"Ava, the kids are awake," Alfie murmured, nestling his face into his wife's neck. "Fuckin' hell, you're hotter than a whore in church."

Ava groaned and mumbled something but Alfie didn't catch what she said. Sitting up, Alfie looked down and grimaced when he saw she was soaked with sweat and her skin was all mottled.

"Ava, love, you alright?" He brushed her dampened hair back from her face. "I don't think you're very well, love."

"I'm fine," she mumbled before snoring deeply.

Alfie looked over at Jacob who was stood up in his cot, staring at him with a bemused expression upon his little face.

"I reckon your Mum aint so well, little man," Alfie said, grunting as he stood up and his hip threatened to give out. Hobbling over to the cot, Alfie scooped Jacob up, grinning when his little hands gripped onto Alfie's beard. "You gonna help me look after your sisters today? Cos I reckon they're gonna be little buggers, don't you?"

Jacob giggled and Alfie grinned at him. "Yeah, they run rings around Mummy all day, but they aint got no chance with us, have they?"

Alfie of course couldn't have been anymore wrong. From the very second he got out of the bedroom with Jacob in his arms, chaos ensued. Raisa and Hannah were fighting over what colour bow to put around Cyril's neck, and Raisa had Hannah's little doll ready to rip the head off of it if she didn't get her own way. Hannah was screaming that if Raisa murdered her doll she would rip up Hannah's favourite purple dress. Meanwhile, Cyril was sat on the bedroom floor, his head resting on his paws with a look that told Alfie this was a frequent occurrence.

"Here's an idea," Alfie commanded their attention. "How about just for today we leave Cyril alone and refrain from murderin' dolls or shreddin' up dresses, and let's go and get some breakfast, yeah?"

"But Cyril always likes to wear a bow in the mornings," Hannah frowned.

"Well, I reckon for today he'll survive without," Alfie reassured her. "Now come on, get your bums down the stairs so I can make breakfast."

Breakfast was a whole other debacle in itself. Hannah wanted eggs that were runny but not too runny; Raisa wanted cereal but the milk couldn't be too cold and Jacob just wanted everything he saw.

"Mummy, doesn't put my eggs on this plate," Hannah frowned as Alfie placed the pink patterned plate in front of her.

"But that's your favourite plate, Hannah," Alfie answered. "Mummy always gives you that plate when we have dinner."

"Yes cos it's my favourite dinner plate," Hannah looked at him as though he was an idiot. "But for breakfast I like to have a normal plate."

"Right, ok," Alfie nodded, taking a 'normal' plate out of the cupboard and putting Hannah's eggs onto it. She pulled a face and pushed the way plate away making Alfie frown. "What's wrong now?"

"I can't have these eggs because they touched the other plate."

"But they're on a normal plate now."

"Yes but they touched my dinner plate and now they're contaminated."

Alfie blinked, resisting the urge to scowl at his youngest daughter whose face was a picture of seriousness.

"Hannah, just eat up your eggs, love," he said calmly.

"Nope," she shook her head. "I won't eat them."

"Right, fine," Alfie took the plate and chucked it in the sink. "Don't eat them then."

"But I'm hungry," her bottom lip wobbled. "I'm really hungry, Daddy."

"So why didn't you eat the eggs I just gave you?"

"I told you why," she sighed with an awful lot of exasperation for such a small child.

"Yes, yes, I know," Alfie tutted. "Cos they touched the other plate. Right, put that bottom lip away and I'll make you some more eggs now, ok?"

"Thank you, Daddy," she grinned.

"You're welcome, princess," he kissed the top of her head.

Fresh eggs on the correct plate, and once again everyone was happy. They made it halfway through breakfast before Jacob decided to pick up his bowl of porridge and plop it on top of his head.

"Oh fuckin' hell," Alfie sighed, getting up to clean his delinquent of a son.

"Fuckin' hell," Raisa mimicked perfectly, making Hannah burst out into fits of giggles.

"Oi," Alfie pointed his finger at her. "If I catch you sayin' that again, I'm gonna wash your mouth out with soap young lady."

"Well, you always say it," Raisa pouted sullenly.

"That's cos I'm a grown up," Alfie replied. "Which means I can say what I want, don't it?"

"That's not fair," Raisa stamped her foot under the table. "It's not my fault that I was born a hundred years after you, was it?"

"A hundred years? How old do you think I am?"

"One thousand," Hannah giggled. "Cos you gots lotsa grey hair in your beard and you always fall asleep in your armchair after dinner."

"Cheeky bugger," Alfie narrowed his eyes playfully. "I might have to eat you for that."

"No eat me instead, Daddy," Raia squealed, clapping excitedly.

"No eat me!" Hannah shouted. "I'm the one who called you old!"

An argument broke out between the girls as they tried to vie for Alfie's attention and amidst it all, Jacob babbled and smeared porridge all over his body and the highchair.

"Stop!" Alfie shouted making them all silence immediately. "Right you little hooligans, enough of this. Christ almighty, no wonder your mum's always knackered by the end of the day if this is just what breakfast's like."

"Where is Mummy?" Raisa frowned, suddenly realising that Ava wasn't there this morning.

"She's poorly so I'm lookin' after yas today," Alfie answered.

"Is Mummy going to die?" Hannah asked wide eyed. "I don't want Mummy to die."

"Me neither," Raisa burst into tears. "She promised to braid my hair for Livvy's party next week."

"Well it's lovely to know that you'd only miss your mum for her hair braidin' talents," Alfie tittered. "But calm your little heads cos she's not dyin'. She's got a bit of the flu or summit. She needs a couple of days to rest and she'll be right as rain, so for today I'm gonna look after you."

"Can we go to the park?" Raisa asked, her upset now long forgotten.

"Yeah!" Hannah cheered. "Let's go to the park and get ice cream and feed the ducks."

"Quack quack," Jacob grinned.

"That's right, little man," Alfie smiled, picking Jacob up and taking him out of the high chair. "Let's go and get you changed and then we can all go to the park for an hour or two."

…

The park was a disaster from start to finish. Raisa got her hair caught in the chains of the swing; Hannah fell into the duck pond; and Jacob decided to try and eat a live worm. Then there had been uproar because the ice cream shop only had two flavours and neither were Raisa's favourites so she had a stinking tantrum, which then resulted in Jacob screaming blue murder because he wanted his dad's attention too. Hannah also tried to kidnap a little duckling because she thought it was adorable and would go well with her stuffed toy collection.

Alfie was exhausted by the time he got home and made them lunch. Lunch. Just the very word now gave Alfie shivers. As if breakfast hadn't have been bad enough of an ordeal. No, lunch was ten times worse. Apparently Mummy always cut the crusts off the sandwiches and she always cuts them into special shapes. And Mummy never never ever makes them eat any fruit or vegetables with their lunch and instead lets them eat as many biscuits as they want. Alfie of course didn't believe this for even a second, but was willing to pretend he did just to avoid the battle that would undoubtedly ensue if he said no.

After lunch- no, he still couldn't say it, therefore it had now been renamed the noon meal- Jacob cried and fussed about going down for his afternoon nap until eventually his tiredness defeated him. Alfie checked on Ava and was happy to find her temperature had gone down somewhat, but she was still fast asleep so he left her to enjoy her rest. And bloody hell, didn't she need it?! These kids were hard work.

By the time he got downstairs again, the living room and the hallway looked like a bomb had gone off in a toy factory. Alfie wasn't aware that the girls even owned that many toys, nor that they could create such chaos in such a short amount of time. And with such quietness as well. Their stealth was actually rather alarming if truth be told.

"What the bloody hell is all this mess about?" he frowned at them. "Looks like a right pigsty in here. I want this all cleaned up right now."

"Well, it's not my mess," Raisa stuck her bottom lip out and crossed her arms over her chest.

"It's not my mess either," Hannah copied her older sister perfectly.

"I don't care whose mess it is," Alfie raised his eyebrow at the two of them. "But if it's not tidied up in the next ten minutes then I'm gonna put all the toys in the bin."

"You can't do that!" Hannah was outraged.

"Who says I can't?"

"I'm going to tell Mummy you're being horrible," Hannah stamped her foot.

"You go up those stairs Hannah bear and you can stay up there all day in your bedroom," Alfie warned her. "And I won't even call you down when it's supper time."

"But I would starve to death if you didn't feed me supper," Hannah exclaimed.

"Well, that would be your own fault for not listenin' then, wouldn't it?"

Hannah paused on the bottom step and thought for a moment. Begrudgingly she came down and began picking up toys, scowling at Alfie on her way past. When Raisa got up to help, Alfie grinned to himself feeling victorious.

Little did he know that his minute victory would be short lived.

It was around three in the afternoon, and Alfie was sat playing dominos with Raisa and Hannah, and Jacob was sat on his knee watching with fascination and occasionally trying to grab one of the dominos. Ava was still in bed. She'd drunk a little and she had tried to eat a few mouthfuls of dry toast, and then had fallen back asleep once Alfie had reassured her that the children were fine. And actually they were. The afternoon had been pleasant and he was thoroughly enjoying his time with the kids. He often felt like he didn't get enough of it because he was always working. Perhaps he should take time off more often to be with them.

But no sooner had that thought crossed his mind then did Hannah throw a domino at Raisa's face because she thought Raisa was cheating. And just like that the magic moment was broken as all hell broke loose. Jacob burst into tears as Raisa and Hannah began fighting like little animals and Alfie had to break them apart before they really hurt one another. Just as he got them both sat at opposite ends of the room and Jacob settled in his arms, the phone started ringing and Alfie wanted to scream. Even more so when he heard Ollie on the other end of the line.

…

"Uncle Ollie!" Hannah screeched, tearing off through the bakery and all but knocking Ollie over in an attempt to reach him before Raisa did.

"Hello girls," Ollie smiled warmly. "Are you both having a nice day with Daddy?"

"Oh yes. We've been to the park and got ice cream and then we played with our toys and then we played dominos with Daddy and then Daddy got all angry because he had to bring us here because our Mummy is poorly and you couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery," Hannah nodded enthusiastically, barely pausing to take a breath.

"Right that'll do, Hannah," Alfie muttered, wishing that his children would stop repeating every bloody thing he said. Then again, that last bit was nothing he wouldn't say to Ollie's own face. "Why don't you and Raisa go up to my office and do some drawin' while me and Jacob help your Uncle Ollie?"

"Why does Jacob get to help you?" Raisa asked. "Why can't me and Hannah help too?"

"Cos this is big boy work and you'll only get bored," Alfie explained. "I'm only bringin' Jacob cos he's a baby and he can't be left on his own."

"Is this because you love Jacob more than me?" Raisa asked seriously.

"Not at all, sweetheart," Alfie shook his head.

"Then why can't I come?"

"Because I say so," Alfie answered firmly. "Now go on and draw me somethin' lovely to look at when I'm in the office and you're at home with your mum, yeah?"

The girls climbed the stairs to Alfie's office and once they were safely inside, Alfie turned and fixed Ollie with a scowl.

"Right, let's get this done, shall we?"

"I'm awfully sorry, Alfie," Ollie apologised, his long strides struggling to keep up with Alfie's angry thunderous ones. "I wouldn't have called if it wasn't an emergency, but I didn't know what else to do."

"Ollie mate, no fuckin' offence, but you never know what to do in any situation," Alfie answered. "Even in your own home you don't make no decisions; you leave it all up to Miriam. You untied yourself from your mother's apron strings only to purposefully tangle yourself in Miriam's."

Ollie made no reply. He could see that Alfie wasn't in the mood and he could totally understand why. He had four young children himself and trying to control the four of them alone would be his worst nightmare. Instead, he let Alfie berate him endlessly for the next hour and a half about the importance of making sure the right order went to the right person.

…

The girls had been suspiciously well behaved, and as Alfie climbed up the steps to his office with little Jacob in tow he wondered if that was an omen. As soon as he opened the door, he realised that he was indeed correct.

"Hello Daddy," Hannah chirped happily from where she stood on Alfie's chair.

"Do you like your new office?" Raisa asked, looking proud as punch, motioning to the snowflakes concertinas that she and her sister had made and stuck up all around the room.

"It's very… wintery," he grimaced, glaring at Ollie who chuckled behind him.

"Isn't it wonderful?" Hannah smiled, jumping down from the chair and taking Alfie's hand to show him the decorations in depth. "At first, all we could find was the rubbish old paper that you always let us draw with but it was too plain for snowflakes, so then Raisa found a bunch of papers on your desk with lots of different colour writing and we thought they would make much prettier snowflakes."

Alfie's heart stopped for a moment as he mentally repeated Hannah's words.

"You used the paper on my desk and not in the special colourin' drawer?" he clarified.

"Yes," Hannah grinned. "They're so pretty and colourful so we thought they looked better."

Alfie eyeballed Ollie over his shoulder, who pulled a face that matched Alfie's inner thoughts.

"Can you show me exactly where you got the papers from?" Alfie asked in a much gentler tone than he thought he could have used.

"Right there," Hannah pointed to a pile of paperwork on Alfie's desk that looked significantly smaller than it had the day before.

"Fucks sakes," Alfie pinched his nose and tried not to lose his temper.

"Are you angry, Daddy?" Raisa asked.

"No, no of course not," Alfie gave the girls a strained smile before muttering to Ollie. "The contracts. They've cut up all the fuckin' contracts that Shelby signed yesterday. It took me fuckin' weeks to get him to agree to the terms in them."

"Oh dear," Ollie grimaced.

"Oh dear? Oh fuckin' dear? That's all you've gotta say about it? Fuckin' hell Ollie you're actin' as though I just said I knocked my cup of tea over or summit. Do you have any idea how serious this is? Them contracts were important!"

"I know that," Ollie answered calmly, completely not flummoxed by Alfie's ranting. "But can't we just get Tommy Shelby to come and sign them again?"

"What a wonderful idea, Ollie; I never thought of that myself," Alfie muttered sarcastically. "I'll just pop on up to Birmingham right now and knock on his door and ask him ever so nicely. You're a fuckin' muppet, you know that? It took nearly six weeks to get him to agree to them terms and come and sign them, and now he's gonna be a right fuckin' knobhead about havin' to do them again."

"Why are you shouting at Uncle Ollie, Daddy?" Raisa asked.

"Cos he's an idiot," Alfie muttered before he could stop himself.

"You're mean," Raisa eyeballed him angrily, wrapping her arms around Ollie's waist. "Don't worry, Uncle Ollie, I love you lots and I don't think you're a idiot."

"Thank you Raisa," Ollie patted her head. "But Daddy wasn't being mean. He's just a little bit upset because those papers were very important."

"So Daddy's upset with me and Hannah?"

"No," Alfie shook his head immediately.

"He is," Hannah nodded knowingly. "Daddy's upset with us, Raisa, and maybe he might even smack us like that time when you ran out into the road and that car nearly ran you over."

"Nobody's smackin' anybody and nobody's upset with you, ok?" Alfie reassured them before turning back to Ollie with a scowl. "See what you've done now, you fuckin' muppet."

"Sorry Alfie," Ollie grimaced.

But before Alfie could make another snappy comment, little Jacob let out a wet squelching sound from his rear end and a rather pungent smell filled the tense air.

"Fucks sakes," Alfie muttered. "That's all I fuckin' need."

…

Alfie sat back and surveyed the scene around him. The house was an absolute shit hole. Toys were once again strewn everywhere and there was a mountain of dishes in the kitchen to clean. The kids clothes were flung about the bathroom along with an ocean of water from the bath he had forced them into before bed. Raisa and Hannah had argued the toss with him about going to bed, and he had been coerced into reading them three bedtime stories each before they finally agreed to shut their eyes and let him leave.

Looking down at little Jacob, nestled against him and his tiny thumb in his mouth, Alfie smiled to himself. His kids were absolute little terrors without a doubt, but his life was meaningless without them and he wouldn't trade the chaos for anything in the world. Well, perhaps for a day to himself to recover from the ordeal that today had been.

His thoughts turned to his wife upstairs and he realised that he had never fully appreciated just how hard she worked for them every single day. The house was always immaculate and the children well dressed and fed, and she did it all with a smile on her face. Well, most of the time anyway. She was amazing and he decided there and then that once she was better, he would palm the kids off to Ollie and Miriam for a night so he could take Ava out and show her just how much he valued her as both a mother but also as the love of his life.

The night out never happened. The children left for the evening and both Ava and Alfie realised that they would much prefer a night in front of the fire, snuggled up on the couch together. And it was sometime in the middle of the night as Alfie lay in bed with Ava tucked up against his side, her breathing deep and even, that he realised the house was far too empty without the nippers.

Needless to say, neither Ollie nor Miriam were impressed when he knocked on their door at one in the morning to retrieve his children. But Alfie couldn't have cared less. He tucked them all up in the big bed with him and Ava, smiling as they all found various comfy positions. He didn't even mind that Raisa's big toe was almost up his left nostril or that Hannah kept elbowing him the nadgers. One day they would be grown and he would miss them. He would miss this. Closing his eyes, Alfie kissed the top of Jacob's head as he lay against his chest and breathed in his baby powder scent.

As he drifted off to sleep he thanked the man upstairs for giving someone like him a family like this. He was undeserving, he knew that, and his final thought before he fell asleep was that he would remember moments like this for the rest of his life and into the next.