A/N: Fuck, Fate/Requiem collab is here… Fuck, Fate/Requiem collab is here… Fuck, Fate/Requiem collab is here… Fuck, Fate/Requiem collab is here… Fuck, Fate/Requiem collab is here… Fuck, Fate/Requiem collab is here… Fuck, Fate/Requiem collab is here… W-WAIT?! K-KORE WA REQUIEM DA?!
Beta by ekaterina016… Beta by ekaterina016… Beta by ekaterina016… Beta by ekaterina016… Beta by ekaterina016…
Also, I got my first Alter Ego… You know who…
Gudao, Gudako, Mash, Olga: REEEEEEEEEE!
...in all seriousness, though, I am not sure if making Okita Alter coming to this Chaldea earlier is a good idea. It didn't help that, story-wise, her event happens after Solomon is finished. What do you guys think? I can kind of stretch it for Salieri and Hokusai, but Okita Alter may be over the limit. Maybe after the first Gudaguda event?
Gudako, the Supreme Master of Chaldea
Accursed First Day
"Okay, so let me get this straight," Artoria began. "Our Master-"
"Co-Master," Medusa quickly corrected, unwilling to be associated with this little abomination any more than recognizing her as a Co-Master.
"Right, Co-Master… had gone through this so-called 'Dimension of Salt', and she was transformed into…" Artoria gestured at Gudako's petrified stone form, as a result of Medusa taking her revenge.
"An abomination," Geronimo added for the King of Knight.
"...right. Now, she refuses to get 'fixed' because it grants her a wide array of powers, including the power of Divination ― is that correct?"
"Well, I am assuming it is Divination, but I honestly have no idea," Doctor Roman clarified. "Still, despite her antics, she had proven to be an invaluable ally after our sabotage and during the first mission."
"That's true," Da Vinci agreed. "But sacrificing the peace and quiet of Chaldea for the restoration of the Human Order was more than worth it, I say. Speaking of which, Gudao-kun, can you take the new Servants for a tour around Chaldea, and if possible, find some kind assignments for them to do?" The Caster instructed as it was the only proper thing to do, since the first batch Servants had also received a tour. Just for fairness's sake
"Eh? Me?" Gudao looked surprised, pointing at himself.
"Eh? Him?" Olga also looked surprised.
"I'm sorry Director, but you need to go back to the infirmary and do a proper check-up. We are still studying your new body… and you also need to rest," Da Vinci reminded. The white-haired girl pouted but nodded.
"I will go with you, if you don't mind," Medusa said. "My sister needs a doctor… and I need to go to the bathroom." Mapo Tofu, especially the spicy variant, was not a kind food for the stomach.
"Right; can you carry Gudako along as well? We need to do a check-up on her as well," the Caster requested. Medusa sighed but nodded, and walked over to ger her unconscious sister and her petrified Co-Master. "You can start the tour, Gudao-kun; don't let us keep you."
"R-Right," the boy affirmed.
The next moment, everyone found themselves outside of the Summoning Room. With Da Vinci, Olga, Medusa, Stheno, and Gudako leaving for the infirmary, and Roman headed toward to command center since he had a business there, it left Gudao and a few others to do as he was instructed: giving the new Servants a tour.
"Right, umm, we should get started," Gudao reminded.
"Go on ahead, Master. I promised to help the kitchen staff with their food preservation effort," EMIYA informed, saying reluctantly while making a subtle glance at Saber, "I will… see you guys later." He then walked away.
"It's the same for us," D'Eon told them. "A few of us promised to help with cleaning debris where normal human strength would not suffice." One must not forget this guy… girl… trap had A-Rank Strength. Lu Bu growled in affirmation; he, too, was tasked with the same oath.
"Alright, we will see you guys later. then," Gudao bid them goodbye.
That left him with only Geronimo, Ushi, Mash, and Lan Cu. "Don't worry, Master, we will help you out," Lan Cu reassured. After a short discussion with Mash of where to visit first, they soon departed and strolled down the hallway of Chaldea.
"So, how have you kids been since our adventure in Fuyuki?" Caster Cu asked.
"Oh, we are still struggling a little, Cas Cu-san, but-"
Quickly, Gudao was cut off by the Caster. "Kid, don't add 'san' to that nickname, and please just call us 'Cu' when we are not together." Caster Cu pointed his thumb between him and his Lancer self.
"Right, sorry. Anyways, as you can see, we are still trying to get the base up and running," Gudao continued.
"Well, I will help with whatever I can," Cas Cu offered. "Still I have one more question. When you used those tickets to summon, and the doctor told you to think about what you want in the Servants… what were you thinking about?"
"Probably thinking about strength," Caenis said with a smirk.
"I-I am not strong by any means." Scheherazade denied.
"Well…" Caenis held her chin while observing the Caster. "Huh, you might not be strong, but you're certainly easy on the eyes. Most girls here are, actually," the Lancer remarked with a smirk. The females edged away from her, but one of them wasn't willing to put up with that.
"You dare to ogle the divine form of the Pharaoh?! You got some nerve, cur!" Nitocris insulted.
"Hey, don't blame me on this. I mean, look at your get-up ― it's like you're going for a swim or something. It's hard not to stare… unlike that covered-up shrimp over there," Caenis motioned her head at Artoria.
"Such insolence! How dare you insult the King?!" Lancelot quickly stepped in to defend his liege.
"Ha! I am a king myself! Shouldn't you treat me with equal respect then, knight?" The Greek taunted. [1]
"You dare to compare yourself to the King of Britain himself!?" Lancelot continued to defend his king, though Artoria remained silent, likely waiting for this to sort itself out.
"King of Britain, huh?" Lakshmibai mused.
"What? Is that, like, important to you or something?" Caenis asked.
"Somewhat. It's just that… I used to fight the British," Lakshmibai informed. "But a 'he'? Your king is clearly a 'she'," the Rani of Jhansi pointed out the obvious.
"It's complicated," Artoria said.
"...is it because you have a dick?" Gudao asked without much consideration.
While most Servants turned to Gudao with an extremely shocked and confused look on their face, Geronimo came up behind Sakaki and the two Hassans, who were all at the tail end of the group, and offered them popcorn — he knew this would be fun to watch.
"Master…" Cas Cu began with a mixture of disgust and disappointment on his face. "What were the qualities in the Servants you thought of back when you're summoning them?" Gudao put on an expressionless visage. "Umm, let me guess… dark-skinned women? No?" Cas Cu asked, trying to ease his Master a little before fully answering — he's a bro like that regardless of Class.
Even though he's clearly dangling the bait he was so hoping someone else would take to KO this Master of his.
"So… you summoned us based on your preference in your partner?" Lakshmibai questioned, looking extremely disappointed and mildly disgusted.
"...how filthy…" Nitocris added, more visibly disgusted than the Rani.
"Still… he's got good taste," Caenis said, still observing Scheherazade up and down. The Caster began to shield her body from the gaze of Lancer with her staff and hands, futile as it was due to her… sizes. "Besides, who wouldn't want me as their partner? I'm awesome!" The Lancer bragged, then flexed her arms a little.
"By God, she might even be cruder and rougher than Mordred," Artoria commented quietly, while her loyal knight nodded.
"Umm… You're Caenis, right?" Mashu asked. "That means you are a guy… a girl… umm… Eh?"
"Ha! Yeah, I get that a lot." The Lancer then seemed to check Mash up and down. "Though, if you want to know more, you will have-"
"You have a dick, don't you?" Gudao asked dryly.
Now, everyone just narrowed their eyes at him.
"Master…" Cas Cu, as usual, broke the silence, mildly disappointed he had to deliver the punchline. "Please tell me you didn't only think about dicks while summoning."
That was no reply from his Master. Instead of answering, Gudao walked up to Paris who blinked at him innocently. The male Master shoved the sheep on top of Paris's head off, before picking up the boy and ran away. "DON'T BLAME ME, MASH! IT'S JUST WHO I AM!"
"SAVE ME! APOLLO-SAMA!" Paris screamed, and the sheep quickly ran after the boy.
"HE'S GOT THE SHOTA!" Lan Cu screamed.
"AFTER THEM!" Mashu screeched and took off. Despite that, only Mash, Ushi, Lan Cu, and Cas Cu ran after him.
The others just stood there, confused… until Geronimo began to walk after them at his own pace. "Let's go. We can walk after them, and I will give you guys the tour while we're catching up to them," he told them.
"Hold on, Caster," Artoria called out. "Just… Just what is really going on here? Even Master Gudao acts silly and nonsensical, it's-"
"Absurd?" 'Gerry' cut her off. The King of Knights nodded. The Native American took a handful of popcorn into his mouth before continuing with his mouth full. "Yeah, I think it might have something to do with Gudako, that Co-Master of yours. She seems to be able to bend reality as she wishes ― it might have altered Mash and Master Gudao a little."
"You called that 'a little'?" Sasaki questioned.
"Yes," Geronimo replied dryly and walked off while gesturing for the others to follow. "Come, people, we don't have all day."
Seeing no alternatives, everyone followed the Native American while contemplating their future life here.
Eventually, all the Servants caught up to their Master in the generator room, where hundreds of machines produced the energy supplying the facilities. There was a large clearing at the entry of the chamber. It was here they met Babbage, and it was the metal Caster who had helped apprehending Gudao. Now, the male Master was unconscious and tied up, while Paris was crying and hugging his sheep like a stuffed toy for comfort.
"Target subdued," Babbage informed while tightening the rope around Gudao.
"So that… *sniff*… so that's how Helen felt… *sniff*…" Paris cried while the sheep baa-ed as a reply.
"D-Don't worry, you are safe now," Mata Hari comforted the young Archer while pulling him into a hug. Charlotte followed suit and gave the boy a double-hug; gods knew he needed it after that… gods knew he didn't deserve it after Troy.
"To have a Master like this… what a disgrace," Nitocris muttered.
"I have had worse," Artoria commented. "But I digress, since there are more pressing matters to resolve."
"Pfft, people around here like to use big words, huh?" Caenis scoffed.
Hearing the insult, Lancelot quickly came to the defense of his monarch. "Better than your-"
Artoria put her hand up to stop him. "Look, Lancer."
"Yea?" Lan Cu, Caenis, and Cas Cu replied at the same time, before looking at each other in confusion.
"Caenis, I mean Caenis," Artoria corrected. "And why are you replying? You're not even a Lancer anymore." The King of Knights directed that at Cas Cu.
"I'm, and will always be, a Lancer even if I am summoned in any other Class," Cas Cu answered with a single meniscus tear rolling down his cheek.
Saber just sighed. "Back to the topic. Caenis, I'm not looking for a fight. I can guarantee you that."
"Neither am I," the Lancer scoffed. "But the way you talk like you're above most people annoyed the living shit out of me. If you, and all of you high-and-mighty here, tone that down, then I will do the same."
"Fine," Artoria agreed. "I-"
"I refuse!" Nicrotis yelled. "It's unbecoming of Pharaoh to-"
"Ugh, you're even worse than this ru- I mean Saber. See, I can be civilized!" Caenis argued.
"You dare to interrupt the Pharaoh?!"
"And why the fuck should I give a shit about that!?"
The two quickly got into a small fight, while Artoria, Lancelot, and the two Cu tried to stop them. Paris was now looking rather comfortable between Mata Hari's and Charlotte's bosoms. Mash looked like she was going crazy and kept muttering repeatedly 'How am I supposed to get a dick?'. Babbage just continued to improve the Master's restraint, musing 'I wonder if I can make a rope out of steam.'
The rest just stood and watched all of this from afar like they were on crazy pills. Well, except Scheherazade, who had retreated into a corner and began fearing what her new life would be with colleagues like these.
Hassan of the Cursed Arm stepped forward. "We should interv-"
"Let me handle this," Geronimo spoke up. "Can I borrow your rifle?" He asked Lakshmibai. The Indian Saber raised an eyebrow, but nodded and tossed him her firearm. "Right, I will be back. Ushi, my friend, can you please go make sure Scheherazade-san is alright?"
"It shall be done," the Rider replied and walked over to comfort the buxom Caster.
Geronimo walked over to the arguing group, loading the bolt-action rifle as he approached them. Finally, upon reaching his destination, he aimed the weapon at Caenis's foot… and shot.
"FUCK?!" The Lancer screamed before falling down and clinging to her foot.
Nicotris laughed. "Serve you right, yo-" Then Geronimo shot Nitocris in the foot. "AGHH!" The female Pharaoh screamed and fell down, grabbing her feet as well.
There was a momentary silence… then he shot Arotoria and Lancelot in the foot as well. The King of Knight grunted in pain but still stood ― Lancelot, on the other hand, just fell down onto his back and screamed.
"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" Lan Cu yelled at the Caster.
"...misery loves company…"
Both Cu just sighed exasperatedly, but Lan Cu took a deep breath and said to Geronimo. "You know what, Gerry ― c-can I call you 'Gerry'?"
"Sure… it's not like anybody here respects me anyways…"
"I respect you," Cas Cu quickly countered, helping his younger self.
"Right! Um… Geronimo, how about you just take a day off? We will give them a proper tour, don't you worry," Lan Cu promised.
"...sure." With that, the native American turned around, gave the rifle back to Lakshmibai, and left.
"Alright, one down. Now, um… Mash-chan," Lan Cu called to the eternal kouhai and broke her out her chanting trance 'How do I get a dick?'. "How about you take Master Gudao to his room and let him rest? It's… damn, it's actually 4 P.M. Ahem! Anyway, why don't we let him rest? He might act strange now because he's just tired from summoning, that's all."
Mash took a deep breath and her mind became clearer. "Y-You're probably right, Lan Cu-san."
"I said don't call me-"
"He's probably just tired from mana exhaustion… Hehe… There's no way senpai is into dicks…" They felt like Mash was a little broken on the inside. "Don't worry, he just needs some rest, that's all." She picked up her tied-up senpai with ease and walked toward the exit. "Yes, he just needs a rest, a goodnight sleep, and a cuddle." At this point, everyone was creeped out by her. It sounded as if she was trying to convince herself her precious senpai wasn't a degenerate trap and shota lover. "All I need to do is get a tan. Yes, bronze or brown…" She kept on muttering darkly even as she left the room.
Lan Cu looked around. The commotion drew the attention of the engineers in the chamber, but they quickly got back to work upon seeing the issue resolved. Babbage was applying a healing spray of some sort to the four injured Heroic Spirit. The Lancer asked, "You people alright?"
"No, not alright in the slightest," Lancelot replied.
"Ugh, I hate this place," Nitocris complained.
"That shithead Caster… just wait till I got my hand on him," Caenis sneered.
"...can we just finish the tour?" Artoria tried to steer back to previous, saner, course of action.
"Sure, but do any of you need help walking around?" Cas Cu asked.
"Indeed," Babbage agreed. "My Healing Steam ― copyrighted, by the way ― needs a little while before taking its full effect. It would be best if someone supports you for a while."
"I can help with that." Hassan of the Hundred Faces offered and stepped forward. Four figures slowly faded into existence behind the Assassin. They looked similar to the two Hassan, but with minor differences here and there, such as the sex. The male ones resembled Cursed-Arm, while the female ones more like Hundred-Faces' female avatar; only the mask remained the same. "My personas can carry you all as we tour the facility."
"I will accept," Artoria replied. "Seeing I am not in a condition to-" She was cut off by Caenis who cleared her throat. "...yes, please support me… my foot is still hurt…"
"Guess you can keep your promise ― unlike some… bitchy Pharaoh." Nicotris only cursed back in her native tongue, too much in pain to yell. "Anyways, sure, I could use some help getting around."
"I thank you for the offer, but I have my own method," Nicotris declined. A golden staff materialized in her hand. She stabbed the end of the staff a few times before a portal opened. Several short creatures marched stiffly out of the portal, wearing a white cloak, and their only noticeable features were their eyes which looked more like an Ancient Egyptianhieroglyph.
"I'm sorry to trouble you, my esteemed Medjeds, but I am recuperating from a wound in the foot and would very much appreciate assistance in touring my new abode. Would you mind transporting me around this facility for a little while?" The Medjeds nodded, ignoring Caenis's audible groan. They quickly arranged their formation into something akin to a mobile pedestal. Nicotris carefully laid herself down on the bed made from the Medjeds, momentarily observing the others and couldn't help but put on a smug grin upon seeing the Hassan personas help supporting the limping Caenis toward the exit.
"Right, let's just get this tour over with," Lan Cu said, before leading them on.
"Oh, by Lugh! Finally, that was over!" Lan Cu breathed a sigh of relief and exhaustion as he sat at one of the cafeteria tables along with his group tour.
"You did a wonderful job, me," Cas Cu complimented.
"Thank you, me," Lan Cu replied with a satisfying smile.
'Great, now there's two of them.' Artoria thought, believing Lancer couldn't get any more annoying after the Fuyuki's War.
"Here, just take this and stuff it into your mouth," a new voice called. They all turned toward the source and discovered it to be none other than EMIYA, complete with white apron and towel bandana.
"What's with the getup? You look like a Ramen shop cook!" Lan Cu laughed.
"Yeah, yeah." The Archer ignored the Lancer and laid something down on the dinner table: a plate full of panini-style sandwiches. "Eat up, people. We are using as much bread as we can before they expire."
The alluring smell of the panini kicked all of them in the nose and made all the Servants present salivate.
"Well… if you insist." Cas Cu reached for one of the sandwiches, but another hand was quicker than his.
Artoria would do anything to taste Shirou's cooking again. She reached for the first sandwich and took a large bite out of it. As she slowly chewed, savoring the taste, her visage began to soften and her lips curled up into a soft smile; now, there seemed to be a pink flowery aura emitting from her.
After witnessing the power of EMIYA's cooking, everyone immediately reached for their own piece of the flour-based goodness. It was a basic ham, cheese, and lettuce panini, grilled to a crisp with dark lines adorning its surface. Everyone took a bite, and the flavor exploded in their mouth.
No praise was made, no argument in the air, no words were spoken, only the sound of vigorous chewing ― and to EMIYA, that was what he wanted to hear.
It was at this moment the Red Archer believed being here with two strange Masters might not be so bad…
He was wrong, of course, but for now, he enjoyed the moment.
A/N: Might be a while before I post the next chapter. First, I'm gonna' go farm Free Quest quartz and play EoR to increase my Skadi and Summer fund. Then, I also have another story I have to write. See you guys later.
[1] This is a line in FGO, but I can't find anything outside of Nasuverse after Googling.