I always find myself constantly doubting myself and whether I make the right decisions or not. I overthink and once I'm supposed to go up and do whatever it was, I've talked myself out of it. For example, one year we took a family vacation to Six Flags in Texas, and I was about to get on a roller coaster, I was in line and everything, but as soon as it was my turn to get on, I chickened out because I had thought about all of the things that could go wrong. So, when it comes to intimacy, I love to read about it and I love to think about being that in love with someone to trust them enough, but I chicken out in the real world. I love Peter, don't get me wrong, but he has so much more experience than I do and I feel like I'm either not going to know what to do or he's going to compare me to Gen and decide that she's better and go and get back with her. I know that Peter loves me, and that he wants me to wait as long as I need to until I'm ready but I want to know what being that intimate with someone feels like, and if I had to choose one person to be that intimate with, it would FOR SURE be Peter. The fact that I'm in college and am still a virgin is shocking for some people, but its normal to me. I usually see Peter every other weekend when he can drive up here since I have no way to drive back home on my own since the freshman aren't allowed to have cars on campus. Peters driving up here tomorrow since neither of us have any classes for the next two days. While Peters here my roommates, Lily, Sasha, and Alex, all go off with their boyfriends or just go party all weekend so that me and Peter can have the room to ourselves.

This coming up Friday is mine and Peters 3-year anniversary, so, as a gift, I got a scrapbook and printed out all sorts of pictures of me and Peter over the 3 years and I put them all in the scrapbook, but I didn't think that was enough, and its not like I'm just giving him my virginity on a silver platter, we'll work our way up to that.

I was having a hard time trying to figure out what to write into the letter, so I thought it would be a good idea to write something like the letter that accidentally got sent to him in our sophomore year of high school, the thing that started it all.

So, in my letter, I wrote "Dear Peter, back in middle school, if someone would have told me that I'd be dating Peter Kavinsky from sophomore year to now, I would have said they were crazy. but now, I'm the crazy one. I know you've been very patient with me with being intimate but I want to tell you right now, I love you and I'm ready. for all of it. I want it. with you. I love you Peter Grant Kavinsky." And I truly do.

I think he'll love it.

The next day after we finish all of our classes, Peter starts his 4 hour drive up here from Virginia. Its hard, him not being here with me in North Carolina all the time, but it just makes us cherish the times we do see each other more. He just texted me about an hour ago and told me that he was leaving his moms house, which meant that I had about 2 ½ hours until he got here. While I was waiting for him to get here. I decided to bake some cookies that would be done by the time he got here.

As soon as I took the cookies off of the pan and put them on a tray, there was a knock at the door. I knew it was Peter so as soon as I opened the door, I jumped into his arms. He stumbled back a little, but he caught me, like always. We just stood there, him holding the back of my thighs to hold me up on his waist, and in that moment, I knew that I was really ready to be with Peter Kavinsky in the most intimate and close way possible. He finally just carries me into my room since its obvious that I'm not getting off of him any time soon.

He takes me into my dorm and lays me down on my bed so that he's on top of me now.

"Well hello, Covey." He says before he kisses me.

"Hey, Kavinsky." I say with a smile.

He starts to kiss me and I wrap my arms around his neck again and deepen the kiss. The kiss starts to get really heated when he pulls away from the kiss and stiffs the air. "Do I smell Lara Jeans famous freshly baked cookies?" he says and then leans down to start his attack on my neck.

"Yep. They just got done, I made them specifically because you were going to be here soon." I say and then bring his mouth back to mine. "Oh…My…God…I have the best girlfriend in the world." He says in between kisses.

Before I know it, his shirt is on the floor and he's working on taking mine off. We've done this before, this time I'm ready to go further, but I have to physically make myself stop this before I end up giving him my virginity before I give him his anniversary present. "Peter." I say barely being able to get a word out due to him kissing and sucking on the sensitive spot right under my ear.

"Hmm?" He hums in response.

"Not now." I tell him talking about sex.

"I know, I just missed you." He says and plants a sweet and short kiss on my lips. He then slides off of me and puts my back against his bare chest because he knows this is my favorite way to lay with him.

"Soon. I promise." I tell him hinting at what I hope will happen later.

"I'm in no rush, Covey, I could wait for you forever, I love you." He says placing a kiss on the top of my head.

"I know Peter, I love you too." I say as I turn over and kiss his chest. "So, are we going to eat some cookies or just let them sit there and get all hard?"

"Oh my god, I missed your cookies so much." He says jumping up quickly.

"Even more than my kisses?" I say challenging him in a way.

"Well…." He says debating on what to say.

"Peter!" I say and swat him on his chest.

"I was just kidding, Covey! Of course, I love your kisses way more! In fact, I want one right now." He says and grabs my waist to pull me to him without hurting me. Then he pulled our bodies close so that there was no space left between us. "Then kiss me." I say against his lips. So, he did, he kissed me. The kiss was full of passion and love. I was in the middle of trying to kiss him back with the same passion when he pulled away from the kiss.

"Hey! Why'd you stop kissing me?" I said and pouted.

"For the greater good." He could obviously see that I was still confused and pouting, so he told me, "If I don't stop this now, I won't be able to stop myself from going further."

"Ugh, fine." I say fighting the urge to say that I don't care and to just take me right here, right now.