Hi guys, so sorry for missing last week's update, but I was traveling and did not have time to write at all.

I've decided to divide what I think will be the last three chapters and let each one deal with a trimester of Donna's pregnancy. Hope you like it.

Please, please, please do tell me what you think. I appreciate every little word.

As always, thanks to Stephanie for being my number one coach.

G-

Chapter 18: They must be waiting for you to move on

First trimester

Since Harvey had found out about Donna's pregnancy, he had been nothing but attentive. A little too attentive, almost… what's the right word… naggy.

And Donna was already fed up.

She knew he cared, maybe a little too much, but she loved that about him. She had spent too many years trying to convince herself she didn't need him like that — to worry about her, to be the shoulder to cry on or to give her a hug when she felt vulnerable. But now his persistent concern was suffocating her.

Except when she's at work, and the most tiring task is to sit on a chair and type away, she's been doing nothing but laying around on the sofa all day. But even that turned out to be a problem.

"Can you please stop laying on your stomach? You're crushing my baby," Harvey said once, irony on the surface but complete seriousness underneath his jovial tone.

He was probably just as worried as her to lose this baby. After the apparently insurmountable mountain of sorrow they had to climb last year, he wasn't willing to come back to the slope. Quite frankly, he didn't think he had it in him to start all over again. One thing was sure — Donna didn't. After they had both enjoyed the view at the top, they couldn't possibly go back.

No one said that the second time was supposed to be easier, walking down that dangerous path again. With so much at stake, there was no room for fucking it up. Cut out all the caffeine, alcohol, cheese, and crazy gunmen on the loose. It should be simple, right? But with this kind of thing, nothing's guaranteed. The percentage of miscarriage in young women was about 20%, and adding Donna's stressful life and advanced age to the equation did not help at all.

So really, Harvey's concern was nothing if not predictable.

"Your baby? Last time I checked, it takes two to Tango." Donna put her phone face-down and propped herself on her elbows. She crossed her ankles and slid further into the mattress, almost to dare him to do something about it. She was no specialist, but she was sure laying in that position couldn't hurt the baby. If anything, it gave Harvey a pretty panoramic view and the chance for her to charm him into other activities that didn't involve baby talking. Mostly baby-making.

Donna peered over her shoulder, throwing Harvey a playful wink. He felt a surge of energy coursing through his whole body, buzzing with excitement and rousing him from his dozing state. A provocative thrust of her hips upward and his pants suddenly felt a little too tight. He wasted no time crawling in bed with her, making sure to turn her around before peppering her collarbone with kisses. He felt this involuntary sense of proudness about winning the argument, or so he thought. In all honesty, Donna just led him to believe that. The whole point was to get some attention, anyway.

Harvey smiled in their languid kisses, until Donna wrapped her legs around his waist, securing him there and pressing him right where she needed him, and his mouth opened to let out a groan. She kept seeking friction until he eventually parted from her.

"Donna," he said, catching his breath while she attacked his neck. "If you keep doing that," he momentarily paused, distracted by the way her swollen and wet lips traced his pulse point.

Donna hummed.

"If you keep doing that, I won't be able to hold back," Harvey managed to finish, at last.

Donna finally raised her head, looking him straight in the eyes. "And why that would be a bad thing?" She smirked, bumping her hip bones against his pubic bone as to prove a point.

"Because you know I don't like to start something we can't finish."

"Do you have somewhere to be?" She quirked an eyebrow.

"Don't push it. You know we can't have sex," he whispered, almost as if someone could hear them. He seemed… disappointed? Probably just sexually frustrated.

"And why the hell not?"

"Because of…" He trailed off, eyes widening and staring intently at her stomach. It was all too funny for Donna to hold back her laughter, questioning where the hell that came from. "We can't have sex.. because of the baby," Harvey explained further.

"You know the reason they're in there is because we actually did it, right?" She teased him for good measure.

"I'm serious, Donna. I don't want anything to hurt the baby."

"Harvey." Donna reached to caress his cheek, knowing when to start becoming serious. If she was completely honest though, his worried attitude made her grow soft. "Sex is not going to hurt the baby."

"How do you know that? I mean, they're so safe and content there, and then this… other… thing comes to ruin the peace— Don't make fun of me!"

Donna choked back a laugh, almost suffocating at the image he was just trying to portray. The last thing she would have ever expected was to have this kind of conversation with Harvey. Truth to be told, as amusing as that was, she knew she had to be kind enough to try and listen to him. Even if that felt like a ridiculous thing to discuss. "Ok… so you want to hold back for the next seven months?"

"Well, not seven months," he replied a little too quickly, almost disgusted at the idea of waiting for such a long time. "But maybe until the second trimester,"

"When the baby's too big for anything else to fit in there? I don't think so," she quipped, a little snort escaping her.

"I'm not asking you to park a truck in there."

"Well, obviously…"

Harvey raised an eyebrow in warning.

"Ok, I'm joking," she reassured him, maneuvering herself on a sitting position and leaning against the headboard. She looked at him tenderly. "You don't have to be scared, it's perfectly safe for us to do it."

Harvey didn't seem too convinced by her statement, "Still, I would prefer to have the opinion of an expert."

How could Donna blame him? Even the minimum margin of error wasn't allowed. On that, at least, they both agreed. And it was the only important thing. "If speaking about our sex life with a stranger will make you feel better," she said ironically. And then, a light switched on. Maybe it didn't have to be a stranger, after all. "We could go to Heather maybe," she suggested.

"Heather?"

"My friend, from college, OB-GYN?" She explained, hoping to say something that could remind him of her friend. She thought she had mentioned her at least a couple of times, but she wouldn't bet on it. It was years ago anyway, and Harvey properly wasn't listening to her at the time. "She followed my last pregnancy, I think it makes sense," Her gaze fell to her intertwined hands on her lap.

He just smiled and reached for her hand, immediately sensing her uneasiness. "Yes, of course. Why not."

The waiting room of Heather Jones' medical practice was a familiar space to Donna, but it certainly was an unknown space to Harvey.

The clinic was located downtown, in a pretty little street adorned with cute shops and boutiques. It was up on the fifteenth floor of a private health center, a small yet polished place. The walls were filled with posters — women's reproductive systems and pregnant bellies plastered on every little inch — and glass coffee tables with information brochures arranged in circles.

Harvey wasn't familiar with that world. Sure, he certainly remembered some of Biology classes cardinal topics, but he would lie if he said that he knew perfectly what was going on inside Donna's body. And if he liked to know better in his everyday life, then he wanted to be perfectly informed about his child's development.

He was beyond excited to get to be a part of this, walking through every little scary step of this incredible process, like he didn't have the chance to last time. For Donna though, things were slightly different. She had already done it all: scheduling the appointments, getting checked out, and planning about the future. And even though she was extremely glad she had Harvey by her side this time, she couldn't help but think she had already been through that and it hadn't worked.

The idea of seeing the face of the baby inside her uterus and it not being the same, but another one… it just felt strange. She wanted anything but to fuse her two pregnancies together. This kid wasn't her first, and mistaking that would have been disrespectful for both of them. Disrespectful for the memory of the first and for the future of the second.

She would just have to get used to it.

Only time would tell if it worked.

So, as she sat down on the cream-colored chairs in front of the blonde doctor once again, she held Harvey's hand extra tight.

The three made mostly small talk for the first few minutes, getting to know each other and fill Heather in about Harvey's role in Donna's life. As the redhead had predicted, her friend had already seen it coming a mile away and didn't hesitate before teasing them mercilessly.

Conversation flew easily between them, and Harvey finally understood why Dr. Schneller took so much goddamn time to let him in for his monthly appointments. He probably lingered talking with old friends.

After a good seven minutes of gossiping like every good old friend does, Heather asked Donna why she had bought her handsome partner with her. Usually, a pap-test didn't require that much support.

Harvey was left dumbstruck.

Didn't Donna tell her she was pregnant again?

It probably wasn't easy for her to go to her friend and getting through all that sympathy again.

Donna squared her shoulders, sitting more upright on the edge of the leather cushion. She wiped her clammy palms against her jeans. "Actually." She took a big breath. "I'm— we're having a baby."

Donna turned to Harvey and reached for his forearm, squeezing slightly.

The doctor's face managed to remain almost imperturbable. Harvey had to give it to her, she was professional beyond every doubt. But he was still quick enough to catch the sparkle of surprise bolting in her eyes, telling him the news took her off-guard.

"Well, what can I say other than bring it in." Heater got up and rounded her chair. She opened her arms wide to welcome Donna.

"Harvey." She turned to him, not shying away from reserving the lawyer the same friendly hug. He reluctantly accepted it, finding it weird to share the physical contact he was so keen to deny to most, but Heather was a good person. And if she was expansive on top of it all, well, he could live with that. "Congratulations to you, too. You must be thrilled."

"I am." Harvey smiled.

An awkward minute of silence elapsed between the three.

"So," Heather clapped her hands together. "Why don't I prep this lady and then we can get a look of this gorgeous little thing." She reached for the pregnant woman's belly — her hand hovering over it but never actually touching it — and looped an arm around Donna's.

Smooth.

Harvey gave the go-ahead, understanding that the blonde was begging to have a minute alone with his redhead.

Heater dragged her in the adjacent room, beginning to talk the second the door closed behind them.

"So, do I have to be all 'what a blessing, and I won't bring it up how you were in this exact same position a year ago'," she started, letting Donna lay on the examination table. "Or do I have to be all 'I'll kick your ass until you tell me exactly how you feel about this'?" she finished, crouching Donna's sweater up and unbuttoning her jeans.

She halted her movements, looking at her friend straight in the eyes. "Because either of them is a valid choice, Donna. Okay? Don't ever doubt that."

Donna felt herself welling up. She sighed, "It's weird. I guess, it'll take some time to get used to but I'm definitely happy. And Harvey is too."

"Then that's all I need to hear."

The room was chilling cold. It was December, and the weather was as it was supposed to be, but a closed space wasn't usually meant to resemble the freakin' Arctic Circle. Harvey didn't know how it was possible for Donna's skin not to be covered in goosebumps, giving that her midsection was exposed and a seemingly cold and sticky gel was spread across it. He wondered if he could ask someone to turn the heater on. But his mind drastically changed when the doctor started to move the doppler across the soft yet taut mound that was Donna's stomach. Like a metal detector searching for treasures, the machine was trying to pass through her outstretched skin and show his unborn child on the screen.

Heat seeped into his bones as Harvey loosened his tie.

Donna somehow sympathized with him — it didn't feel real until she had tangible proof.

Harvey's eyes traveled to the monitor, which was displaying nothing more than a pixelated black and white screen. His whole body was buzzing with excitement at the thought of spotting his baby for the first time, every cell tingling in anticipation of his reaction to the appearing of the little being. But then it dawned on him that maybe he wouldn't be able to see it. After all, Heather had been examining Donna for several seconds and he hadn't recognized anything other than grey grains. Maybe he was the one to not recognize it. That would make him a terrible father already.

Before panic could take hold of him, though, Heather unknowingly came to his rescue, stretching her index finger toward the screen and pointing directly at it. "Mr. or Miss. was giving me quite a hard time, but I'm smarter than them. Found it!" She exclaimed jovially.

Donna's head snapped to the side, her gaze landing greedily to the barely-there dark dot. The last time she had taken an ultrasound, the baby had been much bigger and noticeable. This time it didn't really look like anything, more like… a black bean. Of some sort. But it was very much there.

Harvey felt all the tension leave his body as the pent-up emotion of the wait deflated and the vision of his son or daughter piqued his interest, an unlimited surge of love blooming in his chest. A kind of love he had never felt before, nor thought of experiencing. It was too great, too endless, and too out of his control. His mouth hung open as he stared at the moving yet almost imperceptible product of his and Donna's love, that, to be brutally honest, didn't resemble much of a baby. He didn't know what he was expecting to see, certainly not feet and hair.

A funny thought occurred to him. "It really looks like a peanut." Harvey smiled a big Cheshire Cat smile. His eyes were glistening, but he was too transfixed to notice, much less care.

"Actually," Heather chimed in. "Seems like you're eight weeks pregnant, your baby is the size of a raspberry!" she announced excitedly.

Harvey's mind started to travel on its own, doing some quick calculations. Yeah, it was definitely possible for Donna to be eight weeks. Eight weeks ago there had been a trip down memory line with whipped cream. And well… it would be extremely poignant if she had gotten pregnant on that occasion.

Harvey chuckled to himself, bringing Donna's knuckles to his lips. He pressed them there, stamping a promise — a promise of forever — and thought about how damn lucky he was. For real.

"Everything looks good, healthy and progressing as it should be," Heater informed the couple. She never tore her eyes from the screen, providing the right amount of small talk while taking some measurements at once. She moved the mouse around the image, showing them what should be the head, body, little legs, and arms. But all Harvey could think about now was a raspberry. Their little raspberry.

Donna was trying to make sense of the emotions the vision of the little raspberry was arising.

The second she saw it appearing on the screen, she had to bite down on her quivering bottom lip, as tears formed in the corner of her hazel eyes. Her response to that image had been so immediate that she had been completely overwhelmed by it.

And maybe it was everything she and Harvey had been through, but this time it hit her more than she thought it would. She thought she was prepared… she clearly wasn't. She had wanted this for so long, longer than she even realized, that now that she had it… she felt exaggeratingly happy.

It felt so liberating, after all this time, to actually see that she had done it. She had been able to give them another chance. Said chance was growing inside of her now, with a pretty quick heart rate.

"Is it supposed to be this high?" Donna sniffed, pointing at the 140 bpm on the screen.

Heather smiled tenderly at her, choking back a laugh. "Yes, mama bear. It's exactly how it's supposed to be: strong."

The doctor turned on the sound of the machine, a few clicks here and there, and the room was soon filled with a rather loud noise. Rhythmic, yet constant. Foreign, yet familiar. Weird, yet melodic. A perfect harmony. A symphony of some sorts.

Harvey and Donna felt like they knew it. Not the baby they had lost, the life that wasn't lucky enough to bloom, but this one. They were living in the moment. The was no grief over the troubled past, only hope for the future. A future in which this was the first thing they knew as parents. Their baby's heartbeat.

"Amniotic sac and placenta are perfect. I'd say we snap a picture of this cutie and you can dress again. Once you're all set we can talk about what's coming next," Heather said to Donna, making fast work of the last few things to tackle before she was free to go. Last but not least, she confirmed to a self-righteous Donna and a flustered Harvey that it was perfectly safe for them to have sex.

As they went through the basic notions of prenatal care and what to expect the following months, Harvey and Donna understood that there was so much they didn't know.

They wanted to take things little by little, step by step, and they were. But sometimes, no matter how much they wanted it, they didn't feel completely prepared for that baby.

There were minutiae to go through, but also big things. Things she hadn't paid too much attention to the other time. Probably because she was too busy drowning in the sorrow of not having Harvey by her side. But he was there now, holding her hand, looking at her like she was creating a miracle, and maybe this baby was a miracle. And for that, planning the future didn't feel so scary anymore.

When Donna exited the building with lightness in her steps she realized that she wasn't alone anymore. She wasn't alone even last time. It was her and the baby, but now… now they were three.

Katrina crossed the threshold of the kitchen, stopping dead in her tracks at a rather loud sound of whirring. Louis barely managed to keep the lid on the blender, fresh off the market, in place, as the blades struggled to chop the pieces of a greenish vegetable.

"Louis," she called for his attention, but the whirring only became louder, as the machine shook vigorously.

Katrina stood there, unsure about what to do next. She awkwardly wet her lips and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Louis in a striped apron only meant one thing: his sacred break. And the fact that he was using the cheap apron silently implied that it was the time when he gave up prunies and traded them for smoothies with a heavy heart. That the fruit deprivation increased his bad mood wasn't a secret, but still, she had been back at the firm for just a few weeks and had to talk through some important things with him.

"I just need," she tried, but got cut off by Louis raising a finger, motioning to wait.

"I just..."

The whirring started to slow, as Louis' finger lowered at the same time, like he was the conductor of an orchestra. Katrina followed the movement with her eyes, waiting for her moment to speak. As Louis' index descended, so did the deafening sound, until it stopped.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Looks delicious." She smiled. "What is that?"

"It's a spinach and kale power smoothie. I'm in the middle of my quarterly cleanse. Don't want to talk about it. What do you want?" he said with alarming speed.

"My motion to dismiss with Judge McIntyre is on Wednesday. I've never been able to connect with him, but I know you are close."

"I understand him. I'm a stickler like him. Don't be late, don't be sloppy, don't be disrespectful and he'll love you, just like he loves me," he said, his words laced with a hint of proudness.

Katrina lowered her head, slightly embarrassed by the following question. Asking people for help had never been her forte. "Since you know him so well, would you do me the honor of signing on as first chair?" Oh, amazing grace.

Louis' face fell. "Katrina, you know nothing would make me happier, but—" His ears reddened. Just like they did when he got mad.

Oh man, Katrina thought.

"Alright." He made fast work of the knot and shoved his apron aside. Taking a seat at the round table, he crossed his legs and began rambling like a fifteen-year-old at her first pajama party. "So, apparently I'm back with Sheila, which is great and exciting. But, you know how she is…"

Kinky?

"Demanding. And she's asked me to help her raise some funds by organizing a charity gala. Something classy, strictly Harvard ex-students. Classy but not predictable, and what does that even mean? Normally I would have made something up and washed my hands of this, but I don't want to let her down this early. So I wish I could help you, but I'm busy," he ended the monologue with a dramatic scoff.

"Well, can't you ask someone to help you out. This way you'll have time for both?"

"Donna!" Louis addressed the redhead coming up from behind Katrina's back, entering on unsteady feet supported by Harvey.

"No."

Donna didn't even bother looking at him, as she waved her hand in dismissal, signaling that she wasn't in the mood for anything, and took a seat next to him. Still, she wasn't willing to talk. She let her head fall into her hands and groaned loudly.

Louis frowned. "You didn't even know what I was going to say!"

Donna threw him a dead glance.

"I'm sorry. She's just not feeling great," Harvey said apologetically. Having to justify other people's actions wasn't something he did. Usually, it was the other way around. One thing was for sure: he had never had to make amends to Louis on behalf of Donna. "I'm going to get you a glass of water, alright?"

Donna didn't nod her head, afraid it might feel like it spun violently again.

"What's going on?" Katrina asked.

"Just some nausea," Harvey responded to her, hoping to not trigger further questions.

The first trimester had been pretty much easy for Donna. Fatigue and heartburn were now familiar, but nothing she couldn't manage. Her organs were moving around to make space for a baby, so that was probably to be expected. She had yet to puke her guts out, so that by all accounts should be a good sign. Nausea, though, had never left her. Especially when Harvey ate hot dogs with onion in front of her.

"Do you know what would make you feel better? Stop reading all those little words on those piles of paperwork on your desk, and clear your mind."

"I'm so sorry, Donna," Katrina whispered in her ear, knowing well where Louis' was getting at with his previous words.

"Now that I think about it, in two weeks there's going to be this very classy, yet not predictable little reunion with Harvard's alumni to raise some funds, and you'd be perfect for the job," he said excitedly.

"What job?" Donna barked, visibly annoyed.

"Organizing it, of course!"

"I don't know, Louis." She took a large gulp of the water Harvey handed her. "I'm not even Harvard graduated."

"But Harvey is. You could be his date. And frankly, who gives a shit about it. You're perfect at these things, and I know how much you care about charity," he reasoned, a twinkle of excitement in his eyes.

At the mention of charity, Donna softened a little. What kind of example would she set for her child if she didn't care about helping others? "I don't know. I guess I could—" she wasn't even able to finish voicing her perplexities that Louis had misread it for a yes. He bolted out of the room, dragging Katrina with him before she could explain any further.

"Ouch." Harvey walked to her, settling behind her back and starting to work on the contracted muscles. "You were played nicely."

"Nah, I could really use a distraction. Plus, these kinds of things are always fun with open bar and free booze."

"Umh… Donna?" He waited for her to connect the dots.

"Shit," she cursed. "I can't even get drunk. And people will definitely notice if I don't. It's not like me."

Nice, Harvey thought. We will raise a little alcoholic. Drinking will definitely be one of the things Donna will miss most in those nine months. And then, a thought occurred to him.

"Louis said two weeks didn't he?"

Donna nodded.

"Do you know what happens in two weeks?" He turned her head so that he could meet her eyes. "You enter your second trimester."

"How do you know that?"

"How do you not know that?" He mocked disappointment, and Donna planted her elbow in his ribs. Harvey caught it and used the leverage to drag her up and wrap her in his arms. "Do you know what that means?"

Donna shook her head. She knew exactly what that meant, though.

"We can start telling people." Harvey smiled broadly.