A/N: It's been awhile since I posted something due to extreme morning(day & night)sickness from my pregnancy, but I'm starting to feel a little bit better so I hope you like this. It's my first Dramione fic and I'm kind of excited. The story is a little crazy, don't take it too seriously…

Summary: While Hermione is stuck working in the Central Department of the Ministry with Ginny, someone is out to make her life even more miserable. With her still closeted gay best friend, a horny ex-boyfriend, her work wife and a duck, she tries to avoid being thrown into Azkaban while killing the culprit of all her problems.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my crazy/dirty mind…

Not my Department, Not my Problem

Chapter 1

Whoever thought that working in the Central Department of the Ministry of Magic was right up her alley, could sincerely go and rot somewhere, somewhere very dark, below ground and preferably someplace far away from her.

"Miss Granger, did you already follow up on the reports of that nasty case in Brisbane, the one with all the Muggles and that crazy case of garden gnomes?"

"For the thirteenth time, Andrew that report should have gone up to Padma Patil she is the head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, which should have been mine." The last part she uttered under her breath and she made sure that Andrew didn't hear a word about it.

Right after the war she didn't have it in her to take another year at Hogwarts, which was why she didn't receive any N.E.W.T.S., either you took the year and took the test or you started working for the Ministry immediately.

Harry and Ron started Auror training right away and destroying Voldemort and everything sure was a good thing to write on your resume, but in the end it didn't matter, in the end they only wanted to know how many N.E.W.T.S. you received.

Her dream had always been to work as head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, not as a head for the Central Department. But Padma Patil had finished her last year of Hogwarts and was granted the position in her stead. She cursed herself all over again.

Kingsley had told her that his hands had been tied and that he couldn't make her head even if he had wanted too. He might be the new Minister but the Wizengamot was breathing down his neck with every step he took.

Before she started working at the Ministry she hadn't even been aware of the Department she was currently in and soon she found out why. They were the garbage can of the Wizarding World. Every case, every problem, every Ministry worker that didn't fit, was dumped in her lap.

In the last month alone she had fired six people and Andrew was well on his way to becoming the seventh. The only thing that made it bearable to work there was the fact that Ginny was right there with her.

Ginny could have gone pro, she could have played for the Holyhead Harpies and she could have gone on tour with them. But instead she decided to stay home and take care of her broken family after Fred's dead. Only Hermione knew the real reason she stayed home and it had nothing to do with all the redheads currently living at the Burrow, or with her brothers dead.

It had all to do with the raven haired boy that was a few floors up, struggling to get through Auror training.

"Psst Hermione!" Ginny hissed at her from her right. The only good thing at the Central Department was that she probably had the biggest desk of the entire Ministry. Even Kingsley's wasn't this big. It felt only right to share it with her second in command.

"What?!" She hissed back, not irritated with her but with all the other dunderheads, loitering around the Department.

"Can I please fire this one?" She frowned at her friend, who was pointing not so subtlety to Andrew, but couldn't help but feel the corners of her mouth slightly starting to twitch.

She just shrugged her shoulders and gave her a nod to go right ahead, if Ginny wouldn't do it, she would probably do it herself before the day was through. Argh! She hated that she was this person now. Firing people was so not her. She wanted to help people, not toss them aside, but apparently even she had her limits, maybe it was good to learn them now while she was still young.

"Something has got to change around here!" She proclaimed but Ginny was already chasing after Andrew and of course nobody else was listening.

Slowly she looked around the room and counted at least sixteen more people that she wanted to kick right out of the Ministry because they just didn't do shit and only cocked things up even more than they already were. Who even hired all these people, it was absurd!

She made a mental note to find out where all these people came from and get to the source of this but first she needed some lunch.

"Ginny!" She screamed across the room. She could see a few people flinch when they heard her voice and the very small Slytherin part of her grinned with glee before she ignored them all. Fear before failure was her motto nowadays.

"What?!" Ginny shouted back and she couldn't hold back a snort, Ginny was more like her then anybody could have ever guessed.

"Meet me on the second floor in ten!" She yelled back and when she got back a nod she got out of her chair to wait for her friend in the hallway.

Just before she went through the door, she turned around and could see all the eyes in the office on her. "When we return and I don't see all of you behind your desks, doing god knows what, you can all follow Andrew right out this door. Do I make myself clear?" All thirty-seven heads nodded in unison and it reminded her of Snow-white and the Seven Dwarfs somehow.

"You should have seen their faces!" Ginny was doubled over from laughing while she grabbed Harry's arm for support. "They are all so scared of her!" The redhead was having the time of her life and she couldn't help but snort a little.

"I used to do homework with her, I'd be right scared too if I was in that office." Ron shivered with a grin and she used her old beaded handbag to whack him on the head, the one with the extension charm. "See!" He exclaimed.

Harry was supporting Ginny while laughing with her and tried at the same time to hold up his tray of food. "So you're telling me that the two of you are having lunch right now, while forcing them to keep working, you two are downright evil, are you sure you don't belong in Slytherin?"

Ginny quickly threw up her hands. "Hé, I'm just a very good employee, who listens to her boss."

"Oh yes, Miss-can-I-please-fire-Andrew, we should totally pity you." Hermione sneered and stuck out her tongue like a child.

They all ordered food and tried to find a table in the ruckus that was Wednesday lunch at the Ministry. Nobody really knew why but Wednesday's were the worst, apparently everybody had business at the Ministry on Wednesday's.

"Oh before I forget Mione, go to the Ministry ball with me next week, please." Ron asked her with his mouth full, almost spraying her with whatever was in there.

She grinned. "You do know we're not dating anymore, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, it was a bloody nightmare, I remember." He waved her off.

"It wasn't that bad…" She muttered, folding her arms across her chest, feeling just a tiny bit offended.

He just shrugged his shoulders. "Mione you were worse than my Mom, no offense."

Harry and Ginny were just following their exchange with great interest and probably making silent bets again on how long it would take for either of them to explode and start a fight.

"Geez Ron, thanks a lot you pig!" She wasn't aware that she was gripping the table with her fingers so hard that the whole thing started to shake.

She was aware though that Harry was kicking Ron underneath the table, trying to get him to stop talking. "I didn't mean it like that Mione, you know I love you and you're my best friend," He glanced over to Harry. "One of my best friends, but it's already going to be awkward and I rather have someone next to me who isn't annoying and not dating me because of this one," He pointed his thumb towards Harry, "And besides, you look bloody hot in those muggle dresses."

She lifted her eyebrows. "You also know that I'm not going to shag you again, right?" Using air quotes around the word shag.

"What the hell are you doing with your hands? Is that a muggle thing?"

This time it was Harry who went into a fit of laughter first and Ginny just shaking her head. "No, that's you being a dumbass big brother." Ron went red-faced and grumbled at his sister for making a fool out of him.

Hermione was still looking at him with her eyebrows raised and he quickly threw his hands in the air, disappointment obvious on his red face. "Yes Hermione, I heard you, no shagging."

"Thank Merlin," Muttered Harry when Ron finally signaled his defeat. "We all know how that ended last time!"

"Hé, we agreed not to talk about that ever again! Ginny, I think it's time to go and see how our flock of idiots is fairing, if they haven't already destroyed the office already." Hermione quickly jumped to her feet, not trying to think back of the incident after the remembrance ball of the War last year.

Harry and Ron also got back up, already complaining about their training routine and their pairing. When they started Auror training, they had expected to become each other's partners for the rest of their careers, but right at the start of it, they had been tested profoundly and they had received partners following the outcome of their tests.

Ron had been partnered with Seamus Finnegan, which according to Hermione was still the worst idea ever. Between Seamus' talent to blow things up and Ron's talent to muck things up, it was just a disaster waiting to happen. After all, it wouldn't be the first bad decision the Ministry ever made.

And while Ron was pretty happy with his partner, they weren't overly close but they had been roommates for six years, Harry had been furious with the Ministry for their choice in partners. Hermione couldn't blame him, Theodore Nott wouldn't have been her choice of partner either.

When the two of them returned to the office they weren't surprised to see that nobody was in their assigned seats, paper planes were flying everywhere, one way or another there was a pond with a duck in the middle of the office and there was smoke coming from the small kitchen in the back.

For a minute they stood dumbfounded in the opening of the office, frozen in shock, even third years at Hogwarts couldn't create this much havoc in so little time. "Kill me now." Hermione groaned.

"I'm not killing you that will leave me to deal with this…zoo." Ginny replied dryly.

"You could always kill yourself right after you killed me." Hermione rolled off her tongue.

"I knew they didn't call you the brightest witch of our age for nothing," Ginny grinned. "Always the problem solver."

Without further discussion Ginny turned her wand towards her throat, snapped a Sonorous and started barking out orders. Hermione just leaned back against the door frame and gave people the evil eye when they even dared to look at her.

"Evers, Smith, Grey, Bennett, Campbell, Grant, Jenkins and Roberts, OUT!" Ginny yelled while she pointed her finger towards the door. "RIGHT FUCKING NOW. AND DON'T BOTHER COMING BACK!" She added when they were hesitant to take the only exit present, where their (now ex-)boss was lounging. Apparently Ginny bosomed even more fear then Hermione could because they practically ran passed her on their way to freedom.

The remaining people in the office were all staring at the ground, trying not to move to attract any further attention. Ginny swirled around focusing on one person in particular. "Parker, I really expected better from you, you are going to write a detailed report on what exactly happened here when we were gone, it will be on my desk before the end of the day. As for the rest of you, start cleaning, I want this place spotless in the same amount of time it took you to destroy it in the first place. Oh and it will happen without your wands, from now on you will leave your wand with me when you enter the office in the morning and you'll get it back when you leave at the end of the day." A few faces eyed them with disbelief and she could see a few mouths open, as if to comment. "DON'T EVEN FUCKING THINK ABOUT IT! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? GO TO WORK!"

Ginny had dropped down into the nearest chair, massaging her temples when Hermione looked around the room for a second time. "Wait a second…" She did another take. "Where is Mister Turner?"

Another bout of silence. "I'm waiting," Her voice low and very clearly laced with venom.

It was a small woman around the age of fifty that finally pointed a trembling finger to the pond in the middle of the office and more precisely to the duck that was happily swimming around in it.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" She flicked her wand at the duck, levitating it right into the arms of the trembling woman and send them to St. Mungo's.

She seethed in anger for a few more seconds, told Ginny she would be back and made her way to the elevators. She had no idea where to start looking for the culprit of her problem but it was certain that these dunderheads were send to her on purpose and she was going to find out by whom.

It took her three more elevator rides, five sweeps through different departments and finally holding Percy Weasley in a headlock on another elevator ride, trying to assure him that it was a life or dead situation that she found out who send her all those employees, because surely one of these day's she was going to kill one of them, when she heard a voice from the back of the elevator.

"I was wondering how long it was going to take the bright Hermione Granger to catch on. What is it Granger, aren't you happy with all those workers that I send you? What is that muggle saying? More hands make light work…"

Absolutely seething with anger she turned around on her heels and her eyes met his in an instant that foul smirk decorating his ugly face. "I should have known," She spewed through gritted teeth. "Of course it's you! This time I'm really going to kill you, Malfoy!" She spat and Percy had barely enough time to grab the back of her robes when she launched at him.