I'll Get It Back

I don't want to know

Who we are without each other

It's just too hard

I don't want to leave here without you

…

I don't want to lose part of me

Will I recover that broken piece?

Let it go and unleash all the feelings

…

Did we ever see it coming?

Will we ever let it go?

…

We are buried in broken dreams

We are knee-deep without a plea

I don't want to know

What it's like to live without you

Don't want to know

The other side of a world without you

…

The Other Side — Ruelle

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Eren Jaeger didn't have time to think about romance. In the chaotic world in which he lived, and in the circumstances he was inserted, even having time to breathe could be considered a privilege. Being alive, and struggling to stay that way, was all that mattered. But when he found himself imagining the future he wanted, or longing for the moment when his family would be complete again, Mikasa was the only one that appeared in his mind.

He was always eager to take another step forward regarding the future of humanity. The burden on his shoulders was too heavy to bear, and often he could not even sleep; his desire for this to end was always there, trampling him, making him desperate for change and results.

Eren was human, after all. Although he possessed titan powers, his mundane nature would always be predominant. And as such, he couldn't help but be overwhelmed by that flood of feelings. Eren knew that he couldn't escape his own conscience, which kept charging him with something that, most of the time, was not under his control. His only relief was that he wasn't alone, that he had precious friends to count on. When he remembered this, he realized it has no use suffering in anticipation, things would happen when they had to happen — even if he needed to force certain situations.

So when the free nights came — which didn't really happen very often —, he finally allowed himself to stop and lie down. Exhaustion kept him company into the dawn, and all he could think of, trying to escape the demands that his own mind imposed, was in the future.

What would things be like when all this was over? That is, if he were still alive... How would he want them to be? And, as something beyond his comprehension, he remembered her.

"Eren… When we recover Wall Maria… and defeat all the enemies that attack us… Will we be able to return? Return to those days…?"

No. As much as he wanted to, things could not be as before... He was fully aware of that. Much happened and changed so far. Nothing else was the same. They were not the same. But because that was his wish, and especially hers, he would do everything to make it come true.

Because it was she who was by his side from the beginning.

It was with Mikasa that Eren shared various kinds of moments, good or bad — though tragedy prevailed in their lives most of the time. But he still remembered when, both sitting at the table watching his mother humming as she prepared dinner, the girl turned and her eyes brightened. Then a kind, quiet smile came to her small lips. It was the first time he had seen Mikasa with such a comfortable expression. "This is fun," she said. And for that troublemaker, friendless boy, knowing she liked his company was like earning the best of compliments.

Whenever Eren was about to collapse, it was she who caught him and lifted him up, encouraging him to continue. The day he found out that Annie was a traitor, for instance... It wasn't exactly something he liked to remember. It was on that fateful day that he had a reality shock, realizing that he shouldn't distribute his confidence so easily.

However, his heart calmed when he thought of Mikasa. He could put all his trust in her and he knew he would never be disappointed. When he was hopeless, about to give in and give up his weapons, it was Mikasa who brought him back to reason. And if that day she hadn't done that, maybe he would still hesitate... And surely things would've gotten complicated.

In the end, Mikasa Ackerman was always there, whether in moments of peace or in the present times of tragedy. And he couldn't wish it to be any different.

It was she who propelled him to the fight. Always forward. He often couldn't stand being protected, because he thought that was his role — as it was the day they met —, not hers. He wanted to be ahead of her, to be her defensive wall, yet it was he who was constantly behind, trying to reach her. It annoyed him many times because he hated feeling worthless. He wanted to be strong enough to protect her. But even when he took his frustrations out on her, Mikasa never gave up or drifted away.

She was grateful that he had taught her how to live, for not letting her give up, for wrapping that scarf around her… Little did she know that he was most grateful for all these things. Because, in fact, he was the only one saved by her. Mikasa was the physical form of his sanity, and being with her, having her by his side, was enough for him to move on.

"I'll wrap you up in it again. Again and again. Forever," he had said. Because forever was his definitive answer to how he felt about her. It was proof that no matter what the circumstances, they would always be together.

Mikasa was not his sister, much less a mother figure, but she was his family. She was his support, his warmth… Something like a fort where he sought refuge. A safe haven. He would always come home for her, where he belonged. Because he belonged wherever she was, whether in presence or even in memory.

She was the only one who had his all.

His responsibilities were always knocking on his mind's door, always reminding him that he had duties to do. However, it was when night came and everything fell silent, and when all the lights went out, that he could plunge into himself and revisit his deepest and unspoken desires.

A home to return to, and a family to say "I'm back". And whatever scene he conjectured, Mikasa was always the main protagonist.

He wasn't sure when he began to feel that way about her, because in the end he was still someone with many other things to think about, much more to worry about. But that's how it happened and that's how he saw her.

Things could never be as they were before, that was a fact. They would be forever marked by the pain, hatred, and suffering of the present. But those times… Those days when they lived as a family, when they dreamed and the world was too small for them, when they were young and the worries of their days were totally different… He would bring them back. He would catch 'em and cling to them in an iron grip, never letting go. He would do his best to put an end to that war that had been waged for centuries.

And it didn't matter if Eren didn't have time to think about romance. Because, after all, it would always be her. Mikasa. She was the only one engraved in his heart in such a way. There was no one who represented to him everything she was or would be.

He loved her deeply.

"No matter what happens, or how much time passes... Everything we lose... I'll get it back."

That was his decision. And the rest of his days would be totally devoted to that.