demands placed upon me and a compelled slave can't.

Even if I do choose you in the end, I will not be a doormat for you anymore. I will make my own choices, even if you don't like them. But right now I don't know who my heart will pick. It could be you. It could be Damon. I just don't know who I love as a dear friend and who I love in the forever-after kind of way. And until I know, I have to separate myself from everyone who will try to have a say in my choice. Because the choice I must make will affect the rest of my life, I have to be the only one with any say in it.

You've been pressuring me to choose you since we got together on the first day of eleventh grade. Even nearly two years later, you still try to pressure me to choose you. That's why I need to get away. So that no one but my heart can put pressure on my choice.

If I don't end up choosing you, I don't want any sulking or trying to say anyone influenced me. That's why I'm leaving everyone behind; so that no one can say I was influenced or 'put up to it' by anyone by myself, as you so frequently have in the past.

Please, Stefan, I'm begging you to give the same consideration I'll be giving to my choice to your behavior. Do you really love me, good, bad, and ugly? Or are you in love with an image you have of me in your head? An image no one can live up to?

The girl you have known the last two years is not me. I do not know or even recognize the person I have allowed myself to become. If that is who you love, then realize you are in love with someone who doesn't truly exist.

When I come back, I will once again be the person I should have always been. Can you handle learning to love a whole 'new' Elena Gilbert? I will give you the space and time to figure that out. You will not hear from me again until my return.

This should give you the time and space you need to figure out if you love me enough to accept what you think you know of me is not who I really am and learn to love the real me. Because no matter what my heart chooses, if the man I choose can't accept that he had fallen in love with a lie and learn to love the real me, then there will be no point in giving in to my heart. Because I refuse to be with someone who would rather love a lie than the true me.

Love, Elena

Sarah: this was much longer written down on paper. As I said at the beginning of this story, this will be a rather short fanfic. Or at least it's intended to be short. Whether it actually will be or not remains to be seen. Please review and tell me what you think.