Sam knew exactly where to find his younger self, a small part of the house that created an almost hole-like area that was hidden from the wind. He spent hours in that place reading, away from everyone else when he needed the space.

He had outgrown it when he was about fifteen but stubbornly refused to accept that for a while, ignoring how it hurt his back.

Walking along the side of the house, Sam walked to the back where the hole was, smiling softly when he saw his younger self curled up inside of it as best as he could. When he moved into his own line of vision the younger Sam glared up at him.

Sighing Sam sat down on the ground instead, shifting in the gravel as it pressed into his skin through his clothes. Just hoping that he wasn't sitting on glass or anything else sharp, he just looked at his younger self, waiting for him to start.

He wasn't going to have to wait long, he remembered how too impatient he was back then.

"Why?" his younger self all but spat at him. "I had a plan. I was going to help stop the demon that killed mom, that killed Jess, and go back. Go back to having a normal life, having a safe life. Why?"

Sam knew that this was coming, knew that his younger self would erupt on him and demand answers, he could be vague to the others, he can't be vague to himself.

"Because there was another job to do," he said. "And after that there was another job, and another, and another, and another."

He let out a deep breath. "Because at the end of the day, there is no normal. There is no safe life, only not as dangerous and even then, it's a whole lot more dangerous than you want."

"It's because Dean needs you," he said, watching the emotion rush over his younger self's face. "And quite frankly? That's worth giving up all the normality there is."

"You avenge Jessica, and no, it doesn't get any easier." Sam told him. "I think about her all the time, I remember her all the time. I still miss her every day. The guilt doesn't leave, but it gets a bit easier to bear."

Sam took a deep breath, leaning back on his palms and staring up at the sky. "But at the end of the day, it's worth it. Because of the people that you save. Because of the monsters that'll never be able to hurt another person again. Because at the end of the day, you have Dean and he has you."

Sam moved his jaw from side to side, despite having already thought about saying everything, he still tried to find the right words to say. He couldn't tell too much, couldn't give too much of an insight into the future, so he treaded lightly.

"I've had the options sometimes," he said. "To leave the hunting life, get a normal life. Maybe even go back to school. But I didn't, I didn't want that anymore. Because Deans are not going to be a part of it, because I've made peace with my life and my role in everything."

"I'm not saying that it's going to be easy, I'm not saying that it's going to be good, I'm not even saying that you're going to be able to prepare for it because nothing is going to prepare you for the life you're going to lead." Sam told him. "But I am saying that it's worth it and I am saying that I am happy with my life."

Sam smiled at the disbelieving look on his younger selves face, heart clenching slightly for a moment as he remembered being that age. Maybe it was his time in the cage that warped his sense of time perception but it feels so much longer ago than it actually was.

"It's taken me some time, but I can say this with certainty." Sam told himself firmly. "It's worth it all."

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