a/n: god. i haven't written anything in two years. i finally got inspired to write again and it's crappy and unedited but i'm just so happy to be publishing here again. hello to fanofthisfiction and the whole of FRM.

this is my late Valentine's fic (another LDR fic) and i was listening to Lady Antebellum's Big Love in a Small Town the whole time! That really set the mood for this one.

Lost in a dream

She doesn't count a lot of things.

She doesn't count how many hours of sleep she loses trying to save lives and forgetting to feed herself, not the number of times she's received emergency calls from the hospital, the times she's had to cancel on her dinner dates with Ino and the girls, and definitely not the attempts her memories have made at cleaving their way through her.

But it's been seven years, and the scent of roses intrudes into her rather perfunctory sense of smell of washed up, sanitized corridors. It's the hospital; it's all a routine until someone falls and hangs in a critical balance between life and death.

But even death becomes familiar after a while.

It's been five years, she counts, since her fantastic romance blew up into shreds and tatters. But they were young – there was, expectedly, a lot of passion and thrill, but no direction.

"We're young and we have our dreams. My dream is not here. Yours is. I have no need of such complication."

Sakura finds herself choking up as she recalls how easy it was for him to take her heart and for her to ransom herself with his promises that eventually amounted to nothing.

"But Sasuke, three years is too long. You can't just throw that away. We can make this work if we do it together. We'll find a way," she coaxed, reaching for his hand.

Her hand never reached his as he turned his back, not mincing his words. Sakura closes his eyes, blocking him from resounding in her head.

The sound of her phone snaps her out of her gloomy daze, and she can't be more thankful.

"Ino . . . Oh, alright. Yes, I understand. I'm fine! No worries, darling. Have fun okay? And tell me about it later? Great then talk to you later."

They were supposed to finally have their long-awaited date especially now that the season calls for it, but Ino actually got herself a "real" Valentine's date, and Sakura isn't about to take that chance away from her.

If she were to be honest, she didn't feel like going out on this day anyway. It's heavily laden with societal expectations and laced with her personal memories from the past, and she doesn't want to relive any of it.

"Haruno-sensei!"

It's one of the nurses, and she's carrying two paper bags as she rushes to meet Sakura.

"I made chocolates for everyone. Here's one for you. Hope you'll like it. Happy Valentine's!"

She's gone before Sakura can even say thank you. She looks at what she's just been given, and the sudden familiarity of it all floods her.

"I know you don't like chocolates, especially MY chocolates, but I made this for you anyway."

He took her offering and looked at her for a while. She blushed under the severity of his gaze.

"You can throw it if you want to but don't do it now, not in front of me, okay!"

He smirked and opened the box before finally taking a piece into his mouth. Sakura had her mouth opened the whole time.

"I never said I didn't like your chocolates. You're five years too late though. I've been expecting this since high school."

Sakura pouted. "What do you mean? If I had so much showed you a tinge of interest, you would've turned me away like you did with all those fans! And . . . and we have been friends since we were babies, I didn't know how to not make it feel . . . incestuous."

Sasuke made a step toward her and she visibly took a step back.

"Sakura, I never saw you as a fan. You're a friend – "

"Exactly my point!"

"And special. You are special."

"Oh."

She smiled at him, her heart all of a pitter and a patter.

"Then I guess I'm lucky?" she chuckled.

He closed the distance and pulled her against him, pressing a kiss on her forehead.

"Maybe you are. Make me some more chocolates?" he teased, waiting for her reaction.

"You meanie. That's not fair. You gotta make me chocolates too!"

She was supposed to throw him a mildly annoyed look but it all melted away when he leaned in and captured her lips. She felt him tightening his hold against her and she couldn't help but wound her hand in his hair, desperately kissing him back.

She was breathless when he finally stopped. "Do you still need me to make you chocolates?"

She laughed and shook her head before reaching for another kiss.

Sakura finally makes it inside her car, wondering who to call, or if she should just head straight home especially since this is a rare opportunity for rest. But her feelings do not go unquiet and she needs some mighty dose of comfort. Maybe she could drop by her favorite bar? Drink herself to oblivion? But what if duty calls, she can't be that irresponsible. She just needs to drown out the offending memories. She should be fine with some company, have some space from herself. She doesn't know where to go, but she starts the car, hoping she'll figure it out sooner than the memories, more of them, catching up to her.

Sakura thought they could just continue forever. She never considered the distinct possibility that things come to an end, even what they had. They would have minor fights about the silliest of things like how Sasuke would sometimes take forever to respond to her texts, how Sakura would sometimes show up late for their study sessions, or how sometimes they were just both too busy to even see or spend time with each other even though they lived in the same city.

Sasuke wasn't usually bothered by it. It was mostly Sakura who couldn't take it sometimes, demanding more time to be together yet at the same time wholeheartedly understanding that on top of attending different universities, both of them had other things they needed to be focusing on aside from their relationship. Sakura was studying to be a doctor, and Sasuke training to be the future CEO of their company, although with his brother being around, that wasn't really a possibility unless his brother stepped down from the position.

But Sasuke had a dream of starting his own company and he had always told Sakura that he couldn't do that in their city as it would require having a large network of connections and a move elsewhere. He was also looking at going to grad school in another country.

Sakura knew all this, but she had been deeply caught up in this swift moving dream of being together with Sasuke that she didn't realize they were rapidly headed for a steep descent.

A few days before what was supposed to be their third anniversary and a celebratory date for their graduation, Sasuke broke the news that he got accepted into a university in Europe and would be away for at least two years.

"I'm so so happy for you, Sasuke-kun! Congratulations!"

Sakura jumped up to hug him. She stayed like that for a while but with no sign of Sasuke returning the gesture.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Sakura, I don't think we can continue doing this."

"What do you mean, can't continue?"

"You have a life here and will soon become a doctor. But I can't stay here."

Sakura bit her lip, trying to keep her tears at bay, as she realized where this conversation was going. She saw it necessary to reason with Sasuke with logic and she didn't want to show how emotional she was getting.

"Look. I know you can't stay, Sasuke-kun. You've been telling me. So you go study wherever you want to and no matter how long you want to. And I'll just be here waiting."

She tried convincing him with a smile but even she herself was finding it hard to stay optimistic.

"I don't want you to wait. I don't want either of us to wait."

Hinata is calling, and Sakura delightfully welcomes a much-needed distraction from her aggravating memories. Tears are threatening to fall again, but it has been seven long years, and she still feels the pain as if it was just carved yesterday.

She calms herself down before answering the call.

"Hinata?"

"Sakura! So glad you answered the call. Where are you? Do you have a date?"

"Oh, I . . . it was cancelled."

She's been playing this little game of pretend with herself and everyone else. She feels guilty but she's not about to show her friends that after seven years, she's still stuck in the same spot where he left her.

"Great! Are you free right now? Naruto and I didn't want to go out and just decided to cook together. We'd like you to judge who did better. . ."

Sakura can hear Naruto screaming "Me of course!" in the background. She chuckles lightly.

"Oh god, you two are as adorable as ever. Count me in. I'm on my way!"

"See you, Sakura-chan!"

Filled with newfound cheerfulness and excitement, she then wipes her tears away before speeding up and making a sharp turn at the end of the street. Suddenly, it isn't a cheerless road anymore, and the sadness that seemed impenetrable has now been cast away. It might be only temporary, but she needs to breathe and her best friends are just what she needs to accomplish that.

She's holding a box of chocolates as she opens the door stoked to see the two lovebirds and the mess they have made in the kitchen.

But instead she sees him seated at the table, eyes in her direction, as if already expecting her to show up behind the door.

She almost drops the chocolates and accusingly glares at Naruto who has just come out from the kitchen. She doesn't say anything but demands an answer silently.

Naruto tries to say something when Hinata comes and runs to her."

"Oh Sakura, you're finally here! Come, come, and we have a lot of food for you to taste!"

Hinata picks up the box from her hands and practically drags her to the table. Sakura has no choice but to be seated in front of Sasuke who she hasn't seen for ages and she wishes she didn't have to see him again. Having painful memories of him has been more than enough.

"Hello, Sakura."

His voice has become fuller but still icy. She sends a wry smile his way without directly looking his way. Oh, how she wants to continue faking it, pretending she's been okay, but not like this. She isn't prepared for any of this. Pain does find you in unlikely places, and she just wants the dinner to be over soon.

She can tell how hard the couple is trying to make the atmosphere less tense, throwing questions around for anyone to answer. But she doesn't want to engage in any of it. She's just been focused on tasting different dishes, dryly commenting her evaluations every now and then.

"Teme, I didn't expect you'd even be back here. Thought you would stay in Europe forever!" Naruto begins as he starts chomping down on his plates of food.

"I planned to but we're expanding and thought it best to have our first branch here."

"Awesome! Does that mean you'll be staying here for a while?"

"Maybe. But I'll have to go back there as soon as I can."

"Oh, you haven't been actively responding to our chat. So . . . are we missing something here? Do you have a fiancée now that you can't leave?" he teases.

Naruto stops as soon as he says it, and Sakura sees Hinata slapping at his arm. But Naruto coughs and continues.

"Sakura has been dating around, too, right, Saku-chan? Tell us about your recent conquest!"

"Naruto-kun!" Hinata warns, slapping a hand over her partner's mouth.

Sakura lets out a weak laugh.

"No, I have no conquests. I don't have the time and energy needed to be in a relationship. And . . ." she scoffs, "it's pointless anyway."

.

.

"But Sasuke, three years is too long.

You can't just throw that away.

We can make this work if we do it together.

We'll find a way."

"No need to. It won't work. It's all pointless anyway."

.

.

Sakura abruptly rises from her seat.

"I . . . I need to go. I have to go back to the hospital."

She hastily gives Hinata a hug. "As always, you did better than him," she smiles at Hinata as she glares at Naruto.

She then rushes out of the door, quickly fumbling for her key inside her bag as she takes deep breaths, keeping her emotions in check.

"Sakura."

She feels herself whirled around, and she breaks down at the sight of him.

"Why the hell are you here? Why did you even come back. . ." she looks at him straight, furious tears marring her vision.

"I . . . I don't know. Maybe I wanted to see you and apologize for what I did," he says softly, looking down.

"But what for, Sasuke! You. . . you just threw it all away! Didn't even give it a chance, left without saying goodbye and suddenly after 7 fucking years, you want to say sorry? For what exactly? For hurting me? For not loving me at all?"

Sasuke looks at her firmly. "You know that's not true. It's not true that I didn't love you."

"Everything that you did that day told me what you truly felt, Sasuke, and I don't need your sorry. I don't need any explanation from you. Just let me . . . let me be, I can't – "

"Sakura, I was scared. The distance would've hurt you more, the waiting would've killed you."

Sakura smiles sadly and shakes her head. "You killed me the moment you walked away. I would've done anything to keep us. But I guess you just weren't ready. You were young, you had dreams, and I wasn't part of any of it."

"I'm sorry, Sakura. I'm sorry for hurting you. I wish I could take it all back. In the end, those dreams meant nothing."

She remembers touching his face before smoothing out the creases and stroking away the sadness and exhaustion. She remembers how it was all so simple back then and wishes she could just take everything back, too.

Before she even notices what she's doing, her hand is already a mere inch from his cheek, ready to touch him again, to do all of that for him again. But when she realizes, she smiles tearfully and drops her hand.

"I wish you happiness, Sasuke-kun."

She loved him so much that walking away from him was something she would have never trusted herself to do. But they were young, they had dreams, and somehow, they lost each other.

There's no looking back.

...

Fin.

(ahhh, I actually finished! this is really making me sad, too. maybe I could continue if i could have the time for it, but I'm done making promises!)

(but yeah, maybe, just maybe and will edit soon!)

(would really be happy to read some reviews! it's been a while.)