Xiaolin Grail War

By: Bubbajack

Beta/Co-Author: IcySnowSage

Disclaimer: We don't own Xiaolin Showdown, Jackie Chan Adventures, or Kim Possible. They all belong to Disney at this point (I think), with Fate/Stay Night being owned by Type-Moon.

Ch.3: Dunces and Dunes

"Thanks again for the ride Mr. Cooper," Kim said as she put on her parachute.

The man in the cockpit flying the private jet gave her a thumbs up. "Well, I figured I owed you one after you stopped those hijackers from taking my planes eh?"

"Oh, it was no big," Kim downplayed the event as she always did. Turning around when Omi came out of the bathroom wearing form fitting mission gear. 'He's quite cut,' Kim noted as the black shirt hugged the monk's torso so closely it outlined his muscular torso. Noting he looked a bit nervous, Kim put a hand on his shoulder asking softly, "Everything okay Omi?"

"I admit, I have never been on, or jumped out of a plane… or needed to use a parachute," The monk admitted.

Kim nodded, she figured that was the case. "You don't need to worry about that Omi. I can just attach you to my harness." Kim was kind enough to simply attach him to her parachute so he didn't have to worry about any of that. Omi shouted in joy as he and the copper red heroine free fell from such a great height the wind whipping by his face and whistling in his ears. The air may be Raimundo's element, but Omi had to admit he was enjoying himself immensely at the moment. Then there was a slight jerk from behind and then their descent slowed as the parachute broke their fall. They landed on the side of Squaw's Tit Mountain where Dr. Drakken's latest lair was located, carved into the very mountainside. Kim landed and quickly unhooked the young monk.

Omi looked around while the chill of the snow blasted wind made him shiver, but only a bit, water was his element after all thus the cold didn't bother him anyways. "Where is Ronald, Kimberly?"

Kim pointed up and couldn't help from sighing, "Up there."

Omi followed her pointing finger and blink. "Ronald… how did your pants fall down?"

For Ron's pants had fallen down mid-jump revealing he wore purple and green polka dotted boxers. "Just, just don't ask Bromi. This happens all the dang time on missions."

Omi nodded. "Might I suggest investing in a sturdy leather belt my friend?"

Ron pulled up his pants as he landed. "Wait where's Mizukume?" The pink haired-girl landed right next to Ron never bothering to even put on a parachute.

Kim blinked, mouth agape, "Omi isn't the only one with super powers is he Mizukume?"

The older girl just smiled at Kim sweetly, "Not telling, Mikon."

Kim laughed a little, "Fine, you keep your secrets." The group turned towards the cave they landed in front of and a couple of feet into the mountainside was a thick circular metal door. The entrance to Drakken's latest lair.

"Is it bad that I want you to say, Avengers Assemble KP?" Ron joked trying to get rid of his nerves.

Kim rolled her eyes, "Please, Steve Rodgers I am so not. You're the blonde of the group Ron, if anyone should be saying that it's you."

"True," Ron agreed, before he gave Kim a sideways glance, "You could pull off a nice Black Widow Kim. If anyone could pull off that leather outfit, it would be you."

"Ron!" Kim said slapping him on the arm. "We should be focusing on finding a way inside don't you think?"

Ron walked over and kicked a vent. It fell over. "Way ahead of ya KP."

"Umm, why don't we just go through the front door?" Omi inquired.

Ron blinked. "Well, because we don't have two tons of explosives Bromi."

Omi walked up to the circular door, the dots on his brow glowing ominously. "You do not need explosives Ronald. The point of Yang-style Taichiquan is force without effort," Omi said as water collected around his head, the massive blob growing by the second as well as moving back and forth as the young monk swayed his arms back and forth.

"KP," Ron asked, as they watched the massive amount of water gain weight and momentum, "What's Bromi doing?"

"I can't be sure Ron, but believe he's creating a water pressure cutter, and he's going to use it to slice a hole clean through the door," Kim replied.

Mizukume decided to add her own two cents, "My Erzi is very powerful and talented along with being well mannered. I feel so proud of him."

With one last sway of his arms, Omi flung the many gallons of water directly at a single point at the door, it struck a singular point at first only for the water and pressure made an opening that appeared to widen as more, and more water ripped the metal apart like an M80 stuck inside a tin can.

He turned and smiled at the stunned Kim and Ron. "There, we may proceed through the entrance now."

"KP?" Ron said as they walked through the metal rent entranced and past several waterlogged and groaning Henchco henchmen.

"Yeah Ron?" Kim asked as she stepped around a few groaning goons giving one a swift kick to the head when he tried to push himself to his knees.

"Bromi is pretty dangerous isn't he? Plus, he doesn't even seem to realize it."

Kim nodded. "Yes, he is, and no, he doesn't."

Ron, hands in his pockets as he walked, commented, "Still, I think we should bring him on missions more often KP, he makes it a lot easier and safer too."

"Ron!" Kim chastised, "Omi shouldn't come with us just because it's convenient for us!"

"I really wouldn't mind," Omi said, as he looked around making the two heroes jump a bit, they didn't know how keen his hearing was.

"Um Bromi, how much did you hear?" Ron called.

Everything," Omi replied, "I did not realize my Taichiquan could be dangerous. I was just trying to be helpful," The little monk said as he kicked in the door to what turned out to be a break room. It was empty. Mizukume was gushing in the background about how strong and skilled her Erzi was.

"And you have been Omi," Kim assured the little monk. "Very helpful, it's just you cut through five inches of titanium back there and it's as awe inspiring as it is terrifying for someone to be able to do that."

Omi snorted, "That was nothing."

Ron and Kim blinked and looked at each other before Ron asked, "Whaddaya mean Bromi?"

"There are times… in particular when I meditate, that I feel as if I'm just touching the surface of some immense power. It's like I'm skirting over the top of a half frozen lake, and a reservoir of strength lays untapped just below the surface. Yet whenever I try to touch it, just like trying to cup water in one's palms, it eludes me," Omi said in clear frustration.

"There, there, Erzi, the Great Wall of China was not built in a day. You will understand whatever it is that evades you, in time," Mizukume told him, her hands clapping him on the shoulders encouragingly and pulling him into a hug.

"You know," A slightly sinister voice drawled, "You don't usually come in through the front door Kimmie… or flood the place. What's with the new MO?"

Kim turned around to find Shego standing in the breakroom doorway smirking. Her green and black domino outfit standing out sharply against the basic breakroom white plastics and hard countertops.

Seeing the two extra's the villainess blinked, "What's with the kid Kimmie? Did you get a call in the middle of a babysitting job or something?"

"No Shego, Omi's the one who put a hole in the door," Kim replied while taking up a combat stance.

Shego searched the cheerleaders face for any form of lie, finding none she fixed her gaze on the little monk who was smiling and waving at her sheepishly. "Hello pretty lady, my name is Omi what's yours?"

Shego quirked an eyebrow, 'Pretty?' "Shego kiddo, and did you really put a hole in the door?"

Omi nodded. "Indeed, it was a simple application of water pressure."

"That right?" Again Shego sensed and saw no deception coming from the kid, but it could just be because he was an innocent kid not even capable of realizing she was the bad guy.

"Correct." Omi replied, "Would you like a demonstration?" The small boy asked seemingly innocently but the slight smirk on his face said otherwise.

Shego lit her hands with plasma on instinct. "Don't play games with me kiddo, you might get burned."

"Omi…" Kim said warningly.

Omi just continued to smile as the faucet in the breakroom turned on all by itself. "I think you need to… chill out."

Without warning the boy flung the water at her with his chi while freezing it the moment it came into contact with her face, blinding her for a moment. He also ripped all the cans and water bottles out of the nearby machine, causing them to burst and form a multicolored torrent of liquid, consisting of soda, water, and coffee that was twice Omi's size. The young monk proceeded to throw icicles at Shego and she threw herself around the corner as the shards of ice impaled themselves into the wood and plaster of the wall.

"Okay, you've got skills kiddo, you're special like me. This is gonna be fun!" Shego called to him, a grin in her tone.

"It would be my honor to school you Miss Shego," Omi said, giving her a little bow even though she couldn't see it.

"We'll see who schools who, you cocky little brat!" Shego called out as she chucked a ball of plasma behind the door only for a whip of water to meet it halfway, causing it to fizzle out.

"Hmm, I do believe this is what is called a Texas Standoff, yes?"

"Mexican actually, and yes!" Shego called back.

"He was off by one state, cut him some slack!" Ron called out.

"I'd rather cut him in half Ron!" The villainess called back

"You know my name?" Ron said, baffled.

Shego rolled her eyes. "Duh, it's not that hard."

To which the blonde rebutted, "Then why can't Drakken remember it?!"

"Beat's me, you'd need to ask Dr. D that."

"SHEGO!"

'Speak of the devil and he appears,' The villainess thought.

The blue mad scientist stomped down the hall in a huff "Why is this place soaked? We're on top of a mountain! I did not pay for flood insurance for that very reason! I swear if Larry has backed up the toilet again, he is getting a one star review and Hench and I are going to be having words about the men he employs!"

Shego shuddered as she remembered the time Larry caused a toilet to flood after eating too many Naco's… the stench was the stuff of nightmares. She had to replace her entire wardrobe and couldn't eat at Bueno Nacho for a while after that. "No Dr. D, Possible has some extra tagalongs this time and one of em is like me."

"What?" Drakken shook his head. "What're you talking about Shego?" The blue scarfaced scientist looked into the breakroom… The moment he laid eyes on Omi and in particular the pink-hair woman behind him his demeanor abruptly changed. His usually exuberant maniacal smile slid off of his face, his face became cold and emotionless. He stopped hunching ever so slightly and stood up entirely straight, and placed his small hands behind his back, clasping them together and he spoke in a clipped, detached, cold tone. "Ah, I see. Shego, we need to leave, now."

Shego blinked. It's like someone just flipped a switch and triggered something in her eccentric boss to suddenly pull a one-eighty personality-wise. "Dr… Dr.D?"

"We need to leave now Shego!" Drakken barely raised his voice, but the command was there, sharp and clear. "Collect the men from HenchCo and go get the hovercraft ready, I'll activate the self-destruct."

"Wait, what… What's going on?" Shego asked, she'd never in all the time she'd worked for him seen Drakken act this cold or collected before.

Drakken glanced at her and his gaze chilled her to the bone. It was almost like he was looking through her like she was little more than an animal, something to be put on a slab and dissected, like she was a frog in a school science lab. "I don't have time to explain, not here, not now, just go and do as you're told. I'll explain everything later. You deserve that much for such loyal service to me."

Shego nodded. "I'll be holding you to that Dr. D," Shego said as she walked off.

Kim too was freaked out by the sudden change in Drakken demeanor. "Drakken?"

"You're playing with forces you can't even begin to understand Kimberly, Ronald. I would highly suggest you leave, quickly, and forget all about that boy, and the girl with him," Drakken suggested in a haughty tone.

"You… know my name?" Ron said, shocked.

This got a chuckle out of the blue doctor. "Of course I do, Ronald, I just call you Buffoon because I know it annoys you."

"Dude, harsh!" Ron said.

Reaching into the folds of his scientist scrubs Drakken came out holding a detonator. "Kimberly I'll only warn you once as you are Anne's daughter, forget all about this. This is not something you should be involved in. This is not something a teenage girl who knows some kung-fu can solve. If certain groups find you are involved, they won't stop until you and anyone related to you are silenced… permanently."

"What… what do you know that we don't Drakken?" Kim asked.

"Plenty," the man said. As he moved to press the button a feminine hand landed on his wrist and almost crushed it with minimal effort. Drakken stared into the golden eyes of the Servant for that is what she was, as she held his wrist in her grip, she glared at him something fierce.

"Stop!" She demanded.

"Even if you rip off my wrist Servant, a final muscle spasm would still end up with my thumb pressing the button," Drakken warned swiftly.

Caster narrowed her eyes and bit back a curse. "You are correct. This one proposes a trade then."

Drakken blinked. "A trade? What do you have in mind?"

Drakken watched in fascination as the servant reached up and plucked out a few strands of pink locks from her head. "Power for the guarantee of safe passage? What say you Magus?"

Drakken mulled it over. He knew that hair was a powerful bargaining chip in the world of magi as it stockpiled power. For a woman, especially a female Servant to give it up willingly… well, he would be a fool to refuse. "Very well I accept," He gingerly plucked the strands of pink hair from the Servants open palm putting them in his jacket pocket before stepping away from the door and to the left his back to the hallway where the hovercraft waited. "I'll wait fifteen minutes. That should give your tech operator enough time to get an emergency ride together and get it here… Heed my words Kimberly, do not get involved in this for your family's sake. For all my petty hatred I could never sick them on your father."

Kim stopped and looked at Drakken as Mizukume stood between him and her. "Who is 'them' Drakken?"

Drakken grimaced his eyes which had been like steel flashed with genuine fear for a moment. "Pray you never find out Kimberly, now hurry, you're on the clock," Drakken said, pulling up his sleeve and staring at his watch before turning and walking down the opposite end of the hall.

As Kim, Ron, and Omi sat huddled in the back of a snow plow Kim turned to the little monk, her tone not accusatory, but curious. "Omi, is there something you'd like to tell Ron and I?"

Omi was silent for a moment, before he replied. "I do not believe I should Kimberly. If what the Doctor said was true, then you knowing could put you in grave danger. I could not live with myself if you got hurt."

Kim grimaced. "While I appreciate what you're trying to do Omi. I can take care of myself."

"I dunno KP," Ron hedged, "Didn't you hear what Drakken said, Kung-fu and cheerleading wasn't gonna be enough to handle this."

"Well,it's a good thing that I don't just have kung-fu and cheerleading Ron, I have you, Wade, and his gizmos," Kim retorted.

"Hey!" Rufus complained, popping out from Ron's pocket.

"And you too of course Rufus, I thought that went without saying," Kim said by way of apology.

The naked mole rat 'harrumphed' before turning his back on her, arms crossed.

Kim sighed, "C'mon now Rufus, you're just as important to the team as Ron, me, or Wade," When he ignored her she knew she had to resort to drastic measures. "I'll buy you Bueno Nacho when we get back if you forgive me okay?"

"Grande size?" The mole rat squeaked, peeking at her over his shoulder.

"Yes, grande size… though I don't know where you put it all," Kim said to herself.

"YEAH! Cheese!" Rufus cheered before her scampered up Kim's arm and nuzzled her cheek.

"Cheese whore," Ron said with a smirk. Earning him a raspberry from his pet.

Kim looked to their ride, the only person would or could get to them this high on the mountain, a snowplow worker whose job it was to keep the roads clear so people could get to and from their homes up on the mountain. "Thanks again for the assist Mr. Leeson."

"No problem, happy to help. What were you kids doing up there anyway, eh?"

"Would you believe stopping a mad scientist from taking over your country?" Ron asked.

The man sighed, "Third one this month."

Ron ran a hand down his face. "What I don't get is, why Canada?! I mean it's Canada!"

"Hey, eh?!" The man said slightly offended.

"Sorry," Ron said. "I'm just saying, what's so dang important about Canada that people keep trying to take it over? Like you guys main exports are maple syrup, ham disguised as bacon, and general niceness right?"

"Yes," The man affirmed, "Canada is great, eh?"

"But anyway," Kim said, lowering her voice and fixing Omi with a mild non-hostile glare. "What is going on with you Omi? What have you gotten yourself involved in?"

The monk met her gaze and fixed her with one of his own, "For your own safety Kimberly, I refuse to tell you."

"Dude, just tell her," Ron said with a sigh, "Maybe once she realizes how out of her depth she is, she'll back off."

Kim turned a quizzical gaze on Ron. "Ron… what do you know about all this?"

"More than I want to KP, believe me," Ron assured her. "But Drakken wasn't kidding, this is more than a couple of teens one with cheerleading and kung-fu training can handle."

Kim looked between the two boys she was sharing the snowplow cab with. "One of you had better start explaining this sitch, or I'm going to have Mr. Leeson pull over so I can beat it out of you."

Then, Mizukume's disembodied voice spoke up. It freaked Kim out when she just disappeared when she did, but after what she'd seen today from both her and Omi, she decided not to question it. "What would you give for a wish, Kim-san?"

Shego paced back and forth as she tried to digest everything her boss Drew 'Drakken' Lipskey had just told her. He sat there calmly behind the desk of his bolthold lair he kept for emergencies in the Bahamas just in case 'that' happened, which it did and explained everything to his partner and friend, watching now as she paced across his Persian rug. She stopped and turned to face him, one hand on her hip, the other pointing at him accusingly, "So let me get this straight, you Doctor D, are a genuine no bullshit mage?"

"Magi," He corrected. "I study the science of magic, replicating feats through magic that science can also duplicate, whereas those who can do things science cannot are true mages, or scorcerers. If you want to be even more particular, I'm an alchemist."

"Like turning lead into gold and crap like that?" Shego asked, eyebrow raised.

Smirking a bit, the blue-skinned man nodded. "That is, one particular branch yes. Yet the branch I specialized in was that of phenomena calculation."

Shego blinked, "Say what now?"

"I calculate the odds of something happening as fast as any super computer," Drakken said calmly. "At Atlas, admission was easy, no one was allowed to leave, however. For once they learned their ways, they were considered a danger to the world at large. Yet I am one of the few who has managed the near miraculous feat of escaping the Titan's Pit, mostly unscathed," He said as he reached up and touched the scar on his face.

Shego took a moment to digest that. "So… you're wanted by mages?"

Drakken nodded curtly, just once. "Correct Shego, I am, as they say, on the lamb."

"No one says that Dr. D," Shego said, doing her best not to sigh. "Okay, so you've got a super brain… So why do we keep getting beat by a teenager and her not-boyfriend?"

Drakken gave a light chortel. "That's all part of the plan Shego."

The villainess blinked, "What?"

Drakken sighed, before motioning to the leather chair in front of his solid oak desk. "Have a seat will you? That persian rug is an antique and I don't want you scuffing it with your boots."

Shego crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at her boss who only folded his and waited. In the end Shego pulled out the chair and sat. Once she did, Draken said, "Can I get you anything? Coffee, tea, soda, beer, wine, champagne?" as he spoke he reached into a small mini fridge that had quite a selection of drinks in it.

"Gimme that Guinness with a side of answers Doc," Shego said after a moment.

Drakken put the beer bottle on the table then pulled a vial of some blue substance out of his coat, popped the top off and downed it. Once he did, he tapped the bottle and nothing happened for a moment then the bottle cap shot off the top of the beer due to the increased pressure its contents were put under.

"Neat trick," Shego said with a smirk on her face. "Do you do children's parties too?"

"No," Drakken replied drolly, "I usually reserve my magecraft for prediction, the crafting of automata, and if I must be crude, over oxidizing my opponents and forcing their lungs to explode."

Shego blinked and looked at his little party trick in a new light. "Right, well what's all this about a plan?"

"Simple Shego, I calculated that after two-hundred-fifty-six losses I would have all the necessary information on Kimberly, Ronald, various military installations across the world, and Global Justice itself to finally enact a plan for world domination."

Shego's jaw dropped. "You… you gotta be shittin' me Doc."

Drakken shook his head. "I shit you not," He cringed at having to use foul language. He felt it was beneath him.

"So, does your mom know about this or?"

"Hahahah… no," Drakken said flatly. "They've tried to kidnap her as bait on multiple occasions… I eventually taught them that was not a good idea, to target her or my cousin Edward. Shame it took twenty-nine executioners and fifteen Enforcers to do it though."

"Executors and Enforcers?" Shego asked.

"Executors are the iron fist of various religious organizations," Drakken replied. "They hate mages because they dare enact miracles, something they believe only God should be capable of. The Mage's Association has their own hunters. Those who hunt down wayward magi who have Sealing Designations like myself," Drakken sneered in disgust as he spoke the word.

"Bad?" Shego guessed.

"Imagine if you will being like a butterfly, you evolved past the normal worms into something special, so special in fact that they want to preserve you perfectly as you are forever and then use you as a lab rat, to dissect you and put you back together, to find out what makes you tick, and keep you alive, eternally under glass, guard, and microscope for the rest of eternity." Drakken replied.

Shego actually shuddered. As not only did that sound utterly horrifying, that could have easily happened to her and her brothers. 'In fact, why the hell hadn't any of these magic people come hunting for me or my stupid siblings?' She wondered. Upon voicing these thoughts Drakken grinned victoriously.

"That is because I have gone through great, successful lengths to keep your and your siblings' abilities hidden from magical eyes Shego!" Drakken boasted like the 'Drakken' she was used to, the one she knew now was a very elaborate and well crafted mask. "No mage in their right mind would use the internet! Thus creating a program to destroy any and all footage of them or you was child's play! Bwhwhwaha!"

"You did that for me Dr. D?" Shego felt unusually touched by the gesture.

The man settled down and folded his hands on his desk again, "Certainly Shego. You do realize you are no mere lacky correct? You are my pardon the pun, partner in crime. I have very few people I feel I can trust Shego and you are one of them. I hope you realize that."

The villainess blinked. She never realized her boss… cared so much. "Don't go getting all sentimental on me now Dr. D. Not after I'm just now starting to respect you a little. Shego leaned back and propped her feet up on his desk. "What? She said when she saw him narrow his eyes, "You didn't want my boots on the rug right?"

Drakken sighed. "This desk is older than both of us combined. It was carved from the oldest known tree in the world after some kid in Georgia stupidly cut it down."

Shego blinked at that. "Damn, no shit?"

"No." Drakken refused to swear again.

Shego laughed at that. "Wow, you may be on the run Doc, but you got expensive taste."

Draken leaned back in his own chair. "A folly of all magi I'm afraid. We have an ingrained sense of aristocracy and royalty in all of us."

Shego laughed a little, "And yet you love chocolate milk?"

Drakken shrugged. "I've seen and done a lot of things Shego. I've had pizza that cost twelve hundred dollars, a slice topped with gold leaf, lobster, caviar, and truffle. I've been to the top of the Eiffel Tower. Seen the tops of Ancient Aztec ziggurats, where human sacrifice was held, and seen the colosseum in old Rome. Yet sometimes it is the simple things in life that make us the happiest."

Shego absorbed that for a moment. "Wise words Doc. So, what's going on with that kid anyway?"

Drakken's face scrunched as if someone had just shoved smelling salts up his nose. "Ah, him. He has been inducted into a Greater Ritual, that shouldn't even be active anymore. I was told it was taken care of… apparently not. It was not something I'd accounted for in my plan, but not to worry I'm already coming up with several countermeasures."

Shego nodded, trusting her boss that he knew what he was doing for once. "Okay, but what is it?"

Drakken grimaced as he replied, "A Greater Ritual known as the Holy Grail War."

Kim slowly digested what she'd been told. She had been ruminating on it the entire way back to Middleton as as they sat in a booth in Bueno Nacho, she had only had one response to it all. "Seriously?"

"Totally serious KP. Scouts honor," Ron swore putting his hand over his heart as Rufus scarfed down a grande sized plate of nachos.

"Young Wukong is not trying to deceive you Kim," Sanzang promised her. "He is… We are telling you the truth."

It wasn't that she didn't believe her friends, it's just… it was all so fantastical! Spirits of heroic figures from the past and even the future being summoned to fight in a battle royale to the death with mages to attain a wish that had no limitations on it? Scary thought. Kim slowly nodded. "Okay, let's say I believe you…" She pointed at Sangzang, "That would make you the Sangzang from the Journey to the West wouldn't it?"

The monk nodded sheepishly. "That it would Kim, that it would."

Kim then turned to Mizukume… "Who are you supposed to be?"

The pink-haired girl looked away bashfully. "Mizukume would rather not say. In fact, it is dangerous for us Servants to reveal our True Names even to our Masters. For if they are revealed to the enemy it could inadvertently give them information on our weaknesses that would be gleaned through our legends. We Servants are still bound by our myths to a point. An example would be Thor, he could be slain by poisoning and being forced to take nine steps forwards."

Kim took a moment to digest that. Then she gave a slow bob of her head. "I… see. Sorry I asked then."

The Servant shook her hands, "Nonono! Ignorance isn't a sin Kim-san, foreknowledge is forewarned, and all that."

Kim nodded. "Yeah, can't disagree there. So you can't give your name, that's fine. Can you give me your Class designation then?"

The Servant was quick to declare, "I'm a Caster!"

"So you fling spells?" Kim asked for clarification.

"Yep," She replied before taking a bite out of her food. "These Naco's are great!" She praised.

Kim turned back to Sanzang, "You are a moderator for this Holy Grail War?"

"Myself and Young Wukong," She replied putting an arm around Ron who blushed as he was pulled into her bouncing bosom. "He has somehow gained half of the Command Seals that are usually given only to austere self. That marks him as my co-rule enforcer and Master in this War."

Ron shook his head before looking at Sanzang. "Wait, what? Command Seals, where?"

"On your back," Sangxang replied, "In the form of a simian."

Ron sulked, slumping down in his seat. "It's a monkey, of course it's a monkey! I've got a literal monkey on my back KP! This is sick and wrong! It's wrong sick!"

Kim patted Ron's back sympathetically. "There, there Ron, it'll be okay," She turned back to Omi. "Ready to head over to my house and meet the Tweebs Omi?"

"Tweebs? What is a Tweeb?" the little monk asked.

Kim's house looked normal from the outside. Yet the moment the door opened, Omi was forced to high kick a rocket out of Ron's face. "Woah! Nice save Bromi! Jim! Tim! We talked about this dudes! No potentially explosive toys in the house!"

"Ron! Kim!" Jim and Tim, identical messy brown haired twin boys ran at the heroic duo. One in a red shirt, the other in green. They skidded to a stop when they saw Omi standing there. "Woah, it's the Kung-Fu Kid!" They said in stereo.

"Who?" Omi looked around as if trying to find someone else fitting that description. Seeing them looking at him, he then pointed at himself. "Me?"

"Dude, you totally rock!" The redshirted Jim said.

"Yeah, you KO'd Brick like he was nothing!" the green shirt wearing Tim added before looking at his brother, "Hika bicka boo?"

"Hoo sha!" Jim replied in twin speak before they high fived and all but dragged Omi away, upstairs to their room.

"Help! I think I really am being kidnaped this time! There is danger from these strangers!" Omi cried as he was dragged up the stairs.

"Boy's play nice!" Caster called a bit of warning in her humored tone.

"Yes ma'am!" One of the twins called down before the door to a bedroom was slammed shut.

Anne walked out of the kitchen with oven mitts on both of her hands. "Kimmy Ron, who're your friends?"

"Mrs. Dr. P this is Sangzang from Japan, she kinda followed me home. She'll be staying with me for a while," Ron replied.

Kim picked up where Ron left off, "And this is Mizukume, she's Omi's big sister. The Tweebs just grabbed him and pulled him upstairs."

The pink-haired girl bowed respectfully. "You have a lovely home Possible-sensei."

"Another girl who followed you home from Japan Ron?" Anne asked bemused.

Mizukume was quick to reply. "No actually, Omi-erzi and I are staying with a graduated colleague student by the name of Ashely Bast."

Anne nodded. "I see," she said as she walked forwards, pulling her oven mitts off as she went and gave her surrogate son the biggest hug she could manage. "Thank you so much Ronald."

"For… oh crap, KP, did you blab?!" Ron said, shooting his friend a glare.

The heroine looked bashful. "Yeah, I totally did. Sorry Ron but there was no way I could keep this a secret."

"Who's at the door honey?!" Rocket scientist James Timothy Possible, 'Mr. Dr. P' called.

"Kim is back… with Ron, and she brought extra friends dear," Anne called into the living room.

"Ron? Well, bring him in here, we have a lot to talk about!" The scientist called.

Ron glared at his friend since pre-K. "I blame you for this KP, I blame you."

Kim did her best not to laugh at Ron's predicament. "I'm so sorry Ron." Then, a thought occurred to her. "But now that I think about it, Dad might know something about Drakken acting weird."

"Saved by the mission," Ron said, sighing in relief as he followed his friend into the room.

Kim ran up to her father, who was sitting in an overstuffed armchair, she gave him a kiss on the cheek and said, "Hey Dad."

"Hey Kimmie Cub, how'd saving Canada go?"

"Weirdly actually," Kim replied, "We went to stop Drakken like usually, but then he got… weird. Not his usual hammy weird, but super serious weird. Has he ever acted like that around you dad?"

"Drew… disappeared after we mocked him, Kimmie Cub. I didn't see him for years after that. When he finally did show back up, I hardly recognized him. His skin was blue, he had that scar, and his hands had noticeably shrunk."

"So he looks like he does now?" Kim asked.

James nodded, his usually relaxed face severe for once. "Yes, he didn't exactly elaborate on where he'd been, just called it the Titans Pit," James shivered although the room wasn't cold in the least. "The look in his eyes that day, wasn't that of a sane man. I thought he'd gotten better with time but," the rocket scientist shrugged, "I suppose not."

The Possible Patriarch then fixed his gaze on Ron. "We need to have a talk about a certain anonymous donation Ronald. Have a seat."

Ron chuckled awkwardly. "Why do I feel like I'm in trouble Mr. Dr. P?"

James waved his hand. "Not at all. What you did was… beyond kind Ron, and it means so much to Anne and myself,"

"But?" Ron said sensing the but coming.

"You are young, and while I know you meant well, we'd appreciate it if you didn't do that again. You should think about your future Ron."

Ron was quiet for a moment before he burst out laughing. "Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Dr. P, I don't mean to come off as rude, it's just… do you have any idea how big my royalty check was?"

When the man shook his head, Ron replied, "Ninety-nine million dollars. I still go fourty mill left dude, it's all good. Also, I get paid royalties quarterly. So… yeah."

James nodded slowly, "I see, and how much are you getting paid per Naco sold?"

"A nickel… wow, these things must be selling like hot cakes," Ron said to himself.

James shook his head, "Ron, they're practically ripping you off. You should be making more than a nickel for every naco sold."

"Yeah, but I bet if I hired a lawyer all Bueno Nacho has to do is wait for my forty mill to run out and boom, no more case," Ron replied. "Then, they don't have to pay me anything at all. Don't poke a sleeping bear Mr. Dr. P."

"True," The scientist conceded.

Anne called up the stairs. "Boys! It's almost time for dinner! I made brainloaf!"

Omi came flying down the stairs in a blur. He had electrodes attached to him and marker lines along the top half of his brow. "Kimberly I believe your brothers are attempting to cut me open and see how my watch works!"

"Grr, Tweebs! What gives?! Why're you trying to dissect Omi and see how he ticks?" Kim hollered angirly up the stairs.

"Boys, we've been over this, no dissecting guests!" Anne chastised. "And you can only move onto small animals once you get to highschool!"

"But Mom!" Jim said coming down the stairs. "Omi has to be a mutant of some kind! He was telekinetically manipulating water."

"Yeah," Tim replied, "We have to take him apart, for the sake of science and future generations!"

"Boys!" Mizukume said, fixing the twins with a glare, her hands on her hips. "There will be no dissecting Omi-erzi, am I understood!?"

Both boys looked at the floor. "Yes ma'am! We're sorry!" They chorused at the same time.

Mizukume nodded twice briskly. "Good, good! Now, let's go to the kitchen. This brainloaf your mother talked about sounds interesting."

"Before we go, could you clarify one thing for me Mizukume?" Anne asked.

"Yes?" the Servant replied, unsure what the woman wanted.

Anne smiled and said, "You're little Omi's mother and not his sister aren't you, dear?"

The Servant was stunned into silence for just a moment before she nodded. "I am his adoptive mother, yes. We are so close in age though that it is easier to just tell people we are brother and sister. Many less strange looks that way."

Anne nodded understandingly. "Well you have nothing to be worried about here dear," Anne reassured her, "Now how about that brainloaf?"

"Dibs on the frontal lobe," Jim and Tim said at the same time.

"Your ability to shape meat into the form of human organs is quite impressive Mrs. Possible," Omi complimented from his seat at the table.

Anne beamed, "Thank you, Omi dear."

"Sorry again-" Tim began.

"That we tried to-" Jim continued.

"Dissect you in the name of science!" Both finished.

Omi waved off their apology. "It is fine, try to do so again however and I shall freeze you to your beds," the little monk warned.

"Bromi's not jokin' guys. We saw him cut through a five inch thick tungsten steel door earlier tonight. He's one tough lil dude," Ron warned, causing the Twins to gulp and nod.

Kim decided to bring up something else that happened earlier. "Mizukume, why did you give Drakken a lock of your hair earlier, and why was it so important?"

"Ah, that," The girl pursed her lips as she glanced at the rest of the Possible family. "I do not know if now is the time to be answering such a question Kim."

Kim sighed, "Omi, if you would please give my parents a demonstration? I'm assuming you did one for the Tweebs up in their room?"

"Very well Kimberly," Omi replied before he moved his arms causing the water in their glasses, ice and all, to flow together into a single sphere above his waiting hand.

James and Anne were floored. Anne found her voice first. "I assume this is why the boys wanted to dissect you Omi dear?"

Omi nodded. "Correct. I am simply adept at manipulating my chi, it is not a martial arts concept, it is a fact of life," The young monk formed the mass of ice and water into a frozen swan before continuing, "I am in particular, attuned to the element of water."

James nodded. "Fascinating. I mean, it makes sense energy can neither be created nor destroyed but it can take different forms, you've learned to tap into the very energy our cells produce and learned to use it."

"Perhaps. I chose to think of it as something that simply is," Omi replied, "The air is, water is, earth is, and fire is. They make up the world, they form a cycle that completes and defies each other, thus keeping everything in balance."

James nodded understandingly. "You're a spiritual person. I'm a man of science. We're yin and yang in that regard. You don't ask why or how, whereas it's my job to do so."

Omi shook his head. "It is not that I do not ask, in fact I find myself awed by the myriad of things I have seen since leaving the temple. However, I realize that some things don't need to be explained, Mr. Possible. Just as the cricket does not question why he chirps, nor the fish why it swims, there are some things man just should not question. Or rather, is not yet ready for."

James nodded slowly, his mind going to the atomic bomb something largely thought of as the 'sin of science.' "I don't disagree there."

"So back to my question Mizukume?" Kim seguewyed.

The Servant saw no point in holding back anymore. "To practitioners of magecraft, or the science of magic, hair is a valuable resource; as hair holds and collects power the longer it is allowed to grow uncut. Much like bodily fluids. If given up in trade, it forms a sort of pact. A pact most if not all magi will abide by, as to give up one's hair willingly is a sign of either desperation or negotiation. Earlier, I was both."

Kim stroked her own long copper red locks, she'd grown her hair out since pre-K… "What can Drakken do with… wait, are you saying Drakken is a mage?!"

"Correct," Mizukume replied.

"Ouch, my brain," Kim said, massaging her temples at the current revelations. "Okay, but what can he do with it?"

The Caster sighed, "It depends on the type of magecraft he practices. He could do anything from taking forceful control of my body with Voodoo, to creating clones of myself with Alchemy, to binding me unto himself with onmyouji magic," She shuddered, "I truly hope he is not an Onmyouji… I have a particular dislike of them."

Kim bit back a curse. "This isn't good is it?"

The pink-haired girl shook her head. "It is not."

"Well shit," Ron swore, saying what everyone was thinking.

Shego made her way through the bolthole base bleary-eyed and tired, she'd slept fitfully. She'd had a lot on her mind last night. 'I hope Dr. D slept better than I… did?' She thought as she came into the living area and saw a giant ass machine that she knew damn well wasn't there last night when she went to bed. It was black and had eight globulous containers all over its surface and each one was large enough to hold a human body.

Shego approached cautiously and wiped away the condensation covering one of the pods. "The fuck?!" She cried as she jumped back. For floating in some lime green liquid was the naked form of that pink-haired girl from earlier. She wiped off the other pods and found seven other copies of the same girl floating in the same strange juices. She also noticed that each girl had fox ears and a tail.

"Dr. D, you've got some explaining to do!" Shego called out.

"Ah, Shego, I see you're awake," Drakken said coming out of the kitchen a frilly pink apron over his blue scrubs.

Pointing at the strange machine with one finger, "You, explain, now! I swear if this is some kind of sick fetish thing..." Her hands lit up with plasma.

Drakken quirked an eyebrow, "Really Shego? Do you truly think me to be so base even now?"

The former heroine sighed. "No, but seriously, what's with the ears and tails?"

Approaching the strange device, Drakken put his hands on one of the pods before saying somberly, "Tell me Shego, have you ever heard of the tale of Tamamo-no-Mae?"

"Who no who?" Shego replied in response.

"According to Japanese mythology, she was the fox spirit responsible for killing Emperor Toba around 1156. According to myth, legend of her beauty, skill and poise had spread far and wide. She eventually became Toba's favored courtesan, and confidant. Then, the Emperor fell deathly ill one day. Abe no Semei the emperor's onmyoji deduced Tamamo-no-Mae was a fox spirit and had her hunted from the palace by eighty thousand soldiers. She was eventually slain by a magic arrow to her heart but not without taking the army with her."

"Wow, and this… is her?" Shego asked.

"Yes, clones of her, but there is more, do you happen to know what a bunrei is Shego?" Drakken inquired.

"Nope, sounds Japanese though," Shego replied.

Drakken nodded. "It is, a bunrei is a copy, an exact duplicate of a japanese god. For you see, Tamamo-no-Mae was, in truth, a bunrei of Amaterasu, the Japanese sun goddess. Curious about humans, she made a bunrei of herself and incarnated it on earth during the early eras of Japan. Before going there though she drifted across India and China causing mass devastation, for about oh, three thousand five hundred years or so arriving in the early years of the reign of emperor Toba where she turned herself into a baby girl and was raised by a poor village couple."

"Damn… and you wanna make clones of this chick why?" Shego asked.

"We need forces that can counter Servant's Shego if our world domination plan is to succeed. Now, please step back, I'm about to perform a mass summoning ritual."

Shego took three steps way back, and watched as Drakken began chanting.

"Let silver of my blood and the steel of my resolve be the essence.

Let stone and the archduke of contracts be the foundation for our contract.

Let no color decide who I pay tribute to.

Let rise a wall against the wind that shall not fall till eternity ends.

Let the four cardinal gates close and grant us safety.

Let the three-forked road from the crown reaching unto the Kingdom rotate.

Let it be declared now with the world and humanity as my witness;

your flesh shall be bound to me, and my fate shall be your sword to slice karma;.

Appear before as I beckon you from the beyond.

Answer, if you would submit to this will and this truth.

An oath shall be sworn here.

I shall attain all virtues of all of Heaven to prove my character;

I shall have dominion over all evils of all of Hell to resolve your sins.

You who is rejected by the world shall be accepted on my blood.

From the Seventh Heaven, attended to by three great words of power,

come forth from the ring of restraint, protector of the holy balance!"

Power filled the air as Drakken incanted, a gale kicked up and electricity crackled through the air, ending in a blinding flash of light when he completed the chant coming from the strange machine itself.

When the light cleared eight fox girls in different colored kimonos ranging from black, yellow, orange, to green, to light blue, red, aqua blue, and pink were bowing in front of Drakken. "We ask of you, are you our Master?"

"I am," the blue man affirmed, grinning evilly.

While Omi was out with his friends, Ashley was pursuing her favorite pastime before hanging out with Omi became her favorite pastime. That is to say, she was stealing things. Currently, she and Assassin were in the midst of robbing the Louvre in Paris. The Golden Tiger Claws made it a cinch to nab whatever tickled her fancy as she could just create a portal around said item, and then, bam it was in her hands the next second.

She was currently looking over some ancient Iranian jewelry that she thought would look nice on her, when she noticed Assassin staring at a painting. Waltzing over she noticed it wasn't just any painting, but the most well-known painting in the entire place. The Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vici. Giving her partner in crime a nudge she said, "Whaddaya think? It's something right?"

"Why is she smiling do you think?" Assassin asked in a ponderous tone.

Ashley shrugged. "No one knows. It's one of the great mysteries of this painting. Some say it's a picture of what Leonardo da Vici pictured himself looking like as a woman, others think it's that of a very close friend or former lover of his… wanna take it?"

"Sure," Assassin said after a moment's thought before she snatched the painting up and it disappeared into the ether.

Taking an ancient tea set from Japan that Ashley thought Omi would appreciate, Ashley smiled to herself and sighed in satisfaction. "It's so hard to be bad when Omi's around! He's just so… so sweet ya know?! Usually I don't feel bad taking things but he actually makes me feel… blegh! Know what I mean?"

"Love makes people do crazy things. Or so I've heard," Assassin commented airily. "I wouldn't know though, I've never been in love."

"Never? Not once? Even when you were alive?" Ashley asked, quirking an eyebrow.

The Phantom Thief shook her head. "No, back in my day love was not a part of marriage. You married because it was expected of you, not because you loved the other person."

Ashley frowned even as she stole more jewelry from a case. "Well that sucks," She then slapped her covered fist into her palm and smirked. "I know! I can totally help you find a boyfriend while you're here!"

Assassin blinked. "What? No, don't be ridiculous Master," Assassin put two slender pale fingers found her temples in an attempt to ward off the headache she knew was coming. "Need I remind you that I am already dead? I am merely being anchored to this plane of existence by you?"

"So?" Ashley retorted. "That doesn't mean you can't have a may-december romance, right?"

"That's exactly what it means!" Assassin snapped. "I'm dead girl," Assassin turned away, arms crossed under her impressive bosom. "There is no point in me getting attached to anyone."

"Me-ow. Someone's being catty, and it's not me Carrie," Katenappe huffed before she walked off.

Again Assassin, who was going by Carrie Denever for now, found herself letting out a sigh. 'Why must my Master be so difficult? Well because she is a teenage girl of course. Remember when you were that…' Just thinking of herself when she was her Master's age caused Assassin's nose to bleed. "No, no don't go down that road. That way leads only to madness." Assassin said to herself as she caught up with her miffed Master in just a couple of steps. She then placed a hand on her shoulder. "I… did not mean to be cruel, Master. It's just… remembering my past is… painful for me."

"I know what that's like," Ashely commented, before turning to her Servant and adding, "If you get hung up on the past though, then how can you ever look forward to the future?"

"Master… I'm dead," Assassin reminded her flatly. "I'm a ghost. I don't have a future."

The blonde cat themed thief shook her head. "Nonsense! I'll bet you everything you and I manage to steal while we're together that we'll find some way to make you human again."

"You're foolishly optimistic Ashley Bast," Assassin said.

Katnappe smirked. "Well Carrie Denever, I have a set of golden magic tiger claws that let me teleport wherever I want, and I'm talking to a ghost. So is the idea of there being a magical item that can turn ghost corporeal so farfetched?" she challenged.

Carrie thought it over. "No, I suppose not. What if such an item, a Shen Gong Wu was it? Appears and ends up in someone else's hands?"

Ashely just laughed. "Then we'll just steal if of course."

Assassin quirked an eyebrow smiling mischievously. "Even if that person is little Omi?"

Ashley coughed a bit then corrected, "Well, in that case, we'll just borrow it without asking with the full intent to return it."

"Thought so," Assassin quipped.

"Shut it!" Ashley fired back, flushing a bit.

"Grr!" Kimiko paced across the room Grangran kept for her, "This sucks gramps!"

The red mantled servant sighed as he leaned on the wall close to the window. "So you've said, multiple times. Also how many times must I tell you to call me Archer! Archer! We don't need the enemy guessing our familial connection by how you address me."

"But Gramps is my Gramps," Kimiko said.

"Not the point Kimi-chan" Archer replied with a sigh. "If any enemy servants figure out we're related, then you could be in even more danger?"

"In even more danger than in a death game where the easiest way to win is for the super powered death ghost gladiators is to kill me anyway?" Kimiko pointed out, "You're kidding right?"

Archer opened his mouth to retort but he realized the girl had a damn good point. "Fair," Archer admitted. "But you calling me Gramps just makes me feel… weird."

"Awe, you're shy!" Kimiko said before she ran forwards and hugged his waist. "That's so cute Gramps."

"I am not shy," Archer grumbled, as he reached down with one hand and gently ran a hand through Kimiko's hair. "You remind me so much of your Grandmother it's unsettling."

"She's down stairs you know? You can go talk to her? Clear the air?" Kimiko said in a hinting tone.

"No," Archer said flatly. "Also, weren't you concerned about your boyfriend?"

"O-Omi isn't my boyfriend!" Kimiko denied. 'Yet.' She thought.

"Yet," The Servant said with a scoff. "Give it time."

"Gramps!" Kimiko said, hitting him ineffectually. "Stop teasing me!"

Archer smirked. "Now why would I do that? Where's the fun in it for me if I do?"

"You're incorrigible… but I am worried about Omi-chan, he's so pure and innocent… I'm worried that Katnappe might end up corrupting him somehow," Kimiko finished with heat in her tone

"Worried she'll make a man out of him before you do more-like," Archer grumbled to himself.

"Gramps!" Kimiko said her face flushed as she released a kick that ended in a burst of flame, which thankfully, Archer's magic resistance negated.

A knock came at the door and moments later Clay came in with Rider in tow. The cowboy tipped his hat in greeting. "Hey y'all. You wondering when this Grail War thing is gonna start in earnest like me?"

Archer crossed his arms and closed his eyes. "Hopefully not too soon Clay. We've yet to gather all of our forces. If we were to be attacked by the full force of the other side now, we would be at a tactical disadvantage."

"Scared Archer-san?" Rider asked, in a teasing tone.

Archer huffed. "Hardly, but I can't plan for unknowns, Rider."

The Servant of the mount nodded. "Of course. I think you are one of the most dangerous people here Archer, parameters be damned."

Archer gave a flippant bow. "Coming from Medusa herself, I'll take that as a compliment."

The scent of blood was cloying in the air as Rider's covered eyes glared at the red mantled Servant. Her voice came out in a dangerous hiss. "How did you know?"

"How indeed?" Archer said in a mocking knowing tone.

"Gramps," Kimiko said warningly. "That's enough. Just… stop being a dick already! Either tell how you knew or I'll… I'll use a Command Spell to make you." She threatened.

Archer's steel eyes met his granddaughter's aquamarine. They stared at each other for a moment. It was the Servant who looked away first. "Very well Master, if you insist," He looked to Rider, "To put it to you simply I can read the history of any object I look at. I knew who you were the moment I looked at your visor, and those chains."

"I… see. Quite a useful skill," Rider said after a moment. "So then you know who Assassin is as well I take it?"

"Fuma Kotaro, a 'Famous Assassin' which defeats the purpose of being an assassin if you really think about it." Archer replied nonchalantly.

"Archer-san is quite knowledgeable," Assassin said, falling from the ceiling smile never leaving his face, his ruddy hair covering one of his crimson eyes. "I am most impressed, and you are quite right, a famous Assassin is an oxymoron."

"Where's Raimundo dare I ask?" Kimiko inquired, her tone both acidic and flippant.

"Master is in the dojo honing his skills," Assassin replied easily, "I was also sent to inform you that dinner is…"

Suddenly the ground trembled as the earth shook and a harrowing cry split the air. "HARROORPH" It was a mixture of the crying of a madman and the trumpeting of an elephant.

"Going to have to wait," Archer said as a feeling, a pressure of absolute dread and terror washed over them all.

It could only be an enemy Servant. It had to be. The first battle of this Apocryphal Grail War was about to begin.

In the Emiya Estate, a girl broken by fate, used a kitchen knife and her own blood to create a magic circle. 'I'll win,' She told herself. 'I'll win and get Sempai back. The Grail, it has to give Sempai back to me, it can grant any wish. It has to give Sempai back to me if I win right?'

So did the poor thing known as Sakura Matou think to herself as she chanted frantically the words Zouken had carved into her flesh, her very soul, all those years ago. Zouken, the fool, tried to stop the Wizard Marshall Zelretch from sealing away the Greater Grail, and was minced because of it. Every single worm was removed from her body for Zouken's insolence… it was a poor consolation prize.

'I will get sempai back!' Sakura thought madly as she finished the incantation. "O' Keeper of the Balance!"

There was an explosion of power, and the Emiya estate was all but torn apart. When it cleared Sakura was being held protectively in the arms of a humanoid 'thing'. A pair of massive curved ivory tusks were jutting from its shoulders, its skin was a thick blue-grey, and layered thick with muscle, Sakura could feel the sheer amount of power bundled up in its limbs as it gingerly held her in its arms. She noted a red royal mantle fluttered behind it. It's head was small, almost unnoticeable if it weren't for the royal crown set atop it.

"I… ask of you… Are you my… Anastasia?" The Servant asked in a deep dark baritone.

"Anastasia?" Sakura said aloud.

The Servant placed Sakura on the ground, and gently stroked her head with one finger. "Anastasia Romanova, it is you. Your voice, so soft, so pure… I could mistake it for no other."

'Ah, it's Ivan the Terrible… and he thinks I'm his first wife,' Sakura realized. She smiled sadly. 'We're both quite sad aren't we Ivan? Missing someone we can't have? I suppose we can comfort each other for now.'

"Yes dear, it's me," Sakura said.

"My dear you are bleeding. What happened?" Ivan asked concernedly. From her place on the ground Sakura had to estimate, he was 531cm/17'5. He was quite tall. He had a royal red loincloth covering his waist and a belt formed of a spinal cord. His torso was brick hard and his face looked like the maw of a crab. Two twinkling blue dots signified his eyes.

"I was attacked dear. Our enemies in the aristocracy have attempted to kill me. I managed to escape however and found my way to you."

Bloodlust filled the air causing all life to still as the aura of an apex predator overshadowed them. "Where. Are. They? I'll slaughter them like the dogs they are and show them the folly of going against the Tsar and God!"

"I stumbled upon them congregating in a house plotting our demise, we should strike now while they are still unaware," Sakura urged.

"Yes… they shall fall, for the continued glory of Mother Russia!" Ivan swore, clenching his fist as he swore vengeance before he made his way towards the door. Sakura made to follow, only for Ivan to throw out a hand not in a threat but a placative manner. "No, you shall stay here Ana, where it is safe."

Sakura puffed out her cheeks in annoyance but was oddly touched. "But then how will you know where they are located dear?"

"The worms cannot hide from me! They will not dare meet my eye! Not now that I know of their betrayal!" Ivan growled as lighting began to spark from his person. "No, you are safest here Ana."

Sakura sighed, but saw her Servant off with a smile. "Very well dear. Please be safe. I'll have dinner started by the time you return."

What could pass as a slasher's smile appeared on Ivan's beastly visage, "Truly god blessed me with this encounter my dear. Let God as my witness know I am thankful for you, my beloved wife." he then proceeded to bend over the best he could and kissed her hand in a show of affection.

Sakura found herself flushing a bit. 'He thinks you're his wife, remember you're doing this for Sempai,' Sakura told herself as he made his way towards the front door and she made her way towards the kitchen, intent on keeping her word and cooking enough for six. For if Ivan was anything like Saber or her beloved Rider from the last War, then he could likely pack away a lot of food.

Archer spotted the thing that could only be a Servant first thanks to his keen eyesight. The fact that it was walking blatantly down the road in the middle of the day, the sun not even having fully set yet, made him think they must be dealing with a Berserker.

'Shit, shit shit!' Archer thought to himself. 'What the hell is that thing? I could tell who Rider was because she was wearing her Noble Phantasm on her face and she had her chains, but this guy… he's got no distinguishing markers.'

Suddenly a twisted roughly carved golden staff appeared in the opposing Servant's hand, making Archer think he was dealing with a Caster. This was only enforced when the Servant stomped on the ground and sent a torrent of lightning surging forth along the ground, setting a nearby tree ablaze.

'Gramps?' Kimiko's voice echoed in his head. 'What the heck is that thing?!'

'Grandpa is kinda busy right now sweetie.' Archer retorted. 'Be a good girl and leave me alone for a bit and I'll take you out for ice cream when this is all over.'

'Screw you too old man! Just don't die out there! Grangran and I won't forgive you if you do!' Kimiko snapped at him as he traced his signature weapons, the yin-yang married twin swords Kanshou and Bakuya and charged the inhuman looking Servant.

'Kids these days,' Archer thought to himself as he entered the first fight of this unusual Grail War.

His twin swords met the Casters staff with a clang, the beautiful craftsmanship cracking from the sheer force and pressure coming off the other Servant.

"I gotta admit, you're an odd one Caster," Archer grudgingly complimented as he jumped back, tracing another pair of the twin blades and eyeing his foe from a safe distance.

"Caster… this one is no Caster I despise witches and the like…" The Servant rumbled with his voice reverberating across the area..

Archer quirked a white eyebrow, "Oh then what might your Class designation be, hm?"

"This one is… The Thunder Emperor!" The Servant roared, lightning arcing from his ivory tusks, "And you shall die for threatening my wife churl!"

Archer crossed his blades in front of him and managed to deflect the lightning bolt, thankful not for the first time nor the last that wielding both swords together raised his Magic Resistance. Yet just because he could not get electrocuted doesn't mean he wasn't forced back. He was… all the way through the wall of someone's house.

His steel gaze briefly flicked over the occupant sitting at the table, an old woman with brown going grey hair. "Excuse me." He said as he ran right back through the hold he'd just made in her home. While the woman herself was left blinking owlishly thinking. 'Was… was that Emiya-kun just now?'

Back outside the Servant was still ranting and raving about some wife or another. "Assassin! Traitor! Usurper! Bolshevik! I'll flay your flesh from your bones! For daring to lay a hand upon my darling Anastasia!"

'Bolshevik, Anastasia… Oh shit is this Ivan the Terrible? Wow, he must have the Innocent Monster skill, and it really fucked him up, cause he looks nothing like the Ivan from history.' The Counter Guardian thought to himself grimacing as he threw his favored weapons at the monster and traced another pair.

They bounced off of his flesh, doing all of nothing. Archer blinked. "Well, shit."

"Die assassin!" The Thunder Emperor roared as he shot off another burst of lightning.

The mantled hero shot back verbally. "I'm an Archer you idiot! Also, your wife is probably just your Master using your mental imbalance to her… advantage," Archer realized there was likely only one person in the entire town who could be this Servant's Master. 'Sakura, what have you done?'

Ivan stood stock still for a moment before he started speaking in low tones his voice picking up momentum as he carried on. "Die… die… diediediediediediedie!"

Suddenly the servant disappeared in a burst of lightning only to reappear in front of him and aim a punch at his face. The Servant of the bow, just barely got his blades up to soften the blow in time but it still broke his jaw as it hit him in the face, sending him flying, bouncing like a ball as he skipped down the street.

"Shit, where's the cavalry when you need them?" Archer said to himself as he picked himself up out of the trench his body made.

"Sorry we're late partner," Clay said, sitting behind Rider on her pegasus. "We had a bit of a disagreement on whether I should come to this dog and pony show or not."

"You shouldn't have," Archer replied, spitting blood from his mouth. "You could die right here and now while we're fighting, and if you die, we lose Rider. You're a walking target."

"Your concern for my safety is like a warm blanket partner, but lifes the greatest bull of all. It's gonna buck all of us sometime," Clay replied.

"If that's your roundabout way of saying you're not afraid of dying, I'll stick by my point of calling you an idiot!" Archer retorted.

"He has a better chance of surviving than you at the moment Archer-san," Assassin noted. "My goodness whatever did you say to get him so riled?"

"I may have made some insinuations about his wife, who isn't really his wife," Archer sighed. "Speaking of, you need to head to the Matou Estate and kill the woman there. She's the only possible Master for this thing."

"But Archer-san, if it's Master is located at the Matou Estate we would've been attacked much sooner than this?" Assassin noted. "So the Master of this Servant must be living somewhere else."

Archer blinked. "There's an old fashioned japanese mansion across town. Go there, kill the woman." Archer said, his voice as hard as his heart at the moment.

"Understood," Assassin said as he disappeared using Presence Concealment.

"Ivan!" Archer roared. "You have a choice! You can either fight us, or go save your precious wife! What'll it be?"

The Servant stopped and screamed at them, "Traitors! Wretches! Dogged blasphemers against God! Has my wife not suffered enough from your cruel actions?! She is innocent and pure and you corrupt her with your filth and spiteful actions!" He then stomped away as fast as he could go.

Archer didn't flinch externally, but internally he felt his heart seize. He then sighed and looked towards Rider and Clay, "Well, that happened huh?"

"That's a low blow partner threatenin' a lady and then sendin' one of our own to almost certainly die? What's wrong with you?" Clay asked.

'Yeah, Gramps what the hell?' Kimiko asked through theirServant-Master connection.

Archer sighed. "Children, children will you both relax? I'm sure Raimundo is smart enough to pull Assassin back with a Command Spell once Ivan shows up." That was all part of Archer's plan of course. To both get rid of Ivan and weaken his 'allies' for the eventual time when the Grail War became a free for all. The more Command Seals Kimiko had and the less the others had, the better in his opinion.

'Yeah, but then he'll be short a Command… you planned that didn't you?' Kimiko accused.

'Who me, no never. I mean, it's not like we're in the middle of a death game and our 'allies' could turn on us at any time, and it wouldn't be a good idea to deny them any potential resources we can, 'while' we can.' The Servant retorted.

'Gramps… we 'will' be having words when you get back here,' Kimiko promised him.

'I'm quivering in my steel toed boots Kimi-chan. So… since you're upset I'm assuming you 'don't' want that ice cream then?'

'Make sure its green tea flavored you asshat!' Kimiko growled at him, making him chuckle.

"So, all I gotta do is bleed a bit right?" Dojo asked for clarification looking at everyone else and then the circle of gemstones embedded into Rin Tohsaka's basement warily.

"That is correct Dojo-san," Rin said with the utmost politeness, he was a dragon after all. "It should be a simple matter for one such as yourself."

Dojo smirked at her. "Quit tryin' to butter me up sweetcheeks, I'm too old for you, or your too young for me, either or." Dojo slithered towards the circle of precious gems and bit down on his palm drawing some blood with his fang. He allowed some of his blood to fall into the circle. It immediately flared to life blazing a brilliant crimson hue as mana colascuesed in the magic circle. When the wave of magical energy passed, a man, clearly a knight was standing there.

He was wearing grey scaled armor that was split down the middle showing his chest, in his hand he held a massive sword that looked like it was fit for the hands of a giant rather than a man, his platinum blonde locks fell into his face and half covered his grey eyes. Then he spoke, his voice a deep sorrowful timbre. "I Servant Saber have come at your summons," He looked down at the small dragon and upon seeing Dojo staring back up at him, he quirked an eyebrow and asked, "Are you my Master?"

"Y-Yeah," Dojo said nervously, "That's me you uh… you're a dragonslayer aren't you?"

The Servant nodded. "I am. You are a dragon this is… odd."

Dojo laughed, "You're tellin' me! I thought only Shen Gong Wu only gave me the willies but man, you're settin' me off."

Saber bowed, "My apologies, Master, I shall go into astral form if you wish."

In response, Dojo climbed up his Servants body until he was wrapped around his neck like a green scarf. "Nah, don't worry about it big guy. Long as you don't try to turn me into sushi with that carving knife of yours, we'll get along fine, yeah?"

Saber smirked a bit, "I shall endeavour to hold myself back, Master, also, if I may? Are these my fellow Servants?" Saber inquired. Motioning to the red mantled Archer, the lascivious Rider, and the bishounen Assassin.

"Yeah big guy. We all know each other's names by the buy so go ahead and introduce yourself."

"Dojo it's rude to ask him to introduce himself before the others do it," She then nudged her grandpa turned servant in the side motioning for him to go first.

Archer sighed, then adopted a sardonic smirk. "Servant Archer, Counter Guardian EMIYA at your service."

Assassin waved. "Yo, Assassin, Fuma Kotaro nice to meet you Saber-san."

"Servant Rider, Medusa, the Gorgon," Medusa's tone was quiet, clipped, and succinct.

Saber said nothing for a moment then spoke. "Siegfried of the Nibelungenlied, slayer of Fafnir."

"Whoah!" Kimiko said in amazement. "He's like, almost invincible. Nice one Dojo!" She held her hand out for a high five, which the dragon returned.

"Okay so, we've got Saber, Assassin, Archer, Rider, and whatever cueball summoned. That leaves us Master Fung and a seventh person," Raimundo counted off.

"Sounds about right," Clay commented. "Seeing as its Master Fung, I can't see him summoning a Berserker."

"Yeah so that leaves Caster and Berserker for Omi, and I don't see Omi summoning a berserker either. Too zennocent," Kimiko commented.

"Zennocent?" Raimundo asked.

Kimiko rolled her eyes. "Zen and innocent, duh," The Dragon of Fire was quick to continue, "Anyway, he likely summoned Caster or Lancer, which means whoever the sixth person is, they would be our Berserker summoner… oh crap," Kimiko said after a moment.

Clay tipped his hat up and asked, "What's wrong lil lady?"

"Who do we know that summoned a Berserker?" Kimiko said in a tone filled with dread.

The Xiaolin Dragons of Earth and Wind looked at each other for a moment before saying at the same time, "Spicer!"

The surgery was long and extensive but the first round that of replacing her bones with tungsten steel was done. "Berserker, can you hear me?" Jack asked, as he shifted the operating table ninety degrees.

Berserker breathed deeply for a moment and snapped her heterochromatic eyes open before she replied, "Yes… my Master."

"Excellent," Jack said, smiling evilly as he tapped the pads of his fingers together. "We did it Smithers!"

"Don't call me that," Wade Load said from his screen. "But yeah we totally did."

"Can I call you Lord Maul, maybe Count Dooku?"

"It's Master Windu or nothing…" Wade glanced around making sure he was alone before saying, "Motherfucker."

Jack burst out laughing upon hearing that. "Okay, that was wow. Go Wade."

"Stop toying around with the girl!" Wuya screeched, "Another Shen Gong Wu has activated. The Sword of the Storm! Go forth and retrieve it immediately!"

Jack rubbed the back of his head with the Monkey Staff which he was holding in his tail, "Umm, yeah about that, I can't exactly stop in the middle of a big overhaul like this, Berserker still needs a lot of work done before she's even close to modern standards, and Jack Spicer, boy genius doesn't half ass a job."

"So you're just going to let the Xiaolin Warriors get the Sword of the Storm, so you can continue modifying your Servant?" Wuya asked.

Jack sighed, "Wuya, you're not thinking long term. If I finish tuning up Berserker, her stats will raise, meaning she can take on bigger threats. However, I did come up with a contingency plan while I continued to work on Fran here."

"Ber-Ser-Ker, Master. Ber-Ser-Ker." Berserker corrected while pouting in such a way Jack considered it illegal.

"Right sorry, Berserker," Jack quickly apologized. "Anyway, this guy comes highly recommended by Henchco."

Suddenly the doorbell to his evil lair rang and Jack smiled, "Oh that must be him now. Jackbutler, show my guest inside please."

"Of course sir." the Jackbutler replied. It went to the door and returned shortly after with an overweight ninja, dressed in black garb, his gut overhanging from his dark garb, and a ninjato on his back. "Your guest sir."

"I am Tubbimura hai." He bowed to Jack.

Jack waved back. "Hey man, did you receive your docket from Henchco?"

Tubbimura bowed again, "Hai, Tubbimura is to go forth and collect Shen Gong Wu, hai."

"I say Jack, look at his gut," Wuya commented.

Jack whispered. "Wuya ixnay on the fatsay. it's not polite to point out someone's weight."

The ghost shook her head. "No you fool look!" She pointed out the fact that Tubbimura had three half circles around his belly button. "They are just like the marks on your hand. Meaning he too is a Master in this Grail War."

"Master, Grail War, hai?" Tubbimura asked, clearly confused.

"Dude, what's going on?" Wade asked.

"Wade, buddy, I'm gonna have to call you back," Jack said with a grin on his face as he cut Wade's feed. He then talked to the ninja, "Well Tubbimura, what if I told you I knew of a way to make your job a lot easier? All you'd have to do is work for me exclusively?"

"Then work for you I would hai," Tubbimura said with a nod. "I cannot help but wonder what it is you're talking about though, hai."

"Well," Jack said as he put his arm around the ninja, "It all has to do with a little something called a Holy Grail War."

Beep-boop-boop-beep

Kim heard her Kimmunicator go off and she said "Go Wade!"

"Hey Kim, Miss Tohomiko is on the line looking to talk to Omi, is he around?" Wade asked.

"As a matter of fact he is," She said as she watched him and Ron completely thrash the tweebs at Tekken V. "Is this a social call or something?"

Wade shook his head. "No, something about Xiaolin Monk business?"

Kim nodded. "Omi, Kimiko is calling for you some sort of monk thing?"

"I'll be right there!" He called pausing the game and rushing to Kim's side. "What seems to be the trouble Kimberly?"

"I don't know, why don't you find out?" She said handing him the Kimmunicator. Kimiko's face quickly popped up on the small screen.

"Omi! Are you okay?!" Kimiko asked worriedly.

Omi nodded."I am fine Kimiko, and yourself?"

The Dragon of Fire sighed, "Been better, but Dojo said another Shen Gong Wu activated, according to the scroll it's the Sword of the Storm and Dojo said you know a lot about it?"

"Oh yes, the Sword of the Storm is a particularly powerful Shen Gong Wu. It can create hurricane-like forces of air when spun in the user's grip. It is very important you do not try to physically attack with it as attempting to do so will turn the Sword of the Storm intangible and easily lost."

"Right, got it Omi…" Kimiko paused for a moment, looked away before she said, "I miss you, Omi. I can't wait for you to get back."

The little monk was momentarily stunned. He'd never had anyone say such words to him before, well except for when he briefly left and came back to Ashley… but with Kimiko it felt… deeper. "I shall be back soon. I have made many friends here in Middleton, it is an… interesting place."

"That's great! I look forward to hearing all about it." Kimiko replied. Due to how rapidly the background was moving behind her Omi quickly deduced they were on Dojo.

"When you land, tell me where you are, and my new friends and I shall come to help." Omi replied.

"Are you sure?" Kimiko asked hesitantly. "Aren't you honorbound or something to stay in Middleton?"

"Ashley!" Omi called, "My friends require assistance, may we go help them?!"

"Sure. sounds like fun. Where are we going little guy?" The blonde asked from her spot on the couch where she was trying to act like she wasn't listening in on his conversation.

Omi replied, "I do not know yet, but it makes me happy to know I can go assist when the time comes."

"Count Ron and me in too," Kim said leaning down into the camera, "I am technically still watching him."

"Oh, thank Miss Possible." Kimiko said, surprised.

Kim smiled, "No big, and call me Kim, Kimiko."

"Cool, at the rate we're going we'll be landing somewhere in the next ten minutes or so, seeya soon Omi." She sent her little friend a wink.

Omi smiled. "Goodbye Kimiko, be safe."

Handing the Kimmunicator back to the red haired heroine, he said, "It seems we will soon have a place to be."

"Ten minutes, just enough time to change into our mission gear." Kim noted. "But then we need some way to get there."

Omi held up a hand, Leave that to me, and Ashley," He turned to the blonde feme fatale, "You brought the Tiger Claws yes?"

Ashley rolled her eyes. "Do cat's go in a litter box?"

"I do not know what that is," Omi replied. "Do they?"

"The answer is yes Bromi," Ron said standing up and cracking his back before he ruffled Jim and Tim's hair. "Sorry guys, but duty calls."

"Aww," they said in stereo.

"Can we?" Jim began.

"Come with?" Tim finished.

Instead of Kim it was Omi who answered them first. "I am afraid not my friends, we are about to enter my world and if one is not properly prepared it can be quite dangerous, lethally so to the unprepared."

"But you're going, and so is Ashely," Tim pointed out.

Omi did a backflip and stood on his hands. "Your sister, Ronald and myself and Ashely can handle ourselves."

"You, sis, and Ashley sure, but Ron?" Jim question.

"Words, words are hurtful Jim," Ron said in mock hurt.

"Mikon! What's going on?!" Mizukume said as she all but bounded into the room, Sangzang right behind her.

"Mother, something has come up and my friends require assistance. We shall be leaving soon." Omi replied. "Jimmy and Timothy wish to come with us, but they cannot."

Anne followed the other two women into the livingroom, "Boy's you can't go out with Omi and the others."

"But Mom!" They complained in stereo.

"Is this dangerous Omi dear?" Anne asked.

"Without proper skill in kung-fu, I fear for their safety, Miss Possible." Omi replied, "Though Jack Spicer seems to handle himself just fine regardless."

"Spicer, if he shows up all the time then we should…" The Tweebs began only to be cut off by their mother.

"Boy's, if Omi says it's too dangerous then I'm inclined to believe the magical kung-fu monk. You'll stay here and wait for him to come back." Anne said figuratively putting her foot down. She smiled at the others. "You'd best go get ready dears."

"Thank you Miss Possible." Omi replied with a bow. He told the put out twins. "If you wish to help, then first you must learn how to defend yourselves somehow. I cannot in good conscience let you come with us." He then looked to the others. "We should go get ready."

"Yeah, later tweebs." Kim said as she ruffled their hair affectionately.

Tim looked at Jim. "Hicka bicka boo?"

"Who sha!"

They then raced up the stairs. Anne shook her head. "Boys."

Kimko and the others landed on the golden sandy beaches of Monte Carlo. The tide was going out leaving all manner of debris on the beach. Raimundo felt like he was back in Rio and said as much. "The surf here looks almost as good as my hometown of Rio."

"That's cool Rai, but we're not here to surf, we're here to find a magical object that can create tornadoes, remember?" Kimiko reminded him doing her best not to roll her eyes. 'After I just got done telling him off for not taking this seriously too.'

"Yeah, yeah, let's go find this thing. It's gotta be nearby right?" Raimundo replied shortly, the sound of the surf was calling to him like a siren's song.

"It… Achoo!" Dojo sneezed, he acted like he had a cold. "Should be close I think. I can't tell because my sniffer is on the fritz."

"Master," Siegfried said leaning down in concern to look at his now lizard sized master, "Are you going to be alright?"

Dojo patted his servant on the shoulder before he coiled himself around his neck. "I'll be fine big guy, I always… I always get like… achoo! Get like this when a Shen Gong Wu activates, don't worry."

The swordsman nodded. "As you say master."

Kimiko, smiled as she finished sending a text. "Alright, I just texted Kim our address, so Omi should be here soon."

Just as she finished saying that, the sound of ripping cloth was heard, and out of a grey portal came Omi, wielding the Golden Tiger Claws, and he was quickly followed by an older pink-haired girl with hazel eyes, Katnappe and a platinum blonde pale woman in a red dress, Kim Possible, her sidekick Ron Stoppable, along with a well endowed woman following in his wake.

"Master, three of those women are Servants," Archer whispered, getting in front of her defensively.

"My, my, your Servant is quite protective isn't he?" the pink-haired woman asked a slightly jagged smile on her face.

"Any half decent Servant would be, this is a grail war after all." Archer quickly returned.

Caster just stared at the servant. Then, her eyes narrowed. "What was that? Caster was fairly sure she misheard you over the surf Nameless-san."

Archer blinked. "Nameless? I… have we met?" He asked, feeling a sudden sense of nostalgia as he stared at the girl in front of him.

Now it was Caster's turn to smirk. "Perhaps, once upon a time, it's not Casters fault if you can't remember mikon."

That word 'mikon' sounded familiar for some reason, he just couldn't place why or where. Archer gave his head a shake. 'It doesn't matter.' He told himself. Instead he addressed the other two Servants. "The boy has summoned our side's Caster which means the both of you are, or should be the enemy correct?"

The chinese woman spoke up, shaking her head. "No actually. This one is the Ruler, the rule moderator for this Holy Grail War, Archer of Xiaolin."

Archer quirked an eyebrow. "Archer of Xiaolin huh?"

Ruler shrugged. "It makes sense. Since a majority of you are on the side of the Xiaolin Dragons as I've heard Omi explain it, I've termed this Grail War the Xiaolin-Heylin Apocrypha Grail War."

Assassin pointed at Ashley, "So if you're Ruler, then what does that make her?"

It was Omi who answered. "She is the Master of Rider of Heylin and she and I have a nonaggression pact. No harm shall come to her while she's here. I do hope I make myself clear?" The little monk phrased it like a question yet his tone made it sound like an order.

Kim stepped between the two groups. "Okay everyone, just settle down, let's just focus on finding the potentially world ending object for the moment shall we? Maybe kill each other later?"

Suddenly, Archer was in front of her all but looming over her, his steel grey eyes bored into her green ones. "You're very brave, not only being a mere human getting involved in things she can't even begin to comprehend, but also attempting to order us around."

"And for whose supposed to be a Heroic Spirit, you're coming off as little more than a two bit bully." Kim replied evenly.

Archer scoffed. "That's where you're wrong. I'm no hero girl," Archer leaned back when a wall of ice formed between him and the girl. He glanced past the redhead at the bald monk.

"You shall step away from Kimberly please…" Omi waited a heartbeat before he said, "I will not repeat myself."

Archer smirked a bit. He doubted the boy could actually hurt him, even with his shitty magic resistance, still, he admired his courage. He took three large steps back. "So, we're looking for a sword, correct?"

Before Omi could open his mouth to respond, he had the air all but squeezed out of him by a black and red missile. Kimiko was hugging him for all she was worth. "Omi-chan! How've you been?" She shot the blonde cat burglar a glare as she asked, "Has Katnappe been taking good care of you?"

"Hello Kimiko," Omi squeaked out, with what little air he still had in his lungs. "I missed you too," He pulled away just enough to get some air in his lungs before he replied, "Also, yes, Katnappe has been showing me the scenery. We went crawling through the mall which didn't involve as much crawling as I expected, I've seen and critiqued many movies on kung-fu, and found the glory that is the Naco."

"Amen Bromi," Ron said. "So uhh, maybe we should split up to cover more ground? It's kinda a big beach yeah?"

"An excellent idea Ronald!" Omi replied, "I shall cover the ocean in case it is under the waves. "Perhaps you could try searching along the shore with Raimundo or go on that large wheel over yonder to get a birds eye view of the area?"

Kimiko giggled. "That's a Ferris wheel Omi, but that's not a bad idea. Archer, head on up there and see if you can spot anything shiny would you?" Seeing the grimace he was giving, Kimiko gave him a nudge, "Go on, the little kitty and her pet aren't going to do anything."

"Watch it spitfire or you'll find out this kitty has claws," Ashley all but hissed, while her Servant just frowned at being called a pet.

"I think the ladies and I will go search under the pier over there," Kim said hastily.

"I'll come with ya if that's alright Miss Possible." Clay said with the tip of his hat.

Kim smiled. "That's just fine, Clay right?"

"Yes ma'am."

Kim punched Clay in the arm. "Kim is fine, ma'am is so my mom."

"Right then, lead the way lil lady," Clay said motioning towards the pier in the distance.

As the ladies and Clay walked away, with Carmilla's mechanical dogs sniffing the sand the whole way, Omi scratched his bald head and asked himself. "What was all that about?"

Ron laughed, "Um, Bromi, I think they were fighting over you dude."

Omi pointed at himself. "Me, why? I am not a Shen Gong Wu."

Ron just rubbed Omi's bald head. "Too pure for this world truly." He then turned to Raimundo. "Alright dude, we got a beach to search, so let's get to it."

Raimundo sighed. "Kay, I'd rather be on a board searching the waves though."

"You can catch yummy casks later Raimundo, for now, we must find the Sword of the Storm, and water is my element so please, leave it to me, and focus on listening to the wind to find the Sword of the Storm. It should, in theory, call out to you more than any of us as it is a wind-type Shen Gong Wu," Omi informed him.

"It's catch tasty barrels, and I grew up around the ocean so I know it pretty well myself, melon head," Raimundo retorted, then he pointed at Caster. "Also, she's your Servant?"

Omi nodded smiling, "Yes, she is! She is most kind too, why do you ask?"

"Excuse me I need to go cuse up a storm."

"Raimundo summoning up a storm right now would be very counterproductive when we are looking for a Shen Gong Wu that does just that." Omi opined.

Ron though knew exactly what the brazilian teen meant. "Okay, time to find a destructive magic sword, let's go beach bum," Ron said, dragging Raimundo off. Leaving Omi and Caster alone on the beach. Omi turned to his Servant and surrogate mother. "I honestly don't know what Raimundo's problem is, but I'm beginning to get the feeling he doesn't like me all that much."

Caster patted him on the shoulders. "There, there Erzi. If he doesn't play nice I'll just render the flesh from his bones and feed them to the sharks yes?"

Omi shook his head. "No, despite his donkey-like attitude, he is still a Xiaolin Dragon, and thus deserves patience. I'm sure he'll go around as the saying goes."

"He'd better come around," Caster muttered, as she cracked the knuckles in her fist as she clenched her fist, "Or he and I shall have words."

Under the pier, Kimko and Ashely were trying to claw each other's eyes out. Medusa was keeping Carmilla from getting involved, and by that, we mean killing Kimiko right away with a flick of her finger, while Kim was holding off Carmillia's now murderous attack dogs. Leaving Clay to separate the now murderous girls.

"You kidnapped him you blonde bimbo!" Kimiko yelled, fire literally flying from her mouth as she spoke.

"I just wanted to hang out with him for a bit because Jack is such a worrywart," Ashley rebutted. "Seriously, he threatened to taze me for no reason."

"You tried to kidnap children. Also, lolicon much."

"I am not a lolicon, I just like small cute things… just like you, right?" The blonde thief said with a smirk.

That set the Dragon of Fire off and she threw herself at the older girl. They rolled across the sand and came to a stop with Kimiko on top. Since she was trained in kenpo after all. She pulled her fist back to punch Ashely in the eye only to be lifted bodily into the air.

"Alright that's enough of that," Clay said. He then hefted Ashely to her feet and forcibly held her away from his surrogate little sister. "That's enough outta both a ya. Yer fightin' more than chicks in a nest over grub." He looked to Ashley, then to Kimiko. "Now, Ah know you both got a thing for the lil guy, and that's great!" Caly smiled. "He deserves all the affection he can get far as Ah'm concerned. Right now though, we got bigger fish to fry, that bein' finding that Shen Gong Wu. So do ya think you two kin get along long enough to find the dang thing?" He looked between one then the other, first Kimiko, then Ashely.

The two girls nodded, refusing to meet the cowboy's eyes. He nodded as well and then let them both go then he turned to his Servant. "Rider, Ah think you can let Assassin go yeah?"

Medusa did so, and the woman let off a shrill whistle calling off her mechanical hounds, the redhead cheerleader sighed. "Phew, I was starting to work up a bit of a sweat there," Kim then turned to the girls. "Look girls, I get it, Omi… he's a sweetheart in a naive kinda way."

Ashley and Kimiko looked at the teen superheroine, and Ashely smirked before she said, "Oh, me~ow, I'm not the only one who has a crush on the little guy am I?"

"I admire his dedication and skill in the martial arts," Kim rebutted while looking away, "Plus I watched him cut down a hole through a five inch thick titanium door!" Kim retorted. "You'd have to have insanely high standards not to be impressed after not seeing something like that."

"Omi did something like that… with his water element I'm guessing?" Kimiko asked.

The teen heroine nodded. "He did, he called it simple something he mastered a long time ago. He may lack commonsense and not know idioms, but when it comes to martial arts and his skill with that chi stuff," Kim scoffed and shook her head. "He's practically a one man wrecking crew."

"He's… never shown anything so advanced when we spar." Kimiko muttered to herself loud enough to be heard.

Kim shrugged. "He probably didn't want to show off."

Kimiko shook her head. "You don't know Omi, when we first showed up at the Temple he was all arrogance and pride. He had no idea what wifi was and… well we had to show him a lot of things, and still do."

"There's a difference between pride and arrogance. Plus he's never met other people his own age before you guys right?" Kim questioned, "Of course he was excited."

"True," Kimiko admitted. "I would also like to add he got his advice on women from a book from the sixteen hundreds."

"Oh… well that's not good," Kim replied. Yet she noted Omi didn't seem egotistical.

"Don't worry, Ah set him straight," Clay said.

"You did yes thank you for that," Kimiko acknowledged.

"No problem now let's find that sword y'all, you'd think it'd stand out more than snow in july."

"Master, a word if I may?" Rider asked as they started looking beneath the pier. Clay noticed how shy Rider was being right now and wondered what she wanted.

"Sure," Clay and Medusa moved to a corner and his usually taciturn servant spoke. "I… did not wish for you to find out about my identity in such an… abrupt manner. I am a monster that much is true, but there was… extenuating circumstances to that as well."

"Don't worry 'bout that none Rider," Clay said, lifting his hat up a bit. "Yer past is yer own, and well, not really none o' my business who you were. What matters is who you are. I kin trust you protect me an' my friends right?"

Rider nodded. "Yes."

"Then that's all Ah really care about if I'm bein' honest. Some folk, they may care bout things like someone havin' a past as dark as midnight, but me?" Clay shook his head, "I don' care. It's not about who you were, it's bout who ya are now an what you do now," Clay pointed at the ground as he said this, "So, what're you gonna do Rider?"

The ghost of a smile appeared on the Servant of the Mount's lips though it was semi dark under the pier so Clay might've just been seeing things. "I shall fight and defend you and yours master."

"That's all that matters then. An please quit callin' me Master. Clay'll do just fine Ah told ya."

Medusa the Gorgon nodded and almost savored what she said next, "As you say… Clay."

This earned a smile from the cowboy. "There ya go." He then raised his voice a bit. "Ah don't think that the Sword of the Storm is here ladies."

Kimiko sighed. "Your right Clay, it's not. I wonder if Archer has found anything."

'Master,' Archer chimed in at that exact second, 'Assassin has engaged an enemy Servant. Unless my eyes deceive me, it is a Lancer.'

"Oh crap," Kimiko said. She told the others, "We need to go now, Raimundo and Ron are in trouble."

Ron and Raimundo walked down the beach, the brazilian with his hands in his pockets, and Ron with his behind his head. The blonde decided to break the silence. "Okay man, what's you're sitch with Bromi?"

Raimundo looked at Ron, eyebrow raised, "Sitch?"

"Situation, beef, issue," Ron elaborated. "You clearly have some kinda problem with him and I kinda wanna know what it is so I can help you be chill around the guy."

Raimundo scoffed. "He just acts like an insufferable little know-it-all when it comes to this Shen Gong Wu and kung-fu stuff. He acts all so holier than thou and I'm getting sick of it."

"Dude," Ron said flatly, "Bromi from how I've come to understand it, that's literally all he knows. Kung-fu, magical artifacts, and music that's pretty much his whole life. He didn't grow up with a loving family, brothers and sisters, or with modern tech like you, me or anyone else did. He's practically someone from a third world country. So can't you just let him be good at what he's good at? I mean, will that kill you dude?"

Raimundo sighed, "I guess not, he's still an annoying little brat though. I mean he can't even tell when I'm just messing around with Kimiko."

"Ah… now it all makes sense," Ron said with a grin.

"What?" The Dragon of the Wind asked defensively.

The sidekick was quick to comment. "You like Kimiko, but the feeling isn't mutual, that about right?"

"Shut up man," Raimundo said darkly. "Also how is it fair that everyone but me gets a supermodel for a Servant?"

"Karma?" Ron guessed.

Raimundo rolled his eyes. "Ha ha very funny blondie. You should really consider taking your act on the road."

Ron just laughed his comment off. "I've considered it man, but seriously though, this sword, any idea what it looks like."

"Like a sword, duh." Raimundo replied, "I'm sure Omi being the Master of Water that he is will find it soon enou-omph!"

As he said that, he tripped over something. "Dude, I got wiped out by driftwood."

Ron pointed at said piece of driftwood. "That's not driftwood Dudemundo."

No it wasn't. For sticking out of the sand was the curving hilt of a sword.

Rai looked at Ron. "You don't think it could be?"

"What else could it be?" Ron retorted. Before going over and unearthing the object in full.

It was a bronze shamshir with a serrated edge that had a triangular hole cut out near its tip and engravings going down the length of the blade. Ron held it up and couldn't help but think, 'This thing is giving off the same feeling as the Lotus Blade.' He turned to Raimundo. "I think we found it!"

"Sword of the Storm hai. Hand it over now hai," A voice called from atop a nearby sandune.

Looking over, Ron and Raimundo saw a rather husky ninja standing alongside him was a man wearing a red jacket underneath a grey fur coat, black pants and martial artist shoes much like Raimundo wore around the temple. He had a Qiang, a chinese spear with a red cloth tied near the broad bladed head, being held lazily in one hand. He had messy red hair pulled back in a ponytail, and a thin if chisels physique.

"Who the heck are you?" Raimundo called out.

"You're opponent hai. Tubbimura and Lancer hai," The ninja introduced.

Lancer turned to his master. "Permission to retrieve the Shen Gong Wu, Master?"

Tubbimura nodded. "Permission granted, hai."

Lancer moved in a burst of speed that kicked up a cloud of sand. There was a split second of silence that was suddenly broken by the clash of steel on steel as Raimundo's Assassin had interposed both himself and his blades in between himself and Ron.

"You may be here to collect the Shen Gong Wu, but you shall leave Young Wukong out of this!" Ruler rebuked the Lancer of Heylin. "He and I are the proper moderators of this war and shall be treated with the respect we are due."

The Lancer jumped back and nodded respectfully towards Ruler, "It will be as you say O Buddha of Sandalwood Merit," He then looked to Ron, "If you would be so kind as to toss the Sword into the sand between us and step back moderator I'd be most thankful," He then pointed his spear towards Assassin and smirked.

"Assassin, can you take him?" Raimundo asked.

Fuma Kotaro was silent for a moment before he nodded. "Yes, he isn't as strong as a Lancer ought to be… nor am I as weak as an Assassin should be either." He replied with a smirk of his own.

"Ruler, what do I do?" Ron asked warily.

Ruler released a sigh. "This situation has now escalated to now be an official matter of the Grail War, thus it is not our place to participate, but to make sure the rules are being followed, Young Wukong. Drop the blade and retreat."

Ron, with some reluctance, did just that. Dropping the Shen Gong Wu in the sand and backing towards Ruler.

Assassin and Lancer eyed each other up, neither said anything for a moment… then a breeze blew in off the ocean and the two inhuman warriors burst into action. Both were blurs of motion, striking at speeds that would put cheetah's to shame over and over again and again, dozens of blows were exchanged in a matter of seconds, and when the two landed on the sand once again, each was covered in minor cuts but Lancer had far more than Assassin did, yet despite that, he was grinning.

"You're faster, faster than me," Lancer complimented.

"And you are more durable than I," Assassin replied, his voice calm.

"Hahahaha! This is fun isn't it? Fighting an opponent you know is strong to the death?" Lancer cajoled before his spear danced, the red cloth flashing in a blur as he poked and prodded at Assassin, who for his part kicked up a spray of sand before disappearing using Presence Concealment.

"Hey, hey Assassin, this is hardly fair!" Lancer called out. He then turned to Raimundo with a steely glint in his eyes. "If you don't come out and fight me, who's going to protect your master huh?"

Raimundo gulped he saw Servants fight for the first time and he knew he was way out of his league. "Umm, Assassin a little help, please?!"

Help came in the form of streaks of crimson light descending from the heavens like hominging missiles aimed at Lancer. The Servant of the Spear used his weapon like a polevualt to flip away from the barrage and to safety. Lancer glared into the distance, "Tch, an Archer."

Upon the Ferris Wheel, the red clad bowman smirked. "Ah Lancers, so fun to shoot at," He said to himself as he readied another arrow.

As Tubbimura watched from atop his sandune, he suddenly drew his sword and deflected a thrown kunai aimed at his neck. "You reveal yourself when you strike with your intent to kill, hai."

Assassin popped into existence, a slight scowl on his usually smiling face. "You've been trained in the arts."

"Hai, trained on my father's side in the Iga ninja arts hai, my mother's side taught me the way of the sumo, hai."

Assassin's smile returned. "Well then descendant of the Iga, shall we dance?" Assassin asked as he drew the fuma shuriken his clan's namesake off of his back.

"No thank you, hai," Tubbimura replied, "I know that I am no match for you, hai. I can detect you well enough, hai, but to fight you would be a fool's errand, and that is not my mission hai." Tubbimura then jumped off the sandune and slammed into Raimundo with all the force of a falling comet. He then got up and collected the Sword of the Storm. "Mission complete, hai. Come Lancer we're leaving hai."

"But master, our enemies are still…"

"Raimundo, Ron!" voices called as they raced down the beach. One group was coming from down the shoreline, but another pair was that of a small bald boy riding a half frozen ocean wave standing atop the frozen current next to him was what could only be a Caster with the paper talismans that she was holding between her fingers each radiating pure elemental power.

"Alive," Lancer deadpanned. "Yes, I do believe it is time to leave." He turned and glared at Assassin, "I'll be looking for you on the battlefield Assassin," he then glared in the direction the arrows were coming from, "You as well Archer."

"Looking forward to it," Both Archer and Assassin replied unknowingly at the same time.

Tubbimura and Lancer retreated leaving the Shaolin side to suffer their first defeat, and a foul wind continued to grow within the heart of the Dragon of the Dragon of the Wind.

Chapter Length: 18,058 words Number of pages: 45 Date Completed: 6/17/2020

AN: Hello one and all and Welcome to Xiaolin Grail War Ch.3! It had a little bit of everything for everyone. Humor, Servant fights, seriousness, comedy, the works. For those of you wondering, Jackie Chan and co will become more involved starting next chapter. Also Snowy can't come to the Authors Note right now as he's passed out from exhaustion from editing this chapter, but he got it done, so he's free to pass out all he wants as far as I'm concerned. Lol no but seriously folks he's fine. He and I are both powered by reviews so Feed the Beast! Also I have a so give if you so feel like, or don't its like whatever. Till next time Ladies Gentlemen and Others this has been a Bubbajack and IcySnowSage Production! Peace!