[A massive thank you to May, the kick-ass beta for tolerating my nonsense and 'tossing' this an edit]

Chapter 4 - Beck and Call

August 31, 2019

Manhattan

"Harvey?" She stares back at him wide eyed.

"Donna," he breathes, his face dripping with surprise.

"I didn't know you were in town," he says.

"I thought it would be best if I didn't say anything. You know, help with keeping some distance," she mumbles the bullshit excuse she'd sold herself for hours after she considered calling him.

"How are you?" She adds.

"Donna— we don't have to," he pauses before saying "make small talk."

"I want to," she says, flashing him a reassuring smile.

"So, how are you?" She asks again.

"I've been alright, work has been busy, but when is it not," he replies.

"How are things in Seattle?"

"They're good. Things at work are finally starting to fall into place, I'm enjoying it."

"I'm happy to hear that," he says with a timid smile.

"Anyways, I shouldn't keep you from where you're headed, but it was good to see you Donna."

"You too Harvey," she replies with a sad smile as he turns to walk away.

"Harvey!" She calls after him and he pauses a few steps away from her, turning back to face her.

"What are you doing tonight? Around 7?"

"I- Nothing," he answers, facing dripping with confusion.

"Could we maybe grab dinner later? Talk?"

He pauses, contemplating her offer. He knows he shouldn't. That it would be in both of their best interests to walk away, but a nagging voice in the back of his mind is screaming at him to accept.

After his conversation with Stan, his anger about what happened spiked before falling once again. In the end, he decided that his feelings for Donna out-weighed the anger he felt, and that if he ever wanted to maintain some type of relationship with her, he needed to push past what happened.

As he discussed with Stan in a second meeting he'd set up, he learned he was not his mother, and her mistakes were not his. He knew it didn't make what he and Donna did any better, but it eased the self-resentment.

It would certainly be easier to turn down Donna's offer. But easy had never been his style.

"Sure, I'd like that," he smiles.

"Del Posto?"

"Sure, I'll see you there," he says before turning and crossing the street.

She continues on her way to meet Louis with a smile painted on her face. She isn't sure why she asked him to dinner, and has no idea what they'll even talk about, but she's glad she ran into him.

She hadn't thought about Harvey in a while, but seeing him, his chocolate brown eyes melting into hers, she's taken back to another time. It took her weeks of sleepless nights, trying to put what happened between them out of her mind, and she succeeded for a while. She successfully focused all her attention on her relationship with Thomas, and Harvey gave her the distance she needed.

Which was shocking when she actually sat to think about it. Harvey wasn't usually the type to respect their boundaries, yet he was giving her what she asked for and the territory was unfamiliar to her. He was an enigma. His emotions always had been a mystery to her and this was no exception. Old Harvey never would have respected her wish for space, even if he would have agreed to pretend nothing happened.

Asking him to dinner was probably a terrible idea. But she missed him. She missed their friendship, and she missed their conversations.

She has no clue what they'll talk about, or why he agreed, but she hopes that whatever becomes of the night, it will be a step in the right direction.

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August 31, 2019

Del Posto - Manhattan

Picking up a lengthy red dress, she holds it up and examines her figure in the mirror before shaking her head and tossing it on the bed behind her with a frustrated sigh. This was ridiculous. She shouldn't be wasting this much energy trying to choose an outfit for her dinner with Harvey. It was a casual dinner and she only had three dresses to choose from, yet she'd been contemplating the pros and cons of each for nearly 45 minutes.

The red dress, while it was flattering, had a long slight up the right side and she worried it might be too forward for what she was telling herself was a "casual" dinner. The black dress she'd packed had potential; it was long sleeved and had a belt around the waist and the light material fell just below her knee, but the low cut at the front showcased more cleavage than she felt appropriate. Finally, she had a pale yellow halter dress, but it was more of a summer dress than a fancy one and she wasn't sure it was entirely appropriate for Del Posto.

In the end, she settles on the yellow dress, deciding that she'd been a loyal customer to Del Posto over the years and they could tolerate her decision to dress down this evening. That, and the fact that she didn't want to give Harvey the wrong idea. She'd already invited him to dinner at their place, of all places, she didn't need to push any further.

Tossing her curls back over her shoulder, she applies a coat of red lipstick before giving herself a once over in the mirror and deeming herself ready. Ready for what exactly, she wasn't sure. Dinner with an old friend? An old flame? The man she secretly still spent countless nights dreaming about?

She grabs her jacket and throws it over her arm before placing her phone into her purse and stepping out into the hotel hallway. The entire elevator ride to the lobby she tries to shake her nerves but it's no use, she's a mess. After calling a cab and giving the driver the destination, she does her best to try and relax but she finds herself going over everything that could potentially go wrong this evening. Of all the scenerio's that pop into her mind, Thomas isn't involved in any, and that is a worrisome thought she pushes away for the time being.

She spots him waiting outside as she pulls up and she feels her shoulder relax. She was being ridiculous. This was Harvey. The same Harvey she spent a decade working with. The man she knew better than anyone. This dinner was going to be fine. It was just a meal with an old friend; an old friend she'd recently fallen into bed with.

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September 12, 2015

Del Posto - Manhattan

"Harvey," she greets him as she steps out of the cab and finds him waiting outside the restaurant. "Who are those for?" she adds, eyeing the flowers in his right hand.

"You," he blushes as he passes them to her.

"Harv-"

"Before you protest, it wasn't planned. I was walking by this stand on my way here and well, they reminded me of you."

She smiles as she eyes the flowers, a mixture of sunflowers and roses and her heart pounds against her chest.

"They did?" she smiles as she accepts the bouquet.

"Yeah… they're just, they look happy and you're always smiling and they're beautiful," he mumbles, shoving his hands in his pant pockets as he speaks.

"Thank you, Harvey. I love them," she grins. Did he just call her beautiful?

"I'm glad," he smirks, extending an arm to her, "Shall we?"

They're seated at their usual table and quickly fall into a conversation about the latest case Mike and Harvey had taken.

She loved that even after all these years, they never seemed to run out of things to talk about. Their conversation moved from work to how Marcus and the kids were doing and somehow they ended up talking about the first shows they'd seen on Broadway. For her, it was Phantom, him it was Rent.

She watches as his eyes crinkle at the corners, a side effect of the wide smile that graced his face as he told her the story about his family taking a trip into the city one summer when he was only ten to see the show.

He hardly ever shared stories from his childhood, most of them tainted with memories of his mother, and she loved the occasional glance she got of what his childhood was like.

"What about you?" He smiles across the table at her.

"What about me?" She replies.

"When you first came to work for me, you made me promise that I'd let you slip out for auditions. For a while at the DA's office I remember you were attending quite a few. What changed?" He asks.

You. She thinks to herself, though she doesn't voice the thought. She'd thought about his question a few times over the years when she began to realize she was invited to fewer and fewer events by her old theater friends because she was spending more time at the office. After college, she never considered becoming anything other than an actress. Every other role she took was simply a stepping stone on her way to the top. Until she started working for Harvey and things began to change.

She knows he isn't the reason she decided to slowly pull back from acting, but what he represented definitely played a large role. Over the years, she began to feel at home working for him. She became more confident in her own role and without even realizing it, she began to love what she did.

"I guess I discovered I could be passionate about more than one thing. I never thought I'd enjoy doing anything else…"

"Do you regret it?" He asks, his eyes broad and honest.

"Not even a little bit," she smiles.

They go back to trading childhood stories as they order dessert and the evening seems to fly by. Before she knows it, they're out on the sidewalk again getting ready to part ways.

Tucking the flowers under one arm, she steps towards the curb to hail a cab when she hears him call her name.

"Donna wait! It's a nice night, let me walk you," he offers.

"Sure, I'd like that," she smiles.

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August 31, 2019

Del Posto - Manhattan

"You came," he grins as she greets him.

"You thought I wouldn't?" she laughs slightly, doing her best to keep the mood light.

"I wasn't sure you wanted to see me. I just thought maybe you invited me out of-"

"I wanted to see you Harvey. I'm glad we ran into each other," she clarifies and feels herself beginning to relax.

"This isn't going to be weird, is it?"

"I think it's only weird if we make it weird," she replies, "so let's not make it weird."

"I think we can handle that," he beams, "shall we?"

She follows him inside where they are seated at a corner booth. She's suddenly overly conscious of her dress choice but distracts herself with the menu that she'd long since memorized.

"So… how's work?" he asks awkwardly.

"The awkward small talk isn't helping, is it?" Harvey adds.

"No," she admits, feeling her shoulders drop as she forces herself to relax.

"How's Mike?" he tries again, desperate to spark some sort of conversation.

"Last week Rachel was telling me how he attempted to make this homemade sauce and he set off the fire alarm and caused their entire apartment building to have to evacuate the building," she laughs, remembering how angry Rachel sounded on the phone.

"And I bet he was defending himself all the way until they were let back into the building," Harvey snickers.

"Try for several days afterwards," she adds.

Harvey's laughter dies down and his smile slowly fades when she speaks again, "You miss him."

It comes out as more of a statement than a question, but she knows he does. He never had close friends before Mike came along, and over the years she watched something in him shift as he began to let Mike in. Having Mike and Rachel leave was impossibly hard on Harvey, and she only now realizes that she must have added to that pain when she followed Thomas to Seattle.

"I do," he replies. "Life is very different here now."

"I was actually considering… you know what never mind, it's stupid."

"I doubt it is, what?" she prods.

"I've been considering stepping down. Going to work for a smaller firm, maybe help the good guys for a change."

"But you've always loved corporate law, why the sudden change in heart?"

"I guess I'm not the same guy I once was," he replies, looking her in the eye for a brief moment before his gaze shifts to his hands in his lap.

Their food arrives and they eat while sharing more stories about Mike, doing everything and anything to avoid talking about their personal lives. It was too much of a slippery slope. Talking about their friends was a safe bet, there was no way the conversation could take a turn and be redirected to involve talking about feelings, or what happened between them.

Despite the conversation being focused on others, she finds it flows easily and she soon forgets why she was nervous about coming tonight. Talking to Harvey had always come so naturally, and back when they worked together it was often the highlight of her day. The waiter delivers their desserts, chocolate cake for Harvey and cherry cheesecake for Donna. She eyes his as she bites into her own dessert and he catches her staring.

"You can have a bite you know, you always steal one anyways," he says.

"I just didn't want to overstep."

"Overstep? You used to buy your own Christmas gifts with my credit card."

"I know, it's just after…"

"Hey, look at me. Nothing has changed. I'm still Harvey, you're still Donna, and we can still share dessert."

She smiles and moves her fork to his side of the table, stealing a piece of his cake. She lets him pay the bill after he insists, and soon they find themselves out on the pavement outfront of the restaurant.

"I should get back to my hotel, I have an early meeting tomorrow and then I have a flight to catch," she explains.

"Where are you staying?"

"Just up the street from your apartment actually."

"Perfect, I'll walk with you."

"Oh you really don't have to, I was just going to catch a cab."

"Nonsense, it's such a nice night it would be a waste if we didn't enjoy it," he says, not wanting to say goodbye just yet.

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August 31, 2019

Donna's Hotel - Manhattan

"Do you remember that time Louis caught us stealing his last bottle of scotch?" he laughs as they stroll down the sidewalk in the direction of his apartment.

"God he was so mad!" she giggles, placing her palm on his forearm before swiftly pulling it away.

"We had no choice, we had to celebrate!"

"Well, we didn't have to."

"We did, an entire year as COO is something to be celebrated Donna."

She blushes and looks down at her heels, not knowing how to respond but the sound of his voice saves her from having too.

"Is this it?" he asks, looking up at the large hotel across the street from them.

"It is. Thanks for walking me," she turns towards him and smiles.

"It was really nice seeing you Donna."

"You too," she replies softly.

"Have a safe flight and maybe I'll see you around sometime?"

"Maybe," she replies with a hopeful smile.

Without warning he pulls her into a hug and she finds herself resting her head on his shoulder. Her hair smells like a mixture of herbs and vanilla and he tightens his grip around her, practically crushing her into his chest. He isn't sure when they'll see each other and he just wants to hold her for a moment before he lets her go. Physically and metaphorically.

Her hands settle on the back of his neck as they stand locked in their goodbye embrace. She's certain that time stands still as he begins to pull away, and all she wants is to stay locked in his embrace for a moment longer. Her hands stay locked behind his neck as he begins to break their hug, his eyes scanning hers. She barely has a moment to think before she's pressing her lips to his and she feels him relax into the kiss and kiss her back. The kiss is hot and heavy before he pushes her back once he realizes what they're doing. He sticks his hands into his pockets, fumbling for the right words.

"Right I should, um, go. Goodnight Donna," he says as he quickly turns on his heel and heads towards his apartment.

"Goodnight Harvey," she mumbles into the darkness, her fingers coming up to feel the ghost of his lips against her own.

This was insane. She had been pacing up and down the hallway of her hotel room for nearly 20 minutes replaying that kiss over and over, each time relishing in the way her stomach filled with a nervous excitement. She shouldn't feel this way, and yet- she did. She should be angry that he kissed her, that once again she was back in this position, where Thomas was in the middle of something he had no place being.

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August 31, 2019

Harvey's Apartment - Manhattan

She's not sure what she's thinking, aside from the fact that she isn't, but somehow her feet have carried her to Harvey's apartment, where she paces the length of the lobby for several minutes. She had set out for a walk and somehow her feet just carried her here. An old habit she supposes. Over the years when times got tough she often found herself strolling past Harvey's apartment; seeking comfort, friendship, she wasn't sure what.

What the hell was she doing? She's in the midst of racking her brain for an answer to that question when she spots Harvey stepping off the elevator, then stepping back on and then off again. He takes three steps in the direction of the lobby and two back when he spots her. He stares at her quizzically and she begins to wonder if he was going through the same insane thought process that she was. She watches him draw in a deep breath and step back into the elevator and she follows.

The ride up to his apartment is silent. Neither of them dare say a word or make a motion. Instead, she follows him in silence as he unlocks the door and she trails in behind him.

"Donna, what are you—" he begins to ask but is swiftly interrupted by her lips on his, her body crashing into his with impressive force. They tumble down his hall, tangled up in one another. Her arms claw at his back as his palms draw her nearer by the waist, all the while their tongues invade one another's mouths. A small nagging thought in the back of his mind screams that this was wrong, but god damn having her in his arms felt so right.

This isn't love, it's lust and it's wrong.

But it doesn't feel wrong.

He wrestles with his internal monologue, torn between not wanting to be the kind of man he had resented all his life and wanting Donna to be his to love.

He pulls back from the kiss as they reach his living room, placing one hand on each of her shoulders. He stares at her swollen lips and swallows hard.

"Donna-," he begins, "we need to talk about this."

"About what?" she responds in her lust filled haze.

"Us."

"There is no us," she responds coldly.

"Then what are we doing here?"

"You tell me, what are we doing here?" she fires back. She needed to know. To hear the words from him. She was certain he felt it too, this connection between them. She'd asked him once before, how he loved her but he wasn't ready to answer. She was hoping that now, after everything, he was finally ready. She was hoping he would fight for her.

"Donna I-,"

"I knew it, even after everything we've been through you still can't say it. Can you?"

"It's not my place to say it," he replies.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she snaps, stepping away from him.

"How am I supposed to tell you that I want something more when you're with him?"

"Let me get this straight, you can't tell me how you feel because of Thomas but you can kiss me the way you did outside of my hotel when I'm with him?"

She's angry now, pacing the length of his living room with her arms folded over her chest. While she paces, he stays rooted in his spot, staring at her wide-eyed.

"That's what I thought," she remarks with a huff when he doesn't respond. "You've always been a coward, and now you're being a hypocrite!"

"Me?! You're the one who's taken and might I remind you that you're the one who kissed me! And you were the one who showed up here!" He yells.

"You kissed me back!"

"You asked me to dinner!" He throws his hands up in frustration.

"As friends!" She exclaims.

"I thought we were never really friends," he spits, repeating the same set of words she used when she left him after their night together.

"Well we certainly aren't anymore!" She cries as she storms out of his apartment and slams the door behind her.

He sinks down on the couch once she's gone, dropping his head to his hands before letting out a frustrated scream. What started out as such a pleasant evening, a new beginning for them had turned into a total disaster. He never should have accepted her invitation to dinner. Never should have kissed her back and he never should have ventured down into that lobby. He groans when he realizes the thing he resents the most was his inability to tell her that he wanted more; to head Stan's advice and tell her to choose him, because he loved her.

Instead of telling her how he felt, he had practically hit the self destruct button on whatever was left of their relationship. He should have told her he loved her when he had the chance. He doesn't consider chasing after her, knowing it will only do them more harm but god did he want to chase after her and tell her how wrong she was. As angry as he was with her, all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and tell her she was wrong, he wasn't a coward, he was in love with her.

He marches himself to his decanter and pours himself a generous glass of scotch, downing the entire thing almost immediately. Why did she have to kiss him?

Why the hell did he have to fall in love with her?