I have fantastic news guys! I've worked out a deal with Warner Brothers, and my brand new upcoming Gen:LOCK fan fiction will be available EXCLUSIVELY on HBO NOW! Only once its aired there will it be available for readers here on this site. Guess first doesn't mean what it used to, now does it?

Anyway, onto the super cool volume 8 script that was leaked to me.

Qrow was sitting in the plane that was flying back up to Atlas. In his hands he held a bloody good luck charm held by his once hetero life partner, Clover Elvis or whatever his name was. He was so sad. He'd never see Clover again.

Robyn patted him on the back. "There, there. It's not your fault, Qrow."

"I know it's not my fault," he agreed. "It's Ironwood's fault."

"Yes. This is all Ironwood's fault. He's the one who made me take over a plan in mid-flight like the literal terrorist I am. How am I even allowed to run for political office when I openly attack the government and steal its property?"

"Because you're a woman in RWBY and therefore can do no wrong."

"Yes, that's right. Ironwood is a man, and therefore he's bad. He's the one who allowed Tyrian to escape, murder the pilot, and crash the plane with no survivors. Well maybe not the no survivors part, but Bane memes aren't going to meme themselves."

Qrow felt vindicated in his earlier speech to Clover. Ironwood was going to take the fall for this because it was all Ironwood's fault. Ironwood MADE him team up with Tyrian, the psychotic serial killer who had once attempted to abduct his niece and poisoned him to the edge of death. Yes, Ironwood made him do that. Just like Ironwood murdered Clover in cold blood.

"I can't believe that Ironwood took my sword and plunged Clover with it from behind. I wanted to be the one to get to do that."

Qrow was super sad because he didn't get to butt fuck Clover. Or let Clover butt fuck him. Either way, that ship was SO TEASED! Why do you have to do us like that, Rooster Teeth? Fair Game had literally the exact same buildup as bumblebee did. Like, seriously. Clover winked at Qrow. Clover smiled at Qrow. Clover and Qrow had some flirty dialogue with each other.

Don't tell me it's just because you have a lesbian fetish. Come on. Come ooooooon!

Anyway, uh, there's a big whale eating Mantle now. So… they get back to Atlas, and they run into Team RWBY! Qrow and Robyn escaped from their pitiful normal human captors, the ones that somehow made Team JNR run away in terror.

Ruby came rushing out with her friends, and now there were even more of them than when the season started! Subtract Oscar and add Penny and Pietro. Oh man, this doesn't bode well for the screen time issues.

"Uncle Qrow! Are you okay! Where's your boyfriend!"

"He's dead, kiddo," Qrow said sadly. "Ironwood killed him."

"I know! Ironwood made me and my team beat up the Ace Ops too! And we did it like super easily too because we're friends and they aren't! And we left them tied up in Atlas Academy when there's a Grimm invasion going on!"

Qrow punched a wall. "Damn it, James! This is all your fault too! How dare you make Ruby beat up the most elite soldiers in Atlas when we need them the most! Can't you see there's a Grimm attack happening here?"

"Ironwood gave you no choice" Ruby speeched to him. "He didn't give any of us a choice. He literally killed Clover and beat up the Ace Ops and allowed Winter to become severely injured. If it wasn't for Ironwood nothing bad would have happened and we would have saved Mantle already through the power of our super protagonist plot armor."

"This is all Ironwood's fault," Weiss agreed.

"This is all Ironwood's fault," Blake agreed.

"This is all Ironwood's fault," Yang agreed.

"This is all Ironwood's fault," Jaune agreed.

"This is all Ironwood's fault," Nora agreed.

"This is all Ironwood's fault," Penny agreed.

"This is all Ironwood's fault," Maria agreed.

"This is all Ironwood's fault," Pietro agreed.

"This is all Ironwood's fault," Robyn agreed.

Everyone except Ren agreed that Ironwood was solely to blame for every calamity that happened in season 7. See that? That's called foreshadowing! Remember when Ren was all "YES SIR!" and everyone was like "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!?" It's finally paying off. Ren is morally gray now!

"Ren, please blame Ironwood with the rest of us," Nora cried.

"I instantly change my mind," Ren changed his mind.

All was right with the world. RENORA FOR LIFE GUYS!

The whale finished eating Mantle. It ate Ace Ops next.

"This is all Ironwood's fault," the hive mind all agreed at once. "Iron man bad. Iron man bad. Iron man bad."

The whale ate the rest of Atlas. All that was left was the protagonists in all their self-righteous glory.

"We were right. Now let's beat the big whale Grimm and rub it in Ironwood's face."

The end.