My Lord,

I feel like I haven't spoken to you in an eternity, even though it's only been a week. How are you? Hopefully your retirement is going well now that you have your cathedral to yourself. Is the quiet what you were looking for? Were you looking for anything in the first place? Or, perhaps, did you not know what you were looking for until you finally had it?

Whatever the answers to those questions may be, I hope you've taken up journal reading. Every time I pray out loud to you Pride mocks me, and I'm getting kind of sick of it. I've decidee to just start talking to you here instead.

I have so much to tell you, and even more that I probably shouldn't. I know you've forgotten a lot on purpose. If I told you what's on my mind, would you have to forget that, too? If that were the case, it would probably be better to keep this to myself. I don't want to put you at risk with all of my nonsense. I never have. Yet, just by my existing, I have. I don't mean that in a "slit my wrists, I'm so angsty" sort of way, though I know it sounds that way - I mean it very seriously and literally. I caused this whole mess. Because of a me that I don't even really remember, I've caused so much pain and suffering. I've displaced, tilted, and outright ruined a lot of lives.

I need to fix this. How do I do that? How do I solve millenia of lost wars and fix mental shattering in those that I love? Kit-Ling would probably tell me that I don't fix it. Erebus, I can hear her now, "There is no fixing it. It's already been done, you can't change it. You just have to keep from messing up again." She doesn't give herself enough credit in the wisdom department, I swear. The problem is that I second guess myself. Constantly. How do I not when every step I've made just makes things worse, whatever the intentions may be?

I need to fix it. My Lord, I need to fix it. I just...I just don't know how.

Serah