Dear Severus,

I returned to Egypt yesterday. Although I am back to work, I find myself listless and distracted. Don't imagine that it's because I miss you, although I do. I slept better in your arms than I have since I left Hogwarts, which in many ways feels more like home than home. But that's not why I feel so off. Perhaps curse-breaking is simply losing its allure. How sad. Especially since next week we're to be given objects of our own to catalogue and break any curses they might contain. Before, I would have been excited. Now, I cannot dredge up the mildest interest.

I know better than to ask you if I am missed, but I do wonder. You never did tell me if anyone has taken my place.

Yours,

Marissa

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Dear Marissa,

Grief is a silent sapper of strength. It steals our joy and interest in the world. You have not lost your passion for curse-breaking, merely your father. No, not merely. I am not an expert in working through loss, but I suspect acknowledging you have lost someone may help. Keep him present in your thoughts when you are at leisure and focus on your work during work hours. Please especially focus when dealing with potentially cursed objects.

Don't be daft, girl. You were-are-one of a kind. My evenings are empty.

Severus

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Dear Severus,

You are right, of course. The emptiness I feel hasn't come from nowhere. I've taken your advice about keeping my dad in my thoughts. I've put his picture on my dresser. Every morning on waking, I see his smiling face. He was so kind and loving. I also write him letters about my life. I tell him everything. It's helped me feel more connected to the world.

Do you believe in life after death? I'm not sure I do. It's such a nice idea, but not very logical. I can never decide what I believe.

Yours,

Marissa

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Dear Marissa,

I fear the idea of an afterlife. I imagine those I've wrong are sitting in judgement of me, waiting. If there is one, I am not destined for eternal happiness. Because of what awaits me, I am more inclined to believe there is one. It would be my luck.

Severus

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Dear Severus,

You do make my heart ache so. I will simply have to make your days on earth filled with happiness.

Yours,

Marissa

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Dear Marissa,

Do not reach too high, my dear. Then you will not be disappointed.

Severus

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Dear Severus,

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

Marissa

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Dear Marissa,

You are impossible.

Fondly,

Severus

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Dear Severus,

Last night, I went into the desert behind our encampment. I lay out and gazed at the stars. I'm always surprised at how many there are. Astronomy was not my best subject. I always get dizzy staring into the vast universe. I took off my robe and felt the stars on my skin, a billion kisses of light. I wish you had been there. I like your kisses. I would like to feel them on my body as I felt the stars.

Love,

Marissa

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Severus closed his eyes and swallowed hard. He could see her in his mind's eye, her young, supple body stretched under the night sky. The stars lighting her skin. Her hair billowing around her.

How could he take someone like her? Take her youth and beauty and joy for himself? He didn't deserve it.

Moody, he stalked empty halls, itching for wayward students onto whom he could unleash his foul mood.

Instead, at the end of a staircase, he found Dumbledoor contemplating a painting of a dyad swimming under a moonlit sky.

"Ah, Severus. What brings you out on this fine night?"

"Nothing. I needed air."

The Headmaster turned and studied Severus for a moment. "I think tea is in order. Come."

He sighed and rolled his eyes but fell into step next to Dumbledore. They made it to his office without encountering anyone-it was late, but when had that every stopped students-and entered to find tea already waiting.

"Sit," Dumbledore suggested, taking a seat by the fire. He picked up the teapot and poured into each awaiting cup.

Severus sat and took the proffered up. He sipped it and scowled. Peppermint tea. How he loathed the flavor.

"You're in a mood tonight. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. "There's a tenseness to you I've not seen since before you left last month. Did something happen?"

"No." He took another sip of tea. "Have you ever… known you should not have something. That it wasn't meant for you. But you let yourself… indulge anyway?"

Something like comprehension washed across Dumbledore's face. He leaned back in his chair and drank some tea. "I have."

Severus scowled. "I'm not talking about filching a treat I shouldn't have."

He chuckled. "Nor was I. There was a young man who was beautiful and brilliant. Sadly, though, he was all edges and lines. A fire that burned too hot. I knew I shouldn't, but I simply h ad to draw closer and let myself get burned.

"And did you?"

"Oh, yes. Quite badly." He shook his head. "But, oh, how lovely it was before." His eyes, far away with remembrance, sharpened. "What has you troubled?"

Severus let out a sharp sigh. "You are aware of my correspondence with Marissa Stevenson."

Dumbledore nodded.

"I am not sure I should continue."

"What's changed your mind?"

He gritted his teeth. "She… fancies… believes... " He cleared his throat. "Her feelings are such that I…" He trailed off, unsure of how to continue.

Dumbledore's smile was gentle and knowing. "She's falling in love with you?" he suggested.

He nodded stiffly.

"And you do not return her feelings?"

"What I feel is irrelevant," he snapped.

"What you feel is very relevant. I think it's the only relevant thing."

Severus rolled his eyes. "With my history…"

"That is what I believe is irrelevant. Assuming she knows."

"She does. But…"

"No. If she knows your past and accepts it, then all that matters is your feelings for her."

Severus's jaw ached from clenching. He shook his head. "I need to be responsible. I cannot let myself get in too deep."

"Why not?"

"You're the one who has said the Dark Lord will return. What if I need to spy for you again? She's Muggle born. How can I effectively do my work if…" He trailed off.

Dumbledore sighed. "That is a legitimate concern. But in asking you to be prepared, I never intended to stop you from living your life. We should not stop living on the basis of what might happen."

"You said he will return."

"And I am, on occasion, wrong. Severus. Ignore your head. What does your heart tell you?"

He closed his eyes. "That I am too old, too mean, and too damaged."

"That's your head talking. I'm asking after your heart. How do you feel?"

Frustrated, he squeezed his eyes tighter. "That I am… inordinately fond of her." He opened his eyes once more, neck hot and prickling.

Dumbledore beamed at him. "Then, my dear boy, you have your answer.

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Dear Marissa,

I understand that your apprenticeship continues through the summer, but I thought I might come and see you for a week or two. Would that be suitable?

Severus

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Dear Severus,

I was so afraid you'd not write me back ever again. The night I wrote you, I admit, I was a touch tipsy. And not just on honey mead—I'm a light weight-but on the stars. I thought I might scare you away with my ever-growing regard.

I would be delighted if you came to visit. Although most days I work, I do have the weekend and evenings free. Perhaps we could rent a cottage one weekend and steal some time to ourselves.

I am so happy I cannot contain it. I overflow so much, even the goblins smile.

Love,

Marissa