Chapter Six

Deep breaths. It's what I do when I feel panicked but I'm not sure how much they help, because no matter how deep I breath it will not erase the past. I had been reading in the library for a few hours now. I skipped lunch because I wasn't hungry and also because I was deep into a book called "A Court of Thorns and Roses". It was also about a girl who was struggling to find her way in a fucked up world, and that was something I felt deep inside of myself.

The problem was that no matter how much I lost myself in my reading, I cannot seem to stop thinking about the message that Jacob sent me yesterday. I looked to my hands, watching a tremors shake through them. Rosalie said it was the effect of my yoyo-ing adrenaline, my trauma and promised that I would get better in time. However I am not so sure, because I honestly feel broken beyond repair.

I looked out the window, watching the cars that passed by and wondered if it was another spy sent to threaten me. I even looked into the neighbors windows, pondering if I could trust them or if they too could turn on me. They could even possibly be the people who sold me out or who might try to shoot me through the window in the future. I sighed, it really all was just too much to think about. No wonder my hands shake. I went to re-read the last page of my book, realizing that I had read it without absorbing a thing, when I heard a noise behind the library door.

"Bella?! Bella! Why can't I open the door?" Alice yelled. I looked to the door, the one which I barricaded shut with the spare couch and extra books in a moment of insecurity.

"I'm busy!" I shouted back.

"Bella, please open the door. It's time for you to eat and take some more medicine".

"I don't want anything at the moment. I promise I'll come down to dinner in a few hours" I said, trying to compromise.

"Bella, please! Don't make me have to get Rosalie or Edward" She shouted, but it was a hollow threat. I spent a solid hour barricading that door and was pretty confident that it would hold. Lord knows I exerted a lot of energy making it, and I added more and more weight even when I though it was unmovable. I just needed to be sure.

"Bella, what is going on?" Alice yelled but I didn't respond. How could I tell her that I made myself a fort. A little prison to seal myself in just so I could have a moment to breath and feel like I didn't have to constantly watch over my shoulder. I was promised safety here, but Jacob now knows where I live. It is only a matter of time until a real threat comes, and if history has taught me anything, it's that it is only a matter of time until someone sells me down the river.

I was blocking out Alice, pretending that I didn't hear her, when a movement on my left caught my eye. It was the book shelf swinging open like a door, and Edward stepped out. He brushed off his suit with his hands, trying to rid himself of the dust that was non-existent. He paused to take stock of the situation, looking between myself, who had made a cocoon out of blankets and the barricade of stuff blocking the door.

"Is this your handy work?" He said, pointing his thumb and the blocked door. I nodded, and pulled up my blankets to cover the bottom half of my face. The more I was hidden, the more I could hide my emotions. I just needed to keep my eyes open.

"If I knew there was a secret door, I wouldn't have bothered" I muttered as Edward took a seat next to me. He sprawled himself out, like he owned the space. Well, I guess it was his couch.

"Are you going to tell me what is going on in that head of yours?" He asked, and I shook my head. Feeling a little bit like a child having a tantrum, but also not caring. Edward sighed and rubbed his face.

"Look Bella, I know that yesterday rattled you but I keep telling you, you have nothing to worry about" He said. He then reached out and touched the top of my foot that was barely visible under the cocoon. My body jolted, not expecting the physical contact or kind words from the man who has been so up and down with me. It was gentle, and soft in a way which I had not been touched in a long time. I felt like I was filled with butterflies and overwhelmed by what this all meant. I quickly pulled my foot away while I tried to gather myself. Edward sighed and pulled his hand back. He sat with me for a while and after 10 minutes I gave up on trying to find the right thing to say.

"I'll just leave you be then, but make sure you come down soon to have some food and your therapy session" He said, patting my thigh like a friend and getting up to leave.

"Would you really risk your life for mine?" I blurted out, making Edward freeze half way across the room. He didn't turn around to speak to me, but I watched his back rise and fall with his breath. It took a moment, which was a moment of agony, because what would I do if he said no? I now know how deer must feel in hunting season, because even in their home they could not feel safe. Not trust. Because evil people wish them harm for no reason of their own.

"Yes I would" He eventually said.

"Why?" I asked, because to be honest I do not understand. It makes me a coward to say but I knew if I had to protect someone else from Jacob, I believed I would fail. I have been in that moment so many times. So many times I believed I would die, so many times I had the opportunity to turn this all around and yet I failed to act. Rosalie says that I am victim blaming but I cannot fight the thoughts of regret. So if I failed myself, how could I honestly expect someone else to rise for me? Someone whom I barely know?

"I would protect you Bella because I'm the devil. I have done terrible things and I know that people have a certain view of me, one that I deserve. But I have a moral code that I live by that Jacob doesn't. He is a fucking animal and a disgrace of a human being. I know people like him, and I know him. They don't know what they did to me, but I was always coming to collect a life debt. So yes Bella, I would protect you because the time for them has finally come" He said. He then looked at me, nodded and told me that he would not tell the others about the secret door. He would give me a bit more space until I was ready. It wasn't until after he left that I thought about his promise to me.

"I don't believe you" I whispered. It wasn't that he had done anything wrong. I was just too broken on the inside to ever give someone my trust again.

After an intense therapy session with Rosalie I was all cried out. I felt like a zombie, drained of all my energy and lacking the will to do anything but lie down. I was curled in a ball on my bed when Emmett barreled into my room. I told him to fuck off, that I wasn't in the mood for movies or games, but he had orders from Rosalie and was not giving up. I rolled over, ready to give him the cold shoulder, when he picked me up bridal style and marched me down the hall.

"Emmett! I said no!" I screamed, but he threw me down on the couch anyway. He laughed as I frowned, scrunching my face as I re-adjusted my blankets. I wanted alone time but apparently that was not going to happen.

"Rose said you are not allowed to wallow in your room all night. She also said that I should find something that would bring you joy and that is how we should spend our night. So what do you want to do?" He said, looking at me then gesturing to the piles of movies, video games and board games that he had brought out. I smiled a little on the inside, my heart warming for this big goof. He was really trying to help me and he was showing that in many ways, including blocking the door from scary looking men.

"I want junk food then. I want pizza and ice-cream sundaes and video games" I demanded. Emmett smiled, thinking about it for a while and then shouted for Jasper.

"WHAT?" He shouted bask from the kitchen.

"I want pizza and an ice-cream sundae!" Emmett asked, rather rudely but with a big smile on his face.

"Then make it yourself fat ass!" He yelled back, then cackled a real evil laugh. Emmett's smile faded for a second, then looked at his belly, checking for fat on his barrel trunked six pack. I smiled, a real smile once again and then looked at the video games on offer.

"The food is for Bella and I, you fat shaming prick" Emmett yelled, laughing a little as Jasper finally came to us. He wiped his hands on a kitchen towel, he looked disheveled and then I remembered that today was meal prep day for the week. The poor man had probably been cooking for hours.

"You know Edward will crack it. He was pretty strict with his healthy food orders" Jasper said, looking conflicted. He had already been told off for the sneaking me popcorn, but I don't think he really cared. All it took was for Emmett to swear that he order in the pizza, and Jasper caved. While he cooked, Emmett and I started to play The Witcher on Xbox. I had seen the TV series advertised all over Instagram and thought that slaying monsters would make me happy. After all, Edward had used monsters as a metaphor for Jacob earlier in the day I and thought I would enjoy killing that bastard over and over again. Turns out that the game is quite complex and after spending thirty minutes lost in the game, Emmett and I started to loose interest.

We took a break to eat our Pizzas and then our sundaes. Emmett complained because his was just banana and ice-cream while mine had sprinkles and cherries. Jasper said that I'm his girl so only I get the good stuff.

"Don't let Edward hear you say that, unless you have a death wish" Emmett said.

"Oh spare me! We all know Alice has me wrapped around her little finger. Bella is just my little sous chef, my right hand gal" Jasper said, ruffing my hair and he laughed and made his way back to the kitchen. I huffed and fixed my hair, then dug into food before Emmett stole it. I smiled, not only at the sweetness but also at these two men that had found their was into my heart. They were like the two brothers that I never had, and they brought me out of the dark hole that I have been trapped in for so long.

"Hey Emmett, why would Edward care if Jasper called me his girl?" I asked. Emmett froze, his spoon half way to his mouth before he then continued. He then looked down and brushed off my question, saying that it was just a silly joke. However I know a lie when I hear one and even I knew that I got a half truth. Emmett was clearly feeling uncomfortable though, so I let it go. After a heated debate we decided to finish the night by playing online halo. I was not very good at it, as I had never played before, but Jasper came out of kitchen to help me.

"Jasper! Jasper I think I'm dying!" I yelled as my screen turned red. Emmett and I were in separate areas of the game and I was left to fend for myself. Turns out that I don't have the skills because I was dying every two minutes.

"HE IS KILLING ME AGAIN!" I shouted loudly as Jasper tried to hide his laugh. I was frantically pushing the buttons, standing as I was jerking all over the couch, when Edward ripped open the large living room doors.

"My god Bella! I thought something happened to you" He sighed, his body physically relaxing as he walked closer to me, checking me all over for injuries.

"Get out of the way Edward! I'm losing" I said as I shoved him out of the way.

"Excuse me." He snapped, and my body froze. I was already dead now in the game and I only just clicked as to what I had done. I just shoved Edward in his home. The Edward! I tensed my body, waiting for the abuse to come my way. I disrespected him, in front of his guys. Good lord.

My legs collapsed from under me and I shielded my head.

"Please! I'm so sorry" I muttered, waiting for the blow to come. Instead I felt blankets drape over me and my body being lifted. I tensed, waiting for the pain that never came. Instead I was lifted on to Edward's lap, who had sat down on the couch. He rocked me, and patted my head until I opened my eyes. He smiled down at me, and that's when I saw it. The gentle side to Edward. The man who saw the broken parts of me, and who is really trying to help me. He didn't say anything about my reaction. He said that he was just joking and that he wasn't really mad.

"Now how about we pick this back up, play as a team and kill some mother fuckers" He said, wiggling the Xbox controller at me. I chuckled and agreed. I went to move off his lap but Edward held on to my hips. I felt like I was probably squashing him, or causing him discomfort, but it felt nice to be held. Just for a moment, I let myself enjoy it.

A/N: Thank-you all for reading this story and for all the wonderful reviews. They truly keep me going :) Unfortunately I have been very unwell, so I am sorry for the delay in this chapter. I will try my best to upload on time next week, but I may need to miss one week. I am very sorry in advance :)