Author's Note: To anyone new, this is a companion piece to my older Reid/OC fic "The Keeping of Words." I suppose you don't have to read that one first if you don't want to, but I doubt this will make much sense without context! (TL;DR: Reid meets a soon-to-be lawyer who understands the heaviness he sees. A love story ensues. Until it doesn't. But broken hearts and broken promises can still be mended.)

Criminal Minds is ending soon, and I realized I had this long document of "deleted scenes" I couldn't seem to fit into the original fanfiction or short drabbles I'd used as writing warmups, and figured I may as well do something with them!
And to anyone who for some reason put up with me for 50+ chapters and has a desire to read these extra words, here they are! Little moments I couldn't make work originally but really loved anyways. It'll follow chronological order but won't have the same amount of context/direct plotline TKOW had. It's more just a series of snippets and drabbles.

Central Park was crowded, as it always was during the lunch hour. In the midst of its bustle sat Bianca Brown, in a towel in the grass, sipping green tea. Beside her, her friend Maggie was spinning the fascinating tale of how she and her boyfriend had snuck into a yacht club party last weekend.

"I swear, I've never struggled with keeping a straight face so hard in my life," she laughed. "That's what I love about Rishi. He makes me feel so alive."

"That's good," Bianca said, nodding, offering a half-smile.

Maggie raised an eyebrow. "Are you listening, Bianca? You've got that look in your eye."

"What do you mean?" she asked, a little defensive.

"You're usually such a good listener, it's not hard to tell when you've gotten lost in your own thoughts. I know you. What's on your mind?"

Unable to deny it, she stared towards the Park Drive, where bicycles and carriages were hurrying past. The squeaking of wheels, the rhythmic clopping of the horse's hooves. If she tried hard enough, she could almost make a melody out of it. Anything to distract herself from the doubts she was afraid to admit out loud.

"I don't know," she said, with a noncommittal shrug. "I guess I just sort of feel like the odd person out. You and Rishi have been pretty serious for a while. Nathaniel and Damien are engaged. And Sarah-Jane is even seeing someone now." All this time, she'd thought that she and her social worker friend would be the last two holdouts on the romance bandwagon, but suddenly she found herself standing alone, surrounded by happy couples. "I sort of have this feeling like, what am I doing? Why haven't I found that?"

Maggie gave her a stern look. "You're doing plenty. You have an incredible job! You're making it in the city! You're very accomplished."

That was just the problem. Work had been much of her life for the last few years. She was focused on paying off tuition, getting her book published, and finding a job she loved. All of which she'd managed to do, but she couldn't help feeling that something was missing. Perhaps there was a part of her that would always be a hopeless romantic. After all, she was a poet. It was practically a prerequisite to have a heart that longed for love. Her work was important, and she was proud of it, but she wanted someone to share her life with. Someone to sit and read in Central Park with, someone to hold hands with on the subway. She wanted to do all the cute couple-y things she'd witnessed in New York, but somehow could never picture herself in that scene. Nor had she met anyone she wanted all of those things with.

Did that mean she was destined to remain familiar with this lonely feeling?

"I just feel like I should've met somebody by now. I mean, I've gone on dates, but I haven't seriously dated anyone since college, really. Even then, they were never relationships that lasted long. I just haven't had the time." She paused, an epiphany arising. "Is that the problem? Have I let all the best chances pass me by?"

"Come on, now!" Maggie smacked her shoulder lightly. "That's just ridiculous. We're still so young. You're going to find somebody when the time is right."

Lying back on the towel, Bianca rolled her eyes. That's what everyone always said. Would the time ever really be right? What if she ended up alone forever? Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, if she loved her job. She could be okay being one of those women married to her work, she tried to tell herself. Flying in from some random city on holidays to visit her friends who would be settled down with kids. Telling stories about her travels, leaving in a rush because some important emergency demanded her particular expertise.

If what she was doing mattered, maybe she could be okay with that. Alone in an apartment in a beautiful cities, surrounded by her many books. Would it be so bad, to know she'd devoted time that would have been given to a partner to doing good in the world? But something still ached in her chest. There was still a part of her that longed for that kind of love. But she was going to be 25 in just two weeks. Time was moving quickly. Maybe she just wasn't meant for that kind of love. Maybe the fears she harbored were correct, and she simply wouldn't ever be enough for someone, not in that way.

Above the trees of the park, planes flew in and out of view. Time flying. People coming and going. Bianca closed her eyes. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad, to be alone. Maybe she wasn't missing out on that much after all. She was happy with her life, wasn't she? That could be enough. It would have to be enough.

She was trying to focus on the report in front of her, she really was. But in the adjacent conference room was the BAU team, and she couldn't help but catch glimpses of him out of the corner of her eye. Long, messy hair. Sharp jawline. Wiry frame. He really was beautiful. And every time she looked at him, she found herself thinking back to their conversations, all the kindness in his words.

It had been nearly four days since the agents had first arrived in New York to help them in their search for Wilson Okello, a Ugandan warlord who would supposedly be arriving in the city within the week. They had been profiling his behavior, all his known associates, and analyzing the most likely outcomes. Of course, between the work, there was some time for mingling. At dinners and over coffee and when they were paired up with someone from the other team. Three times now she'd had the chance to work with Dr. Spencer Reid, and she couldn't say she minded it much.

"Oh no." Startled back into the present, Bianca turned to Kana, the only other person in the room, only to be met with a hard gaze.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" she asked. Maybe Kana had found something in the old International Criminal Court documents. "Something in the reports?"

"No. Something with you."

"Me?" She was taken aback. Kana Mogami could be blunt, a little harsh at times, but she was never deliberately mean. Over the last few months, she thought they'd kindled something of a friendship together in the office.

"You keep looking at him, and not in the way one looks at a colleague," Kana remarked, nodding her head towards the glass through which the other room was visible. "Don't do this."

Was this about workplace romances? On the defensive, she tried to backtrack. "I-I'm not! I mean, I'm not going to do anything. I just think he's interesting, that's all." She knew better than to get involved with a colleague, especially one who was only consulting on a case. Not that she actually thought she would have had any chance at that sort of thing to begin with.

"That's not what I see. There's too much longing there. Too much curiosity." Kana crossed her arms, leaning back in the chair. Her posture was casual, but the tone of her voice was firm steel. "You don't want to get involved with a man like him."

"A man like him?" Bianca echoed. It seemed highly improbable that any other man like Dr. Reid even existed. Never had she encountered another human being quite like him. After only a few days together, she was utterly enchanted by him.

Enchanted. Fascinated. That was all.

"I've worked with men like that," Kana replied. "You don't know what you're getting involved with. With a job like that, he's bound to have problems. Nobody gets into work like that casually. And once they do, they're never the same. Could you really do that? The strange hours, the absences for days on end?"

"We're just talking! I'm not planning a life with him." As much as they'd been talking, she still hardly knew him. Kana's inquiry felt suddenly invasive and intrustive.

But she wasn't done yet. "Do you have any idea what sort of things they see on a regular basis? Sure, we see plenty of horrors in our human rights reports, but we get photos. Videos. They see crime scenes in person. They talk to killers. They try to understand them. Can you imagine what that does to a person? The trauma, the nightmares they must experience?"

Dr. Reid had alluded to it, yes. Bianca swallowed hard, forcing herself not to look through the glass. "Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because I know you," Kana said. "You have a bleeding heart, and you want to help. That's not a bad thing. But you cannot fix something like that." Despite there being nobody else in the room, she leaned in conspiratorially, afraid some invisible entity might overhear. "I heard one of their team lost a significant other recently. She was murdered by someone they'd put away once before."

Was that what he'd referenced last night? They had been standing together, watching Hotch. Jokingly, she had asked if he ever smiled. Reid had gotten serious, and mentioned that the job had taken a lot away from him. Would it be dangerous, to be involved with someone like that?

"I wouldn't try to fix him," she said. "Just… I mean, maybe with a job like that, it wouldn't hurt to have another friend. Someone to talk to. If we both deal with terrible things in our work, maybe we could help each other."

Kana just shook her head. "You don't get it. This isn't some troubled boy. Or a pet project. There are no band-aids or magic words here. That man has seen things. You can tell when you look into his eyes." His eyes. They were hazel and soft and she'd been looking into them plenty. "If you try to save him from whatever demons he's running from, you're only going to get hurt. I don't want to see that happen." That was as close to sentiment as Kana had come in their time together, and it caught her off guard.

Would it really be so terrible, to be close to somebody like that? They all had demons, herself included. Demons from which she had run far, far away from and vowed to never return. Surely it would be worth it, to be close to someone like him?

The way he talked about books, as though they were old friends. The way a smile changed his face entirely. The way he'd put his hand over hers when they were talking and she was starting to get upset. It had been so small, and so brief. But so comforting. And she'd realized by now that he didn't take physical touch lightly.

All of their conversations were so easy. It was almost effortless, and she wanted to hold on to that strange magic of knowing all the right words to say. He would just be a friend. She could handle that. After all, they lived in different cities. Nothing serious would happen. Just two friends, with similar interests.

"You want to help people, I get it," Kana continued. "That's what makes you so good at this job. We need human rights advocates and lawyers to keep caring. You can fix things in this world, with enough time. But you can't go fixing something like that."

It didn't seem fair, that he and his team should be doomed to struggle in the dark alone. Was the path of the hero meant to be lonely? The thought of Dr. Reid, lonely at the end of the day, twisted something in her chest. She didn't want that for him. She didn't want someone so good and so sweet to be feeling such emptiness.

It would be professional. Amicable. Friendly. That's all.

Her phone pinged, and Kana glanced down at the notification. "Dr. Baker wants to see me," she announced. Their boss was one of the few people who could draw Kana away from a debate. "You stay here. I'll be back in a few minutes. And Bianca? Promise me you'll stay away from him?"

Kana hadn't worked her way to the pinnacle of the legal world for nothing. A single look from her could be incredibly persuasive, and she refused to back down until she received the answer she wanted. So Bianca offered a half-hearted nod, and watched as she left through the double doors.

It would be just as easy to stay away from him, wouldn't it? Surely she would forget him in a few weeks. That voice, those eyes, the things he'd said. It would go away, with time. For what reason would he need someone like her in his life? Especially if she were a few hundred miles away. Kana was wise, she knew what she was talking about. If she said to stay away from him, that's what Bianca would have to do.

No matter how much her heart cried otherwise.

She wasn't looking to fix him. Maybe not even to save him. But that smile, she wanted to save that smile. If she could just ensure that he would have a reason to keep smiling and laughing despite the happiness his job stole, that would be enough. She could save his kindness. His hope. Maybe, just maybe.

What had he seen? What had he been through?

In the room across, the BAU members were all standing and beginning to file out the door. Reid was the last one out. Through the glass, he caught sight of her. Turned. Raised a hand. And grinned at her.

She smiled and waved back, her eyes not leaving him until he vanished through the doors. Her heart fluttered. There was a flush in her cheeks she couldn't force away, one that only intensified when he reappeared through the doors to the conference room she was in.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

He nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I just wanted to see how you were doing. You seemed a little upset last night, when we weren't able to make any progress on the case."

Had he been paying attention to her? Then again, he was a profiler. It was probably second nature to him.

"I was just frustrated. I'm okay though. Thanks for asking." The agents had been at things like this much longer than she had, and she didn't want to appear unprofessional in front of him. She could handle herself. She could compartmentalize if she needed to. "I'm sure this isn't the first case to not quite go as planned."

Reid bit his lip, looking away, and she wished she could take the words back. "There are far too many of those," he said. Maybe Kana was right. There were things he'd seen that she could never understand. What made her think that he would even want someone like her in his life? She was being silly, getting attached too quickly, as usual. But she couldn't stand to see that far-away look in his eyes, his face veiled with a sadness she'd put there.

Why did she feel so responsible for him?

"You know, it's still early, and Dr. Baker isn't gathering everyone for another half-hour. Do you wanna go grab some coffee?"

And just like that, the smile returned. Bianca let the tension fall from her shoulders, relieved. "I would love to," he replied. He held the glass door open for her, and as they started down the stairs, she was acutely aware if his presence behind her. Listening for each footfall as he followed her down. Making sure he was still there.

Maybe she wouldn't be able to keep that promise after all.

For almost a week, he kept looking at the note with her phone number on it. Trying to get up the nerve to actually call her. Six times he'd dialed the number before panicking and canceling the call. It was so simple. Reid had done a million things harder than that, hadn't he? Stared down serial killers. Solved impossible puzzles. Gotten sober. Survived getting shot. And drugged. And subjected to anthrax. And yet, calling a girl seemed to be the one thing he couldn't manage.

Why was this so difficult? Maybe he was afraid of rejection. Maybe he was afraid of being hurt. Maybe he was afraid of hurting her. This life wasn't for everyone. He'd seen what it did to relationships – only JJ and Will seemed to make it out unscathed, but then again, Will knew the work well.

In his memory, she was so bright. Her smile, her kindness. How could he ask her to deal with the horrors he'd signed up for? How could he subject her to the sort of darkness he'd seen? He was damaged and he was flawed and he wasn't at all the sort of person who got happy endings. He didn't want to see that light dimmed by his own struggles.

She deserved better than that, didn't she? Better than someone who lived so far away and fought off nightmares more than once a week. He would have to be happy with the memory of her, of those warm eyes and a gentle voice and the way she'd wished better things for him.

If there was one thing he knew, it was that good things had a way of falling apart when they found their way to him. Reid took the paper from the drawer in his desk and held it in his hands for a long moment, allowing himself to imagine what could have been. If only things were different, if only he were different, if only he were not himself and someone better instead…

He dropped the paper into the recycling bin.

It was better this way.

No sooner had he done so did his phone ring. It had to be a case. He sighed, pushing the thoughts out of mind. "Reid," he answered, trying to sound professional.

"Hi, um Dr. Reid? This is Bianca Brown." His heart nearly stopped at the sound of her voice. "From New York?" She sounded nervous suddenly in the pause, as if she had made a mistake.

Reid frantically tried to compose himself in time to reply. "Bianca, hi!" He hoped he didn't sound as desperately happy as he felt. He could be calm about this. "I was, uh actually thinking about calling you," he lied. Well, it was only a half-lie. He'd been thinking about it nonstop for the last week and had only just decided against it. But he wanted her to know he was glad to hear from her. He asked her about the case and its aftermath, still too afraid to venture into the personal and step into this vast unknown thing he wasn't sure he should dare touch.

But then she said, "It made a difference to me." And the softness of her voice outweighed all his prior fears. He wanted to keep hearing her voice. He didn't want to eliminate all possibility of never seeing her again. Maybe he could be different. For her, maybe he could be better. Maybe he could manage to hold just one good thing together.