Apologies for the delay in getting this chapter out, it did not want to be written!

And while the second half still seems kind of rushed to me, I had had quite enough of forcing poor Ben through all the feels that he experiences in this chapter. Force preserve me, we will eventually get to a point where Ben doesn't cry/breakdown every other chapter, I swear!

Anyways, enjoy!

Chapter 11

"On Jakku, I found BB-8 out in the desert being taken by another scavenger. I saved him and then brought him to Niima Outpost in an attempt to find whoever he belonged to." Rey exhales explosively. "When I didn't turn him over to Unkar Plutt, he sent thugs after us as the First Order was already looking for BB-8. While dealing with said thugs, BB-8 spotted someone wearing the jacket he'd last seen Poe in, so I confronted them."

"That hurt, by the way," Finn mutters under his breath.

She shoots him an unimpressed look. "It was supposed to. In any event, Finn managed to tell us that he'd helped Poe escape the Finalizer, but that he couldn't find Poe anywhere around the crash sight of the TIE fighter they'd stolen and so assumed that he was dead. By that point, the First Order had caught up with us, so we were forced to run." A wry smile stretches across her lips. "We ended up stealing a ship that I'd long considered a hunk of garbage. Turns out it was the Falcon. We dealt with the TIE fighters trying to shoot us out of the sky and managed to leave Jakku in one piece."

Finn interjects again. "You're forgetting the fact that you flew us through a downed Star Destroyer to achieve that."

Ben jerks beside her. "You did what?"

"The gun was jammed. It was the only way to give Finn a clear shot." She twists to frown at him. "You didn't know that already?"

Ben shakes his head. "No one ever mentioned that particular fact to me."

"Probably because of your...ah...temper issues," the former stormtrooper points out.

"Ah." Ben blinks a few times. "Now that I think about it, I did destroy a control panel when I was told that you had managed to evade capture along with BB-8. I was even more livid when Rey was mentioned. Probably for the best that I wasn't told just how badly my troopers got schooled."

Now that he's said it, it doesn't actually surprise Rey. She vividly remembers just how volatile his temper had been in those early days. It hadn't really gotten any better, but he'd gotten slightly better at controlling it. "In any event, once we were clear of Jakku, Han found us."

"Hey now, you didn't mention Ben joining you," Han immediately protests.

Rey fixes a flat and unyielding look on the man. "He wasn't with us then."

"No, I was heading to Starkiller Base aboard the Finalizer to meet with General Hux and Supreme Leader Snoke," Ben says softly. "Hux then suggested using the weapon built into the planet to destroy the government of the New Republic and the Resistance. Snoke gave him permission to do so."

"Son, that doesn't make any sense. You were on the Falcon with Rey and Finn."

Ben's grip on Rey's hand starts borderlining on painful, but Rey doesn't mention it. She needs the reassurance just as much as he does. "The first time I saw you after you left me with Luke was on Starkiller Base and you tried unsuccessfully to call me home."

Now Han's starting to get agitated for all that Leia lays a hand in warning on his leg. "I didn't go to Starkiller Base, you made me stay with your mom on D'Qar."

"Because last time I killed you on Starkiller Base on Snoke's orders!" Ben explodes, springing to his feet. "Excuse me for making sure Snoke couldn't get you a second time!"

That sparks movement all around the room.

Karé immediately leaps up out of her seat as well, placing herself between Ben and her generals. Her blaster is drawn for all that she points it towards the ground. She watches Ben with a wary, trained gaze that has Rey putting herself between them with a hand resting on the saber on her belt. This has Karé flickering between her and her dyad partner, which is what Rey wants. It might take a while, but people will learn that to threaten Ben is to threaten her as well.

"Everyone, stand down," Poe barks, looking sharply at Karé and Chewie who's also standing now. The Wookie has placed himself right in front of Luke, who's staring at Ben in utter horror. It makes Rey want to knock him unconscious again, because no one is allowed to look at her partner like that. Like he's just a ticking bomb about to explode. "We mentioned that there would be things you'd have to believe for yourself before this all started. That includes people dying."

"Dameron, you're speaking of deaths as though they've already happened and yet Han is alive," Leia states flatly. "That doesn't fit into this story of yours."

Rey sucks in a deep breath before meeting the General's gaze. "In 85 ABY, I went to Ahch-To to die." Surprise ricochets through every being present not already in the know and Rey is grimly pleased to have their full attention. "I assumed I released myself into the Force. Instead, a mere moment passed and I abruptly found myself on Jakku again the day my life changed from being a simple scavenger to something more."

Finn's half stifled moan at the mention of her second death is the only sound made for a good few moments after her revelation.

"Fifty years?" Ben whispers hoarsely, a hand on her shoulder turning her to face him. His expression is just as broken as it had been back when they were kneeling in the sand on Jakku. "You lived—"

Rey bows her neck and presses her forehead against his steadily beating heart. "I lived my life for you, Ben." A harsh sob tears its way out of her throat, despite her poor attempt to silence it. In the few days it's been since her entire world upended, they haven't really discussed the years she'd been alone. Even being able to feel his heat beat out a semi steady tempo against her skin and feel the bond between them whole and healthy, she still carries the scars from when she'd had to go on without him. "Please don't make me do that again."

"Captain Kun, stow your weapon and sit back down," Poe commands as Ben wraps an arm around her.

Karé, of course, protests. "Poe, he—!"

"I know exactly who he is," Poe retorts, stepping forward and gently but firmly directing Ben and Rey back to where they'd been sitting before everyone exploded. Ben all but collapses back onto his crate, and Rey drops herself into his lap instead of sitting beside him. She tucks herself underneath his chin, wishing she could do more for the tremor in his hands. Still, his arms around her soothe the still broken parts of her soul. "I'm the one he tortured to get information out of. Me, and also Rey later on." Because she's pressed so close, Rey feels Ben's minute flinch at the mention of those particular instances. All she thinks she can do at the moment is press herself all the closer, because they need this story told and more interruptions won't help, so that's what she does. "Don't think for one moment that we don't understand just what he's capable of. However, there are things that you aren't aware of—"

"He just admitted to killing General Solo!"

"In another timeline!"

Karé makes an annoyed noise. "That doesn't mean he won't do it again!"

A fractured sob drags its way out of Ben at this pronouncement, and Rey scrambles to return the embrace he's been holding her in. To enfold him with her love as a counterpoint to the anger and suspicion being rained down on him. It takes all her self-control to not hurl abuse back at the woman for daring to hurt her partner. However, Ben is more important, and he needs her focused on him right now.

"I would suggest, Captain Kun, that you do not aggravate my grandson any further than you already have," Anakin snarls, appearing right in front of Karé. She shrieks at his sudden arrival, stumbling backwards until she hits the crate she'd been sitting on moments before. Then she goes down in a tumble of limbs, eyes wide and chest heaving, with a pissed off Jedi Master towering over her. "That would be detrimental to everyone in this room."

"Anakin, your grandson needs you helping him, not terrifying this young lady into compliance," Obi-Wan instructs, laying a hand on his former Padawan's shoulder. "Let me handle this."

Anakin wordlessly growls back, but stomps over to Ben and Rey. He heaves a sigh, dragging a hand down his face before crouching down and fixing a tired look on Rey as Ben still has his face pressed into her shoulder. "There are going to be moments that will hurt far worse than this," he intones flatly, yet Rey can see just how much it pains him to have to say this. "There will be people who will judge you based on your past and immediately determine that you will never be able to rise above it. They will do everything in their power to make you react, because then they will be right. It will hurt, it will sting, and it will burn. It will make you want to rage against the unjustness of it all, and above all, it will at times make you feel less than human."

A hush descends over the room as Anakin pauses, everyone quiet save for Ben's ragged breathing. Rey just continues to run her hand up and down his back, wordlessly letting him know that she's there in every way that she can. She does a quick glance at everyone else, wanting to know if there are others she will need to defend Ben from.

Karé is staring blankly at her lap, eyes slightly glazed over. Rey doesn't think she'll be a problem again.

Han, surprisingly enough, is holding a furious Leia firmly in place. Rey's a bit startled by that, especially considering that Anakin stuck Han in carbonite the last time they truly met. For all she knows, they might've talked when she and Ben weren't around. And she's well aware that Leia is furious at Anakin, not Ben, so the fury there doesn't worry her.

Chewie has returned to his seat, but Rey hasn't got a clue as to what he's thinking. Given the number of years since she's actually seen the Wookie face to face, that doesn't exactly surprise her.

Luke still looks horrified, but it no longer appears like it's because he's worried Ben will suddenly snap. More like he's come to a realization that's rocked his very foundation and now he's floundering. Rey is viciously pleased by this, even though she knows she really shouldn't be. She and him will have to have words later, when she's in better control of herself, and she feels more comfortable leaving Ben alone with other people.

Poe is sitting back by Finn with an arm around his still shaky husband and staring warily at Obi-Wan Kenobi's ghost, who's watching this all with a serene expression that belays the raging storm she can feel in his Force presence.

Anakin inhales deeply, a pained and sad knowing look in his eyes as he continues. "It's easy, in those moments, to justify retaliating. The rush of satisfaction that follows is a heady thing to chase after. But it would only ever be temporary, and the more you did it, the less you would be able to truly justify your actions and the more you would become just like them."

"How, then?" Ben croaks, raising his head to stare at his grandfather with red-rimmed eyes. For all that he's a full grown man, he looks more like a lost and scared boy to Rey than ever before. "How exactly am I supposed to withstand that?"

A gentle smile spreads across Anakin's lips, a counter to the heavy atmosphere. "By surrounding yourself with people who know and love you. People who know of your past, of your triumphs and struggles and everything in between. People who have looked your darkness in the face and said, 'this does not define you'. People who are willing to reach out their hand to you even when you're drowning and lashing out at everything and everyone, who never give up on you despite all of this." He tips his head towards Rey. "People like her, who understand just what exactly it is that you've been through. People like your father, who called even when he knew you wouldn't answer at the time. People like your mother, who gave everything she had at the end to finally call you home."

Ben frantically shakes his head. "No, I don't want anyone dying for me again. I can't—"

"Grandson, that's not your decision to make," Anakin kindly but firmly corrects him. "My son was willing to die by Sith lightning if it meant calling me home. Your parents are equally prepared to die for you if it means you'd be safe and free. And I've no doubt that Rey would do for you what you did for her if necessary. That is their choice and shows just how much they love you. It is because they love you that they're willing to sacrifice so much." He raises an eyebrow. "You did similar for Rey, after all."

And that's something Rey refuses to let happen again. She will not lose her partner so soon after having him in her arms for days on end. Just as surely as the idea of people dying for Ben's salvation terrifies him, the thought of losing Ben in any way, shape, or form sends shivers of dread down her spine and her heart to splinters.

"Kid."

Han's voice is like a blaster shot through the tension. Anakin stands and steps to the side so father and son can clearly see each other. Han waits until Ben meets his gaze before continuing.

"Kid, are you saying that you think you killed me in some other timeline?"

A wounded sound rumbles in the back of Ben's throat. "I did kill you. You followed me out onto the blasted walkway in the thermal oscillator, and then I ran you through with my lightsaber because Snoke thought that that would purge the lingering Light in my Force presence." He scrubs weakly at the tears running down his cheeks. "It didn't even kriffing work, and Snoke wasn't pleased with that fact." He shoots a pleading look at his father. "I love you Dad, and the last thing I want now is for you to actually be dead, but I praise whatever deities were watching over me that day because if it had been Mom on that walkway, I still would've done it but I would've shattered, and I don't think even Rey could've called me back from how low I would've sunk." A brittle laugh escapes Ben, harsh and punishing. "I might've even reached the depths that Grandfather Fell to for all I know."

"And yet, my son, who by all accounts should've hated me because of who I was and what I'd done, still managed to drag me back to the Light in the end," Anakin says softly. "Just as your mother was able to do for you." He unexpectedly tsks his tongue. "Of course, we've completely deviated from the reason we're all even here. Suffice to say, Ben did kill Han on Starkiller Base for all that he didn't this time. Rey, do you want to continue the story, or should we pass the honor onto one of the General Damerons'?"

Rey first turns her attention to her partner. If he needs her focus more, then Poe and Finn will just have to make due. "Ben?"

He's still crying, still raw and emotional and overwhelmed. However, he gives her hand a squeeze. "Just don't ask me to explain yet," he says hoarsely. "I think I'll be able to listen, but don't—"

She squeezes back. "Alright." Then she turns to Poe and Finn. "I'll tell my portion and then you can tell yours?" she offers, because there are parts that she doesn't know about, not having been there as it was when she was with Luke.

Poe gives her a weak smile. "That'll work just fine."

She dips her head in thanks before returning her attention to those opposite the four time travelers. They all have varying degrees of shock plastered across their faces. "Starkiller Base was destroyed in a similar manner to how we pulled it off this time. Only last time we lost Han, and Finn was unconscious with lightsaber burns all down his back when we left." Ben flinches again, and Rey squeezes his hand in silent support. "Those of us who survived made it back to D'Qar. R2D2 woke up then, and with BB-8, we had a complete map to Luke on Ahch-To. Finn was still in a coma when I left with Chewie and R2 in the Falcon. When we arrived on Ahch-To, I made my way up to where Luke was by myself. I offered him his father's lightsaber, which had called to me on Takodanna for all that I refused it at the time." She fixes an exasperated gaze on Ben's uncle and former Jedi Master who just looks bewildered at the sudden attention. "He threw it over his shoulder and off the cliff."

There's a moment of silence before Han bursts out laughing. Leia looks skywards as if asking for divine wisdom at her husband's antics and Luke just looks even more confused than before. "Is that why you put him to sleep?" the smuggler asks almost gleefully.

"Yes," Rey returns flatly for all that it feels a tad amusing with a little distance. Maybe she'll actually laugh about it in later years, but right now she's still annoyed. "He also informed me that he would never train another Jedi generation, as he'd gone to Ahch-To to die, and that it was time for the Jedi to die as well. I only received the training from him that I did because R2 ended up showing him General Organa's old hologram message for Master Kenobi."

"We will be talking about that more later," Leia barks, fixing her brother with a look that promises retribution should he try and get out of said talk. Rey's mildly impressed when he simply nods back. Said look of Leia's had sent many a Resistance fighter cowering, as she usually only brought it out when she was fed up with people's bullshit.

"I eventually asked him what happened between him and Ben. He first told me that he'd sensed a growing darkness in Ben, and went to confront him. He said that Ben turned on him, and when he woke, the temple was in flames and there were dead and missing students. Ben countered that story with one of waking up to his uncle standing over his bed with a lit lightsaber. Fearing for his life, he retaliated."

"Luke Skywalker, tell me you didn't!" Leia all but explodes, springing to her feet and pointing an accusing finger at her wayward brother. "Tell me you didn't think of actually killing my son!"

"I did." Luke Skywalker, the legend and the hero, is bowed over with his grief and shame. "For one solitary and cursed second when I discovered the depths of corruption Snoke had sunk into him, I thought of it. But it passed and I was left with shame and a scared boy who's master had failed him." He lifts his head only to look at Rey with a broken expression. "Why do you think I left in the first place? I had already harmed my nephew enough, and the dream I'd built up gone with him."

"I thought I'd killed you," Ben chokes out, surprising Rey. "For the longest time, I honestly thought I'd killed you that night. It was only when rumors started circulating that there was a map that could lead to you if completed that I realized that I hadn't."

"You almost did," Luke says in mirthless humor. "Had you actually wanted to kill me, I think you would've. Instead, all you wanted to do was get away and so I survived."

"I did call down the storm that set the temple on fire and killed most of the other padawan learners, though," her partner whispers. He's trembling again, and it breaks Rey's heart all over again that this shame of his is being dragged out into the open before he is ready to face it. "That's still my fault."

Luke shakes his head. "No, Ben, it isn't. It's mine. I'm the one who backed you into that corner, however unintentional it was on my part. All blame for that night lies squarely on my shoulders because I let a moment of weakness consume me. You were my student, and that meant it was my duty to protect you, even if that meant from myself, and I failed."

Well, at least he's willing to acknowledge that particular fact this time without having to die first. Death may be an eye opener for the departed, but it doesn't make it any easier on the living who remain behind. Rey learned that the hard way.

"I left Ahch-To after Luke finally told me the truth," Rey continues softly, running her thumb over the back of Ben's hand still in her grip. "Even when he tried to warn me that things wouldn't turn out the way I wanted them to, I still went. I was certain both that there was nothing more he'd be willing to teach me and that the Resistance would eventually need me. However, first I went to Kylo Ren, to Ben. He brought me to Snoke, who taunted us both with the knowledge that he was the one to open up the bond that had been plaguing the both of us ever since Starkiller Base." She snorts, unimpressed as she now has actual knowledge of what was truly going on, but doesn't think that elaborating on it right now is the proper time. "Then he further taunted me by stating that I'd give him Luke's location before he'd make Ben kill me. However, Ben turned his trap back on him and killed that Sithspawned thing." She exhales sharply, reining in her anger as it won't serve her well in this situation. "Ben asked me to join him, then. He asked me to let the past die. I refused. In the process, Anakin's lightsaber was damaged and I used the resulting explosion to meet back up with Chewie in the Falcon, and we met up with what was left of the Resistance here on Crait. While getting everyone on board the Falcon, Leia and I felt Luke pass on into the Force. After that, we base hopped until we settled on Ajan Kloss." As that's well after where their stories intersect again, Rey turns to look expectantly at her friends.

"Suppose it's our turn, then," Poe muses, clasping his hands together and leaning forward. "I'll start with the fact that unlike this time, we did not immediately begin evacuation measures, and it came back to bite us in the ass. We were caught still mid evacuation by a Dreadnought. I made a play to stall for time, and it worked like a charm. However, when General Organa ordered me to retreat when we started losing our bombers, I didn't listen to her." He bows his head. "We lost all our bombers because I was an utter idiot. I managed to make it back to the Raddus intact, and we jumped to hyperspace after that thinking we were in the clear. We weren't, obviously."

"The First Order has developed a hyperspace tracker," Finn states flatly. "We didn't know about it, though, until they suddenly appeared right behind us and sent TIE fighters out to blow up the command deck of the Raddus. General Organa, you were the only survivor, and that was only because you'd been trained to use the Force. This left Vice Admiral Hondo in charge, and she and Poe didn't get along. He didn't trust her enough to tell her of the plan Rose and I had cobbled together to infiltrate the Mega-class Star Destroyer on our tails and give the Raddus a chance to slip past the hyperspace tracker."

Leia looks sharply at them. "Rose Tico?"

"Yeah, that's her," Finn says softly, and Rey grieves for that lost friendship. They might be able to rekindle something similar, but it will never be the one Finn remembers. "She caught me trying to leave because you were unconscious and I'd taken the binary beacon that was the twin to the one you'd given Rey to light her way home. I didn't want her to stumble into the mess we were currently in, and Rose thought I was a deserter. She tased me before I could explain myself."

"Be thankful you weren't there when she rained hell down on my head for Paige," Poe mutters into his hands. "She forgave me, but gods I almost wish she hadn't."

Finn twists so he can look at his husband. "Is that why you were so twitchy around her for a week or so after we got to Ajan Kloss?"

"Yep. Had quite a few people reem me for that spectacular failure."

"We're better now, though," Finn murmurs in return, resting a hand between Poe's shoulder blades. "We don't go stupidly sacrificing people we can save by making different choices. It's why we're better when we stand together rather than on our own."

"To call each other out about our stupid ideas, I know." Poe tosses a fond yet exasperated smile in Finn's direction. "As you've so kindly reminded me every day of our life together."

Finn just grins back. "Hey, you're the one who offered."

"That I did, that I did. In any event, when I learned that Vice Admiral Hondo was refueling the transports, I confronted her with what Finn and Rose were trying to accomplish. She determined that I'd just put the Resistance at even more risk and for everyone to start evacuation measures." He chuckles ruefully. "I staged an unsuccessful mutiny and got myself knocked out for my troubles. General Organa, you actually did the honors for that. I woke up in an already departing transport and learned that Vice Admiral Hondo had stayed behind to man the Raddus on her own. She ended up ramming the Raddus into the Star Destroyer at lightspeed, sacrificing herself as it was firing on the unprotected transports heading to Crait."

"It was a good thing she'd had that plan as an option, because the hacker Rose and I found on Canto Bight betrayed us to the First Order," Finn snarls. "We couldn't find the one Maz has suggested, but he'd seemed good enough. He got us onto the Star Destroyer without being detected at any rate. But we ended up having to steal a ship to get down to Crait ourselves."

"When we arrived on Crait, we came to this base," Poe says, his voice quiet yet heartbroken at remembering these particular events. "We sent out a distress signal that no one ended up answering. The First Order had brought a Superlaser siege cannon to bring down our front door. I was sure that that was going to be our end. Then Luke Skywalker suddenly shows up."

Rey can see the confusion on Luke's face, as he still doesn't really know where exactly Crait is and therefore shouldn't have been able to find it, before understanding blooms into life. "Force projection," he whispers, mostly to himself, but it carries across the room all the same.

"Yes," Rey murmurs in agreement. "You used up all of your energy and sent a Force projection to stall the First Order while I took all the survivors onto the Falcon. We fled Crait, and as I said previously, eventually settled on Ajan Kloss. We were there for nearly a year when events finally led to the end of the war."

"Why exactly do none of you look particularly enthused by that fact?" Han interjects.

Rey makes herself meet each person opposite of them's gazes. "Because the end of the war started with Palpatine's return."

Rey gets her turn at having a breakdown next chapter, seeing as that's when Exegol will be getting discussed. Hopefully that chapter won't fight me quite as much as this one did...