Okay um, WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER: RECOVERING FROM RAPE AND LOWKEY MENTIONS TO SUICIDE. IF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, IT'S BEST YOU DON'T READ THIS (As much I want you to *sigh*).

That aside, I'm sorry this chapter took so long. Inspiration for this one came in bits and pieces, so I had to pause for certain periods of time. I hope it was worth the wait because this is definitely one I'm proud of.

I tried to keep them as IC as possible, but because we don't see that many cutesy scenes in canon, they MIGHT come off as OOC. But, I tried, so enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: must I say it every time?

It all happened so fast. Where they once stood frozen, they were all suddenly moving in a blur of motion, reaching for-

"ROBIN!"

Bang!

It all started two weeks ago after they rescued Robin from Slade.

The Titans celebrated that day, boy did they celebrate, but deep down they all knew one thing: they were too late. Five months, to be exact. Robin had been missing for five months, and he spent every single day of those months with Slade. They knew Robin wasn't entirely there during their celebration, even if he seemed to be happy. But they didn't say anything, didn't pry, because they just wanted to enjoy the fact that their friend was finally back.

How stupid of them, of course, he wasn't.

How could they expect him to just snap back to his old self after everything that had happened? Robin refused to open up about his time with Slade, but they didn't need verbal confirmation to know that it was horrible.

They didn't need words because it showed in little bits: the way he flinched at the slightest touch like it's burned him, the way his smiles were so, so brittle like they could collapse at any second, the way he no longer let anyone bandage his wounds for him like there was something he didn't want them to see.

The way he woke up every night screaming.

They could take down monsters, demons, and beasts, but nothing had prepared them for the horrifying sound of their friend waking up screaming in terror, thrashing and begging for someone to "stop" and "don't do this".

Someone, like Slade.

They wanted to help him so badly, and they each tried their way with him, but nothing seemed to work because it always went the same way: a tight smile and a shaky "I'm fine".

Eventually, they stuck to just pretending it never happened and going about their day as usual, because even a blind man could see the way Robin was barely holding on. They wanted to help, but some things just couldn't be healed with a warm hug and words of love.

No matter how much they wanted them to.

Days passed, and things were going as usual. Wake up, fight over breakfast, train, kick bad-guy butt, chill until the last step repeats. Then, the cycle changed when they heard a scream.

They were driving home from another victory when they heard it. It took less than a second for their instincts to kick in and head in the direction of the ruckus. Nothing had prepared them for the sight they stumbled upon.

Cyborg heard the sound of horrified gasps from his teammates, but all he could see was the woman being held down by a large man as he… as he…

He couldn't even fathom the thought. He froze as he tried to process what he was seeing, what they had failed to stop. From what sounded like miles away, an enraged roar rang in their ears. For a moment, Cyborg thought it was Beast Boy, but his eyes said differently as they all watched as their leader ran at the... The rapist with a burning rage.

That snapped them out of it, and then they were moving to help Robin. But there wasn't any help to provide because Robin already had the man down and was beating him to a pulp.

For once, no one moved to stop him.

Starfire and Raven hurried to help the woman that was crumbled to the ground, sobbing hysterically. Beast Boy stood by Cyborg, unsure what to do in the face of what he was witnessing.

He had never felt so useless.

Cyborg shook his head. He was the oldest in their team, what was he doing just standing there as his younger friend was taking action? He turned his eyes to Robin and was surprised to see that Robin had stopped. Which was… good, he thought reluctantly. As much as this scum didn't deserve it, heroes didn't beat people like that.

A second later, a loud laugh echoed in the alley. Their eyes turned to the man being held down by Robin. The man was laughing? Everyone was equally puzzled, but Robin didn't share that sentiment because he wasn't frozen, he was shaking.

"What's the matter?" the man laughed. "I was only indulging myself, she was asking for it with the way she was dressed!"

Starfire was the first to snap, "You will not speak of her that way you scum! She did nothing to deserve such a horrible thing!" her eyes were glowing like they were seconds away from frying him, and Cyborg almost indulged the thought of letting it happen.

"Of course, she did!" the man grinned. "I am superior, she had no right to say no to me. I was doing her a favor!"

Cyborg clenched his fists, ready to sock the man when he stopped at the sound of a loud crack!

Shrill screams of pain rang in place of the laughter, and they all watched as the man gripped his right arm in pain.

Robin broke his arm.

"Dude…" Beast Boy breathed quietly. "Did he just-"

"What's the matter?" Robin's voice echoed, but it didn't sound like him at all. It was so cold and cynical. Starfire shivered. It sounded so wrong, so unlike Robin. Raven tensed beside her.

"Why aren't you laughing anymore?" Robin continued. "Weren't you just a second ago? Didn't you say it was funny how helpless and scared she was?"

The man was shaking now. "I-"

"Oh, wait," Robin paused for effect. "You can't because now you're helpless and scared. Not as funny when you're the one in pain, is it?"

"Please, let me go-" he begged.

"But it's incomplete, don't you think?" Robin asked. "Because you weren't going to stop at rape, you were going to kill her, too, weren't you?"

"No, I swear I wasn't-"

"Then why," Robin moved to pull something from the man's pants, "Do you have this?"

The man froze, his eyes on the gun in Robin's hand. The hero's words echoed in his head.

It's incomplete.

"No no no no, listen, please-!"

The feel of the cool barrel pressing against his skull stopped his begging, and his pupils dilated as he realized what was happening. His shaking increased tenfold, and the sound of the surrounding Titans blurred as his heartbeat echoed loudly in his ears.

He looked up at the towering form of Robin. This wasn't right, Robin was a hero. Heroes didn't kill, this wasn't how it was supposed to go. He was bluffing. He was bluffing, right? But no, that face… that blank, emotionless face, was not that of a bluffer. This was real. This was happening. He was going to-

"ROBIN!"

Bang!

Four pairs of eyes turned to stare in horror at their leader, and everything melted around them. What just happened? Did Robin just-?

Nononono-

A groan rang in the air, and they collectively let out a relieved breath. Robin hadn't killed him! Of course, he didn't. Why would he ever…

But the way he stood calmly, not a hint of hesitation, the way he held it against his head like he would actually do it-

The bullet hole smoked from its place in the brick behind the unconscious man.

Robin hadn't killed him, but the man believed he would.

Oh, god.

"Robin," Starfire said quietly, still frozen beside Raven, who, for once, lost her poker face and looked so, so horrified. She had tried to read Robin to see if he was bluffing, but… but she felt nothing. No anger. No pain. No remorse.

Nothing.

Robin finally turned to them. "Take him away, I'll call the police."

And as he walked away, no one followed him.

The deafening silence followed them all the way home. Robin was nowhere to be found.

"I'm sure he'll be fine," Beast Boy said to a worried Starfire. The grimace on his face said otherwise, but none of them called him out on it.

Starfire nodded but remained silent.

Just as the silence began again, it was cut by Cyborg's aggravated sigh. "Who are we kidding? None of this is okay, it never was in the first place."

Beast Boy's ears drooped. "You mean… Robin was never okay like he said he was?"

"That much is clear," Raven voiced solemnly. "We all knew it, we just didn't know what to do about it, so we pretended it was all okay."

"But not anymore," Cyborg declared. "This has gone on long enough."

"But Robin refuses to speak of it," Starfire retorted. "I wish to help Robin, but he will not let us. What can we do?"

"Ignoring it hasn't done anything, which means it's time we faced this issue head-on," Raven said. "He needs to talk about it. The more he bottles it up…"

"The more he snaps," Beast Boy breathed. Raven gazed sadly at him, knowing how hard he was taking this. They all were, but Beast Boy was the one that admired Robin as more than just his friend, but as a hero. To see your hero so close to snapping, it had to hurt. She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, sending him a small smile.

"He'll get through this somehow," Raven reassured him, surprised at how confident she sounded. "It might take a while, but we'll be there with him every step of the way."

Beast Boy smiled. "Yeah, you're right. It's Robin we're talking about. If anyone can beat trauma, it's him!"

Starfire visibly lifted. "Yes, Robin is strong."

They all smiled. Robin would get through this, and they would be there to make sure of it.

The sound of the door sliding open startled them, and they turned to see Robin standing there. A very injured Robin.

"Robin, what happened?" Starfire gasped, flying over to her boyfriend. "You are hurt!"

"It's fine, Star," Robin brushed it off, walking past her.

"At least let me heal your wounds," Raven offered. She kept her voice steady and emotionless as always. If there was anything Robin hated, it was being coddled.

Robin seemed to consider her offer. Then, he conceded, "Sure, thanks, Raven."

He walked past them to sit on the couch, missing their relieved smiles. Robin accepting help was a good sign. One small step in the right direction.

As Raven scanned for all his injuries, the rest settled around him. Starfire on his right, sitting close enough for him to be comfortable, Cyborg next to her, and Raven to his left. Beast Boy, ever the unorthodox one, morphed into a cat and settled in Robin's lap.

If Robin minded, he didn't show it. Not that Beast Boy thought he did, considering he was petting him softly. Robin may deny it, but he was totally an animal lover, Beast Boy grinned inside.

"All done," Raven signaled. Robin looked ready to get up but was stopped by Starfire's hand landing on his, gripping it gently.

"Robin," she started. "We need to talk."

Robin broke into a teasing grin. "You know that's how most break-up speeches start, right?"

"Oh, no!" Starfire denied vehemently. Her grip tightened, and Robin looked at her questioningly. "I will not be doing the 'breaking-up' anytime soon, i'vael. This is about-"

"What happened back there?" Cyborg cut in. He shot Starfire an apologetic look but continued. "I get that you were pissed, we all were, but what gives?"

Before Robin could set up his defenses, Beast Boy jumped off and morphed back. "Please, Robin. You can't keep ignoring this! We all hear you every time you have a nightmare! This isn't okay!"

Robin looked at him sharply. "What-"

"Animal hearing, dude," Beast Boy grinned weakly. "Don't try and change the subject either, mister!"

"I hate to say this," Raven sighed, "But Beast Boy's right."

"Hey!"

"What are you talking about?" Robin tried for a grin, but it fell into a grimace. "Nothing is wrong-"

"We tried to ignore it for your sake," Raven continued, "But it seems avoiding the problem isn't working anymore. You need to let it out of your system if you want this trauma to start healing. Bottling it up isn't doing you any good."

Starfire finally spoke up. "Raven is right, Robin. We tried to respect your boundaries, but you are not helping yourself, please, let us help you!" She turned her sad gaze to his own masked one. How she wished she could take off his mask to know what he was feeling.

Robin looked over each of them slowly. All he could see was their sad and desperate expressions, begging him to let them in. He released a slow breath and closed his eyes as he leaned back into the couch.

"I'm sorry," He breathed quietly, "You're right, I'm not okay. Not since Slade."

"I tried to get a read on your emotions when you snapped," Robin flinched at Raven's wording, but she kept going. "I felt nothing. It's like you weren't even there."

Robin looked away from her patient eyes. It was like she was looking right into his soul. To have such an intimate bond with someone, it was terrifying, especially now when he couldn't lie his way out of this.

"I wasn't," He answered. They had never heard their friend sound so down. They were so used to his confident smirk and haughty attitude, and to see him like this, like he was lost and confused, was painful.

"I…" Robin clenched his free fist, his other gripping Starfire's back. "I wasn't there, not really. When I saw that woman, what he did to her… It was like everything went blank. My emotions overwhelmed me, and I let them rule my actions."

"If that were the case, I would have felt that overwhelming emotion," Raven inquired.

"I know," Robin nodded. "But as I said, I wasn't really there. I was… reliving a memory, and those emotions drove me."

Understanding dawned on her. Robin felt empty because he wasn't there. He was inside a memory, and all his feelings remained there, leaving his mind to act on that memory's influence. Which begs the question…

"What was the memory?"

Robin tensed, and the team was willing to bet that he was glaring under his mask. "Raven-"

"No, Robin," Raven interrupted. "We need to know what triggered this so we can prevent it from happening again."

"Oh, so now it's about the poor criminals?" Robin snarled. He snatched his hand from Starfire's and stood abruptly. "You can't tell me he didn't deserve it! They all do!"

Cyborg spoke this time. "What is your deal, man? You never snap like that, even when it's Slade!"

Robin laughed sarcastically. "It's what I always do with Slade, Cy. You just never notice because he always separates me from you and he's stronger than me."

"Fine, but that doesn't mean you could-"

"I don't care if it's not okay!" Robin yelled. "He was a rapist. How many people do you think he raped before we caught him? How many did he impregnate? How many women will have to face shame and ridicule for what he's done to them?"

Starfire flinched. Robin had explained to her before what rape was, and the act horrified her. How could anyone force someone to be their partner? How could society shun the people that suffered so?

"Robin, I share your anger but this is unlike you," Starfire begged. "I wanted to hurt him as well, but you always tell us not to act on such emotions. What has caused this change?"

"It's nothing-"

"Beating a man halfway to death is not nothing," Cyborg crossed his arms.

"Yeah, dude," Beast Boy piped in. "You always hold back, but this time it was like it was personal."

Personal.

The realization struck them like lightning, quick and shocking. Robin couldn't control himself because this was a personal grudge. It couldn't have been the person because the man would have recognized him, so that had to mean…

Beast Boy felt his lunch rise to his mouth.

Robin was raped.

The silence returned, and Robin could only watch helplessly as his friends realized the truth behind his actions. They knew. They knew they knew they knew-

"That's what the memory was," Raven whispered. "You… you were raped."

Robin kept his gaze to the carpet, but he couldn't stop the shaking in his shoulders or the wetness in his eyes. He tried to call himself, but his intake sounded more like a choked sob.

"Oh, man," Cyborg breathed. "Rob, we didn't realize… I mean, who…?"

Robin didn't answer, but somehow they all knew the answer. The last few weeks rushed through their heads, specifically the first few days of Robin's freedom. The way he avoided large crowds, the way he always dressed his own wounds, the way he was never seen cuddling Starfire again, the way he avoided touch like it could burn him…

All of which occurred after they saved him from Slade.

The dread inside Cyborg was squashed under the sudden wave of anger burning through his veins. "That bastard! How could he do this to you?!"

Robin flinched under their gazes, and he had to stop his arms from automatically hugging himself in defense. He couldn't afford to look so weak in front of his friends, not after this revelation. But… But they already knew, so what was the point anymore?

Robin collapsed onto the couch again, slumping forward with his face in his hands. "I'm-I'm sorry," he choked out. "I just, I couldn't stand being rejected for this. I already pushed you with Red X, and then when I betrayed you… I couldn't face that shame again."

"How many women will have to face shame and ridicule for what he's done to them?"

Robin thought they'd reject him for this. He believed they would shun as soon as the truth came out. Because that's the reality of what happens.

They didn't know what to say. What do you say to someone that just revealed they were raped by the same man that held them captive for five months? Possibly multiple times as well?

Starfire was the one to step up. She settled down next to her boyfriend and placed a soft hand on his shoulder, testing the waters. When he didn't react negatively, she started, "On Tamaran, when warriors go through trauma and survive, they are celebrated."

Robin looked up from his hands, giving her a lost look that she so wanted to replace with his boyish grin again. She smiled sadly, "Because survival is a sign of bravery. Of strength. Of power. By surviving trauma, you have proven that you have the strength to keep living. And that is the bravest thing a warrior can do."

Robin clenched his fists. "I didn't survive. I'm not strong. Look at me! I'm barely holding on as it is-"

"But you're still here, aren't you?" Raven cut in. "You chose to live despite what happened."

"Isn't that all that matters?" Beast Boy finished with a grin.

"How can you say that?" Robin swallowed. "I didn't fight back! By the end of the day, I was his obedient little soldier! That is not bravery or strength! It's-"

"Survival."

Robin gave a startled look and looked up at Cyborg's smiling figure. Cyborg said, "What's it matter what you did if you survived in the end?"

"You guys saw me that day," He whispered. He lowered his eyes and stared blankly at the hands that almost killed his friends time and time again. "I gave up. You guys never gave up searching for me, and I gave up a month in. How cowardly is that?"

He laughed cynically, but the sobs that escaped him said otherwise. They looked for the right words to say, but Robin beat them to it.

"In the beginning, I fought back against everything. Every order he gave me, I spat at it and said 'no'. I honestly thought I could stick it out until you found me, but I was wrong," Robin's voice was low, but the pain and agony were loud and clear. He laughed bitterly, his eyes never meeting theirs. "Slade… Slade told me that if I kept disobeying him, he would have to take 'desperate measures'. I thought he meant he'd beat me black and blue or something, so I kept pushing because I honestly thought I could survive that. I've been tortured before, I could handle a simple beating."

Starfire's heart broke for the mess that was her boyfriend. He was trying so hard to keep it together, but his shoulders were shaking, as were his fists, he was sobbing quietly, though he might not realize, and there were tears on his face. She reached out to hold his hand, but he avoided the touch. Tears shone in her own eyes. This damage… would it ever be repaired? Can they ever be lovers again if Robin was so terrified of intimacy?

"One day," Robin swallowed, trying to muster the words. "One day, he finally snapped. I taunted him as usual, but instead of hitting me, he just grabbed me and started dragging me to a bedroom. I knew immediately what he would do."

A sudden weight in his lap startled him, and he looked toward the source to see a green cat, looking up at him with big green eyes that were wet with emotion. Robin cracked a small smile and stroked Beast Boy as he tried to collect himself.

"I've always known about his attraction to me. It was kind of hard to miss with the way he stared at me all the time, even the way he said my name was different. I just…" a sob escaped him, and then another, and another, until he couldn't stop. "I never wanted him to go that far."

"Robin," Raven whispered. Her voice was thick with emotion, so unlike her blank nature, and her poker face was replaced with silent tears. The wave of sadness he could feel through their bond was startling enough for him to jump when she placed a hand on his shoulder. "It wasn't your fault. I know you might think otherwise, but it wasn't. You never wanted this. You acted the same way any unwilling captive would. You somehow avoided the worst-case scenario of developing Stockholm syndrome, and that alone is an amazing feat."

Robin shook his head. "I could have stopped it by just obeying orders."

"So, why didn't you?"

The question surprised him, as it did the others, and he fumbled for a reply. "Because…"

"Because you believed in us," Raven smiled.

"No, I- If I did, I wouldn't have given up so quickly."

"Dude," Beast Boy stared at him in awe. When had he shifted? "You believed we would save you in time, so you kept fighting back even after he threatened you!"

Robin was honestly at a loss for words, so he could only nod silently in response. It was true, he did believe they would save him, it's why he kept pushing Slade's limits without any fear. But he'd still given up, and he hadn't lasted as long as he would've liked.

Starfire noticed his expression shifting and intervened. "Do not do the hating of yourself, Robin!"

His eyes wide, he could only stare. "How did you-"

"Please, we have been v'lorkna for so long, did you not think I would learn all your expressions by now?" Starfire smiled. Hesitantly, she reached out her hand. When he didn't show any signs of avoiding it, she placed it gently on his cheek and stared into his masked eyes. She could almost imagine his blue eyes shimmering with emotion. "It does not matter that you stopped fighting. What you did was not surrendering, it was adapting and surviving in an unknown land until you could escape. And you did."

"Starfire," he breathed.

"I am happy that you still found it in you to believe in us after we took so long," she said guiltily. "Had we not taken so long, you wouldn't have had to remain there for so long. But it will be okay now because we will be here to help you heal your scars."

She ended with a smile and a soft caress to his cheek. He leaned into her touch, the touch he'd begged for every night after the torture ended. He had dreamed of seeing her beautiful green eyes, hearing her sweet laughter, feeling her warm touch. He dreamed of all of them, but her mostly.

And then three other pairs of arms were wrapping around him, surrounding him in a cocoon of warmth. Of friendship. Of love.

And that's when he let himself sob freely into the arms of his friends, feeling safer than he ever had before. He doubted he would ever forget his time with Slade, but that doesn't mean that he can't learn to move on.

And slowly, with his friends by his side every step of the way, he will heal.