Disclaimer: I don't own Calvin and Hobbes. Before this gets started, know this: things written by Calvin will look like this, things written by Hobbes will look like this, and things written by Susie will look like this.
The G.R.O.S.S. Club Handbook
written by the Dictator-for-Life Calvin
and President and First Tiger Hobbes
but mostly by Calvin
and Hobbes
More of Calvin than Hobbes
HOBBES!
CALVIN!
HOBBES!
CALVIN!
written by Calvin and Hobbes
Section I- The Basics of the Club
Article I: Here it shall be stated that the G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid Of Slimy girlS) club members are limited only to men of all species, excluding bugs, because they're like girls. There are minimum requirements. They are: A. You must be able to talk. 2. You must not have any affection to girls (amendment by President and First Tiger Hobbes: You can have affection for girls in your own species and in one other species.) (amendment by Dictator-for-Life Calvin: Only the Supreme Dictator-for-Life can add amendments) (amendment by President and First Tiger Hobbes: Well, dictators are smelly morons.) (amendment by Dictator-for-Life Calvin: Tigers are poop heads.) (amendment by President and First Tiger Hobbes: And dictators are potty mouths.) (amendment by Dictator-for-Life Calvin: Am not.)
Article II: The Dictator-for-Life shall not waste precious time of his by recording the minutes of the meetings that are held in the G.R.O.S.S. club's top secret location in the backyard in the third-tallest tree. Despite their constant biasism (President and First Tiger Hobbes would like to note that such a word does not exist) Club Secretaries will record the minutes. (President and First Tiger Hobbes would also like to note that Dictator's-for-Life are over-reactive.) (Dictator-for-Life Calvin would like to note that certain stripy flea bags had better keep their mouths shut.) (President and First Tiger Hobbes would like to remind Calvin that this is written and that Hobbes has neater handwriting than Calvin.) (Dictator-for-Life would like to note that Calvin nose how to spell.) (President and First Tiger Hobbes would like to comment on Calvin's grammar and homophone choices.)
Article III: All girls are slimy. Period. We're what? Go away, Susie. I've told you this before, Calvin- GIRLS AREN'T SLIMY! I said go away, Susie. I want to know what you're doing. HOBBES! ATTACK HWhy? Hobbes is too cute to kill anyone! DON'T JUST GRAB THE PEN WHEN I'M WRITING! GO AWAY SUSIE! You know that all of what we've been writing has been recorded. I'm aware of that, Hobbes. Now let's just get finished with Section II. "One" in Roman Numerals is I. I knew that.
Article IIII: Hobbes, "four" is IV. Oh, right. Article IV. Is there an article four? Yes. Of course there is. Then what is it? Girls are stupid. Brilliant, Calvin, brilliant. Well, let's just move on to Section II. But shouldn't this be longer? No. Fine- watch this.
Article V: All articles must have a point. Like this does? Of course it does. Now we can move on to Section II
Section II- Appointing Ranks
Article I: Calvin must be Dictator-for-Life. No exceptions. And this has a point? Yes, fuzz-head, it does. It states that I'm in command for life. Why can't I be in command? Because you're President- just under Dictator. I'm not sure if that's how it works… Of course it is! Now, I've got more stuff to write. Does it have a point? Of course it does. The Dictator-for-Life can give demerits to anyone. Demerits can be given to anyone below your rank. What does that have to do with appointing ranks? Mind your own beeswax. Bee's don't make wax. OH WHATEVER!
Article II: A person can have more than one rank. Oh! Oh! I want to be El Rey del Pirata del Tigre del Club Contra Muchachas! Since when could you speak Spanish? Since always. Where'd you learn it at? We felines pride ourselves with being the most intelligent- stop that coughing- breed of creatures in the world- and we tigers are at the top of that. So obviously, we know most things. Sure, Hobbes… A person can appoint himself a rank lower than his highest, and not any higher. Why not? Because that makes more sense, flea brain. Don't start with me again, Calvin…
Article Three: Write it as Article III, stupid. Article III, Stupid: Har har… Any rank can be immediately taken away- it's called "demotion"-and given to the taker-awaer. Is "awaer" even a word? Of course it is. I'm looking it up. HEY! THAT'S BREAKING RULE THIRTY-SEVEN OF G.R.O.S.S.! You know we haven't written the rules yet, of course… FINE! I'm sick of sitting up here! Let's finish this tomorrow. Duly recorded in the minutes.
Eh… not my best. And this takes forever to write- so don't expect me to crank out chapters like that. This is mainly just for fun. R&R please!