In Case You Didn't Know

Disclaimer - I do not own TMNT or any of the characters therein. Some VERY rich dude does.
Rating - Mature (Don't like. Do not read.)
Story Warnings - Swearing, Emotional distress, Injury, Tcest, Fluff, Romance, (Don't like these topics? Do not read.)
Pairings - Raph X Leo (Don't like? Do not read.)
Universe - 2003
Ages - Teens in the beginning, Adults over 21 at the end

Summary - Raph works through some emotional turmoil when Leo is injured.

In Case You Didn't Know

As silent as the shadows he lived in, Raphael moved across the floor of the old farmhouse living room. He placed two more logs in the fireplace, stirring the embers until small flames licked hungrily at the well seasoned wood. He stood, checking to make sure his actions hadn't disturbed the still form lying in quiet slumber on the sofa before returning the poker to it's stand.

With graceful movements that belied his massive build, the emerald turtle settled into the dusty over stuffed chair closest to said sleeping turtle; the fabric still warm from Splinter's hours long vigil. He pulled the moth-eaten afghan from the back, draping it over his legs against the chill of the night air.

A floorboard creaked upstairs. Raph looked towards the door, half expecting his father to walk in, and order him back to bed. The sound didn't repeat itself, and the emerald turtle eased back into the chair telling himself it was nothing more than the old house settling.

Not that he cared whether or not the noise was the house settling, or someone moving around. He wasn't going anywhere.

Yes, Splinter had said Leo needed to rest, and right now, given his current state of mind, the brawler would probably throw anyone who came near his brother right out the front door on their ass just to ensure Leo WASN'T disturbed. His father included.

Raph got that Leo needed to heal, but he wasn't leaving. He wasn't going to disturb his injured brother. He was just going to sit right there in that chair. He needed to be close. He needed to actually see the rise and fall of Leo's chest.

He needed to be reassured that his brother was still alive.

When Leo came flying through April's window broken and battered, Raph had feared the worst. And everything that had happened after that, battling Shredder along with both his Elite guard and cannon fodder soldiers, dealing with Hun, and escaping April's shop seconds before it exploded had done nothing to alleviate that fear. If anything, it had grown.

Donnie and Mikey were finally upstairs tucked into bed. The two exhausted turtles were sleeping soundly, having fallen asleep almost the second their heads hit the pillow. Raph doubted either one would remember him coming in to check on them moments after they had gone to bed, let alone that he was the one who had pulled their blankets up to keep them warm during the night.

He didn't begrudge his younger brothers their ability to sleep at all. In fact, he envied it. He longed for the total oblivion only sleep could give.

Raph jerked slightly, shaking himself alert. He rubbed a tired hand across his eyes, stifling a yawn.

No matter how tired he was, he couldn't sleep. He wouldn't. He was too wound up. Every time he closed his eyes all he saw was Leo, bruised and bloody, gasping for air in a glass covered heap on April's living room floor. Seeing his brother lying there, more dead than alive, had been traumatic enough the first go around, he had no want, wish, nor desire to relive it in his dreams, thank you very much.

So here he sat, trying to keep his personal demons at bay under the guise of watching over his big brother.

Fucking hypocrite.

A quiet sigh snapped his attention back to the sofa. Leo still slept soundly, but his blanket had shifted, leaving one side of the injured turtle exposed to the merciless cold of the winter's night.

Scowling, Raph stood. He adjusted Leo's blanket, went to the closet where Casey said his grandmother stored her extras, and pulled out two more. He then threw another log on the fire, adjusting the remnants from the previous logs to make it catch quicker.

His scowl deepened.

Couldn't the damned universe cut them some freaking slack!? Just for five damn minutes?!

He jabbed angrily at the fire, sending a spray of sparks up the chimney.

Wasn't his brother lying there bruised, bleeding, and covered in bandages enough for one damn day!? Did turtle luck have to try and freeze them too?!

He tossed one more log on the fire for good measure.

Raph pulled his chair closer to the sofa before sitting back down. He stared at Leo.

Something wasn't right.

He jerked forward, pulling the green and red scarf from around his neck. Very carefully he draped it over Leo's pillow around the top of his brother's bald head.

"Don't need ya gettin' a cold on top a everyt'in' else," he muttered.

Once again settled in his chair, Raph watched his brother sleep, unknowingly counting the seconds between each rise of Leo's chest. He didn't even realize he was crying until he felt the chill from his damp mask creeping into his skin. He scrubbed harshly at his eyes with the back of his hand.

With a quiet sniff, he leaned over gently tucking the ends of the scarf in closer to his brother's neck.

"What 'm I gonna do wid ya, Fearless?" he softly growled. "Leave ya 'lone fer five seconds, an' ya go an' get yerself in all kinds a trouble. Ya gotta learn ta take better care a yaself, Leo. Whadda ya 'xpect me ta do, be yer damn watchdog fer da rest a yer life?

Blinking against the burning in his eyes, Raph reached up, lightly stroking his brother's bruised forehead.

"I would, ya know. If ya'd let me."

Leo was badly injured and needed to rest, but he was still a ninja constantly alert for danger. Fully aware of that little fact of life, Raph still couldn't bring himself to remove his hand from his brother's forehead. The warmth of Leo's skin helped soothe the fear trying to gnaw it's way up from the pit of his stomach.

"Why do ya do shit like dis, Leo? Yer always tellin' me not ta go topside alone, an' den ya go an' do da same damn t'in'? Why didn't ya ask me ta go wid ya? Am I dat much of a pain?"

Raph drew a deep shuddering breath, struggling to keep his emotions in check.

"I know da reason ya get mad when I go out 'lone is cuz ya don't want me ta get hurt, but didja ever stop an' t'ink maybe I feel da same way 'bout you?"

He brushed the side of his thumb along the edge of Leo's eyeridge.

Seeing the difference in their skin tones, the corner of Raph's mouth curled up in a lopsided smile. They blended so well together, complementing one another perfectly. He'd never really noticed before.

It reminded him of the way he and Leo worked together, how they blended together so seamlessly.

"I don't fight wid ya cuz I'm mad at ya, Leo, or cuz I don't wanna follow orders. I do it ta keep yer stubborn ass safe."

Raph's smile grew. It felt good to finally say that.

"Yer so busy tryin' ta make sure da rest a us get home in one piece, ya ferget 'bout yerself. How many times have ya taken a hit fer one a us? How many times have ya told us ta retreat, den stayed behind ta make sure we DO get out? Well, here's a newsflash fer ya, Fearless. I don't stay behind cuz I'm a sadistic bastard who gets off on hurtin' people. I stay behind cuz I know you'll leave jus' ta make sure I don't get hurt."

He could just imagine what big brother would say had he been awake to hear that.

"A table can't balance wid one a da legs missin', Leo. Car can't run on jus' three wheels. Dey need all four. I know it's yer duty as oldest ta make sure we're okay, but didja ever stop ta t'ink how NOT okay we'd be widout ya? We wouldn't work right jus' da three a us; we'd be broken. Don't ya get dat?"

Raph started, hearing the first tell tale pings of sleet hitting the window. He felt a flash of worry for his injured brother, calming only slightly when he realized they had brought pretty much everything they would need with them.

"If we run low on food, I guess Don an' I can go huntin'," he muttered.

He glanced at the fireplace checking the wood before turning his attention back to Leo.

"Dere's a better chance of a snowball makin' it through Hell in one piece den dere is a ya changin' how ya are. So I decided ta tip da odds in yer favor, an' keep an eye on ya."

Leo's brow furrowed in semblance of a weak frown. Raph stayed quiet, gently caressing his brother's skin until it smoothed back into peaceful slumber.

"Yeah, yeah I know. Da first t'in' ya'd tell me is ya don't need me watchin' out fer ya. Ya might jus' wanna ret'ink dat, Fearless. Look what happened da first time I DIDN'T."

Raph very softly cleared his throat, trying to ease the pressure of the sudden lump.

"I should've gone wid ya on dat run. Ya got hurt cuz a me."

Raph's hands tightened into white knuckled fists. A single tear slipped from the corner of his eye.

"Why didn't I sneak out after ya?"

Leo whimpered softly. His hands twitched, making small, rapid movements as if he were in a fight for his life. His blankets slipped again, leaving his shoulders exposed to the chilly air.

"Shh, yer safe now," Raph soothed, pulling the blankets back up into place.

He sat back, propping his elbow on the arm of the chair, resting his chin on his fist. Raph scowled as he watched his brother.

Leo wasn't calming. If anything, he was becoming more agitated.

For a brief moment the brawler considered taking his emotional baggage, and going back upstairs leaving his brother to sleep in peace.

He shook his head, and sighed.

That wouldn't solve a damn thing.

He scowled at the fire.

There'd just be two agitated turtles if he left before he was satisfied his brother was alright. And right now, Leo was anything but alright.

Raph reached out, placing his hand back on his brother's forehead.

"Ya gotta calm down, bro," Raph's voice sounded almost pleading. "Yer not gonna get better unless ya give yerself time ta heal."

Maybe it was his touch. Maybe it was his voice. Maybe it was simply the exhaustion from being beaten nigh unto death, but whatever the reason, Leo seemed to settle, giving a soft sigh as he relaxed back into the sofa cushions. If not for the slight tightening at the corners of his brother's eyes, Raph would have thought Leo had fallen back into a deep sleep.

He sat silently for several minutes, as still and unmoving as a mountain, wondering if his brother was really asleep, or just pretending. That would most certainly be something Leo would try to do, comfort everyone else while he himself was so badly injured.

Since there was really nothing he could do about it either way, Raph figured he may as well go with it.

"I'm not gonna stop, Leo. So ya can jus' save yer breath, an' quit yer bitchin'." Raph watched closely for any sign his fearless leader was playing 'possum. "Dis time ya jus' got hurt. What 'bout next time? Or da time after dat? Not all injuries heal, Leo. Jus' like not all injuries kill. Sometimes dey leave ya somewhere in da middle, breathin' but dead inside. What if ya lose a leg, or an arm? What if ya end up blind? Ye might still be alive, bro, but we both know ya wouldn't be you anymore. YOU would be gone."

He paused, struggling to get the next few words out. "I wouldn't know how ta function wid ya gone, Leo. I know I can live dis world widout ya. But just so ya know, I don't wanna try."

Watching the snow swirl outside the grime covered window, Raphael confessed his deepest secret. "I love you, Leonardo."

A thousand emotions raced through Raph's mind. Fear, guilt. Anger. Hope, love. Desire. But strongest of them all was determination. He had crossed the line he swore to never tread. Did the one thing he vowed never to do. Time itself seemed to stand still, as if the very elements themselves knew there was no turning back.

Raph just hoped Leo really was asleep.

"I picked a helluva time ta tell ya dis, huh?" Raph chuckled humorlessly. "Damn, what a coward. It only took two months once we started goin' topside fer me ta take down someone pointin' a gun at me, but it takes four years, an' ya almost dyin' fer me ta say dat... And den yer not even awake." Another dry chuckle covered the sound of sleet hitting the window. "Some big, bad ninja I turned out ta be; can't even talk ta my own brother. I can eat Don's baked ham no problem, but I'm sweatin' bullets jus' ta say 'I love you'."

He wasn't sure between the popping of the fire and the sleet hitting the window, but Raph could have sworn Leo made a noise that sounded a lot like a giggle.

Raph slipped a hand under Leo's blankets, checking his brother's body temperature.

Being stuck in a dilapidated old farmhouse with no heat during a blizzard was not a good situation for anyone by any means, let alone cold-blooded, mutant reptiles. Then you add someone as injured as Leo into the mix, that's just a disaster waiting to happen. The danger wasn't just in keeping Leo warm, but also in making sure he didn't get overheated.

"Let's get one a dese offa ya, bro," Raph removed a blanket, folding it, and laying it across the back of the sofa. "Ya come down wid somet'in' cuz I wasn't payin' attention, Donnie'll kick my shell."

He smiled at the soft whine of protest coming from his brother as Leo scooted deeper into the warmth of the sofa.

"Don't worry. I got ya." Raph gently stroked his brother's head, frowning at the bruises turning the leaf green color he adored a sickly shade of green. "I'll make sure ya stay warm."

The emerald turtle wasn't the least bit surprised by the contented sigh that followed.

Sitting there beside his brother, ignoring the entire rest of the world to watch over him, he felt the exact same way.

"I know yer always sayin' yer nuttin' special. Dat yer jus' you, but... I wish ya could see yerself da way I do, Leo," Raph didn't try to stop the emotion that crept into his voice. "Damn, bro. Yer amazin'!"

The grin on Raph's face easily translated into his voice.

"Ya've mastered nearly all a Master Splinter's weapons. Ya learn every new technique as soon as Sensei shows us. Ya know what da dirtbags're plannin' even before dey do."

The adoration in Raph's voice grew with each word he spoke.

"Not only do ya know when Splinter's feelin' bad, but ya know jus' what ta do ta help. Ya always know when Donnie's skipped dinner, or Mikey's havin' a nightmare. Ya even know when I need ta blow off some steam half da time before I do. Yer kind, considerate..." Raph suddenly just stopped, and stared. "Yer damn near perfect," he said, his voice barely a whisper.

Slowly, Raph pulled his hand back, as if suddenly afraid his touch alone would cause his brother pain.

"Why would someone like you want anyt'in' ta do wid someone like me?"

The room grew silent. The crackle of the fire, and the ping of sleet faded away to nothing as Raphael Hamato, the fierce and powerful protector of his family, stared at the floor looking lost, and dejected.

"Why wouldn't I want everything to do with someone like you?"

The unexpected sound of his brother's voice startled the emerald turtle bad enough he sent the heavy chair he had been sitting in clattering across the floor.

Biting back a laugh, Leo continued before his brother had a chance to recover. "You're kind, caring, loyal, strong, persistent... Why wouldn't I treasure someone like that?"

Raph felt his cheeks start to burn. "I'm brash, impatient, stubborn, got a temper..."

"And you would do anything to keep your family safe," Leo smiled. "You love us so much, you can't express it," he said softly. "And that makes you mad."

Raph shrugged, scowling angrily out the window. "I'm nuttin' special."

Slowly Leo pulled his hand out from under the blankets. He tried hard to hide how difficult that simple movement was from his brother, watching closely to see if Raphael noticed the struggle.

"Yes, you ARE special, Raphael. Very, VERY special," Leo reached out. "You're my brother."

Raph watched as his hand moved of it's own accord to take Leo's. Slowly, he looked up into his brother's tired, but happy eyes.

"And I love you," Leo said softly.

His heart began to pound.

"Breathe, Raph."

He gasped, taking in deep lungfuls of air.

"Like ya said. I'm yer brother."

"It's more than that..."

He watched as a leaf green thumb stroked across his knuckles trying to figure out why his hand was shaking.

"If you want it to be."

It was so like Leo, leaving it up to him.

"I want it ta be," Raph whispered.

He raised his eyes. A smile slowly spread across his face as he tightened his hold on Leo's hand.

"I really, really want it ta be."

It was getting colder.

Raph tucked the blanket down tighter around his legs as he glanced out the farmhouse window. The outside glass glistened with a thin sheen of ice with snow building up on the sill.

The storm was getting worse.

He looked at the clock sitting on the mantelpiece. A quarter past midnight. Right on schedule, just like Donnie predicted.

Good thing they weren't planning on going anywhere. Not for a while anyway.

Out of habit, Raph checked the fireplace.

The flames danced merrily along the three fresh logs he had thrown on less than an hour ago.

He glanced at the wood box for what had to be the tenth time in the past hour.

It was still full.

With a heavy sigh, the emerald turtle started to get up out of his chair. He stopped, sitting back down with an audible plop.

No, he was NOT going to check the food in the kitchen. AGAIN. The only person up was him, and he sure as shell hadn't been in there eating a damn thing.

He tucked the blanket back under his legs with angry jabs.

The damn food in the kitchen was just FINE!

With a sound that could only be described as a snarl, Raph ripped the blanket off his legs, throwing it to the floor. Light from the refrigerator soon cast a warm, gentle glow on the floor near the doorway.

A soft snort came from the blanket wrapped form lying on the sofa.

Quietly cursing himself for being an over-protective, paranoid idiot, Raph settled back into his chair. Satisfied everything was as secure as he could possibly make it, he turned his attention back to the sofa. He watched the slow rise and fall of the blankets for several seconds.

He sighed heavily. "Fuckin' deja vu," he muttered.

"Ya gotta stop doin' shit like dis, Leo," Raph smoothed the blankets around his brother's shoulders, tucking them snug under Leo's chin. "It's gettin' old."

An emerald green hand settled lightly against the top of Leo's head, being very careful of the seemingly endless bruises marring the leaf green skin. Raph's thumb gently caressed along the edge of a red tinged bandage protecting the stitched wound underneath.

"When are ya gonna learn?" Raph slowly shook his head. "Yeah, yeah. I know. Snowball's chance in Hell."

Raph kept his hand on Leo's head, unsure whether he was giving comfort, or getting it. He smirked; he was probably getting more than he was giving if he was giving any at all considering Leo was asleep. Either way, it didn't matter. Leo wouldn't care even if he had been awake.

"At least it's not as bad as it coulda been. Not as bad as da first time. I guess dere's some benefit ta sharin' a bed wid da biggest badass in da city."

Raph sat back in his chair, propping his forearms on the arms, letting his hands hang loose over his thighs. The position made his wrist ache, but he didn't care. He'd get some more of Donnie's cream in the morning. It usually helped.

Time seemed to stop as Raph gave in to his emotions. Eyes fixed on the floor, the emerald turtle let his mind drift through memories of the past. Past battles. Past fears. Past victories, and defeats. Past joys. Each one showed unknowingly on his face to be observed by a silent watcher.

"Do I look like that when I'm the one sitting there?"

Raph's eyes darted up, locking onto his brother's bruised and bandaged face.

"Because if it is, it's a wonder I don't have an ulcer."

"Ya probably do." Raph leaned up, running a hand over Leo's forehead. "Yer supposed ta be sleepin', Fearless, or did ya ferget dat?"

"You stopped talking."

Apparently, a few things had changed over the years. The emerald turtle couldn't help but smile.

"How's your eye?" Leo quietly asked.

Raph frowned. "That was over six months ago, Leo. It's fine."

"I'm not brain damaged, Raph," Leo gently scolded. "I know it still bothers you."

The emerald brawler bite back his smart-assed remark, giving a non-committal grunt instead. "How's yer ribs? An' yer arm? An' yer leg. An'..."

"Okay, okay," Leo chuckled. "I get it. New injuries take precedence over old ones. Point made. Moving on." He sighed easing back onto the cushions. "It's not as bad as the first time. I'll heal."

Raph's expression didn't change much at Leo's comment, except to grow darker.

"It aches, just not too bad. Happy now?"

"I will be when ya stop actin' like a damned idiot."

"Keeping my brothers safe is NOT acting like a damned idiot."

They had had this very argument so many times over the years it no longer carried any heat.

Amber eyes watched hazel. They knew they would be here again. It was their job. It was what they did. And they weren't going to deny themselves by not doing it.

"You look cold," Leo held up a corner of his blanket in invitation.

"Couch isn't big enough."

There was a hint of longing in Raph's voice Leo readily picked up on.

"I can fix that."

Slipping his hand under the back cushions, Leo flipped them off the sofa, over himself, and into a well placed stack beside Raph's chair. He couldn't help but laugh at his brother's expression. Even after all these years, Fearless Leader was still full of surprises.

Raph kicked the cushions over in front of the sofa, laying them out along the floor. "So I don't land on my tail when I fall off," Raph said in answer to Leo's silent inquiry.

Leo couldn't help but chuckle, because he knew it was true. Alone or with someone, Raphael always fell off the sofa.

In record time the two brothers were cuddled up under the blankets. Leo's head lay on Raph's shoulder with the emerald turtle's arm wrapped around Leo's shoulders. It was familiar, and comfortable, and went a long way to making the last twenty-four hours feel like nothing more than a bad dream.

"Better?"

"Yup."

Leo had a sneaking suspicion Raph wasn't talking about being cold.

"Now dat ya got yer way, will ya go back ta sleep? Or do ya enjoy watchin' Donnie kick my shell?"

" No," Leo chuckled. "I don't enjoy watching Don kick your shell." With a contented sigh, the leaf green turtle snuggled into Raph's shoulder. "Talk."

"'Bout?"

"Anything. I sleep better when I can hear you."

Leo didn't look, but he felt Raph shift and knew his brother was watching him.

"Since when?"

"Since always. Didn't you find it odd I always took the room next to yours?"

Raph started to shrug, but changed his mind. He didn't want to jostle his brother. "Figured it was so ya could keep an eye on me if I tried ta sneak out."

"It was so I could hear you."

"Hmm... I never knew." Raph lay still listening to the sound of the fire, and the ping of ice on the windowpane. "Why me?" he asked softly.

He felt the side of Leo's face pressed against his shoulder lift in a smile.

"Because I don't want to try and live this world without you either... Just so you know."

Thanks for reading.